Disclaimer:All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

AN: Soooo... pick your weapon of choice. Ice cream. Tequila. Candy bars. JUST in case. :\

Suggested Listening: "All I Want" by Kodaline

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For the first time in months, it was Quil's turn to feel stuck.

And it didn't make sense because at the same time, it also felt like for the first time in seventeen months, everything was falling squarely into place.

It was September thirteenth. Bella's birthday...and even though he had plans to surprise her with something that weekend, he had another stop to make first.

He had someone else he needed to visit.

So there he was, pacing back and forth at the end of a modestly marked grave, resting on sacred lands he knew he'd catch hell for being on if he was caught. He didn't care though - his grandpa could go straight to hell if he tried to breathe a word to him about honor and tradition.

After all, it was honor and tradition to begin with that put his best friend in the ground.

Pushing one hand distractedly through his hair, Quil could feel the miserable mist of rain collecting on the strands. He let out a breath, feeling like he might officially be going off his rocker but remembering this wasn't the first time he'd set foot in this place. It wasn't the first time for any of them, and definitely not the first time he seemingly talked to himself...even though he liked to believe that wherever Embry was those days, he could hear him.

"Alright, buddy," he muttered, tipping his head back and closing his eyes. Giving his head a shake and releasing a sigh as he looked back down, his gaze fell on the land beneath him. "I think we have a problem."

Quil knew what the problem was...even if to anyone on the outside, it wouldn't look like a problem. Still, he'd known it since that night Bella went on a date with another guy - a stranger Quil didn't even know but someone he still wanted to eradicate from the face of the earth, brought on by the simple thought of him even touching Bella.

It woke him up. It woke them both up, and he'd known it in all the days after. Things between them were exactly like they were before, aside from another subtle shift, one that gave birth to new things. One that made all the difference, reinforcing the fact there was some kind of togetherness to it. Looks were longer, and smiles were warmer. The way Bella lingered until he would steal a kiss, and how she always allowed it. Every time she'd walk into the living room after Maddie was in bed and how she would smile when he caught her hand, allowing him to pull her to the couch with him. How instead of sitting on the opposite end, she'd tuck her legs underneath her and burrow into his side, fingers lacing loosely through his. Resting her head on his shoulder, she refused to move until most nights, he had to nudge her awake before he left.

It was different...but they didn't put labels on it. They didn't label it because labeling it would make it real. Labels would be final.

Labels would mean taking that last step and leaving behind everything they both lost.

For good.

And Quil was having the hardest time with that - with letting go. With realizing what that would mean.

Which is why he was there, because the largest part of him wanted to try. The largest part of him knew it was time...to let go. To face what that meant, and to conquer the one thing holding his tongue and holding him back.

Because Quil knew...finally.

It was no longer just about the promise he made. It hadn't been, in a really long time.

It was about being there. It was about how Quil could no longer picture his life - he could no longer define who he was or what he was doing on this earth - without including Maddie.

Without including Bella, even if the air surrounding that definition was a little more blurry. A little more complicated.

It was about how they both made him feel...entirely different things, although both were just as visceral. Just as impenetrable.

Still, it didn't matter because Quil knew…

He didn't know when or how it happened, but the point was it happened. He didn't have his life anymore, and Bella didn't have hers. They'd tried to rebuild them separately but at some point along the way, they ended up fusing into one.

They needed each other, not because they couldn't live without the other…

Because Quil had a feeling they weren't meant to.

"I'm blaming you for this," Quil muttered, shoving his hands in his pockets, his eyes still focused on the dirt below him. "Because, you know, I coulda done what any normal person did when they lose someone. I coulda drank myself stupid or I could have went through some kind of existential midlife crisis where I stopped wearing shoes, grew a beard, and read a lot of poetry…"

Chuckling, Quil pulled his lower lip between his teeth, worrying it for several long moments before he released it and let the smile fall. "But no...because you had to go and know what I needed before I even needed it. And the worst part is, you know how much I hated it when you got all insightful and attentive. Yet you still did it...up until the very fucking end, you did it."

Quil pulled in a heavy, shaky breath, pushing it out as the cool, damp wind swept it away without a sound.

