Chapter 6: United
Buffy couldn't avert her stare from Angel. Had that really just happened? He had been showing signs of deep concern. Concern was one thing. She didn't completely understand the bond of a vampire family, but this was beyond family obligation. It was genuine.
"Don't say a word." He wasn't stupid. He knew what this was about.
"Not saying anything." Buffy continued walking down the road.
Angel was grateful for the matter to be dropped. That was until Buffy spun around in his direction.
"Did I miss something between you two? Because the last time I checked staking each other wasn't out of the question. Now, you're letting him drink from you? What gives?"
Buffy lifted an eyebrow, but when her gaze met his, she was surprised by the expression that had fallen over his face.
He looked at her in desperation; like his soul was shattering within him. "Look at what they did to him, Buffy!" He suddenly appeared disgusted, his voice shaking from the strong emotions bursting through. "Even in my darkest days…I never…I was the epitome of evil!"
"I remember." Buffy spoke with certainty.
"So did Spike. When he was a young vampire, he still took people out, he liked his bloodshed. But, he wasn't so…he had a gentler attitude about him. That was until I got to work on him. But even when I toughened him up, I never harmed him to the point where he could hardly take care of himself. Even I wouldn't practice tortures like this on him." He shook his head. "Look at him, Buffy. Look!"
"I see." Buffy kept her voice in forced control. They both couldn't very well break at the same time. Hers would be a break that would have to wait.
"I will take care of whoever did this to him. I don't' care who they are. They will pay for what they've done."
On that eerie note, Buffy decided to remember to never piss off a grand-daddy vampire.
After walking in tensed silence they finally reached the outside of her home, or what had once been her home. She didn't know if it was any longer. She didn't work with them. They didn't want her and with the events that had unfolded, she wanted to be able to say that the feeling was mutual, but it wasn't. Spike. This new weapon. She wanted to be able to jump up on her high horse over these victories. She had been right. She held the weapon that scared even Caleb. That had killed Caleb. Shouldn't she be ready to shove this in all their wrong faces? But, she wasn't. In the end, all of them just wanted to live. She was merely sad that they didn't trust her enough to carry them through this. She knew she couldn't save them all. That was a harsh truth that she didn't try to hide from them, but after all these years her friends couldn't trust her to make the right choices based on logic and not a blinded heart. She realized she wasn't angry. She didn't feel haughty now. She was just sad.
Now, it was time to face her judge, jury, and executioner once more. Was she looking for a reprieve? The truth was she didn't know what she was after by being here. She only knew that they were on the same side of this war and if she had gained more power she needed to share it, if there was any hope of them being able to win. If she could keep more people from dying then that was exactly what she was going to do.
They made their way up the porch steps. Taking a deep breath, Buffy knocked on the door.
In a few seconds the front door was opened by a frustrated Giles. His jaw dropped by the sight that greeted him. Buffy presenting herself in what appeared to be a professional manner, an unconscious Spike, and then a paler than normal looking Angel. Wait. Angel? What purpose could Angel be here for?
Because there aren't enough soulful vampires lurking about. Of course it only reasons to add one more to the mix.
Giles' eyes fell back on the unconscious vampire, dealing with one soulful vampire at a time; however, his body tensed up right away as he held back a cold remark directed at the one still standing. He then decided to focus fully on Buffy instead. "It's a good thing you've stopped by. It's complete madness inside."
Buffy couldn't help but feel a small sense of satisfaction over this.
Serves them right. What did they expect? Ask for Faith as a leader and this is what you're going to get.
However, Giles' next words chilled Buffy to the core and suddenly she didn't feel any "I told you so's" coming on as strongly.
"Faith took the potentials out on a mission. It didn't go according to plan. A lot of girls have been injured…" Giles looked down for a moment. "Some didn't pull through…"He gazed up at her sorrowfully. "Faith didn't pull through."
Buffy stood frozen. Faith. Dead. She couldn't form a solid thought. Bits and pieces of questions and feelings flowed through her mind, but she couldn't hang onto them. It meant so many different things. So many conclusions could be drawn. All these different feelings could be felt, but not one stuck around long enough for her to think it through. She was numb. It was Angel who found his voice first.
