Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Suggested Listening: "Lost & Far From Home" by Katie Costello
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Sitting behind the wheel of her car, Bella waited in her driveway, watching as the snowflakes collided with the windshield. The heat from the vents caused each one to melt on contact, drops of water disappearing as they rolled down the glass.
Bella didn't move. She left the car running and the headlights on as she took a deep breath, closing her eyes and letting her head fall back against the seat.
She had no idea how it was almost Christmas already.
It seemed like no time had passed at all, even though so much of it had.
Bella had just drove home from Neah Bay, thankful she'd missed the start of the snow. Maddie was spending a few days with Embry's mother. They didn't see her often, but Tiffany reached out to Bella a week earlier asking if she could see the little girl before the holiday.
Tiffany hadn't been around much, and Bella had very few memories of her. She moved back to Neah Bay shortly after Embry graduated high school. She and Embry were never close, mostly due to the way she lived her life during his childhood. She worked two jobs and was never home. Her night job as a bartender came with an endless parade of men that made stops in her bed but never returned. Embry always said he spent a majority of his childhood raising himself, and that it was always a wonder he turned out as normal as he did.
By the time his mother started to get her life together, Embry phased for the first time. He couldn't tell her why he was gone for hours at a time, why he snuck out at night, and why he never heeded her attempts at punishment. It put pressure on tension that had been there from the start.
By the time Embry was out of school, mother and son were all but estranged.
They had reconnected a few times over the years, as his mother tried to mend the mistakes she made. And Embry, who always had more forgiveness in him than the rest of the pack put together, had made his best effort to let her.
Still, Bella would have been lying if she said there wasn't some apprehension about leaving her little girl there for so many days.
And in reality, it had little to do with the past.
Setting foot in Embry's mother's house only confirmed Tiffany didn't have the support system Bella and Maddie had. Bella recognized a lot of it from her own experience - the messes around the house, the wrinkled sheets and blankets on the sofa. The dark circles under Tiffany's eyes.
Bella almost scooped up Maddie and left, knowing it hadn't been that long since that was their house. That it was her face looking that way to her daughter.
Knowing she didn't want anything or anyone taking the little girl back to that place.
But she didn't...because another part of her saw that spark of light in Tiffany's eyes when she wrapped her arms around Maddie.
And Bella couldn't help but think maybe a few days with her granddaughter would help soothe the ache Tiffany no doubt possessed inside her.
Before she left Tiffany's house, Bella looked back from where Maddie disappeared a moment earlier, running into the living room and bouncing onto the couch. Offering Embry's mother a smile, she stepped forward, ignoring the surprised squeak she made when Bella threw her arms tightly around the other woman's sagging shoulders.
It took a moment, but Tiffany eventually relaxed. She eventually hugged her back.
"I'll visit more often," Bella said quietly, not fully understanding why but knowing it was something she needed to say.
It made Bella think a lot on the way home - about the other people in her life. About Jacob, about the pack. About Quil. Maybe it was the season, or maybe it was seeing Tiffany for the first time since the funeral. Still, almost ten months had passed and she felt like she hadn't taken a genuine moment to consider if there was anything else she could do to make sure they were healing. That everyone else was moving forward.
She had been so preoccupied with her own family - with herself and with her daughter - that the more she thought about it, the more she knew she'd be lying if she said she didn't hate herself a little for it.
Bella opened her eyes, seeing the snowflakes swirling in front of her headlights.
Knowing she had a few days to see if there was any way she could make it up to them. Knowing where she needed to start.
With the person who had been there the most.
Leaning forward, Bella slipped the car into reverse. Once she backed out of the driveway, she let the car move slower than normal to compensate for the slick roads and the curves that made them especially dangerous. It was a short drive to the heart of the reservation, one she made in about twice the time it normally took.
Pulling up to a familiar building - La Push's small grocery store - Bella put the car in park, turning off the engine with a twist of her wrist.
Pulling her coat tighter around her small frame, Bella climbed out of the car, allowing her gaze to lift. Feeling a sense of relief when she saw a warm, yellow light pouring through the windows above the store. Taking a deep breath, Bella dipped her head toward the ground, blocking the wind as she made her way across the street, climbing the stairs on the outside of the building until she reached a worn, wooden door.
She knocked, still not sure what she was going to say when the door opened.
