Author's note: This is another particularly M-rated chapter. Thank you again to everyone who has been reading/reviewing!

Blood and Choice

Chapter 11

Raema noticed the taste in her mouth, first; the metallic taste of old blood, under the spoiled-sweet taste of an old potion. Grimacing, she forced her eyes to open, and found herself staring up at a ceiling of cured guarhide, hung with bunches of dried plants. She sat up stiffly, groaning at the way her muscles protested the movement.

Once upright, she gave a start, realizing that Assurjan was sitting beside her, cross-legged and straight-backed, watching her.

"How do you feel?" He asked quietly.

She frowned, thinking about the question. She could not remember where they were, or how they had gotten there, or-

"Oh, gods..." she breathed, horrified, as it came back in a rush: Volrina Quarra, and Calvario, and his ugly smile, and his hands on her, his body weighing her down. She began to shudder uncontrollably, remembering what he had taken from her... blood, and more.

Assurjan reached for her, and she flinched away before she realized what she was doing. He froze; a hurt look flickered across his face and was gone in an instant. No... Assurjan was there, he came for me. The shock of that thought cut through her horror, and she thought it again, wonderingly. Assurjan came to save me.

She threw her arms around his chest. He embraced her, and stroked her hair wordlessly while she shook with silent sobs.

When she had regained control, she lifted her head, gazing at him. He was watching her with a sad look in his eyes that reminded her of her nightmare... only this time the sadness was for her. She swallowed and looked away awkwardly, unsure how to accept that emotion in his eyes.

"How did you know..." she asked, to fill the silence, and then another thought struck her like a lightning bolt. "Gods! Where's Jole?"

The Ancient seemed to be keeping his expression carefully blank. "The Redguard came to me after Quarra let him go. He told me what happened to the two of you."

Raema frowned in confusion. "I don't remember what happened after she hit me," she admitted. "I awoke, and Calvario-" her voice broke, and she stopped.

Assurjan explained what he knew in a low voice. "And there is more," he added, after he recounted Jole's arrival at Telasero. "I had thought that Quarra took you to draw me into a trap... but the trap was for the clan. Irarak has betrayed me, and Quarra led a force to attack the stronghold in my absence."

"What?" Raema exclaimed, sitting bolt upright.

Grimly, he explained what Irarak had told him the night before. "I do not know what we shall find when we return to Telasero," he finished. "But I dare not hope for too much."

Raema sat silently, still in shock over what he had told her. He knew they were in danger, she thought, amazed. And he still came for me. He left them behind, and came for me. She was unsure how she felt about that. "I am sorry, my lord," she whispered. "That you had to leave them-"

"I do not regret my choice," he said, meeting her gaze evenly. "Do not dwell on it, Raema."

She bit her lip, and nodded. Glancing toward the yurt's entrance, she could see the thin lines of sunlight that crept in around the tent flap. They were the rich, reddish-gold of early evening. "We should leave as soon night falls," she suggested, and suddenly noticed that she still wore nothing but the Ancient's black cloak. On the heels of that thought came the realization that she felt absolutely filthy.

Assurjan seemed to read her thoughts, and waved a hand at an open chest across the yurt. "There is clothing there, and we are not far from the shore, if you wish to bathe. We have some time yet before sundown."

"All right." Raema stood, holding the cloak about herself awkwardly with one hand while she went to look through the chest with the other. Its contents were jumbled messily together, as if bandits had already searched through for anything of value. Exasperated, she gathered up an armful without inspecting it, and ducked out of the yurt.

Sunset was not far off; the shadows stretched out before her, reaching for the shore. She carried her bundle of clothing toward the beach, still feeling a bit unsteady. The water called to her, and suddenly she wanted nothing more than to immerse herself, scrub away the filth that she could feel on every inch of her skin. Dropping the clothes, she shrugged out of Assurjan's cloak and hurried to the water.