"How did this happen?" His teeth were clenched and it was perfectly understood he would be out for more blood.
"There was an explosion. A trap was set for the girls and they walked right into it." Giles explained.
Angel let out a growl at his explanation. "This thing keeps giving me more reasons to kill it." He wasn't Angelus, but right now he was considering exploring some of his practices when he finally caught up to this thing. He didn't know how. It wasn't corporal, but he would somehow find a way.
Giles didn't miss the mood that Angel had suddenly taken, but he refused to acknowledge it. He wasn't going to give him the attention that he so desperately sought while playing with the darkness that still existed within him. He may have forgotten the history that existed between them, but Giles had not. Instead, he put his focus on Spike, who was sleeping in his grand-sire's arms. The holder of Buffy's time. The reason why she had not been there to protect the potentials and help Faith in their recent battle. He looked as though he might breathe fire and burn Spike where he lay. "So, this is what you've been doing with your time, I see. Putting all your energies into finding that vampire when the world is coming to an end!"
"Excuse me?" Buffy spoke in a dangerous tone.
"These were exactly what our concerns were. Buffy, I hate to say it, but you have completely lost focus on what it is that should be your first priority!"
Buffy's voice shook in anger as she spoke, trying very hard to keep her fists to herself. "You have no idea what I've been doing since I left. Since you all made me leave!"
"I have perfect clarity on what it is your recent activities have been aimed towards. Or should I say who. That you would put that demon before the lives of not only those you hold near and dear, but the whole world! I can't find the words for it!"
"Really? Because you seem to be talking quite a bit." Buffy shot back at him dryly.
Spike's eyes fluttered open. Where was he? He couldn't tell. It wasn't the lab. Shouldn't it be? Was this another one of Woods' games? New torture just around the corner. Bugger it. It didn't' matter anyway. Life was pain. Even for creatures that existed in death.
The arms tightened around him. Arms? But whose?
Bollocks! Soddin' Angel. Remember? He's bein' the pouncy hero again. Come to save you to keep the girl. Rub it in your face, I wager.
He wanted to growl again, but then he heard it. Anger. That meant punishment. Punishment meant pain. Scalpels. In his dazed and disoriented condition, he couldn't make out the words, but the loud, angry voices made it clear that an argument was going on.
As he was struggling to make sense of it, the others kept said argument going. "He is a danger to have around here. The First obviously has plans for him. Trigger or no trigger!"
"What are you saying? We'd be better off leaving him in the clutches of evil that wants to use him against us?" Buffy challenged.
"No. But I don't think the vampire that doesn't have control over his own actions half of the time should be your greatest priority. Soul or no soul!" Giles shouted.
Spike began shaking at the sound of Giles' voice. A voice that was infuriated with him. A voice that wanted to harm him. More pain. He should be used to it by now. There was always misery. There was always punishment. How much more of it did they expect him to be able to take? Except Broody and Buffy, despite his own displeasure with the formed team, it seemed as they weren't interested in bringing down more pain and suffering on him. They wanted to help. Help. What a funny word that was, but that's what they were trying to do. It had to be what they were trying to do. It was them that had taken him out of his prison. It seemed a fair guess that Buffy was defending him to the angry Watcher. Could she win this? Or would the angry Watcher have his way? Bring him to a lab so he could be played with. Surely Giles knew of his bosses' intentions. Wasn't it he who had called them? Either that or he just wanted a dusting. He hadn't been known to follow their orders to the letter over the years.
Angel raised his own voice having kept quiet much longer than he thought possible for him. "Enough!"
Giles and Buffy both turned towards him immediately.
Angel's voice softened noticing how Spike jumped in his arms slightly when he yelled. "You're scaring him."
Buffy caught the look on the frightened vampire's face. This was not the Spike that she had come to know over the years. She knew of the horrors that had been done to him, but it was Spike. It was so hard to believe that there was anything that could reduce him to such an openly terrified, shuddering lump. His quick wit and sarcastic remarks were gone. Not that he could speak them anyway. He still should be giving them annoyed glances and looks that screamed the swears that he was thinking. Instead, he was just afraid, and she was afraid, because he was afraid.
