Blood and Choice
Chapter 7
Raema's sword weighed heavily on her shoulders, as if the weight of what she was about to do had settled into the blade. Heat washed against her face as she entered the cavern below the audience chamber. As always, the cattle flinched back from her arrival, cringing in the shadows against the walls, hoping to avoid her notice. She ignored them, this time; she had come for one thing only, and she knew that any distractions would eat away at her resolve.
Silweyn crouched in the same place as before, still shackled to the wall. The vampire looked even worse than she had days ago, even more gaunt and weak. Her eyes were sunken, glowing with the dull light of unsated hunger. Raema wondered how long a vampire could survive while being fed upon, and not feeding themselves.
Silweyn looked up as she approached, watching silently as Raema crouched beside her and unlocked her chains from the wall.
"Get up," Raema said tightly. She gritted her teeth, trying to fight back the urge to help the vampire to her feet. Silweyn rose stiffly, slowly, as if she had aged decades in the past few weeks. When she staggered, Raema caught her arm, steadying her.
Wordlessly, she led the vampire out into the audience chamber. She could sense the captive's surprise when she led her not deeper into the stronghold, but up the ramp to the exit.
They saw no one on the way out. Raema could feel the Juraene vampires just under her awareness, the indistinct blot on her mind's eye that she could always feel in Telasero, but she saw no one outside. Dawn was approaching; the faint glimmer in the east was too faint to light the night, but that wouldn't last much longer. She led Silweyn down the steps of the stronghold, half-carrying her when she wavered, weak-kneed, on the stairs. Down the steps, into the night, across the expanse where the clan had fought for its survival, where Silweyn had betrayed the Ancient, into the rocks that stood like a stone forest in the dark. Silweyn went silently, and Raema guided her, desperately trying to keep her own mind blank, to keep away from thoughts of what she was about to do.
When she guessed they had gone far enough from the fortress, she stopped, and Silweyn stood still beside her. In the dark, Raema could see her eyes gleaming.
"Why am I here?" the vampire asked, her voice shattered into hungry layers.
Her eyes were luminous, the empty light of a starved vampire. Raema made herself look at them, to meet Silweyn's eyes as she spoke.
"I told you I would talk to Assurjan on your behalf," she managed.
Silweyn's expression did not change; but she drew herself up a bit straighter, and lifted her chin. "Get on with it, then," she said, and Raema thought there might be a tremor in her echoing voice.
The grip of her sword was cool as she wrapped her fingers around it. It slid free of the scabbard with a soft scrape of metal, catching the light of Silweyn's eyes in the darkness. Raema stared at her old tutor for a long moment; Silweyn watched her, unflinching.
Do it. It will be a kindness, in the end.
"Turn around," Raema whispered, forcing the words out. After a long pause, Silweyn obeyed. The moment stretched, impossibly long. A soft breeze brushed Raema's face, bringing with it the distant call of a cliff racer.
Swallowing hard, Raema reached out her free hand and found the catch on the bracers that Jole had shown her. They sprang free, dropping to the ground between the two women. Silweyn twitched in surprise, but did not move, as if unsure that she understood.
"You won't get another chance," Raema said softly. "Don't get caught again."
Silweyn turned to stare at her, luminous eyes wide.
"Go!" Raema snapped, managing to put an edge into her voice for the first time. "Before I change my mind."
The vampire blinked once, and a tiny smile crept across her lips. Then she was moving away into the night, limping and lacking the usual vampire grace. Raema stayed there for a long time after she was out of sight.
Bloody Oblivion... did I do the right thing? Slowly, she turned and sheathed her sword, made her way back toward the stronghold. Picking her way between the monolithic stones, she felt an itch between her shoulder blades, as if Silweyn's eyes were still watching her from the dark. Unbidden, her mind conjured up an image of the starving vampire, slaughtering the first innocent victim she came across, too desperate and hungry to be anything but a mindless killer. Raema cursed silently, clenching her fists as Telasero's outline appeared against the faintly lightening sky. Maybe Silweyn would be unable to find any prey before dawn caught her. She didn't know whether that would be a mercy or not.
