I'm sorry for the long hiatus. I lost a family member and, well. I hope this long intermission hasn't caused interest to wane too strongly.
"The current of the flowing river does not cease, and yet the water is not the same as before. The foam that floats on stagnant pools, now vanishing, now forming, never stays the same for long. So, too, it is with the people and dwellings of the world."
- Kamo no Chōmei, 1212 CE
Henge – Underneath the Underneath
Chapter 10: Misconceptions and Directions
When Kakashi arrived to meet with his team he found Sakura between both Naruto and Sasuke, chatting with the blonde and attempting to flirt with the Uchiha. He'd thought she'd moved passed that, but since Sasuke had stood up for Naruto and gone out for dinner with the team she'd apparently decided to renew her efforts to snag him. Kakashi couldn't decide if the boy seemed more frustrated at her antics or happy to be included. With a smile the jōnin sent them running.
Nothing in training warranted great interest, and after lunch the silver-haired man ushered his charges to the mission room. After the late mission at the diner, Kakashi decided on a shorter project. Catching the noble cat Tora, beloved pet of the Fire Daimyō's wife. It gave a great opportunity for the genin to sharpen ninja skills and practice using short-wave radios for communication. It was a good day for it to; sunny with just a few clouds. The three were still a bit rough around the edges by way of teamwork, but overall tracking Tora was met with greater success than walking dogs. They returned the cat to Lady Shijimi and after listening to the hokage extend an invitation to spend time together with Naruto, team seven exited the tower without incident.
Somewhat lost as to what to do with the extra time, Kakashi lagged behind his ducklings rather than jumping off as he tried to decide if he should do the second half of his daily doubles first or get his shopping done. On the one hand, he was already close to the market and doing his shopping now would mean he would have things to cook with after training when his stomach would be empty. On the other hand, it was a beautiful day out and it would be a shame to waste even an hour of it. Perhaps he could make a clone and hand his wallet to them and-
"WHAT!?" Kakashi's train of though was derailed by the loud voice of his pinkest duckling. Looking over the top of his book, he saw her a good fifty meters off with Naruto. Sasuke had apparently left, but Kakashi filed that thought to the back of his mind as he picked up his pace to reach the two preteens. Naruto was saying something with a confused look on his face, most likely responding to Sakura's cry, and the other villagers along the path were giving the two more room and unfortunately more attention.
"I thought you liked Haku!?" Her voice had quieted a bit, and now that Kakashi was closer he could also hear Naruto's reply:
"Not like that! Haku's a guy!" Not that he needed to be near to catch that…
"Exactly!"
"Sakura-chan I don't get it," Naruto tried placating, clearly lost as to why his teammate was acting strangely, "I like girls." There was a moment of silence while Sakura seemed to reboot her train of thought and Kakashi closed the distance while glaring away any nosy eavesdroppers.
"So… you didn't like Haku that way?" the kunoichi asked with a confused look on her face. Naruto's face however cleared up as if a light had been flipped in his brain.
"I've always liked you, Sakura-chan! There's no other girl for me! And definitely no guy! Believe it!" Naruto grinned and even gave her a thumbs up. An orange-and-shiny polished-nail thumbs up which Kakashi could see Sakura's eyes lock in on. Naruto was grinning at her as if all had been made right in the world, and Kakashi felt his stomach sink with the suspicion of what was happening, and more importantly what was about to happen. He released a wave of intent powerful enough to send the remaining people on the streets scattering. Not that his ducklings noticed.
"Then-! Then what about the makeup and the nail polish!? We went shopping together!" Sakura gasped, having reached her own conclusion, "You were just trying to get close to me! You probably thought we were on some kind of date or something to!" Kakashi watched as Naruto's face crumpled under his crush's rage.
"But I really do like painting my nails and stuff!?" He couldn't tell if the boy looked more confused or wounded. Perhaps it was time to intervene, but what was he supposed to say? Preteen romance counseling was not in the shinobi job description…
"Ew!" Sakura pulled back, "That's so gross!" Naruto stepped back as if burned and Kakashi decided it was past time to step in.
"Ahh, fancy running into you here," he attempted to diffuse the situation. They both spun to face him with wide eyes, "I was just on my way to buy groceries and could use a few extra hands." The two gaped at him for a few seconds, and then Sakura was the first to regain her composure.
"I'm not going anywhere with that pervert!" She declared before spinning on her heel. She took a step away before deciding she had one last thing to say, and turning to face Naruto, flung out her parting words like a slap to the face:
"What kind of straight guy paints his nails anyway!? I bet you steel girls panties to!" and with that she left. Kakashi turned to his remaining student, who looked to be held together by a thread.