"Scaring Spike?" Giles looked at Angel bewildered.
"Yes, he's pretty jumpy right now. Wouldn't you be if you had been tortured for a month?" Angel responded protectively.
Giles immediately glared at his former attacker. "Trust me. I know exactly the feelings of one who has been viciously tortured without mercy or reprieve."
Angel, who had begun tending to the shivering vampire in his arms, immediately ceased to do so as he looked up with realization of what it was he had exactly said. No, who it was that he had said it to. He went to speak, but he was cut off right away.
"Don't you dare say a bloody word." Giles barked. "If you do, it could very easily be your last."
"I'm not trying to belittle…" Angel began.
"You're not trying to belittle what? What you did to me?" Giles took a challenging step forward.
"What Angelus did to you." Angel finished, staring Giles in the eyes.
"I see. Your alter ego. Actions that you're not responsible for because you didn't have a soul. A free pass. I'm so tired of hearing this bloody excuse for you. And for Spike!"
"It's not an excuse. It's the facts. I take responsibility for what I did to you. Or what Angelus did to you. You don't have to forgive me for it. You can wish me to hell everyday if you want."
"I do." Giles looked at him an expression of murder on his face. "Believe me, I do."
"Fine. But, I would think with the knowledge that you have, having once been in Spike's position yourself, you could find some compassion for the treatment that he's gone through."
Giles eyes fell right away down to take in the appearance of the apparently broken bleach blonde vampire before him. Once filled with an annoying confident swagger, he now lay weakly in the arms of the one he had hated for so long. It was a sight that Giles, safe enough, figured would never come to be. He couldn't make out the extent of Spike's injuries, because most of him were wrapped in Angel's coat, but he figured if he needed carrying, some healing was going to be in order for him. He didn't care to admit the point that Angel made, but there was some truth behind his words. That didn't mean he was going to acknowledge it, not out loud.
"I take it The First is responsible for this?"
"Yeah, that would be our best guess, but It had help. A human." Buffy spoke informatively. Secretly she was glad that she didn't have to use her slayer strength to keep Giles from trying to kill yet another one of her exes.
"Who?"
"I don't know. He took off before we could ask him questions." She looked at Spike, seeing that his shaking had calmed a bit, but it was still very much present. It wasn't right. Spike had never shaken with fear over anything before. Torture from a Hell God couldn't bring him to this level. "Do you have any idea the things that must have been done to him to bring him to this state?" Buffy spoke more so to herself than to anyone else.
"Yes, well…that is a concern.' Giles looked at her pointedly.
"Will you just say what's on your mind already? Enough with being cryptic guy. No more obscure speeches and a hostile manner. Just get it out, because there are people in there that need to be taken care of. We could be on the brink of losing this thing, but please let's take a minute we don't have, so you can once again get your contempt out on a person who right now can't defend himself."
"This is not…" Giles voice trailed off, choosing his words carefully. "The First has made it perfectly clear that Spike is part of a plan on a much larger scale. We don't know what has been done to him. We don't know that he's safe. I know you feel deeply for him, but you must entertain the possibility that he could be triggered again, or worse. The First wanted Spike on It's side. You cannot allow your feelings for him cloud your judgment."
Buffy noticed the tension that filled Spike's body, the accusing look that he held on his face directed at The Watcher. What she didn't notice was how tense Angel had gone too. The accusing eyes the he held on her.
Buffy had it. She was done standing out in the cold of the night. She was done with Giles intense stare along with the tone that was clearly disturbing Spike. She was just done. She pushed Giles out of the way and glared at him. "Then you can go."
"What?" Giles looked bewildered.
"Spike is going to be taken downstairs where he can be cared for. His recuperation will be a priority. If you can't handle that then you can go. If you can deal, then you can figure out exactly what this thing is." She held out the object she had collected from Caleb to him. "Deal or don't. Either way, it's not my problem."
Giles studied her with obvious displeasure, but took the weapon from her. "Where did you get it?"
Buffy folded her arms. "Compliments of the Vineyard." She turned sharply and headed for the living from, leaving a dumbfounded Giles.
