7
The sound of movement awoke me. Sunlight filtered into the room through the window. I could tell right away that it wasn't early anymore. The clock read 9:09, time to get up.
I sat up and noticed that I was just about to fall off the bed. Then I remembered I wasn't the only one it the bed last night. I looked over but I was alone. My bed was empty beside me. The angel hadn't stayed the night.
I frowned at the emptiness. I had hoped that maybe he could have slept and that maybe he wouldn't be so lonely, but I guess it just didn't work. I was sorry for him about that. I couldn't imagine having to stay awake while the world around me traveled into their own worlds of peace and quiet, while I was left all alone in the silent darkness. It was a sad understanding, but maybe that was the price for being an angel. Loneliness.
I got up and found my dry, clean clothes and got dressed before heading into the living room/kitchen where I found Dean rummaging through the cabinets. He was all dressed and showered already.
"Morning." I greeted him.
"Did you find anything else other than popcorn last night?" he asked.
"Yeah, a can of peas."
"Well, that's just great." he sighed, closing the little wooden door.
"Maybe I could go shopping today, if we plan on being here awhile."
"Only one car." he sat down at the table, looking at the box of popcorn, thinking about making some for breakfast.
"Castiel?"
"Haven't seen him all morning."
"Maybe I'll come across some of your dad's fishing gear." I sat down beside him at the table with a glass of water.
"Just wanted some eggs." he mumbled under his breath.
"Dean, are you ready to go?" Sam said, just walking in the room.
"Yeah, let's go." he took a hungered suit from the couch and headed towards the door. "We should be back around seven. You call if something happens."
"I will." I waved as he closed the door behind him. "Alright." I got up and headed into the many closets around the lodge, taking inventory of anything that I would use any time soon. I searched all but one closet that had been locked and came across a gas stove in the broom closet, a set of fishing poles in the back of the coat closet down the hall with a tackle box, and a box hidden under the master bed. Inside the box was a key. My only guess was that the key went to the locked closet.
I went to the closet that was just beside the bathroom and slowly turned the key in the lock and pulled on the doorknob. Inside the closet was something I'd never seen in my life. I pulled on the string above me to light the little room to make sure I was seeing everything correctly. Inside the closet was an arsenal; guns of all sorts, a gallon of gasoline, matches, lighters, knives, ropes, a box of chalk, a bag of rock salt, and a jug of water with a rosary tied to it. If this was dad's place, then the whole family had to be into the demon thing.
As odd as that all was, I wasn't freaked out in any way. I almost expected it.
Next I went to make a shopping list. We needed food and now that I'd found the gas stove, we had something I could cook on. This could work for a while. We were secluded. I had my charms to keep me hidden, and we left no leads to where we were going. Crowley only found me because I was where he'd expect me to have gone, home. Now his only probable guess would be Bobbie's panic room, but that trail was left cold. There was no reason he should find me now.
I had just finished the shopping list when I was going into the closet to pull out the fishing pole. I set them up on the table in the kitchen and had gone back for the tackle box when I heard a crashing sound, something loud hitting the floor. I pulled out a knife that I'd taken from the arsenal from my belt and held it ready before I went back to the kitchen, where the sound had come from.
I slowly peeked around the corners of the hall until I came to the last turn to the kitchen. Pressed up against a wall, I made so sounds. Nothing that they could detect. In the kitchen I could hear rustling and movement. I took in a deep breath before jumping out of my hiding place with my knife out.
I slowly put the knife away when I saw the fishing poles on the floor and the angel bending down to pick them up.
"I'm sorry. I didn't see them." he said.
"You're very good at scaring people, Castiel."
He looked at the knife as I put it back into its slip.
"Hey, now that you're here, I was wondering, and I know this is going to sound stupid, but I was wondering if you could maybe you could take me back home?" I requested.
"Home?" he asked, as if I was leaving.
"Just for a second. I need money and clothes. I can't pull of wearing the same thing every day and I can't keep stealing Dean's clothes."
"There is a large possibility that Crowley will be there waiting for you."
"I know, but it will only be there for a second. I'll bring holy water. It worked on the demons I saw Dean and Sam fight off."