She had less than three seconds to figure it out.
A warm burst of air slammed into Bella when the door swung open. Glancing up, she was met by Quil, dressed in sweatpants and an old t-shirt, blinking in surprise at the person he found outside his door.
"Bella...hey," he greeted. "What the hell are you doing out in this weather?"
Wrapping her arms around herself, Bella rubbed her hands up and down her arms. "I just got back from taking Maddie to Neah Bay."
Quil shifted his weight from one foot to the other. "Embry's mom?"
Bella nodded. "She's spending a few days up there."
It was Quil's turn to nod, watching Bella for a single moment before his eyes widened suddenly. "Shit, sorry!" he exclaimed, taking a step back from the door. "Come in."
A small smile pulling at her lips, Bella stepped through the door, grateful to put the cold behind her as Quil closed the door.
"You can tell how often I have company. My sense of hospitality is horrible…"
"It's okay," Bella murmured, stepping to her right into the kitchen. She hadn't spent a lot of time in Quil's apartment, but she'd seen it once or twice when he'd first moved up there. His family owned the building and since his mother managed the store below it, Quil had jumped on the chance to get out of her house when the people who lived in it moved to Hoquiam.
As Bella shrugged out of her coat, Quil brushed past her, bare feet padding across the wooden floors until he reached the microwave. "So...I'd offer you coffee or something, but I kinda was already making hot chocolate…"
Bella returned the grin he offered her. "You've been spending too much time around my three-year-old."
Quil shrugged. "Nah...I just like the sweet stuff. And I like more marshmallows in it than she does." Winking at her, he moved to the cupboard before looking back. "You want a cup?"
Taking a deep breath, Bella found herself nodding.
"Perfect," Quil replied, turning back to the counter to prepare the second mug. "So normally my Friday nights consist of my couch, sports, and the occasional beer...or in tonight's case, hot chocolate...so this is an unexpected surprise."
Grimacing, Bella was thankful he didn't see it. "I'm sorry if I was interrupting anything. I probably should have called."
"Hey, it's cool," Quil assured, his back still to her as he placed the mug in the microwave. With a sigh, he finally turned around, leaning back against the counter and crossing his arms in front of his broad chest. "I was actually watching bowling, so I'm glad you showed up because really...that's kind of a whole new level of sad, even for me."
Laughing, Bella's fingers curled around the back of one of the chairs pushed up to the kitchen table. Pulling the chair out without really thinking about it, she silently slid into it. Leaning forward, her forearms pressed against the table, fingers lacing together absentmindedly before she looked up to find Quil still watching her.
"So what's up?" he asked earnestly, one eyebrow lifting. "House too quiet with Maddie gone?"
Taking a deep breath, Bella offered him a half-smile. "I actually didn't even make it into the house."
Quil's shoulders rose and fell with an understanding breath. His lips parted to speak, but he was interrupted by the shrill beep of the microwave. Closing his mouth, he turned, popping open its door and pulling out the steaming mug. Stirring it quickly with a spoon, he moved toward Bella with a proud smile, placing it in front of her.
"Swiss Miss...it'll be the best damn hot chocolate you've ever had, made with love and good intentions," Quil announced with a cheesy grin. "Promise."
Bella chuckled. "Just so long as you promise."
A silence settled between them as Quil slid into the chair across from her, watching in cautious anticipation as she wrapped her cold hands around the mug. Still, Bella had a feeling she was going to keep him waiting, at least where the hot chocolate was concerned.
"But it wasn't the quiet house...not really."
"What wasn't?" Quil asked quietly.
Looking up from the mug, Bella released a breath. "Why I came by."
Quil frowned, brows pulling down between both eyes as he studied her. Bella licked her lips, pulling the bottom one between her teeth for a second before releasing it. Before she let go of the mug and asked.
"How are you?"
Quil blinked, his mouth opening as he tipped his head to one side. "Good," he replied slowly, the word uncertain. "How are you?"
Bella shook her head with a sigh. "No, I mean...how are you, Quil? Like...in general."
Quil sat back in his chair, letting his hands fall to his lap. "I'm still not sure I follow, Bella…"
Leaning forward, Bella absentmindedly played with the emerald ring, twirling it around her finger. "You know how I am," she pressed on, not entirely sure she was making sense. "You know because you've been there and I've told you. You know how Maddie is, because you've been there for her, too. But I don't ask you enough...how you are. If you're...doing okay."
