Vengeance

by Callace

Season seven, shortly after Lies My Parents Told Me. After each their failed attempt, Wood and the First team up to take Spike down. Meanwhile, Angel comes to town, to help stop the coming apocalypse. BtVS/AtS crossover. ABS. Though clearly Spuffy-centric, we've tried to do justice to the BA - relationship too, as well as the complicated frienmity between Spike and Angel

7. Omen

Chapter 7 Omen

The peace she was feeling was yanked away, literally. She felt strong hands on her, pulling her up, fangs retracting from her neck in the process. It was then that her eyes fell on Angel. He was looking as huffy as ever. She wanted to get mad at him. In fact, she started to get mad at him, but the moment she went to stand up and get in his face, she felt herself tumbling back down on the bed. Once again, his hands were on her, steadying her.

"I told you he'd take too much." Angel stated accusingly.

Buffy rolled her eyes. "He didn't take too much." She put a hand to her head, trying to get the room to stop spinning before speaking again. "If he took too much I'd be in a hospital. Luckily, history isn't repeating itself."

That shut Angel up. Well, really, it pissed him all the more off, but he had to recognize that this was not the time or place to start a shouting match. She needed to be taken care of or she really would wind up in the hospital again. "We need to get something in you. Food. Drink. Just stay right there." Angel lifted himself off the cot and made his way up towards the kitchen.

Buffy sat in silence. She felt sick inside, but it was of the physical sense. Her spirit was another story. For the first time, in the longest time, she was actually feeling content. Curiosity getting the better of her, she started to glance over her shoulder, wondering how Spike was fairing, himself. Perhaps, maybe he was feeling a bit better now after a meal; one made from her. However, when she made that motion to look over her shoulder; she suddenly felt sick to her stomach. Her hands came up over her head again, willing the sickness out of her stomach; she thought she might pass out. Her body had suffered a loss, even if it was of the pleasant kind; her health wasn't recognizing what her heart knew.

"Buffy, are you okay?" Angel had made his way back downstairs without her noticing.

She had forgotten the golden rule with him. When you think he's not around, that's when he usually is. He never disappointed in that department. "I'm okay. I'm fine." She looked up at him and gave a nod of her head.

"Well, here. I brought you…" He handed her a bottle of coke and a few iron supplement pills he'd found in her kitchen cabinet.

Buffy knew she felt too sick to eat, but she also knew that it was best she got something in her. Still, she started with the coke, eased her stomach into things. After a while, she began to feel a bit better and Angel noticed color returning to her face a bit just from having some fluids put back into her. She shoveled the pills down, finished up the coke, and started to really feel her strength returning to her. She gave Angel a small smile. "Thank you." She said before standing up.

Her eyes fell on Spike and her neck immediately tingled with the reminder of what had just taken place. She was okay with it. She didn't want to run anymore. She no longer was interested in becoming intimate with him and then taking off the second their physical connection had been made. In the past, a feeling like this would have scared her. It would have had her questioning her own sanity, but Spike was a good man now, a conclusion she was comfortable with. It was a conclusion that she had been standing by for months now. The only difference in that time was that now she felt as though a seed of him had been planted inside of her, and this time she was going to get let it grow, blossom, and the thought couldn't help but make her smile.

She had to force her mind off the subject. She needed to get him better and to do that he needed to have a bath. He was desperately in need of one. The idea of a naked Spike was something that she was still a little uneasy with. There was too much turmoil from before that still weighed heavily on her mind. Plus, the idea of what had been done to his naked body that made her stomach turn. He was emaciated, though she knew her blood was going to help with that, and he was also covered with countless injuries. The worst of which was the surgery scar that was out for display. She saw that mark and she thought of the pain that he must have gone through. She prayed he had passed out before feeling too much. Of course, the thought of him waking up without the ability to breathe was enough to disturb her. He had never quite kicked the habit. She had noticed this and though it was odd, but it was part of who he was. Finding out that such a thing that had been a part of him were gone…she couldn't think about this right now. She needed to gather up her supplies and clean him, because that would make him feel better. She needed to make him feel better. He at least deserved to be comfortable.

Once forcing her mind to remain on the subject, she went out and quickly collected supplies that he would need. There was no way that she could get him to sit in a bath. It was too rough on his injuries, besides carrying him up there would a painful task in and of itself, so that was quickly ruled out. A sponge bath seemed to be the only logical thing that would do the trick. She grabbed up a basin and filled it with warm water, grabbing washcloths and towel to help. She quickly grabbed up some shampoo for his hair and they were ready to go.

After making her way back into the basement, she placed the basin of water down on the floor and with a question in mind she turned to Angel. "Should we bandage him? After his bath. Vampires. You're not ones for getting infections."

Angel considered this for a moment. "Not right away. The air will help him heal. After though. Give it a day or two. The bandages will give a barrier between his wounds and anything he might rub up against. But vampire wounds do heal quicker than human ones. If we were to put bandages on now, before all his wounds have closed properly, they'd have to be changed wicked often, to avoid getting stuck."

"And what about his broken bones? Should we try to set them?" she asked helplessly. "I don't exactly know how to do that, and it's not like we have an x-ray machine…"

Angel took Spike's hand in his, and felt out the fractures. "No." he decided, pensively. "It's already been too long since they've been broken. Setting them now would require rebreaking them, and that would cause him more pain than it's worth. It will take longer, but they will eventually find their right place on their own."

Buffy nodded her head, and gave an unusually grateful thought to the effectiveness of vampire healing, before she got on her knees to begin the slow process of his bath. "Spike, it's time for your bath. I promise it's going to make you feel a lot better."

Spike responded with a raised eyebrow before closing his eyes once more.