"But things weren't supposed to be this way…" he breathed, eyes focusing on the treeline in the distance. Drifting toward the very tips of the pines and back again, his words getting lost in the silent space he was in.

Even though he kept talking.

"You weren't supposed to leave. You were supposed to be the one who did all these things I ended up doing...who took Maddie to her tumbling classes and tucked her in. You were supposed to be the one who told Bella to lighten up when she goes off on a tangent about the importance of a morning routine."

Quil rolled his eyes when he said it, his lips cracking into a grin as he shook his head.

He shrugged, the movement halfhearted and conflicted. "But then again...what the hell do I know about parenting?"

The smile faded, quickly replaced by a wince as Quil felt a hot stinging in the corners of his eyes.

"Dammit," he growled under his breath, reaching up and swiping at his eyes with the back of his hand. "And I hate you for it some days, you know. For picking me, of all people. For thinking I was the best person for the job, because I was never like you. I never knew exactly what to do when things got tough. I never knew exactly what to say to make things better."

Quil could feel a foreign tightening in his chest, bringing forward an all too familiar ache. One he hadn't felt in a long while because it had lessened with time. Still, despite the way it twisted his insides, he could feel it loosening. The bonds of it severing when held up against what he knew he still had to say.

"But I guess I figured it out...somehow," he whispered. "And now you're paying for it, man...because I love that little girl. So fucking much. She got me through this...and she makes me better."

Quil swallowed, the action barely making it past the huge mass in his throat.

Bracing himself because even though he was the only person standing anywhere close to where he was, it still mattered - the words he was going to say. What they meant.

"And then there's Bella," Quil murmured, his gaze lifting once more. As a small smile pulled at the corner of his mouth. "And there's something there...something big, dude, and I almost fucked it up. But it's been there for a really long time, it was just too early...because there was still so much of you in both of us and we just weren't ready to see it."

Quil took another deep breath, pushing out another chuckle with his exhale, the sound of it conflicted but still light. Still sure.

"And I wish you were here, Em, just so you could fucking haul off and punch me in the face because I feel like I deserve it. I feel like you should get at least one swing, and I think that's why I'm here...because even though I know you can't take a shot at me, I still needed to tell you. I still needed you to know that if you were, man, you could punch me all you wanted but…" Quil paused, reaching up and rubbing his eye one last time.

"Even so, I don't think it would get me to go away. Not now," he breathed, smiling into the thick air and ignoring how the mist was turning into heavy raindrops. "And I don't want a sign. I don't want you to send me some signal like a flash of lightning or a fucking butterfly or something because shit like that only happens in Bella's cheesy romance movies...but I still wanted to tell you, so I don't feel like a shitty best friend because trust me, man, I do. But...I'm gonna tell her...how I feel. I'm gonna do it, because this is how things are, even if it's not how they're supposed to be. I'm gonna try...to be good, even though she told me I don't need to be. Not good like you, but good in a way that your little girl needs now, and good in a way that Bella needs...after everything that's happened."

Crossing his arms in front of his chest, Quil blinked the drops of rain from his lashes, taking a single step back. Feeling the mass inside him dissolve with every breath. Disappearing little by little.

"And I just want you to know, Em, that I'll never let them forget you, because there's no way I could...ever. No matter what," he continued, his voice thick with promise and sincerity. "And I'll never stop being there, even if she throws me out on my ass...because I promised and there's nowhere else I want to be."

Quil took another step back, releasing his grip on himself the same time the skies opened and released the rain on earth below.

"Love you, man," Quil whispered, ignoring the moisture on his cheeks and how he was sure it had nothing to do with the rain. Focusing instead on the smile crossing his lips and how it wasn't quite so hard to turn around. Not like it had been before, and how he felt lighter than he had in a long time, even if he couldn't explain why.

Even if he really did know why.

He'd done what he needed to do. He freed himself from the last restraint that held him back. He'd made peace with a guilt that kept him from moving forward.

Now there was only one thing left to do.

To reach for Bella, and see if she wanted to take his hand.

To see if she wanted to take that last step with him.

*lip wobbles*

Thoughts?