The stairs to the top level of the stronghold seemed twice as high as usual. She climbed them reluctantly, watching the shadows shrink as the dawn encroached. Inside, the audience chamber was as dark and ominous as ever. She went to Assurjan's rooms, intending to find a book in the library and immerse herself in it. She wanted to forget, at least for a while, what she had done.
Instead, she found Assurjan, sitting in the lone chair at one end of the library, as if he had been waiting for her. She paused, wondering.
"My lord...?"
He eyed her, unblinking, for a long moment. "Close the door."
She did, and approached him slowly, her heart beginning to pound nervously. He was sitting as still as a corpse, with that eerie, undead stillness that set her nerves on edge. He watched her with a stony expression that she recognized: he was furious, and she could almost feel his anger, a throbbing in the faint mental awareness she had of him.
Raema stopped in front of him, at a distance she hoped was a safe one. She made herself meet his gaze, waiting for him to speak, though her spine still crawled with a sense that she knew what was coming.
"You will tell me," he said finally, in a voice that came out low and dangerous, "why you let Silweyn go free."
Raema's heart felt as if it dropped into her stomach. Gods... she thought, mind racing. She hadn't expected anyone to realize it quite so soon. The only way he could already know was... if he had been watching her do it. He had to have been near enough to see, shrouded in the darkness. But why hadn't he stopped her, if he'd been watching? Or gone after Silweyn himself?
"I..." her voice trailed off, choked by the possibilities of what to say, and the uncertainty of what would be the best choice.
"You will tell me," he said again, quietly, with a calm certainty in his voice. "She betrayed me and left me to die, and you have let her escape justice, left her free to threaten Juraene clan once again. You will explain yourself."
Raema's mouth began moving before her thoughts reached it. "I hardly think she will be a threat to the clan, my lord—"
He broke his stillness, lowering his chin almost imperceptibly; but the way his glare intensified was clear enough. Raema fell silent, and looked away, willing her pounding heart to ease before more words spilled out.
"I... I did not intend to, my lord. Not at first. I only wanted... It wasn't right, leaving her to rot with the cattle, draining her little by little, dragging out her suffering. You told me I could give her a clean death, and that was what I planned. But..."
She took a deep breath, and raised her eyes to his once more. "I have killed for you in cold blood before, my lord. I have murdered a man in his bed for no other reason than that you wanted him dead. I saw Silweyn waiting for me to murder her, and it was like being back in Radd Hard-Heart's bedchamber. I will never be free of his blood on my hands, my lord... And I knew that I could not add Silweyn's blood to it."
Assurjan regarded her expressionlessly for a moment. "And so you spared her life, such as it is. I do not begrudge you that; I never expected you to kill her. But you have not yet explained why you chose to set her free rather than bring her back into the stronghold."
Raema blinked. "You never expected-"
He ignored her, continuing, "I named Silweyn a traitor before the entire clan. If it becomes known that you deliberately let her escape, all of Juraene will know you for a traitor, as well. I am not entirely certain that I should not put you in her place among the cattle."
Raema stared at him, sudden anger flooding over her. "Well, why don't you?" she snapped, all worry forgotten. "Vivec knows I should be there already. Maybe your next Hand will take pity on me and let me go; I have a better chance of freedom there than waiting for you to grant it!"
A muscle jumped in Assurjan's cheek. Otherwise, he remained still as stone, but she thought she saw his expression change, in the blink of an eye. For that brief fraction of a moment, she could almost swear he looked... stricken.
Talintus chose that moment to open the door, peering into the antechamber. Assurjan's face slipped back behind his carefully blank mask. Seeing the two of them staring at each other, Talintus hesitated, then cleared his throat carefully.
"Yes?" Assurjan said, with a hint of impatience.
"Ah... Beg pardon for the interruption, my lord, but you have a visitor. It's that Redguard vampire hunter, Jole. He asks to speak to you, my lord."
Raema felt almost a physical relief of pressure as the Ancient finally looked away from her, flicking that stony stare toward the other vampire. "Send him in."
With a hurried bow, Talintus ducked out of the room, looking only too happy to go. Raema's heart began to pound as Assurjan turned his gaze back to her. Why would Jole come to speak to the Ancient? Had he caught another of their fugitive traitors? I don't think I can bear to witness any more punishment.
