Rory made her way around the apartment, tip-toeing around so as not to wake the flatmates, who she hadn't met yet but had heard come in late at night. She had a shower and got changed, and walked out to find a woman, in her twenties, cooking eggs on the stove in a nightgown.

'You're not Jess,' she said.

'No, I'm Rory.'

'Rory?'

'Well, Lorelai. But everyone calls me Rory.'

'Well, sure. I'm Jo. I think Jess has talked about you.'

'Really? Yeah, maybe.'

'You're the girl he's in love with.'

'Oh,' Rory said, tightening the towel around her.

'Sorry,' Jo said, 'was that rude?'

'No,' she said, mustering a smile, 'Isn't it always nice to hear that someone loves you?'

'Depends who it is,' Jo said.

'Guess so.'

'What's Jess like?' Jo asked, flipping an egg.

'Oh, you don't know him?'

'Not well. I just moved in a few weeks ago and he's always at work or wherever. He seems pretty quiet.'

'He is quiet.'

'He's pretty dreamy.'

'Yeah,' Rory said, 'he's got a kind of dream-like thing to him.'

'Bad boy.'

'He's not that bad.'

'I figured. You don't look like a bad girl. Hey, do you want some eggs? I've got heaps. Like actually, it's like I'm trying to rehome the caged egg population. You think they'll recover?'

'I think you'll be free-ranging any day now.'

'Here,' Jo said, dextrously reaching for a plate and picking up an egg at the same time. She passed it over to Rory, and then threw a fork onto the table.

Rory picked it up, and realised she was starving. As quickly as decency would allow, she went to work on her fried egg. It was almost as good as Luke made. The thought of Luke made her stomach clench. Luke meant Stars Hollow, and Stars Hollow meant Dean.

'So what brings you to New York?'

'I screwed everything up,' Rory said, shrugging.

'You know, that's a pretty popular reason to come to New York. Don't beat yourself up.'

'Not even original, am I? Do you know, this is the second time I've done this.'

'Come here to see Jess?'

'Yeah. I skipped school a few years ago to come and see him.'

'Romantic tryst?'

'Not even that. We just kind of, hung out. I don't know. I guess it was romantic, in it's own way. But I had a boyfriend.'

'A boyfriend, huh?' Jo said, sitting down opposite her, 'maybe you are a bad girl.'

Rory shrugged:

'I think Jess is just the one guy that makes me do crazy things. Things I'd never usually do at all. You know, I didn't tell anyone I was coming here. Not even my Mom, and she's not like a Mom Mom, I tell her everything, and now she's wondering where I am. I don't know what I'm doing.'

'I can see Jess doing that to a person.'

'Right? I'm glad it's not just me.'

'I think it's the hair.'

Rory nodded, sagely, 'I think you might be right. Something about that hair.'

Jo looked thoughtful, eating her eggs. Rory continued:

'It's weird, how people can just walk into your life and totally flip it around.'

'It definitely is.'

'I thought I had things pretty straight. Even when I was younger, I knew exactly what I wanted to do, exactly what I wanted to be. I was the one who had it organised – everyone knew what I was going to do and how I was going to do it. That must sound arrogant.'

Jo shrugged.

'I don't mean it to be. It just was so simple, everything was straightforward. And now I guess it's all muddled because of a guy. Because of a couple of guys. Pretty stupid, huh?'

'Pretty normal, probably. I know the feeling. Although it was a couple of girls that screwed me up, not so much with the guys.'

'Oh. Yeah, fair enough. Do you still see either of them?'

'No, one moved to Alaska of all goddamn places. And one is in New York, but I never see her. She's moved on. But I always sort of hope I'll turn a corner and see her, and we'll start back up again.'

'That's what I thought about Jess, all this year. But when he did turn up, I didn't do anything.'

'Why not?'

'He asked me to leave school, and run away with him. And I couldn't do that,' Rory said.

'What's wrong with that? He asked you to do something you didn't want to do.'

'I know. I don't regret it, exactly. I regret how I handled it. Because when he came, I realised how much I'd missed him, and how long I'd been thinking about him. I don't think I ever really got over him, never really forgave him for leaving like he did.'

She paused for a minute.

'Sorry for talking so much,' Rory said, 'I usually don't talk like this.'

'No worries. You're not talking that much. And plus, I'm interested.'

Rory's phone rang and her heart dropped in her chest. She got it out of her pocket, and saw that it was Lorelai. She had woken up early, for once. Again, a sinking feeling: she must have been worried, probably unable to sleep.

'Sorry,' Rory said, 'thanks for the eggs.'

'No worries,' Jo said, picking up the plates.

Rory answered her phone.

'Hi, Mom.'

'Rory! You're in New York? What the hell! You had me so worried.'

Rory shut Jess' door behind her and went and sat down on the bed.

'Don't be mad.'

'Mad! I'm not mad. Confused, but not mad. What are you doing there, hon?'

'I don't know. I just had to get away.'

'From me?'

'From everything!' Rory said.

'And you went to Jess? What about Dean?' Lorelai said.

'I don't want to talk about Dean.'

'Honey, I get that, but we're going to have to talk about Dean at some point. It's going to be talked about, and we may as well get a head start on it. But if it's going to make you hang up the phone or not want to talk to me, then we won't talk about it. Up to you.'

'I just don't want to talk about it now.'

'Have you told Jess about Dean?' Lorelai asked.

'No. No I haven't.'

'Well, don't you think you should? I love you, Rory, but you're not being fair, running into his arms and not telling him.'

