Chapter 2: Warm Welcomes: Part I

A/N: Sorry for the late update. This should have been posted Saturday (because that's when updates will happen), but I had to play makeshift plumber this weekend. Funny right?

Have a Merry Christmas, Hanukah, Kwanza, and a Happy New Year y'all.

Thanks to those who review, follow, and/or favorite. Constructive criticism is appreciated.

Remember, I like your ass.

He was infinitely pissed.

He was so pissed, so infuriated, that there was no way he could get even more pissed because he was at that level of pissed. He was so pissed, so mad, so angry, so enraged that his body could barely move, barely speak, and barely blink. He was so pissed, P.O.-ed, ticked off, that all he could see was that bastard's smug smirk blaring like neon signs in his head. He was so mad – oh, he was so mad – that he didn't even hear his friends calling him; he didn't know how quick he moved across the lunch room. All he could remember was at one second he was with his friends, and the other second he was tackling that asshole to the ground.

And here he thought this guy was actually good looking. He must have been high off of something.

First period…

What was he going to do?

"How about pulling the screws from his desk? I'm sure we could track him down."

Naruto coughed into his fist. How about forgetting the whole thing and joining a nunnery? It's okay if he was a man, they would accept him. He was a Catholic anyways; said his prayers before dinner, went to church like the good innocent boy he was. They would see his devotion and take him with wide open arms. It would be perfect: no annoying new kids and no pranks. He'd die a happy old virgin with the wrinkly dick.

He cleared his throat and slipped his hands into his pockets. The cool metal of his keys chilled his fingertips as he fondled with it. "How about something smaller?"

Kiba pursed his lips and crossed his arms. "Smaller?" he echoed. "Like how?"

Naruto chewed the inside of his cheek, gnawing off skin and pulling it with his tongue. "Something smaller" could have meant a lot of things: whoopee cushion, gum stuck to bottom of a seat, whip cream, filling a locker – anything. Those were just a fraction of ideas from their archive of pranks; they were creative, which was the problem because it left no room. If he went too soft – like the whoopee cushion – Kiba would bust his balls for it. If he went too hard – like the stink bomb – it would ruin any kind of good thoughts the new kid had of him (not that he cared…at all). Either way there was going to be a prank or he was going to look like a pussy. Fuck him for thinking this was ever funny; karma was a whore. He didn't even know why he even cared this much. Since when did he contemplate and ponder over doing something like a prank? This was high school, the most insignificant part in a person's life, and would be forgotten by next week. Besides, it wasn't like he was ever going to be friends with the new kid. Really, look at that style. What a dork.

He ran a hand through his wild blonde hair, scratching his scalp in thought. It more thinking how he could get out of the mess he got into rather than a prank. For some reason, it just didn't sit right in his stomach picking on the new kid – gave him gas.

Scratching the back of his neck, Naruto twisted his mouth and looked off to the side. How would Kiba take it if he told him he didn't want to? He snorted. Who was he kidding? He knew exactly how Kiba would react. Hell, he was shocked Kiba wasn't saying anything about his attitude right now. All of the awkwardness he was giving off, his body language, the obviousness of his avoidance, Naruto was squirming in his clothes. It wouldn't take long before he would have to say the truth about how he "felt" about picking on the new kid. It wasn't even the fact that he thought the kid was good looking – that was normal (right?). It was the fact that he wanted to do things to the new kid (not that he would). The way his stomach flipped, the way his body had the urge to plunge into spontaneous sex; the feelings were unhealthy for his sanity. He wasn't gay dammit!

Kiba squinted his eyes and sniffed. Naruto tensed and squared his shoulders, dropping his arm to press stiffly into his side. He tried to keep a neutral expression despite his pits heating up. This was it, he was going to have to confess why he being a little bitch, why the new kid happened to be the exception. He breathed in through his nose puffing up his chest, and held it in anticipation. Kiba leaned in a little, sharp eyes searching his face, and scrunched his nose. "Dude," he said, "do you have to take a piss?"