A ripple of understanding passed across Quil's features, softening them, and Bella let out a relieved breath.
"Bella," he murmured, leaning forward again. "You don't have to worry about me."
"But I do," Bella interrupted, eyes widening in sincerity. "I worry about all of you, even if I do a crappy job of showing it sometimes. It's just...I think I'm finally in a place where I'm starting to see everything else that's still here...everything besides my family. The pack, Jacob...you."
Quil stared at the table. Pulling in a deep breath, he glanced up at her, offering her a smile. "I'm doing okay, Bella. Really, I am."
"Are you?" Bella wondered, reaching for the mug again, her grip tightening around it. "Because if you're not, I want you to know...I'm here, too. I can be here. I can listen. I can...talk about things, if you need to. I don't ever want you to feel like this is one-sided or that you're alone or don't have anyone to talk to."
Bella waited as Quil reached out, scooting forward in his chair and rotating his mug between thick fingers.
"Am I making any sense at all right now?" Bella questioned tentatively, holding her breath as she waited for Quil to respond.
Finally, he looked up.
"You are. And I know you're here, and I appreciate it. Really, I do," he replied, that sincere smile still resting on his mouth. "And I won't lie and say I don't have my moments, but I mean it, Bella, when I say I'm doing okay."
Blinking, Bella could feel a subtle heat in her cheeks, feeling sort of foolish for barreling into Quil's apartment with her compassionate guns blazing. Still, she didn't regret it because she wanted him to know.
That she would try to be there for him, too. That she could be his friend, if that's what he wanted.
It was the least she could do, especially after everything he'd done for Maddie. After he'd let her lean on him, more than once. It was the least she could do to show him how much it meant to her.
Nodding, Bella studied the way the hot chocolate looked in her mug.
"Okay."
Bella lost track of the moments they sat there in silence, staying that way until Quil released a heavy sigh. Until he pushed back his chair, its legs scraping roughly against the floor beneath them.
"However, since you're offering, there is one thing you can do…"
Bella peered across the kitchen, realizing Quil was already on his feet, an amused sparkle in his eyes as he watched her.
Bella swallowed. "What's that?"
Quil grinned, partially turning toward the sink before depositing his mug in it. "Pick a night...any night, after Christmas. Figure out what you want to do and we're gonna do it."
Bella's lips parted in surprise. "Wh...what?"
Shrugging, Quil leaned against the counter again. "When's the last time you got out of the house to do anything fun?"
Bella's mouth stayed open, but she couldn't think of an honest response.
"Exactly," Quil continued pointedly. "I spend all week doing fun things with Maddie and as much as I love hanging out with her, there's only so much conversation you can have with a three-year-old before you start to crave one with another adult."
Bella smiled, finally lifting the mug from the table.
"And I figure since I spend so much time with her, it's only fair you get your turn, too," Quil figured. "You're part of that package, so...pick a night. Pick something to do and we're gonna do it."
Pausing with the mug just beneath her mouth, Bella opened it to speak.
"No arguing," Quil interrupted, lifting up one hand and waving it in a teasing, defensive gesture.
"Quil…"
"Because I'm willing to bet you're kind of craving some adult conversation, too, so…"
"Quil!"
Quil's mouth shut with a snap, both eyebrows lifting at Bella's interruption. Waiting for her to speak since it was entirely obvious she wanted to. Fighting the grin on his mouth as he waited.
She leaned forward in her chair, projecting her sincerity without a sound. Sealing it with a single word. Lifting her eyebrows and letting the smallest of smiles cross her lips.
"Okay."
Settling back into her chair, Bella finally took a sip of the hot chocolate. It was sweet and rich on her tongue. Swallowing, she half-expected Quil to keep on the subject of an adult night out, but she was surprised when he stayed silent, watching her with a rapt and curious gaze instead .
Lowering the mug, she frowned. "What?"
His grin was back.
"So...what's the verdict on the hot chocolate?"
Letting out a long breath, Bella couldn't help but return his smile before taking another sip. Lowering the mug, she found Quil's gaze, feeling lighter than she had in a really long time.
"It might just be the best hot chocolate I've ever had..."
I want some of Quil's hot chocolate...
Thoughts?