"We will speak of this later," he said, his voice tight. She managed a nod, still half-shocked at her own outburst... and his reaction, the one that she couldn't be completely certain she'd seen.
He beckoned for her to join him. Forcing leaden feet into motion, Raema took up her place at his side, as if they had not been quarreling only moments ago. We must present a unified front, she thought with sour amusement, clasping her hands behind her back.
A moment later, Talintus ushered Jole into the room. Jole gave Assurjan a low bow, rising with his customary grin, directed mostly toward her. "Greetings, my lord; Raema. How are you?"
Raema winced inwardly. Jole was being more respectful of the Ancient than he usually was, but Assurjan had little tolerance for the hunter at the best of times. In his current mood, he would have no patience for exchanging niceties. She shook her head slightly, hoping Jole would see and understand the hint.
He did, letting his smile fade a bit. "My lord, I come with a request... I have been hired by the Nerano family to hunt down a certain vampire, a former member of Berne clan named Calvario. He has made his lair in a tomb in the Grazelands. I've heard rumors about this vampire; they say he is quite dangerous, and I'd prefer not to go on this hunt alone. So I thought, if you could spare her, I might borrow your Hand to back me up. She knows vampires, has no fear of being turned, and I trust her." He glanced at her, his smile widening again momentarily. "For equal pay, of course."
Raema felt a little shiver of excitement run through her. She had nearly forgotten Jole's offer to bring her on a hunt. Now, the possibility of some time away from Telasero- away from Assurjan- could not have come at a better time.
Assurjan was quiet for a long moment. "I am not in the habit of lending out the services of my clan members," he said finally. "However... I know Calvario. His destruction would be to our advantage. Grant me the day to consider, Ser Devan, and I shall tell you at sunset." He glanced at Raema. "You may go and see that our guest is made comfortable." There was no hint of their earlier argument in his voice, but she could see it, that cool anger still pooled in his stone-white eyes.
Thus dismissed, Raema escorted Jole from the library. "What in Vivec's name is going on?" the hunter asked in a low voice, as soon as they had left the room. "I've been in duels that weren't as tense as the two of you in there."
"It's a long story," she sighed. Jole would never accept any sleeping accommodations within the stronghold full of vampires, she knew, so she led him back toward the exit. "Come on, and I'll tell you."
Raema's eyes still hadn't adjusted to the morning sunlight before she led Jole back into dimness- this time inside the Propylon Chamber located outside the stronghold. It was secluded from the rest of the clan, and so long as the sun was up, it was not likely to have any vampiric visitors. Jole glanced around approvingly, and began setting out his bedroll, against the far wall from the entrance. Raema moved to help him; he let her take over the chore while he pulled a few items from his pack. "Hungry?"
Raema waved away the proffered food, and sat down, leaning back against the wall. Jole settled down beside her, and they sat in companionable silence, bathed in the fluctuating light of the propylon links while Jole ate.
"Does Assurjan worry about these?" The Redguard asked, waving vaguely at the two portals. "I'm surprised you don't have a guard on them. Seems dangerous to have a fortress into which anyone could just appear without notice."
Raema shrugged. "He has the index for Telasero in his chamber," she told him. "He found it here when he took the stronghold from the Sixth House. Anyway, no one travels by propylon these days."
Jole grunted. "I suppose not."
The silence stretched a bit further. Raema gazed up at the swirling ribbons of light and waited for him to ask, again, what was bothering her.
"You already know," she replied, when the question finally came.
"Do I?" Jole tossed a chunk of bread in the air and caught it in his mouth.
"I don't know what to do," Raema admitted with a sigh. "Things are... difficult."
"Anyone can see that. And I'm sure that letting loose dangerous prisoners is not the way to improve things. What else are you doing about it?" He had been none too pleased to hear that Silweyn had been set free.
Arguing, mostly, she thought. "Hopefully, going with you for a few days so he and I can both... think things through."
Her friend set his food aside and turned to look at her, for once his expression serious. "Be careful, Raema," he told her. "Remember what I told you."
Vampires hate, and hunger, and kill... but they don't love.
