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They have both stopped crying and the room is quite apart from the odd sniffle.
Neither knows what to do or say next.
Another few minutes pass before Olivia stands up and walks to the window.
Fitz stands in place not knowing what to do, too afraid to move.
Olivia turns to look at him. "Fitz look around my apartment"
Fitz looks from side to side then at her questioningly.
"I'm here" She says softly
"For now" he shoots back more harshly than he intended.
She shakes her head and he sighs.
"Liv, I get it, sort of. I'm trying to understand but I was so hurt, so scared, so wounded"
"I know Fitz but I had to go. I had to." She has told him all this before" You needed to grieve for your son. Your family needed you. Karen and Teddy needed their father and their mother. When their whole world was turning upside down, you all needed to be together. Your whole focus had to be your family. You did not need your mistress waiting in the wings."
"How many times do I have to tell you you're more than that, you're not my mistress. You're the love of my life and I needed you"
They're going in circles again.
"You needed the woman whose mother.. so we thought… had killed your son? Really? That's what you needed? Fitz at the hospital you couldn't even look at me. If I had of stayed and took your focus away from your family, you would have hated me even more"
"Liv I could never hate you."
Olivia is silent and Fit is getting angry again. She just doesn't get it.
"Olivia you can't pick and choose. You can't just take off. We're in this together you and I. YOU JUST LEFT" He shouts again anger rising. "You just left and.. nothing"
He's pacing back and forward and he's on a roll now. It's all tumbling out. "You left, you don't get it. You left ME… US. You could have said goodbye but I didn't even get that. I didn't mean enough to you for you to say goodbye."
Olivia is about to interject but he keeps going
"and then… then you come back and do I get a call? NO, no call, text, fax, email, carrier pigeon – nothing. So you leave for two months and then come back and still nothing!"
His voice is raised, his fists are clenched once again and he's pacing faster and faster
"Oh and then, I finally get you alone, finally and I ask if you were alone for those two month trying desperately to understand why you did this to us and you said you were alone. Oh but you weren't alone, you were with HIM. You left me and you lied to me. You lied about being on your own. You were with him, with the man who killed my son!"
Olivia is still silent. This is not the time for her to protest Jake's innocence. Fitz is furious and she knows he has a right to be.
"Liv why did you lie to me?"
Olivia is silent trying to think of the right thing to say that won't anger him more but her silence does just that.
"Liv how would you feel if I just left. Right now. I walk out of here and just disappeared. You don't know that I'm going, you don't know were I am and you don't know if I'm coming back. What if you wake up tomorrow and I'm gone. Would you even care? Would that hurt you?"
She pictures him leaving and the thought of that breaks her heart let alone him never returning. She suddenly gets it. Her tears start again.
Fitz is angry. Furious… but her tears… she hardly ever lets anyone see her vulnerable side. He can't deal with her crying. If his Livie is upset it kills him.
Once again they are crying in unison.
Fitz' tears of anger, frustration and at seeing his girl cry.
Olivia's at the realization that she pushed him too far. She did this to him, to them.
Fitz fear that this is it, it's gone too far for them to ever get back from this. Can he ever get over her leaving? Can he trust her again?
Olivia's arms are wrapped around herself. She head and heart pulling her in different directions. She wants to run from him, from the pain but also run into his arms, beg for forgiveness and have him hold her as she cries but she doesn't. She dries her tears. She always tries to be the strong one. She's putting up that front again. She's no good for him she thinks. There's no turning back.
As if he can read her mind he starts to close the space between them with his large strides.
He knows he has to get past this if they are to survive.
He walks up to her and puts his arms around, he hugs her tight. Her arms are still hugging herself struggling to let him in. He keeps hugging. They stand there wordlessly until she eventually lets her arms fall to her side and she allows him to really hug her. She allows her body to relax slightly into him and he tightens their embrace. He places a soft kiss on the top of her head as they continue to stand in silence.
Eventually Fitz lets go and the feelings sends a shiver down Olivia's spine. She can't read him. She doesn't know what to do. He's staring at her and it's unnerving. Is this it? Is he going to leave? Are we ok? Should she speak.
Then he gives her a small smile "Hi"
"Hi" she replies tentatively.
"There's hope" He uses her words to try to ease both their minds.
Olivia nods slightly "There's hope" but it sounded more like a question then a statement.
Fitz walks over to the coffee table and picks up her half empty wine glass. He takes a sip and then hands it to her. She gratefully accepts and finishes the glass before handing it back to him.
