Chapter 3 - Sorting Things Out for a Fresh Beginning
After Hermione restored the Potters' flower vases from piles of broken glass back to their original state, Ginny and Hermione flooed over to Diagon Ally. It was bustling with people. Hermione smacked herself on the forehead. "Oh! It's a week before the term starts at Hogwarts! Ginny, do you want to go somewhere more private?"
"Um, I don't know. Do you think we should? Or...no. No," she said more firmly as she made up her mind. "We said we're going out, and I haven't really gone to town in at least a year, and if we go home, I'll just cry more. Let's just walk around for a bit. The sun is nice here."
They walked past shops filled with so many memories. The book store still had some kind of magnetic pull on Hermione, even though they were all grown up and Hermione's home library was now so large that it could rival the little shop's selection. (Ron had put an extension charm on that part of their house and installed dozens of rows of shelves on her twenty-fifth birthday.) Ginny sighed. How had Ron learned to be so thoughtful, while Harry had drifted so far away? This was also the shop where Lucius Malfoy had slipped her Tom Riddle's diary so long ago. The diary that Harry had rescued her from. Her life seemed so unreal right now. This was going to be a long day. Instead of letting Hermione drag her inside, Ginny kept plodding ahead. Dress robes. They had come out to get new dress robes.
As they kept walking toward Madam Malkin's, Ginny didn't take in much of her surroundings. She had a dazed and worn look fixed on her freckled face, and a sort of hopelessness in the swing of her arms. But still they walked on until they almost collided in the doorway of the dressmaker's shop with none other than the entire Malfoy family. It was Draco and Astoria and a little blond boy who must be Scorpius. They were all here, no doubt, to get him ready for school. Draco was holding Scorpius' hand and had been half-grinning at something the boy was talking about, when he looked up and saw Ginny Potter and Hermione Weasley. He looked at the pair, and at Ginny's disheveled appearance in particular, and condescendingly raised one eyebrow, but said nothing.
"Excuse us, Malfoy, Mrs. Malfoy," said Hermione coldly, breaking the silence.
"Certainly, Mrs. Weasley, Mrs. Potter," he replied, with just the smallest hint of dislike in his tone, especially on the word Potter.
Ginny felt like she had been punched in the gut. Soon she would no longer be Mrs. Potter, the name that had defined her for so many years. Hermione whisked her past them and into the store before Ginny could react.
An hour later, they emerged with their new robes packed magically into parcels with anti-wrinkling and self-hanging spells. Ginny's was champagne colored and airy, with little ruffles about the collar and on the skirt. The waist was draped somehow to make her look very trim. She had felt dumpy ever since Lily was born, and told herself that it was unrealistic to expect anything different. She'd give up anything for her children, after all. But Hermione assured her that it was all in her head. "There, look at you! You are gorgeous. See how you're already standing up straighter?" she cooed. Hermione, who had always been disinclined to shop for clothing had made a real effort today for Ginny's sake. Ginny had insisted she take something home too, and so she had settled on something striking - it was coffee and flame colored, which set off the dark brown and auburn highlights in her hair. It also exposed more of her back than Ron usually approved of her showing in public. In exchange, Ginny's dress had a square neckline that revealed much more cleavage than Harry usually approved of.
"Ginny, I'm giving you an assignment. After we get the kids off to Hogwarts, you think of someplace you want to go in our dresses, and we'll go out together. A concert, a play, whatever you like. Agreed?"
Ginny smiled at her. "Thanks, Hermione. I'd like that. Now... there's one more thing," she hesitated.
"Anything! The sky's the limit, Gin."
"Well, I was thinking we should go into Flourish and Blotts before we head home."
"Oh, Ginny, this is your day. I know I always drool a bit when we pass their window, but we don't have to go in there."
"Hermione! Of course I do know that you like the store. You are probably their best customer after the Ministry's supply order man. But maybe I wanted to go in there for myself this time."
"Ginny, I'm sorry! But wait a minute, I see that mischievous twinkle. What on earth do you have in mind?"
"Well, I may as well tell you. I've been thinking about this for months, actually. I'm not in good enough shape to play quidditch professionally. Not anymore. But- I miss the game, I really do. I thought I might try my hand at writing about it, just part-time for now, after Albus starts school." She looked at the ground, embarrassed.
"Ginny, that's brilliant! You'll be incredible!"
"What, really? You really think so?"
"Of course I do! And every newspaper and quidditch magazine in England will be clambering to print whatever you write. You know the game better than anyone, and you know how to make it funny and interesting when you talk about it. Oh, you will be absolutely brilliant! Come on-" she grabbed Ginny's hand and started dragging her inside.
The shop owner looked up and smiled warmly. "Hermione! So good to see you! How did that new ink-vanishing laundry potion work out for you last week? Is Hugo still up to his antics?"
"Hello, David! It's good to see you too. Oh, he's always getting into something, isn't he? But it worked just as well as you said it would. Even stains with unvanishable-ink. Remarkable potion, that. But actually, we're here today for my friend Ginny."
"Oh, of course! Mrs. Potter, I presume. So honored!"
"You can call me Ginny, Mr. Blotts. Can you show us your Quick-Quotes Quills, please?"
"Certainly, certainly! We have an extensive line, all different personalities, you know. Chatty, gossipy, sarcastic, condescending, scathing, exaggerating, nonsensical-" Ginny tried not to roll her eyes, thinking of Rita Skeeter.
"I'm interested in the original model. Does it still come with its' 100% lifetime accuracy guarantee?"