"I know," she said, and he raised his eyebrows.
"What, no protestations that you're not in love? Does that mean you've given up denying it?"
"Oh, shut up," she said, shoving him. He fell sideways, laughing, and Raema grinned in spite of herself.
When he'd righted himself, he put away the remains of his food as they sat in silence. He settled back against the wall beside her, hands behind his head. "Do you remember what else I told you?" He asked softly.
Raema glanced askance at him, as his voice filled her memory again. I kill vampires for a living. You are the only reason I haven't yet-
"I remember." It came out in a whisper.
He held her gaze, dark eyes filled with a deadly seriousness that she had only rarely seen in him. "You are my friend, Raema. You need only say the word, and I will set you free."
First Dram Bero, now Jole... She shook her head mutely, afraid to speak, afraid of what she would say if she did. Her friend eyed her a moment longer, looking as if he wanted to say more. Finally, though, he only smiled, and the moment passed.
"Suit yourself," he said lightly, moving to lay down on the bedroll. "If you want to spend your time stuck with an arrogant undead who is too foolishly blind to see what's right under his nose, that's your affair..."
Raema rolled her eyes. "Get some rest," she told him. "I'll talk to him tonight."
He mumbled something in response, and was snoring moments later. Raema stayed where she was, staring into the flaring ribbons of light that made up the propylon links. Jole's words echoed in her mind, and Dram Bero's, too.
Give the word, and I will set you free.
Your best chance for freedom would be Juraene's downfall.
Another voice, one that hurt to remember. I have already apologized. Will you change your mind if I say it again?
I want to, she thought, swallowing hard. If I thought it would do any good.
She was not a traitor. She had sworn an oath to Assurjan, to serve him and the clan. Whatever else she had done in his service, she had kept her word. She still had that much honor.
But you set free a traitor, said a silent voice. She betrayed him, and you set her free. It's nearly as bad as betraying him yourself.
Would it be that much harder, that much farther of a step, to-
Her nightmare flashed through her mind: Assurjan's death at her hands, the blood spilling slowly from her sword buried in his chest. If she accepted Jole's offer, or Dram's, it would be no different than killing him herself.
He needs someone he can trust, someone loyal, Irarak had said.
I want to be that person for him, she thought. I was, once. It was easier when...
When I thought he might love me back.
Her mind stilled for a moment, as she turned over that thought like a polished stone. Gods help me. I do love him.
And he does not love me. It was no wonder, she realized, that freedom beckoned to her so strongly. It was only after her cure that it had begun to tempt her so. Before then, there had been more than just her oath to hold her to the clan. Where the promise of their growing relationship had once shone, like a beacon leading her forward, now there was nothing. Not so much as a smile or a teasing word given in her direction, and it hurt to be near him. Why shouldn't she long for freedom, when it would take her away from the pain of his indifference, from the knowledge of what might have been?
She ran a hand through her hair, feeling torn in two. She was not a traitor.
But neither did she want to be the Hand any longer.
Her thoughts chased themselves in dizzy circles for a long time, following the swirling light of the propylon links that burned into her eyes. It was nearly noon by the time she made herself get up and go back to her own bed in the stronghold, back to the nightmares that she knew awaited her.
Assurjan paced the length of his library, deep in thought. The last thing he wanted to do was send Raema off to hunt a dangerous rogue vampire with the Redguard, especially now. He'd had an uneasy sort of truce with the hunter since he killed Raxle Berne, but the man had also captured Assurjan himself once, and the Ancient was not inclined to trust him.
On the other hand... her words had hit him deeper than she had guessed. I have a better chance of freedom with the cattle than waiting for you to grant it! And he had known, watching Raema release Silweyn into the night, that it was what he needed to do. It should be Raema in Silweyn's place... not among the cattle, but free. Free to live her life the way she chose.
Free of him.
His fists clenched. I cannot. He did not know where she would go, what she would do... but he knew, with a certainty deeper than his bones, that he would never see her again. The thought of losing her forever, never having her by his side... I do not think I can bear to go back to that dark and weary unlife I led before I found her.
But can you bear the guilt? Asked a small voice inside him. Is it worth having her at your side, when you must force her to be there?
