A/N: Damn the fractured thumb. Damn the cramps I get every time I start typing. This chapter is getting finished TODAY. Also, I accidentally came across to "My Heart Is Open" by Maroon 5 and Gwen Stefani while writing this, and I found it's a great song for this OTP.
Disclaimer: Thou shalt not believe this work be-eth mine, for thee would be-eth quite mistaken-eth.
Chapter 26 – Feelings
Without the need to visit their boss, the two tired agents climbed into the back of a cramped, stuffy taxi. After telling the driver where to go, there was only silence.
Riley could tell Gabriel wanted to say something. One time, he turned his head toward her to speak, but his mouth closed soon after. Gabriel automatically reached for her hand again, but Riley found she couldn't return the squeeze he gave.
She was simultaneously hyper-aware of her partner and so distracted by other things that she couldn't barely remember to have a polite conversation that would make the car ride far less awkward. Given the impending doom they were heading to, she became jumpy.
Riley was absolutely torn. She could feel it down in her soul that she was not prepared to make any hard decisions today, yet she saw no way of getting around it. It was plain something that she did not want to happen was going to happen.
Is she was being honest, Riley had felt happy the past week, and she liked feeling happy. It was a genuine sort of happy, a real soul-infusing warmth. That same sort of feeling, just something about it, told her it was not just a passing mood.
It was all very strange.
Her mind was wrapped up in those thoughts, speculating and analyzing until she grew to have quite the headache. She didn't even realize the taxi had stopped, though, until Gabriel was nudging her to get out of the car.
"Oh, sorry. Here," she said, reaching for her wallet, but Gabriel stopped her.
"I took care of it," he shrugged. Riley followed him out of the taxi after giving the impatient driver an apologetic smile.
Gabriel had already stepped inside his own apartment building without her. Feeling a cold gust of wind blow through her coat, she put her arms around herself. Riley took a minute before going in, as if she thought she could help the situation by literally distancing herself from him. It was futile of course, because he was waiting inside the doors of the elevator, holding them open for her.
"May I hold your bag for you?" he asked once she'd reluctantly settled beside him. There were three other people in the elevator, all neighbors who lived in floors below Gabriel's. The elevator had dinged to let two of the passengers off at the same time he'd spoken, so she turned around to ask him to repeat himself.
He did so and she scoffed at him. "Your shoulder is messed up right now, I don't think…" she trailed off.
"Just a joke," Gabriel said, remnants of a smile on his face. He was looking anywhere but at her, so she took it as her cue to turn back around. The elevator shuddered to a stop again and sounded to let the last extra passenger out.
With his good arm, Gabriel reached across Riley, searching with his fingers until he found the right button to close the doors. The elevator obeyed his command at once, not helping to stall for time. The machine whirred to life and carried them upward again so quickly that Riley was tempted to pull the scene from Elf and press the button for every floor, just so it would take longer. She was sure Gabriel could just as easily override the action with the chip though, and tried to stop being childish.
His hand rested on her lower back, make her spine go stiff. It had probably meant to relax her, but nervous tingles just shot up from where he was smoothing his thumb on her shirt. Riley willed her nerves to calm, thinking of what she would say once she got in the apartment.
The thing was, she hadn't decided whether she and Gabriel were supposed to break up or not. Well, of course, how could she possibly break up with him if they were never together from the start? It had sure felt like they were dating, but she supposed maybe she'd fell under the spell of their fake marriage. It was possible they'd just both got caught up in the moment, and Riley had been expecting the fog to lift ever since they got back.
The warmth of his hand on her back and the speeding up of her heartbeat certainly contradicted that whole idea, though.
Her muscles tensed as the elevator pinged. It was loud in the quiet elevator car and seemed to have an ominous quality about it, signaling that the agents were now one step closer to Gabriel's apartment. Riley took a deep breath for the umpteenth time that day, clenching and unclenching her jaw, and she was determined to walk at a normal pace belong her partner's side as they entered into the hallway.
"What's wrong?" Gabriel spoke up, his deep blue eyes searching for hers. With great effort, she forced herself to meet them and was struck by how painfully handsome- er, how painfully close he was to her again. "Are you hungry? I can cook us up something."
"No," she answered as her stomach growled. She felt a blush creep up her neck and looked away. Anything was better than talking about the subject she desperately wanted to avoid. "Maybe."
He slid his hand up to her shoulder and tightened Riley against him so that she could feel him chuckle. "Well, I'm starved, so you can eat with me whether you want to or not."
