Her boots crunched through the snow as she walked. A gust of cold air made her shiver, and wrap her jacket tighter around her body. Many of the graves she walked by were covered with snow, the families long since forgotten.

The grave that she stopped in front of looked like it had seen its fair share of visitors. In fact, it was one of the most decorated in the lot.

"Hey, Liv." Elliot jogged to catch up with her as she headed towards the elevator at the precinct.

"What's up?" Olivia asked, turning towards him.

"Nothing much. Actually, I was just wondering..." He took a breath. "Kathy has the kids tonight. I don't really want to be alone on Christmas Eve, and I'm sure you don't either. So... Want to grab a drink with me?"

She smiled at him. Ever since Kathy left him almost two month ago, he'd been in a funk. It was only partly because of her; Olivia knew that, while Elliot loved his wife, it was his children that he truly missed. She couldn't imagine how hard it would be for him to spend the holiday without them.

"Sure, El. That sounds like fun."

When Olivia woke up, she was naked under a heavy down blanket. It took her a moment to realize where she was, but the cluttered, slightly messy bedroom was unmistakable. She threw back the blanket, and searched for something to wear. She found one of his t-shirts and her panties from the night before thrown across the room.

He stood in the kitchen, shirtless, wearing a pair of red pajama pants as he flipped pancakes over the stove.

"Morning, Liv. Merry Christmas." He said, smiling as he looked at her.

What the hell did we do?

She simply stared at him for a moment. This was just too much for her. She turned, nearly ran back into the bedroom, and slammed the door closed behind her. A moment later, she heard him tapping gently on the wood. "Liv? Can I come in?"

She didn't answer. Instead, she rooted through the mess of clothes on the floor, dressing as quickly as possible. What the hell had gotten into her? She slept with her partner, her PARTNER for Christ's sake. Not only that, she also spent the night with him.

He was entirely too close for her comfort. She had to get out of there.

Olivia opened the door, and slammed directly into his arms. "Hey, what are you doing?" The voice that he used was the one reserved for victims and his children: soft, kind, welcoming. It was exactly what she didn't want to hear; he could convince her to walk into Hell with that voice.

"I have to go." She said, attempting to sidestep him. It didn't work, though; he followed her movement, preventing her from getting around him.

"You're being a little rash, aren't you?" He said. "C'mon, take off your jacket and we can talk about this."

"There's nothing to talk about." She avoided his eyes, staring past him into the kitchen instead. "Last night… was a mistake. It shouldn't have happened. I should go."

"You can try to tell yourself that if you want. But I knew exactly what I was doing, and I sure as hell wanted it."

"You're still married, we're partners… this can't happen. We can't do this."

"I'm getting a divorce, Liv. I signed the papers a couple of weeks ago."

"We're partners." Olivia argued weakly.

He placed his hand under her chin, and rose her face so he could look her in the eye. "I know why you really want to run out of here, Liv. And I understand. This whole thing… it's scary and there are about a million reasons we shouldn't do it. But there's one huge reason we should."

"What's that?" Olivia asked.

A smile twitched across his lips. "I love you."

ELLIOT STABLER

OCTOBER 20, 1966 — DECEMBER 25, 2005

NYPD DETECTIVE, MARINE, AND LOVING FATHER

SEMPER FIDELES.

Flowers surrounded the grave, nearly covering the last line. Coins covered the top of the stone, mostly quarters, some pennies and dimes. A Christmas card, clearly homemade by one of his children, sat in front of one of the pots.

"Hey, El." She greeted softly. "Merry Christmas."

"Hey, Liv. We on for drinks tonight?" Elliot asked from across her desk.

Olivia frowned, setting down her pen. "I'm sorry, El, I already have plans."

"Plans? With who?"

"Brian." She said, biting her lip. "He, um… he wants to take me out for our eight month. And, you know, Christmas Eve, and…"

She stopped, and turned away, the pain in his eyes too much for her to bare.

"Oh." He said, forcing a smile. "Well, have a great night. I'll see you the day after tomorrow."

"El-

He shook his head, silencing her. "No. It's okay."