How long will it be until her bitterness outweighs her loyalty?
He drew in a deep breath, let it out slowly. Perhaps it would do Raema- and himself- some good if she spent time away from the clan, before their tempers got the better of them both. It was in Juraene clan's best interests to see that the more powerful rogue vampires were dealt with. If she went to aid the hunter for a few days, and gave him time to think... Perhaps he would be able to reach a decision about her freedom.
With a sinking feeling, he realized he had already made the decision. The only thing left to do was prepare to give her up.
Scowling, he turned toward his bedchamber, where his work on the new spell still awaited him. There would be time enough after sundown to tell her that he would permit the excursion with her Redguard friend. For now, he forced himself to return to the spell, resolving to channel his anger into the work... and refusing to think, for now, about the decision that he knew he must make.
"Fix your feet, girl," Talintus said gruffly.
Raema looked up at her mentor with a tiny smile. The Imperial had been a member of the Legion, before being turned, and he still approached her sword training as he would have taught his new recruits- though, when he remembered to, he tried to show her the respect that was due the Hand of the Ancient. It often led to interesting training, she thought, amused, as she shifted her feet slightly.
At his nod of approval, she resumed the form she was learning, frowning in concentration. Assurjan had shut himself into his bedchamber all day, ostensibly to consider Jole's request. When she had awoken near sunset and he still had not emerged, she'd come down to the room Talintus used for training, hoping to work out some of the adrenaline that had poured through her veins during her most recent nightmare.
Talintus had obliged, and was working her harder than usual; sweat dripped from her skin, stinging her eyes and soaking her shirt, as she struggled to meet his exacting standards.
"Higher," he corrected, reaching out to cautiously grip the blade between thumb and forefinger and shift it upward a hand's breadth. He stepped back and eyed her critically. "No, no. Your balance is off. Lean back a bit."
Since she was facing the doorway, she could see Assurjan over Talintus' shoulder when the Ancient appeared in the entrance. Seeing her gaze shift, her trainer turned to look.
"My lord," he said, stepping away to bow. "What may I-"
"Leave us," Assurjan said curtly, and Talintus obeyed, casting a concerned glance Raema's way before slipping out the door. Raema lowered the sword and relaxed her stance, eying Assurjan.
"It has been a long time, has it not?" he asked, nodding toward her sword. The first and last time they had sparred each other was before she had been officially named as his Hand. It still made her smile when she thought of it, remembering how easily he had defeated her.
"Yes..." As she watched, he came into the room and took a sword from the rack nearby. He still moved with the dangerous ease of a predator; she had become so used to it that she hardly noticed it. Now that he had a weapon in his hand, however, that danger was frighteningly obvious. Instinctively, she gripped her own sword tighter, shifting her balance to be better prepared for an attack.
He noticed it, and she saw the corner of his mouth quirk up in a ghost of a smile.
"Come," he said, raising his weapon to the ready.
Raema did not hesitate, darting forward, sword coming up in a wide arc for a downward strike. He evaded it easily, bringing his own weapon forward in a counterattack that she had been expecting; she blocked it smoothly. The momentum of the exchange carried her past him, and they found themselves having traded places, still eying each other.
The last time, he had goaded her into fighting, had provoked an angry reaction to get her to fight back. This time, he needed to say nothing; everything that could be said had already been voiced. It was the unspoken words that fueled her anger, this time. The two darted at each other, blades clashing loudly, and furiously fast. Raema found herself easily holding her own, and a distant part of her mind was elated when she realized how far she had come. Once, she would have had to push herself hard to fight this well; now, it seemed as natural as breathing. Inspired by the thought, she pressed the attack, forcing Assurjan on the defensive. He let her do it for a few moments before taking the offensive again.
It went on for a long time, the both of them trading blows and escalating their intensity, little by little. It felt... wonderful, she realized with surprise. Tension that had been building between them for months found release with every clash of their swords. There were moments when Raema could forget the anger that had seethed between them only hours ago, and she found herself nearly grinning at the exhilaration of the fight.