"I ate only a couple hours ago," she insisted, but her stomach betrayed her again with perfect timing.
"Yeah, but you have to make up for a couple days of not eating. I'd expect you'd be even hungrier than you are." His fingers started drumming lightly on her shoulder. "I'll see what's in the fridge."
Riley told him about how Nelson had bought them food, and he assured her they'd have a small feast. She didn't know how to explain that while she was hungry, she somehow didn't have an appetite. That sort of thing always happened when she was anxious. She made a note to drink more water as well, because she also seemed to lose the ability to control her anxiety when she was dehydrated.
Their footsteps echoed down the hallway as they got closer to Gabriel's door, reminding Riley of a ticking clock. She had to remind herself that it wasn't some sort of life or death situation that they were headed into, that they'd been through much worse and had made it so far. What she did fear, however, is that one or both of them would end up hurt, and there was no way she could protect either of their hearts.
The partners had made it to his doorstep and Gabriel retracted his good arm from around her shoulders, digging in his pockets out of habit. She saw the look that passed over his features when he remembered that most of his things had been lost in the woods, and so she pulled out her own copy of a key to his apartment.
Once the door was unlocked, he gestured for her to go in first, make herself at home.
"Do you mind if I take a quick shower?" he asked. When she shook her head in relief, Gabriel went into the bedroom and closed the door.
Riley let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. She half considered stealing Jameson's idea and crushing pills into his drink so that he'd fall asleep before they had a chance to talk, but realized the idea was both ridiculous and childish.
Her mind was still going haywire, but the nervous hurricane of thoughts had settled into a quiet storm when Gabriel left the room. Riley tried convincing herself to sit on the couch, but found it was much more comforting to pace about his apartment.
Nearly twenty minutes had passed when she heard the sound of his water shutting off, and pretty soon, he silently poked his cleanly-shaven face out of the doorway to look at her.
Distracted, she watched his finger motion her to come closer. Not knowing what else to do, she moved her feet in his direction, unwilling to cross the threshold of this bedroom. She was wary of their close proximities to beds these days.
Unexpectedly, Gabriel asked, "Did you sleep in my bed?"
Unprepared for the question, she waited a mindless beat before telling him honestly how Jameson had mixed up their addresses and plopped her down in the wrong bed. Riley wanted to justify the fact that she wasn't the type of person to just go crawling into random people's beds when they weren't home, but Gabriel's teasing never came.
"Wait, how did you know I slept in your bed?" Riley asked, squinting her eyes a bit in confusion.
"Uh," he paused, and she swore she saw his ears redden. Mumbling, he continued, "I laid down for a second because I missed the feeling of my own bed, and… Well, the pillows just sort of… smell like you."
"Really?" she asked. She was sure she looked mildly horrified, because she remembered that she hadn't had the opportunity to shower before the painkillers knocked her out. "I'm sorry."
"No, don't be," he rushed out. "It's fine, it's a…good thing." He seemed unsure of what he was saying, and looked down at no particular spot on the floor. Gabriel's eyes seemed to widen as if he couldn't believe he'd let the sentence leave his mouth.
Riley pressed her lips together to prevent a smile, but a small, thoughtful hum escaped her.
"What's so funny?" Gabriel asked, his head snapping up. He looked rather self-conscious when he brought his arm up and started scratching behind his neck.
"Nothing, I-" thought the same thing, Riley didn't finish. She remembered loving the smell of Gabriel's pillow when she'd first woken up on it. "I just thought you were going to cook food, not take a nap."
Gabriel raised his eyebrows in mock annoyance. "Really? Five minutes after we get home?"
"First of all, it's been way more than five minutes. Second of all, you did say you were hungry," Riley pointed out, ignoring the flutter in the pit of her stomach when she noticed the domesticity of what he'd said. She followed him as he brushed past her towards the kitchen.
"That explains why Nelson bought so much food if you were here. I don't think I've been this restocked in a while," Gabriel commented as her opened the fridge. He reached for something and said enthusiastically, "Ah, how I've missed you."
Riley peeked over his shoulder to see him talking to a beer bottle, but he soon turned around to face her. Gabriel was between Riley and the fridge, and he walked very close into her personal space as he passed by, pressing the drink into her hand. She felt the warmth of his fingers around the cold, condensating bottle and had to remind her fingers to actually clamp on so that it wouldn't drop and shatter.