"Oh, well, yes. We don't sell too many of them anymore. But of course, for you, Miss... er... Ginny, I mean, I would not expect anything different. And 25% off for such a special customer. Do come back in whenever you need anything at all! Delighted to be of service today."
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There were many difficult conversations in store for Ginny and Harry that week. They took them one at a time. First, they had to tell Ginny's parents, who were anxious and downright nosy after keeping five grandchildren all day with no explanation. (Molly surprised everyone by taking the news perfectly in stride. After tearfully hugging her only daughter for a very long time, she said mildly, "We've known something was off for years, dear. We just want you both to be happy. This is the 21st century, you know. I do understand about how these things work. We'll always be here for both of you and the children. I'm just so sorry you've been suffering through this for so long!")
Then they had to tell James, Albus, and Lily. At first Harry had wanted to wait and tell the kids at Christmas break, but Hermione and Mum insisted that James was already anxious that something was wrong. So they opted to tell the children sooner, rather than leave James to the mercy of his imagination.
The conversation with the kids was not as difficult as they feared, either. Lily actually laughed. She thought the idea of Daddy liking boys was hilarious. Albus was instantly curious, and asked them all manner of endless questions. James was the only one who seemed genuinely upset. He got angry and then ran off to cry in his room. Ginny and Harry would each spend a lot of time during the rest of the week (and year) talking and listening, and mostly reassuring him and all the children that they loved them and would both always be there for them, no matter what happened.
For someone who had been too depressed to get out of bed for so long, Harry surprised even himself by finding the resources to face all of this. Coming out was putting life back into him. He had been so anxious and ashamed for so long; now for the first time in years, he was beginning to breathe without feeling like there was a weight pressing down on his chest. It was not so completely different from his experience in being struck by Voldemort. The sense of dread and impending doom, then facing the worst and finding that he was still, after all, whole and very much alive. Now he felt a sense of euphoria welling up in him when he woke in the mornings- No need to pretend today, I can be myself. And this gave him the energy to begin spending the time with James and Albus and Lily that he had always intended. James would be alright in time. He just needed to see for himself that his parents' words were true: that they would be there for him through all the changes; that the world would not end; at any rate, not for him, not now.
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After what seemed the longest week since the defeat of Voldemort- a whirlwind of emotion and decision-making on top of all the usual high emotion and preparations that go into sending a child off to school for the first time- the big day actually arrived.
((((((((Direct quotes from Rowling's Epilogue are interwoven and marked with an asterisk*.)))))
Lily was crying and holding on to Harry's arm, while James was having a grand time teasing Albus all the way there.
*"I won't! I won't be in Slytherin!"
*"James, give it a rest!" said Ginny at last.
*"I only said he might be," said James, grinning at his younger brother. "There's nothing wrong with that. He might be in Slyth-"
*But James caught his mother's eye and fell silent.
"I know this day is hard for you, too, Jamie. Especially with everything else going on. But please, be kind to Al. He looks up to you so much. Treasure each other." she said in a low voice.
After a few minutes, they managed to find Ron and Hermione with Rose and Hugo. There was more chatting and joking and lots more hustle and bustle. Suddenly, through the clouds of steam, Ron nudged Harry.
*"Look who it is."
*Draco Malfoy was standing there with his wife and son, a dark coat buttoned up to his throat. His hair was receding somewhat, which emphasized the pointed chin. The new boy resembled Draco as much as Albus resembled Harry. Draco caught sight of Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny staring at him, nodded curtly, and turned away again.
Ginny felt a flush of embarrassment creeping up her cheeks as she remembered her encounter with the Malfoys earlier in the week.
*But Ron was saying something now. "Make sure you beat Scorpius in every test, Rosie. Thank God you inherited your mother's brains."
*"Ron, for heaven's sake," said Hermione, half stern, half amused. "Don't try to turn them against each other before they've even started school!"
A few minutes later, as they were ready to finally send Albus off on the train, Ginny overheard Harry having a private final moment with their son.
*"Albus Severus," Harry said quietly, so that nobody but Ginny could hear, and she was tactful enough to pretend to be waving to Rose, who was now on the train, "you were named for two headmasters of Hogwarts. One of them was a Slytherin and he was probably the bravest man I ever knew."
*"But just say-"
*"-then Slytherin House will have gained an excellent student, won't it? It doesn't matter to us, Al." We'll love you no matter what. Gryffindor or Slytherin. Straight or Gay or Bi. If only I could make you understand how much I love you, Al- unconditionally. "But if it matters to you," he continued out loud, "you'll be able to choose Gryffindor over Sytherin. The Sorting Hat takes your choice into account."
"Really?"
"It did for me," said Harry. He had never told any of his children that before, and he saw the wonder in Albus's face when he said it.
Ginny was struggling with her own flood of conflicting emotions at this moment. She was so relieved to see Harry being really attentive to Albus. He really was a wonderful father. But he had been preoccupied for so long. It was like he had just come home after a very long absence. Only he had not come home for her. He would never really come home for her again.
And what about the children's names, after all? James, Albus, and Lily. Harry had named all three without even asking her opinion, and she had never thought to say a word about it. But now, she wondered if she ought to. Now that everything had changed, she would probably never get the chance to christen a fourth child "Frederick" after her own lost brother, she thought bitterly. Everything had always revolved around Harry in their marriage, and she had let it be that way. It was time to start over fresh. Time to speak up about what mattered to her. Never again, Ginny thought resolutely.