With that, he grabbed his jacket and headed towards the exit. She sighed, running a hand through her hair. A familiar emotion tugged at her heart. She knew exactly what it was. but she shoved it back down, too terrified of what would happen if she let it remain at the surface. She'd already slipped once; she wasn't going to let it happen again. She couldn't, or she may lose him forever.

"Wow, look at that rock!" Fin said, lifting her hand. "Damn, girl, who gave you this?"

"Brian." Olivia said, pulling her hand away. "He, um… he proposed."

Both Munch and Fin approached her, congratulated her, but her eyes were elsewhere. Elliot sat at his desk, frozen in place, shoulders hunched.

She felt his heart break.

He stood slowly, and headed towards the stairwell. She knew exactly where he was going. She followed him. When she opened the door to the roof, she saw him standing at the ledge, gripping the railing.

"El?" She asked softly, approaching him.

He brought his hand to his face for a moment, then turned to her, giving her a smile. "Congrats, Liv. I'm happy for you."

"Bull." she said. "Why don't you tell me how you really feel?"

He closed the distance between them. "Olivia… just go back downstairs."

"I'm not going anywhere until you talk to me."

"I love you, Olivia. More than my own life. I would do anything for you. Can't you… don't you see that?"

Her silence was all the answer he needed.

"Do you love the guy, Olivia?"

"Yes."

He nodded. She felt his heart break a little more. "If he loves you, you love him, he treats you the way you should be treated… then marry him. I just want you to be happy. If that's with someone else, and not me… then I guess it's going to have to be okay."

He leaned in, pressed a kiss to her cheek, and walked past her.

Olivia stood in front of Brian, white dress and all. Everyone was there: Cragen, Munch, Fin, Melinda, and even a few of the lab techs. Everyone, of course, except the one that mattered most. Elliot. As soon as she started walking down the aisle, her eyes scanned the crowd for him, and her heart dropped when she realized that he wasn't there.

She didn't blame him. She could imagine the kind of pain that being here could cause him.

The door creaked. She glanced up, and there he was, dressed in a black suit, standing in the corner, arms crossed as he watched.

"Congratulations, Liv." Elliot said, during the reception.

"Thanks, El." She said. She squeezed Brian's hand. "I'll be right back, I just want to talk to Elliot for a minute."

They strolled across the dance floor. "Listen, it really means a lot to me that you're here. Thank you for coming."

Elliot shrugged. "It's my best friend's wedding night. I couldn't miss it."

She smiled slightly as another slow song began to play. "Well, since it's my wedding night, will you dance with me?"

He shoved his hands into his pockets, taking a step back. "I don't know, Liv. Your new husband wouldn't mind?"

"You're my best friend. He's not going to mind one dance."

Finally, he nodded. "Okay."

He placed his hands on her waist, she wrapped her arms around his neck, and they swayed to the music.

Halfway through the song, he dropped his hands, and looked down, shaking his head. "I'm sorry, Liv. I-I can't do this."

"Can't do what?"

"You know what." He mumbled. "Just enjoy your night with Brian. I'll see you at work."

He turned, and hurried away, leaving her alone and wondering what the hell had just happened.

"I don't blame you for leaving. I really don't. If it were me, I would feel the same way." Olivia wiped away the tears. "I should have seen all the pain you were going through. You left your family, and then… we slept together, you… you thought we would get together, be a real couple, and I took every opportunity to slam my relationship with Brian in your face."

She heard snow crunching behind her, and turned. Captain Cragen approached the grave site, wearing a heavy coat and wool cap.

"Merry Christmas, Liv." He said, standing next to her.

"Merry Christmas." She answered.

Cragen reached out, and placed a few quarters on the top of the grave. "They're state quarters. One of them from South Carolina, where he went for basic training. New York, of course, and one for California. He once mentioned he always wanted to go there for a vacation."

It just made more tears form in her eyes. She didn't know why, but that thought just made her heart break.

He never got to take his vacation. He never got to go to California.

Cragen squeezed her shoulder. "Liv? Are you okay?"

She shook her head. "No."

"Talk to me." He said gently.

