Did I scare some of you away or something? Was the last chapter too much?
This is Chapter 26, only 6 Chapters left until the end. And I wrote them already. I am editing them. So we will be done with the whole Fic before christmas!

...then I'll be afraid of everything

The week went over pretty fast and they had tried to connect with the other group but except for Lambert and his wife no one was really interested in them being there. They had started to work with the others and Carl and the other kids were talking now and then. But nothing had really changed. Today was the movie night and Connor already woke up excited. Daryl rolled his eyes when they were having breakfast because his boyfriend seemed to have bees in his arse. Always moving and talking. Murphy and Daryl exchanged annoyed looks. "God, was he always like this?"
"Yeah. Yeh have no idea."
"Wha'? I am just happy abou' some normal life.", Connor defended himself.
"Come on, since two days yer not talkin' abou' anythin' else than that movie. I wonder if yeh moan "movies" when yeh two sleep with each other."
Daryl choked on his pancake. "What the fuck Murph'", he said.
"Why don't yeh write a note to everyone tha' we are a couple", Connor hissed. They had kept it to their group and didn't want anyone to see or know.
"Yeh really think they don't kno'? Yeh two are not always as quiet as yeh think and going to take a shower together, well..."
Daryl and Connor looked at each other. "So yer sayin' they all kno' and they are okay?"
"Yeah. Spoke to some of them and well, threatened some others. Told yeh I would protect yeh."
"Thank you Murphy", Daryl voiced.
"Aye. Everythin' for my love monkeys."
"I am just so excited and I feel damn good", Connor explained himself.
Daryl had to admit that he loved that big smile on his fiends face and the excited sound of his voice. Much better than the other feeling they all three shared - Fear. Daryl and Murphy were asked to go out and kill walkers tomorrow and it didn't sit right with one of them. Connor was annoyed and scared that he was supposed to stay inside while his two most important people had to risk their life. And the other two were afraid something might happen to Connor while they were outside. Murphy wanted to talk to Rick about it. Rick was freed from all outside activities because he had kids and so Rick could try to have an eye on Connor.
But today was "Movie"-day and Lambert had told them that there would be a movie they could watch with the kids and then an adult movie. Of Course Connor wanted to watch both movies and Daryl was happy if he could spent some time with Connor as boyfriend without fucking and cuddling. Maybe have some normality. Murphy was happy too, because movies reminded him of the past, of better days. After breakfast Murphy went to see Rick, and Connor and Daryl went to the little library someone had built in a room. He had borrowed a book two days ago and was already done with it. Daryl eyed Connor while he was scanning the back of the books. Even Daryl looked at some books, not fiction, no, he had seen the little shelf with some non-fiction books. He looked at the titles and picked one about Ireland. Connor of course had found something that looked like a thriller. "I really do love books", Connor whispered.
"I can see that", Daryl mused.
"What did you find?"
Daryl showed him the book and Connor smiled. "Aye. Better prepare yerself for moving there very soon. We are a pretty awesome and special folk."
The hunter snorted and they walked back to their room in silence. Connor threw himself on the bed, kicked his new boots off and flipped himself over on his stomach to read. His shirt was pulled up a bit and Daryl could see a bit of the tattoo. The Irishman was waggling his feet in the air and Daryl smirked. He had found himself a nerd. A really cute and awfully hot nerd. Daryl sat down on the ground, his back against the wall. He watched Connor reading, pretending he was reading too. His eyes lingering on his friends face and the little smile on his lips, that never faded since they arrived here. Daryl's eyes moved to look at the hand with the tattoo, holding one of the pages in between two fingers to flip it as soon as it was read. He watched him breathe and move his feet. Sometimes Connor seemed to be so young and so full of life but Daryl had seen the other side too. A smile was building upon his face. hell, he was so deeply in love with that man, it was ridiculous. He stood up and moved over to the bed, placed himself on top of the other man and pulled his shirt up a bit more. Daryl pressed his lips to Connor's skin. "Wha' d'yeh think yer doin' Mister?"
"Kissing my hot boyfriend."
"I want to read."
"Then read. Don't mind me. I will just kiss you." Daryl kissed more of the other guys skin and moved his hands up and down his sides. Connor pretended to read but with Daryl's touching he was soon concentrating on not to moan. Daryl was shoving the shirt up and over Connor's head. The Irishman took it off completely but then tried to read again. Daryl looked at the back of his man, the scars that were healed. His fingers tracing them and his tongue licking over Connor's spine, up to his neck, where he started biting him. Connor's head dropped to his chest and he bit his lips not to make any sound.
