Chapter 18 – Listen to me!
There was no time to think anything through. There was only action and as Spike continued to make his way down the hallway, he felt the urgency pushing at him in his stomach. He felt the sinking sensation that reminded him that missing this shot was not an option. A sizzle of wired energy went through him, the full clear focus of building up to a big fight, the rush of adrenaline. Those jolts of it, that rarely failed him when it really mattered. He felt fit, focused and ready. The Slayer of Slayers was back.
He didn't fancy the thought of murdering people, though it was hard to be apologetic for it too when they were trying to do the very same thing to him. You had to protect yourself in this world, because if you didn't you wound up strapped down to a table. You wound up having your lungs ripped out right in front of you! You wound being studied by a group of supernatural scholars. Over his dusty body that was going to happen! Still, the Scoobies and Angel's Avengers were on to him now, knew he was after blood. Of course, it seemed they figured that it could be anyone of them that was good for the taking, but he had no desire to go after the rest of them. Why would he? In fairness, they couldn't see what Wesley was doing. He came off just as innocent as the lot of them. Sodding fools, they were.
He needed to reach Giles without the lot of them spotting him, as they seemed to be hanging about. He had showed his hand before. He had allowed himself to lose himself in the moment, in the blood, and what should have been the defeat of his foe. He should have sensed that the others were coming. He had buggered up, what else was new? His plans usually were about 50/50 for that reason. He got ahead of himself, jumped too far ahead too soon, and didn't pace himself. He had abilities. He had skills that he had picked up over the years, so he figured he needed to actually use them this time. He could sense the team all around, going about their day, with great tension, but they were going about it as best they could. He knew there was discomfort due to his presence and what he had done to both Wesley and Wood. It didn't take a genius to figure that much out, but even so they tried to be good little soldiers and carry on just the way they always did.
Regardless, good soldiers or not, they would be on the lookout for him. They'd be waiting for something to happen, which was why he needed to be extra careful with every move he made.
"I'm fairly sure that I left that volume downstairs, but I'll check to see if it's in my bedroom." Fred's voice rang out.
Spike quickly turned and ducked down the hallway. It was only a few moments later that he heard her moving across the floor before opening the door to her room. It was when he heard the click of the door shut that he began to make his way down the hallway once more. As he rounded another corner, and nearing more stairs, he heard Fred comment a ways off, back in her room, "I must be losing my mind. I don't remember leaving this here."
He shook his head and began moving up the stairs now. Who needs an alarm system when he had ears like his, and that wasn't the only incident that the natural devices that he had been given proved useful. Based off the scents that was all around him, he could tell that Gunn was in the elevator, so it was better to avoid that area altogether. He could also tell that Dawn had just been up here, but had suddenly turned and made her way in the opposite direction. As he took a few more steps forward, he noted that Gunn was now off the elevator and back on the first floor, but, even so, Spike figured the elevators were a good idea to continue to keep away from.
It didn't matter now anyway. He was where he needed to be, outside The Watcher's room. The bloke hadn't bothered to shut his door and Spike could only smirk at the vulnerability that Giles had put himself in. It made it easier, though a knock on the door, and then avoidance of the peephole would have been easy enough to gain entry into his room, but this sped the inevitable up so much more.
Spike slowly opened the door up a bit more, deciding not to do a dramatic entrance, given that he didn't fancy acquiring the attention of the others around him. They were far enough off for now, and, to get this job down, that's how they needed to stay. They had a nasty habit of joining forces together and saving the day at the last minute. He wasn't going to have any of that this time.
The door clicked closed as Giles turned back, folding his arms at the sight of the vampire entering his room. Even troubled, or angry, the bloke always seemed to have a controlled way about him. Spike didn't know that peaceful was the right word for him, but if one were to use such a word to describe the man's overall tone, they would also have to point out the fact that this was merely a rouse Giles had. The mate was no more peaceful than anyone else. There was a darkness in him, an edge, and though there were lines that a person of good was never supposed to cross, with just how controlled Giles seemed to be, he could figure that The Watcher had crossed them a time or two.
"You shouldn't be in here." Giles stated calmly.
Spike didn't speak, but continued to glare his way, studying his foe the way a predator takes in their prey before initiating an attack.
Giles placed his hands in his pockets and shared the gaze for only a moment before looking off for a second. "Buffy is trying very hard to save your life."
Spike's lips curled into a smirk, but he didn't speak. He took a step forward, not wanting to waste any time. He had his target within sight, there was no one around, and old Rupert here might be able to do well enough in a fight, but Spike wasn't an ordinary vampire, now was he? He was too old for this chap. Too strong now. Giles should have thought about that before he agreed on signing Spike up as his science fair project.
"You are going to want to take a step back now." Giles warned.
"I won't allow you to take me." Spike's eyes gleamed yellow and his fangs came out as he shifted. He quickly got down on the ground, upended the chair he used and sweeping Giles legs out from underneath him while clamping down on top of him.
Giles didn't have time to respond to the strange statement that the vampire had made, but he also didn't allow for this moment of being taken off guard to be enough to throw him completely. He lifted his leg up, flailing wildly with it, failing to land any kick, but succeeding at creating a distraction, while he pulled a cross out of his pocket, trying to keep him down with the holy weapon.
Spike let out a laugh when he felt the burn come from the cross, neither bothered or put off by the tool. He had long since overcome his fear of a little burning, and, since when didn't a punk rocker get off of on pain? He lifted his hand up, grabbing hold of the cross, ignoring the sizzling that came from it. He ripped it out of Giles hand, much to his surprise, and threw it clear across the room. He grabbed Giles by the neck, standing up himself now, and pressed Giles to the wall behind him. He lifted his hands up, ready to snap his neck, and end this nightmare once and for all.
