I'll heal the hole in your heart chapter 3

Summary about chapter 3: (They're 16-17 years old) It's Dan's first time on stage after starting in a drama club. Phil is watching him from behind the stage curtain and feelings are slowly making sense.

Words: 1.465

Dan -

"I'm not sure about this, Phil."

"Everything will be fine, Dan. I promise you."

"How can you be so sure?" I asked, whispering, and slowly turned around.

"I've seen you rehearse and you're amazing!" he assured me. I stared nervously at him.

"Let's sit down," Phil said as he led me further behind the stage.

We both sat down on some wooden boxes and stayed silent for a minute. I didn't know what to say; this was my first play, my first time on stage in front of actual people. People who could judge me and make fun of me. People who could ask questions and have opinions.

"Why suddenly so nervous?" Phil asked. He gently lifted up my chin so that he could look at me properly.

I closed my eyes and sighed softly in his hand before I spoke. "It's just… what if something happens?"

"Like what?"

"Like, I forget my lines or fall or even fall off the stage."

"Why would you do that, Dan? I've been to almost all your rehearsals and you've never made a mistake, so why would that happen tonight?"

"My parents are watching..." I muttered simply as I moved my head away from Phil's hand.

"And?" Phil asked, slightly confused.

"I want to prove something to them, Phil..." I focused back on my hands in my lap. "That I'm not just the useless sick Dan who's always sitting inside, doing nothing besides being ill…" I trailed off and took a few deep breaths. This wasn't the time to start crying and be sentimental. "This is the first time I'm doing something. Something they can be proud of. Something they can look back on and be like, 'this is our son'. A thing that's not about hospitals." I turned my head to face Phil. He was looking caringly back at me. "Understand?"

"I understand…" he mumbled. "But they are proud of you anyway, Dan. You don't have to prove it." He paused.

"I'm proud of you. Remember the first time I met you? You were just sitting alone in the back of the classroom, not saying anything, not looking up, nothing. I found you so interesting… I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm not attracted to 'normal'. You were so different."

"And you were nosey..." I nervously giggled.

"Yes. Yes I was." Phil smiled widely. "But when I think back on that time and then think of now, I can see how much you've changed. From not talking to anyone to having the main role in a play in front of a lot of people you don't even know."

"And my parents…"

"Forget your parents. You don't have to do anything to please others, not even your parents. Not even me. Just yourself—no one else. If you're proud of yourself, then that's all that matters."

Phil always knew how to say things so that I understood. And I wanted to do this. It wasn't all about my parents. I wanted to prove something to myself—that I could do things, heart condition or not.

"I'll be standing here and watching you. You're never alone. And maybe someday when you're more comfortable about this, I'll be sitting down there and watch you." Phil got to stand before he helped me up too.

"You're going to do great." He smiled widely and brushed my fringe out of my face. "I think you look more like Peter Pan that the real Peter Pan did."

"You've met Peter Pan?" I asked jokingly.

"Of course I have!" Phil grinned. "We're best friends!"

"I through I was your best friend?" I playfully nudged his shoulder.

"You can call me back the day you can fly."

"You're so annoying," I giggled. I almost forgot how nervous I was. Phil knew all the right ways to calm me down. Besides medication, I believe he was the most important thing in my life. I knew he was.

Then things got hard and my parents were only there to worry. Phil came as my knight in shining armour. He had an amazing ability to push the illness away. He never saw me as ill; I don't know how he managed it. Every time I looked in the mirror, I saw nothing but hospitals. But when I looked at Phil, I saw life. I saw a future.

He was the one who pushed me into acting because he believed I could do it. He saw opportunities, not obstacles.

"Ready Daniel?" I quickly turned around. My drama teacher was walking towards us.

"Ready." I smiled.

"Two minutes."

"Yes, sir."

I turned back to Phil and lazily wrapped my arms around his torso. "Thanks," I breathed into his shoulder.

Phil squeezed me a little tighter. "I'm proud of you," he whispered. "Remember, if you're feeling bad you can just walk out to me. You don't have to stay in there if something starts to hurt or you get dizzy. I won't move from here and you'll be able to see me all the time if you turn your head."

"Yeah..." I muttered as I released Phil from my arms.

Phil -

"Okay," I breathed out. I was almost more nervous than Dan. "Come on." I grabbed Dan's wrist and gently dragged him with me to stand beside the end of the stage curtain.

Dan's drama teacher was standing in the other end across the stage. He gave him a quick smile before Dan turned to face me.

The way he was looking at me made my body heat up. His gaze reminded me of the time we sat by the track, watching our classmates play football on the first day we met. The same thankful way he always looked at me.

The music started playing and Dan immediately focused straight ahead. I kept watching him without him realising and smiled widely. I couldn't believe how far he had come.

I let go of Dan's wrist and watched him as he started to walk slowly towards the middle of the stage.

I had seen them practice hundreds of times, but it still made me happy inside seeing Dan enjoying something. His life revolved around hospitals and worries, but it was like he forgot it all that when he was on stage.

The fact that they chose him for the main role, despite his condition, made him realise something as well. He couldn't let anything come in his way. Everybody was equal and should be treated equally.

Their teacher had modified the play for Dan. He was allowed to sit down from time to time when needed. The girl playing Wendy just followed his lead. She was really good. Dan was still learning, but he was talented—I could tell. His way of expressing emotions was impressive. He could be incredible if he kept going.

I sat down on a chair behind me, just watching the act.

Did I dare say that he looked beautiful? The way his brown hair was slightly messed up because of the role he was playing, and the way it curled in the end? His green costume, fitting his slim body perfectly? I couldn't allow myself to think like that, but I couldn't ignore the facts. He did look beautiful. He did look amazing.

But it was forbidden. How do you tell your best friend, your only friend, that you like him? I knew I was gay and I had known for a while, but my feelings about Dan got mixed up along the way. I felt possessive towards him. I couldn't distinguish between love and protection.

I stopped my thoughts and focused back on the play. Dan had sat down on the stage floor with the girl playing Wendy beside him. They looked so happy and comfortable. Was this jealousy?

"Don't be stupid…" I giggled to myself, shaking my head. I couldn't be jealous. No feelings could control how my relationship with Dan would continue. I had no intention of asking him how he felt in case we were two different places. He had enough to think about, and neither of us could afford to lose a friendship—especially not a friendship like this. I was afraid i would scare him away so I had to keep the feelings in my heart.

I was the one Dan came to when things got to be too much. I was the one going with him everywhere when he was scared. I was the one being with him when he felt alone. And it gave me so much. I had never imagined that I would have such a big impact on someone's life. It was both amazing and terrifying.

Protection is some kind of love, isn't it?

A/N: Please continue! ^^