A/N#1: Hi guys, I am EXTREMELY sorry for the long break in between these updates. It's been a couple months, but school was demanding, so this story unfortunately was put on the back burner. Again, I apologize for the delay.

My summer vacation has started, and I hope it's filled with lots of sunshine even though our rainy season started on June 1st. I already have the rest of the story mapped out in my mind, so it's just a matter of putting finger to tablet and adding flesh to the plot. I'll try not to have you guys waiting too long.

Feel free to check out any of my other stories and leave a review please.

My usual beta was tied up with school also, so all mistakes are mine. I'm trying to get back in to the feel of this story, after having it in hiatus for so long, so I hope you guys enjoy this installment.

One reviewer said Sarah seemed OCC, I know most fans probably think Sarah would be a great mother and I agree, but as a writer, I wanted to tell a different story. What if she couldn't cope with it as first? What if Chuck isn't pulling his weight? I have a younger brother that's two, and sometimes babysitting him is overwhelming, so for a government operative, a crying baby could be overwhelming too, or at least in this story it is. So yea, I know it's a bit different, but thanks anyway for giving it, (and me) a chance.

ONE LAST THING BEFORE YOU GET TO THE STORY:

ZACHARY LEVI GOT MARRIED! Eppppppp! YES, THAT IS THE SOUND OF MY HEART BREAKING...Ahhhhhhhh... *sniff* *sniff* Congrats to the happy couple.

When Sarah went upstairs, she first checked on the baby, and was relieved that he had fallen asleep. She was tired, but seeing him lying on his back in his crib so peacefully made her feel a bit more at ease and she took comfort in the fact that he was safe. Sarah watched him for a while, watching his chest rise and fall as he breathed.

A lot of persons said there was nothing like a mother's love and from the time CJ had been placed in her arms, she had finally understood what it meant. Her love for him, was fierce, much like that which she had for Chuck, possibly even more so. There was also a protectiveness that reached out to claim him, to shield him from all evil in the world. That's why her struggle with adjusting to motherhood had infuriated her. She hated the dejection, the hopelessness and feeling of not being good enough. Sarah Walker had prided herself in being one of the top agents in the CIA and that title had come as a result of her being called cold-hearted, sometimes ruthless, focused and very talented. If there was one thing Agent Walker hated, it was failure. And Sarah Bartowski certainly wasn't about to concede defeat and accept that she was a failure as a mother. Mary's pep talk had shown her that she wasn't the only mother to feel the way she did sometimes, and that gave her a bit of confidence, but it didn't negate the fact that she felt alone and that Chuck wasn't around as much as he should've been. She was angry with him, furious even, and also disappointed. She needed him. They were supposed to be in this together.

Sarah ran a hand down CJ's body and then picked him up, letting him rest against her shoulder. CJ stirred a bit at the movement and opened his eyes, but soon nestled into the crook of his mother's neck, his breath slightly tickling Sarah. At his last doctor's appointment, his pediatrician had told her that he had gained a lot of weight but it wasn't too much that the should be concerned about. Sarah had read far too many articles about early childhood obesity and she didn't want CJ to fall victim to that. The warmth from his body and his solid nature comforted Sarah, providing a bit of validation that at least she was doing at least one thing right- feeding him properly - her breast milk was rich enough to fight off infection and help him grow. Sarah walked around the nursery with her son safely in her arms.

"Oh my baby, Mommy loves you so much, just bear with me ok? Mommy's still trying to figure this all out. Just be patient with me." Sarah said and kissed him on his forehead. "I promise you, I'll take really good care of you, I won't let you down."

She then sat down with him in the rocking chair, cradling him in her lap. CJ looked up at her, his brown eyes still heavy with sleep. Sarah smiled at him, and he gurgled back, wrapping his tiny fingers around Sarah's finger and which made her smile.

"You're getting to be such a big boy." Sarah cooed to him. "Yes you are. Yes you are." she said bumping her nose with his. 'And if your Daddy isn't careful, he's gonna miss out' she thought to herself.

She then began to sing the lullaby she had sung to Molly, and he began to drift back off to sleep. By the time Sarah had finished, he was asleep. She had read that some child psychologist said it was a bad idea to let the child fall asleep in the parent's arms; proposing self soothing as a better alternative, but at that moment, she didn't care. As long as her baby boy was happy, she'd be OK. Looking at him, Sarah felt her heart swell with up in the CIA, she'd realized that with her work, children had no place in her life and after she had rescued Molly, it became apparent. Besides, she had so much blood on her hands, how could she possibly be responsible for nurturing an innocent child. Yet, here she was, and even though parenthood had been rough on her so far, she had faith that it would get better, she would adjust eventually, and it'd be worth it.