Now, that had felt good!
It wasn't long before Buffy found herself among the hustle and bustle that was taking place in her living room. It was hectic, but there was a somber air that everyone held. The tone set due to their fallen leader and warriors. It hit her again. Faith was gone. They had never been friends. They had only been able to get along for five minutes, if even that. Still, Buffy felt a new fire in her. It wasn't a longing for vengeance. No. She wanted justice.
Giles had practically implicated that her only desire was to protect Spike, but he was far off the mark. He would see that. No one here cared more than she did about the safety of the potentials. No one knew how much she agonized every minute of every day over leading them into battle, leading them to what would be some of their graves. What that meant and what she was going to do was yet to be seen, but something was to be done.
She moved about the rooms, checking to the extent of the girls' injuries, seeing what was left of the army that she had formed. It was a brutal sight to see. She knew that it was going to be, but no matter how much someone prepares themselves for a gruesome sight, their stomach can't help but flipping. As she turned for the doorway she came face to face with Willow. Slowly, she straightened up.
"Hey, Will…"
"You're back…"Willow wanted to sound chipper, but she couldn't. She was happy to see Buffy, but she had been part of that mutiny. A mutiny that had only led to death. Funny. That's exactly what they had all been trying to avoid.
"Maybe. For now. I don't know. At least till the girls are stable. Spike isn't doing so well either…"
"Oh! You found Spike." Now Willow did sound chipper. Buffy at least deserved that much from her friend.
"I found a few things."
"Really. Well, then, what did you…what did you find?"
Buffy shrugged nonchalantly. "Some weapon. Scared Caleb straight. Killed him too. I don't know. Giles is looking into it." Buffy stated dismissively.
"Wait! You killed Caleb!" Willow's eyes widened in disbelief.
"Yeah. Well, I should check on Spike. There are patients on every floor it seems…"
"We took a pretty big hit here." Willow's voice was disappointed; more in herself than in Buffy.
"I know, Will." Buffy's eyes were filled with sorrow. "I know…" With that, she turned for the stairs.
"Buffy…"Willow called out after her.
Buffy looked to see Willow, who stood apologetically. This was the last thing she could deal with. "Don't. Not now…Just don't…" Buffy left the room promptly and made her way to the basement.
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Spike wouldn't open his mouth. Angel had only left him for a few moments, so he could get a bag of blood made up for him. However, now that they were settled on the cot in the basement, Angel sitting on the side, with Spike propped up on some pillows Angel had also managed to gather together, Spike's hunger seemed to have flown out the window.
"Come on, Buddy." Angel encouraged as he let the mug hover in front of his grand-childe's mouth. "Smells good, right?"
Spike only lifted an eyebrow at him.
Buffy quietly made her way down the basement stairs to find Spike on a mountain of pillows with a gentle sheet lying over his bare injured skin, while Angel failed at giving him dinner.
"What are you doing?" Buffy stepped forward with an expression on her face that told Angel how moronic he was.
Angel aimed a similar expression in her direction. "What does it look like I'm doing?"
"He's covered in wounds. He needs to be treated. Cleaned!" Buffy reached the cot, seeing Spike tense from the tone her voice had taken. She took a deep breath and forced herself to speak evenly. "I just think blood can wait."
Angel shook his head. "It's a good thing I'm here. You really do need me." His eyes fell back on Spike.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Buffy folded her arms impatiently.
Angel's gaze met hers once again in slight disbelief. "He's a vampire, Buffy. That's what I mean. His wounds, uncomfortable yeah, but they're not going to get infected. They can't kill him. Lack of blood, that'll dust him. Now, we can do it your way. Bandage him up, but by the time you're done soaking him in a bath, you may not have much left to work with."
"Oh." Buffy felt dumb.
Angel returned to the task at hand. Blood to Spike's mouth, and again, him whipping his head away from the warm sticky liquid.
"Come on…" Angel somehow managed to keep the edge out of his voice.
"Is that pig's blood?" Buffy inquired.
"Yeah. Had some on me for the ride from LA. Why?"