Angel, who had been leaning against the railing of the stairs, rolled his eyes. This was getting more and more ridiculous by the minute. First, she lets him rip into her neck, causing her to practically pass out. Now, she's tending to him as though he were a helpless child. Okay, so at the moment he was pretty helpless, but this wasn't necessary. That was something they both knew. It wasn't like it was really going to help his wounds anymore. They might heal a bit faster if cleaned, but the difference would not be that significant. His wounds would heal, he would get stronger, and that would be due to feeding properly, not from a good scrubbing. It'd make him smell better, sure, but that was about the only thing that was going to come of it. It was Buffy that was being helped right now, not him. She couldn't keep her hands off him and he was about ready to shove her aside and insist that the only person that should be taking care of a vampire is another vampire. He knew that wasn't going to go over very well. It was probably better that he didn't do anything. It was better that he leave it to her, because the way he was feeling, he probably wouldn't make for a very good caretaker right now. He also recognized that the bleach blonde in an odd way was very lucky to be in the condition that he was in, because had he found this out while he was well, Angel would probably have staked him on sight.

As Buffy lifted up the sheet that covered Spike's damaged body, both Angel and she winced at the sight, unaware of their identical reaction. It didn't matter that they had already seen it before; it was something that no one could get used to looking at. Angel took it back in that moment, there was nothing about his beaten up body that made him lucky. He was unhappy with the circumstance, he couldn't begin to understand what Buffy could have possibly seen in him that would make her want his hands all over her, but he'd much rather have it out with Spike, who had a healthy body, than have him in this condition. No one deserved to be in this condition. However, he couldn't promise himself that once his grand-childe was well that they wouldn't have it out anyway. He couldn't promise himself anything when it came to Spike.

With the washcloth now dipped in warm water, Buffy gently ran it along Spike's body to take off the muck that had collected over the course of his absence. She knew that it was going to take going over his body more than once to do a thorough job, but for as long as it took she was going to be at it until he was clean. However, the injuries made it difficult. She figured they would heal faster if they were clean. Vampires weren't known for getting infections, but the sooner the wounds were gone, the better. This would certainly make it happen all the sooner. He did seem to be enjoying the washing that he was getting. He couldn't make a sound, even though that was still unsettling, the look on his face was comforting as well. He seemed a bit more at peace than he had been and she thought he might moan with pleasure if he had the ability to. For now, she just went over the parts of his body that were smooth, getting him used to the water, making sure that touch was soft and gentle. She was trying to help make him feel better, not hurt him worse.

When it was time to start going over his injuries; she dipped the washcloth back in warm water, and then carefully went over countless wounds. He tensed for a moment and this was to be expected. His reactions to the warm water varied as the wounds did themselves. There were moments where it seemed peace was coming over his body, something that had been throbbing, now cleaned out, and it couldn't have felt better. Other times, he tensed a bit more, clearly not caring for the touching of a particularly sore area. Even so, she knew that it was going to feel all the better after. He never fought her. It didn't seem that he wanted to either. It was all part of medical care and he understood this.

"Alright, it's time to do your back." Buffy spoke. She wanted to let him know what she was doing when she was doing it. She figured he had spent enough time in the dark over what was coming to him.

Spike didn't really react, but she knew that he heard her. She bent forward, getting a good look at his injures, letting the washcloth over him.

Spike shut his eyes immediately on contact. This was the worst that it had felt since she had begun. He knew that certain areas were going to feel more uncomfortable than others. For the most part, he had actually enjoyed the cleaning that he had been given. He was starting to feel a bit better because of it. Now, well at the moment it felt like torture in itself. How long was she going to wash him for anyway? Hadn't he been poked at enough already? He was back to wanting to be left alone, for the burning to stop, for a sense of peace and quiet to return. Why couldn't anyone leave him alone?

It wasn't hard to notice the distress on his face and she hated being the cause of it. How much pain could one person take? "I'm sorry, Spike." She spoke softly. "I know this hurts and I don't want to hurt you anymore than you already have been, but this will heal faster in the long run. It'll feel a lot better then." She placed a gentle hand on his cheek, caressing it gently, comfortingly for a moment. Then she set back to work.

The lacerations that she was looking at now, they weren't lost on her, not by any means. Truth be told, she was trying not to look directly at them. He had been flayed alive, and what skin had returned to the area was still paper thin and vulnerable. Anger was rising, but if she let it surface she was going to lose her gentle touch, and that was one thing he needed more than anything right now. Chunks of skin were missing from his back and she had to keep calm over this. How? Right about now would have been a good time for someone else to take over, but it was all too clear that she didn't have any help in this. It was childish, but what else could she expect?

She looked over at the water in the basin and noticed that it had turned a dark shade of brown. It was to the point that it would dirty him up more than get him clean. She glanced over her shoulder at Angel. "Mind getting me more water? Actually, I need a few things. A cup, so I can wash his hair and a pot to catch the water in." Yes, he wasn't her hands on help right now, but he could at least do this for her.

Angel didn't budge. "What? Need a moment alone with him? That how long it takes?"

Buffy rolled her eyes before muttering under her breath. "So don't have time for this." She covered Spike back up with a light sheet, grabbed up the basin of water, and went to the kitchen.

