AN: I apologize for the delay. I deleted the chapter three I had previously posted and changed it up so while the beginning is similar to what you guys may have read before, the ending is different. Thanks a million to all those who read, reviewed, favourited or followed. It really means a lot to me when I see that alert in my mailbox.

School is being a pain, I think I underestimated everyone when they said 6th form would be hard. But alas, I'm still swimming, haven't drowned yet. That being said, I'm not sure when I will be able to update but I'll try my best to get it out as fast as possible. I'm also working on another one-shot, if you haven't checked out my previous ones, please read and leave a review.

I don't own Chuck. :(

Hope you guys enjoy.

"Hi" was the only word Sarah said she entered her home. She had seen Mary's car in the driveway and for a fleeting moment thought Casey had called her over to help him out with CJ but then remembered that Mary had been in Washington for the past two and a half weeks. Sarah immediately scanned the room for her baby and a small smile came to her face when she saw he was resting on his grandmother's shoulder but obviously fighting sleep. She then looked around the living room and saw that it was relatively clean and saw that everything was as she had left it; Casey had done a good job while watching his godson. Initially, she had felt a bit guilty for leaving Casey alone with the baby, considering how uncomfortable he could get around children in general; but she had needed some time to herself and Chuck was due home soon.

"Hi" the other adults responded. Sarah could feel their eyes on her as she made her way to kitchen. She proceeded to move to the fridge and took out a bottle of water. In the living room, Chuck looked at Casey with a worried expression echoed in his face while Mary posed a question to each of them with her eyes. Casey just grunted and inclined his head to the kitchen, suggesting that he should just follow Sarah.

He found Sarah sitting at the dining table sipping her water. Chuck pulled out a chair and sat next to his wife. "Hey" Chuck started. Sarah's only response was to glance up at him and offer a weak smile. "Honey, would you like to explain to me why you left the baby with Casey?"

"Chuck, I just needed some time to myself. Ok?"

Chuck looked at her carefully, studying her everything about her. She sounded tired, her hair was in a messy bun, her shoulders were hunched, and were those tear stains on her cheeks? He immediately felt like kicking himself as he realized how much stress his wife must be under and he hanp done next to nothing to help her out.

"Where did you go?"

"For a walk." was her simple answer. " I just needed to get away" she continued.

He reached out his hand to touch her, to let her know that he was there for her and that she could tell him what was going on in her mind. He was glad that she didn't flinch as he placed his left hand over hers.

"I can't do this" she whispered; so softly that Chuck barely heard her. "I'm not a good mother" Sarah complained as she held back a sob.

"What are you talking about? You're a great mom!" Chuck exclaimed. He believed she was doing a great job in raising their son. If anything, he was the one being a lousy parent and needed to concentrate more energy towards his family.

"I can't do anything right!" she wailed, she saw Chuck was about to say something again and cut him off; "and don't you dare try to tell me about what a wonderful mother I am! " she practically shouted as she rose from her chair. "You're hardly here!" she exclaimed "you don't know what it's like when you're not home. He cries all the time (maybe that was a bit of an exaggeration) and whenever you do decide to show up he's happy and cooing all the time. I don't think he loves me." Sarah tried in vain to blink back the tears in her eyes that had appeared during her speech. Even John Casey; retired marine seemed to be able to care for her child better than she could!

She looked at Chuck who was still rooted in the chair. He had a pained expression etched on his face and before he could reply, the sound of their wailing child filled the house. Sarah shaked her head, she should have gotten used to this by now. She was about to make her way to the nursery when she met Mary on the stairs. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

Sarah sighed. CJ was still crying. " Mary I don't have the time right now, I've gotta go check in CJ and after that I just need some sleep."

"I know." she glanced behind Sarah and saw Chuck coming out of the kitchen "But I'm sure Chuck wouldn't mind giving CJ his bottle so you and I can chat for a bit." Mary continued leaving little room for arguments. Sarah nodded and made her way back into the kitchen, casting a brief glance towards Chuck.

"Let me talk to her ok?"

Chuck looked at his mother, she probably could relate to Sarah. But still, he wanted to apologize to Sarah for not being there and make sure she knew it wouldn't happen again.

Mary could see the uncertainty in his eyes. "Trust me on this." she told him and placed the warm bottle if milk into his hands.

"Ok," and with that, he made his way up the stairs and to satisfy his son's appetite.

Mary entered the kitchen and saw her daughter-in-law sitting at the table, with the bottle of water in front of her. She mentally sighed. She knew exactly what Sarah was going through and sympathized with her. Hopefully, she could help Sarah and Chcuk get through this.

"Mind if I take a seat?" Mary asked her.

Sarah didn't turn around to look her and kept her focus in her clasped hands on the table in front of her. Mary heard her sniffle a sob before she gestured to the chair next to her. Looking at Sarah, Mary's heart ached . Motherhood certainly wasn't an easy job and unfortunately, Sarah, like her learnt that all too soon. As a spy, you were hardened, you were taught to bury your emotions. Emotions got you killed. And that's what Mary and Sarah had done. They became cold, calculated and when it was necessary they were ruthless. They were the Frost Queen and the Ice Queen. Thankfully, they both found a saving grace in their husbands. During the time that Sarah and Mary had spent together, she realized that they had so much in common and she had come to love her like a daughter. She had helped Sarah during the Volkoff mission when she felt like she was losing herself, Sarah had assured her that they would get out of there alive. And they had. They had formed a connection and although there were times when the tension between the two could be cut with a knife when concerning a mission, Mary knew that she was the right girl for Chuck. Now it was time to help Sarah see that she wasn't alone in this.

"Sarah" Mary started, taking Sarah's hands in hers "I know the last couple of months have been hard for you."

