"You do?", Connor asked just to make sure he hadn't imagined it.
"Yeah", Daryl whispered and stroked Connors hair. "I don't know what it is with you. Maybe some apocalyptic trauma or some virus that makes me gay but ever since we met I have this feeling inside of me. It is a different feeling with your brother. I have never felt that. Never even wanted it. But last night, when we found Beth, I knew. I was worried sick. Murphy had to calm ME down." Daryl's heart was beating way too fast right now. He had never said something like this and he was so afraid but Connor had said it first. Connor loved him. Maybe not forever but Daryl was happy with today. Maybe tomorrow. This world can end any second. Why not enjoy the last bits we have?
"Weird huh? None of us was into guys before. Maybe it's the soulmate thing." It was clearly the soulmate thing. Connor was smiling inside. Could this really be happening?
Daryl nodded. He felt save with Connor and he liked it. The situation was awkward and he could hear his dead brother moving inside his grave. He could hear all the names his family would give him. But he didn't give a fuck because he knew that his new family would accept it. He was in love with Connor. He was from the very first second on. Not the second in Terminus, no the second he had seen him on TV. Back then he hadn't realized it. But now he does. He feels this amazing thing in his chest. That burning was turning into a glowing. Into something strong. Daryl kissed Connors hair. Connors head rose a bit and pressed his lips on Daryl's. "It was so horrible", the Irishman whispered.
Daryl held him close and rested one of his hands on his friends face, stroking the place right underneath his eye. "I can imagine", he replied.
"I thought he would kill me. That sick bastard even said he would make me a girl", Connors voice broke and he was shaking his head to get rid of the pictures. Daryl felt the tears running over his friends face. Connor was trying to get up and Daryl helped him. The Twin turned around so that Daryl wouldn't see his face. Suddenly feeling ashamed and stupid. But Daryl pulled him back again, his chest pressed against Connors back. His arms embracing him and tangling their fingers together. "I'm here", Daryl breathed. Unable to say more. There were no words for this situation. Connor leaned his head against Daryl's shoulder and pressed the mans hands. "Turn around", Daryl whispered. "Let me see you." Wow. Hello chick flick movie.
"Aye." The Older one turned around, facing his friend now. His head hanging lose on his shoulders. Facing his own hand which were lying between his legs. Suddenly there were other hands, grabbing his own. Connor looked up into Daryl's eyes. Finding nothing but understanding and care. Connor closed the distance between them and Daryl moved in the space between Connors legs, wrapping his arms around his friend. Connors head was now resting on Daryl's shoulder. "Thank you", he mumbled.
Instead of an answer Daryl took his friends face in his hands and looked at him. "Listen to me, I will be here for you. Whenever you need me. You can talk to me. Connor, I never had someone like you. I will make mistakes. I'm not made for love and caring. But I know how it is to be alone with such a thing and I will not let this happen to you. I am here."
Connor nodded and crossed his hands behind Daryl's neck. Daryl scooted forwards and kissed Connors tears away. He was acting intuitive. Doing what he thought would help. He had never done something like this before. Hoping he wouldn't make mistakes. Not now. His friend did seem to enjoy it and Daryl was ending his kissing on Connors lips. Only putting a gentle kiss on the edge of the other ones mouth. Connor looked at Daryl's face and touched the light blue eye and the swollen cheek. Traces of his fists. "Does it hurt much?"
"No. Had worse." Daryl smiled. "I'm sorry I did this to you. so sorry that I ran."
"Ya better are. Believe me if you wouldn't look so horrible right now I would punch your face. Bet ya would look great with a black eye." Connor chuckled. "I would love to get beaten by you if it would make this feeling go away."