Spike, alone with his thoughts for a moment, despite not really being quite so alone in the room, fell right into them. The stinging in his back was dying down now, his body was feeling a bit better, but his feeling physically better didn't take away the ache in his stomach of worry and anxiety. Had he been with Buffy? He hadn't been with her been with her, but they had shared a connection that was not to be taken lightly. She had willingly given herself over to him. He should feel great about that, except for the small fact that he didn't. Yes, it meant something. He wasn't blind to this. She obviously knew the seriousness of what it meant, because she had done it with him before. She had given up her neck to Fancy Nancy once and had made sure to be damn clear about it, about their relationship. He wasn't surprised. Of course he wasn't. They had been together for a long time. Spike was the newer connection, so that should have been that. He should have felt ahead. He should have felt as though he had taken her heart and been amused that Angel had to watch as he did so. More than that, he should have felt loved, wanted, and desired. He didn't.

He never seemed to be quite enough for anyone. Cecily, it seemed, wanted anyone but William. Drusilla had always wanted Angelus. Sure, he was good when Angelus wasn't around, but the minute he did show his face, it was very clear who Dru had favored. She never tossed him to the side, oh she'd have both of them if she could, but that didn't mean it wasn't obvious who she favored. Then, there was Buffy. Angel always had her heart. He thought that he was starting to mean something to her. No, that wasn't fair. He did mean something to her. He knew that he did. Here she was carefully washing him, trying to ease his pain, she wanted him better. That meant something. It just didn't mean what he had hoped it would mean. How could it? Angel was right there watching. He was watching with a glare, but he was still present. He was part of her life. It was what she wanted. Him. She couldn't get over him. It didn't matter what Spike did or how much he changed. He was never enough. Always second place. There was only one woman he had ever been first to and that was his mother. See how well that worked out? He bit the inside of his mouth, keeping tears from forming; perhaps it was best that he stayed second to Buffy. He only wished that she'd find someone better than pouncy Angel over there, but as a whole, he himself, he wasn't worth much. He hadn't been as William. Everyone knew that. He wasn't now. Everyone knew that too.

As Buffy made her way back downstairs, she placed the cup of water along with the empty pot down by the bed. That's when she noticed Spike's sudden mouth chewing. For that, she didn't start in on his hair right away. He seemed to need a moment to himself as she figured his back was the source of his unease. With the time she was giving him, she started getting everything in place. She made her way back upstairs, having left the basin of refilled water on the counter; it was all too much for one trip. Once she returned she knew that it was time to maneuver him into the needed position for washing his hair. She wanted to sigh, not bothered by the care itself, but the pain that it would cause him. He may be cleaned up, but wounds still hurt when aggravated. No amount of washing him was going to change that. The thought of adding to his misery more than upset her. Still, she kept any unpleasant feelings she was having to herself. He needed her to be his rock and that's exactly what she was going to do. Very gently, she began to position him in a fashion where he could continue to lay comfortably; however, this process was proving to very uncomfortable in and of itself. She was surprised that his teeth weren't going through his bottom lip that he was chewing on so hard. If he had the ability to move his hands they would have been balled into fists. Then again, due to the pain, he might actually use them to push her away, and she couldn't say she would blame him one bit for it. Once she had him rearranged, she carefully peeled the sheet off of his body for the second time. Her eyes met Spike's, who was eying her curiously.

"I just need to go over a few more areas. Some areas I couldn't reach as well on your back. And some of your worse wounds could probably use an extra scrubbing." Buffy realized the indication of her words. Bad choice of words, Buffy. "By scrub, I don't mean scrub. I mean wash. Gentle. See?" She placed the soft washcloth against his upper arm, showing him that there would be no harsh scrubbing movements. He probably knew what she meant, but having been gone for; well she wasn't sure how long, he might now take things very literally. She did not want to be associated with more pain.

Spike simply gazed at her. There was no real expression on his face now that he had calmed down from the maneuvering that had occurred.

It was hard for her to read him. She expected him to react more at the idea of his getting his back washed again, but then maybe pain was something he had come to expect. She didn't like the thought of that. After this, no more pain for him. Just rest. Lots and lots of rest.

"It might sting a little, but I'm not doing it on purpose. You know that, right?"

Spike didn't respond for a moment. Her heart started to drop into her stomach, but then she noticed him give a gentle nod of his head. That was a relief. She couldn't help but wonder what was going on in his head. She had had a taste of a time without communication in the past and remembered how frustrating it had been. It's even more frustrating when someone you care about is in pain.

Buffy gave him a soft smile and set to work. She began running the washcloth over his body once again, her focus mostly on his back as he was now positioned so that she could have much easier access to it. He immediately closed his eyes tightly, the washcloth hitting on the raw areas of his back that been too low for her to reach. He wanted yell out; he would have yelled out if he had the opportunity, and that's what made the whole thing so much worse. His eyes began to water at the feeling that was a torture in itself. This was supposed to help him, but instead it made him feel worse. Why couldn't she be done yet? Why wasn't being washed once through good enough? So a few parts of his back were dirty? So what?

He wasn't really mad at her, he knew this, but he desperately wanted her to be through with him for the night. He never thought he'd see the day when he actually wanted Buffy to care for him a little less. Instead, she was doing a very thorough job, and this was a fact that was impossible to be lost on him.

"Dear Lord"

Giles stood on the stairs with the weapon Buffy had claimed earlier, having just found information on what it was. However, that information took a back seat the minute his eyes fell on the vampire being washed. The massive wounds that had taken over his body, the sores, and the pain. He was all torn skin and broken bones. There was so much pain on his face from simply having a washcloth run over him! Giles was stunned speechless. He had known that Spike was in bad condition when he had first arrived, but having not seen the extent of his injuries, he would never have guessed that he was this bad off. He didn't say a word; he stepped off the stairs, but didn't approach Buffy. This could wait till she was done.

