Hey!
So after I tortured our precious Connor, I will now torture everyone with this. Sometimes we do things, when we are exhausted and tired and can't think straight, that are completely silly and are not to excuse with any kind of words. But sometimes we do things we really want to do, sometimes we see things clearer. Like when you are drunk and you suddenly tell the truth or cry because you were strong for too long. Same goes with being in incredible pain. Not that I can compare that, but after an accident in 2009 and several hours of incredible pain I was clingy, completely out of my own behaviour and were acting as if I am going to die tomorrow. Speeding things up. This is what I do here, plus, when you are afraid to lose someone, you act like a different person, too. Sometimes kicking down your walls just for the sake of it. So, here we go then.

This one is for my Queen! (XOXO Darling, you wanted some sappy stuff..here you go honeybunch)

"I'm sorry, I have to stop for a while", Daryl apologized when he stopped walking. They had reached the first road and he had stopped and put Connor on the ground. He had carried him all the time and his arms were numb and his wounds were hurting.
"It's okay Dar'." Murphy knelt next to his brother and opened his backpack. Starting to clean his brothers face and chest. "Connor?", he asked softly. But got no response. He would like to wake up from this nightmare. Connor looked so horrible. Was this what Connor had been through when he got tortured and what made him jump from a rooftop once?
Daryl was lying on the ground too, holding his stomach. Murphy got up, pulled Daryl's shirt up, cleaned the wound and smeared salve over it. Then looked at Daryl who was hiding his eyes. "Dar'?"
"Why him? Why didn't I go there?"
Murphy shook his head. "Yer mental?"
"Not HIM! You both are too good for this." Daryl looked at Murphy, tears in his eyes. He had held that feeling back all the time he was carrying Connor but now he had to let go of it. He was crying because this too, was his fault and he had seen something that Murphy hadn't seen. That's why he was so eager to get Connor dressed. He had seen the traces of sperm on Connors back. Murphy slapped Daryl hard. "Yeh listen to me asshole. Connor would kill yer for thinkin' that. It was his choice to go in there on his own. We always lived dangerous like this and it is not the first time he got tortured. We broke our own hands once to get rid of handcuffs. He jumped down a rooftop to save me. We got shot, cut open and we always survived. Connor will survive this but he needs us. Now stop that fuckin' cryin'. Stop sayin' it should be yeh because I wouldn't fuckin' want yeh to look like this either. Fuck", Murphy yelled and gasped for breath.
Daryl stood up, reached a hand to Murphy and pulled him up. Beth watched the scene and knew what had changed. Daryl was in love. But she couldn't see with who of the two. Somehow they seemed like three pieces of a whole. Murphy was now looking at her. "Come on lass, yer wounds next."
She nodded and Murphy started taking care of her wounds too. He felt like a freaking doctor. And it wasn't Daryl's fault. It was all his fault. When he was done he looked back at his twin.
"I can carry him", Murphy said.
"No. I will carry him. Let me drink something first and maybe eat. We haven't eaten since yesterday and Beth needs something too." Murphy nodded and Daryl grabbed the stuff that Carol had given him from his backpack. They shared food and a bottle of water and then went on walking. They walked side by side. Daryl always looking down on his friends body. He wanted to put him into a bed, care for him, make him better. And much to his own surprise he wanted to hold him, kiss every wound and hold his hand. Because he would have wanted someone to do this after every night his dad came to him.
He was looking at Connors face. His frowned brows, his lips bloody, dark shadows under his eyes, pale skin. Blood in his stubble. Daryl thought he had never seen something so fragile and strong. He had never seen a man like Connor. He never met his soulmate. He wanted to kiss Connor. He wanted to be with him. Daryl was totally confused by his feelings for Connor. Last night he hadn't really slept. His only thoughts were with him - the Irishman in his arms. He was so in his own thoughts that he didn't recognize the movement at first but then he felt a hand grabbing his arm and Connors eyes opened, looking at him, his voice broken when he whimpered: "Daryl." They stopped walking immediately. Daryl looked into Connors blue eyes. They weren't blue any longer. Grey like a rainy day. Sad and empty. There was no smile in them. "It's okay. You are safe now."
Connor closed his eyes again, His hand grabbing Daryl's arm harder and then he opened his eyes again. "Water."
