ALL RIGHTS GO TO MARLENE KING

You don't love someone because they're perfect, you love them in spite of the fact that they're not. - Jodi Picoult

Chapter 4: Tear stained shirts

Alison's POV:

After out morning classes we went to the cafeteria, Hanna and Spencer were already sitting down at our table. I sat down in front of Emily.

Emily. The brown hired girl that after every shitty thing I've done she still manages to care about me, to.. Love me?

Does she still love me? I can tell that she has some feelings for me, but I know that she just broke up with Paige and that was clearly a serious relationship. Plus, I've been the biggest bitch to her for years.

Aria starts talking about some girl in Radley, Rhonda is it? But I'm not really paying attention, my mind is over flowing with the events that happened a few days ago. The events meaning our kiss

That's what's making me more nervous than anything, we haven't mentioned it. At all. I do have feelings for her but it's not that easy, I'm scared, no I'm terrified.

What if I acted on these, feelings. My dad and brother would probably never look at me the same way again and what will everyone else think? I may not be the same girl I was when I was 15 but I still care what people think about me, and society hasn't been to keen on the gay agenda lately.

Gay? That word didn't feel right in my mouth. It didn't fit me.

"Ali?" Emily's waving hand brought me back to reality.

"Sorry, I just have a lot on my mind." I stabbed a piece of lettuce with my fork, popping it into my mouth.

"Care to fill us in?" Spencer asked, clearly annoyed.

"Just thinking about my mom." I lied smoothly. My mind flashed back to the video of A burying my mother, it made my stomach drop.

Spence looked down at her salad awkwardly and Emily squeezed my hand underneath the table. It made me feel better immediately.

"Guys, if the police know that we weren't in Philly that day, then we're the number 1 suspects." Spencer stated, trying to change the subject.

"I'm going back to Radley tomorrow, I'm going to try to pry anything out of Rhonda." Aria said, drinking out of her water bottle.

My phone went off and everyone silenced down. I unlocked my phone with shaky fingers and clicked on the new text message alert.

You may not kiss and tell, but I do. - A

There was a file attached to it, it was a picture of Emily and I kissing in my bed. It looks like someone had taken the picture from my yard.

My whole body went numb. A knew. I felt a wave of nausea flow over me and I started hyperventilating. The room was spinning quickly and my heart was pounding furiously against my chest. I gripped the side of the table, my knuckles turning white from the pressure.

My vision was blurred out but I managed to see Emily's mouth move but my brain couldn't make out her words. An excruciatingly loud ringing sound blasted through my head and I stood up, gripping the table tightly. My head was aching and my palms were sweaty.

I took a step towards the door, big mistake. My knees gave up and I fell down on the tile floor, slipping into darkness the minute I heard a loud crack in my head.

Emily's POV:

We all looked over at Ali, she got a text.

"What does it say?" Aria asked, leaning forward.

"Is it from A?" Hanna asked.

"Tell us." Spencer demanded.

I stared at her face, she wasn't paying attention to us, her eyes were glued to the screen in shock and her fingers were shaking.

"Ali?" I said, starring at her shocked face.

Ali closed her eyes tightly and opened them again, repeating the process over and over again. A layer of sweat glistering on her forehead, she gripped the table for support. Her breathing was heaving and uneven.

"Ali, are you okay?" I asked nervously." She didn't reply she just stood up and collapsed.

Everyone in the cafeteria silenced down, whispering to each other what they had just witnessed. I ran over to her and placed her head on my lap. I put my hand underneath her head and a tad of blood ran down the tip of my fingers. My heart skipped a beat, but not in the good way.

"Alison wake up!" I yell, tears prickling I my eyes. There was no movement, just the steady sound of her cold beating heart.

I pick her up and carry her bridal style through the sea of students that are trying to get a glimpse of the unconscious Ali D.

The other girls yell at me to wait but I run into the nurses office instead.

"Oh dear, what happened here?" Ms. Fink said in worry. I placed Ali gently on the bed, wiping away the tears that had managed to escape.

"I don't know, she just collapsed at lunch." I stated, my voice shaking.

"I'm going to check her vitals to see if everything's alright. You can go back to class." Ms. Fink told me, Placing a wet cloth on the top of her forehead, where the blood had come out.

I nodded and walked up to the girls, who were waiting outside of the office.

"Does she know what happened to her?" Aria asked worriedly.

"No, but she'll tell us later when Ali wakes up." The girls nod understandingly.

"We should head over to class." Spencer said.