It was time to get started on his hair. She hardly had time to glance up and acknowledge Giles's presence. One thing at a time. Right now, his hair, next she could deal with her less than reasonable Watcher. She gently ran some of the warm water over his head, wetting his hair. Shampoo in her hands, she carefully started to massage his scalp with the shampoo, and it was then that she felt his head leaning into her hands. It seemed as though someone liked the feeling of this very much. That alone helped bring a smile to her face.

She continued to really work the shampoo into Spike's scalp. So, she moved her hands up and down his neck, she really massaged that scalp from all angles. At times, he tensed, and she could feel why. There were spots that were in definite need of healing. One area had a lump; it felt as though it had been banged into something hard, probably repeatedly. It seemed his suffering never ended, but for the most part he was doing okay with this washing. As long as she avoided his more tender areas, he might have even been close to smiling. The shampoo-water mix dripped down into the pot as another cup of warm liquid spilled over Spike's head. Buffy gently adjusted his head again so that it was tilted back, keeping the water from spilling forward. When the water had finished rolling off his head, his eyes poured into Buffy's, almost pleading. He was tired; physically and emotionally. He needed to rest. Hell, she needed to rest, so she couldn't imagine how worn down he was by this point. "We're almost finished. Just warm water from now on. I have to make sure all the shampoo is out."

The warm water did feel nice against his scalp, but the hair washing was coming to an end. Buffy took a warm towel and ran it over his head, squeezing out excess water so his head wouldn't be too soaked. She then laid another dry towel over his pillows that he could lay back against. He smiled softly to himself when she put the light sheet back over his cleansed body. He would never take for granted the comfort of a sheet again. It wasn't quite a blanket, but it was more than he had had in a long time. He closed his eyes, resting them, his mind not letting him sleep just yet. Buffy and Angel, together, the image wouldn't stop nagging at him.

After collecting the bath supplies, Buffy turned towards the stairs, only stopping long enough to share a look with Angel that indicated his staying with Spike. Once she was up the stairs, Giles following along behind her, she shut the basement door, so they could have a private conversation.

"How is he doing?" Giles inquired.

"Do you care?" Buffy eyed him.

Giles sighed. "It's true that Spike and I have had our differences in the past."

Buffy raised both her eyebrows at him.

"I'm not fond of the prospect of you getting too close to vampires as a whole, but yes, I do feel for him. It disturbs me to see him in such a terrible state."

"I don't know what to do, Giles. He's in constant agony. There's nothing I can do to stop it. I tried cleaning him up in order to make him feel better, but I could tell that the only reason why he didn't yell at times was because he couldn't." Buffy sighed.

"Why couldn't he?" Giles looked at her confused.

Buffy heaved a sigh. "He can't talk. He can't make a sound. They made sure of it. It's so eerie. Spike. Quiet."

Giles grinned. "I imagine that alone is painful for him."

Buffy shared his grin for a moment before a serious look fell over her face again. "I just don't want him to be in pain. He's had enough of that. I knew that he needed to be helped after the last time I found him, but the condition that I found him in then, compared to now…and a person did this! What kind of a person could inflict such pain on someone else?"

Giles didn't respond and the truth was Buffy wasn't expecting a response. There was no answer that could be given to that question that she didn't already know. The fact that someone was crazy didn't ease her own pain. So, they stood there in silence, taking the sight they had both seen in, really processing it for the first time.

"Perhaps…"

Buffy looked up as Giles began to speak.

"Perhaps, it would be best if he didn't have to suffer."

"Well, yeah. That's what I'm trying to figure out. If you've got any suggestions, I'm all ears."

Giles cleared his throat as he chose his next words carefully. "I mean, someone like Spike doesn't have to suffer. After having a look at him I'm starting to believe that a simple staking would be more humane."

A look of fury fell over her face as she stared at Giles in disbelief. Here she was confiding in him and the best thing he had to say was, Go on. Get the shotgun. Old Yeller's in the barn. Oh, she was not going to put up with this. She was getting sick and tired of everyone's petty attitude. More than that, she was getting fed up with people still treating Spike as though he was less than human. "Excuse me?"

"I had a feeling you weren't going to take such a suggestion very well, but you have to understand if he were a human he'd have long since died from the wounds that he's been inflicted with. It's mere torture keeping him alive."

Buffy took a challenging step forward. "If I weren't the Slayer I would have died a lot more than two times by now." She stared at him in disbelief. "So, that's what this is really about. Your concern. It's just a nice way to hide your contempt for Spike. Get what you want, right? Kill him. That's what you've been all about. I bet it's the real reason why you were against me going to find him to begin with. He was gone. Out of our lives. Problem solved!"

"Buffy, that's not true." Giles spoke evenly. "I understand how it could appear that way, but it is not the case. The condition Spike is in is far more painful than anything anyone should ever have to deal with. It might be better for all parties considered, especially Spike, if he doesn't have to go through such a terrible ordeal."

"All parties considered? Like who? Me? You? There's a war on, we have time to take care of the countless casualties that are laid out in Hospital Buffy, but we don't have time to tend to Spike? Let me guess why. Oh, could it be because he's a vampire?" Buffy glared at him. "Hypothetically, what if that was me. Maybe not all of his injuries, but a good enough amount. I can take a lot more than most people, so what if I were laying down there? Would you say the same thing? It's more than most people have to deal with, so I shouldn't be bothered being helped. More humane that way?"

"It's different with a human, Buffy. It just is! A vampire goes missing no one questions it. A human goes missing and there are problems. Besides…"Giles voice trailed off.

"Besides, what?"

Giles didn't respond, but rather looked away instead.

"No, go on, Giles. Besides, what?" Buffy's voice grew firmer. "Besides, what?"

Giles whipped his head towards her. "I care deeply for you. I could never let you die."