Spike gazed down, seeing Giles hand reaching to the side of him, but whatever it was that he was trying to grab at was very much out of his reach. It was when Spike looked back, that he felt Giles head crash against his own, dizzying him for a moment, as Giles had got himself free.
A ferocious growl came from his throat as he silently cursed at himself for letting his victim go free due to a second of careless distraction. He didn't have a moment to waste. He was done playing games, but Giles there only seemed to be just getting started. He threw a punch towards Spike, but his efforts were met with a laugh. Of course, this reaction only fueled Giles further, throwing another punch his way and getting his leg up, kneeing Spike in the stomach.
Spike wasn't too put off from these moves. He growled once more, showing his threatening fangs while doing so. Did Giles really think he was going to be able to fight him and subdue him all the way to England? Perhaps he was going to take a page out of Wood's book and cheat by bringing a tranquilizer along for the ride. That's what it was going to take; he figured it, being knocked out completely to get him there. So, Spike tried for the sweeping motion once again, but Giles saw it coming, jumping out of the way. Spike knew he had given Giles a bit of an opening with his distraction moments before.
With newfound aggression, Spike popped back up, sending his fist flying into Giles face. He felt the glass of Giles' glasses shatter against The Watcher's face, the feeling of it ripping against his knuckles. Small scratches formed around Giles eyes, and Spike used the opportunity to knee Giles once more in the abdomen, bringing him down on the bed. It was his turn to be on top this time. Spike grabbed hold of Giles head, once more, ready to snap it clean, when suddenly, everything stopped.
Giles had reached over, grabbed the small bowl of ingredients from under his pillow, and thrown it on the attacking vampire's back, while channeling his full energy into it. A potion made ready to go, Giles having figured it to be useful to arm himself against Spike if he were to get out. Right now, he figured his paranoid idea a very good one indeed. Of course, for the moment, he was stuck in the vampire's clutches instead, with his head in a rather uncomfortable position.
"Ah. Hello. Can…Can someone help me?" Giles awkwardly called out.
A scream can be heard a long way in a house full of anxious people. Soon they were all gathered in Giles' bedroom, taking in the spectacle before them.
"Eh, ok." Xander said, taking charge, as he could see nobody else was going to. "Willow, you keep an eye on the spell, see that it holds. Everybody else: Operation rescue." He and Gunn moved up towards the tangled vampire and watcher on the bed, while Buffy and Dawn stood back, and beheld the scene before them in stunned passivity. They turned the pair around, to get Giles on top, and pried and prodded until they were able to get enough distance between Spike's fingers to extricate Giles from his grip.
Then they all stood in a circle on the floor, studying the frozen vampire in their midst. Giles grimaced and rubbed his sore neck, before setting his eyes into Buffy. "You know what this means, right? I have every sympathy with you not wanting to retraumatize Spike, after how long he was locked down. But I unfortunately believe that my neck cannot take much more trauma than this either. We need to know that we're safe in our own house - everyone. There's no other option."
Xander gave the whole scene a pensive gaze and nodded. "I really think it isn't. I'll go get the chains, and my equipment."
Buffy looked from Giles, to Spike, and back again, going completely rigid. Willow followed her gaze with a deeply concerned mien, and stuttered "I'm so sorry! This is all my fault. I should've built a stronger barrier. I should've been around more to check it's strength, I ... shouldn't have let it come to this!"
"No." Buffy told her, softening a little bit, and taking Willow's hands. "You did all you could. I'm very grateful for it. And you did warn me that the spell most likely would be unstable. If anything, it is my fault, for insisting that we'd try it anyway.
The guys carried Spike off to his room, Willow and Buffy, still holding hands, left together in the opposite direction. Dawn remained standing on the same spot, staring emptily into the now empty room, and trying frantically to sort out the ramifications of what had just happened.
***************************************************
"We have a kitchen the size of at least two rooms, and, yet, we order Chinese food." Buffy mused.
"You're not about to go all Mrs. Brady on us and try to make a home cooked meal, are you?" Dawn snorted.
Buffy looked towards the vast amount of people hanging out at the reception counter and shook her head. "For all of you people? No way."
As the team began to dig into the pile of boxes containing their dinner, Fred quietly made her way around the corner. Buffy caught sight of the entrance of where she came from, the hardly used kitchen that she had just been talking about only moments before. She knew she couldn't have a normal dinner. Spike was still very much in the back of her mind, the thought of him chained up there like some wild animal ate away at her appetite enough as it was. There was nothing else that could be done, not for now anyway. She needed to power through, keep her strength about. Still, the fact that Fred was coming from that direction raised questions, and, in the pit of her stomach, she had a feeling that it meant more problems.
Fred caught Buffy's questioning look as she reached for some food herself with a casual shrug. "Spike didn't feel like eating as it turned out. I guess I'm not surprised, given, well, everything." She paused reflectively for a moment before shuddering a little as she spoke. "He was kind of in a mood too."
Gunn, who was gently reaching around Fred, couldn't help but overhear the conversation that was being had. He looked at her with concern, and, clear, lack of patience for the bleach blonde menace who seemed to be terrorizing everyone that came into his path. "What do you mean he was in a mood? He didn't try to hurt you, did he?"
"Well, maybe my feelings a little." Fred stated lightly before recognizing the tension that was rolling off him. "It's not a big deal. He was just a little snippy. I'm fine."
"It is a big deal!" Gunn put his food down, the room going silent at the sound of a fight about to break out.
"Hey." Xander stepped forward, trying to stop this before it really started. "Just take a breath. We know Spike isn't exactly himself right now."
"I'm really starting to think that Spike is himself." Gunn shook his head, completely unable to grasp why still there were people in this room who didn't seem to understand what Spike was and just how he was going to remain. "I've done a bit of reading of my own since he's started to show this side of himself. I may be good in a fight, but I can read a book too. He's not exactly someone I'd like to fight side by side with in an alley."