"Dar' stop it. I can't concentrate."
"Oh. Okay." Daryl pouted and moved his body next to Connor's. "I will sleep then, while you read."
He crossed his ams in front of his chest and closed his eyes. Connor watched Daryl's face and smirked. His man was hot for him and his eyes wandered down to his bulge, just to find a half aroused dick. Which of course, made Connor's dick twitch. He closed the book and settled it on the floor. "Mister Dixon, would yeh please continue yer kissing?", he asked playfully.
"Thought you wanted to read."
"Done with the chapter. Now I would like to feel yer hands on my back."
Daryl bent his fingers into the waistband of his mans jeans and pulled him on top of him, crashing their mouthes together and touching Connor's back. His hands trailed further down and he shoved his hands into Connor's jeans, grabbing his butt.
His lips trailed down Connor's jaw and neck until they reached his collarbone. He started sucking. Connor again bit his lip, even so it was hard not to moan. His dick was pressing against the fabric of his pants and he could feel Daryl's pressing against his middle. Connor started to move, to get some friction. His hands buried in Daryl's hair. Latter moved too to get rid of his shirt. Connor helped him and then moved down to open the hunters pants. When Daryl was naked, Connor made sure the door was locked and then went over to the bed, got rid of his clothes too and suited himself next to Daryl. Latter covered them with a blanket and laid himself on his side, opening his arms. Connor moved into Daryl's embrace, Daryl plugged one leg under his mans body and one between his legs. They were tangled together like a knot. And as soon as he was done he looked at Connor, who was staring back at him. Daryl let his hands roam over his friends back and then moving into his hair, while the other one was tugged under his head. His lips found Connor's and he gently brushed his tongue over the other ones lips. When Connor broke the kiss, he looked at Daryl and the way he had tangled them together. Like he wanted to be near him and have something sweet and loving, not rough and hard. He rested his hand on the hunters face, his thumb briefly stroking his lips and then his fingers moved on to play with the hair in Daryl's neck. Daryl closed his eyes and his lips were curled into a tiny smile and Connor sighed. He loved to see his man that open and happy and he still couldn't believe that Daryl was his. He started kissing his chin and the goatee, kissed the mole above the upper lip and let his lips wander over every piece of skin down to his chest. His tongue brushing over Daryl's nipple and his lips sucking on it. Daryl had to bite his lip because he didn't want to moan either. They went on for a while, just kissing, touching and teasing a bit. After a while Daryl's hand moved down between their legs and he started playing with Connor's balls, which made the other one moan and close his eyes. Connor felt Daryl's thumb stroking over the head of his dick, wiping the precome all over his length and then gently started stroking him in a very very slow pace. He was going to kill him. Connor moved into Daryl's hand and looked at Daryl, who had a smirk on his face.
"Patience Baby", he whispered and took his hand away, kissing him once more and playing with his hair. "Yer tryin' to kill me?"
"No. I'm tryin' to appreciate you." Daryl let his hands wander to Connor's butt, massaging it, while his lips found the other ones and his tongue battled with Connor's. His fingers drew circles around Connor's hole and Connor moaned into their kiss.
"Please", he mumbled.
"Soon."
Daryl moved to grab the bottle with lube from the nightstand, squeezing a bit on his fingers and then started stretching Connor. His fingers hitting his prostate, which made his man moan and bite down on his shoulder. Daryl was still holding him in his arms. The most valuable thing in his whole life. He was holding his heart in his arms.
When he was done stretching Connor, he kissed him and then turned him around. His right arm under Connor's body, grabbing around his chest, he bents one of his mans legs and moved himself so, that he could thrust into him. Half lying on top of him, but still gentle enough to move in a slow path. Connor was so surprised by Daryl's moves and sudden tenderness that he moaned the second Daryl pushed into him. He felt like feelings where knocking him out. Daryl started moving in a slow path and he was dying from everything he was feeling. He loved Connor so much and he wasn't able to express it right. There were no words, no way to show him. Connor was tangling their fingers together and breathed: "I love you so fucking much."
Daryl hovered over his ear and whispered back: "I love you so much it hurts. I want to be inside of you. Crawl into your skin."
Connor moved his head and Daryl wiped away the tear that was forming on his friends eyes. "Don't cry."
"I'm just overwhelmed", Connor explained.