"Aye". Murphy replied, already searching for water while Daryl sat Connor to the ground. Not moving any inch away from him. Instead sitting behind him so his friend could lean against him. The hunter wrapped one arm around the other mans waist. He could feel Connor leaning back, one hand grabbing Daryl's hand and tangled their fingers together. Daryl closed his eyes and kissed Connors hair. Murphy was helping his brother and stroke Connor's cheek. "Yeh fucker. I think I lost yeh."
Connor stopped drinking. "Nah. Balls of steel, remember?"
Connor tried to smile. He couldn't believe he was still alive. He had given up the second that bastard had raped him. It was too much to take. he had passed out several times and that monster had tortured him more and more and then went on raping him. But now he was trying to hold it together. For Murphy. He was thankful that Daryl was holding him. Daryl was his last thought every time he had passed out. Daryl was his guardian now. His saviour.
"Beth", he whispered. The girl approached and smiled. "Hi."
Connor nodded and then turned his head. Trying to look at Daryl. "Daryl?", he asked.
"I'm here Leprechaun", his voice gentle.
"Yeh saved me?"
"Of course fuckhead. Did ya think we wouldn't come after ya stupid ass?"
"Thought maybe yeh were angry with me for punching yeh." he said between coughs.
"I was confused. Murph' explained. It's fine. Glad ya are alive."
Connor squeezed his hand and tried to turn around. Daryl helped him and when Connor was facing him the smile was back in his face but his eyes stayed sad. Daryl hugged him and Connor buried his head in Daryl's neck. He was sitting on the hunters lap but he didn't care. He needed Daryl now. His big brother. "Cernunnos", he whispered and Daryl opened his eyes and looked to Murphy. "Wha' did yeh just say?", the twin asked.
"Cernunnos", Connor repeated.
"What is that?", Daryl wanted to know.
"The celtic god for hunting and fertility"; Murphy explained with an unreadable expression on his face. It wasn't the first time Connor used this name.
"And why does he say that?"
"Because you are my Cernunnos", Connor answered. Daryl thought Connor was gone mad. Connor let go of him but grabbed his face and without an hesitation he kissed Daryl and the hunter froze.
It was a short and innocent kiss. Connor leaned his forehead against Daryl and whispered. "I was praying for you to save me." Daryl shook his head. "Connor, now is not the time. We should move on. We can talk as soon as we are with the group again. Okay?", Daryl tried to end this awkward situation. Connor nodded and didn't say anything when Daryl ordered Murphy to help him getting Connor on his back. He was giving his friend a piggyback ride Because facing him now would be hell of a distraction. Connor crossed his legs around Daryl's waist and his arms around the hunters chest. His head buried in Daryl's neck. "Is this okay or does it hurt?", Daryl made sure.
"Everything hurts but this is good. No pressure on my back."
Murphy looked at Connor and Daryl. He wasn't jealous. he was confused. What exactly did he witness? Was Connor gay now? He wasn't even able to speak. He was glad they started walking again, because this was too weird. even so he had an idea what this was. But once again, no, better not think about it.
He was just glad his brother was alive and that he gained his conciousness back. Daryl was holding Connors legs and he could feel Connor breathing against his neck, kissing it now and then. He was glad that no one could see this because this all was getting really weird. That kiss. Daryl could only think of tangled fingers and that kiss. Cernunnos. Daryl was no god. Connor really was in some kind of shock. This was the only explanation. But hell, the last days were all weird. Connor was now kissing his neck, right underneath his ear and then slowly kissed his way up until he reached the middle of his ear. Daryl was going insane. He was keeping a straight face. Holding back a smile and the urge to bite Connors hand. Connor suddenly breathed: "Should I stop?"
Daryl considered this but then shook his head a bit. It was not unpleasant. Somehow he liked the attention. And he guessed that Connor just needed to distract himself from his own mind and the things that had happened this night. Daryl used to talk to his squirrel plushie when he was younger and hugged it and pressed it against his chest. Now he was a big walking Daryl plushie for Connor. He moved his head to look at Murphy who was looking back at him. Smirking and shooting a short look at his brother. "My brother seems to be a monkey now", he said amused.
"Shut up Murph'."
"Oy. Listen. He can speak and swear", Murphy teased.
"Just wait until I can walk again. I will kick yer sorry lil' ass."
