Holiday Heart
by Kadi
Rated: M
Disclaimer: Not my sandbox, just my favorite place to play.
A/N: The warning is for this chapter. Please heed. Thanks! :)
Chapter 3
He was leaning against his fridge, watching as dinner came together. He helped where he could, where he was allowed. It didn't seem to matter that it was his kitchen, Sharon had taken over from the moment that she arrived. She came early, ostensibly to help prepare the dinner that he was hosting for her and her kids, and her ex-husband. Helping had turned into doing, and Andy found himself relegated to tour guide as he pointed out where everything was kept and pulled down items from high shelves.
It was amusing to watch. Within only a short time of arriving, she seemed to have his organization figured out. He could tell when she disagreed with the location of some item or ingredient. She would cluck her tongue at him, but smile in that way of hers.
As the clocked ticked away, and the time for the others to arrive got nearer, he noticed that she became quieter. She smiled less and seemed to become just a bit frazzled. It was more than pulling together a holiday dinner for several people. Sharon could do that with her eyes closed. It was what she knew that this holiday would entail.
They knew that it would be awkward. That went without saying. She was expecting disappointment, perhaps even a little bit of hurt. They couldn't know exactly what her kids were expecting, but they seemed to be hoping for a fairytale. Not the sort where mom and dad got back together again, no, they knew that door was firmly closed and locked. They were hoping for a father, and it didn't seem to matter how old they got or how much experience they had in being disappointed by Jack, there was going to be a part of them that would always long for that relationship.
Andy wanted to hope that they could get it. He just didn't know how realistic that was. It was possible that his own dealings with the man were coloring his judgement, but he didn't think that was likely. Sharon didn't either, or else she wouldn't be so concerned about the day's outcome.
She spent the morning and much of the early afternoon with her kids. All three of them. They opened gifts, and she made breakfast. They had watched a movie, while still in their pajamas, curled together on the sofa, Emily on one side of her and Ricky on the other. As the hour had grown later, she left them to find her way to Andy's house. The three of them would arrive later, along with Jack.
It was Jack that was occupying her thoughts at present, even as she stood in another man's kitchen. She stared into the bowl in front of her and studied the glaze that she was preparing for the steamed asparagus. Dinner was all but prepared. The ham was in the oven, the rolls were baked. Most of the side dishes were done, and left warming. There was little else to do besides a few finishing touches. Sharon glanced at the clock again and sighed. Her gaze dropped to the bowl again and she wondered if it was too late to give Jack a different address, send him elsewhere.
Arms circled her from behind. A hand slid beneath the edge of her sweater, and a chin settled against her shoulder. Sharon smiled as she leaned back against him. He wasn't a patient man, but in this he was as experienced as she was, only from the other side. She sighed softly as his fingers stroked a lazy pattern against her stomach, just above the waist of her jeans. She brought the purple dress with her, the pale lavender that he loved so much. She planned to change just before the others arrived.
His lips moved against her neck. His nose nuzzled her hair aside. "What's the matter?" He already knew the answer, but there was nothing to be gained from allowing her to dwell.
Sharon shook her head. "I feel like I forgot something." She cast a sideways glance at him. "The glaze, it doesn't taste quite right." It was hardly at all what she was worried about and they both knew it. She just didn't want to talk about Jack, not right now, and not with him. Not because he wouldn't understand, but she wanted the warmth and the comfort of his arms around her, she didn't want to think of unpleasant things.
"Really." He looked over her shoulder and into the bowl. Andy decided that he could play along. They would be dealing with the ex-husband soon enough. If she wanted to delay it, he could do that. His lips pursed. "Looks right to me."
"It looks fine." Sharon dipped her finger into the glaze and lifted it. "I'm just not sure."
His brow arched as she lifted her hand and held the finger in front of him. He reached around her with his other hand and circled her wrist. Andy drew her hand higher. His lips parted and his tongue swept out to dance around the single digit. As he pulled it into his mouth, his other hand splayed across her stomach, holding her in place. He decided that the glaze tasted more than just fine to him. As he let her hand fall away, he reached out and took the bowl out of her hand. He set it on the counter and kept her back plastered against his front while he sought her mouth with his. "Seems okay to me," he rumbled, a moment before his mouth closed over hers.
She moaned into his mouth. Her hand lifted again, this time to grip the back of his neck. The angle was odd, but as his tongue swept along hers, only to tease the roof of her mouth, she felt her legs go a little weak. Heat and desire moved through her, only to dance low in her belly as his hand slid higher beneath her sweater. his other settled against her waist, and moved slowly toward her front. He was holding her against him, and when she tried to turn in his arms, his hold on her only tightened. Sharon grunted impatiently against his mouth. Her other hand gripped his arm. When his fingers brushed the underside of her lace and satin clad breasts, she made another low, keening sound.
The cup of her bra was pushed upward, out of his way. Her breast spilled into his hand, while he nipped and sucked at her lips. His thumb circled her nipple until it was hard and straining toward him. She moved against him, pressed her bottom against him, and he groaned quietly. His mouth travelled along the curve of her jaw. His tongue bathed a path down her neck, to the juncture of her shoulder. As his teeth scraped against the soft skin there, he opened the fastening of her jeans. The zipper purred downward, and he held her fast against him, while his hand followed it.