"Which feeling?" Connor looked to the window, his face fully covered in moonlight. Again Daryl thought, this was beautiful. "The feeling of being broken. Incomplete. The wish to die." Connor closed his eyes for a second and Daryl froze. He wanted to die. He knew that feeling. He was praying for god to end his life a several times. When he never answered he stopped believing in god. But hearing his friend say this hurt him. How could he make Connor better? He had to work on this from now on. Had to make Connor feel alive again. Complete. It will take a while and some parts will forever be broken but Daryl knew that life could get better. He had made it. He had found Connor.
"Don't say that. I wouldn't want you to die", he whispered. "It is selfish but I need you. Don't leave me."
Connor shook his head. "Never would do it. Not yeh and not me baby brother."
"Can I..Can I do something to make it easier?"
Daryl scratched his beard and leaned back.
"Yes."
"What?" He would do anything. Really.
"Yer are already doing it."
Connor turned his head back to Daryl and then placed himself next to him. Laying down on his side. Daryl understood and placed himself behind Connor and pressed his whole body against his friends body, Connors head lying on his arm. Connor grabbed the other hand, intertwined their fingers and kissed the back of Daryl's hand. He snuggled even closer and wished he could hide himself inside this embrace. "Ya' want to sleep?", Daryl asked.
"No."
"Okay."
"Just hold me. Don't go away please. Don't leave me alone tonight." Connor was never the one to ask something like this. He was not weak but he was too afraid to be alone. He was still not sure if this was a dream or reality.
"I'm not going anywhere."
Connor kissed his hand again, now entwining there hands and starting to kiss the hunters wrist, his palm, every finger and Daryl closed his eyes, enjoying the attention. He moved a bit up and started kissing Connors earlobe. They both needed this attention for different reasons and both were willing to go on with this for the whole night. Daryl was glad his friend was alive and that he was here with him. Connor was thankful for having a whole night with Daryl. He couldn't think of Murphy right now. He had to shut all the horrible thoughts out. Otherwise his twin would feel too much. Now he was probably only thinking of the streams on Connors body but if Connor would start to think of everything, Murphy would know. So he enjoyed Daryl's kisses and shy touches. The little pieces Daryl gave him to fill the holes of last night. Putting him together again. He enjoyed that this was new for Daryl, too. That they could make this experience together. For a slight second he thought that his world was standing still. For a slight second he felt something he had never felt before. He had found the love of his life in the arms of another man. And he was willing to give up his soul for it.
-
Same time outside
Murphy and Rick were sitting on a bench together. Both men looking to the little window they knew Daryl and Connor were resting. "You are worried", Rick disclosed.
"Aye." Murphy looked at Rick.
"Daryl will take care of him."
"Aye. That's what I am so worried about."
"Why?"
Murphy sighed. He was still thinking about Connor's behaviour. "When he woke up he called Daryl after a Celtic god. And kissed him."
Rick looked surprised. "Oh."
"Yeah. Yeh kno' me an' me bro' are not gay. We are Catholics. If he fell for Daryl he will be doomed. Banned from the holy land. We would be separated for eternity." In all honesty Murphy knew they would go to hell. It wasn't the real reason he was so afraid.
Rick placed a hand on Murphy's shoulder. "But what do you think about it? Would you love your brother less? Like Daryl less?"
Murphy shook his head. "'Course not. I love them. I would want them to be happy. Even together. I would never not be on their side. Hell, I would do somethin' to go to hell with them."
Rick chuckled. "See. Maybe you are reading too much into it. Connor was in a very bad state. Probably confused."
"Aye. Maybe."
"Wanna check on them?"
Murphy nodded. "Aye. Is tha' alrigh'? Will be back in some minutes. Just check on Conn'. Don't like to be apart from him." "Sure. Go and check on them."
Rick clapped the other mans shoulder again and smiled. Murphy returned the smile. "Thanks. Sheriff."
"You are welcome."
Murphy was already moving, when Rick said: "You can always talk to me."