"I hate myself for what I did to him." Olivia whispered. "All's he did was love me, and he just wanted me to be happy. And… I didn't even give him the time of day. I saw how much pain he was in…"

"Did you love him?" Cragen asked. "Be honest with me."

"I will never stop loving him."

Olivia was exhausted, frustrated, and she wanted nothing more than to go home. It was past noon on Christmas Day, and the entire squad had been up for three days straight, looking for a predator kidnapping young women.

Elliot had disappeared down the hallway moments before, saying something about a pounding headache that just wouldn't go away. She stared at the information in front of her, mind racing in a dozen different directions.

"Where's that DD-5? Elliot must have it." She said to herself. She stood, opened the first file on his desk, and gasped audibly when she saw the papers at the top.

NYPD REQUEST OF UNIT TRANSFER.

He's quitting. He's leaving me. Why is he doing this?

She dropped the folder, and sat back down at her desk, shuffling some paperwork in front of her. When he returned, she pulled him into one of the interview rooms.

"What the hell, Olivia?"

"I saw the transfer request form on your desk." She said. "What's going on, Elliot? Why didn't you tell me?"

He shook his head, walking towards the door. "We're right in the middle of a case, and you want to talk about some papers you snooped at on my desk?"

"Yes, in fact, I do." Olivia said, standing between him and the door. "What gives? You owe me at least an explanation."

Elliot shrugged, brushing past her. "Burnt out."

"Oh, that's bullshit, Elliot, and we both know it."

"Don't worry about it. Let's just finish this so you can get home to your husband."

Olivia huffed, approaching him. "You know, I figured what you're so pissed off about. And I'm sorry, Elliot, I really am, but don't quit because of it."

He shook his head, eyes watering. His demeanor turned resigned. "You really don't get it, do you?"

"Then why don't you explain it to me?" She asked gently.

"If you don't understand how I'm feeling now, then you never will." He said, biting his lip. "Listen, Olivia. Every day, I look across my desk at you, and think about what could have been. I'm not saying it's your fault, it's not. It's me, I just… I can't handle it anymore. I told you that your happiness in number one to me, and it still is. Sometimes, I just wish that… that you never spent that night with me two years ago, because I wouldn't know just how much I need you. Then, maybe I wouldn't feel like this."

"El…"

He shook his head, giving a sad smile. "C'mon. We have a case to solve."

Elliot turned away from her, and her next actions were purely instinct. She grabbed the material of his jacket, pulled him close, and pressed her lips to his.

He pulled away like she had burned him. It was definitely not the reaction that she was expecting.

"El?"

He shook his head violently. "Don't do this to me, Olivia. You're not leaving your husband, so please don't torture me like this."

He walked out of the interview room, and slammed the door.

When she left the interview room, he was pulling his coat on. "Grab your coat. Our perp was seen."

"Where?" Olivia asked as they rushed down the hallway.

They arrived at the apartment twenty minutes later. Elliot banged on the door. "Keith Dowd! NYPD, open the door!"

No answer. They both took out their guns, Elliot quietly counted to three, and kicked the door in. When they entered, Dowd was in the living room, holding a gun. He quickly aimed at Olivia.

"I'll shoot, I swear to God!" He said.

"Put the gun down, Dowd." Elliot said. "Don't be stupid, if you shoot her I'll have no choice but to shoot you. You don't want that, do you?"

Dowd glanced at Elliot. "I'm going away for the rest of my life, anyway. I may as well take one of you pigs with me."

"Come on, Keith." Olivia said. "You don't want to die, do you?"

Before she knew what was happening, two shots rang out. A strong force slammed into her, knocked the wind out of her and sent her to the ground. She sat up immediately, her eyes scanning the room. Keith Dowd laid in a pool of his own blood. A single shot went straight through his neck.

Beautiful shot, El.

Her eyes went to the spot where he had been standing, but he wasn't standing anymore. Elliot laid in a crumpled heap on the floor. Blood seeped through his dress shirt.

"Elliot." She scrambled over to him, ripping the radio out of her pocket. "10-13, 10-13, officer down! I need a bus now!"

She pressed both palms against the wound in his chest. He groaned, and his eyes opened slowly. She hated the pain that clouded them. She would do anything to take it away. "Stay with me, El. Please, just stay with me."