"Yeah. Me, too." Daryl's thrusts got a bit faster, but still much slower than usual and both were embracing this closeness. Their moans coming in the same speed and Connor's dick was thrusting into the sheets every time Daryl thrusted into him. Daryl was biting down on Connor's neck and kissed his hair. He needed to see Connor, needed to see those blue eyes and the parted lips when he came.
He slipped out of him and turned him around, pulling him on top of him and pushed into him again. Connor staring into his eyes and his lips finding Daryl's again. Daryl's arms were wrapped around his man and his thrusts got harder and faster, until he felt himself coming, biting down on Connor's shoulder. He slipped out immediately and then rested Connor back in the sheets. Moving down and sucking on his balls, moving his mouth over his friends dick, his tongue licking on it and then taking it in, giving him a blowjob. Connor was close and grabbed into Daryl's hair, which made the hunter look up to him, loving the view he was having. He could never get enough of Connor's climax face. He sucked a bit harder and felt Connor explode in his mouth. He swallowed the bitter liquid and kissed his way back up until he was lying next to his man again. Connor looked at him, his hands taking Daryl's face between them and he whispered. "Daryl Dixon, I love yeh and I am glad yeh love me back. It feels better than anything I ever felt before. I am so glad we share this and I am looking forward to spent the rest of my life with yeh."
Now it was Daryl who had to hold back some tears. "Oh Connor." He buried his head on his friends shoulder and pressed him close to his chest. "I don't understand why you love me. I am not even worth a bit. I am not worth your love. You are so much better than me. You are cute and hot and intelligent. I am just a stupid redneck."
Connor chuckled. "No yer not. Yer my hero and yeh always will be. Yer brave, smart, cute and hot. Yer a fuckin' good hunter and everything I ever wanted." Daryl sighed.
"Now Baby, lets put on some clothes and go to that movie-night. I can't wait to see that happy look on your face and the sparkles in your eyes. It is a beautiful sight and makes me want to kiss you all the time. My cute lil' nerd."
Connor playfully punched Daryl but then nodded. "Aye. Let's go and have some fun."
"Conn'? What if I want to kiss you? I am sick of hiding my love for you."
They looked at each other and Connor smiled. "Then kiss me. Fuck them. Fuck Murph' and his stupid feelings. I want to cherish yeh from head to toe in every fuckin' minute of me life. So kiss me whenever yeh want and wherever yeh want."
"You changed me and I am so afraid that when you leave or die or whatever I won't survive this. I am so afraid of losing you."
Connor came closer and shook his head. "I hope we will never be separated. I would never willingly leave yeh."
"I know."
"Believe me or not. I wouldn't want to live one day without yeh. It scares me to death. It scares me knowin' tha' yeh go outside tomorrow. If yeh goin' out there I can't protect yeh an' Murph'. And protectin' the both of yeh is my job but I am stayin' here to make sure those dreams won't come true. I am not riskin' this."
Daryl nodded, kissed Connor and helped him put his Shirt back on. Daryl was so in love with him that he felt himself drowning in this feeling. For once in his life he knew what it was that everyone was always talking about and what made life worth living.
Love.
Connor.

They knocked on Murphy's door to take him with them to the movies and when they arrived they saw everyone sitting in a big room. The three of them sat next to Beth, Maggie and Glenn. Connor in the middle between Murphy and Daryl. Just like the last couple of days. They never left his side. Tomorrow would be the first time that they had to leave him. Murphy looked to Daryl and nodded briefly, before speaking to him in his thoughts. "Spoke to Rick. He's gonna have an eye on him t'morrow."
Daryl answered: "Thanks. I am still worried."
"Aye. Me, too brother. Me too."
"He is so excited today."
"Isn't it beautiful to see him like this?"
Daryl looked over to his man and then looked at Murphy who was basically mirroring his steps. "It is. It is rare."
"It always was. There is always this sadness in his eyes."
"Yeah." Daryl's hand moved to Connor's neck, gently playing with the hair. His man looked at him, smiling affectionate. "Yeh make him better", Murphy voiced in his head.
"He is making me better. You both are." Daryl replied.
Connor moved his hand upon Daryl's knee and looked down, when Daryl interlaced their fingers. Connor was happy and he loved that they were so open about their love in this moment. They belonged together and Connor was willing to give everything to Daryl. Everything he needed. Daryl whispered into his ear: "What are you thinking about?"
"That you are my everything."
Daryl smirked and looked around. No one, except Murphy was watching and so he decided to give Connor a kiss on the cheek. "Uuuh gross", Murphy joked and then shook his head.
"Shut up Murph'", Connor hissed.