Buffy glared his way. "Did you read up on Angel's past too? Because if Spike is William the Bloody then Angel sure as hell would have to be Angelus." A pained expression masked with anger flashed across of her face, "And I know for a fact what the difference between a souled and a soulless vampire looks like."
"No, you think you do. You've made it real cut and dry in your head. I wouldn't normally hold that against you, but you've got to lead. You've got people you have to look out for, a world that you've got to look out for, and your eyes are blinded by this…vampire." Gunn spat the last words out. "I respect Angel. I, too, know the difference between him and Angelus. I know the soul really actually helps in his case. Spike, I'm starting to think is just a bad guy no matter what condition he's in."
"That's not fair." Xander chimed in.
"He's been through a lot." Buffy spoke through gritted teeth. "You try being tortured for a month and we'll see how sane you are once you come out of it."
"But, he's attacking people, Buffy." Dawn spoke up with slight hysteria in her voice. "He nearly killed both Wes and Giles. This violent streak in him just doesn't seem to end, no matter what's going on with him!"
Everyone's eyes set on the younger Summers. Buffy's shot daggers. But Gunn nodded approvingly. And Giles looked almost proud of her.
She calmed down a little, and confronted her sister with icy determination. "We need to do what it takes to make sure no one else gets hurt. He's not the only one that matters"
Dawn knew he wasn't a monster, but he acted like a monster. His fangs and hands were as deadly now as they had been when he didn't have a soul. She knew he had been through a lot, and really felt for the wrought up emotional state that he was in, but this was also a common trait in him. When he was feeling out of shape, someone else all too often got to suffer from it. It only made sense that it was that way before the soul. She still remembered all too well the last incident that happened before he went to get it. He had hurt her sister! Real, badly. And she had always, in some secret well locked own, place in her mind, wondered if that was partly her fault. She had been down to see him, to tell him how hurt Buffy was by him sleeping with Anya, and imply that she wanted him back. She hadn't taken into consideration how that may be interpreted in a twisted, vampiric way.
He had a soul now though. He thought like a human, had a normal moral mind frame. She knew that, but... He was hurting now, too. What if the soul didn't make enough of a difference? Once again, violence seemed to be his answer to mounting problems. She didn't know what to think of this.
In either case: her voice had been heard. She was real in this group. She was starting to wonder if they had privately declared her Eternal Wallflower. Now she could see everyone's eyes directed at her. Nodded approval from Giles and Gunn, shock and frustration from Xander - and Buffy.
Yes, Dawn knew that these weren't words Buffy wanted to hear. Would Buffy hear her anyway? Would anyone hear her if she just went along like her sister's mouthpiece in this? She was more like a fly on the wall of a room just watching everything happen around her. She was no more than a casual observer these past few months. Correction! Past few years! She felt herself slowly disappearing, being pulled under a pit of quicksand that wasn't working so fast. She needed to scream out that she was an adult, a real individual, with sway, and valid input! What did it take to be seen as a living, breathing person who worked hard for this group and deserved equal membership that the others seemed automatically granted?
Dawn suspected that now Buffy would have no other choice but to hear her, because she had gone and done one of the more forbidden acts in Buffy's book of late. She had spoken against Spike. She had broken the golden rule and it would most likely force Buffy to finally recognize that she was there. And if her input and reasoning on this matter could contribute to allow her to finally be taken into serious consideration as a valued member of the Scoobies among the other faction of the gang, then that was an added bonus. This was her chance to stick to her guns, keep her chin up, and prove herself.
"Thank you!" Gunn sighed with slight relief, interrupting Dawn's thoughts. "Someone who has their head on their shoulders."
"I am afraid that they're right, Buffy." Giles sighed exasperated. "Obviously, before his soul, he was a problem. But even after, we have heard of him murdering people, now; he's attacking people in this hotel. It's time we stop arguing this and start doing something about it."
Buffy turned around, disbelief across her features as it filled more and more with fury. "You can't honestly be holding when The First turned him into its puppet against him, are you? He was hardly responsible for what happened when they placed a trigger in him."
"I know it doesn't seem fair-" Giles began.
"That's because it's not." Xander interrupted.
"The First may very well not have been his fault." Giles continued. "His fragile state of mind may very well not be his fault either, but there is always a reason for such behavior. Meanwhile, while everyone is too busy taking care of him, people are losing their lives."
"So, the fact that people keep victimizing him suddenly means nothing." Buffy folded her arms. "It's the victim's fault. That's what you're saying, because, what? Their pain is an inconvenience to you? It'd be easier to just not have them around? That way you're not put out?"
"I'm not saying that. I don't appreciate the insinuation." Giles responded more evenly.
"Are you sure? Because I don't admire your staying power as a trauma therapist. You were quick to run away when I was brought back from the dead. Take off to England when I was in pain. Yeah, that's a real good time to have someone stand on their own." Buffy found herself surprised by her own words, anger that she had felt when he had left, but simply shoved to the side as time went on. She hadn't forgotten, but it was a pain she seemed to have subconsciously ignored. Now, with this pattern he seemed to had taken up, all was being revealed, even to herself.
Giles stepped back as though he had been slapped. "One does not have anything to do with the other. I was trying to do the best thing by you."
Buffy put her hands up. "This isn't about that. Not completely. It's what you do, lately. You take the easy way."
"I am trying to put the greater good ahead of everything else, because that's what people in our position have to do. That is not always an easy thing to do." Giles stated all too knowingly. "We do things we're not proud of. We make sacrifices, because sometimes there is no other choice."
"He's one of us." Xander stated. "I've had my issues with him over the years, even after he had a soul, but…I lived with the guy…I saw him…I saw him do the work that everyone else was doing to help Buffy, to help us, and to help the world. Vampire, or not, he's one of us now. He went to great lengths to achieve that, when he went and actually sought out a soul. That makes him worthy of some consideration. We're no better or worse than him. And…we don't kill our own." Xander paused. "And I know that's what you're suggesting."