Her thighs parted for him as his fingers slid inside her jeans. Her head fell back against his shoulder and Sharon took a ragged breath. She exhaled with a low, throaty moan as the first touch of his hand against her sex seared right through her. She was already weak kneed, but her legs shook as he touched her. "Andy."
He turned her then. He tugged at her sweater, pulled it over her head. Her bra joined it on the floor. His eyes were dark as he looked down at her. He backed her into the counter, pinned her there. His arms circled her, sliding around her middle and then moving upward. He gripped her shoulders and lowered his head. Her back bowed and he made a low, rumbling sound as his mouth steadily lower. His tongue danced across the hollow of her throat. His teeth nipped at her collar bone. She leaned further back and braced herself, elbows resting against the counter. When her leg curled around his thigh, he moved against her, their jeans were in his way, but doing little to hide the heat of her arousal or the swell of his.
Her hands found purchase against the edge of the counter. Sharon's head fell back as his mouth closed around a nipple. Her hips jerked, and she hummed plaintively at the lack of contact, even as his tongue teased her until she throbbed. His hands slid downward, across her back. One moved to cup her bottom, the other cupped her breast, while he moved between them, offering equal attention while the ache at her center grew.
The counter was much too high for the purpose that he had in mind. Andy lifted her and turned. He sat her on her feet in front of the baker's cart nearby. His hands caught the waist of her jeans and he tugged, pushing them down her thighs. Hers pulled at his shirt, and together they rid themselves of the last remaining barriers in their way. Andy lifted her again, and this time he sat her on the cart. Several items toppled off of it, unnoticed and without care. His hand moved into her hair, he gripped the back of her head as he captured her mouth again. He moved between her legs, even as they wrapped around his thighs. His other hand slid along her thigh, to her hip.
Her fingers traced the length of his arousal. The tremor that ran through him as her hand curled around him made her smile against his mouth. His head lifted and they stared at one another as she guided him to her entrance. Their breaths came in ragged puffs. As he slid into her, her hands fell to grip the edge of the cart and she forced her eyes to remain open. Her teeth sank into her bottom lip. Sharon watched his eyes darken, felt the tremor in his hands as they gripped her hips. She tilted her pelvis upward, rolled it against him, and he slipped deeper. They both groaned at the feel of her body stretching around him.
His head lowered, his tongue and teeth teased at her lips. When he sank fully into her, he stood there, for just a moment, legs shaking while her heat encased him. When she moved against him again, inner walls gripping him tightly, Andy turned his face into her neck. He gripped her thighs, drew them higher around his waist and began to thrust. Slowly at first, and then with ever increasing tempo.
All thought and words and sound was lost in the heat. In the feel of him against her. Her head fell back. Her hands gripped the edge of the cart more tightly. She braced herself there and moved against him in a counter thrust that created a delicious friction. When his hand moved between them and his fingers danced across her swollen sex, just above where they were joined, she lost herself in the rush of climax. The heat of his release swept through her, and her arms moved around his shoulders as he jerked against her.
They were left trembling, spent, chests aching as they drew ragged breaths. Their lips were gentle as heated kisses turned to soft caresses. He gathered her close, arms sliding around her body, hands gentle against her back. He continued to thrust against her, until the friction was just too much for both of them. He felt her sigh as he slipped out of her. His hands moved into her hair and he tipped her head back. Lingering, unhurried kisses followed in the wake of their desire.
It would have been nice to stay there, to linger a while longer. The clock was still moving, and with the buzzing of the oven timer, they were reminded that there were still a few things left to do, and the hour was growing later.
It was with some reluctance that he moved away from her. But only long enough to check the oven, reset the timer, and lower the heat. A glance at the clock showed there was still time enough for a shower and to dress before the others arrived.
The gathering of clothing off of the kitchen floor was met with laughter. There would be no article left behind. As they moved up the stairs, he reminded her that the shower was big enough for two.
Sharon decided it might not be such a bad thing if dinner was a little late.
MCMCMCMCMCMC
They kept the downstairs lit in muted tones. In the corner of the living room, a large Christmas tree glowed in white, twinkling lights, decorated tastefully in pale blue and silver. Andy put the tree up a few days before, after Sharon agreed to let him host the holiday meal. Lamps burned in the corners of the room, further illuminating it in a soft glow. As he moved around the room, while she put the finishing touches out in the dining room, he stopped at the bar which separated the living room and kitchen. Candles waited to be lit, the small red and white lights would only further add to the festive mood.
Andy stopped as he reached it. Situated in the center of the bar was a square package, wrapped in red and gold. A single red bow sat atop it. He studied the box, and the name written on the tag in a familiar slanting script. "Sharon." He shot a look over his shoulder as she strode into the room, "What is this?"
"What does it look like?" A smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. Her heels clicked against the hard wood floors as she joined him. "I thought you should open it before the others get here." She stopped behind him. Her hands settled against his waist as she leaned in to his back. His suit jacket was draped across the back of the sofa. He stood in the pale lavender shirt, and matching tie, the complement to the pale purple knit dress that she wore. In her heels, she was just tall enough to rest her chin atop his shoulder.