Daryl felt Connor smiling against his neck. "I bet yeh will. I am just glad we found yeh. Yeh stupid asshole. Running off because of some stupid fight leaving me with strangers."
"I'm sorry Murph'. I just thought yeh kno' tha' Dar' would be mad at me and then Rick would be mad and the whole group. So I left and found Beth."
Murphy sighed. "I kno'. They're not mad. Want yeh to come back. They need us. And now we only need to find them and bring Beth back to her family and Dar' needs to be at Rick's side."
"Aye. Sorry Murph' but talkin' hurts a lot."
"Aye. Aye. Sorry bro'. Yeh should try to sleep on Daryl's back."
"Will try."
They walked on a while and Connor grabbed Daryl's chest a bit harder and whispered into his ear. "I will never close my eyes again", his voice was shaking ans rasp. Like it was torn apart in little pieces. Just like Daryl's heart when he heard it. Broken into a million pieces. He knew what Connor meant and he knew what Connor would go through for the next time and Daryl would be there. He would be at his side. Never leaving him.
Daryl moved his head a little so he could see Connor and whispered. "I'm here." "Aye", Connor whispered and put a kiss to his friends cheek.
Connor closed his eyes for a second. Haunted by the pictures of last night and by the pain. He still could feel the pain on his body, inside his butt, even his tongue hurt and he could feel something drying on his back. He knew Daryl would understand. He just hoped that Murphy didn't see anything of this. He couldn't stop kissing and touching Daryl. Last night he had thought about Daryl a lot. That he wanted to make him feel loved and cared for and that he wanted to be the person. That he had promised it when he had kissed Daryl's forehead that one night. That he had made it his task. He knew Daryl would never respond his love. Connor knew they were soulmates but his friend had been through so much and would never accept his love for a guy. Connor was okay with it. He just took everything Daryl was willing to give. and Connor was giving him whatever he had left to give. He regretted to have pushed him away because it was so wrong. "I'm sorry", he mumbled.
As answer Daryl stroked his leg with his thumb. "How long until we stop walking?"
"I don't know."
Then Daryl looked at the other two. "We should rest soon. Connor is tired. We all are. We should stay near the road."
"Aye. Agree."
"Look, there are these cars. Maybe we could hide their", Beth suggested.
"Yeah. Murph, Beth you two should check the area for Walkers. Conn' and me are coming after ya."
"Aye." Murphy started jogging and looked over his shoulder before running faster. Beth still had Daryl's crossbow and was running after Murphy or at least limping after him. Daryl stopped walking and said: "Able to stand on your own feet for a second?"
"I guess."
Connor uncrossed his legs and was holding on to Daryl's chest with his arms. When he felt the earth underneath his boots, he was easening his grip. And Daryl turned around, facing him. Their hips were touching and Daryl grabbed Connors face, stroking his cheeks. "There is nothing you have to be sorry about."
"I didn't want to push you away."
"I know. Murph' told me."
"Daryl, who dressed me?" Connors eyes were piercing through Daryl's skin. Daryl looked away for a second.
"Me."
Connor sighed. Tears filling his eyes. "Did he see?"
Daryl shook his head. "No. As soon as I realized I turned you around and started putting your jeans on."
"It was.." his voice broke. He was shaking and Daryl wrapped his arms around him. "I know. Shhh. I will help you. I'm so sorry this happened to you. I wish it would have be me."
Connor shook his head. "No. Don't say that. I was punished for hurting you."
"Biggest bullshit I ever heard. What did I get punished for as a kid, heh?"
"Sorry."
"Come on. I will bring you to your brother."
"Aye. Daryl?"
"Hm?"
"Promise me you will not tell him."
"Promise. This is between us now. I'm there if you need me."
"Don't be mad at me. But I need to sleep and can you keep watch. I need Murphy at my side." At least Connor thought he needed his brother. Daryl smiled and grabbed Connor and lifted him up. Connor threw his arms around the hunters neck. "I can't be mad at you. Not with you looking like this."
"I look hot, with my bare chest, huh?"
Daryl snorted. "Stop it."
Connor smiled when he saw Daryl's lips curling into a smirk. Even so none of them felt like smiling at all.

Murphy and Connor cuddled each other on the back of a truck. Murphy was pressing Connor against his chest and was putting a kiss against his head. "G'night Conn'."
"Good Night my little brother."
