A/N: So sorry for yesterday, guys. I had a busy day. But here you go, another one shot!

It was the first time that he'd ever been in the squad room after seven o'clock on Christmas Eve when there wasn't a major case going on. He'd been staying there a lot over the past couple weeks or so; being in the doghouse with the woman he lived with would do that, he supposed. If he still lived there, that is. He wouldn't have been surprised if she packed up all of his shit and threw it in the garbage. Worst part was, he deserved it.

"You gonna go home any time soon?"

Captain Cragen stood over him, hands shoved in the pockets of his suit pants.

"Probably not."

"Why?"

Elliot shrugged silently.

"You've been staying here more than home over the past few weeks. Don't tell me that's just because you love work so much, Elliot. What's going on?"

"Leave."

"Olivia, please-

"No. You clearly chose who you wanted, so go be with her."

He probably hated himself for what he did to her just as much as she hated him for it, and that was saying something.

"I screwed up." Elliot said finally, slowly looking up at the captain. "I screwed up, Don, and I don't know if… I don't think I'll ever be able to make it better."

"What did you do?"

"I went to Kathy." He whispered. "I don't even know what happened, I just… I went to her, a-and…"

Elliot saw the disappointment in Cragen's eyes. It just made him feel worse. The captain dragged a chair over, and sat next to Elliot, taking a deep breath. "What were you thinking?"

"I wasn't." He mumbled. "I mean, that's obvious."

"Well, do you want to go back to Kathy?"

Elliot snorted. "Even if I did, one night doesn't change anything with us. I still have the divorce papers."

"Have you signed them?"

"No."

"And you wonder why she's upset?"

He dropped his face into his hands. "I'm an idiot."

He couldn't explain why he hadn't signed the divorce papers yet. He supposed he was just afraid to leave his old life behind. He had spend twenty years of his life with Kathy and his children, and they had been good. Olivia was his best friend, his rock, and the person that gave him stability. She'd even taken him in without so much as a second thought during this tumultuous time with the divorce. After what he had done, though, he would be surprised if she let him stay another night in her apartment.

"You need to make this right." Cragen said.

"I tried to apologize, hell, I begged her to forgive me, but…"

"She doesn't need your apologies, Elliot."

"Then what does she need?" Elliot pleaded, looking up at the captain. "I don't know what else to do to try and make it up to her, Cap, I really don't."

Cragen shrugged, standing. "You're going to have to figure that out on your own."

He disappeared beyond the doorway of his office, and Elliot sighed, scrubbing his face with his hands.

Elliot grabbed his coat, and slipped it on as he walked out the door. The whole ride to the apartment, he tried to think of what he could possibly say or do. By the time he reached her door, he hadn't thought of a single thing to say to her to try and make it up to her.

He knocked anyway. A long moment passed, without so much as a peep from behind the door. Elliot knocked again. Nothing.

"Liv, I know you're in there. Please open the door."

Another moment passed. The door opened slowly. Olivia stood behind it, a deep frown on her face. She looked exhausted. "What do you want, Elliot?"

"I really need to talk to you." He said. "Can I come in? Please?"

"I'm really not in the mood. You should go."

"I can't. Not without at least trying to explain myself." Elliot leaned in, placing his hand on the doorframe. He stared into her eyes, pleading with her. I was so stupid. Please, you have to understand.

"You don't have to explain." Olivia said. "You already made your decision."

He didn't blame her one bit for her attitude. Hell, he should have been used to it by now; it had taken painstaking effort for him to get her to open up in the first place. Now, he was sure that she would never do it again. He was surprised she hadn't slammed the door in his face by now. "I didn't make any decision, Olivia. You just assumed I did."

"Well, I think it's a fair assumption." She snapped.

Elliot sighed, rubbing his forehead. "Listen, I didn't come here to argue with you."

"Then why did you come?"

"Please let me in." He said softly. "Just for a few minutes."