"Crowley isn't just a demon," he said as if the holy water would have no effect on him. "But if we're quick, maybe it'll alright."
I nodded then stood closer to him so he could get us there.
"Which room is yours?"
"Top floor, overlooking the street."
He put his hand firmly around my arm and I closed my eyes. When I opened them, we were back in my room.
My bed was unmade like it had been months ago, the last time I'd slept in it. My dresser was covered in clean clothes that I'd meant to put away. My floor had a book here and there, but for the most part, it was clean. A pot of flowers sat on my dresser and another on a little table beside my bed. Drawings of exotic flowers were framed on the walls.
"Hurry. I don't know how long we have."
I ran to my closet and pulled out a bag that I used when I went on trips or when I was away for school and filled it with essential clothes as Castiel closed my door then headed to the window where he looked down at the empty sidewalk, wet with melting snow and runny mud.
I grabbed a thick jacket, pants, shirts, one dress, bras, underwear, a brush, my travel tooth brush, chargers, a book that I'd been too busy to start that was on the floor beside my bed, and a little black box that I kept under my pillow. When grabbed and I slid on my usual jacket that had my wallet and Ipod in it, I noticed the framed picture of my mother, father, brother, uncle, and I when I was very young on the little table I then remembered my brother. He would still be downstairs, laying on the living room floor, slowly rotting away.
"Alright, let's get out of here." I said as I stood next to him. I couldn't take care of my brother now. It wasn't safe, but that made me mad. I couldn't bury my own brother because I had to keep looking over my shoulder for these demon freaks.
Castiel took hold of my arm again and I closed my eyes. When I opened them again, we were standing in the living room back at the lodge.
"Thank you, Castiel." I gave him a faded smile then went to get the fishing poles and put them back in the closet. Then I headed back to my room where I set my bag down and leaned back in my bed with my Ipod blasting in my headphones and my book out.
Thinking about my brother and knowing I couldn't do anything for him sent me into an angry, hateful, and sad state that I could only bask in by myself.
"I'm sorry, Jim." I said quietly as my eyes grew foggy. I couldn't see the printed words in front of my face anymore, so I put the book down. I could feel the hot tears slowly making their way down my cheek.
It was foolish of me to think two days ago that I could go back home. That place was no longer my home. It hadn't been since the day Nora found her way into me. Hell, that whole life was gone. I couldn't go back to school after all this. After everything, how could I go back to any life? Demons were out looking for me, let alone everything I'd done when Nora was in me. All those lives I'd taken when she was in control. All those people.
I covered my face in shame knowing that I had been powerless against her. I hadn't been strong enough to fight her off and this is where it landed me. My only family. The only thing I had left.
"Oh God," I sobbed into my hands. I am alone. So alone. My shoulders shook and my knees bent up, dumping the book to the floor as they shifted up to my chest.
Something moved on the bed next to me, making me jump. I saw the book placed back down beside me and I yanked out my headphones while rubbing my eyes.
"Something wrong?" I quaked, trying to clear my throat.
"I don't know, you tell me."
"It's just- just my brother." I cleared my throat again and picked up the book and put it back on my lap.
"It was worse than just your brother. The pain they caused-"
"They're demons. Isn't that what they do?" I spit.
"What did she do?"
"She killed people, what do you think?"
"Who?"
"What do you mean, who? The people who owed their souls and anyone else around them. You saw what she did to that little girl. It was always the same, her style, her methods, they didn't change."
"Who other than your brother?"
I couldn't get around it. Castiel knew there was something else. "My uncle." I sighed.
"She killed your uncle?"
I nodded. "But it was more than that. I could feel him tugging at my hands, pleading me to stop. I could see it in his eyes. He thought it was me doing it. He didn't know she was there. He died thinking his niece, the one he'd taken in, was the one who was killing him. I could feel his strength fading away and saw the light leave his eyes." Another tear rolled down my cheek. "I couldn't stop her."
"It wasn't your fault." I looked away from him, but felt a hand under my chin lift my face up towards his. "Satine, it was not your fault." he said very sternly. "No human should be able to fight her."