She waited a minute before she realized something, and rushed over to the sink where Gabriel was. She wrapped her fingers around his and got the bottle out of his grip just as he'd brought it up to his mouth. Gabriel turned slowly towards her with wide eyes, almost bewildered. He stared at her first, then the drink, and then her. He opened his mouth to speak, but Riley cut him off.
"Vicodin," she explained. He just tilted his chin towards her. "Can't drink alcohol with the Vicodin you'll be taking. It could cause serious damage. Besides, you'll fall asleep even faster if you mix them."
"Oh." He glanced down at her and the drink between them once more and shrugged. "Not what I thought you were going to say. I guess I'll save the reunion for another day." Gabriel looked wistfully at the beer and tried to put the cap back on.
"What?" she asked.
"What what?"
"What did you think I was going to say?"
"Nothing. Just…nevermind. It doesn't matter."
"Oh, thank you for clarifying," she replied, her tone sarcastic.
He didn't bother to explain further, though. Riley squinted her eyes at him but decided not to think about it too much. After all, she thought his answer might have something to do with the relationship territory she still was desperately avoiding. Her palms started sweating when she realized they were within two feet of each other again. Not enough that really should have ignited something, but she stepped around the counter to separate herself anyway.
"You're probably sick of my Mac and Cheese by now," Gabriel said. "How about...," he drawled out the last word as he riffled through his cabinets. "How about homemade pizza? I have the ingredients and it's really easy to make."
Riley nodded, spacing out a bit. "Sounds good."
"Are you sure? I can make something else," he asked, concern in his eyes.
"No, pizza's good. I'm just a bit out of it," she assured him and found a small smile for him. Riley had slept for so long that she wasn't physically tired, but mentally she was exhausted. She knew she was worrying too much, and she just wanted to relax. However, sitting in his living room and doing nothing while she waited for the pizza to be prepared would not be a good distraction. Once she was alone with her thoughts…
She shuddered. It would not be fun, but she needed to be a big girl.
"Hey Riley?" Gabriel asked, interrupting her train of thought. "I might need some help making the dough and stuff. Care to help?"
She gave him an odd look. Gabriel never asked for her help. Never. Maybe his shoulder was hurting him more than he let on.
"Okay," she said slowly. "Anything you need." As his bodyguard, it was weird that, for once, he wasn't fighting her help. "Do you want to take your medicine? It'll help with the pain."
Gabriel looked confused for a moment before his expression dropped into a neutral one. "Oh, yeah - the pain." As if just remembering something, he placed his hand over his pants pocket, presumably where his phone was, and added, "Nelson texted me a while ago, telling me the effects of the pills wouldn't be so bad if I had food with them. He said you'd know what he means."
"Food first," Riley nodded. Maybe with a little something in her stomach she wouldn't have fallen asleep as instantly as she had. Taking the pills had sucked, especially the woozy, dizzying feeling she got beforehand, like she hadn't gotten her sea legs on a boat. It made her nauseous. She remembered the sudden loudness of everything, the sensitivity to light, and how her head had started to pound just as it hit the pillow. Riley cringed just thinking that she'd have to experience it again soon. "Food first would've been nice to know."
"Speaking of food, I was thinking we should start making it soon," Gabriel said impatiently. His stomach was now growling louder than hers had, so she helped gather the materials from the cupboards with him.
Gabriel would give her directions every now and then, telling her how to make the dough from memory. He seemed to be enjoying it, and admittedly, Riley was too. She laughed at how particular he was about certain baking methods. At one point, Gabriel reached over her and covered Riley's hand with his, eager to show her the correct way to knead the dough. He'd ended up coming right behind her so that Gabriel was looking over her shoulder, using his good arm to show her the technique. Riley had been too distracted by his proximity and kneading to bother dealing with her anxiety, so she went along with it for about a minute.
When she figured Gabriel was wearing a shit-eating grin, her elbow poked his chest and created some space. "Really, Gabriel? Nice trick."
"What trick? No tricks," he grinned devilishly and rounded the corner to sit opposite where she stood. He reached his hands into the dough where they found her fingers and stopped her movement.
"What is it?" she asked impatiently, mouth nearly giving in to a smile.
"Riley," Gabriel mock pleaded and squeezed his dough-covered fingers between hers. With the most serious face he could muster, he looked into her eyes and said, "I knead you."
Gabriel's serious expression lasted for about half a second until the joke registered, and Riley failed to keep her expression neutral. She bit her lip to contain a laugh. His dimples were showing.
"I'm going to blame your loopiness on the fact that those other painkillers Cassidy gave you haven't worn off yet," she said, shaking her head at him.