He was a product of her and Chucks love for each other, and she wanted him to be happy and to have a good upbringing… To have a better childhood than hers, one which was filled with happiness and a loving family and stability…After placing one last kiss on his forehead, Sarah rose from the rocking chair and laid him back down into his crib.

Today had been a long day, so she intended on taking a shower, then eating a late dinner and finally catching some shut eye before CJ got up again for his feeding.

-/o/-

Sarah entered the master bedroom she shared with Chuck and noticed that the adjoining bathroom door was slightly ajar. Peeping inside, she saw Chuck had just finished filling the bathtub with warm water and was turning the tap off. After dropping some of her favourite bath salts in the tub, he knelt and tested the water. Deeming it suitable, Chuck took to his feet.

He was still backing her, so Sarah cleared her throat to make him aware of her presence. Hearing the noise, Chuck turned on his heel, startled to see her standing there. He stared at her for a moment, focusing on her face. He knew that she'd been crying, and her eyes were still slightly puffy and red, but he figured that her tiredness also played a factor. Shifting slightly on his feet Chuck greeted her. "Hey"

"Hi" she replied, her voice soft and a bit subdued.

Chuck scratched the back of his head, a distinct tell he had when he was nervous or uncertain of what to do. He knew they had to talk but he had no idea how to start that conversation with Sarah but the problem they currently faced was so glaring, there was no way they couldn't not have the conversation. Sarah was now looking at him expectantly. "I- uh I made you a bubble bath."

In return, he received a small smile. "Thank you."

"No problem." Chuck told her with sincerity. There was nothing he wouldn't do for her, for them, for their family. He hoped she knew that but then again, he hadn't been around as much as either of them would have liked, so it would seem to be the opposite. Now it was his job to make sure that she knew he would be there for them and that she could count on him.

Chuck shifted on his feet as she undressed in front of him. Sarah wasn't making a show of it, but Chuck couldn't help but stare at her as she stripped her clothes, leaving them in a pile on the floor. Even though his wife was still the most beautiful woman in the world to him, sex was the furthest thing from his mind at the moment, besides they were both tired and they had more pressing issues to now, he had to fix the mess that they were in. He had to let her know how sorry he was, and he would promise that nothing would ever take priority over his family. That was one promise he would try his damnedest to keep. Nothing was more important than his family and he would have to prove that to her.

Sarah stepped into the tub and noticed that Chuck was still staring at her, but his mind seemed galaxies away. He finally Snapped out of his stupor and stopped staring, a blush making its way up his neck and cheeks. "Sorry. Sorry." He apologized "I didn't mean to stare. I'm just gonna -" he continued, jerking his thumb towards the door; indicating that he was going to leave the room.

"No!" Sarah exclaimed. "Don't leave me please." Her voice nearly above a whisper. His eyes met hers and Chuck saw the sadness in her eyes. "It's been a while since we've been alone. Just keep me company for a bit. That's all."

"Stay." was all she said after noticing his hesitation, her eyes also pleading.. Chuck nodded and took a seat in the edge of the bathtub, contemplating whether to begin their talk now. No time like the present.

He glanced at Sarah, she had her eyes closed and a small smile on her face as the warm water caressed her body. Her muscles released some of the tension that they had been holding in for a while now and Sarah sighed contentedly at the sensation.

"Sarah?" Chuck said to get her attention. She slowly opened her eyes, and looked at Chuck.

"Mhhhmmm?"

"We do need to talk."

Sarah sighed, "Chuck, I know that. But can we please do this a bit later. Right now this water feels so good, and I just want to relax for a couple of minutes. Please? Is that OK with you?"

Chuck nodded, "Um yea, that's fine."

"Wanna rub my back?" Sarah asked him handing Chuck her purple loofa.

After closing the bedroom door behind him, Chuck leant against it, resisting the urge to bang his head against it until he lost consciousness. He had messed up, he had messed up big time.

"Damn it!" He cursed himself. This was not how he expected their foray into parenthood would be, and he was largely at fault.

/

An hour earlier…..

When Mary gave Chuck CJ's bottle, he went up into the nursery and sat down with him in the one seater couch facing the window. Even though the lighting in the room was set to dim Chuck could clearly see his son's face. His brown curls were awry, and his eyelids were droopy with sleep. Looking at him, Chuck realized that his son was growing so fast, and he didn't want to miss out; he wouldn't miss out on anything important. He'd be there for his son and for Sarah.