Daryl smiled and looked at Beth who was watching the twins in awe. "Good Night Dar'. Night Beth", Connor whispered and Daryl whispered. "Good Night Leprechaun" and then slapped Murphy's head. "Night facestealer."
"Shut up fucker."
Both chuckled and Beth and Daryl made their way to the next car and sat on the hood. They talked about what had happened to them and Daryl was glad that Beth wasn't raped. "Daryl. Can I ask you something?"
"Yeah."
"Connor and you. What is happening?"
"If I ever find out I will tell you. I have no idea. You know I knew them from before the outbreak. Had seen them on TV. They are serial killers."
Beth laughed. "You are joking."
"No. They were called "The Saints" and killed rapists, murderers, mobsters."
Beth turned around. "So good killers, huh?"
"Yeah. Well, as you might have recognized Murph' has my face. And I would have gone after them one day but then the Outbreak came. And it was as if we were hit by a truck. We were all shocked. Because from the very first second we were like brothers. You know I don't trust people but these two..." Daryl shook his head. That sounded too weird.
"They felt like you belong to them."
"Yeah."
Beth smiled and tangled their fingers together. "I think Connor is in love with you. He calls you after a god, which is kind of cute."
"Shh. Stop that. He is not in love. Look at him and his brother. He just thinks I am his big brother. Even so he is older. But you will see when Leprechaun is back on his feet he will treat Murphy like a lil' bro and he loves touching. He touches everyone."
"So, it is just coincidence, that you call Connor Leprechaun and Murphy facestealer?"
Daryl looked a bit irritated. "Uhm, yeah?"
He looked straight to the road, avoiding any more eye contact. Did he really make differences between the twins? Connor...love...Nah! None of them was gay. It was just brotherly love. Yes. That was it.
"Hmm. For a second I thought you were in love with me. You were so mysterious back at the funeral home."
"Yeah. Well. I thought so too."
Daryl shrugged and then looked at Beth. She was smiling and looking at him with these big blue eyes. She was sweet but he couldn't imagine kissing her or whatever.
"Listen Beth, I really thought so. You just kicked down some of my walls and I thought you were the only one left alive. I really love you. But not like this. You are like a little sister to me, a best friend. I'm sorry if I made the wrong impression. I was confused. I needed you. You gave me hope."
"Good Lord, I am so glad you say this. Because Daryl I really like you but I am not in love with you. You are like my big brother. And now look at you, you can speak more than one word without feeling awkward."
Both of them breathed out and chuckled. "Yeah. You are a good teacher, girl."
Then they kept watch and sat in silence for the rest of the night. And just when Daryl decided to wake up Connor and Murphy he saw a truck coming closer and another car but it was too far away to see if this were really their group. He nudged Beth. She looked int he same direction. She ducked, behind the car, crossbow pointing at the street. Daryl ran to Murphy and Connor. "MURPH! CONNOR! Wake up. There are trucks coming."
Murphy was awake and shook Connor who had his eyes open already. Never finding sleep. Both got up, Connor nearly falling to his knees. Daryl grabbed him and hid him behind a Car. Daryl and Murphy ducked and when they saw the cars they smiled. "Rick", Murphy mumbled.
"Yeah."
Daryl jumped up and ran towards the trucks. He saw them slow down and saw a door opening. Abraham was driving the big truck. "Daryl. You made it."
"Where is Rick?"
"Other car." Then he saw that the car had stopped too and that Rick was getting out of it and everyone else also was coming out of the cars. First he went over to Rick and saw that Murphy was coming closer.
"Daryl. Man..seems like you didn't find him."
"Oh. We found more than him", Murphy smiled.
And that's when Beth stood up, smiling and Daryl could see the confusion on His friends face. Maggie and Glenn started running, hugging her sister and sister in law.
Murphy was jogging back to the trucks and Daryl followed. He lifted Connor up again. "We are save now. Everything will be okay Leprechaun." Connor smiled.
When Rick saw Connors bare chest he gasped for air. "What happened?"
"He rescued Beth, got caught and tortured. His whole body is covered like this."
Rick shook his head and said to Connor. "Buddy you will be okay.", Then looked at Abraham. Make room so Connor can lie down. Beth do you need to lie down?"
"No. I'm not as bad as him."
"I don't need to lie down. I can sit upright." Connor was embarrassed by the attention.