She stopped at the water's edge, letting the foam lap at her toes. Wavering atop the water, her reflection seemed pale and haunted. Bruises, looking a week old after the healing potion, marred her cheek, her throat, her breasts, her thighs. Old blood still stained her lips and chin, giving her a savage appearance; remembering sinking her teeth into Calvario's neck, Raema shuddered. She waded into the water, unwilling to look at that reflection any longer.

The water was shockingly cold around her ankles; she gasped at it, but forged ahead determinedly, until she stood waist-deep. She ducked her head under and came up sputtering at the cold, rubbing at her face. She stayed in the water as long as she could stand it, scrubbing herself until her legs began to tingle and go numb. The sun was nearly fully below the horizon, by then. She made her way back to shore and crouched, dripping, to search through the pile of clothing.

Most of it was Ashlander garb, traditional clothing that would probably get her killed for wearing it if they encountered any true Ashlanders... but she found a deep burgundy shirt that might have been looted from a villager, and some plain trousers to go along with it. There were no boots, but she found a pair of sandals that were better than bare feet. When she was dressed, she combed her fingers through her wet hair as best she could, gathered up Assurjan's cloak and returned to the yurt.

He rose gracefully to his feet when she entered, taking back his cloak with a nod. "Better?" he asked quietly.

Raema managed to give him a reassuring smile. "Good enough, my lord." She felt cleaner, though the memory of her captor's cruel hands on her still lingered like a stain just under her skin. That, she knew from experience, would only fade with time.

Assurjan settled the cloak around his shoulders, and strapped his sword into place over it. For a long moment he waited, eyes unfocused, as if he were watching something within his mind. Waiting for sunset, she realized, just as he raised his head and looked at her. "Let us go," he said, and she followed him out of the yurt.

They had to move slowly at first- or Raema did, and Assurjan refused to leave her behind, no matter how she urged him. "We are not in a hurry," he said, "and you have no weapons. We will go as slowly as we must." Though Raema was frustrated by how often she needed to stop and rest, he was far more patient than she felt. He remained by her side without complaint, and though she knew Assurjan was preoccupied with thoughts of the clan, his presence was comforting.

Slowly, they followed the coastline south; Assurjan was worried that Juraene's territory inland was no longer safe. As the night went on, Raema began to feel somewhat stronger, especially after she found a few ash yams to eat along the way. When she could move more quickly, Assurjan pushed them to cover as much ground as possible. However, as dawn approached, it became clear that they would not make Telasero before daylight. Just when Raema began to worry that they would not find shelter in time, the twisting outline of a Daedric shrine rose out of the mist.

If ever a structure could look drunk, it's this one, Raema thought wryly. Like all Daedric shrines, it seemed a mess of alien lines and half-finished shapes, with little regard for flat, level surfaces. At Assurjan's insistence, she let him descend the stairs first, looking for danger, but she followed a few paces behind him.

There was no statue of a Daedra, only the altar itself, small offerings laid atop it. With a quick spell from Assurjan, an old campfire came to life, bathing the shrine in flickering light. It revealed several crates in one corner, and some abandoned bedrolls in another. Raema circled through the shrine, looking for signs that the previous visitors were planning to return. There was a layer of dust over everything, undisturbed except for her footprints. Whoever had been staying here, they were unlikely to return. She eyed the crates warily, wondering if they held anything of value, then decided she didn't care enough to look.

She turned to see Assurjan sitting on a stone block with his back to the altar, elbows on his knees. Raema bit her lip. He looked... defeated, something she had never seen in him. She took a hesitant step towards him, her heart aching.

"My lord..."

He waited a long moment before answering. "I have lost them," he said quietly, looking up at her suddenly with frost-white eyes. "Whether I turned them myself or not, they were my blood. They looked to me for protection." She saw his clenched fists fall open, a helpless gesture. "And I have failed them all."

His words stirred the grief that she herself had held at bay all night. She swallowed past a sudden tearful lump in her throat. All the vampires she had come to know, to almost count as friends... The gods only knew which of them had survived, if any.