Although he drunk the entire bottle, and was constantly rubbing his eyes and yawning, CJ refused to go to sleep and began to get fussy. Chuck had then checked his pamper, and tried rubbing soothing circles on his back. Still CJ had continued to whimper, and Chuck found himself at a loss as to what to. He finally decided to sit in the rocking chair and then began singing to him. As his melodious voice filled the room, the sounds of Hush Little Baby wrapping father and son into their own private cocoon, Chuck made up in his mind that he wasn't going to miss out on his son's life, he would be there for both him and Sarah when they needed him.

/

Present time...

Chuck went back into CJ's nursery, ensuring his son was properly covered by his favourite blanket which Emma had knitted for him. . Everyone said that he was a carbon copy of Chuck, but there was no doubt in Chuck's mind that he had Sarah's smile. Looking at his son sleeping peacefully totally oblivious to the underlying tension between his parents, a small smile on his face, Chuck couldn't resist the urge to smile too and then placed a kiss on his son's head.

After making sure the monitor was activated and that the lighting was set appropriately, Chuck left the room, leaving the door slightly open, it's lighting casting a shadow in the darkened hallway.

The first thing Chuck did when he got downstairs was to head to the kitchen, intending to wash out CJ's bottle and place it in the sterilizer. It was nearing ten o' clock, so he expected him to be up again in about another four hours. Sarah already had milk stored in the fridge, so when he did wake up, he could prepare a bottle and perform the early morning feed, thus allowing Sarah to get some sleep which she desperately needed.

Hearing the doorbell ring, Chuck went to answer it, wondering who it could be.

"Casey? What are you doing back here?" Chuck asked after he opened the front door and came face to face with the burly man.

Casey shifted on his feet before answering. "I brought you and Walker some food… I remember when she left she said she hadn't eaten in a while, and that can't be healthy so I brought this over. You know, just in case you guys were hungry." He then held up an eco-friendly reusable shopping bag.

Chuck looked at Casey, gratitude on his face. Truth be told, he was feeling a bit hungry. Usually, he would have made a joke about Casey being a Sugar Bear or having a soft spot for him and Sarah, but he decided a thank you was enough. When they had first met he had been scared of the government issued robot, but now, Casey was part of his family, and he was extremely thankful for that. Sure he liked to rib them about their lady feelings and hated when they were affectionate, or at least pretended to be disgusted, , but he was also fiercely loyal and caring, Chuck couldn't ask for a better friend. "Thank you very much Casey." Chuck said and took the proffered bag.

"Don't mention it. Gertrude is really taking those cooking lessons from Ellie and Alex to heart. After seven months of teaching she's happy that she won't give anyone food poisoning unintentionally, so she wanted to show off." Casey said. Chuck chuckled slightly at that, who would've thought? Gertrude Verbanski would ever be found in a kitchen making dinner.

"Listen Chuck," Casey started his voice carrying less of it's usual gruffness, "I remember telling you that all you needed is the girl, and that's true, but when you've got the girl, you've still got to show her that you appreciate her, that you'll stand by her. You've got to be her partner in every aspect, you should be someone that she can fall back on. Walker's been having a bit of a challenge coping with the baby, and you need to be there for her. Sarah deserves that Chuck, and you better pick your pants up, and do it real quick. I mean, I don't think Walker would leave you, she's too love-sick for that, but Chuck, you've gotta spend more time with them. I know you're excited about the company, and I'm happy for you, believe me, I am, but Sarah and CJ have got to come first. Don't be like me Chuck, don't put your job before your family."

Chuck nodded, taking what Casey said to heart. It wasn't often that Casey openly allowed persons to see the cracks in his normal hardened exterior, cracks which had developed during his stay in Burbank, nor was it often that he talked that much, unless of course he was referring to Ronald Reagan or his gun collection.

"I know Casey, I know." Chuck assured him.

Casey grunted, and patted Chuck on his back, " You just make sure Walker's OK. I'll see you later." And then he turned to leave.

'Hey Casey!" Chuck shouted before he got into his Crown Vic "Thanks again. For everything."

Casey only nodded as he got into the car and drove off. Chuck knew Casey wasn't too keen on expressing 'lady feelings' but the truth was that he saw Sarah as the little sister he never had and the moron had messed up. But Chuck seemed to have wizened up, so he was just helping them out.