Buffy gave him a knowing look. "I care deeply for him. I could never let him die. Human or not. Vampire or not. He's important to me. And I will not let anything happen to him again. As long as he's still here and not a pile of dust he could get better. He could go about his unlife and live forever. A forever that he'll have more than this tiny blimp of pain in. If you come at him with a stake I will stop you."

Giles stared at her dumbfounded, knowing a threat when he heard one, but chose not to say anything.

"Now, tell me about that weapon." Buffy's tone lightened as her eyes fell on the weapon she had brought back. This conversation was over. It was one never to be had again.

The smoke had cleared and Dawn figured now was as good a time as any to peak down at Spike. She didn't know if he was taking visitors yet, but if she were going to see him this was her chance, when her sister was too preoccupied with Giles to notice. She didn't know what she was walking into or if she even wanted to walk into it. She couldn't unsee anything that she saw down there. She just hoped that his guts were on the inside where they belonged. Hopefully that had been what Buffy was doing down here, making sure his guts were intact, along with any other nasty sights that might be unpleasant to look at.

As she quietly climbed down the stairs, careful to make sure she didn't wake him if he had already drifted off, she spotted Angel by the railing. If only she could get rid of him too. She had never taken to her sister's first boyfriend, or at least the first serious one. He had made her cry a lot. That was something that stuck out the most to her. It was as though the world was always ending with these two. She was older now though, she knew love was more complicated than that, though the only love she had ever really experienced had been under a love spell. Still, the past was the past. Wasn't that the whole point of her visit with Spike? The past being the past, bygones, and simply wanting her friend back?

Dawn stepped onto the cold hard ground of the basement floor, her eyes meeting Angel's, expecting him to protest her being down there. He didn't. His gaze only fell back on Spike. She couldn't tell what he was thinking, but she knew that he was brooding. Probably over Buffy and Spike, that was her theory, and she couldn't help but feel slight satisfaction from it, even if the two of them weren't really together. Even so, it was kind of nice to see him make assumptions, he was the one who had up and left her sister years before. It probably hurt though, thinking someone you care about was with someone else, having to look at it. Like the flick of a switch, she felt herself feeling sorry for him.

"I can sit with him for a while if you want a break." Dawn offered softly. The image not being quite so in his face might help and besides she didn't want an audience for the conversation she was about to have as it was.

Angel nodded before taking to the stairs. He then turned and looked at her. "He can't speak. He was…He just can't speak." Angel bounded up the stairs again leaving her free of the gory details.

Dawn took a deep breath before approaching the cot that Spike was laying in. His eyes were closed, but she could tell that he was still awake. His body was far too tense for someone's who had been sleeping. "Spike…"

He had heard every word that had been said between The Slayer and her Watcher. It seemed as though these people had a tendency to forget just how far vampire's hearing really reached. Right now, he was glad for it. Why should he be surprised? These Watchers, they wanted to do him in one way or another. Experiments or a full out dusting. Their hands were dangerous. All of their hands spoke of death. He wasn't going to be taken out that way, not by them, he wouldn't give them the satisfaction. He had listened carefully, hoping for something a bit more specific than what he was getting; a plan of some kind, but nothing had come forward. Buffy hadn't stood for the idea. He knew that she wouldn't. She wasn't going to risk herself, spend all that time caring for him, only to let him be taken out back and shot between the eyes. Well, staked in the heart rather, but the point still remained. Now, he lay there contemplating his next move. What a joke. He had to be able to move to make a next move. For now he had to put his trust in those around him to keep the Watcher's maddening ways away from him. Once he was all healed he'd be able to take care of himself and the Watcher would be wise to steer clear. You could only try to kill a person so many times before they finally took matters into their own hands. Anyone who tried coming after him again wasn't going to live long enough to see the light of day, even if they were Buffy's chums.

Spike's eyes snapped open at the sound of Dawn's soft voice; his head turned, looking at her with confusion. He hadn't said hardly two words to her since he had first come back to Sunnydale, once making himself known. He was actually fairly certain that he hadn't even said two words to her at all. He didn't hold it against the girl. The only thing he held anything against under those circumstances was himself. If he had been Dawn he wouldn't have wasted a moment before dousing him in holy water. She hadn't done that. She wasn't that type of girl, not unless you made her be, and he knew full well that if he made one more wrong move then that's who she would become. Bitty Buffy. Always had been for as long as he had known her.

That didn't explain why she was here now. It wasn't the first time he had been hurt since the start of this war. The First had done a number on him once before, taken him for a good enough amount of time, and she had paid no mind to it. So, what had changed? Unless her anger had finally reached its breaking point, and she was taking him out when he was too weak to fight.

"I was wondering if you'd mind if I sat with you. For a while at least." Dawn spoke slowly. There wasn't a trace of a threat to be found.

Spike's face only grew more puzzled, but he gave her a nod indicating his acceptance of her. When she sat down beside him there were no words to be spoken. Not at first, she couldn't bring herself to speak. She couldn't bring herself to look at him. She stared at her hands resting in her lap as if there was something uniquely fascinating about them. Finally, her body shifted a little and her face met his. There were tears in her eyes. As much as she tried to fight them, she couldn't.

"I hated you after what you did..." There was a quiver in her voice, her arms folded over her chest, a look of anger forming over her features. "I trusted you. I shouldn't have, but I didn't know any better. I only saw the side of you that listened whenever I needed to talk. I saw the guy that offered up advice. The person who would play cards with me and even saved my life. I never saw…I never bothered to remind myself of the monster that was underneath. I should have. I should have known better, because the only thing that made you different was a piece of metal in your head forcing you to be good. You weren't good. There was one thing you cared about and that was your needs. Buffy was your need and you took that need despite her own. Evil. You were always so quick to try and remind everyone that you were evil. Well, congratulations, you were right. You were evil."

