"Connor", Murphy shouted and punched his face. Connor could hear him and feel the punches but he didn't want to open his eyes. He had been unconscious for several minutes but now he refuses to ever open his eyes again. Connor didn't want to see anyone or anything. Not ever again. He had to get away.
Next time Murphy tried to hit him he caught the hand in the air and opened his eyes, looked at his twin and said: "Punch me one more time and I will kill you."
Murphy shrieked at the sound in his brothers voice. The coldness in his eyes. Something was horribly wrong and he had never seen his brother...broken. What happened?
"Conn' wha' yer doin'?"
"Get away Murph'. I will pack my things now and leave. I don't want you to follow. Stay with this group. Yeh hear me?" Connor had to get out. The group sure didn't want him here after what he had done and he didn't want Murphy at his side. He just wanted to be alone. Connor had had a lot of fights and he had beaten and killed a lot of men but with every punch he throw at Daryl he had felt something break inside his own body. Felt his heart and soul break. He saw Daryl's reaction. The way he gave up and the way he just let it happen after a while. Connor hit him just like his father did and that made him not better. It made him worse. And he had to get away from all the good people. From Murphy.
"Wha' do yeh mean? I come with yeh." Murphy was confused. was Connor gone mad or did Daryl hit his head so hard that he had lost it? "No. Yeh don't. I don't want yeh. I don't want yeh to come anywhere near me." Connor pushed his brother off his body and started packing his things, checked for ammo and put on his pea coat. Before stepping out the door he looked one last time at his brother. He had to remember the sad look on his brothers face, the blue eyes that were filling up with tears, the way he bit his lip, his hair, his figure. He had to remember. Because he would never see him again. Connor had to safe him. And saving meant leaving him behind. The moment he stepped outside he could see the others sitting around the fire. He walked past them. Ignoring the people that called him. Ignored that Rick was yelling his name. He even ignored that Murphy ran after him and yelled his name. "CONN'!"
He ignored it. "PLEASE DON'T!" Murphy had stopped coming after him. Either someone had hold him back or he had just given up. He could hear him scream and cry. One single tear was rolling down his own cheek. He never was good at hiding his feelings when Murphy was crying and screaming. He was ripping Murphy's chest open. But his twin was tough and he would get over him. He had a group that would care for him.
He kept on walking. Connor didn't know for how long he walked. It was the middle of the night and he had passed the houses they had stayed some hours ago. He kept walking until he felt every bone hurt in his body and he found a little cabin in the woods. There were no walkers and no human being in sight. He entered the cabin and sat down behind the closed doors. He grabbed the rosary around his neck and ripped it off. He didn't want to throw it away. so he pushed it into his backpack. But it wasn't right to wear it anymore.
Back at the camp
Murphy ran after Connor and yelled after him. He didn't understand why Connor was doing it. He had no idea why his brother, his twin would leave his side. That never had happened before. His brother was the one that always was eager to keep him close to protect him and now he just left him behind with a group of strangers.
"CONN', Murphy yelled. Two arms were gripping him and holding him back. He tried to struggle and get rid of the arms. He didn't even know who was holding him back until he heard someone say: "Murphy you need to stay calm. You are attracting all the walkers."
It was Rick. "PLEASE. DON'T", Murphy tried again. Knowing that it was senseless. His brother was gone. He couldn't even see him anymore. He fell to the ground. His knees knocking hard on the ground and he started crying. The one guy that wasn't supposed to leave him just left him. How was he going to survive without his brother? His soulmate?
Why was he punished? What had he done?
He felt Rick sitting next to him and the others were talking to him. Someone asked him questions but he just shut down. He wanted to die. Right here. Right fucking now. He felt like he was crying for hours. At some point they had left him alone and he was lying next to the fire now. He guessed it was Abraham who had carried him here. He stared into the flames. Why did Connor beat Daryl? Why did Daryl punch Connor and why the fuck did he leave?
His sadness and confusion slowly turning into anger and when Connor was gone he had only one option left. Daryl. He looked around but couldn't see the hunter. He got up, wiped his face with his sleeve and drank a bit from the water someone had left next to him. Then stepped inside. Most were sleeping. Only Rick was awake. He couldn't see Daryl.
"Where is Daryl?"
Rick looked at him considering if he should say something. "I don't know. He came out of the house, grabbed his crossbow, all covered in blood and headed off. What happened?"