There was no denying that they were more than partners, that line had been blurred a long time ago. He'd been a groomsman at their wedding, he had risked his life for them and his career on many occasions, and would do so again, because the simple truth was that they were also more than his friends, they were a family. He knew Chuck and Sarah would have to resolve this issue on their own, but he had still wanted to help them. Hence when he'd gone home and found Gertrude cooking up a storm, he'd decided to Bring some to the Bartowskis. Sarah had become like a little sister to Casey, which is why it had bothered him to see her so frazzled earlier. Thankfully, Chuck had seen the error in his way, so Casey had faith that they could get through this., and everything would be alright, especially since the entire family would be there as support.

/

They had eaten dinner together, but the conversation was mostly focused on how much Gertrude's culinary skills had improved, and how wonderful the ,meal, which consisted of sweet potato pie, baked chicken, tossed salad, rice and black-eyed peas and pecan pie as dessert was. The dishes were already loaded in the dishwasher, when Chuck decided they should talk.

He sat down at the dining table and motioned for Sarah to do the same. "Sarah," he started " I know I haven't been around as much as I should have been for the past couple of weeks. And I know you probably feel like you're all alone and I hate myself for making you feel that way. I never wanted you to know what it's like to be in a relationship but to still feel alone. I love you, and I want you to know that I am here for you and that you can count on me." He huffed and rose out of his chair. "I realized that I've been too focused on work; I guess the excitement of finally attaining my goal having my own successful software company after so many years just -" He stopped his rambling; he didn't want Sarah to think he was making excuses, because honestly, any excuse he could come up with wouldn't be good enough. "I'm sorry. I won't ever let you feel so alone again."

He then made his way towards her and kneeled beside her. " I love you and I really am sorry." He whispered in her ear.

"I love you too Chuck. I just thought I would be better at this." She added with a sad smile.

Chuck kissed her temple and then looked directly in her eyes. " Sarah Bartowski! You can do anything. And please believe me when I say this; you are doing a great job so far. Our son is healthy and he's happy and most of that credit goes to you, I'm very proud of you." He said and Sarah could clearly see the love and adoration in his chocolate brown eyes.

She smiled this time, a real smile which actually reached her eyes. "Do you really believe that?" she asked; to which Chuck nodded yes in response, and said "Absolutely." with a warm sense of sincerity in his voice.

"Thank you." She said.

Chuck leaned in to give her a kiss on the lips, but she pulled away. Chuck looked at her confused, "is something wrong?" He asked her.

"Chuck, Karen Marie Moning said, 'Words can be twisted into any shape. Promises can be made to lull the heart and seduce the soul. In the final analysis, words mean nothing. ' So you saying all this, that you're sorry, and that you'll be here for me, it's pointless unless you actually do something. Chuck, I can't do this alone. I know I'm strong, but I'm not that strong Chuck. I can't raise him on my own. I need you here, CJ needs you here. We're your family Chuck, and it isn't fair to him of me you being an absentee father. You and I both know what it's like to basically grow up without your parents actually being there for you, especially when you need them the most. That's not gonna be the case with CJ or any other future children we might have, we agreed that that wouldn't be the case."

Chuck nodded in understanding.

"And I'm not going to apologize for lashing out at you earlier. I know I was a bit harsh maybe, but Chuck I was furious and still am a little angry. You needed to know how I was feeling, so I had to say it."

Sarah's explosion in the kitchen and now this speech had really made him evaluate his behaviour since CJ had been born. He didn't want to be the kind of father who was always coming home late from work, who missed their child's first steps or football games or recitals because they were too caught up with work. He knew what it was like, growing up with one parent, and eventually with none. It had sucked and he didn't want that for his children, he wouldn't be the kind of man who was a father only because certain parts of his anatomy had helped to create a new life. And he wouldn't be the kind of husband who never had time for his wife, he would make sure he spent every moment he could with her, letting her know how much she meant to him, how much he appreciated and cherished her, how much he loved her.

"I know that Sarah. I got my priorities confused. But I want to make things right. Our family is my number one priority. You know family has always been important to me, and I swear to you, you will never feel alone again. I'll always be here for you, and for CJ." Chuck said solemnly.

Sarah nodded, hoping, and mostly confident that Chuck would keep his word.

"Forgive me?" Chuck asked. Sarah didn't answer him vocally, but instead pulled him in for a kiss.

/

A/N #2: Thanks so much for reading. Please leave a review; feel free to tell me what you did or didn't like about this chapter etc…. Your feedback is the only way I know if you're enjoying the story and it is greatly appreciated.

Until next time, stay safe and be happy.

~xoxo Bg.