He forced himself to look her in the face as she spoke. This time it was real. The words of disgust that were being shot off at him, they were the truth. It wasn't anyone pretending to be Dawn. It couldn't be. She had never died. This was for real and it wasn't anything different than the words that he had been forced to listen to lately. It wasn't fabrication designed to get under his skin. It was simple facts being stated for him to listen to and she was now proof of this.

"But…"

Spike tilted his head to the side with more curiosity.

Dawn caught the struggle on his face. It wasn't argumentative. He was taking everything she was throwing at him without complaint. He knew it to be true. It was exactly why she had finally reached the conclusion that she had come to over the time that he had disappeared. "That was then. It was then when you were evil. You have a soul now. The way I remember it, Angel has a soul, but when he doesn't he's someone else entirely. It's not him in the driver's seat. It's his demon. He's not responsible for the actions of his demon. Why should you be?"

Spike's mouth opened, but nothing came out. Nothing could come out. He wasn't entirely sure that he would have been able to form words had he had the ability in that moment. He was stunned. This was certainly nothing he had heard with The First running the show. He was disgusting and that was that. There was no sticking up for him. A demon. That's all he was. End of story. Yet Dawn, well she saw something else entirely it seemed.

Her face softened and she gave him a small smile. "I don't understand why a demon chooses to get a soul. Most don't. None do. Besides you. But then again, you've always been kinda weird." She smirked at him. "But you did get one. I know that means things are different. I know that I haven't allowed myself to forgive you even though I knew that. Even when Buffy has. But…you were my friend, you know? And what you did, I never thought you would be so…I never thought you'd do something like that, but you did it. But, it wasn't you, but it was at the time. It hurts my head just thinking about it. All I know is that I was scared when you went missing. I felt bad for feeling bad for you. I thought that this time…you wouldn't come back. It had been so long and I just wanted…" She shook her head as fresh tears spilled down her face. "I just wanted my friend back."

It was just then that she noticed how bad a shape he was actually in. It wasn't as though she could see much. He was covered up with a sheet, but there were markings covering all over his visible shoulder, he was way too thin, and if it was possible, he was more pale than usual. The sight was enough to make her feel as though her dinner were about to come up, but when her eyes hit the surgical line that ran along his body, just visible above the sheet, she really did feel her food start to move. Clasping a hand over her mouth, her own skin paling now, she stared in horror. "Oh Spike…"

He gave her a dismissive look.

Dawn shook her head. "No. It's not nothing, Spike. I've seen plenty of nothing before and this…this is not nothing!" If there was any doubt in her mind about forgiving him before, it was gone now. He had more than paid for the things that his demon had done. If he were still evil she didn't doubt that she would feel differently, but here laid someone before her that didn't deserve what they had gotten. The First was going to pay dearly for this. For the first time, Dawn felt ready for war.

The idea of being sprung from Spike watch was favorable. He felt for his childe, but he also was feeling for himself quite a bit. He'd never understand it and right now he figured it was best to get some distance between him and what he had borne witness to. However, fate had other plans for him. As he was about to go for the front door, get some air, who came down the stairs with a look of news on her face? Not to mention a sharp weapon that made him think twice about leaving before she got to share whatever it was on her mind. Buffy herself. He stopped and looked at her, trying to cover up his impatience, as she stopped in front of him.

"Going somewhere?" Buffy questioned nonchalantly.

"Just grabbing some air." Angel remarked.

"You're dead. You don't need air." Buffy smirked.

"It still feels nice." He didn't crack a smile.

"Well, we found out what this is. Or we have a better idea of it. Progress."

"That's good."

"Yeah. It's called a scythe. They forged it by…we don't know, something about a tomb on unconsecrated ground. I've gotta find out what this is, why I have it."

"And I'm sure you will." Angel shrugged.

Buffy, taking note of his lack of communication, decided to overlook it. "Is Spike alone?"

"No. Dawn wanted to see him. I decided to give them their privacy." Angel rolled his eyes. "Better hurry, break up the party, that neck of yours isn't going to bite itself."

As Angel made his way for the door once more, he felt a tight grip on his arm, before he whipped back, looking Buffy in the face. "What is your problem?"

"Nothing. I just don't feel like watching you and your boyfriend get all hot and heavy. Is that alright?"

"He's not my boyfriend." Buffy took a deep breath. Again, this was another thing that she didn't have time for, but it was also something that she needed to make the time for. If she thought about this logically, if she took a step back and really thought about this from his perspective, what kind of a reaction did she expect him to have? How would she have felt if she had to watch him bite into another woman? There may have been distance between them, but that didn't mean it had dulled the feelings in their hearts. She had loved him with all her soul years ago and that didn't get erased just because he more or less had tried to erase himself from her life. It was confusing. She was confused half the time when it came to this subject and it wasn't something that she had an answer to, yet both of her vampires wanted her to pick a path, and have that be it. The minute she was affectionate or had a kind word for one of them, the other turned into an immature child. It was exhausting, but could she blame them? All she had to do was put herself in their position, the way it must have looked in their eyes, and if she was being honest with herself, she couldn't pretend as though it wouldn't hurt her too, or that she wouldn't behave just as they did if the roles were reversed. "Angel, you said it yourself, he's hurt worse than anything imaginable. He's hurt worse than anything you would do as…" Her voice trailed off for a moment, not wanting to go there. "He's hurt really bad. He needs our help. He needs my help. I don't know what I'm doing. Everyone looks to me to know exactly what to do. It's the price of being a slayer. But for longest time, I haven't had all the answers. I haven't been able to come up with the plans that are surely going to best the bad guy. It's a full on war. Victory could go to anyone and that terrifies me. And now, on top of that, I could lose Spike. Who…who is in my heart."