"I have no fuckin' idea. I stopped them from killin' each other. I swear this morning they were just fine."
"Yeah, well, seems like somethin' happened." Rick stood up and looked at Murphy. "They will come back. If not, you can always stay with us."
"Conn' is not comin' back", Murphy whispered. "Why?"
"You didn't see his eyes. I've never seen it before. He looked as if...as if he didn't care anymore." Murphy felt the tears coming back. He decided he had to do something. "I think probably they cared too much. Listen I know Daryl. He can be cold like a stone but I have never seen him open up so fast to someone. It was like he trusted you from the off. I guess that it just got intense and he snapped."
"Maybe", or something was very wrong. Murphy remembered the talk he had with his brother. Soulmates. Murphy snorted. "I have to go. I will find Daryl. I think I know where he is."
"Where?"
Rick looked concerned and he sure as hell wanted Daryl back. "The place we stayed last night. I will be back in some hours."
Without waiting for a response Murphy ran to the garage, grabbing his gun and started running as soon as he was outside. He ran for a while suddenly full of rage filled energy He wasn't sure if he really would find Daryl there but he had to try. He know Connor was too smart to stay that near but he knew that Daryl was just pissed and would want to go back to his group. So he would stay near them.
Murphy entered the house they had slept in. "Daryl?"
No answer. "Daryl, are you in here?" He checked the kitchen and then went to the couches. And he saw him. He was lying there, still covered in blood. His eyes covered by his armpit and the other hand grabbing the crossbow next to him. Murphy looked down on him. He was shaking. Murphy got down on his knees as soon as he realized that Daryl was crying. He grabbed the hand that was holding the weapon, took the weapon away and the arm went straight to the hunters stomach. He was shielding himself.
"Daryl?", Murphy tried calmer.
"Go away", Daryl mumbled.
"Please, look at me", Murphy tried.
"Fuck off. Go and annoy your brother."
"I can't. Connor is gone."
Daryl stilled and he took his arm from his face and tried to open his eyes. One was too swollen to do so. "What do ya mean gone?"
"He left."
"Without you?"
Murphy just nodded again. Tears filling his eyes again. Daryl looked at his look-a-like and grabbed Murphy's wrist. "What happened?"
"He ran off after you two nearly killed each other."
"Why?"
"I don't fuckin' know. I came after you because I knew you would stick near to the group. Tell me what the fuck happened."
Murphy was up to his feet and walking up and down the room. Daryl tried to stand up but he couldn't. His stomach hurt and he felt a little dizzy. "He told me that he regretted everything."
"Wha'?" Murphy stopped moving and looked at Daryl. Part of him feeling really sorry for what his brother did to that face.
"He regretted letting me in. Holding me. He told you what happened here last night."
"Aye. But why would he regret that?"
"You tell me."
Murphy suddenly sat opposite of Daryl. He tried to remember the conversation and it hit him like a train. HE was the reason Connor was acting like that. Of Course. He had told him to get away from Daryl. To slow it down. Not letting him in. Murphy was jealous. Too jealous to see. "I'm sorry", he whispered.
"For wha'?"
"I think this was my fault. I told him to stay away from you. I was...jealous. I didn't want you to get the same attention as me. Didn't want to share Conn."
Daryl sighed. So this was it? Connor did this to make Murphy happy? No. There had to be something else. "I never would try to get between you and Connor."
"I know."
"No Murphy. You don't. Fuck." Daryl held his stomach and felt the pain everywhere.
"Then make me understand because I just fuckin' want my brother back."
Daryl stood up and walked over to Murphy. As angry as he was he couldn't bare to see Murphy like this. Because he just couldn't switch the feelings off even so he had tried it while Connor was beating him. "Did he tell you about my past?"
Murphy nodded. "Yeah that your dad was a douchebag and you felt unloved and that you got hit."
"I never let people come too close to me. But you two. I felt..I felt save with you. I...I don't know. And I needed Connor last night. I needed that little touch of his. I never had those things. And when I saw you two I was jealous. I never had a brother look after me. At least not in this way. Maybe I just wanted that. I never meant to hurt you."
Daryl touched Murphy's arm. The twins eyes following the movement and then meeting his eyes. "I am sorry."
"Don't."