While they set a timer and waited for the dough to rise, the partners stayed in the kitchen. Riley had to endure some more puns about a bouquet of "flour", and narrowly avoided getting flour thrown on her before she threatened to cut off his favorite appendage. Gabriel backed off and gathered the sauce and cheese for the rest of the pizza.
Still a bit annoyed at the flour on her shirt, Riley asked, "Did you have to get my clothes dirty? Now I have to do laundry."
"You could always just take off the shirt," Gabriel offered, which earned him a glare. She figured it was less threatening when she was blushing. Though her face felt hot, she strengthened the glare and considered coming around the counter to smack his arm. That would increase their proximity again, however, and she was sure Gabriel would take advantage of it and do something to get her nerves going again. Like grab her hand as she went to smack him, pull her closer, and-
"Man, I would love to know where your mind just went," Gabriel said from somewhere behind her. Though she was his bodyguard, Riley sometimes felt it was so hard to resist injuring him at times like these.
She turned with silent dignity and pretended to still be wiping at her shirt by the sink. Riley was not willing to face him again until she was sure she looked and felt composed. "I wouldn't want to know where yours went," she retorted lamely.
"Oh, but I think you would," he countered, leaning towards her over the pizza ingredients.
By some invisible force, she felt herself creeping forward in his direction as well. The corner of his mouth had kicked up in a devilish expression. Hadn't she just been angry at him a moment ago? Resolutely, she told him, "No, I definitely would not."
The second her lips had moved, he'd glanced down at them. Well, it wasn't so much a glance as it was a lingering look. When his eyes dragged back up to meet her withering glare, Gabriel's smirk only got worse, which made her heart race. He looked about ready to drag her across the table, but she wasn't having any of it.
Allowing herself just a step closer so that she was touching her side of the countertop, she asked him, "Why did you need my help with the pizza?"
His smirk twitched, and that felt like some sort of weird victory for her. "What do you mean?"
"You usually never ask for my help," she pointed out.
"So?"
"Exactly my point. So?"
Finally, the smirk had disappeared, but he didn't back down from his position. "Maybe I just thought it'd be fun," he said quietly.
"Fun?"
He nodded.
"Oh," she said, feeling quite embarrassed at herself. In her defense, he'd started making her uncomfortable first. The difference was, she actually felt bad when she returned the action. Though it went against her pride, she found herself saying, "I'm sorry. Thank you."
Riley felt no meaning in the words she'd said, so she offered, "It is actually the most fun I've had since we got back."
Gabriel's scowl lessened, a small smile replacing it. "That's what I thought."
She placed a hand briefly over his, an action she should have immediately regretted. Gabriel's hand trapped hers as Riley should've known I would.
Riley's mind had suddenly gone blank. Her mouth had become dry as well, and she flicked her tongue out, trying to give some moisture to her lips. Riley wasn't trying to catch his attention intentionally – dehydration had just taken its toll on her. She could only think to state the obvious. Damning the hitch in her voice, she told him, "You're holding my hand."
"Am I?" he asked patronizingly, and looked down. "Ah, so it seems." The fingers didn't loosen one bit.
When she couldn't think of anything to say, she tried for a scowl. Riley knew its effect had failed miserably when he asked in a low voice, "What are you going to do about it?"
Hit you. Kick you. Tear your hand off. Show you that you cannot crush my willpower. These were things that all came to mind, but she felt speechless under his intense gaze. Those nerves started boiling again, sending electric shocks to the tips of her fingers and toes. Kiss you.
She certainly could've, too. Riley was ever so sure he could tug on her hand and have her in his arms in seconds. In that moment, Riley longed to feel carefree in Gabriel's arms with every fiber of her being.
Riley opened her mouth to do something, say something, when the timer laying between the agents went off and made them both jump apart. It offered a bit of clarity, but for once, it was unwanted.
Gabriel pretended as though he hadn't asked her the question and stood up to turn the timer off. Riley rolled the dough out in silence as Gabriel made sure the sauce and cheese were prepped and ready to go on.
After five straight minutes of silence, he asked, "Lots of sauce, or a little?"
"A little."
The sauce was spread thinly on the dough.
"Lots of cheese or a little?" he asked, this time with a smile.
"Lots," she replied. They took turns sprinkling handfuls of cheese on top of the sauce.
They had a friendly argument to decide how even the cheese layer should be and why in the world Gabriel was trying to fold the edges of the crust over the cheese. Evidently, Riley found out, he was trying to make stuffed crust. She shook her head and laughed at his failed attempt to fix their odd-looking pizza.