"Even so. It feels like I did it. It hurts like I did it."
I could see him swallow. He had nothing to say. Nothing he could do to stop that pain.
I stood up and put my headphones back in. Now I needed to keep myself busy. I need to distract my mind. I made up the boys beds, rewashed all the dusty dishes in the cupboards, cleaned up all the beer bottles from last night, and even put my clothes away in the dresser, but it was still only four. I had a lot of time to kill.
I found Castiel sitting on the couch in the living room and had an idea. "Hey, do you think I'd be alright if we went shopping for a while? There's no food here."
"Are you alright to it?"
"Yeah, I just need to keep busy."
"Alright," he stood up and I grabbed my wallet and list.
"I saw a store about three miles before we turned down his road." This time I took his arm and closed my eyes. When I opened them, we were across the street from a small grocery store with no more than seven cars in the parking lot.
In the store I went right to the essentials; milk, bread, butter, that kind of stuff. Then I moved on to the list. I wanted to make the boys dinner tonight, so I went to the meat section and picked out a few steaks and some hamburger meat. I would've gotten chicken but we still didn't have an oven. Then I moved on to baked beans, salad items, a few potatoes, and some canned corn. It wasn't the right time of year for fresh. I found some mini pies in the bakery so I picked up four of different flavors. Eggs, cheese, bacon, and bagels for breakfast, and a few apples, grapes, and strawberries. I didn't care what time of year it was. Strawberries were almost as important as milk and bread on my list. Pasta and sauce for dinner tomorrow, so I picked all the things up for that then headed for the check out. I picked up a chocolate bar on the way there and then checked out.
Everything was paid for with no problem. And then back outside, I handed half the bags to Castiel then he took my arm and we were back in the lodge. It was five thirty when we got back and I started to put things away. I left everything out for dinner; potatoes, salad, corn, and steaks, then put everything else away. The fridge was a lot fuller now and that made me happy.
When six o'clock rolled around, I pulled an idle Castiel into the kitchen and handed him a knife.
"Know how to cook?"
"Er... no."
"Well, now you'll start to learn. I'll give you the easy things, like salad."
"Okay?"
"Start out cutting up this head of lettuce like this." I made the first few cuts into the head and put them in a big bowl. "Okay, you're turn."
He took his knife and made a few more cuts, just like I had. "See? Not that hard. You keep doing that to the whole thing and I'll start on the potatoes." I cleaned them and wrapped them in aluminum foil, ready to go on the grill. Next were the steaks. I seasoned them up and had them on a plate to go on the grill outside.
"Now what?" Castiel asked.
"Now you cut tomatoes and the cheese into little squares." I handed him a small brick of cheddar and a few cherry tomatoes.
I moved on to the corn, putting it into a bowl and throwing it into the microwave for a few minutes.
"Okay," He was all done with that I pulled out the last part, carrots. Little baby carrots.
"These will roll away from you, so be careful." I cut up one for him then put it into the bowl with the cheese and tomatoes. "When you do about ten or so you can stop. I'll be manning the grill." I took a carrot on the way out and popped it into my mouth as I grabbed the potatoes and stake.
Six thirty. We were good on time.
I'd found a bag of charcoal in the broom closet so I'd set it outside, filled the grill then lit it. Potatoes when on first for a few minutes then I went back inside to clean and set the table. Well, clean it anyways. Castiel was just about done with the salad so I handed him the plates and silverware to set the table with. I told him where everything went and he got right to it.
Back outside it was getting dark out so I had to turn the outside light on. Now the steaks were ready. I put the first three on leaving mine for last. They cooked for about five minutes then I put mine on. I didn't like my steak too cooked, so it was only on the grill for about ten minutes. I pulled the boy's off a few minutes later along with the potatoes.
Back inside, the table was set and Castiel helped me hand out salad in bowls just as a car rolled up outside. I was getting a glass of water when the door opened up.
"God, I'm starving." Dean groaned as he threw a bag on the couch and sat down beside it.
"No way," Sam's mouth dropped open as he took a long look at the stakes on the table. "You made dinner?"
"Hold on, what?" Dean turned around and took a look at the table full of food.