"Thanks again. Yer a good person Rick. Yer probably a better man than yeh think yeh are." Rick nodded and wondered why Murphy would say something like that. Maybe that guy had some senses normal people didn't. He followed Murphy with his eyes and then looked up to the window again. He hoped that Daryl had dealt with whatever Connor had been through. Daryl had never spoken about what had happened to him as a kid. But now Rick knew and for one more time he thought that Daryl was the strongest of them all.
Murphy entered the house as silent as possible in case his brothers were sleeping. He went upstairs and entered the bedroom. He could see them both lying on their side. Daryl pressed to Connors back. Murphy smiled. It looked like him and Connor. He entered the room and approached the bed. When he did so, Daryl moved his head and smiled. "Conn', look."
Connor moved his head. "Hey Murph', yeh missin' me?"
"Aye", came the reply and Murphy walked around the bed to see Connor. He crouched down in front of his twin and stroked his brothers hair. "How yer doin'?"
"Can't sleep. Daryl is keeping me company."
Murphy looked at Daryl and nodded. "Aye. Yer making him a cuddler?"
Connor smirked and whispered: "I'll tell yeh a secret. I think he likes it."
Murphy agreed and breathed: "I think so too."
Daryl winked at him and Murphy smiled. He looked at their tangled fingers and smiled even more. He put a hand on top of his brothers hands. Daryl was their brother. Through and through. No matter if by blood or by choice. Connor observed his brothers face. He looked worried and happy at the same time. Which looked like a really weird thing on his twins face. "I am so glad we found yeh." Murphy said and his expression went back to sad and worried.
"I'm glad too. Thanks for following me."
"I will follow you everywhere Conn'. Even to hell. I can't live without yeh. Yeh kno' tha'."
Connor nodded and let go of Daryl's hand and opened his arms. "C'mere Murph'."
Murphy huddled up to his brother and was lying his face to Connor. He kissed his brothers forehead and cheeks and then buried his head at Connors neck. "I missed yeh"; he whispered.
"I missed yeh too."
Connor kissed his brothers ear. Daryl's hand was resting on Connors hip and he looked at the two brothers and smiled. How did he manage to get so many brothers in such a short time? He felt a hand grabbing his and saw that it was Murphy's. "Yeh take care of him, aye?"
"Of Course I will", Daryl promised.
"Gotta go and help Rick again. Yeh two should sleep."
Connor gave Murphy a kiss on his forehead and then Murphy stood up, walked around the bed, stopped at Daryl's side, knelt on top of the bed and when Daryl moved his head to see what Murphy was doing, Murphy kissed Daryl's forehead. They both smiled at each other and Daryl turned around completely and stood up with Murphy. "Will be back in a second Leprechaun. Just gonna talk to Murph'."
"Aye." Connor was smiling and for the first time this evening he really felt the smile. Because he loved the way Murphy had accepted Daryl now. This was more than he could hope for. He didn't have to chose anymore.
Murphy and Daryl walked down the corridor until they reached the stairs and Daryl hugged Murphy tight. Latter grabbed Daryl really hard and pressed him close. "I'm glad we have found yeh. Yer a good brother to us. I don't know what is happenin' and I don't kno' wha' tha' thing is between yeh and Conn' but I want yeh to kno' tha' I'm okay with it. I kno' yeh two can't do anythin' against it. It's yer souls. Some years ago I would've beaten yeh dead for makin' him gay. Now I just want everybody to be happy in this broken world. He needs yeh more than me now. Go back and hold him as if there is no tomorrow. And I know there is somethin' yer not tellin' me. It's okay. He will tell me when time is come. but please go slow." Murphy let go of Daryl, then nodded and before Daryl could say anything Murphy was already outside and running towards Rick. Murphy was close to tears but for a very different reason. Daryl shook his head. That kid was really something different. He had a mind on his own.
He went back to Connor, who was lying in the middle of the bed, buried under the blanket. Daryl moved closer and looked at Connor. His eyes were closed and one side of his mouth curled up to a smile. "Yeh comin' or are yeh standing there the whole night?"