"You didn't have to get me anything," he said quietly. She was enough, having her close, and knowing that he had only to reach out and touch her now, that was gift enough.
"Yes, I know." She turned her face into his neck. Her lips moved against the short cropped, silver hairs that just almost brushed his collar. "I wanted to," she said quietly, in a voice that was thick with emotion.
His hand covered hers for a moment, where it snaked around to rest against his stomach. Andy gave the fingers a squeeze before he reached for the box. He drew it toward him and lifted it. The package had some weight to it. Not a simple token, he realized. He glanced at her again, and found her watching him with a smile at her lips. Andy pulled at the bow and turned the package over in his hands to slip his finger along the seam of the paper. It gave way easily to reveal a simple, white gift box.
He opened it and found nestled within, carefully wrapped and tucked against the tissue paper, a desk plaque of frosted and etched glass and gleaming silver. His brows drew together as he lifted it. It was smooth in his hands, curved at the top, and thick at its base. Through the frosted glass, the silver hands and numbers of a ticking clock looked back at him. It was the inscription that was engraved in the back face, beneath the clock, and seeming to float in the glass toward him that drew his attention, gave it meaning.
Peace is ever changing, friendship is timeless, and with you I found my heart.
In his large hands it seemed small. The meaning was huge. Sharon's lips moved against his neck. "I thought it would look good on your desk." The fingers of one hand toyed with his suspenders, the other stroked upward, toward his heart. This was no simple fling for her. For either of them. She had fallen for her friend, when and how, she did not know and it didn't seem to matter now. They would be discreet, it was simply who they were, but this was not a relationship that she was going to keep in the shadows of her life. He was too important for that.
"Yeah?" He took a half step to the side and turned. His arm moved around her. Andy pulled her into his side. He met her gaze and his lips turned up into a grin at the emotion shining in her eyes. His hand moved up her back and he pulled her closer. When her arms moved around his middle, he dipped his head and placed a soft kiss against her lips. "I think you're right," He rumbled quietly. "It'll look great there." His forehead rested against hers. There was a lot more that he wanted to say, but he was never all that great at putting it into words. "Sharon."
"I know." It was almost dizzying. She closed her eyes as her face moved against his. She nuzzled at his cheek. Her lips were soft against his ear, and her breath warm, as she whispered the sentiment that was hanging in the air between them. The emotion that made her heart flutter with excitement and joy. "I love you."
Andy set the clock on the bar. His hands gripped her a little tighter. His arms pulled her closer. It settled around them like a blanket, this feeling. It was as comfortable and soft as it was exciting and new. They had been moving toward this without even knowing it. It came at them, gentle and sure, and slowly worked it's way around both of their hearts, until they were as bound together in feeling as they were with their arms wrapped around each other. His head lowered. Their lips met, the caress soft, and hardly a kiss at all as he murmured the secret of his heart.
Time was relative in that moment. They would have liked more of it, but the clock was ticking away. Sharon allowed herself only a moment longer to stand in the circle of his arms. Her lips touched his, just one more time before she stepped away. Her hand slid along his arm. She laughed at the sound of the doorbell. They had timed the moment just right.
"I'll finish this," Sharon told him. She gathered the discarded wrapping paper in one hand and lifted the book of matches in her other.
"Here we go." Andy exhaled quietly as he nodded. He paused just long enough to kiss the back of her head as he moved around her. He picked up his jacket as he walked past the sofa and shrugged into it. At the door, Andy glanced back. Sharon was lighting the candles on the bar, and he watched her step around it and into the kitchen. He nodded once and reached out to open the door.
Over the course of the next half hour, all of their guests arrived. Rusty and Ricky had come together, while Emily fetched her father. The girl seemed pensive when she arrived, but was all smiles as she greeted her mother and her friend.
It was as they expected. When Jack arrived, his eyes narrowed at the sight of Flynn, even if he suspected that was the friend that they were dining with. He turned his attention on Emily and Ricky, boisterously talking about holidays past, moments that would quite thoroughly exclude the new men in Sharon's life, her adopted son and her lover.
She shook her head and rolled her eyes when her gaze caught Andy's. They had known that he would do this. She would allow it, for now. It was Ricky, bless him, that kept involving Rusty in the conversation. Her son was proving now, more than ever, that he was the boy that she had raised. Sharon looked up as a hand touched hers. When Andy placed a glass of wine in it, she smiled brightly at him. He knew her only too well. She hadn't planned on serving wine at dinner, not in his house, but he had taken care of it for her. "Thank you, honey."
The softly murmured endearment had not gone unnoticed. Jack's eyes narrowed again. He studied the two of them, the lingering looks and the soft touches. Flynn held another glass in his hand. "I thought you gave that up," he said, just a little brusquely. "Although, as I recall it," he laughed, the sound not altogether pleasant, "wine was never your drink of choice."
"No." Andy shrugged. "It wasn't." He wasn't hiding his past. Sharon knew about it, and so did Rusty. He could only assume that her older kids did too. If not, he would have no problem telling them about it. It was a part of who he was. His recovery wasn't just something that he did. It would always be with him, like a part of his personality. He couldn't shed it, couldn't ignore it, and frankly, he was proud of it. "It still isn't." Andy held the glass out to Emily. "Your ma says you prefer a dark red, but the lady likes white, so…" He grinned at her, and chose to ignore Jack.