"I—I haf'ta go," He could see the tremors shaking Naruto's frame and the tears in his eyes before the blond-haired boy dashed away. With a sigh Kakashi tilted his head back and looked up. A few puffy white clouds were blowing lazily overhead.
Kakashi found Naruto sitting on the top of the Hokage Monument nestled in the spikes of Minato-sensei's hair. He lowered himself next to the boy, but let his gaze fall on the village below. Still having not figured out what to say, he raked a hand through his wirily hair and huffed in frustration. He was saved from his indecision by a mumbled voice.
"Is it that gross?" Naruto kept his eyes trained on the buildings and streets below, "liking nail polish and makeup and stuff? She didn't care before, so why's she calling me a perv now? I don't get it. Jii-chan said the reason people don't like me is 'cause of the fox. Not—not that."
"…Its not so much your interest in girl things that shocked her I think as your interest in girls themselves," Kakashi tried to explain.
"But I've always liked girls?"
"Ahh…" maybe a different approach. "I believe Sakura was under the impression you had a crush on Haku. Your interest in girl things fit into her image of you liking guys, so she was surprised when you said you actually liked girls."
"…Huh?" Naruto gave him a squinty, confused look. Kakashi took a minute to think about what direction to take the conversation in.
"You never properly told Sakura why you are interested in girl things or how you feel. So she came to her own conclusions. Sakura decided you like nail polish and makeup because you're gay."
"I'm not gay!" The blonde exploded.
"But Sakura thought you were," Kakashi looked up to where Naruto had jumped to his feet, "and she felt betrayed when she found out you weren't."
"But that doesn't make sense! I never said I was gay!?"
"I know, and she shouldn't have reacted like that. She jumped to conclusions, then got mad at you when they were wrong. And Naruto? Most people out there will probably make the same mistake. People are a lot more likely to question your sexuality then you gender."
Naruto thought on that for a minute before plopping back down and aggressively ruffling his hair. Kakashi let his hand fall onto the top of Naruto's head.
"I can't shelter you from all the misconceptions and stereotyping other's will force onto you, but I will always support you. I'll talk with Sakura about her behavior. Knowing her, she probably already feels bad about the things she said anyway. You're her precious teammate, after all," Naruto's head bobbed up and down under his hand in consent, "something for you to think about would be opening up to her and Sasuke a bit more about how you feel. Give them a hand in understanding you better. Although it may not seem like it at the moment, I believe they will both stand by you no matter what." Naruto didn't have anything to say to that, and they fell into a comfortable silence. As he looked out over the village and the forest beyond, Kakashi supposed it was a good way to spend his afternoon.
Hiruzen was concluding a briefing with one of the village's many chūnin squads when he heard the tell tale sounds of his grandson and friends assembling a trap outside his office. With a bit of amusement he decided against cuing in the oblivious chūnin. It wasn't likely, but maybe Konohamaru would get one of them this time. With a twitch of the lip the Third thanked the squad for their work; "…and let Akiko know to have the dorms checked one last time and to have the chef begin cooking. It's about to get rather busy." Though it had become rather quiet on the other side of his door.
The squad gave a final, unified salute before turning to file out the door. There was a clang, a ssssishh, and a splat followed by a moment of frozen silence. Hiruzen heard a muffled giggle, then a not so muffled "Shh!" which seemed to break the spell holding his chūnin captive at the office door. It came as a bit of a surprise when the angry squad captain roared "NARUTOOO!" but deflating a bit, the Professor reminded himself that it was still a bit early for Konohamaru and his friends to catch chūnin without aid.
Konohamaru was the first to dash past the gooey pink chūnin, followed by Moegi, Udon, and finally Naruto. Running until they were all safely behind him, his grandson puffed up his chest.
"Ha!" The boy pointed at the red-faced chūnin, "My Boss is the greatest ninja ever!" The Third ignored the following argument between the professional assassin and his nine-year-old grandson in favor of turning to the orange-clad genin in their midst.
"Naruto, I didn't expect you to take up my offer so soon. I haven't even left my desk yet." He meant it as more of a joke, considering Naruto's company, but the genin's face turned sober at his question.
"Iruka-sensei's teaching," the blonde said by way of explanation.
"And Kakashi?" Naruto shuffled from foot to foot, looking away. So something happened, then. "Alright," Hiruzen turned his attention to the sputtering chūnin, "let Akiko know to send the janitor up next before any dignitaries," the chūnin flushed, but did as directed, "Konohamaru, Moegi, Udon, I'll have you know the only reason you wont be cleaning this mess up yourselves is because you've got lessons you should be attending. Return to class. I trust Iruka will punish you adequately."