Olivia stared at him. He prayed that she could see the remorse in his eyes. Finally, she sighed, and stepped aside. He took the invitation without hesitation, sliding into the apartment. In the living room, a wine bottle and a pint of ice cream sat on the coffee table. A movie was paused on the television. He knew that it was a terrible thing to think, but he was happy that she was alone tonight. He didn't think he would be able to handle it if another man had been in her apartment, even though he had absolutely no right to think that.

"Alright, you're in." Olivia said, crossing her arms as she approached him. "What do you want?"

He turned towards her. She looked like she'd rather be doing just about anything than be with him. His heart clenched, and he cursed himself. Serves you right, asshole.

"I want to apologize." He said. "I know it's not enough, but…"

"You're right, it's not enough. Is that all you came here to say?"

"No. That thing with Kathy…you have to know that it didn't mean…"

"She's your wife, Elliot, what you do with her is none of my business."

"Dammit, Olivia, will you let me speak?" He approached her, reached up to place his hand on her cheek, but thought better of it. "I regret all of it. Going over there, talking with her, and letting her convince me to stay. I don't want Kathy, I want you, before that night, and especially after it."

"You're not doing a very good job convincing me of that." Olivia said softly, stepping away from him. "You did it once, that proves to me that you still have feelings for her. She was your wife for twenty years, of course you do. But how do I know that you're not going to act on them again."

He tried to think of something to say, but fell short. He shrugged, lowering his guess to the floor. "I don't know." he murmured. "I mean, obviously my words aren't enough."

He reached into the inside pocket of his jacket, and held a packet of folded paper out to her. "I guess this is the only thing I can offer."

It was a set of his divorce papers, copied from the originals. He had neatly signed his name on the bottom line. She took them, and he watched the expression on her face as she unfolded them. Her face was unreadable.

The moment that followed was painful and long. As each second passed, his heart sunk further and further. Finally, he couldn't take it anymore.

"Alright." He said, his voice tight with sadness. His heart broke in his chest. "I get it, I don't blame you. I'll have the rest of my stuff out of here by Monday."

He turned, and walked quickly to the door. He had to get out of there; he felt like he was suffocating. His world was crashing around him. You just fucked up the best thing you could ever have. Good job, Stabler.

"Elliot."

He turned to her, and it was then he realized that a few tears had rolled down his face. "You don't have to explain anything to me. You're right, I deserve this, I…" He swallowed, his voice cracking. "You deserve better than me."

She walked up to him slowly, closing the door. Her body stood between him and the door, preventing his exit.

"You really hurt me, you know. I know we're not officially anything like that, but… I really thought we were going somewhere with this."

He nodded. "Believe me, I know. I'm so sorry, Liv, I… I've never been more sorry about anything. Please give me another chance."

She stared into his eyes for a moment, scrutinizing. He took the moment to close the distance between them, and took her hand in his. "Please let me make it up to you."

Olivia didn't pull away, so he grew a little more daring, placing his other hand on her cheek.

"I would choose you over Kathy any day. I don't know what I was thinking, but I promise I will never let it happen again. Ever." His thumb stroked her cheekbone. He whispered, "You are, without a doubt, the most important woman in my life, and I'm not just blowing hot air. This whole time, I've felt like my heart is just falling apart because I know how much I hurt you."

"El-

He shushed her gently. "I want you, and only you. If you give me this one chance, I swear, Olivia, I will not let you down again."

"How do I know that?" She asked quietly.

"You'll just have to believe me." Elliot said. "You've never had trouble putting your trust in me before."

He stared into her eyes, waiting, pleading, downright praying. Finally, she took a deep breath. "If you ever do this to me again, I will castrate you. You know that, right?"

Elliot chuckled, and nodded, feeling tears come to the surface again. "I know."

Olivia nodded once. "You have your chance, then."

He pressed his lips to hers; he couldn't help it. A millisecond after he did, he expected her to slap him, to pull away, to tell him that it was way too soon. But to his surprise, she didn't. She wrapped her arms around him, and leaned into the kiss.

"Merry Christmas, Liv." He said as they broke apart.

"Merry Christmas."

Eliot smiled, leaning in for another quick peck. "Best Christmas gift I could have ever gotten."

A/N: Please let me know what you think!