Naruto, for the life of him, had to laugh because his friend was the dumbest guy he knew.

Kiba's eyebrows rose before he scowled. "Hey! What's so funny?!"

Naruto knew he was blessed. If it was anyone else he would have suffered through the worst conversation in his life. Honestly, his luck was one bi-polar son of a bitch. He shook his head and wiped his eye. "Nothing, let's go to class."

Kiba sniffed and shifted his mauled book bag higher on his shoulder. "Whatever. But we're going to prank the new kid, right?"

Naruto faltered and tripped slightly on his foot. He paused for a moment, licked his dry lips, and opened his mouth. "Yeah, sure. We'll talk about it at lunch." His stomach dropped at the excited gleam that brightened Kiba's face and decided it would be better if he skipped lunch today.

"Great! We'll give him a warm welcome."

Naruto chuckled nervously and half-heartedly pounded fists with his best friend. "Hell, yeah. Gotta show that classic Konoha High School spirit." Kiba snickered and smacked his back, waved, and he watched his friend turn in the opposite direction. He chewed off the dead skin on his bottom lip and clutched onto the strap of his book bag. What were the odds of the new kid being in his first class?

The worn out hallway was empty and desolate like his sex like: abandoned. His footsteps echoed down the fluorescent lighted corridors, the cheap light bulbs being the only thing keeping the place from looking like an abyss, and he walked faster. Old murals from ten years ago were hung or painted on random spots throughout the halls, colors dulled and chipped. Some he had to appreciate, being a hobbyist drawer himself, and some he laughed at with Kiba. Like, for example, whose idea was it to paint a picture of anime characters? The crack of his ass was a masterpiece compared to that.

The loud voice of his teacher boomed through the door and he checked his crumpled schedule. He had to print it out at the school's library as soon as he got in forgetting to do so the night before…and the whole month it was posted online. What? Procrastination was a specialty of his.

Nervous and a little high off of anticipation, he pressed his back to the door and sneakily peered through the narrow tiny window. This was for precautionary action – for safety. One could never be too careful, you know? Really, he wasn't pissing his pants. You could check his underwear; clean as a whistle. There was no real reason to do this, and honestly if anyone caught him they'd think he was high.

Frantically he searched the room, heart pounding in his ears, stuck between apprehension and excitement. What would he do if the new kid was in his class? (He would do nothing.) How would he react? (There was nothing to 'react' to.) Will they talk? (As if he'd waste his breath on the noob.) Does the new kid like to talk to people? (The guy looked like he hated oxygen for invading his personal space.) From the way the guy walked earlier, Naruto got the impression that the new kid wasn't friendly (define 'friendly'). Kind of like a "talk to me and you die" kind of feeling. He didn't like how his body seemed to buzz taking it as a challenge – which it wasn't. Even if the new kid was in his class he wouldn't talk to him. Naruto Uzumaki was too cool for him, had too much clout to talk to some dweeb with the ugly hair-do. It should be the new kid wanting to talk to him.

His heart twisted and broke a few of his ribs when he looked towards the back. In all of his stupid glory there was the new kid, sitting in the back, haircut and all.

A few things happened in succession in those few seconds Naruto stood there: first, his palms began to get clammy. Second, his shoulders tensed so hard it hurt, his breath stuttered, knees wobbled, tongue go dry, and the hairs on his body stood on end. Third, his mind blanked, like someone clicked the 'delete' button, and everything of five minutes ago was like a brief gust of wind – all blown away.

He couldn't hear his name being called repeatedly, couldn't feel his classmates stare at him, couldn't process how stupid he looked with eyes the size of saucers and mouth open. All he saw, all he focused on, was how the new kid, looking like some kind of sex god, was looking out the window with the meanest frown. The sun was shining high in the morning, all yellow and sunny and shit, and the rays poured through the large windows the home ec. room. A few years back the room used to be an art room, the natural light perfect for drawing and painting, but then the school received enough money from the budget cuts to expand the building. All art, construction, and a few foreign languages were moved into the new hallway; the home ec and music rooms replaced where they were.