He chuckles lightly then he sighs. He is exhausted. His day, the alcohol from earlier, their fight. He's spent but he's not leaving, not until this is resolved.
"Round three?" He's trying to lighten the mood
She gives him a tiny smile.
They both stare at each other again. He can't take it anymore. The silence, the yelling, and then more silence. He doesn't know what to say but he's over their distance so he sits on the couch "come here" he commands.
She hesitates for a moment before doing as she's told sitting next to him. He pulls her legs up and puts them over his so she's sitting facing him.
He rests his hands on her legs and looks directly at her.
"Liv, do you…." He pauses preparing himself for the worst "Do you…us… I mean… " how does he word this "Do you still want Vermont?"
She knows what he's trying to say. He's not asking directly about Vermont, he's asking if she still wants him, still wants a future with him. If she still loves him.
"Fitz.." she begins but stops. She knows this can't be fixed with one word. She has to make him understand her. "Fitz it's not that simple"
His face turns white and she panics. She's doing this wrong so she starts blurting it out.
"Fitz I'm the other woman. Like it or not technically I am your mistress. No matter what we feel about each other I am not your wife. Fitz I don't belong to you. You have kids, you have Mellie. You are a father and a husband. I am a mistress. I hate that term but it's what I am and it's hard. This isn't an ultimatum.. This isn't her or me. I get it Fitz, you are a family, you have commitments as a husband, a father and as President. I get that. I'm just saying it's hard and sometimes it's too hard and I run. I run to my work, I run to Jake or I run away. I don't want you to break up your family, I don't want you to resign from office. I get it, I need to wait my turn….it's just hard sometimes"
Now it's his turn to understand. How could he not see it before. He's been so caught up in his own wants and needs and as long as he has the love of his life he's fine but he hasn't really thought about what it's really like for her.
"Oh Livie" he pulls her close. "I get it. I'm so so sorry"
"No it's fine, I just needed to get that out."
"Liv its not fine. If you are feeling this way you need to tell me, remind me. And you do belong to someone, you belong to me. We belong to each other. I know its tough but I want you Liv. I want us"
She pulls back to look at him "I still want Vermont" she says matter of factly. "I will always want Vermont"
He leans in slowly. This is their first kiss in months. He's scared she'll pull away. He lightly brushes his lips against hers and is relieved when he feels her press her lips harder against his. They deepen their kiss, tongues colliding and hands in each other's hair. After a few minutes they pull back breathlessly.
"Liv promise me you won't leave again" He knows he sounds weak and scared and needy but he needs to hear it
"I promise" she says sincerely. "Same goes for you"
He understands what she's referring to. "I promise" he replies. "Liv I'll make this work, us work. We'll have more time. We'll have Vermont"
She smiles knowing that she'll wait, she'll try harder to be patient. What's a few years when they have a lifetime in front of them.
He moves her legs off him "wait here" he walks out her front door before returning a minute later.
He walks back in as if nothing as happened "I'm exhausted so I'm going to stay the night. Is that OK?"
"Fitz you can't"
"Why can't I?" he asks smugly.
"You're the President of the United States for one, what about your wife waiting for you at home? What about the secret service?"
He chuckles "I am the President so what?, The President needs to sleep sleep. My wife and I don't share a room let alone a bed so I doubt she will know I'm even missing and I just spoke to the Secret service and they're fine. "
"Cyrus?" She raises her eyebrow.
He looks at his feet "Well….. I'll just have to leave early. As long as I'm back at the White House before he is I'm golden" He smiles.
She shakes her head. She's exhausted too.
"Fitz are you sure this is a good…" He cuts her off with a kiss
"I'm sure. Liv I want to be here. I need to be with you. I need to hold you all night. I need to make sure I put us first too… unless…. unless you don't want me to stay. I can go if you'd prefer?"
"Of course I want you to stay" she looks around for a moment "So, do you want the couch or will I?"
Oh so now she's a comedienne.
He picks her up and throws her over his shoulder "You Ms. Pope are coming to bed with me"
She's laughing, genuinely laughing and pretending to struggle from his grasp. He's got a tight hold on her and for the first time in months, he feels complete.
He puts her down on the her feet when he reaches her room.
He wants nothing more than to make love to her all evening but he knows she's exhausted because he is too. He doubts either one has had a proper nights sleep in months.
He strips down to his underwear and gets into her bed.
She does the same.
She's facing him and he pulls her close. He stokes her back. As they begin to drift off to sleep in each others arms he whispers "I love you Livie"
She snuggles in closer. He doesn't need her to say it, he knows she wants Vermont.