AN: This one comes from a guest prompt, I'll put it at the bottom so I don't spoil the chapter for you. I hope you guys enjoy it, I wasn't really feeling this one too much but that could be me just being tired.

December 16th

On an uncharacteristic day off Jane sprawled on the sofa in sweats and a over worn, oversized jumper. It wasn't classy but damn it was toasty. She spent her morning trying to break through her TiVo backlog, while Maura took Angela Christmas shopping. They had tried to convince her to come along, however they all agreed that her persistent whining and potential for sporadic violence in crowds was something nobody needed to deal with.

Every now and then she would receive updates from Maura, the odd question here and there about whether this gift or that would be better. She really wanted to give everyone something special, but had the tendency to go overboard. Having Jane on hand, even if it was on the other end of the phone, helped her to find a good balance.

Mid afternoon Maura and Angela returned arms laden with bags from almost every store the city had to offer. They were all placed in the living room to be sorted later as it was agreed some strong coffee was in order.

"So did you two get everything you needed? Looking at those bags I hope so, or else Maura might need to remortgage the house."

The doctor tried to stare down the sarcasm, but a well rested Jane was a battle of wits she just couldn't trump. Instead she just waved her off as she fixed up three cups of coffee.

"You should have come Jane, you don't want to be running around Christmas Eve trying to find something to pass of as a thoughtful gift."

Jane's jaw hung slack, "How do you know I've not finished already? Betcha didn't think of that."

"Well I've not seen any gifts around here,"

"I'm a detective Ma, not a moron. Why would I leave presents in plain view, that's just a new kind of stupid."

The sky began to darken a few hours later, Angela had said her goodbyes with arms bowed under bags. Maura was sat on the living room floor eagerly showing Jane the items she had bought for the family. It was hard not to get into the spirit when she was getting so excited. When the detective noticed a lull in the conversation she looked down to see the blonde worrying her nail between teeth.

"Do you think it's too much?"

"What do you mean?"

"I know you said they were good choices, but is it too much? I tend to forget that sometimes it isn't as easy as just going to the store and buying what ever you want. I don't want people to upset anyone."

Jane had slipped from the sofa and wrapped an anxious Maura up in her warm arms.

"You won't. Everything is perfect. I mean unless you sprung for quad bikes for Frankie and Tommy and didn't get me one, then no one is going to be upset."

Maura turned in her arms resting her head against her shoulder. "Well now you've ruined the surprise,"

Jane looked down at her in shock,

"No Jane, I did not buy your brothers quad bikes."

"You do know they would do every odd job you ever had if you did."

"As much as I love them both, there are times I'd rather hire a professional."

"Yeah, don't let them hear you say that, or that I agree entirely. Now I vote that we pack up all this stuff and try and enjoy what little free time we have left until both our phones remind us that we have real jobs to do."

"Seconded, and carried,"

With the spoils of her shopping trip squared away the pair lay comfortably on the bed, Maura drawing lazy patterns on Jane's arm.

"I don't suppose while we were out you opened today's box?"

"Maura you left me in my official slob gear on the couch, which is exactly where you found me when you came back. So no. It isn't one you've already peeked in is it?"

"No, not this one."

Rolling from the warm embrace the blonde returned with a slightly larger box than yesterday's. Sitting cross legged on the bed she prised the lid open and up ended the contents onto the bed. Jane sat up instantly.

"I now my tastes may seem a little tame for some people, but what the hell is that? And, just, well how?"

This was one of those rare moments when Maura agreed with Jane, not that she always verbalised it when she did. Although she had seen this particular item before when browsing for toys for her own collection, she would never have considered purchasing it. Here on their bed was a toy supposedly designed to simulate a lovers tongue, only there were several on a rotating wheel, and nothing about it looked remotely pleasurable.

Jane turned the item over in her hands, "It looks like something I'd put in the bath with TJ! I mean if I didn't know what kind of 'toy' it was supposed to be. Quick fill the tub I wanna watch it swim across the water!"

Reaching over Maura took it from her, inspecting it with a slightly more critical eye. Jane could see that the humour of the situation hadn't quite got to her.

"Tell me you can see the funny side of this Maur. I know you bought this whole thing for us to enjoy, and believe me I have been, but twenty four different toys for us to use is a hard task in itself you have to admit. I just can't believe that someone designing thought this would inspire trembling knees and toe curling orgasms. After all that's what I've got your tongue for."

Maura tried her best to play offended, but Jane had a point, well at least about the variety of toys available to them. After al there are only so many vibrators one can own before you end up with a controlling share in Duracell.

During her inspection she found the on switch, the wheel of silicone 'tongues' whirred into life. The jarring motion of the motor caused her to drop it onto the bed, this time unrestrained laughter flew from her as the friction of the silicone on the sheets actually allowed it to find purchase. Meaning, the toy was quite literally licking its way across the bed.

"Look at it go! I told you, steam boat willy over here belongs in the tub."

"Jane I'm not sure it's waterproof, so that may not be the best use for it."

"Oh but you know I do have an idea,"

Flashing a grin Jane shot up from the bed into the walk in closet and returned with what was becoming a rather full box of their varying toys.

"Ok Jane, I love you sweetie, but there is no way we can-"

"Trust me Maur, this is either going to work brilliantly or be a complete dud. But I have every confidence that it is going to be hilarious."

Placing the box on the bed Jane tidied a space up on the floor, using some discarded socks she marked out two rectangles on the carpet. The doctor sat up on the bed trying to figure out just what she was doing, but nothing came to mind.

"Ok you need to pick out one, but it has to take batteries. So as much as I know you love the glass ones, they'll be no good for this."

"Jane what are you doing?"

The detective grinned widely, dimples popping, "We are going to play a game,"

"You have totally lost me here,"

"Have you by any remote chance heard of a spectacularly silly game dubbed, so very eloquently, 'vibrator races'?"

It took a few seconds for Maura to put together the information in her head, but when she got the full picture she was matching Jane's goofy smile.

"While I've not actually heard of this, I'm much more interested to know why you know about it."

Jane put a hand to her chest, "My dear, I'm not quite the shrinking violet you all have me pegged to be. I'll be honest I can't even remember either, but steam boat willie over there must have triggered a memory."

"Have you named all the toys Jane?"

"A few, much more simplistic though. There's 'yes', 'oh god yes' and Bob."

"Bob? And which one is that?"

"Which ever one loses to Willy! Now pick your racer!"

Maura shook her head, but delved into their little treasure chest all the same.

AN: Ok someone asked me to write a chapter where things go comically awry, and I remember seeing a genuine product like the one described with such awful reviews and the two just came together, fyi, somewhere vibrator races was/is a thing. Mostly drunk women having a laugh, and I hope you did too.