"No discussion." Ricks words were final. After a while they were all in the cars, huddling together and Daryl started feeling claustrophobic. Too many people in one car. But he was sitting behind Connor, while Murphy sat next to him. Then came Beth, Maggie, Glenn, Tara, Eugene and Bob and Sasha. Abraham was driving and Rosita was next to him. Rick was driving the other car. Michonne next to him, Carol, Judith Carl and Tyresee in the back. They really needed another car.
Connor never closed his eyes and looked around him. He was silent most of the time. Just once he asked for water and then wanted to sit up. Murphy and Daryl helped him sit and he whispered: "I'm cold." Daryl slapped himself. Of Course. He was still wearing only his peacoat. Daryl opened his backpack and grabbed a black shirt that he never wore anyway. While Murphy was stripping Connors Jacket of, Daryl sat in front of Connor and helped him putting on the black shirt. "Thanks."
They drove on until nightfall and only made two little breaks.

The place they made a break at had six houses and a chapel. They went through the houses but couldn't find any walkers. Daryl thought it was strange that they never found walkers. The whole ride long they only saw one herd. Something was really wrong about it.
They decided to split up into the houses after they had talked a bit and ate something. Murphy was feeding Connor who was struggling against him because he was sure he could eat alone. "Rick, can I talk to you?", Daryl said. He needed Murphy to have a task for a while. He needed to be alone with Connor to care for the wounds Murphy hadn't seen yet.
"Sure."
"Alone." Rick eyed him suspicious but then walked with him away. Daryl looked around.
"Listen, you need to get Murphy away for one or two hours. I need to be alone with Connor. I can't tell you why. There are just things Connor doesn't want Murphy to see."
Rick nodded. "Will he be alright?"
Daryl sighed. "Truth to be told. I don't know. He is playing normal but you should have seen him. He was...naked. Completely. He even has cuts around his manhood." Rick held his breath. Daryl shook his head. "Don't ask any questions. The answer will always be yes. Don't. He doesn't want anybody to know. Not even Murphy."
Rick nodded and clapped Daryl's head. "I will set him on watch with me so I can keep him distracted for the night."
"Thanks."
"Always. And Daryl?"
"yeah?"
"I will be there for you. I will be here. You can talk to me. You were always there for me. Let me return that favour."
"Thank you, brother." Daryl smiled and Rick returned that smile.
They walked back to the group and sat down for a bit more. Connor looked at Daryl. "I'm tired. Can yeh help me up?"
"Pah. You can walk on your own."
"Fucker."
Daryl was already lifting him up and Murphy followed. "Murphy", Rick voiced.
"Yes Sheriff?"
"Can you keep watch with me? Daryl said you slept last night?"
"Uhm yeah? Wait."
He walked up to Connor. "Is it okay when I keep watch? Daryl will be there."
"Aye. Do your work baby brother. Daryl will keep me company just fine."
"Okay. Good night Conn'." Murphy ruffled through his brothers hair, kissed him and then went back to Rick.
When Daryl entered the house he had made sure that no one else was sleeping in it. He carried Connor upstairs and lay him down on the big bed in the bedroom. Connor looked at him and chuckled. "This is awkward."
"You don't say. I just carried you over the threshold into a bedroom. Like a fucking honeymoon."
"Mr. MacManus."
"Shut up now or I will leave you alone."
"Sorry, Dar'."
Daryl rolled his eyes. "Will be back in a second. I will just grab our stuff and get something to clean you up."
"No worries. I am not going anywhere, Darling."
Connor smiled but as soon as Daryl was gone his smile died and his eyes went to the ceiling. It just fuckin' hurt. And Now he had to be naked in front of Daryl. He would see it. Would see all the scars and bruises and Daryl would see how broken he was. At least they could be broken together. Connor had imagined how victims felt after something like that but he never imagined it like this. He felt so incomplete. Tears were filling his eyes now but he gave up. He could cry now. Murphy was not seeing it and Daryl would understand. How did Daryl survive this as a kid? When Daryl came back into the room, Connor was looking at the ceiling, crying and Daryl froze. Something was too special, too close in this moment. "I know you are there", Connor whispered and looked to Daryl.
"Sorry."