"He's not going to heal nearly as quickly by animal's blood. Plus, if you're so worried that he could dust soon, well, we should be giving him something stronger…" Buffy explained.
"He won't drink from me." Angel pointed out. "He ripped his fangs out of me the second he found out I didn't mind his feeding from me." It seemed that even in Spike's weakened state, spiting Angel was his first priority.
"I know." Buffy stated simply, but it was clear there was an implication hidden behind those words.
"No!" Angel reacted, catching on to her intention.
"I can't believe this happened." Willow sighed to herself as she changed one of the potentials bandages. She still hadn't regained consciousness. She probably never would.
Giles sat on the couch with a few books spread out in front of him on the coffee table. The weapon Buffy had retrieved at his side. The caretaking had calmed down for the most part. There was much more room in the living now than only hours before. He felt it best to be among their patients in case of any needed assistance while he did his work. The progress they had made in treatment certainly provided room for it. However, it seemed that his assistance of the mind was more needed than of the body. In this case, it wasn't one of the potentials. It was Willow who was in need.
"Well. In war you always have casualties. It doesn't ever make it right, but it's to be expected."
"I don't mean that." Willow spoke in a sulky voice. "Okay, well there's that. It's everything. I mean, Faith is dead. Our potentials number has taken a hit. And…"Willow's voice trailed off.
"And what?" Giles pushed her.
Willow spoke softly, willing the words away, but forcing undesired honesty anyway. "Maybe it could have been prevented."
"You mean, Buffy." Giles filled in the blank. "If we had Buffy not as many lives would have been lost?"
"Or any." Willow sighed as she finished up the bandaging. "Buffy got not only whatever that weapony thing is, but Spike back too with Angel as her only help. All of us behind her…Faith would still be here. They all would still be here."
"We had our reasons for our actions."
"Yeah, and we were wrong." A voice came from the doorway.
Willow and Giles head turned simultaneously in the direction where the outburst had occurred only to find an eavesdropping Dawn.
"Dawnie…" Willow started, but wasn't quite sure how to follow. She was right. They had messed up majorly.
"I did that to my own sister. Look where it got all of us!"
"Dawn, it will be alright." Giles started, but was cut off.
"How? People are dead. All I've heard Buffy talk about since this whole thing started was that we needed power. Now, it's like we handed it away. Faith is gone. Some of the potentials are gone. Spike, I haven't seen, but it doesn't sound like he's in great condition. We're down really powerful warriors; not to mention Xander being in the hospital. The First is only getting stronger and the worst part is that I was the one who kicked my sister out. I betrayed her. For this!" Dawn leaned against the doorframe with a sigh, feeling defeated.
"Not all is lost." Giles tried to be reassuring. "We do have this…this weapon. It seems to be of great use. We may have taken a blow, but we haven't handed over victory yet."
"If it helps at all, Xander's finally being released. He's coming back tomorrow, in fact." Willow tried to say this with a smile. It was difficult, because the point Dawn was making was the very point that she had started to make only moments before the younger Summers had joined them.
"Great." Dawn tried to sound enthused, but instead it came out rather sarcastic. "I'm glad he's coming home..." She clarified.
"There's just a lot more damage here than we may be able to deal with." Willow finished her statement for her, though she was fairly certain it was a feeling they were all sharing.
"Right." Dawn agreed.
"Well, our pride is wounded and feelings have been hurt, but we'll just have to push on." Giles chimed in encouragingly.
"Push on? That's what all these years of experience you have on us have given you? Push on?" Dawn eyed him.
Giles rolled his eyes. "We've been in impossible situations before and we've always come through. There's no reason to give up hope when there is hope yet to be worked with." He held up the weapon. "Now, I say we research."
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"No? No to what?" Buffy looked at him with forced confusion.
"You know what I'm saying no to. Don't give me that look. I know you and I know what you're thinking." Angel was on the verge of growling. He couldn't allow for what was very likely to happen to happen. He couldn't watch this, especially after what he had heard from Giles. It was struggle enough not to lose his head on Spike over that. Buffy. Her deep feelings for him. As much as he wanted to go into denial about such a thing, be blind over what was right in front of him, everything he had been seeing with these two were adding up. Spike and Buffy. Together. At least at some point. He was keeping his emotions under control surprisingly well, but this…what she was offering to do…he couldn't guarantee that he could continue to be strong if this occurred.