'I haven't run into his arms,' Rory protested.

'You're there, aren't you?'

'Yes, but nothing's happened. We're just friends.'

'Rory,' Loreali said, in her come-on-be-realistic way.

'What? Mom I can't help it I can't talk about Dean, I can't come home. I just need a break.'

'We don't have to talk about it now. But come home. We can watch Footloose. We can get takeaways from Al's and have a girl's night in. If you really can't stand it, we won't talk about it. I promise. We'll develop a sign language which doesn't have any words for boys, just for food and movies. Or we'll lock the door and say we've gone to California.'

'I want to, Mom, but I can't just leave Jess now.'

'You're not getting back with him, are you Rory? After how he left?'

'I don't know! He came to Yale.'

'What? Jess went to Yale?'

'Yeah. He drove all the way out there and asked me to run away with him.'

'Boy, say what you will about him, the kid knows how to make a romantic gesture.'

'I said no.'

'But you're there now. He must think you've changed your mind. That this is a 'yes'. Have you changed your mind?'

'I don't know. No.'

'Then staying there is going to give him all kinds of weird signals. Rory, come home and we can talk it over together. I miss you, babe.'

'I will. Soon. I miss you too, Mom.'

Rory had tears in her eyes but she brushed them out fiercely.

'I've got to go. Talk to you later.'

'OK,' Lorelai said, 'later. Promise?'

'I promise.'

'Say hello to Jess from me,' Lorelai said, 'I guess.'

'He's a better guy than you think, Mom.'

'I know, honey. But he's only a guy. I'm still here. Yale's still there, and all your friends. I know it seems like nothing else matters or exists but they still do.'

'I know.'

Jo led Rory around New York for an hour before she had to head off to work. She appreciated the company, enjoying her Brooklyn drawl and her no-shit approach to anything and anyone she met. She did wonder, though, what she actually thought of her, coming here all alone for a boy, being completely reliant on him. Rory felt embarrassed, for even though Jo had no idea what she was like, or what Rory liked to think she was like, she felt she was disappointing her, or making a bad impression. Being here felt like an imposition, not just on Jess, or on Jo, but a black mark against her independence as a person. Usually, she prided herself on being a self-contained person, someone able to deal with things better than other people, to operate as her own agent. Now, she felt dependent, and she didn't know how to fix it. Even going home – as attractive as that option seemed – would just mean becoming dependent on her mother, letting her fix everything for her, bandage her wounds, nurse her back to health.

She got a hot dog from a stand (not quite as good as the first one she had had in New York), and looked around. Unfamiliar people, unfamiliar faces, walked all around her. But at least this time she wasn't in her Chilton uniform. Rory decided she had to make some decisions; it was the only way to reclaim her sense of self, to make her feel like Rory again. She wished she could make a pro-con list, but shook her head–she had to make a decision like an adult, to go with her gut. As cheesy as it sounded, she knew a pro-con list wouldn't help solve the problems of her heart. Problems of the heart, she wanted to be sick. Lane would laugh at her. Lane. She desperately wanted to call Lane, but again stopped herself. She needed to do this alone.

Mentally, she held Dean and Jess in her head, and alongside them her mother, Luke, Stars Hollow and all the people and memories it represented. Her Mom was right. As always, she was infuriatingly right. Dean was a married man, and as much as that night had meant to her – and it really had meant something – it wasn't something she could pursue. She thought back to that night, realising that even in the act it had seemed somehow like a memory, like something happening in the past that meant something backwards. It had been more a nod to their past relationship, to the love they still felt for each other, but perhaps not a rekindling of it. Rory liked this idea; it felt poetic and fitting. It did some justice, she thought, to how strongly she had felt for Dean, even though it ended the way it did. If only he hadn't been married – she didn't think she would regret it at all. She blushed slightly, thinking about him kissing her mouth, breathing against her neck, kissing lower.

I love you, Rory. I never loved anyone else like I loved you.

Me too. I want to say something original, but I can't. I love you, too, Dean. You're like a brother to me.

A brother? Dean said, looking up.

Well not exactly like a brother. Dean, laughing. Hey, shut up, I've never had a brother!

Neither, but let's hope a brother wouldn't do this…

But Jess. After her fight with her Mom, she hadn't thought of Dean, she had thought of Jess. And if she'd loved Dean (yes, admittedly, a bit like a brother–or what? A kissing cousin? She almost shivered at the term), she loved Jess differently. As a man. But he had tried to make her leave Yale. He had left without telling her goodbye. He was a man, but was he a good one? Was he a good person?

Deep in her thoughts, when she looked around again, she was almost surprised to find herself in New York, again. There must be something you can do alone in New York. She checked her watch. 10.30. Two hours until she was going to meet Jess. Rory didn't intend to be waiting around, doing nothing, until he was ready to see her. If they were going to get to know each other again, her and Jess, then it would be on even terms. He wouldn't dictate terms without Rory dictating terms of her own. This, at least, was enough of a decision for her to get going and to do something, and having made it, Rory felt suddenly better. She realised, distantly, that Lorelai would probably have had similar advice – would have made the same decision herself – but Rory was proud to have got their on her own. She had always admired her mother's independence, her refusal to let herself be influenced or manipulated by other people. If she sometimes needed to learn how to surrender herself, Rory needed to learn the opposite, too easy to walk-over sometimes, too eager to smooth things over: a peace-maker between her Mom and her grandparents, a peace-maker at school, not quite a leader, but a mediator. But Rory resolved to lead, if not the entire world like Paris, then at least herself–to control her own fate.