"He's not one of us. He's nowhere near one of us." Gunn shook his head. "From the time he's been here he's been nothing but violent in one way or another."
"Tortured for a month." Xander repeated Buffy's notion from before. "What if it was anyone else, who wasn't a vampire? Would you suggest just taking a gun to their head?"
"Let's just cut right through the crap. He's a vampire. He's less than human to you three, that's what this is." Buffy stated outright.
Was that what Buffy really thought? Dawn felt a lot of things right now towards Spike, but the last thing she thought was that he was less. She didn't have to question herself, she didn't think Spike was less. This was still her friend that she was talking against. This was the man that had taken a number of beatings for her. This was the man who had taken care of her, been there for her when tragedy struck so many times while everyone else left her behind. Was she leaving him the dust now? She had turned to him so many times for comfort, for company, and he had given it to her despite his demon.
He was her friend, that was the thing of it. He was her friend and she was speaking against him. Right now, when he was going through a really hard time, was really out of shape, and needed her help. The very thought made her feel like utter crap. How was she going to live with herself for doing it?
She was just going to have to find a way to be able to, even if it never felt right. It was too late to back down now. She finally had everything she had been longing for for so long. She had Buffy's full attention, she had a support group, she had a voice in the gang. The fact that she had it all for the wrong reason would just have to be.
"Buffy-" Dawn tried to speak out as her features softened, but the sternness in her voice remained as she tried staring her sister down.
"Don't, Dawn. If you think we can just kill him, when we wouldn't kill 'one of our own', you clearly think vampires are less. It's a prejudice. You all are prejudiced against someone with a soul, because they don't match your kind."
"We've argued this already. We can keep arguing it till we're blue in the face. It's different with a vampire. It just is! He's got extra strength to him, extra everything to him that a human doesn't have." Gunn kept going when he saw Buffy's mouth open for a protest, interjecting over her. "And I know what you're going to say, because you've said it before, and you're right, we wouldn't kill you if you were the one who had gone mad. But you don't have a demon buried deep down inside of you like he does. That's the difference whether you see it or not. It's not the same as you."
"It is the same. His demon isn't in control." Buffy practically shouted. They were willing to twist and twist this, ignore the facts, just because they were so hell bent on being right, on hating on every vampire but Angel, well, at least Gunn anyway. It was amazing how everyone could witness the same incident, have the same facts, but the room would be split right in the middle. To her, it showed the open minded and the closed minded, or, the forgiving and those who needed to be consumed with bitterness for whatever reason. The unfortunate part of all of this was seeing her sister's own bitterness surface out of the blue. Her own sister had not only turned on her, but on Spike who had gone above and beyond for her on several occasions. She didn't know how that sat with her yet. She could hardly think straight with shouting match that had been taken up yet again.
"His demon seemed like it was bloody well in control when he tried to kill me!" Giles shouted.
Giles voice ringing out interrupted Buffy's thoughts, causing her to take a step backwards when an angle she had been overlooking hit her right in the face. "Giles…" Her voice trailed off.
"I see that it's okay for my life to be taken, the lives of others to be in danger, just so long as we do the politically correct thing by making sure we're not being prejudiced against the fanged killer." Giles glared at her. "The people you love, who have backed you up for years, put their lives in harm's way to help you out, apparently they can be sacrificed."
Buffy tensed up at his hurtful words. How could he think she was seeing things so black and white? She realized, in that moment, she could have worded things a bit better, taken their side into a bit more consideration without becoming so defensive, but it was a difficult balancing act to do. She could feel Spike's life on the line; she could feel him slipping between her fingers. She had to get through to them, but clearly this was not the way. Was it too late for any other approach? "Of course, I don't believe that. You know I don't believe that." She paused. "It's not okay what he did to you. I didn't fight anyone on restraining him after that happened. I want everyone safe and I'm sorry if it looked as though I didn't care. I do care. I care very much, but that doesn't mean I'm ready to give up on someone else that I care about. It doesn't mean that everyone should overlook what he's been through either."
"Your care for him is getting in the way of your judgment. You've only proven that time and time again since you've gotten here." Gunn pointed out.
"And since we've been in Sunnydale." Dawn spat.
Buffy took a deep breath, trying to remember this balancing act she needed to do, if she was ever going to be able to get through to any of them. "Dawn, you cared for him just as much as I did at one time. Even, even after he got back from being taken by Wood. You made up with him. You saw that he changed."
"I thought he had. I was wrong." Dawn folded her arms.
"He's been traumatized." Buffy reasoned, though in her head she was screaming, how many times do I have to say that?
"Now, he's traumatizing everyone else. My God, Buffy, can't you see. He's tearing everyone apart. He's tearing this group apart. We keep letting him. Something has to be done." Dawn shouted.
Buffy nodded. "Something does need to be done. He's restrained. It's a temporary solution, but we need to find the right way to help him."
"He's clearly in distress. Mentally. I don't think that's permanent. Not if he's given the right help." Xander expanded on Buffy's point.
"There are no vampire psychologists. So, I fear, it could very well be permanent. How long do we live in danger before that is determined?" Giles inquired.
"I say, we don't." Gunn reached into his pocket, taking out a stake. "I say we end it now. Quick and clean. He's out of misery and we're out of danger."
Buffy's eyes widened, stepping in front of him. "Don't you dare go near him with that!"
"I'm not putting my friends at risk any longer. I already got one in the hospital. Who knows what he would have done to Fred before had he not been restrained!" Gunn shouted.
"Well, he didn't seem threatening, just, well, he was just a little snippy. I don't think there anything to worry about, honest." Fred weakly attempted to make the situation better, though she knew it was already way out of hand.