"Slayer's blood seems to be our only choice." Not that it really needed to be a last resort for her to give it up to him. She decided to keep that little fact to herself.
"It's not our only choice." Angel held up the pig's blood.
"Angel! You said it yourself. He's in danger of dying. Arguing about it is only bringing him one step closer to death. And I'm not going to allow that!"
Angel got up from the cot, took a step towards her and reached out for her "Doing this is gonna get you one step closer to death. And I'm not going to allow that!"
Buffy evaded his grasp and climbed up into Spike's bed. It was all about positioning herself correctly in a way that wasn't going to hurt him. Position herself, that was a good idea, he was too beaten up to move safely. Herself on the other hand, well she could maneuver herself quite easily. Lying down in front of him, she rested her head against the pillows, letting her neck match up to his fangs evenly. The only thing he would have to do is move his head forward a bit. It seemed that was the only part of his body he could move without causing any more damage. Once she was in position, she shot Angel a stare that made it only too clear that he could only dare to try and stop what was about to take place.
Buffy gazed down at Spike patiently, waiting for his face to shift, and for his fangs to pierce her skin. After several moments it became apparent that he had no plans to do. "You can change now. It's okay. We need to get you healthy."
Spike wasn't going to. He didn't feel hungry. His stomach ached just like everything else. Maybe it ached, because he was hungry, but the thought of blood did nothing for him. He just wanted to be left alone. He was so tired of being picked at. Angel had shoved the mug filled with the red annoyance in front of him, but again, it did nothing for him. He remembered how much he had once longed for it. How tempting it was to drink the few times Wood had pushed it in his face. How irresistible and how delicious it had been every time he'd given in to the craving, and gulped it down. Then came the surgery. Now, well, he only had memories of smell. Even tastes felt different. And he didn't feel like taking what Angel offered him.
And this, this was Buffy. She was so much more than just food to him. A gentle look or touch was enough to put him on cloud nine for days. The last thing he wanted was to do anything that could ever harm her. He didn't understand what possessed her to even offer it up. Despite the brute's protest and he had to believe that meant something. But what? He wanted to ask, but his voice refused him. Instead, he just gave her a pointed look, and kept his fangs well sheathed. In the same moment, Angel came up and made to pull her out of the bed again.
"Oh, come on!" Buffy moaned in annoyance. She seriously never thought she'd see her two vampires agreeing on something. Perhaps that ought to be an omen? If so, it was one she wouldn't heed. But hey, the discord and rivalry that marked her two vampires, maybe that was the key to this? She turned towards Angel, a plan forming in her mind. "Don't try to stop me" she said, firmly. "Or I'll kick your ass as badly as I did to get the chance to save your life this way, back when it was us lying like this." She smiled. "Despites everything that happened afterwards, I'd do all that again in a heartbeat, to keep you healthy." Angel tensed up, but Buffy just gave him the most radiant smile she could muster, and then kept going, directed at Spike now. "Too shame you're hurt even worse than he was back then, so that I can't really hit you. Can I just say please? Please don't worry about me. I want this!" She turned her gaze to Angel again, and smiled warmly, continuing her plea with a voice thick with yearning. "I know all too well what a great experience it can be."
What? Buffy had already let the Great Poof bite her like this? The thought was nearly more than Spike could bear. His eyes searched the neck she was holding up to him, and true enough, there it was, the proof that he needed. The unmistakable scars of a pair of fangs that very well could belong to his grandsire. He was relieved to see the scar were quite healed, and rather old-looking though. At least they hadn't been at it any recently. Still, her fervent talk about how great it had been ... if it was a ploy to goad him on, it was working. He had a claim to stake!