"It's okay. Come." Connor reached out a hand and Daryl got closer and refused to grab it but sat next to Connor on the bed. "Let me fix you up, okay." Connor nodded. Daryl started with his friends face, then pulling off the shirt, treating his chest and making him sit up to treat his back. Then he stripped the shirt back on.
Connor was already opening his jeans, his hands were shaking and his face unreadable. Daryl took Connors hands. "Let me help you." Connor nodded and looked at the ceiling. He raised his butt when Daryl had to pull his jeans off and then just lay there. Trying to blend out that his friend was cleaning him so near his private parts. Daryl did the same thing. He focused on the wounds and not on the other mans dick. When he was done with the front he stopped and sat next to Connor. Connor looked at him, biting his lip, holding back tears. He looked embarrassed.
Daryl bowed down and rested his forehead against Connors. "I need to turn you around now. This will hurt. A lot more than this. I promise I will try to be careful. I know this is embarrassing but I need to clean this and look if anything is infected. Did the guy..did he..inside you?" Daryl couldn't form the sentence properly.
"No. He pulled out before", Connor replied.
Daryl looked into his friends eyes and did something he had never done before. But something he really wanted to do now. He was not gay. At least that's what he thought. Now he wasn't so sure. He only knew that he wanted to do this. He slowly put his lips to Connors lips, stroking Connors cheek and jar with his thumb. Feeling the stubble underneath it. He could feel a hand into his hair, pressing him closer. Daryl smirked and started to put little kisses on Connors mouth, biting his lip one time. Then he looked closely at his friend and latter just looked back, his hand still playing with Daryl's long hair. "What was that for?", he asked.
"Comfort." Of Course. Daryl did this to make him feel better, not because he loved him. Still Connor was hoping that Daryl would someday be able to love him. He could live without sex or stuff but he needed Daryl.
Connor turned around, buried his face in the pillow, his arms crossed under his head. Daryl started with Connors legs. Giving him time to relax. Then went on. When he reached his friends bottom he whispered: "You okay?"
"Go on."
Daryl started rubbing the sperm from Connors butt. Not able to oversee how well formed it was. And slapping himself for that thought. Could this get any more gay?
Daryl sighed - yes it could.
"I need to spread your legs a bit."
Connor nodded and Daryl went on, cleaning his friend and smearing salve everywhere he could reach. He knew Connor was in pain. He knew he will have problems walking. When Daryl was done he looked at Connors back for a while. He could see the bruises where the man had grabbed Connor. Right on his hip. Daryl couldn't help it. He didn't even know what he was doing anymore but he gently stroked over those two bruises. Leaving bruises like this should happen during sex with someone you love. When both parts agree on rough sex. Not like this. And for some reason he would like to make Connor feel better. But he couldn't. Daryl Dixon wasn't made to make things better. Daryl helped Connor putting new pants and a new pair of Jeans on and then sat down on the edge of the bed, unsure what to do next. "You can sleep now. I will be here", he said.
Connor shook his head. "Can't sleep. Can we just lay down. Maybe talk?"
"You and your talking." It was getting dark already and Daryl could see how Connor looked at him and then agreed. Remembering how he felt when he was little. The wish that someone was there for him. Maybe hug him. He took off his boots and his vest, his crossbow leaning next to him on the wall. Connor was already shifting him, so they could lie next to each other. Their arms and legs touching. Both heads sideways to look at each other.
Connor had no idea what was going on with him but he was completely sure that he had fallen in love with a man. Which was really messed up, regarding the fact that he was religious and homosexuality wasn't allowed in his belief. On the other hand he was sure that Daryl was his soulmate, his other half. It was fucked up that he believed in god AND in soulmates and rebirth.
They were both broken and bruised now. It was as if something was forcing him to do what he was doing. He moved himself up again, looking at Daryl. "Move to the middle", he whispered. Daryl did as he was told. Unsure what Connor was up to. When Connor was placing his body on top of Daryl he smiled. Connor wanted to cuddle. Just like Murphy. "You know. Your brother is one hell of a cuddler. He was so out of it when you ran away that he searched for me and we cuddled a bit. Told him we will find you."
"Aye. Me brother is a cuddler. I am worse."