"Yer makin' us all sick with yer heart eyes and yer excitement for the movie. Dear brother, yer a grown up man, not a fuckin' teenager."
"What d'yeh kno'? Yeh never were in love. yeh have no idea how it feels."
Murphy stared into Connor's eyes and then watched Daryl. "No. Yer righ'. How can I, huh? How can I possibly kno'?"
"I'm sorry Murph'", Connor replied, but Murphy was already looking at the screen, waiting for Lambert to dim the light. Connor moved closer to Daryl, leaning his head against the hunters shoulder.
The movie started and Connor smirked. When they said a movie that kids could watch too, he was expecting something like "Mrs Doubtfire" or "Hook", not an actual Disney Movie. "The Fox and the Hound", Connor whispered.
Daryl nodded. "I can read."
"No yeh don't understand. That movie is so fuckin' sad."
"I will wipe away your tears, Baby."
They watched the whole movie and Connor was sobbing like a kid, so was nearly everyone else. Even Daryl had to swallow hard and was nearly glad when it was over. As soon as someone flipped the lights back on, he took Connor's face in his hands and kissed the tears away and hugged him. Murphy was watching them, wiping his tears away. Disney movies were able to make the hardest men sob like little babies.
"The fucking goodbye scene", Connor mumbled.
"Yeah." Daryl swallowed. (*) In some weird way, they were the fox and the hound. Somehow they were friends, that would have never been friends under normal circumstances. And everyone around them, life, made it hard for them. Walkers, people and society. Even without the walkers and the apocalypse they would have to fight for their love, their friendship and their feelings.
They made a short break while the kids were moved to bed and when they were out of the room someone was bringing beer and booze in and some peanuts and popcorn. Connor's eyes grew big and Daryl chuckled. "I think it's christmas", he said and Murphy nodded. "Is he making that face?"
"Yeah. Looks funny."
"Yep. Just yeh wait until he claps his hands."
"What?" And with that Connor was clapping his hands and said: "Look. Just like the real cinema. Popcorn."
"Jesus Christ, I am dating a maniac", Daryl joked. Connor was already up to his feet grabbing three beer and popcorn and peanuts. Murphy and Daryl watched him, shaking his head. "I wish he would always be that happy", Murphy whispered.
"Why isn't he?"
"Because he can't be happy if one of us isn't."
"You aren't."
"Aye. That's why he can't be. If yeh didn't notice, he is pretending to be hard but he isn't. He has a fragile soul and is sensitive and he loves us both so much he would gladly give his own happiness away if he had to."
"I noticed. We have to make you happy then", Daryl suggested.
"That's the problem. I can't."
"Why? Because of him?"
Murphy shook his head. "No. You."
Before Daryl could say something more, Connor came back, giving them beer and popcorn. Daryl ignored Murphy's comment because it was making him angry. What had he done that Murphy wasn't happy? Taking Connor away?
The next movie was "Die Hard" and Connor was watching it with growing attention. Totally into the movie and Daryl shook his head as he looked at Connor. His man really was something.
His hand was playing with Connor's hair and he was watching Connor, while everyone else was watching the movie. Except Murphy. "Yer watchin' him watchin' the movie, righ'?"
"Yeah."
"I have done that a lot. I used to tell my mom the movie was great but told her I am not good in telling the plots. In real I didn't pay attention that often. I watched him being in his element, his nature. Being himself. Watched that childish expression and the little curled up smirk. I always tried to make him happy. I even stayed when I wanted to leave. I just couldn't leave him alone. I let him believe he had to save me. Just to see this. Daryl, I love him. He is a part of me. Seeing him with yeh makes me happy but it will never be enough for him. We can't make him completely happy. Not anymore. As much as we try. We just need to care about him, let him give what he wants to give and let him feel how much we love him. I know yeh do that already."
"Murphy, did you ever tell him, that you are in love with him?"
"No. Because I am not. He is my twin, my brother and we share one soul. I am in love with him like I am in love with a brother. Not physical and not romantically."
"But..."
"Yeah. I know yeh all think it. It's okay. It is a bit more complicated than that."
"I'm sorry Murph'."
"Don't be. It's not yer fault. I am glad yer with him. Yer making him shine."
"Thank you."
"Do me a favor. If he asks yeh how the movie was, say it was okay. And then see him talk about it. Watch his eyes, listen to every word. Listen to his wild and crazy voice and the way he moves. He won't ask me anymore. Yeh are his everything now. Yer his favorite person in this world and when he wants to share things with yeh he loves, let him. Because yeh will fall in love with him all over again. He is my little brother and I need him to be save in yer heart. Need him to be loved in every possible way. If I could, I would give my life in trade of his. But we both know that someday his and my dreams will come true. Someday he is going to die."