With that, Spike shifted faces, and let his fangs slip into his Golden Goddess' neck. The flavor that met his lips was unlike anything he had ever tasted before. He had gotten a burst of this sweetness months ago, but the manner in which it had come was less than desirable. Still, he would be a liar if he didn't admit to himself that the taste of her had haunted him from that very moment on. It wasn't just Slayer's blood. Yes, the blood of the slayer was something worth risking one's unlife over, but this was even better than that. It was Buffy blood. Her warm comfort filling his mouth, massaging his throat, it was even better than he remembered. He was completely lost in her. Suddenly, he didn't remember where he was or where he had been. He wasn't even entirely sure of who he was anymore. He only knew one thing to be certain. In this moment, she was his and he was hers. This wasn't the blood, as strong as an aphrodisiac as it could be, it wasn't responsible for this current union that held so much more than any sexual encounter ever could. No, it was something much stronger than that; the binding depths of trust.
Buffy gripped down at the bed sheet. She wanted to squeeze Spike himself, but his injuries prevented any more physical contact. Her breath was stolen away by him; a sensation filling her body with so much excitement that she hadn't expected to come of this. She longed for more than just a bite. More and more she longed for him. His mouth on her felt just right. It almost felt as though she were floating, bliss running through her veins, truly, it was a feeling that was indescribable. It made her realize how much the things she had just said wasn't just a ploy to goad him. She had meant it, more than she even thought she did.
Spike. Her heart fluttered just at the thought of his name. It was a feeling that in the past she never imagined she would ever feel towards him, but it was the truth. For the longest time all he had been was a pain that had taken up residence in her town. The idea of his fangs on her neck wouldn't have done anything to her, well other than gross her out, if she was being completely honest with herself. Back then she had seen him as just another evil vampire with poor taste in fashion. Later on, the idea of being bitten by a vampire had come to mean something new to her. She had gotten feelings from it, but not in the romantic sense. It could be a death sentence, her death sentence, and one that she had longed for at a certain time. When she kissed Spike the year prior, he was the only one who could make her feel anything, and she knew how dangerous he was without his chip. He could have fooled her. He could have decided that it wasn't love after all, tricked her into bed one night, and really have had an ulterior motive besides getting a sweet climax with her. He could have wanted his third slayer and he could have had it. The thought was one that she had welcomed. She went from loathing those fangs, to wanting to die by them, to now wanting to bask in them. It was a strange kind of progress, but their relationship had always been anything but ordinary.
She had been wrong before, it wasn't bliss that was running through her veins, it was him. She was starting to see that it was the same thing. It was confusing for so many reasons, but in that moment what she knew in her head didn't matter. The fangs of a vampire inserted in The Slayer's neck, it was crazy, but it filled the holes that had developed in her life. It brought beauty where there was darkness. It gave her power where she felt weak. It had been Spike for years now that had been picking her up when she had fallen down. She had struggled with that in the past considering what he was. It should be wrong. This right here should be wrong. Look at where they had started.
What happens Saturday?
He had looked at her so calmly, but coldly. I kill you.
It was that same vampire that she was allowing to suck the blood out of her. She should be disturbed. She should be ready to toss him aside. Yet, that's not how things felt at all. There was no fear. There was no doubt. It was just Spike. It was just them. There was no wrong here. She didn't feel wrong being here. Yes, he had wanted to kill her at the start. Yes, she had wanted him to kill her later on. Yet, it wasn't like either of those phases of their relationship. This was something new. There was a different feeling burning between them now. It was a feeling that was just now being born. Simply put this sensation that was growing within her felt good. It felt right. It was an intimacy she may never have dreamed of with him, but it was there. It was wonderful. Not only that, but she could help him. He had helped her for so many years; finally, she was able to help him back. She was able to give something back to him when she had rarely ever returned any emotion or gratitude towards him before. Despite that, she could be the one who was doing the saving this time.
She sighed to her inner self. She needed to stop thinking so much. That's what got her into trouble the most. Buffy brain. It rambled too much. There had been enough speculating on their relationship to last her a lifetime. She felt warm with him. She felt cared for. She cared for him. They were here now. They were sharing something of deep importance and for once she just wanted to feel that. His fangs in her neck, though sharp, gave her a sense of comfort. For the first time it was as though a certain peace coexisted between them. No worries. No fears. No regrets. It was as if they were both right where they belonged. It was the first time she felt as though she had all of him.
They were connected.