So, there he was. Mr. Sexy with the goddamn sunlight lighting his skin like some kind of photoshopped picture; all glowy and shit – kind of poetic. It drove him insane that he could look that good and look so miserable. And there was Naruto, drooling like some desperate dog in heat. God, save him.

He jumped and stumbled into the room when the door was wrenched open angrily. He choked on a yelp, surprised, and grabbed the tiny table by the door. His knees bent inwardly, chicken-footed, and he inhaled when his side jabbed into the corner of the table. He looked up gaping, red faced, and sputtered at his teacher's scowl. Looking pissed as ever, the middle aged wrinkles of his teacher pinched reminding Naruto of a raisin; the sneer was unattractively burning holes through his skull.

Terrified of looking at you-know-who, Naruto preferred locking with the eyes that blazed 'death.' He smiled nervously and chuckled weakly.

Mr. Stern sniffed and crossed his arms. "Look who dropped in."

The class burst into laughter. Everyone was smiling at him, pointing fingers, and whispering in each other's ears. Naruto felt his cheeks inflame, internally dying from embarrassment, and knew how lame he looked. His ears burned something fierce and his face flushed. He began to laugh with them, keeping up pretenses, smiled and scratched his cheek bashfully. The less he looked like he was close to finding the nearest frying pan and bludgeoning himself with, the better.

A prominent vein formed in his teacher's forehead, neck bulging with the strong muscles it bore, arms twitching, shoulders a flat plane, and jaw ticking. He looked scary enough to take on a bear and drop kick it to the next state. He looked more of a pro-wrestler than a home ec. teacher who baked tiny cakes. Those biceps could snap Naruto's neck.

Mr. Stern growled lowly, menacingly, and Naruto refrained from shielding his throat. "Uzumaki…"

"Before you say anything," Naruto explained, "I have a good excuse."

His teacher sneered and tilted his chin up. "What?"

"I lost my schedule and I had to ask where the class was."

Mr. Stern threw his head back and barked in laughter; Naruto flinched at the raspy sound. "And you really think I'm supposed to believe that? Then explain why you were staring outside of my door for about five minutes. I called your name about four times!"

Naruto's hand twitched and he cleared his throat; blinked a few times. "R-Really?"

"Yes," Mr. Stern hissed. "Now get to your seat before I send you to the principal's office!"

Naruto froze and swallowed. He didn't look around, didn't know if it was safe, so he shifted on his feet and shoved his hands in his pockets. He guessed there was a couple of seats for him, or at least that's what he saw when he scanned the room, but it was as safe as Kiba's gym socks. The possibility of sitting with him terrified the shit out of Naruto. He prayed they didn't sit at the same table. He licked his lips. "Where exactly is that?"

His teacher pointed over his left shoulder, and while that could have meant anywhere in that direction, Naruto's insides quivered and shriveled. "Table seven, right in front of Uchiha."

'Uchiha'? What was that? Was that something he could eat? Can he 'Google' it? He's never heard of an 'Uchiha' before. He must have been in the wrong class. He'll just apologize and quickly walk out like nothing happened. He was human, these things happened, everyone makes mistakes a few times in their lives, no big deal. He wasn't perfect, they would understand, his teacher looked like a decent guy.

"Now!"