Assurjan fell silent, his gaze dropping to the floor. Raema moved closer, longing to comfort him, not certain how much he would allow... how close he would let her get. He didn't look up when she stopped in front of him.

"Assurjan," she murmured, reaching down to grip his hand. He'd removed his gloves; his skin was cool, palms calloused from years of sword-training and sorcery. "We'll save them," she said, forcing more conviction into her voice than she felt. "House Hlaalu will help us. We'll save who we can, and whoever we can't save, we'll avenge."

His fingers tightened around hers, but he said nothing. Raema squeezed back, waiting until he looked up at her. As she'd suspected, there was a glimmer of hunger in his eyes. He hadn't fed since rescuing her, despite how Calvario's death might have drained him. Vivec only knew when he'd last fed before that. "You need to feed, my lord," she whispered.

He did not deny it, but she kept talking anyway, suddenly feeling nervous. "There's no time for you to hunt before dawn. But..." You have me. She let her voice trail off as his grip on her shifted, his hand closing around her wrist instead.

"I know," he whispered. "And I am sorry." He lifted her wrist to his mouth, and she expected to feel his fangs sink into her skin- but it was only his lips, pressed to the pulse in her wrist with a gentle kiss. The touch sent a jolt of pleasure through her, and she drew in a sharp breath. Her heartbeat began to race.

"Raema," he said softly. "This is the last thing I will ask of you." He looked up at her again, and the pale, hungry glow in his eyes had grown a bit brighter. "You cannot aid me any further. I have already shown Quarra how important you are to me. If she finds another opportunity to use you against me, she will, and all will be lost."

His words did nothing to calm the pounding of her heart. I sacrificed my people to keep you safe, those words said, silently. And I will do it again if necessary. She could only stare at him, hardly daring to hope she understood him correctly.

He looked away, bowing his head as the pale violet light of his feeding spell began to emanate from his hand. Bracing herself, Raema took a deep breath, clenching her teeth around a groan of pain as the spell pulled at her body, sapping her strength. Gods, she hoped he didn't take too much- she still did not feel fully recovered from the last vampire who had fed on her. She squeezed her eyes shut as lights burst behind them; the dull pain of Calvario's bites suddenly flared red-hot. She felt herself shaking as her muscles contracted in protest, her chest tightening around each breath-

Abruptly, it was over, the light fading. Suddenly dizzy, Raema wavered on her feet, blinking away the last of the flickering lights in her head. Assurjan caught her with his free hand on her waist, steadying her. He looked up, and gave her a sad smile. "Raema... I release you from your duties to Juraene clan, and from your service as my Hand. You are free."

Raema realized that her jaw had dropped open, and closed it hurriedly. She had longed for this since the night they had met, and yet now... How could she simply leave? If she hadn't been so careless as to let herself be captured, if Assurjan hadn't come to save her instead of the others, then the clan would not have been overcome. Whether they were still alive elsewhere, or dead already, she couldn't just abandon them to their fate without doing something.

Nor, she realized, could she leave the Ancient. He needed her, and no matter how badly he wished to keep her safe, there was no one else who could help him. If he arrived like a desperate beggar before House Hlaalu, alone, they would turn him away with nothing but relief that they were done with him. At the very least, she needed to be there to help convince them that Assurjan's cause was not lost.

She refused to consider the fact that she didn't know what she'd do without him. Time enough for that sort of moping later.

"My lord..."

He shook his head slightly. "Nothing holds you here, Raema." He let her go, hands dropping. "I will not ask you to stay. In fact, it would be safer for you to travel now, in daylight."

Raema caught his hand before it went too far. "That's nonsense. If there was ever a time that you needed a Hand, my lord, it's now."

He eyed their joined hands for a long moment. "I have always needed you," he murmured. "But now, I need you to be safe. I need you to be as far away from Quarra, from this entire mess, as possible. You should go."

Raema squeezed his fingers. "You're not getting rid of me that easily, Assurjan."

The Ancient looked up at her, and she met his eyes steadily. How could he even think she would just leave?