They'd soon brought their spirits back to their normally high level, and Gabriel reached into the fridge for something.
"It needs one final touch," he'd explained, but hid whatever he'd grabbed from Riley's sight.
She rested on the wall that was to the side of the oven, waiting for him to finish. "It doesn't matter what you do. You have to accept that the pizza just looks sad."
When he moved away with a proud grin, however, she remarked, "I take it back."
Riley smiled at him, mimicking the smiley-face he'd created out of pepperoni. Gabriel beamed at his creation and then her, saying, "We can take the night off from being adults, right?"
"Right," she said, but her smile faded. They were avoiding the elephant in the room. Whether she liked it or not, they needed to talk about things. Things that had happened at the cabin. Things that happened whenever they were alone together.
Gabriel seemed to sense it too when he turned back to her, but he didn't comment on it. Instead, he grabbed the pizza and opened the oven, setting the plate carefully in. She watched him the whole time, watched his jaw muscles flex and his eyes crinkle when a wave of heat from the oven hit him.
When the pizza was all the way in, Gabriel finally noticed her staring. She was trying to convey an apology through the look, matching the intensity in the gaze he'd directed at her earlier. Riley didn't mean to bring down the mood of the party, but her hopes for a pleasant near future were nearly nonexistent these days.
His hand was still half on the forgotten pizza, and Gabriel chewed on his bottom lip, eyes darkening. With a set in his jaw, he looked determined. His hand retracted from the hot oven and closed it, looking away for only a moment to set the timer on the oven.
Gabriel looked back at her and took the remaining two steps slowly so that she had time to move away. Riley couldn't find the willpower to. His hands slid around her waist and lifted her away from the counter she'd been leaning against. Riley's fingers curled into the fabric of his shirt between them when he brought himself down closer. Her heart twisted when his lips gently claimed hers.
She felt his hot breath in her mouth and felt herself yanking on his shirt to bring them closer together. His insistent mouth was all over hers, desperate and searching. He was kissing her for all he was worth, and Riley was damned if she wasn't going to kiss him back just as hard. She heard a moan, but wasn't sure if it came from one or both of them.
Caught up in his enthusiasm, Gabriel's hands wandered down lower and lower, cupping her backside and lifting her up. She caught the hiss of pain and broke from the kiss as he set her on the edge of counter top instead. He smiled at her endearingly with dimpled cheeks. This time, Gabriel moved the hair out of Riley's face and cupped her cheek, angling her head in a perfect position that allowed him easy access to her mouth.
Now that they weren't trapped, Riley draped her arms around his shoulders. She toyed with the short hair at the base of his neck and felt goosebumps arise on his skin. His other hand had been gripping her knee, kneading her muscles there. The massage had traveled to the outside of her knee and he caught her calve, adjusting her leg so that their hips were closer aligned. She felt Gabriel grin against her mouth and couldn't help but absolutely melt against him.
He slowed the kiss and rested his head in the crook of her neck. Once he caught his breath, Gabriel pressed a soft kiss against her skin and pulled back to look into her eyes. His arm came from her knee to around her back, hugging her even closer to him.
Riley remained speechless while he found his words. Gabriel brushed his thumb over her flushed cheek, delicately holding her there.
He let out a shuddering sigh and whispered, "I think I'm falling in love with you."
A/N: A gigantic thank you goes out to all of you who wished me to get better! I went to the doctor's for a check-up today and I can now type much easier than I could when I started writing this chapter. THANK YOU FOR YOUR INCREDIBLY SWEET REVIEWS, TOO! Everybody line up in a single-file line, please, because you're all receiving some major bear hugs. Sadly, I have only one chapter left to go, and possibly an epilogue. I appreciate that you've stuck with me for so long. You guys have killer patience. (Also, I've already planned out the Christmas fic.)
Beautiful, brilliant, magnificent reviewers who I love: Kathleen Murphy, nrdhrd3, Blue Obsidian Butterfly, sunshineforever13, Chymom, Nastya Rey, amydfuller9, clay cowan, nopenname66, byLunaA, TearsInTheDust, kittiesgalore101, Leylith, Midgardian Avenger, Angel Blue, purpledolphin1, Guest (1), 4everyoung10, Guest (2) and thank you to other reviewers who wished me well – Guest (3), TearsInTheDust, amydfuller9, Leylith, Saoirse, kittiesgalore101, clay cowan, Guest (4), and nrdhrd3. And of course, thanks to Nina542 for your reviews.