"Liv…" He mumbled, eyes focusing in on her.

"I'm here." She said. The blood was pouring out now, covering her hands with no signs of slowing. "The bus is coming, you just have to-

"Stop." He said. His face was growing pale. His shaking hand wrapped around her wrist. "W-we both know th-that…"

She shushed him, tears forming in her eyes. "Don't even think it, Stabler. You're not going anywhere, you're staying right here with me."

He coughed weakly, and a stream of blood ran from the side of his mouth. She wiped it away quickly.

"J-just tell me… w-when you kissed me…"

"I had to see if there was anything still there." She whispered. "I shouldn't have…"

"W-was th-there?"

Olivia nodded, the tears starting to roll down her cheeks. "There always was, El."

Elliot nodded once, a smile twitching across his lips. His chest barely moved under her hands; his breathing was slow and labored.

"Please don't give up on me." She whispered. She knew that the plea would fall on deaf ears; he was dying next to her, and there was nothing that she could do about it.

"I love you." He said. It took all of his strength to reach up and brush a lock of hair behind her ear. She caught his hand with one of hers, which was sticky and covered with his blood, and squeezed.

"W-will you d-do something for me?"

"Anything." Olivia answered.

"J-just kiss me. O-one last t-

The words died at his lips. He didn't have the strength to speak anymore; he barely had the strength to keep his eyes open.

Olivia gently pulled his upper body into her lap, stroking the side of his face. She leaned in, and brushed her lips against his. They were cold… so different from that Christmas Eve a few years prior. Still, she held them together, heart warming and breaking at the same time.

She pulled away, but kept their foreheads together, kept his upper body held close to hers. His hand moved slowly, and gripped the material of her jacket with surprising strength. His breathing hitched. The fire in his eyes died, his grip on her loosened, and, with his very last motion, his eyes slid shut.

Olivia couldn't control the tears now. She felt Cragen's hand wrap around her shoulder. "He wasn't even forty, Don. He didn't get to see three of his children even graduate high school, didn't get to see them get married, or see them have children of their own."

"I know, it's not fair. He should have lived a long, happy life. But Olivia?" He squatted in front of her, looking her dead in the eyes. "He didn't. He was killed by a violent predator, and it absolutely was not your fault. Do you hear me?"

She wiped her eyes. "If I had told him how I felt…"

"It still would have ended the same way." Don said. "He would have died to protect you, no matter what."

As much as she hated to think it, she knew that what the captain said was true. Even if she had stayed with Elliot that Christmas, even if she chose him over Brian, even if they had a life together, the outcome would have been the same.

"But at least then he would have died happy." She whispered. "I-I would know what it w-would feel like to…"

"To be with him?" Craven finished.

Olivia nodded, wiping at her tears. Her mind turned back to that one night with him. Right after it happened, she forced herself to forget about it, not to think about what they had done, and she knew exactly why. If she allowed herself to think about it, she would have ran into his arms with absolutely no thoughts of Brian. It had been the perfect mix; he had been caring, gentle, and loving, but adventurous and assertive as well.

Don pulled her into a hug. "You can't change what happened, Olivia. You didn't know."

The doors to the church opened. Olivia walked down the aisle, eyes glued to the man waiting for her. He wore a completely white suit; the window behind him bathed him in light. He looked almost angelic. She walked towards him, seemingly in slow motion. He held out a hand for her to take. It was warm around her own.

He pulled her close, wrapped his other arm around her waist, and pressed his lips to hers. They felt just how she remembered them… warm, soft, welcoming.

"We had our one night together." He said, placing his hand on her cheek, and stroking gently. "That's enough for me."

"I'm sorry." She whispered.

He smiled, and shook his head. "Don't be."

He held her hand tightly as they walked into the light.

A/N: I know, I'm a terrible person... but I couldn't have ALL happy stories, could I? I was GOING to have them get together when I started writing, but, well... the story just kind of took control of itself. Don't hate me! Oh, and let me know what you think!

Also: The newest chapter of Clash is now posted! I would love it if you guys headed over there, read and let me know what you think of that one!