"That's only because he was restrained. He knew he couldn't make a go at you, but I'll be damned if I take the chance on what might happen if he figures out how to get free again." Gunn stated firmly.
"Put the stake away." Buffy spoke through gritted teeth.
"No." Gunn responded stubbornly.
Buffy put her hands on her hips. "I dare you…no…I dare the whole room to try to get past me and up to Spike." She took a step forward, almost casually, "Go ahead. Try and get by me."
The room was silent for a moment, eyes on Gunn, watching what he might do next. Slowly, he put his stake to the side and shook his head.
"He's really got you brainwashed, doesn't he?"
Buffy shook her head, "You don't know the first thing about me. Stop pretending you do. You keep wasting your breath as if you know my life, my relationship with him, but you don't know me. You don't know him for that matter. You're so wrapped up in your bias that you'd rather live there than make a well informed decision based on real fact."
Gunn laughed. "You act like you know me. I work for a vampire. I've faced Angelus and I had him in a cage. I could have shot a wooden arrow through his heart when no one was looking if I wanted to, but I didn't. There was a chance to get Angel back, so I cared enough to take that chance. But, Spike, he's gone. He's doing this with a soul. He's not coming back. That's the fact."
"I'm going to really enjoy proving you wrong." Buffy smirked.
"Well, it appears that we still remain in a standstill." Giles pointed out.
The room remained silent, dinner forgotten, tensions continuing to rise, and the knowledge that if Buffy blinked Spike could be gone.
"Clearly, tensions are running high. We don't want to make a fight out of this. Xander, I presume you locked him up well and proper, so that the chances of Spike escaping is rather slim?"
"Sure" Xander verified. "Locks and bolts of that calibre ought to be enough to keep down a Fyarl. And they're well tightened."
"Then we have some time. Let's settle this at some point when we are a little less upset, and hopefully thinking a little clearer, all of us. "
"Won't change anything" Gunn grumbled. "Maybe not." Giles conceded. "But Buffy insisted on a chance to prove you wrong. I say we'll give her one. A little more time. No decisive action this week at least. Ok?"
"Ok" Gunn accepted, giving Buffy his stake, and a challenging look along with it. "Next week!"
Buffy ran down the hallway, and stumbled into a vacant hotel guest room pretty much at random. She made sure to close the door properly, and pushed a dresser in front of it, before she sank down on the bed in the center of the room and succumbed to the pressure, finally allowing her throat to get sore and tight, her hair undone and her eyes puffy.
She tried to decide who of them she was most angry at. Not Gunn. She barely knew him. She couldn't call his attitude a betrayal.
Dawn! A much better candidate. She was her sister, dammit! Wouldn't she care? Hadn't she learnt what they did - and not did when things got rough, and one member of the gang tried to kill the others? There was no excuse for her! It seemed that turning her back on those that used to matter to her was becoming her favorite pastime. First her own sister and now Spike, God, what was wrong with her lately? Was this some sort of weird rebellious stage that was coming out in such a violate, and now, dangerous way to those around her, because a teenage Scooby can't have a normal rebellious stage? Why couldn't she just go out and get a tattoo or a piercing or something? Maybe write some dark, angry poetry? Instead, she had to join up with "Team Staking" for the win. She thought Spike was out of control. No! She was out of control. They both were out of control…but Spike had a reason. She felt a pang of guilt go through her. She had coddled Dawn too much, but not coddled her enough. Her sister has seen too much, but maybe not seen enough to understand. Still, there were basic rules, values that the group shared that Dawn knew. Like, say, you don't form an alliance against one of the group members. You just don't! Her sister, she feared, had become too good at that. Buffy found herself curling up into fetal position, suddenly sorely wishing she was young and innocent again, and snuggled up against Mr. Gordo. Dawn desperately wished herself older and with more say, and Buffy just wanted to be young and free once again.
So yeah, she was still mad at Dawn for this. Giles? Maybe. But she noticed in some cold and weary place in her heart that she had kind of expected something like this from him by now. She knew he cared about her, and always meant well with what he did, but he did have a cynical way of solving problems some times. It was just part of who he was. And really, he had just that same day been attempted murdered himself. The Slayer could find perfect logic in how he'd want to send the vampire who attacked him off. Buffy, however, could not.
And thinking about it, that was what made her the maddest. That they still considered staking an option in this. That members of her own gang could ever consider this as just another, true enough a lot more tragic, case of vampire slaying. It so sure as hell was not! How could they not see that? Spike was in a lot of pain, and terrified. She had failed him. She had tried her darnest to help him out, and barely even managed to keep him from dusting himself. And now when that seemed to be at least somewhat kept at bay, she had to start keeping the others from doing it? What a mess! She grunted, and beat the pillow, and sobbed her eyes out, relieved that no one could see her right then.
"You're crying"
Buffy jumped, and spun around. "Do you have to sneak up on people like that? And didn't you notice the door was locked?" Angel smiled self-consciously. "I don't really have a need for doors." "Well, it's common courtesy" Buffy pouted.
He sat down on the bed and indicated for her to get back down with him. "So, what's the latest development in our crisis in progress?" Buffy chuckled a little, sat down and filled him in. He listened attentively, nodded, and looked at her in warm concern as she relayed the events of the recently concluded dinner gathering. "... so, there you got it. Can you see... what's gotten into them?! I mean, this should be handleable, right? It's just your average problem where one member in the gang goes ballistic and the others find a good way to sort them out. I bet your gang has had a few of those too, right?" Angel chuckled, and nodded grimly.
"You're right." he grumbled. "Spike can be a real pain some times, and god only knows how many times I've wanted to kill him over the years, but to seriously consider it..." He growled. "That's just not gonna happen! He's got a soul. And going through a really hard time. I think normally they would get it. But the guys here have been a pretty tight gang for a while now; we have all lost someone already, and are terrified of losing anyone new. A "ticking bomb" problem inside the gang is, I guess, the last thing people feel up to handling right now. We're all hurting. We're all tired of it. We've all got frayed nerves."