Angel sighed. "That'll end well."

Buffy took a step back, the edge leaving her voice, along with her will to fight this. "And what was the highlight of our relationship? The time you broke up with me or the time I killed you?"

Angel's body relaxed, taking in her point, his bitterness leaving him little by little. "I told you. You're not alone in this. I'm here. Fighting on your side. I will help you win. I will help you save as many people going into this as we possibly can."

Buffy nodded. "I know, but you can't do that if you're going to be distracted with worry about motives behind every moment of attention that I give to Spike. War aside, it's not good for either of us if you take the role of the jealous ex."

"It's not that." Angel began.

"No, that's exactly what this is. I'm not with Spike. I'm not with anyone right now. My helping him doesn't diminish what we had, but you have to understand that what we had doesn't diminish the history that I have with him either. It's two separate things." She shook her head. "You know, I always figured there was something wrong with me, 'cause I never made it work with the men in my life. Maybe I'm not supposed to."

"Because you're the Slayer?"

"Because…okay, I'm cookie dough, okay? I'm not done baking yet. I'm not finished becoming... whoever the hell it is I'm gonna turn out to be. I've been looking for someone to make me feel whole, and maybe I just need to be whole. I make it through this, and the next thing, and the next...maybe one day I turn around and realize I'm ready. I'm cookies. And then if I want someone to eat m - or, to enjoy warm delicious cookie- me, then that's fine. That'll be then. When I'm done."

"Any thoughts on who might enjoy…do I have to use the cookie analogy?"

Buffy smirked. "I don't really think that far ahead. That's kind of the point."

"I get it." He shook his head. "I do. Right now, this isn't about us. It's about the fate of the world. It's about him getting better. I'm behind that."

Buffy gave him a genuine look. "I know you are. I saw it."

They stood in comfortable silence with one another. Nothing more needed to be said.

There had to be pain. He wasn't acting as if this were the case, but there was no way he could be this riddled in marks and not have pain. She wondered if he was putting up a tough front for her; if really he'd be whimpering if she weren't here. Oh yeah. He couldn't speak. Did that mean he couldn't make noises either? She wasn't entirely sure what was going on. Once again, people were keeping things from her. That had a little something to do with why she had wanted to come down here and see him for herself. Besides her concern, she wanted the facts right in front of her; she didn't want to be shielded. Buffy had gotten better about keeping things from her this past year, but still she was her sister, and sometimes she couldn't help but go a little over board with the overprotection. It couldn't be helped. Luckily, Dawn often worked her way around her sister's coddling if need be. This time she hadn't really given her sister a chance to coddle her.

It didn't feel strange to be with Spike after all this time. She thought it might have felt awkward given the circumstances that had taken place that lead him to his soul, but perhaps it was true, time did heal all wounds. Everything had been put out on the table. She had been able to tell him what she was feeling and he had listened, without any other choice, but she remembered Spike and her relationship of the past, so she knew that he would have listened anyway. She also knew that he wasn't simply avoiding an argument with her because of his lack of being able to speak. It wasn't that if he had his mouth to run he would have fought for what he had done in the past; show her how he wasn't to be faulted for this. The broken look on his face had said it all. He blamed him too. However, it wasn't so black and white as she had decided it was earlier on in the year. This was something she had only recently figured out. Now, after such a terrible ordeal and through another one, she was sitting here with him while speaking words of comfort to him as if nothing had ever happened. It felt natural. It was natural. She had her friend back.

Steps could be heard coming down the basement stairs and she knew immediately that it was Buffy.

"Spike needs his rest." Dawn heard from behind her.

She turned and looked at her sister, but didn't say anything. She wanted to speak up, but there were no words that she could form at the moment. The way she had thrown Buffy out of the house when she had been right, the condition that Spike was in now, Dawn wanted to find the words, but were there any words for these things?

Buffy reached for the sheet that had fallen halfway off Spike, carefully tucking it around his injured body. A nice long sleep would do him some good. She highly doubted he had been given the chance at comfortable rest since he had been away.

Dawn, knowing it was time for him to get some shut eye, made her way towards the stairs. Until she could figure out what it was that she needed to say it was probably best she didn't say anything at all.

Buffy walked a bit closer and gently laid a hand on his arm. "Are you feeling a little better, Spike?"

Spike looked at her for a moment as if thinking on it before giving a nod of his head.

Buffy nodded back at him as she removed the towel covering the pillow as she spoke. "Good. It's been an eventful day. I think we both could use a good night's rest." With that, she climbed up into the bed, and positioned herself next to him, with her face so close up to his that he could feel her breath against his cheeks.

Spike looked at Buffy slightly baffled, but the expression was missed as Buffy was too busy carefully placing herself besides him for a long night's snuggle. She then looked up at him with more affection than he had ever seen her have. She reached out a hand towards his hair, and started twirling one of his many curls around her fingers. His wild, unruly curls. It made him really wish he had a reflection. He remembered how much he had hated those curls, back when he could see them. And wondered how bad, long and brown, his hair was now. None the less, it felt wonderful to have her touch it. He closed his eyes and really took in the feel of her hands on him. the air of her breath on his face. The steady drum of her heartbeat. He could even feel her blood cursing inside of him, working its way into every part of his broken body, making it stronger and healthier.

