CHAPTER NINE: ONE XMAS STORY IS NOT ENOUGH
Guys! Guys! It's almost Christmas and I'm suppose to post an Xmas theme chapter soon! Well I would have when everyone reads this... by everyone I mean one person.
"And you want us to do what about it?" Cortex asked.
Cortex, I need you to drink a ton of booze, dress up as a reindeer and do a reenactment of Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer.
"And how do I do this reenactment?" Cortex asked.
Simple, jump off a cliff, or roof depending on which is closest, and fly... or attempt to.
"Great idea, I'll get the booze!" N. Gin said.
"NO! I'll break every bone in my body" Cortex protested.
"Spoiled sport" N. Gin huffed.
Okay, who gave Cortex brain pills? Fine, then I'll just have to come up with a different Christmas theme story.
"How about the story of the little match girl? You, my dear author, can have the honor of playing as the match girl" Cortex suggested.
She dies in the end, there's no way we're doing that story. Any other ideas, that don't involve death.
"I have an idea but I need to borrow N. Gin for a few minutes" Nina said.
Okay, go for it. Can't be any worse than what your uncle suggested.
Nina dragged N. Gin away.
Now what to do in the meantime... I know! The twelve days of Christmas! We can make our own version, without deafening people in the process. To save time, we'll have to start at day twelve otherwise this would take forever.
"Then Allow me" Cortex said.
12 Platinum Relics,
11 Brio Potions,
10 Nitro Crates,
9 Bonus Platforms,
8 Trading Cards,
7 Ammo Crates,
6 Anvils,
5 Power Crystals,
4 CTR Keys,
3 Extra Lives,
2 Wumpa Fruit,
And N. Gin Stuck In A Tree
Thanks Cortex, that was creative... but please don't sing again.
Nina returned and N. Gin... N. Gin is covered in small, reflective squares and tinsel.
"If you point a flash light at him, the light reflects off the reflective squares and..." Nina begun.
"We're doing Christmas, NOT a reenactment of the Twilight saga!" Cortex snapped.
"No, he's suppose to be a Christmas tree! I would have thought the tinsel would have given it away" Nina sighed.
And the brain pills have worn off. Good job Nina. Your idea was both festive and humiliating.
"Just kill me now" N. Gin sighed.
No, next idea please. I would like this to be longer than the Halloween chapter.
"How about we attempt to do a Christmas classic? A Christmas Carol?" N. Tropy suggested.
I like it, please go on.
"Cortex plays the role of Ebenezer Scrooge, N. Gin plays the role of Bob Cratchit and I shall take on the roles of Bob Marley, the ghost of Christmas past, the ghost of Christmas present and the ghost of Christmas yet to come" N. Tropy said.
"So not only do I look like the worse Christmas tree in history, I now have to play a poor guy" N. Gin sighed.
"And I get to be filthy rich" Cortex said.
Hey! I wanna be the ghost of Christmas yet to come!
"I am the master of time. It is only fitting I play all the ghosts" N. Tropy said.
If that's the case why do you keep losing to Crash? Surly you could have used your time powers to predict the out come of the battle and use that knowledge to beat him.
"I merely preserve time, I do not change it" N. Tropy said.
"Why do you want to play as the ghost of Christmas yet to come?" Cortex asked.
I get to show you your own grave then kick you into a hell a few years early... according to the original story.
"And then what? How is that a jolly story?" Cortex asked.
Then you wake up on Christmas day and... well you like Christmas and stop being an ass to everyone. You know, like giving Bob Cratchit Christmas day off and giving him a raise... and giving money to charity. Then again considering it's you, we may have to get you drunk before hand just to act even remotely nice to... well anyone.
"That'll never happen" N. Gin said.
"I can be nice" Cortex whined.
"Take some mistletoe and go kiss the Bandicoots then give them all a non-lethal present each" N. Gin said.
"I WILL NOT DO THAT!" Cortex yelled.
"I rest my case. Can we end the chapter now?" N. Gin asked.
Fine, I think we have enough material now. But before we end, a few additional things.
N. Tropy got a new watch, seriously use those powers right. I know you can.
N. Gin got... um... some more painkillers for that never ending headache, also know as his boss.
Nina got a new magic book, we will all regret giving that to her later I'm sure.
Final Cortex's gift.
"Wonderful, I wonder what it is" Cortex said.
When Cortex opened the gift box he was greeted by a boxing glove to the face. That is what you get for being a pervert. Now all we need is a GODDAM NEW CRASH BANDICOOT GAME! Please Naughtydog... Sony buy Crash back so his fans will at last have the game they have been waiting for!
In the meantime, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah and Happy Holidays.