Sarah gave her a sarcastic laugh. "Hard?" she replied "Try a freaking nightmare!" she yelled at Mary, pulling her hands from Mary's grasp. She hopped to her feet and began pacing. "Hard would have been when I took down that terrorist organization in Québec or that mission to Peru when I worked with that treacherous scumbag Laurent and was held captive for seven weeks until I found a way out and Carina helped with the extraction when all hell broke loose . But this..." she trailed off, her voice breaking.

Mary was on her feet now and grabbed Sarah by her hands. She had to get the situation under control. "Sarah" she cried "Sarah, look at me!" she commanded. Mary framed Sarah's face with her hands, forcing her to look into the older woman's eyes. Mary saw the fear, sadness and desperation in her daughter's eyes. "You're going to be OK." she told her "You'll be fine. We'll get through this together. OK?" Sarah nodded and Mary was glad to find that she didn't put up any resistance as she led her to reclaim her seat at the island. Mary pulled her chair closer to Sarah's before sitting. She looked at the young woman before her, and saw herself thirty-six years ago. Scared. Exhausted. And lost. So very lost.

She took Sarah's hands into hers again. "Sarah do you know how I know that you're going to make it?"

Sarah shook her head no. Because she had no idea how she was going to do that. At the moment, she didn't possess that strength.

"Because I went through the exact same thing that you are. I think we might have more in common than we realized." Mary saw that Sarah was listening and this gave her a new set of confidence. " When I got pregnant with Ellie I was scared. And I think that might be an understatement. I didn't know a thing about being a mother! But there I was, a new life growing in me, one that would depend on me for love, protection, security, shelter...everything. And she was going to be there soon so I tried my best to be prepared for the day that she was born. I was taken off of active field duty, and the agency just had me reviewing files. But in that time, I read every baby book I could find, all the "What to Expect.." guides written by the experts. "

Sarah smiled, that was exactly what she had done.

"But when Ellie was born, I felt like a fish out of the water. I was so scared to hold her, afraid that I might drop her, and when I gave her her first bath, I was terrified she would drown. The first couple of months after we brought her home were rough. I realised that Ellie was going to have a very strong personality. She was very vociferous, and she cried so often, I felt like nothing I did made her happy." Mary took a deep breath before continuing. "And it didn't help that the Agency had Stephen working on a number of projects so he often had to fly out to D.C and even when he was home..." Mary trailed off and Sarah looked at her, realizing that this trip down memory lane had stirred up a lot of emotions for her mother- in-law. "I became so overwhelmed that one day before Stephen had woken up I took off. I didn't leave a note or anything, all I needed was to be far, far away." she sighed. "So I got in my car and just drove, as far as my car could go without stopping for gas. And when I did run out, I was near a retirement home. As I drew closer, this old lady beckoned me to come to her. So I went and I say with her, and we introduced ourselves to each other; her name was Claire and then she asked me if I was ok. And I was so shocked that a woman that I had just meant was concerned about me. So I told her about how I was failing as a mother and that I had practically just ran away form my month-old daughter. I expected her to judge me harshly and tell me I was being selfish and a terrible mother but she didn't. She told me that motherhood wasn't easy and she should know because she had raised eight children."

Mary smiled at the memory. "She gave me some very invaluable advice and in her opinion, the most important thing was having a strong support system and taking some time for myself so I wouldn't go completely insane. By the time we were finished talking, I realised how much I missed Ellie and I felt horrible for leaving the, without leaving a notice. So we exchanged contact info and she promised to be there whenever I needed someone to talk to."

"I took the first cab home, without even thinking about my car. When I got home, Stephen was holding Ellie in one hams, his fingers flying over the computer. I think he was in the process if tracking me down. When I made my presence known, he looked at me, his eyes wild and searching for any sing a if injury, I finally convinced him that I was fine and I took Claire's advice. I told Stephen how alone I felt and the lack of connection I felt between me and Ellie. I thunk he too realised that he wasn't being an active father as he should have been and we came up with a system if sorts, a way to help us navigate through parenthood a bit better. And althoughin our own ways, we failed at being parents I'm telling you this because I love you and I want to help you."

"Raising a child isn't easy. But I want you to know that you e got a strong support system." Mary told her.

Sarah shook her head again. She now put no further restraint on her tears; her breath was stifled by sobs. "I can't."

"Yes you can. Sarah look at me." Sarah glanced at Mary. "You can do this. You have your entire family behind you. You've got Chuck and I know that he hasn't been around as he should have been but I think he realized how grave an error it was and he genuinely wants to make it up to you. And you've got me, and your mom, Ellie, Devon, even Casey, Morgan and Alex. You are surrounded by people who love you, and we are here for you. "

"I don't mean to replace your mother but I hope you know that you can come to me about anything. And I'm sure Ellie feels the same way, even though it may be hard to believe, she and Devon experienced some trouble with Clara. Everyone experienced different challenges when they become parents. But it's important to remember that you are not alone."

"Thank you." Sarah told her, a small smile gracing her lips.

"You're welcome my dear. You're stronger than you think." Glancing at her watch Mary continued, " I've got to get going but I'll see you later and call me if you need anything."

She rose from her chair and kissed Sarah on her forehead. Telling her bye, Mary then left. Sarah took a deep breath. Mary's experience was an eye opener for her. Maybe she could survive this. Taking a gulp of her water, Sarah made up in her mind that she COULD do this. She would try her hardest to be the best mother she could be. She and Chuck certainly had some issues to discuss but right now, she was exhausted and in need of some sleep.

Thoughts? Loved it? Liked it! Hated it? Please leave a review. Thanks.

Until next time, stay safe.

~with love from Barbados.