He looked over at her, and saw her tense up and scowl at him. "What's with all this understanding? I let you stay here to be on my side".
"I am on your side. I'm trying to help." He admitted, somewhat begrudgingly on the person of topic, but it was true nevertheless. "But the first step to solving any problem is understanding it". He added with a knowing smile.
"Understand this. They've openly admitted they're reacting this way and treating Spike differently because he's a vampire. Because they can." Buffy spoke, shedding more light on the situation.
"I think they're using that as an excuse, because they're afraid of more loss. It gives them support to act on this fear." Angel spoke reasonably before sighing with slight exasperation. Spike never failed to give him a "Spike shaped" headache, but even he knew it was a necessary evil to handle this. Someone besides Buffy had to be looking out for the pain, someone who could actually bring perspective that would be heard. "Don't worry. I'll handle this. We all need to get together and sort this out in a more organized manner. I'm gonna call a meeting, and set some ground rules in place for how this whole extended gang is to operate together. This matter needs to be dealt with in a civilized way, before the whole gang shatters from it. Nobody wants that!"
"We seem to be half way there already" Buffy mused gloomily. "Are you sure another talk is gonna do anything about it? I seem to remember it was all too much talking that happening down there right now."
"Well, let's give it a shot, shall we?" Angel insisted. "Like you said, this isn't our first crisis. I know my gang. I think I might be able to straighten them out on a few things here. Make them listen. I believe there must be a set of misunderstandings here. Spike wouldn't attack the watchers just for the fun of it anymore." Then he added, with a glum understatement "getting a soul kinda does suck all the joy out of that." He rolled his eyes. "So, we need to get to the bottom of this, see what kinda snag started this whole vendetta against them." ... "I believe I should call in Lorne for that. He's the guy who's good at this stuff, of getting people to pour their hearts out." he added in an afterthought.
"Well, I don't know if this is gonna work" Buffy commented. "But I'm happy you're taking care of it, so that I don't have to." They shared a long sad look, and she rested her still wet cheek on his non-corporeal shoulder, sinking deep into it. "I so wish you had a body I could hug right now." she pouted. Then suddenly, she felt a sharp impact on her shoulder, like someone was punching her. She looked up in alarm.
He straightened himself up too, and stared at his right hand. Then at her, before he did it again - focused on her intently, and shot his fist forward to bump her in the shoulder. She looked up at him in awe. "What ... how do you feel ... does this mean you're on the way to solidness again?" "I don't think so..." Angel mused. "It doesn't feel like it". He looked at his hand again, and drove it through the wall behind them. "No. As ghostly as ever" he commented. "But you know ghosts. We're known to be able to rattle things. I believe the common lore says that ghosts operate on willpower, rather than physical might." He stopped himself in his reasoning, and gave her a warm gaze. "Suits well at least, since there's nothing I want more right now than to be able to touch you." She returned his gaze and lit up into a warm smile, before she pulled herself into his lap, and got herself fully engulfed in Angel-spirit, in the closest they could come to a non-corporeal hug. "Keep working on it" she muttered. "Maybe you'll be able to cuddle later."
**************************************************
Spike was cold. Not just the regular no own body heat version of it. Icy, piercing cold, down to the innermost of his soul. The kind of cold that, unlike the harmless physical version, could have him curl up under the blankets and shiver. His head was a swirl of fog that was steadily darkening. How the hell could this have happened?
Oh, he understood how it had happened. He knew perfectly well that all of this gang, that he had found himself in such an unnatural association with, was never really his friends. Vampires didn't have friends. Unless they were Angel. But, he had somehow had the idea, especially after they explicitly denied him to make it happen, that none of them wanted him dusted. And still, when Giles, the one person who had made it explicitly clear that he wanted to see him dust, and who was in allegiance with the Council who had expressed that they wanted even worse things, came back and he tried to defend himself against the Watcher's soon to come attacks, they were all on Giles' side, and ganged up on him.
So, they'd decided to lock him up again, like a sitting duck ready for roasting. Willow apologized sorely for not being witch enough to keep him in the last time. Well, her bloody freeze spells were at least juicy enough to be proud of. Xander took out his carpentry gear, and set up a chain link to the wall that was solid enough to hold him, and where was Buffy when they locked him up? Nowhere to be seen, like she didn't even care at all.
So, that's it, huh? He worked tirelessly, tried with everything in him to survive one obstacle at the time, only to end up here, chained up, Buffy's eyes unable to bother falling on him while it was being done. Too much, that's what he was to her. She wanted him hidden away; out of sight, out of mind. It was easier for the "white hats" to be right. He could fight, scream, demand to be heard, demand for them to see him. He could raise his voice till it got sore, but to hope was to be a fool. He wore that name like a badge of honor, but even the jester gets tired every now and again.
It was back to the beginning. He had tugged and pulled at the chains as much as he could, probably caused a mighty enough ruckus that everyone knew what was going on, but not been able to move them an inch. As the images overwhelmed him, of being back on the table in the Initiative basement, and being locked up by the First in Its cave before that. Damn, he kept getting into these situations all the time, didn't he? Pathetic sod, who couldn't stand up for himself. He made a few more attempts at the chains, but they wouldn't give. Then the cold came creeping in. If only he could see her one more time. If only she could come up and be willing to actually talk about it! She had understood his need to kill Wood. She valued his safety. Her bond with Giles was strong, but she had defied him before, he still remembered their conversation outside his door back in Sunnydale right after he was brought back, when Buffy had made it perfectly clear to Giles that there was no way in hell that she was gonna let him stake him. It was to protect his own existence he went after the Watchers. If he could only sit down with Buffy, and explain that, calm and clearly, then she might understand. Then she might forgive him... Maybe.