"The lady gets what she wants." Emily smiled as she took it. "Thank you, this is more than fine."
"Ricky?" Andy glanced at the young man. He and Rusty were drinking iced tea, but he couldn't recall the other man's preference.
He lifted a glass. Rusty brought him tea. "I'm good with this. I'm not much of a wine drinker either. It's all girly." He nudged his mother and flashed a teasing smile.
"I am a girl, thank you." Her shoulder bumped his and then she smiled at her son.
"Nah." Ricky's dark eyes sparkled. "You're just a mom. It doesn't count."
"Careful there, son." Jack smirked. "That one is little, but she's mean. I seem to recall that she always gets even."
"Yes she does." Emily spoke up. She took a sip of her wine and then cast a pointed look at her father. "It's probably best not provoke her." She had instructed him to be on his best behavior. They would spend this holiday with him. He was their father, after all, but that didn't mean he had the right to bring negativity and abuse into it. "Andy, do you need any help in the kitchen?"
"No." He smiled at her. "Your mother took care of it. I'm just going to pull the ham out of the oven. She was very specific that was my job for the day."
Sharon laughed as he moved into the kitchen again. "Troublemaker."
"Yes. Very good at it too. Ask my boss." He tossed a crooked grin back at her.
"Oh, I'm sure that she's aware." She shook her head at him. Sharon reached up and idly fingered the pendant at her neck. She was wearing his gift.
"Seems to me like the troublemaking is catching." Jack smirked at her. "Dating a subordinate? Never known you to be so fond of breaking the rules before."
Her brow arched. Sharon smiled serenely at him. "I'm not. Nor am I. There is no rule preventing me from spending time with Andy. The only thing that I am required to do is report it to a superior, and not that it is any concern of yours, but to put your mind at ease, you should know that it has been handled."
She sent the memo to Taylor, wanting it out of the way before they returned from their holiday break. His reply was simple. Sharon had actually laughed upon reading it. She made a mental note to show it to Andy later. No kidding. That was the response that she received from her boss in regard to the changing nature of her relationship with a subordinate. He followed it up by telling her that they would make the necessary changes once the team returned after the New Year, then he bid her enjoy the remainder of her holiday.
No kidding. It seemed they were far more obvious than Sharon ever imagined. It was not only their children and Lieutenant Provenza who had reason to question their closeness. Others had seen it as well. Obviously. It was at the seat of Jack's animosity toward them the last several months, and his reason for questioning Rusty as to her dating habits during the previous summer. A part of her wished that she could have answered in the affirmative at that time, but she rather enjoyed how the relationship had unfolded. It developed as was necessary, and whatever uncertainty and awkwardness they felt the last few weeks was behind them now, and they had only to move forward. Together.
"What did he say?" Rusty interrupted before Jack could continue along that vein himself. He drew Sharon's attention to him and tilted his head, a grin spreading across his face. "I mean, if you can tell us." He was a little bit curious and he wouldn't admit it, but they kind of had money riding on it. Rusty would never tell Sharon that he, Buzz, and Julio had a pool going on what Taylor would do when he found out about her and Flynn.
Sharon shifted where she stood. She sighed quietly and rolled her eyes. She couldn't stop the smile that tugged at her lips. "Well…" As Andy came through the room and moved toward the dining room with the ham, she followed. It was the last item that needed to be placed on the table. She lay a hand against Rusty's shoulder as they walked, and knew the others were following. "It would seem that you were not the only one in the know, so to speak."
"You think so?" Andy placed the ham at the center of the table. He straightened and looked at her, a brow arched in question. "He could be covering. Taylor likes to act like he knows what's going on around him."
"Not this time." She chuckled quietly. "He has, apparently, been waiting for me to tell him. Oh so patiently. I'll show you the email later, it was rather amusing."
"I'm going to hold you to that." He winked at her as he rounded the table again. Andy pulled out a chair near the head of the table and held it for her. Her hand brushed his arm as she slipped past him to slide gracefully into it. His hand brushed her neck as he moved away, his thumb gently, briefly, tracing the length of the platinum chain.
Sensing the mood in the room, Ricky tugged at the chair on the opposite end of the table. "Emily." He held it for his sister, and noted Rusty sliding into the chair beside their mother. He smiled at that. She would have Andy to one side of her, Rusty to the other. "Hey dad, why don't you sit between Em and me." That was the point of having him there, wasn't it?
"Yeah, sure." He was still watching his ex-wife. She was all soft looks and pretty smiles now. It was always like that in the beginning. Jack snorted quietly. Soon enough she would go cold again. That or she was putting on a damned good show, not that it was exactly like Sharon. Jack slid into the chair beside his daughter and arched a brow as his son sat beside him. It put him across from Rusty. He eyed the boy, who was already talking to Emily about the interpretive dance class she was trying to get him to take as an elective. "Looks like you ended up putting a third through college after all," Jack said, his gaze sliding to his ex-wife.
"Dad!" Emily's eyes widened. She stared at him, mouth slightly agape. It was a well placed blow, and she saw her mother's hand freeze, glass lifted halfway to her lips.