"Oh no." Daryl smiled when he felt Connors arms underneath his shoulders, coming together again behind his back and stroking both cheeks. Daryl lifted his arms, wrapped them around Connor, tangled their legs together and started running his fingers through Connors hair. The latter peered at the hunter and slowly closed the distance between them. Kissing his lips and Daryl, much to his own surprise, kissed back. At first it was harmless and soft but Connor needed to feel more, so he opened his mouth a bit, sliding his tongue over the other mans lips. He could feel Daryl stiffen, could literally hear him thinking and then he suddenly relaxed. Daryl opened his mouth, tipping his tongue against Connors. He always thought it would feel awkward to kiss a man. Feeling stubble against his own. He was wrong. Something felt much better than kissing a girl. And Connor tasted a whole lot better than anything he ever had in his mouth and better than any girl he kissed. The kiss got intense when Connor grabbed into Daryl's hair and when Daryl was grabbing the other mans face, holding him in place. They stopped when Connor started moaning and gasping for air. Daryl couldn't see much, but what he saw was and he punched himself in his mind for that thought, incredible. The moonlight that was breaking through the window made Connors eyes glow bluer and his cheeks were darkened. Probably red and heated like his own. The wound on his cheek was darker and was a big contrast to the rest of his friends skin. Connors mouth was still opened a little bit and he was looking at Daryl with a look he had never seen before. And before he could think anything else, Connor crashed their mouths together again. Daryl soon felt himself get hard because Connor was moving on top of him and the kissing was too passionate to be anything else than arousing. One part of Daryl was angry at his body for betraying him. The other part enjoyed it.
Daryl stopped kissing Connor. "Leprechaun, stop."
His friend looked at him and smiled. "Why? Yeh think I didn't notice?" Hell, could this be more embarrassing?
"No. But we really should talk now. Don't you think?" "Fuck talking. I just need you. Need to feel something. Anything. Something else than..than.." The smile was gone, the blue was gone. Daryl observed his friends face and he knew what Connor meant. Something else than broken. Connor was using him and for some reason Daryl wanted to be used by him. Maybe because he wanted to be loved by the man on top of him. Just maybe, Daryl felt something inside his chest, that he never felt before.
He pulled Connor into an embrace until he felt him relax. Connors head lying on Daryl's chest. Listening to his heartbeat.
"Leprechaun?"
"Yeah?"
Daryl breathed in and out. "What was your last thought before he did it? I always thought about the forest and running and being a bird flying away. About escape."
Connor swallowed. "I thought about you. I screamed your name when he first...did it. I passed out several times. But I thought about you and that I needed to see you. Make you feel loved and cared for. I thought about dying and that I will never see my brothers again."
Daryl nodded. "I was afraid I would find you dead." And this was the truth. He was even more afraid than when he was when Merle died.
"I'm alive." Daryl knew he should say something. He knew he had to explain some things. And maybe he had to let his guards down.
"You already make me feel loved and cared for. From the first second I saw you. I think this soulmate crap is true. I am so different with you and Murph'. Hell, I love your lil brother. He is a great kid. But with you..I am talking, hell, I am cuddling and i just kissed you.."
Connor placed a hand above Daryl's mouth. Smirking and feeling totally flattered by what he had heard. There was a slight chance that Daryl might love him too and Connor was eager to find it out. No matter how long it would take. He didn't know why he wanted to be honest and wanted him to know, maybe he was just too tired to think straight but he had to say it.
"Shut up. Yer talkin' too much. I don't know Daryl. I have no idea. I am exhausted. I can't think straight but I know that it was you I was thinking of. All the time. Not Murphy. Not my twin. My soulmate. I was thinking of you. And hell, this is wrong. So fuckin' wrong. I am a man of god. I can't be gay. But I think I fuckin' am. Only for you of course. But fuck Daryl.. Maybe I won't remember this tomorrow, maybe I am drugged but for fucks sake, just right now. In this second...I think I love you. Yes, I think I do. I never believed in love at first sight. I didn't believe in all this stupid chick flick movie stuff. But I do believe in fortune. I believe in the truth. Just like my tattoo says. And in this moment the truth is: I don't know where this is going. I don't know if it will last but right now, I love you." Connor looked at his friend, confusion on his face, smiling and when he opened his mouth to smile even bigger, Connor thought Daryl would laugh and push him away. But to both mens surprise Daryl said: "And I think I love you too."

yeah i am awful right? and it is silly and stupid and too fast and too soon. yep. i know that. like i said. sometimes you do stupid things when you are exhausted or when you fall in love.