Naruto turned abruptly and felt his stomach axe-kick his kidney straight to his ass. He looked to the back of the room where the sun's rays were illuminating the area in a picture of brightness, and met the eyes of the new kid. His stomach lurched, his throat constricted, his tongue plummeted down his esophagus, and he clenched his teeth. The new kid stared at him, almost bored, cheek mushed against a long pale fist, bangs all in those irritatingly attractive features, and looked away. Naruto bit down on his tongue and clenched his bag's strap like a lifeline. Everyone watched him as he walked, knowing the new kid would be pranked by the end of the school day, and he swallowed the nasty taste in his mouth. His eyes wouldn't leave the new kid, like they were glued against his will, and he pulled out his chair slowly – the sound louder than normal – and sat down with a resounding thud.

His hands fiddled in his lap, his leg bounced, he chewed on his lip like it was food; he looked everywhere but straight. He was so confused why he was so nervous, so frustrated how he was reacting, and frustrated at being frustrated. He glanced up at the new kid, just for the hell of it, and his neck blazed seeing the guy so close. Usually, when you looked at someone from far away you can't really see the little flaws when you're up close. The occasional discoloring of skin or the little bump on the cheek, or the powder of poorly applied foundation, or how a person's teeth weren't as white as you thought. No one was perfect, that was how life was; that's how humans were made. So someone tell him how the hell this guy looked even better up close?!

He couldn't for the life of him see at least one flaw, one disfigurement, one mark on the guy's face. It was like puberty was never introduced to him. Naruto had great skin, he took pride in his body and took care of it, and he liked the way he looked. Seriously, look at him! He was freaking scorching; the image of a Californian beauty. Blonde, blue-eyed, tan with a body chiseled to perfection – he made straight guys gay, but he went through the misery years of middle school. Acne, voice cracking, body odor, rocking the pedo-stache because it was the first traces of machismo on his scrawny ass – the whole she-bang. But this guy…this infuriatingly good looking loser looked like he never saw a pimple in his life. He wouldn't be surprised if the guy didn't know what a pimple was.

"Now that the distraction is done, let's look over the curriculum. First quarter we'll be learning the kitchen and cooking skills like sifting, mincing, how to properly knead a bread…"

Naruto slumped in his seat and slipped out his phone. He checked if anyone at their table was looking and quickly typed a text to Kiba.

'U cnnt believe whos in my class.'

He stared at his message, green bubble behind the text, and wiped his nose with his knuckle. He didn't have to come to the class, he could have easily skipped like he usually did, but he was on probation so…but still! It's not like he cared before what his school record said with all the stuff he pulled. His grades were decent, his attendance was okay, and he was passing his classes (barely), some more than others. He was going to attend some community college, get a nine-to-five job and live his life as your average middle-class American. Go figure. So its not like he should be freaking out about what college or what he's going to be or what he's going to do in life. His life was already planned out.

Naruto glanced up and bit on his tongue hard when the new kid looked away from him.

What? What was that? Was the new kid looking at him? No, impossible, the guy has been a statue the whole time he's been there. There was no reason for him to look at Naruto. It was probably just a trick of the mind from his nerves. Naruto shifted in his seat and rolled his shoulders. His phone vibrated in his hand and he opened it:

'Sakura?'

Naruto's body tingled at the thought. Aw, man. If only Sakura was in his class. The chick was babe-on-a-stick and then some. Sexiest girl he's known since elementary with the body of a porn star and a feisty attitude. He's been trying since middle school trying to get her to go out with him. She acts like she doesn't want him but everyone knows she likes the attention. Don't worry, he's been wearing her down over the years. Plus, with the nice little growth spurt he had he's practically the sexiest guy there. He likes it when they play hard-to-get, likes the challenge.

And she was the only challenge Naruto saw. Nothing else. Nope.

Watch, give him about three months and he'll have Sakura begging to go out with him. He's so close anyways.

He typed back to Kiba. 'If only.. this is the yr whn she gives in tho.'

The response was immediate. 'Ha. Yah right. whn pigs fly.'

Naruto pursed his lips. Honestly, Sakura was going to go out with him this year. He could almost taste it. 'Srsly dude?have faith in my.'