"Don't say that. We will protect him. I can't lose him and of course I will do you this favor. I will love to hear him talk like a kid to me. Oh Murph'..."
"It's okay Dar'. Now watch the movie."
They were watching the rest of the movie in silence but Daryl's thoughts were circling around what Murphy had said. That he wasn't in love with Connor but that they were one soul and that it had to do with him. The only other explanation was that Murphy was in love with him. Which was absolutely not possible. Maybe it was much more complicated and maybe it was something from the past.
When the movie was over, they walked back in silence, only Connor was talking all the time and both looked at him and his smiling face and the way he talked. Murphy was right, Connor looked amazing like this.
Back in their room, Connor asked him about the movie and then started talking about all the little details and mentioned that he had seen it before with Murphy and he was telling him all the things from his past and the way Murphy was unable to see the real great things in movies and he kept on talking and talking and Daryl smiled. This was the man he would have met years back, as a teenager when both of them would have been able to read all the signs. And now they would never have enough time. Even if they both survive this, they would only have 20-40 years together but with their temper maybe 20. Both would be around 60 then. Daryl looked into this sparkling blue eyes of his man. He could see the sadness in it, the sadness that never goes away. His soul was old, oh so very old and broken. From all that Murphy had said, this was the most frightening part, that someone with empty eyes like this, could be the most caring, loveliest and funniest person. They were three pieces of a whole but something was telling him that even this wasn't enough. As if Connor's soul holds a secret that only he knows. Daryl felt Connor's hand on his face. "Yer not listenin' are yeh?"
"I did but then you looked so cute. Sorry."
Connor smiled and gave him a kiss. "Wha' did yeh think abou'?"
"Nothing", Daryl mumbled and pulled Connor onto the bed. "Didn't look like nothin'."
"I thought about how it would have been if we had met earlier. If we would have been friends then or if we would have ignored each other. And it made me sad to think that I would never have met you if not for this virus. If you would have known me before that you would have killed me and Merle."
"No. I wouldn't. Yeh have Murph's face and I would have wanted to kno' why. Just like I did now."
"But yeh would never have fallen in love. And I would have never let you kiss me or touch me."
"Maybe. Or maybe we would have and we would have more time than now."
Both started rubbing their hands over each others body and Connor kissed Daryl. Latter sighed and said: "Why did your god do that? Keep us apart for so long?"
"Yeh kno' he didn't. We were together all the time. Not physical but our souls connected very early. I kno' yeh and Murph' talked earlier. And I guess he told yeh abou' my soul. Didn't he?" Connor's face was serious and Daryl nodded.
"Yeah. Said you always look sad."
"Aye. Yeh kno' ever since we were born there was this thing inside of me. Tha' thing tha' told me tha' I will die soon. Tha' this is my last chance to right my own wrongs. My mum always told me tha' my soul seems so much older than Murph's. And I guess...I guess I was born to save both of yeh and kill mobsters. I am a tool and after this life..Well...I think my soul is too old to be born a new." Daryl shook his head. "No Conn'. You will live again. How else would Murphy's and my soul survive?"
"In finding each other."
Connor sighed. It was much to take and a lot of maybe's and a lot of esoteric crap. A lot of darkness to carry around for a lifetime.
"Maybe you are wrong. It is all your idea. God has other plans. Must be. He won't take a soul like yours away. I love you, Baby."
"I love you, too. We should sleep now. Yer havin' a hard day tomorrow."
"Yeah." Hard because he would be worried about Connor.
They took off their clothes and lay down and soon Daryl heard Connor's breath even out, while he was staring at the ceiling, playing with his mans hair. He was afraid to go out tomorrow and Daryl Dixon was afraid of nothing. Except not seeing this man ever again. He was afraid to lose him.
Afraid of being ripped away from him.
Of being alone.

(*): "We met it seems, such a short time ago. You looked at me, needing me so. Yet from your sadness, our happiness grew. Then I found out, I need you, too. I remember how we used to play. I recall those rainy days, the fires glowed, that kept us warm. And now I find, we're both alone. Goodbye may seem forever, farewell is like the end. But in my heart's a memory, and there you'll always be." (It is not a Fox and Hound scene but a scene between the old Lady and the fox. And somehow it still fits.)

I just...You all should enjoy this sweetness. It has a reason.