Where he sat across from her, Ricky watched his mother pale. She lowered the glass to the table. Her gaze flickered to his father, then he watched her face carefully settle into an impassive look. She smiled at him, but the sparkle was gone from her eyes. He shifted in his chair and shot a look at the man beside him. "You know, I've been trying to get Rusty to apply at Stanford. He won't listen."
Rusty slanted a look at her. He didn't understand why Ricky and Emily were suddenly so uncomfortable, or why Sharon and Jack were staring at each other. He looked beyond her to the other end of the table and met Flynn's gaze. The other man shrugged, as much at a loss as he was, but Rusty saw him reach out and brush her hand with his. "I got into Berkley," he replied. "I hear Stanford is just a party school."
"Oh sure," Ricky rolled his eyes. "Mommy's pet. You would apply to Berkley. You might as well go to Northwestern."
"What is wrong with Northwestern?" Emily sat straight in her chair. Her eyes narrowed at her brother. "Choose your next words carefully, little brother." Now he was maligning her school.
"I applied everywhere," Rusty pointed out. "I just don't think Stanford is for me. I mean, the guys who go there all have bad hair. It's kind of disturbing."
His thumb swept the top of her hand. Sharon drew her gaze away from Jack and looked at him. There was a question in his dark eyes, but more than that, there was concern. A soft smile touched her lips. Her eyes closed, just for a moment, and she gave a slight shake of her head. She would tell him later. If she told him at all. She didn't want to give credence to Jack's picking at her.
"Rusty is free to go to school wherever he chooses," Sharon stated. "We will make it work." She looked at her son beside her. Her smile shifted, no less gentle, but warmer. The sparkle was back in her eyes. She touched his arm, briefly.
"Well aren't you the lucky one." Jack smirked at the boy. "Not exactly what you thought you were signing up for, huh Rusty? Oh well, guess you know Sharon as well as the rest of us by now. She sets her mind to something and the rest of us just have to go along. Isn't that right, Andy? Or have you figured that out about her yet? Sharon always gets her way."
They exchanged another look. Sharon shrugged at him. Andy reached for the knife and serving fork and began working on the ham. "You know something, her way is usually the same way I'm headed, so it all works out in the end."
"Until it's not." Jack muttered. "Sharon though, everything always seems to work out for her."
"Dad." Emily sighed. This was a mistake, she was seeing that now. Actually, she knew that it would be a mistake when she invited him. She simply hadn't known what else to do at the time. It seemed the polite and proper thing to do, inviting her father to dinner. She just hadn't realized that he would be quite so difficult.
"Oh, don't worry Emmy. I'm still on my best behavior." He cut a look at his daughter and grinned. "That is what you told me on the way over, isn't it? I'm supposed to behave myself. Amusing, considering you're the child and I'm the parent. No less that I'd expect from one of Sharon's though. You always were more hers than mine. All of you were. The three of you. Oh, I meant two. Good thing she found Rusty to round it out again, isn't it. Don't worry Mr. Beck, I'm sure you're not a substitute."
He was determined to come at her through her children, since coming at her any other way wasn't going to work. Jack knew how to hurt her, he always had. Sharon drew a thin breath. She glanced across the table at Ricky, whose hands had fisted against the top of the table. She shook her head at him, even as she placed a hand on the arm of the man beside her. Her fingers slipped around his wrist, stroked the soft skin beneath the golden chain he always wore. Beside her, she felt Rusty grow stiff. She cast a look at him, smiled gently.
"Jack." Her eyes grew hard when she looked at him. "If you would like to discuss Beth, we can do so at any time, but I refuse to do it in front of my children. More than that, I will not get into that discussion while we are guests in another person's home."
Her voice had gone soft, but it was a bit like ice grating against steel. Emily shivered. She stared at her hands in her lap. "Dad, you promised." She spoke quietly, and with not a little resignation. She chewed on her bottom lip, a habit that she shared with her mother. When she finally looked up again, she sighed. There was pain behind her mother's impassive gaze. Emily looked at her father. "I shouldn't be surprised. My entire life is a history of empty promises that you've made." She took her napkin out of her lap and slapped it against her empty plate. Dinner hadn't even started before he managed to ruin it. "You're right, it is a little amusing that I should have to ask you to behave, but then, you're not much of a parent are you?" Emily stood up and left the table, no longer able to look at him.
"Now you listen here." Incensed that she would walk away from him, much as her mother always had in the past, Jack stood up and followed her. "I will not have any one of my children talking to me in that manner." Jack pointed his finger at her.
"Don't play the daddy card now, Jack." Emily whirled, eyes flashing. She had her mother's temper. It was hard to provoke, but once it had, she fought hard, and with meaning. "You haven't earned the right. You've got a lot of nerve bringing all that up, here of all places, and on Christmas? What is wrong with you. Do you even think? No, don't answer that. I know the answer to that already too. The only person that you ever think about is yourself."
"Emily." Sharon sighed as she stood. She followed the pair of them. "Honey, no." She shook her head at her daughter. "I didn't raise you to speak to your father like that. Let's go back and sit down."
"If I had a father that might actually mean something," Emily stated, staring at the man in front of her.