Scents and footsteps were approaching up the stairs. Fred with pig's blood. Hmm, dinner time then. He hurried to straighten himself up into the most dignified position possible under these circumstances, and watched her come in. With a "hey" and a bright smile, and a mug in her hand that she offered him with a cheerful "dinner is served". He couldn't help it; he just had to give her in. Stupid bint! She had always seemed so perceptive before, and now, in this situation, she seriously thought he would be able to eat that, without his queasy stomach sending it all right up again? No thank you! Been there, done that. Such ignorance didn't even deserve a proper explanation. Plus, he had to admit, tearing into her and making her miserable was kinda fun. Made him feel a little less pathetic himself.
That didn't last long though. He was pathetic. Helpless and afraid, and almost too exhausted by it to have any energy to fuel his fear any longer.
So, he just sank into the cold. Drowned in it. He could feel the tidal waves of the cold blue gloomy ocean inside engulfing him. And then it was spilling out. Streaming down his face, wet on his pillow, salt and tangy in his mouth. He was crying his heart out, and couldn't stop it anymore.
Buffy walked along the corridors of the hotel, and mused over what Angel had said. When did he become such a skilled litigator? What he said made sense though. They were all scared, they were all tired, they were still two groups trying to fit together. Of course there would have to be complications. And, as someone who had lived so long on the Hellmouth, she guessed she shouldn't have expected those difficulties to be merely unpleasant social tension either. They were demons and demon hunters. Things did go more readily messy and bloody with them. But they just needed to talk. Sit down calmly, and work things out together. And a good place to start with that would be to go to the root of the problem at hand: her blonde, out of control vampire. She didn't know how hard it would be, but she had to talk to him. Try to figure why he had gone on a Watcher killing spree, and what could be done to stop it.
She hoped that was even possible. She knew how pig headed Spike could be, how impossible it was to turn him around when he first got his mind set on something. And in their last fight on the matter, when they tried to contain him after attacking Wesley, he had clearly not been the least bit sorry for what he had done. Quite the contrary, he had run off to strike again as soon as he could! She shuddered. What had become of him? Was he going bad again? Would she one day have to fight him for real, to make sure he didn't kill her whole gang? What had gotten into him, doing two attacks in a row in such cold blood?
Then, as she approached his room, she heard something, that both clamped down on her heart, and made her feel strangely relieved from the worry that Spike had gone all cold and callous: Sore, gasping sobs. He was crying, massively.
She hurried in the door, and saw him instantly jerk up from the bed, and try to wipe his face with the blankets. It was no good though, she could still see his blotched and puffy eyes in pretty much the same condition still. He sneered at her, and the self-awareness behind that sneer made her heart ache. "So, you've come for another sermon, is that it? Or have you got a stake there somewhere, that I'm not seeing?"
Then he looked at her more closely, noticed the slight red swelling that still remained around her eyes as well, and softened. "You've been crying?" She nodded weakly, and felt more tears making their way through her. Just now when she thought that she wouldn't have more of them left for a little while. "This whole situation hurts." she replied. "But it looks like it hurts more for you than for me." She sat down on the bedside next to him, and implored softly "I'm ready to try to see now. Would you please try to explain to me why you did it?"
He stared at her with a face full of mixed emotions. Of awe, gratitude, insecurity and astonishment. She had been crying. That hurt! He never wanted her to be unhappy! He really hoped he had not caused it. He probably had. However, now she sat there, staring at him, in a warm and open manner that was almost beyond what he had been hoping for. This was it? His chance! Maybe. How much of the situation was she blind to?
"You really don't know?" he asked in a whisper. "No." Buffy replied slowly. "Or, I guess I can see why you'd have a grudge against Giles. with how he conspired with Wood that first time, and with how he reacted when you came back. But why Wesley first? He has done nothing to threaten your life, that I know of?" It was clearly a question, not an accusation.
"Well, he's a Watcher, isn't he?" Spike looked guardedly up at Buffy, to see if her attitude changed with that answer, but it didn't. She just kept looking at him, in that same open, curious manner. That gave him the courage to elaborate a little. "I saw him make a call to the Council. Their main members were there, down in the Initiative labs. They wanted to take me away, to their own dungeons, to do experiments. They were stopped from doing that only by a phone call that their headquarters were blown up." He took a breath and continued. "From how Wesley behaved when we first met, with that highly scientific interest in my soul, I have every reason to assume he is in league with them, and calling in to put their plan into action. I had to stop it."
The wheels were spinning in Buffy's mind. This was a lot to take in. It sorta made sense now. Only, it didn't. The Council could not have been in Sunnydale when their headquarters exploded. She had gotten sure reports that they were there, and died in the blast. They were dead... An idea occurred to her. "Spike" she inquired with a new urgency. "When was this? When did they come down to you?" Spike looked at her in a slightly puzzled manner. "I don't know. Time got kinda fuzzy down there. But it had gone a far too long plenty of it. It was not very long before you came, I'd guess."
"Then it was not them." Buffy stated determinately. She felt chilled to the bone, as another memory stabbed her like an icicle to the heart. The First! It had warned her that this would happen. This was what It had been referring to, when It had gloated that It had messed Spike up so badly that he would go after her friends and splinter her gang apart even without the old trigger. "The Council headquarters blew up within just a few days of you getting abducted," she explained to Spike. "And according to our information, which we have no reason to doubt, the main members were all there, gathered in a meeting when it happened. We believe the minions of the First did it."