Oh shit, he thought, typo. The last time he made a typo Kiba gave him crap about it the whole conversation. His thumbs flew over the keyboard before Kiba had the chance to bust his balls about it. '*me.'

'Aw. So close.'

'Haha asshole.'

'bt seriously. Whos there?'

Naruto breathed out slowly through his nose and slumped in his seat some more. God, kill him if the new kid saw he was talking about him. He's already embarrassed himself enough to commit suicide.

He licked his lips. 'our victim.' And he twisted his mouth at the way that sounded; he was terrible. Confused and terrible. Already first period and he experienced a year's worth of drama. Maybe he should join that nunnery after all. Teach him some morals.

His heart jumped at the vibration. 'Exxxcellent. Perfect to prank.'

'What're u thinkin?'

'Disablin the deat?'

'*seat?'

Naruto fingers moved by themselves while his in his mind he was screaming "no."

'I can do it before school ends today. We wont be able to prank him today bt we cn do it tomrrw.'

'Thts fine. Mke sure u record it.'

'As always.'

Naruto stared at his screen until it got black. The feeling in his stomach made him sick.

"And the table you are sitting at will be your group for the whole school year."

Naruto whipped around in his seat with bugging eyes. What?! He's stuck with who?!

"No phones in class, dickless."

Naruto tensed and flared his nostrils. Oh no. Not him.

He turned slowly and groaned at the completely fake smile. He sneered and glared at one of the worst people he's met in his life. "G-fucking-reat. What hole did you crawl out of?"

"Yours."

Naruto, disgusted, scowled and slipped his phone in his pocket. "The fuck? Can't even say 'hi' you freaky bastard?"

Sai's creepy smile grew and glanced at Naruto's pocket. "Not when you were so busy talking to dog boy."

Naruto's blood chilled and his insides cracked. He couldn't have saw. His face must have shown something because Sai's creepy smile went from 'freaky' to 'obsessed-serial killer-stalker freaky' that sent chills down his spine. Naruto clenched his jaw and sent a dangerous warning through his eyes. Sai wasn't stupid, he knew a warning – especially from Naruto – when he saw one and he respected it. He wasn't that big of a dick. Besides, he's never stopped one of their pranks before or tried to blackmail them.

Sai's smile diluted a bit, but was still there. Naruto was bending backwards when those creepy dark eyes looked to you-know-who and looked back to Naruto.

"Interesting, dickless. Didn't know you swung that-"

The door clicked open softly and the nervous apologetic tone of someone Naruto knew reverberated through his chest.

"S-Sorry, sir. My car stalled and I had to have my mom drive me here. The traffic was terrible,"

No way.

"Do you at least have a note from attendance?"

"Yes, right here."

No fucking way.

A shuffling of feet and paper and then a moment of pause. "Alright, you're cleared. Table number seven, next to Uchiha."

Shiny flats clacked against the tiled ground quickly, clothes rustled against a tiny pink knap sack, short pink hair flowed, and bright green eyes widened in surprise – but not at Naruto.

Sakura faltered, her face completely taken aback, her mouth agape, her cheeks flushed, her demeanor completely different. Naruto watched in horrified agony as Sakura ducked her head and tucked her hair behind her ear while she shyly scooted into the chair next to him, moved in a little closer, and glanced at 'Uchiha' girlishly. Not like how she looked at Naruto, punched him harder than any guy he's felt, spat and cursed like a goddamned sailor, sneered and yelled like man, lifted weights that most of the girls in their grade wouldn't even touch. He's never seen her act like that: so…girly. And all she did was look at the bastard in front of him.

Naruto's heart stuttered when Sakura looked up at him and jumped; she didn't notice him. Her eyebrows narrowed and her pretty pink lips curled into a nasty frown.

"Make sure you make friends with your group. You're going to need to be able to communicate and distribute the duties evenly between the four of you."

Fuck.

Beta'd by me because I have that kind of swag.