"Emily." Sharon's eyes widened. "You will not—"
"Sharon." Andy stood behind her. His hands settled at her hips and he drew her back against his chest. His lips brushed her hair, but he simply held her against him. His grip on her was loose. When she looked up at him, he slowly shook his head. "She needs to do this," he said quietly. "He needs to hear it." This was a place that he had been in. Emily and Ricky were hurt and disappointed, there were things they needed to say to their father, and she may not agree, but it had to be done. They may or may not end up having a real relationship with him, but if it was going to happen, if there was going to be any kind of healing, he would have to see just how badly he had hurt them.
Left alone at the table, Ricky shook his head. He looked over at Rusty and sighed. "Welcome to the family. Guess it's not a holiday if someone isn't crying, depressed, or fighting."
"Yeah." Rusty leaned forward in his chair. He turned his tea glass. He glanced toward the living room, where the others had gone. Ricky didn't seem in any great hurry to follow. "Um… who is Beth?"
Ricky looked at the table. "Our sister." He shrugged. "She would have been younger than me, but older than you. I think I was five. It's not like it's one of those big, dark, family secrets. It's just a thing. She came too soon and only lived for a few hours. Dad wasn't there. He was off in a bar somewhere. That's when mom made him go to rehab. The rest, I think you probably know. We just don't talk about it because, well, obviously… not a happy topic."
"So…" Rusty's brows drew together in a frown. "When Jack accused her of finding a substitute?"
"He was being a jerk." Ricky reached across the table for his mom's wine glass and took a drink. "Dad is determined that everyone else is to blame for the fact that he's out and someone else is in. Mom moved on. Even if she wasn't in another relationship, she proved that she was completely over him by finally getting the divorce. Dad convinced himself that if it weren't for you, she never would have done it. He tried to convince us of that too." Ricky smiled sheepishly at him. "Now though, it's pretty obvious, it would have happened anyway."
Rusty glanced toward the living room. "She was pretty done with him the last time he stayed with her. I think the whole, adoption thing, just kind of… I don't know. Gave her an opportunity to make her point. She wasn't making the choice, he was."
"Pretty much," Ricky agreed. "Dad has always had a choice. It's never been us. We try, mainly because it's what we're supposed to do. Mom expects us to keep letting him in. He's our dad, and it wasn't always bad, but we're both getting kind of tired of the crap." He hooked a thumb toward the other room. The raised voices were still filtering in. "Dad always called Emily the mini-Sharon. What he doesn't understand is that she's a lot like him too. Like mom, she reached her limit with him and she was done, but that, what we're hearing, that's all dad."
"What about you?" Rusty inclined his head at his brother. "Which part are you? Why aren't you in there. I mean, he's your dad too. You just said so, and you're tired of the crap."
"It's Christmas." Ricky drained the last of his mother's wine and stood up. He was headed to the kitchen to refill the glass. "It's mom's favorite holiday. Dad wants to ruin it for her, I'm not going to help him. He made Emily feel guilty and sorry for him, and I probably would have invited him too if it was me. We both kind of figured this would happen. It doesn't even matter that we're here. He would have done it at the condo too, found a way to pick at mom until someone started arguing with him. At least here she has someone at her back. I mean, we'd have had her back too, but that's not what she wants. You know?"
"Yeah." Rusty rubbed his hands against his pants and nodded. He stood up and followed Ricky into the kitchen. It seemed a safe place for both of them. "I know." He looked toward the living room again before his gaze settled on his brother as he poured wine into two glasses. "You're kind of smarter than your haircut suggests."
"All part of my image and charm, little brother. It's called luring them into a false sense of security." Ricky sighed as he lifted the second wine glass for himself. "God, I really wish he had gotten a red."
"Thought you weren't much of a wine drinker," Rusty pointed out with a smile. He leaned against the counter and shoved his hands into his pockets.
"I'm not." Ricky grinned. "But red is all dark and bitter. Kind of like this family sometimes."
"It's not bitter." Rusty scuffed his shoe against the tiled floor. "Just a little dry sometimes."
"Yeah," Ricky sighed. He gazed through the opening over the bar, watched his sister pointing at his father. "Sometimes."
"Okay that is enough." Sharon stepped forward when Emily seemed to deflate, having said all that she needed to. She drew her daughter to her. Her gaze swept over her ex-husband. "Come on, honey. Let's step outside and get some air." She wrapped an arm around her daughter's shoulders and drew her toward back of the house, where she had spied a set of sliding glass doors that led out into the backyard.
Andy shoved his hands into his pockets as they left. His eyes followed Sharon until she slid the door closed behind her. Then he looked at Jack. "You can stay, but I think you ought to go," he said quietly. "It's not about you, it's never going to be about you. It's always going to be them. Sharon is always going to choose her kids first, Jack. It's who she is, it's what she does. It's the reason she went along with this. She thought they needed to have you around today, so she sucked it up and she agreed to let it happen. She knew that it was going to be a disaster, and she knew that it was going to hurt. She knew that you were going to try to hurt her. The sad thing is, you had a chance to prove her wrong, and you didn't do it.