I could barely focus on what Ms. Johnson was saying, something about idioms? Or was it analogies?

My mind was stuck on Ali.

The bell rang and I bolted out of my seat and into the nurses office.

Ali was sitting up on the bed, holding a cloth to her forehead. Her natural pinkish glow that she usually has in her cheeks was gone. She was pale as a ghost.

"Alison." I breathed a sigh of relief and pulled her into a tight hug.

"Are you alright? What happened?" I asked, looking into her dull eyes.

"I believe she had a panic attack, do you get those often, Alison?" The nurse asked, writing down something on a piece of paper.

"No." Ali muttered, straightening out her sundress.

"Em, I need to talk to you." Ali whispered, looking down at her hands.

"Of course." I waited for her to start talking.

"In private, where there are no cameras." She pointed to the one above my head. Right. Principal Hacket had insisted of putting them up after Ali came back.

"Uh, yeah come on." I grabbed her wrist and dragged her into the bathroom quickly. When we got there I let go of her wrist and my face heated up.

"Sorry for dragging you." I mumbled, running a hand through my hair.

Ali giggled her bell like laugh and it made my heart swoon.

We stood there in silence, just starring at each other. Should I say something? Does she want me to say something?

"So.. You wanted to talk?"

"Uh, yeah." Ali took a deep breath and looked me straight in my eyes.

Alison's POV:

I took a deep breath and looked into her beautiful chocolate brown eyes.

"You know the text I got in lunch?"

"Yeah, who was it?" Emily crossed her arms over her chest.

"Well, that text caused my panic attack." I eyed her nervously, searching her eyes for a sign of, well, anything.

"Well, it was about my- eh, our secret." I was hoping she would catch on and understand what I was trying to explain but instead she had the same expression that was a mix of confusion and worried.

Here it goes.

"A had a picture of you and I.. Uh, kissing." I choked out the last word, scared of what might be her reaction.

"Ali, it's okay." Emily said soothingly, brushing her fingertips lightly against my arm, leaving a trail of goosebumps behind.

I couldn't help it. Tears started falling down my eyes but I tried to force them back, even after everything that's happened I still don't like crying in front of others.

All my emotions that have been stored up inside of me for the past month came rushing out, like a volcano.

"No, it's not okay!" I walked away from her, "I'm not like you, I'm not brave! I'm scared, scared of what people will think of me, what my dad will think of me!"

Emily tried to reach out to me but I waved her hand away. "I'm afraid of loosing you, don't you get that? What if I act on my feelings and everything just crumbles. I could hurt you, God knows I've done it a billion times before."

"Ali-" I interrupted her.

"I'm messed up, Em! Nothing ends well when anyone's with me. A started harassing you in the first place because of me, it's my fault you can't swim! What if I do something terrible and I loose you?" I wipe away my tears.

"I can't loose you too, not again." I whimper out. Emily's arms wrap around me and I cry softly into her shirt.

"Nothing that's happened with A or anything is your fault, and you are brave, incredibly brave." Emily said, holding me tighter.

"And you won't loose me." She said into my hair.

"You don't know that, what if I mess, whatever we have, up? I could break your heart again and I don't think I'll be able to live with myself if I hurt you like that again." I sob out, clinging tightly to Emily's tear stained shirt.

"Alison, Alison look at me." Emily said, tilting my chin up so our eyes meet. Emily rarely called me Alison but when she did it made my heart flip.

"I promise you Alison with everything I am, that you will never go a day without me thinking about you, without me caring about you. I would never leave you, not in a billion years." Emily's words melted my heart causing me to feel a wriggle of remorse inside.

Without thinking I pressed my lips against hers. It felt like I was flying, like a billion fireworks were erupting inside my stomach and I never wanted this feeling to end.

I cupped Emily's face in my hands and kissed her more passionately this time. Our lips moved in synch as her hand traveled up my back to twist a lock of my hair around her finger. I kept one hand cupping her face and the other one was tangled into her beautiful brown hair.

Emily pulled away, still in chock form my bold move. The kiss ended to early in my opinion, but then again, we were in the school bathroom.

Emily had wide eyes with a slight smile creeping up her lips. I touched her nose with my finger and giggled slightly at her reaction. She's adorable.

Emily pulled me in for another warm hug and I snuggled into the crock of her neck, breathing in her wonderful floral smell. Emily let out a sigh of relief and I closed my eyes, wanting to stay like this forever.

But knowing my luck, that's not possible.