Why did she want to snuggle with him? After the point she had made about her and Angel he figured that he probably wouldn't see her for the rest of the night. She'd be too busy getting her snuggle on with Angel rather than him. Okay, so maybe she'd tuck him in goodnight, but he never in a million years would have expected her to stay. Yet, here she was, with him. After old company of hers had shown up, the same bloke that could make her heart race, much to Spike's disliking comes into town, and he's not the one that she spends the night with? It was confusing and it was right about now that he would make some petty remark in regards to it, but that was a desire that he was unable to follow up on.

The fact remained, that she was there.

There was so much to take in. So much to try to comprehend. But right then, as he had to recognize that he was feeling good, for the first time in who knew how long this living nightmare had lasted, he didn't want to think about anything at all. That could wait. Right now he had her laying there next to him. And he had blood in his stomach, a comfortable bed to lay in, and - for the first time since he was abducted, darkness. A real night, with no alarming light shining down on him. That alone was a blessing he had started to think he'd never have again. He hadn't been able to sleep properly in all this time. How long had it been? Never mind. Now, he finally found himself becoming irresistibly drowsy, so deeply that even his constant pains from all over his body dulled down to only a faint ache that would not disturb him any for a while.

Buffy lay there, and watched as Spike eventually fell asleep. Her own sleep was not coming easily. After the active day that she had it wasn't hard to imagine why sleep was not occurring. Killing Caleb, Spike's return, Faith's death, the numerous intense conversations she had been forced to have with people, it was all so overwhelming. It was exhausting too, but the shouting in her head due to the overwhelming elements of her day kept her up nevertheless. She looked down and saw Spike's arm draped over her. He was sound asleep as he needed to be. One thing was going right at least.

Slowly, Buffy lifted his arm off of her body and placed it gently beside him. She stood up and walked a few feet away from the cot they were bunking on. A little space was needed. She needed to think her thoughts, although it was bordering on obsession, pushing her worries away would only result in strengthening them. She needed to figure something out. Spike was hurt, there was death, there was soon to be more death with war waging, things were so strained between her and her friends, it was all becoming too much. Just when she thought she couldn't take her own inner rambling, a voice was heard coming from behind her.

"Pretty, ain't it?"

Buffy jumped before turning to see The First. Well, it was The First disguised as Caleb, but it was The First nonetheless.

"You're not him." Buffy stated factually.

"No, you killed him right and proper. Terrible loss. This man was my good right arm. 'Course it doesn't pain me too much. Don't need an arm. Got an army." The First spoke in a pleased manner.

"An army full of vampires. However will I fight a bunch of…oh right, I've been doing that for years!"

"Every day our numbers swell. But then, you do have an army of your own. Some thirty-odd pimply faced girls who don't know the pointy end of a stake, maybe I should call this off." The First spoke with mock contemplation.

"Have you ever considered a cool name? Since you're incorporeal and basically powerless you could call yourself 'The Taunter." Strikes fear…"

The First quickly cut her off. "I will overrun this earth."

"You know how many monsters have said that to me?" Buffy sounded unimpressed.

"I do, since they all had a small part of me in them. Whereas I have all of me in me, so I like my chances somewhat better. And when my army outnumbers the humans on this earth the scales will tip and I will be made flesh." The First gazed down at her intimidatingly.

"Talk on. I'm not afraid of you."

"Then why aren't you asleep in your dead lover's arms?"

"Don't you dare talk about him." Buffy spoke through clenched teeth.

The First only smiled before pacing back and forth a bit. "I knew he'd prove useful for something. It wasn't exactly what I had in mind last year, when I started this project, but I have to say, this may work out a whole lot better."

"What? Using him as punching bag?" Buffy folded her arms.

"No. That wasn't my doing. It helped. But I had a bigger picture in mind than roughing the vampire up." The First explained.

Buffy raised her eyebrow. "Yeah? What would that be?"

The First smiled a smile that, strangely enough, almost looked ironic "Why does it matter? You stopped me?"

"Call me curious."

"Hmmm. What do you remember about going down to rescue him?" The First inquired.

"Why does that matter?"

"I'm just wondering how long it's going to take for you to put a few things together. You see, you may be The Slayer, but you're not all that bright. Whores like you, they never are." The First smirked.

Buffy rolled her eyes. "There was someone else down there with him. Someone human. Angel picked up on it, but they left before anything could be done about it."

"And yet the last time he was being held against his will I had a great big tough fighting Turok Han guarding the entrance to where he was being held. Did you ever stop and think about why the security around him would be lowered to, well, none at all?" The First stared at her waiting for two and two to come together.

"Wait…"Buffy stood up a bit straighter as she let her arms drop to her sides. "Are you saying that you wanted me to find Spike?"

The First gave her a patronizing smile, like a teacher might encourage a not very bright student who finally got something right. Then it chuckled. "If you had only waited a little bit longer to come down to our vineyard to kill him, Caleb could have given you all the direction you needed to get your vampire back. When you interrupted us, I was just about to fill him in, and ask him to find some convenient excuse to let you know where to go for your little rescue mission.

Buffy felt sure her confusion and disbelief was written all over her face by now. "Why?"

"You were so worried about the dangers he was going to cause with that trigger. The things that I could make him do. How about the things that he can do all by himself? Let me tell you something girlie girl, you've got something far scarier and more dangerous on your hands than you ever would have dealt with before."

The First gave Spike a look that was almost affectionate. "Now, I don't believe I'll have to destroy your little gang of companions myself after all. With what I've done to him down there, I've got your vampire back as my creature again now, with or without soul."

It gave Buffy a look of mock sympathy. "So you see, sooner or later, you'll end up going up against me and mine like all the other slayers have through the eons. Alone. Forever.

With that The First disappeared, leaving Buffy's stunned expression to fall on Spike, a vampire blissfully asleep, and an omen hanging over all of their heads.