"You think you know her so well." Jack looked at him. His eyes were burning, alight with emotion. He shook his head. His daughter shamed him, but that only fueled his dark mood. His eyes narrowed at the man in front of him. "It's good in the beginning. She's all smiles and sweet words now. Wait a little while. Then she'll start pointing out all the ways that you can't live up to her lofty expectations. That's the real Sharon. With her rules and her opinions. Don't worry, Andy. You'll be standing back out on the curb with the rest of us lowly humans soon enough."
"Maybe." He shrugged. Andy had no illusions that he wasn't good enough for her. He would spend the rest of his life trying to be, trying to love her in a way that she deserved. "The thing is, maybe I don't know her like you do. I may never know her like that. There's a lot of history there. Just like she'll never know me the way my ex-wife does. It doesn't matter. We aren't living in the past. We aren't the people we used to be. I've known Sharon a long time, Jack. Professionally, yeah, but… you know something, when I bothered to actually look at her, I saw her. The only thing that Sharon expects me to do, I'm doing. I'm here. Not because she needs me, she doesn't need anyone. She's good on her own. I'm not standing behind her waiting for her to notice me. I'm standing beside her. That's all she has ever wanted."
"Wow." Ricky's eyes widened as they watched that scene. "He's good," he muttered.
"Yep." Rusty smirked. "I told you. The maternal unit is totally dating."
"Dating hell." Ricky snorted. "The maternal unit has moved straight past dating and into going steady."
The boys glanced at one another and started laughing.
"I don't want to know." Andy stepped into the kitchen and looked at them. "Whatever you did, just… don't tell your mother." He shook his head at them. "Come on, let's go sit back down. We'll wait for your mother and sister, but I don't think they'll be much longer."
Ricky glanced toward the front of the house. It seemed his dad had opted to leave. He took a deep breath and let it out. "So, just the five of us for dinner then?"
"Yeah." Andy herded the pair back toward the dining room. "He's going to take Emily's rental and go back to his place. Rusty, you can run by with me later and pick it up. We can bring it back here or drop it off at the condo." It didn't matter where, and depended on how the rest of the evening went. Jack's presence had certainly put a pall over the day. There was some hope, however, that with his leaving, they might be able to salvage some enjoyment out of it.
MCMCMCMCMCMC
The hour had grown late before the kids finally left. Dinner was a muted affair, but dessert brought back some of the smiles and laughter that were present prior to the unhappiness.
Rusty and Ricky took Emily with them. The three decided that they were going to drop by and pick up the rental themselves. The kids bid their mother stay behind. They would be okay. After dropping off the car, Ricky told her they would go to a movie, just the three of them. There were a couple of Christmas Day openings that they all wanted to see.
Sharon carried dishes into the kitchen while Andy stood at the sink, carefully rinsing each one before placing it in the dishwasher. "Well, that was fun." She sat a pair of wine glasses on the counter beside him. That seemed to be the last of it. The bulk of it he had already taken care of.
"We knew that it would be." Andy cast a sideways look at her and grinned. "It wasn't that bad. It got better anyway. The kids are okay, Sharon."
"I know." She turned and leaned back against the counter. "They usually are. It's just hard on them. The reality of their father is a bitter pill to swallow sometimes. I just wish it could have been different."
"We always do." He shrugged as he took the wine glasses and dumped what remained in them. He rinsed each one and placed them on the top rack of the dishwasher. "There are a lot of things I would have liked to do different too. Maybe seeing how unhappy they actually are with him will help," he suggested. "It may not, but there's always a chance. Sharon, he got sober, but he never worked a program. It's not too late for all that."
"Hm." She hummed thoughtfully and turned toward him. Sharon moved behind him and slid her arms around his waist. "I'm actually glad that we did this here. The kids have a peaceful place to go back to at least, but I'm sorry that we brought this into your house."
"Don't be." He wiped his hands on a towel and turned. Andy slipped his arms around her. They hung loosely around her waist, his hands settled against the top of her hips. "I told you, I was glad to do it. It gave you all a place to go that, well, like you said, they can leave here and escape. They can go home and put it aside. Besides…" He pulled her closer, while a crooked grin tugged at the corners of his mouth. "I like having you here."
"I like being here." Her hands moved up his arms to slide around his neck. Sharon tipped her face toward him, kissed the tip of his chin. "You haven't asked me."
"I'm not going to." His hands stroked up her back. "You'll tell me if you want to. I think I picked up enough during the argument." Andy shrugged, shook his head. "I don't need to know, Sharon. It's part of your past, it can stay there."
She sighed softly, smiled up at him. "You always know exactly what I need to hear," she murmured. "One of many reasons why I love you." Sharon shook her head and tucked it against his neck. She folded against him, let his embrace engulf her. It felt good there, safe and warm. A tremor went through her. "I had a feeling that he would try to come at Rusty, I had no idea that he would bring up all of that. Even I expected better of him than that."
"You expected him to act like a human being, Sharon." He lay his cheek against the top of her head let his hands continue to stroke her back. She trembled against him and for a moment, he wished he had given in and punched the idiot. He was tempted, but it wasn't what she had needed in that moment. "There's nothing wrong with that. You're always going to want to see the best in him. It's the part of you that remembers the good, that still loves him."