There was a look in his eyes that she recognized, one that said the discussion was not over. "You need to rest," he said finally, and moved to stand. Raema caught his shoulder with her free hand and pushed him back down, bent and kissed him.

He drew in a long, shaky breath, and kissed her back gently, as if he were afraid of frightening her away. Gods, we've been stupid, Raema thought distantly. All the weeks she had longed for this... Would it have been so hard to do this sooner?

When it ended, his grip on her hand had grown nearly strong enough to hurt, as if he never intended to let her go; she was holding him just as tightly. They gazed at each other wordlessly for a long time.

"What do you want, Raema?" He asked in a low voice.

I want you to love me, she thought silently. The revelation she had had days ago came back to her now, sad and a bit hopeless. The way that I love you. But she knew better than to ask it... knew better than to even dwell on it.

"Assurjan... I want to go back to the way we were. I want to forget everything that's happened- Raxle Berne, and Calv-" She could not say his name without her voice breaking. "Everything. Gods... please, help me forget."

He closed his eyes briefly; when he opened them, they were gleaming with that need she remembered, the hunger that had nothing to do with blood. He stood, and this time, she let him. He sank his fingers into her hair and drew her into another kiss, less gentle this time. A soft moan escaped her, and she moved closer, wrapping her arms around his waist.

When they broke apart, she was breathless, nearly overcome with emotions. The past months of tension, all that lay between them, the horrors of her time with Calvario, the grief that they shared over the loss of Juraene clan... all of it was swirling about her, and all she wanted was him.

He looked at her with that piercing white gaze, one hand on her hip, one stroking her cheek. Before he could speak, she kissed him again. Her hands tugged at his black sorcerer's robe, then at the laces of his shirt, exposing his chest and the Ashlander tattoos that decorated it. Assurjan growled, deep in his throat, as she ran her fingers over his skin.

His lips left hers, moving down to kiss her jaw, her neck. He pressed gentle kisses over the bruises on her throat, making her tremble. His fingers found the buttons on her shirt and began to undo them with a slow, deliberate patience.

She shrugged out of the shirt, let it fall. Assurjan's hands slid down her sides, and he bent down so he could kiss the bite mark on the slope of her breast.

She cried out, and he only laughed around the mouthful of her flesh, the laughter vibrating against her skin. Releasing her, Calvario laughed as she squirmed helplessly, trapped beneath him-

Raema gasped, and Assurjan stopped, lifting his head to meet her eyes. She squeezed her eyes shut, hating the fact that he could feel her tensing in his arms.

He brought his hands up to cup her breasts gently, calloused thumbs rubbing over her nipples, and another rush of desire overtook her apprehension. Perhaps he did not love her, perhaps he could not... but there was more emotion in those careful caresses than she had ever dared to hope for. Slowly, she felt her tension melting away, and when he brought his lips to her skin once more, Calvario did not surface in her thoughts.

They continued slowly shedding each other's clothing. He moved with a measured pace, watching her carefully as his hands slid over her body. She shivered, his touch raising gooseflesh, as he pushed the memories of Calvario away. She felt desperate to go on, to erase her violation by the other vampire as quickly as she could, but Assurjan seemed to know her better than she did herself. He was cautious with her, so careful, as if she were made of glass. Even when he lifted her, turned and set her on the edge of the altar, it was gentle- though she could feel the urgent tension in his movements.

Raema let out a shuddering breath, hoping that the unknown Daedra would not mind a vampire and a mortal making love on his altar. Assurjan groaned softly, breathing her name. It was the last time either of them spoke for a long while. All memories of Calvario fled, as if Assurjan delved into the very core of her and swept the memories away, replacing them with himself, instead. She clung to him as if her life depended on his touch. Everything was gone, destroyed, but it was only Assurjan who mattered. She felt the change in him, when he knew that he did not need to be so cautious, and then he gripped her just as tightly in return. I am still here, she thought, hoping he could feel it in her touch. And I'm not leaving you, Assurjan...