Daryl then moved back to the other couch, laying down because he had too much pain to sit up. Murphy looked at him and then went to the kitchen to find some sort of towel and he found a bottle of water in one cupboard. He knelt before Daryl who was looking at him. And then Murphy started to clean Daryl up. Daryl was flinching and hissing in pain but didn't hold him back. "You look horrible", Murphy said.
"Yeah well thank you. Maybe I should punch you so we look the same."
"Not funny." He had cleaned up Daryl's face and then grabbed his hands and cleaned his knuckles. "Let me see your stomach.", Murphy said.
"Fuck off. I am not taking off my shirt.
"Daryl. Don't be stubborn. Let me see."
"No way."
"Fine. But don't complain when you have blood drying on your whole stomach and in your chest hair."
Daryl eyed him for a while. "God kid, you are annoying. Fine. Here."
Daryl moved his shirt up, without pulling it off and Murphy looked at the hunters stomach. "fuck", he said. Not only were there big fat bruises that were dark black, no at one point an old wound was ripped open. Murphy cleaned Daryl's stomach and chest. Ignoring all the old wounds and then he said: "I could cauterize that or try to find a needle"
"No way. You are not."
"As you wish. But the minute I see this gets worse I will."
Daryl put his shirt back where it belongs and then said "Thanks". "Aye."
Murphy just knelt there and looked at Daryl. Why was this so awkward? Instead of being angry and sad he now was glad to have him near. This situation clearly was fucked up. "What do I do now?"
The dark haired looked at the hunter. "What do you want to do?"
"Find Connor."
"Then we do that."
"We?"
"Well yeah. I won't let you go on your own."
For a while they sat in silence and Murphy suddenly felt the need to hug Daryl and he just did. He didn't care that Daryl was in pain or that he didn't like to be touched. After a second he felt Daryl's arms pressing him closer and actually pulling him onto the couch. Daryl flinched in pain when he felt Murphy's weight on him. But for some strange reason he thought he had to protect him. like Connor would have done. he had to comfort him as if this was HIS little brother. Not a friend. A brother. As if somehow this was his job. Murphy was behaving so much younger than he actually was. Daryl had to play the older one. So he didn't mind that the man was lying on top of him, burying his head in his neck and his arms under Daryl's body. Murphy relaxed on top of Daryl and was grateful that the hunter was there. He didn't know what to make of this but he just closed his eyes and tried to imagine that Daryl was Connor. Because it felt like it.
The only thing that surprised him was when Daryl kissed his ear and then whispered: "It all will be okay. We will find him."
Murphy moved his head up and looked at Daryl. The hunter was smiling at him, which made Murphy smile too. He put one feet back to the ground and stated himself on his arms. Hovering over Daryl's face. He put a kiss to the mans forehead. "Thank you, brother."
They looked at each other again and nodded. Daryl couldn't believe that he wasn't beating that kid to death for touching him. He couldn't believe that this was his life now.
What he could think was that he felt nothing but a growing love inside of him. For his two brothers. Yes, they had to find Connor.
Murphy was so close now that Daryl had to chuckle. If this wasn't a man he would totally think that Murphy was about to kiss him. "Why are you laughing?"
"Because this is the gayest shit."
Murphy chuckled. "Yeah. Now that you mention it..." And Murphy moved is head even closer to Daryl's face, aiming for his lips but before touching the other mans lips he put his hand between it. "Jesus. Murphy."
Murphy laughed and got off Daryl. They both watched each other.
"We alrigh'? Yer not mad at me for being jealous?"
"No. Because I am jealous of ya too."
"Now rest. We should go back to the group in the morning and then search for Conn."
"Yeah. Good Night Murph'." Daryl squeezed Murphy's hand.
Murphy bowed down, gave Daryl another kiss on the forehead and whispered: "G'night lil' brother." Murphy stroked Daryl's head and smiled when he saw Daryl's face. It was clear that this men never had any idea what it felt like to be loved and cared of. Connor was right. Daryl needed this and he was willing to give it to his new brother. For some reason he was mad at himself that he made Connor chose. This wasn't right because Connors heart was big enough for the both of them. Because his own heart clearly was able to care for two brothers and a whole group of people.
What Daryl didn't realize? That his heart actually was as big as the Empire State building. It was only surrounded by fucking high walls.
Yeah I know. But I couldn't resist to put a bit Darphy in it. I want them to get along well. Because who can't love Murphy or Daryl, hm? Yeah no one. ;)