"Man, ya' see everything?"
Connor opened his eyes. "I wish I could see more." Daryl rolled his eyes. Typical. That guy just went though pure horror and was already joking again. Daryl snuggled under the blanket and touched Connors chest and froze. What the hell. "Eh Leprechaun? Where is your shirt?"
Connor chuckled. "On the floor, why?"
"Don't you think you should put that back on? I'm not sure what you are doing."
"Uhm. I always sleep naked. Don't want to sweat so much. Do you sleep with all clothes on?"
Daryl raised an eyebrow. Naked. He lifted the blanked. Good god, at least he had left his jeans on. "I do. Ya' know in case there are walkers. I'm faster when I am dressed."
"Yeah. True. But tonight you are going to take that shirt off."
"No." Daryl frowned. He never takes his shirt off.
"Why?"
"No."
"Can you only say "No"?
"No?"
Daryl chuckled and Connor slapped his head. "Yeh stupid. Wha' is so bad about a naked chest?"
"I never..I.." Daryl sighed and nodded, taking off his shirt. Because it was senseless. Connor had been through a lot and he had scars. Daryl was just thankful for the little light. Connor was looking at his back and traced the tattoo with his finger. Demons. Funny. Daryl had demons everywhere and he had religious signs. This was a relationship made in hell. Connors finger left goosebumps on Daryl's body and he closed his eyes when Connor let his finger slide over one scar. Connor was moving now, suddenly sitting behind him and kissing his back. Daryl gasped for air and felt one hand grabbing his holding it pressed to his stomach, while Connor continued. "Yeh kno' yer scars are beautiful, righ'? I kno' they remind yeh of somethin' bad. But they show me how strong yeh really are." Daryl's cheek got red and he leaned against Connor's lips when he started kissing his neck. "Why are you doing this?" Daryl wondered why Connor was giving him so much attention when he should be the one after that horrible night and day.
"Because I want to."
"Conn' ya' just been through hell and back and you should rest and heal."
"THIS heals me. It's distraction. Because my mind is a horrible place right now. I need this", Connor nearly begged. Daryl sighed and turned around, pressing Connor back to the mattress, placing himself over his friend. The blanket was only covering their legs now and Connor looked up to Daryl, while Daryl watched Connors chest rise and fall for some time. Then he leaned down and kissed the scar on Connors throat and wandered down to the one under his heart. The hunter kissed every single wound on Connor's chest and stomach, his friends hand grabbing his hair and breathing heavy. "You know, when my scars are pretty than yours are too." His friend pulled him back up and crashed his mouth against Daryl's. They were losing themselves in that kiss. Daryl playing with Connor's stubble and Connor grabbing Daryl's hair hard. It hurt sometimes but Daryl didn't say anything. After some minutes Connor whispered: "yer hard again."
"I noticed", Daryl said ashamed.
Connor smiled. "Yeh want me to take care of this?" He was just teasing him because he knew they wouldn't do that anytime soon.
Daryl snorted and said: "You my friend will do nothing." Connor let go of Daryl and nodded. Why did it feel so painful when he was only teasing?
"Leprechaun?" Connor shook his head. Maybe Daryl really was just here for comfort. "It's okay."
Daryl smirked, hovered over Connor's ear and said: "If we are ever going this far with that thing, I want you to be healed and I want you to be able to enjoy it. I want you to feel it. Want you to be able to have one hell of the night. Because..hey...lets be true..here..none of us was with a guy before. and our first time should be better than this. Okay?...And I swear to god if you wouldn't look like this and you wouldn't be bruised and stuff I would fuckin' let ya do whatever the fuck you want." Daryl himself was not so sure if this would ever happen but it was really not good for Connor to do those things now. He shouldn't even think about it. Daryl had no idea why Connor was doing it. Distraction? Or is he denying what just happened to him?