Spike looked at her in shock, as the pieces started to fall into place for him too. "I never saw them touch anything, neither of them..." he muttered. He felt himself shaking like a leaf, as the ramifications of what he heard hit him. He was such an idiot! How could he have trusted anything that happened down in that cave? He had seen how many illusions the First had drawn up down there. He should have written this off just like the rest of It's crap. Known that such a show only meant that It wanted him to hate Watchers, and that that was thus the last thing he should try to do. But... it had been such a long time down in that hell when It had pulled that stunt. He was badly injured, starved, sleep deprived due to both the stress and the constant merciless lightening down there. So desperate for something to happen, after week after week of mostly just staring into the same white wall in the same unchanging room forever, and so close to delirious that it was hard enough just to keep track of what was happening. To evaluate it's truth value as well was just too much.
He was better now though. Stronger, with a mind that was at least somewhat functional again. He could think this through, and find out what was the real truth of the matter. "So all this was a set up? But then, which guys in England could Wesley have been calling?" Buffy smiled. "He and Giles are hard at work with establishing a new Council. A better version of it, to take care of all the new slayers. It must have been them he was checking up on... And besides," she added in an afterthought "Even if there was something remaining of the old Council, which there isn't, you can be certain that Wesley would have nothing to do with their latest schemes. He was excluded years ago, and has not had anything to do with them lately." She smiled a little, and afforded herself an affectionate laugh. "He's still got the bookish, nerdy tendencies and somewhat awkward social skills that they were famous for, so it makes sense that your first conversation with him didn't go over very well. But the old Council is gone, and he lost touch with them well before they were killed, so you can feel quite safe that there is no conspiracy going on between them."
Spike looked at her with wide shocked eyes, and said nothing for a little while, though clearly thinking hard. "So, there is nothing going on with Wesley... but Angel told me a story, of one of their earliest interactions, where Wesley called in the council and had him captured in a net, over a difference of opinion about Faith." Buffy though a little bit. "Ah, that old debacle. Yes, it is true. But did he also mention that neither Wesley or the council did him any harm in that situation? He was a vampire, whom the council had a general zero tolerance policy against, and still, he made them only get Angel out of the way, by tying him up in that net, and grab Faith, who they came for. I imagine that must've been a feat for him, to get them to agree to that."
Spike thought even more, and seemed to change line of conversation. "So, if it was not the council who were down there, then it was not Giles who had alerted them to the situation either? He did not know I was missing any more than you did?" Buffy shook her head. "I have no reason to think that he did. He never gave any reason to think he knew anything, and he seemed genuinely shocked when I brought you back."
They sat there, and looked at each other, both pondering deeply. She grumbled a little. "I should've seen this coming. The First came to me, that first night I had you back, and gloated, that it had you just where it wanted, and was really pleased with me for having taken you back at such a great time, that fit so well with It's purposes. It wasn't very specific, but predicted that this would happen. That you would hurt people I care about, and splinter the gang apart. It was going for it. "
Spike's eyes lit up with defiant fury. "What? So it's been playing me like a sock puppet this whole time, is that it? Why didn't you mention this a long time ago? Why didn't you warn me?!" Buffy winced, and gave him a sore look. "Because you had so much else to worry about. I didn't want to burden you further." She took a deep breath, and made herself continue. "And because I didn't want to think about it, myself." she admitted. "I didn't want it to mean something. So I tried to write it off as just another of It's empty threats."
Spike took that in. The matter now seemed perfectly clear. Despites all his efforts to the contrary, the First had gotten to him again after all. Exploited his fear and uncertainties, and played him like a sock puppet once more, only in a different way than last time. That was unacceptable! He had faced his fear and broken It's hold on him before. He could do it again. Even if it was the last thing he did! "If it wasn't empty then, then it certainly will be! It's plans are gonna be pulled short right now. We'll find a way to put things right again!"
Buffy smiled warmly, and met his eyes in a gaze of mutual determination. Then she went to the drawer on the other side of the room, found the key to the chains, and went and opened them. Spike got out of the bed the moment they were off, and stood up, facing Buffy on the floor, holding her hands in his, and her eyes locked in his gaze. She came up closer to him, and curled herself into his arms, in a tight hug.
"Yes, we will." she muttered affectionately. "Was there anyone else the First impersonated, that It might want to target?" She broke the embrace, and looked up at him. "No." Spike searched his memories, and noticed, as a sidebar, how strange and new it was for him to actually come to them, with a query to be figured out, sooner than just being attacked and overthrown by them, and taken back to those times by force. "Other than the Council, it only came as you…" he gave her a sore, shy, look, which she returned with a nod, and a warm, open gaze of her own. "… and a few long dead people."
They sat down together, and held on to each other's hands. "And there is nothing anyone can do that will ever turn me back against you." She felt the intensity of his gaze so warm and clearly that it made her dizzy, and her whole body started shivering, with a purely electric joy over having him there, so close, so beautiful, so focused on her. She let go of his hands, and moved hers up his arms instead, down his chest and around his waist, and could feel him shiver in much the same way she was. Without thinking, they moved in to fully close the gap between them, and melted together, into a deep, passionate kiss, even more hungry and intimate than the one they had shared out in the street, over Wood's drained body.
Right then, the door went up, and they heard a sharp, pointed gasp. They broke apart, and saw Willow in the door, taking in the scene, them, the ruffled bed and the abandoned chains. She stood there for a little while without saying anything, then she turned to Buffy and uttered, in an entirely matter-of-fact tone: "We just got a call from the hospital, that Wesley is ready to be discharged. Would you like to come with us to take him home?"
Buffy gave first her and then Spike an awkward look, and stepped towards her. "Eh, yeah, sure. We've just been discussing a few things here now, that he needs to be filled in on as soon as possible. So I'm happy he's coming home. I'll be right there." She turned to Spike. "Are you coming?" He stepped out, and cast a glance down the hallway, into the sunlit lobby. "Can't, now, can I? The sun is up. A bit risky to be moving around outside then." He gave her a warm, glowing look. "But you go. I'll wait for you, and then we get together when you come back."