I am legit the worst author on this website, I know, and I wouldn't blame any of you if you didn't want to read my stories anymore. I'd take it like a man, rub some dirt in it, try not to cry salty tears of wasted dreams all destroyed by 12 years of misery in cement and brick buildings that supposedly build up know—
Zach: Dear, I'll take it from here. THEY SUPPOSEDLY BUILD UP KNOWLEDGE BUT ALL THEY DO IS RIP YOUR HOPES AND DREAMS LIMB FROM LIMB LIKE ANCIENT AZTEC TRIBAL LEA—
Abby: Really, Zach? Like that softened the picture any better? Point is, I'm not making up excuses for why it's been over a year since I gave you a measly update. I did, however go on the little rant because YESTERDAY WAS MY LAST DAY OF HIGH SCHOOL! Which is why I decided (since I have a sinus infection and needed fun), that I needed to start writing again. I figured fanfiction was the best place to start again –smiles-
Zach: I'm back, man, and feelin' good! Ok, do you realize how much neglect I've been through lately? No! You don't! Shut up, Abby, just give the neglected readers their chapter, you... you… YOU PROSTITUTE!

Well, you heard the man. My apologies once again.

Previously on 50 Ways to Annoy Iggy: THE STORY

"Well Bell, there's kind of a problem. See, when I was ferociously shoved into Narnabithia, which is now a freaking CELLAR, it seems that I sprained my right ankle. I can't walk anywhere."

I heard Bell cough uncomfortably. "Oh, Iggy. I'm sorry, I'll come down and help you." I heard soft and delicate footsteps venture down stairs, and if it weren't for the fact that I was very irritated, I probably would have thought they were cute. I felt a tiny arm wrap around my side as she helped me stand up.

"No offense, Iggy, but you know I can't completely support you..." Bell hesitated as she started up the stairs. I waited for her to help me, stubbornly not doing a very good job with complying.

"Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn."

#19 - Say "in accordance to the prophecy" after all of your sentences.

IGGY POV

After finally discovering some aspirin up in this place, (and apparently developing quite the ghetto dialect), I eased into the brown leather couch in Mrs. Martinez's living room and waited for her to get some ice for my newly sprained ankle.

Sorry, correction, pulled muscle. Damn medical student.

I heard much smaller feet enter the room and sighed. All of these peasants had better be ready for some heart-felt, written apologies. That they obviously must read to me for I am blind.

"Here, Iggy, I brought you some ice. I had to do it for Mrs. Martinez in accordance to the prophecy!" Angel mystically whispered to me. She sort of managed to give me the shivers, as I felt a chill tap its way up the steps of my spinal cord.

"Angel, it is now Gazzy's turn. You must leave now, in accordance to the prophecy," I heard Max instruct our youngest.

Okay, what is this prophecy and where can I rea—er, hear it? Ooh, will there be an oracle? I have always wanted an oracle in our adventures! Just call me Iggy Jackson, Son of Hermes! Get it? The messenger? Winged shoes? I have wi—alright, you know, whatever.

"Big brother! In accordance to the prophecy, you must come visit dearest Iggy presently!" I heard the sound of the refrigerator door slam and hard plastic being sliced open with those paisley scissors Mrs. Martinez leaves on the counter between the fridge and the stainless steel sink all rhythmically sounding with the pounding footsteps of a kid who doesn't know how to walk without stomping. Seconds later the footsteps marched their way towards me until a 9 year old body plopped itself right on my lap.

"Oh hey there, partner. What's all this mumbo-jumbo stuff I keep hearing about a prophecy?" I asked as he fumbled with the snack he withdrew from the fridge. "And what are you eating? Please say it's got some kind of cheese and there's plenty to share!"

"I was hungry but could not eat in accordance to the prophecy. I did, however take out some bacon for you, Iggy!" I hardly had the time to wonder why he would want to feed me raw bacon when I felt rubbery strips of heaven land horizontally over my sightless eyes.

"Uh… are… are you putting bacon on my face?" I squirmed like bacon on a greasy frying pan as Gaz slid one vertically between my eyes, forming a cross with the other slice.

"I can save us! I know I can! This is how to do it, in accordance to the prophecy! We shall be free!" Gazzy laughed like a mad scientist as he continued to weave raw bacon on my face.

"OKAY, THAT IS IT! I HAVE HAD ENOUGH WITH YOU PEOPLE AND YOUR STUPID BACON PROPHECY! GIVE ME ERASERS, NO PROBLEM! GIVE ME FLYBOYS, EVEN BETTER! BUT HAVE FANG START SINGING, STRAP A BRA ON MY HEAD, TOSS ME DOWN A FLIGHT OF STAIRS, AND LAYER BACON ON MY HEAD AND I'LL LOSE IT!"

Max POV

"HAVE FANG START SINGING, STRAP A BRA ON MY HEAD, TOSS ME DOWN A FLIGHT OF STAIRS, AND LAYER BACON ON MY HEAD AND I'LL LOSE IT!"

Iggy had finally snapped. I peeked into my mom's living room and saw Gazzy hop off Iggy's lap and save the bacon as it flopped angrily off Ig's face and nearly to the floor. Ever a member of my strong flock, Iggy limped towards his room with his frozen bag of snap peas, looking pissed off and in pain.

I felt an invisible force rest on my shoulder and chuckle as two broad arms of air wrapped themselves around my waist. An unseen pair of lips danced their way up my neck and I sighed into their ballet. I had a flock problem, though and as much as I was enjoying my unnoticeable moment of pleasure, I was still the leader of my family.

"Fang, really? You know now's not the time," I quietly scolded, turning around in his arms. He removed them before allowing himself to be seen once again.

"Sorry, couldn't resist. You looked a little tense, I know how masterminding gets to you, I just thought that maybe we could unwind, you know, together. Maybe tonight," I watched as the sparkle of a normal teenage boy flickered in Fang's eyes. Without looking around I quickly pecked him on the lips.

"Not right now, I'm sorry. I think we're not the only ones who need a night of unwinding, though. Let's lay off Ig for a while. I'm gonna go tell the kids."

Fang let me go and I went to relay the message to the youngest Flock members and Ella, who then called Bell, saying the next time she came over there would be no guarantee of a time-in…

But the game still isn't over.

What do you guys think! I tried to make this one long, and I think there will be a chapter without some pranks! Even Iggy is bound to get suspicious of everyone constantly being out to get him, so it's probably best to spread it out a bit, wouldn't you agree?

Zach: And this is why you're the author. Ba da bing, ba da boom.
Abby: Quit it with the sarcasm, you know it hurts me when you use sarcasm on something I'm very self-conscious about! –starts to cry a bit-
Zach: Shit-ake mushrooms. Come on, Abs, I'm actually really happy with how this chapter came out! Lengthiest one, maybe ever in this story!
Abby: IT WAS LENGTHY?!
Zach: In the most wonderful way! Uh… reviewers? Take it from here, please! Help!

Love and Self-Consciousness,
Abby