Absently, Raema noted that a silent crowd had formed outside the room; the vampires had come to watch their Ancient and his Hand fight. It would have made her nervous, if she had not been concentrating so thoroughly on the duel. Assurjan watched her as intently as a kagouti fixed on its prey, eyes locked onto hers. At some point, Raema was shocked to realize that sweat had begun to gleam on him... She was pushing him harder than she had realized, though he gave no other outward sign of it.
More, she thought to herself, forcing him back with a flurry of vicious strikes that he was hard-pressed to avoid. It was hardly a realistic fight, of course- he had the sorcerer's skills to kill her where she stood, if he wanted to- but if there was a chance she might actually besthim in swordplay, she was bloody well going to take it.
The fight went on, and on. The stone floor became treacherously slick with sweat under her boots, and her breath came hard and fast, her arms burning with the effort of wielding the sword. By the look on Assurjan's face, he was exerting himself just as much as she was, but she was growing too tired to appreciate that fact. It took a few more long, interminable minutes before she realized what it meant: they were equally matched. Once, she would have given anything for that to be true; now, she was caught in a new dilemma.
The watching eyes of Juraene clan's vampires bored into her back as she circled the room warily, watching his steps for clues to his next move. The vampires had come to watch their Ancient and his Hand, and had gotten quite a show... but now Raema was unsure how to end it. It was obvious that until she tired, they could go on indefinitely.
But she knew, catching a glimpse of their audience, that the vampires needed to see their Ancient win. They needed to know that he could, that he would, that he wasn't being eclipsed by her. And yet, if they saw her allow him to win, he would lose their respect to a far worse degree. Trying to think quickly, she launched a new attack, wondering how she might be able to let him win without being obvious, without sending Juraene clan tipping over that precipice that he had talked about. Maybe, if she pretended to slip, and then-
In a move she didn't anticipate, Assurjan suddenly whirled, somehow spinning away from her and yet ending right beside her, inside her guard, driving an elbow backward into her midsection. Before she could get away, he twisted, caught her arm quick as lightning, and swept her foot from underneath her, forcing her face-first to the ground. Seized by a sudden panic, forgetting it was not a true fight, she let her sword-hand, still free, slap palm-down against the stone floor with a clang. She spun the weapon against the floor, reversing her grip, and stabbed up and back, knowing that the sword's length should allow her to reach-
"Enough," Assurjan said, shifting his weight to avoid her blind strike and catch her wrist in his free hand. The motion put more pressure on the arm he already held twisted, making her gasp. She froze, blood pounding in her ears.
The vampire moved, holding her immobile and bending over her, a dark presence in her peripheral vision. In a voice pitched low and dangerous, he said, "Do not underestimate me, Raema."
Dripping with the sweat of exertion, she went cold at his words. Did he know about Dram, or about Jole's offer? He can't possibly... can he? Bloody Oblivion... Breathless, she nodded, as best as she could while pressed against the stone floor.
With fluid grace, he let her go and stepped away. Raema got slowly to her feet, watching him return his sword to the rack of weapons. He shot a glare at toward the crowd of vampires at the door, and they began to disperse, murmuring among themselves. When Assurjan turned back to her, he was just as calm-faced as ever. Only the faint sheen of sweat on his dark skin hinted that they had been locked in combat moments before.
"Calvario is a threat to Juraene clan, one that I wish removed," he said quietly. "You may go and assist the Redguard in hunting him. Take any provisions you need."
Raema blinked in surprise. "As you wish, my lord." She moved past him to put her own practice sword away, and he caught her arm in an iron grip, stopping her in her tracks. She looked up at him, startled- and more than a little flustered by the touch of his hand on her skin.
He held her gaze a bit longer. "I will speak to you when you return," he said finally. For an instant, his expression flickered from neutral to something softer, then back again just as quickly. "Be careful, Raema."
She managed a smile, hoping it covered the way her heartbeat stumbled over itself, the way she very nearly dropped her sword. "I'm always careful, my lord."
He raised a skeptical brow, and she suddenly wanted to giggle. For a heartbeat, it was as if nothing had ever changed between them. She could almost hear him say, with a teasing note of disbelief in his voice, Oh, indeed?
The moment passed, and he released her arm, turning to go. She was left standing in the chamber alone, wondering if she had only imagined that flicker in his expression.