"But I want to play ninja with the Boss!"
"Ahh, Next time, Konohamaru. Promise. Me an' the Old Man got something to talk about." Naruto rubbed the back of his head uncomfortably. Konohamaru, ignorant to Naruto's discomfort cheered and lead his posy out towards the academy and an already forgotten punishment. Once the door shut Sarutobi turned to the child standing next to his chair.
"Now what's this that happened so you can't talk with Kakashi?" He questioned, tone gentle. Naruto fidgeted for a bit without saying anything, and not looking like he would start saying anything in the near future, the Sandaime tried prompting; "why don't you start from when you left my office earlier."
"…We left," Naruto finally offered, "An' I asked Sakura-chan out, an' she got mad an' ran away. Kakashi-sensei said she thought I was—" Naruto's cheeks turned pink, but after a moment he pushed forward, "—I was gay, 'cause I like nail polish and stuff, and that I should tell her and Sasuke that—that—" one of Naruto's hands dropped to grab at the seat crease between pant legs.
"—And you don't want to," Hiruzen supplied. Naruto shuffled his feet in response.
"Perhaps," the aged leader mused, "you can practice on me. See what you feel comfortable saying, like how you tested out that Henge the night you graduated."
"But I don't know what to say."
"Then just say whatever," Hiruzen pulled Naruto into a rare hug, "there's no rush and I won't judge." He sat like that with his arm around Naruto; listening to the child stutter and stumble over feelings and explanations.
"I like nail polish," Naruto had started at a whisper, "and makeup. Not—not war paint but makeup," the blonde looked down in embarrassment, "I was really happy when Sakura-chan took me shopping with her, even though it wasn't a date." Hiruzen nodded along. "And I like that Kakashi-sensei lets me use my Henge sometimes on missions, even though he wont let me train with it."
"Do you use your Henge outside of missions?" he probed gently.
"Sometimes," Naruto mumbled in response, "I like bein' a girl."
"If you could, would you like being a girl all the time?"
Kakashi found Sakura the first place he looked. All it took was a quick rasp on the front door of her family's home, a shout from her father, and they were off on a walk through the neighborhood. As he meandered down the street, Kakashi kept a subtle eye on team seven's kunoichi. Presently, she was glaring at the road as if it had done her some grievous offence.
"Sakura, I called you out here to talk about what you said to Naruto earlier," he broke the silence.
"I'm not apologizing!"
"And why's that?" It was obvious to Kakashi that she was still working the anger out of her system. She'd still probably feel bad about it later, but he'd help her along.
"It's all Naruto-baka's fault for lying and trying to trick me into dates!" She kicked at a stray pebble.
"Is that what Naruto said he was doing?" Kakashi coxed.
"No!" Sakura huffed indignantly, "it's what he was actually doing."
"Or what you thought he was doing. And how did you respond?" Kakashi forced his voice to stay level.
"How do you think!? You were right there!"
"I want to here how you perceived your response," the jōnin pressured.
"I put him in his place, that's what!" she stomped her foot and glared Kakashi to challenge her. Unfortunately for her, Kakashi was more than equipped to take her on. He took a moment to glance around and make his way to a nearby bench. The silver-haired jōnin stopped in front of it and glared Sakura into submission. Once her mouth clicked shut he pointed to the bench.
"We're going to sit right here," the warning in his tone would be unmistakable, "while I describe to you what happened from my perspective." Somewhat cowed, Sakura sat and waited for him to continue. Kakashi slouched into the spot next to her, let his head tilt back and his eye rove over the distant fluffy clouds. It wouldn't do either of them any good if he let himself get frustrated. I'm one of the top jōnin in the village, he reminded himself, there's no way I can get worked up over a kid's fight. Once he felt his emotions settle, he leveled his gaze at the child next to him.
"You were getting angry at Naruto, and began accusing him of various things. He was obviously confused, but rather than giving him the time to respond you lashed out and left, leaving your teammate confused and hurt."
"He was lying," Sakura glared at her feet, but most of the fight had left her.
"We've all seen Naruto lie. That was not Naruto lying," Kakashi said simply.
"But then he really likes that stuff? That's so gross!" Kakashi let his eye slide shut for a moment, and reminded himself not to let his emotions dictate his response. He focused for a moment instead on the sound of a bird twenty meters back and to the right. He could here a chūnin roof hopping a block away. A young mother and her daughter below them. He let his eye open back up.
"Why is that gross?" he asked quietly.