"Maybe." She wasn't sure about that. He was probably right. She didn't want to think about it. Sharon didn't want to imagine that she would continue allowing herself to be injured by Jack's lack of caring. Not when she had this. As he said, there was a lot of history. Perhaps it was unavoidable. "I was six months pregnant. We named her because we had to bury her. There was nothing overly traumatic that caused it. Life just doesn't always unfold in the way that we would like or expect. It wasn't the cause of the breakup of our marriage. Jack didn't start drinking because of it. All of those things were already happening when I got pregnant. It was just not meant to be. What bothers me about it is that he brought it up here, in front of the kids. That he used that moment in our lives to try and make Rusty doubt his place in this family."
Andy drew back. He tipped her chin up and gazed down into her eyes. It was anger that he found there, that had her voice quivering. "Don't, he isn't worth it. Rusty knows where he stands with you. Whatever Jack tried to do, it didn't work. Don't give him a second of this. It's over now, Sharon. He's gone. Your kids know that they have you. They know that you love them. Don't waste your anger on him."
"So then," her lips quirked toward a small smile. "The next time he pushes your buttons and your temper starts to slip, I should tell you that he isn't worth your anger?"
"Hell no." Andy grinned. "You stand out of the way and let me pop the bastard." He pulled her back against him, let his lips brush hers. "There's a double standard. Your job is to be cool, calm and collected. I'm the hot-tempered idiot in this relationship, remember?"
"Oh yes." Her eyes lit up. "How could I forget. Remind me of that the next time the opportunity arises. I might just be tempted to let you have your way."
That would never happen. Andy laughed. "Believe me, I will." It was nice to picture, especially after the day they'd had. "Come on."
He drew her out of the kitchen with him. He kept an arm around her as they moved into the living room. At the sofa, Andy took a seat and drew her with him. He pulled her legs over his lap and pushed her heels off her feet. In the corner, the Christmas tree still glowed happily. While his hands stroked down her calves toward her ankles, Andy glanced at her. "You told Taylor about this?" He was surprised earlier, but wouldn't show that in front of Jack.
"Of course." Sharon settled sideways on the sofa and smiled at him. She rested her head against the back of the sofa and curled both of her arms around his. "I don't want anyone to have any doubt that this is important to me. My kids, Jack, Taylor, it doesn't matter who it is. This relationship is no less important to me in front of any of them. You are important to me. I want it, and I want you, and I'm not going to deny it to anyone. Least of all Taylor. You do a lot for me, everyday Andy, even without realizing. What kind of partner would I be if I didn't at least do my part to facilitate all of this?"
He smiled, let his attention fall to rubbing her ankles, then her feet. "I guess I just didn't expect you to do that so soon. I thought maybe you'd wait, see what happens. If this is moving too fast for you—"
"It's not." She leaned toward him. Her hand moved into his hair. Her fingers combed through the shortly cropped silver locks. "I think it's moving at exactly the pace that it is supposed to. Andy, the response that I got from Chief Taylor was No kidding. As if he was waiting for me to say something all this time. I imagine it's the same response that you'll get from Lieutenant Provenza when you tell him." Sharon shook her head at him and shrugged. She smiled warmly, eyes alight with affection and love. "We might have gotten here a little sooner than we would have if left to our own devices, but we're here now. We can thank Rusty and Nicole for that much. It was alway going to happen, I understand that now. I was already in love with you, I just wasn't ready to see it. You stopped being just a friend a while ago."
His hand moved up her leg, over her knee. Andy looked at her. His voice was thick. "I wasn't supposed to fall in love with you. I told myself not to. You really are a force of nature, you know? You swept right in and I was done. I just didn't think you needed me."
"I always need you." She leaned closer, let her lips brush the corner of his mouth. "More importantly, I always want you." It went well beyond desire. It was knowing that he was nearby, it was the feel of his hand, a shared look. It was knowing that if she fell, he would be there to lift her up again. It was knowing that when he was adrift, he would look to her, that he trusted her every bit as much as she trusted him. She called herself his partner, and that was truly how she thought of them. Partners, lovers, friends. "Our first Christmas together, the year that we were married, I tried to imagine what Jack and I would be like in thirty years," she said quietly. "I have waited my entire adult life to understand what it feels like to sit alongside my other half and know that I am loved. It isn't the life that I imagined then, but I was only a girl. I'm glad that it's you, and I'm glad that it's us, and whatever else happens, that is what I need."
Andy stared at her for several moments. She had rendered him speechless. At last he reached for her and pulled her into his lap. His arms settled around her as he cradled her close. His lips moved against her hair. "You always amaze me," he said. "Doesn't matter what it is, just a day at the office or moments like this, but you blow me away. I don't know how I'm ever going to deserve you, but I'm going to love you every day."
Her face turned into his neck. Her lips were gentle. "You see me," she murmured. "That's all you've ever done. It's all you ever need to do. That is more than enough. It's everything. It's a better gift than any I could have asked for."
Light was dancing softly in the room. The candles, half burned away now, continued to flicker with a soft, warm glow. Curled together on the sofa, they let the rest of the world fall away. They were left with only the sparkling lights of the tree, the warmth of a shared embrace, and a love that was worth holding on to.
~FIN