"Because that's girl stuff!" the kunoichi huffed. Kakashi felt his ire rise, but did nothing to fight it. Beheading a mark was gross. Cleaning up a decaying corpse was gross, feeling lung tissue squeeze through the cracks between your fingers as you ran your hand through someone was gross. Washing the acidic taint of vomit out of your mouth following a nightmare was gross. Sliding on stiff, coarse gloves stained brown from too many layers of spilled blood to do it all over again was gross.
"Then you are unfit to be a shinobi."
Naruto was silent for a long time. Sarutobi had just about given up on a response when he saw the blond head of hair bob forward. There was a quiet rumble to let the aged ruler know something was being said, but the words were too jumbled to make out.
"What was that?" he prompted quietly, "my ears are old," and that elicited the faintest of smiles to dance briefly across Naruto's lips.
"I can't Henge that long," the blonde repeated. Hiruzen thought on that for a moment.
"Perhaps not, but there are other things that can be done in the intern. You don't need a Henge to buy a dress or put on makeup. I've met a few individuals in the past who although born as men wore heels and went by female titles. You could do that if you wanted," he lit his pipe and puffed on it in consideration;
"There are very few things needed to survive in this world. Food. Water. Shelter. Companionship. Although it may seem like you have to live a certain way, act a certain way, as long as you have food, water and shelter you can physically survive, and as long as you have one trustworthy companion you can live. Once these essentials have been met, the rest is merely conforming to the traditions and habits of your predecessors. There are as many different ways to live a life as there are people who live it.
"If you'd like to live as a girl, then you can live as a girl. If you wake up one day feeling like a girl and the next feeling like a boy then you can live as a girl one day and a boy the next. If you want to live somewhere between being a girl and a boy, then you can do that to. It wont be easy, people wont always be nice, but you wont be alone. You aren't the only one to have these feelings, and you have the support of Kakashi, Iruka, and myself."
The two were silent as Hiruzen watched Naruto think. He'd signaled his ANBU some time during his speech to keep anyone from entering, and could hear the janitor scrubbing on the other side of the door. A shaky breath broke the soft muted sound of bristles on wood.
"Jii-chan… Do you think Sakura-chan and Sasuke'll still like me if I do that? I—I think I want to be a girl, but I still wanna be Hokage and make everyone acknowledge me, and I finally got some friends and I don't wanna lose 'em, and—"
"In my experience," Hiruzen cut the blonde off, voice grave, "being acknowledged means being seen and accepted for who you truly are. If the villagers respect you as a boy when actually you feel like a girl, isn't it just a different side of them hating you as the fox when you're really a child? Either way it isn't you they are seeing, acknowledging, but someone imagined." Hiruzen leaned over to set down his pipe. He didn't feel like refilling it at the moment. The movement dragged the still embraced Naruto forward, and the old leader used the opportunity to pin him with his eyes, trying to let all his love speak through them.
"As for Sakura and Sasuke," he continued, "it may be rough for them to find out their friend isn't who they thought, they may not know how to act for a while, but true friends will pull through for you, and Naruto? Let me tell you a secret," The glassy-eyed blonde leaned in to hear, "I've never seen you do anything halfway. Not even making friends. You may have some fights, some things may change, but I'd bet my hat your teammates will stand by you."
He heard a breath hitch, saw small shoulders shake, felt the rustle of shifting clothes as the blonde lifted orange-clad arms and wrapped them around his neck. With a warm huff across his shoulder the words "Thanks, Jii-chan" drifted into his ear and Hiruzen smiled.
"If you ever want to try something out, but are unsure, you can come try it out on me," he rubbed a few small circles on the blonde's back, "you don't have to do this alone. If you want help talking with your teammates, I'm sure Kakashi, Iruka, and myself are all more than willing to be there with you. All you have to do is ask," Hiruzen surprised himself by pressing a soft kiss into the yellow spikes of Naruto's hair. He hadn't kissed the top of anyone's head since Konohamaru decided he'd outgrown it. He gave the child in his arms one last reassuring squeeze before letting go. Naruto gave him a bright, full smile, then with a rushed thanks and goodbye was out the door tripping over the janitor.
Hiruzen allowed himself a moment of stillness before pulling the mission report from the chūnin into the empty desk space before him and grabbing his pen.
"'The current of the flowing river does not cease'," he murmured as he set to work. He signaled his AMBU that he was ready to let people enter again. 'And yet the water is not the same as before,' he finished to himself.
Thank you everyone who has read this far! Please leave a review on your way out!
I've created a community called Transgender Fiction Spot, and am now looking for stories to fill it with. If you have any recommendations, please let either myself or SomethingLacking know. SomethingLacking is on staff for this community, and a fellow writer, so I encourage you to check their profile out!
Published:
Words: 3,993