"Castiel helped with the salad." I smiled. The two boys almost ran to the table and took their seats.
"Please tell me that this isn't a dream." Dean begged.
"You tell me." I said as I put a large piece of meat on his place.
"Doesn't smell like one." he said, picking up a knife and cutting into the stake. "Oh god," he closed his eyes. "It's beautiful."
I passed the corn around and the potatoes when Castiel sat down on the couch. I was just about to dig into my steak when I said, "Castiel, do you want to try some?"
He was quiet for a moment then he stood back up and walked back over to the table where he sat in the last seat. "Here you go." I handed him a plate with a little of everything on it.
He cut into his stake and slowly ate the one bite. No complaints. It was gone then he moved onto the corn. A mouthful gone, then some salad.
"Wait, did you say, Cas helped?" Dean asked through a mouthful of steak.
"I did."
"She got him cooking." Sam said in disbelief.
"Omelets and fruit for breakfast,"
"Eggs, finally. A home cooked breakfast." Sam happily sighed.
"And there may or may not be pie for dessert."
Dean's eyes got wide across the table. I thought they might just pop out of his head.
"Yes, I did say pie."
"Okay, I love her. She is never leaving." He might have been just kidding, but I hoped deep down that he'd meant it. This place was better than anywhere I'd lived before.
"Where did you get the money for all this?" Sam asked.
"I had so much built up from the government when my parents died that I just never spent. Thought now I could use it."
"Grill, cook, can you fight demons too?" Dean laughed.
"That part you might have to teach me."
"Lessons for meals?"
"Deal." Sweet. That was a good bargain on my side.
I went back to my last piece of steak when I noticed Castiel's plate was empty. That was the first thing I'd seen him eat, and it was all gone. Sleeping, eating. I felt like I was trying to turn him human. Or maybe I just wanted him to enjoy things. Sleep, restful and relaxing. Food, just the good feeling of being full and the great taste of grilled meat. Another thing, he'd done both without question. Maybe he wanted to try these things. Something new for him possibly. Maybe they made him feel more like he was welcomed, like this could be his home too.
"So, how did you get away from Crowley?" Dean asked as we both sat on the couch after the dishes had all been washed and put away. Castiel and Sam both sat in the chairs and we all just watched the T.V. for a little while.
"Well, he said that the place was guarded but something distracted all the demons. I didn't hear or see anything, but they all went after something."
"Yeah, that was us." Dean said.
"What were you guys doing there anyway?"
"Saving you."
"I told you not to come."
"Yeah, you lied and said you'd gotten away. We know Crowley. He doesn't work like that."
"He told me to turn you away. You'd have been safer if you didn't come."
"We can handle ourselves."
"I don't doubt that." I said sternly. "But there were a lot of demons there."
"We would have been fi-"
"All I'm asking is that when I turn you away again, leave. Don't go looking for me." They needed to understand that when it was my turn to fight Nora, I needed to do it alone. They would not be put at risk for my revenge.
"We aren't going to just let you go." Sam laughed nervously.
"Sam, I'm not joking. I'm sure you've seen what these demons can do, but I know they can do worse. I saw what Nora would have done if she wasn't under Crowley's rule."
"Alright, just don't get yourself in that situation." Sam said.
"I'll do my best." I said seriously.
"Satine, you aren't alone."
"I know."
"Okay, enough soap opera crap. Time for pie." Dean jumped and headed into the kitchen.
"I'll skip the pie tonight." I said.
"Skip pie?!" Dean turned around.
"Yeah, I'm going to bed."
"Already?"
"Yeah, I'll see you guys tomorrow."
"Alright. Goodnight, Satine."
"Night guys."
Back in my room, I changed into my nightgown and pulled out my Ipod, putting my headphones in. I wasn't really tired, but I wanted to be alone for a while. I couldn't push my brother or uncle out of my mind. I missed them both so much and I felt so guilty. Nothing I could do would stop the tears this time. They rolled down my face as I smashed my face into the pillow. My insides hurt so much as I wretched with each hushed sob. I trembled and shook. The sadness was too powerful for me to fight and I just wallowed in it.
Something touched my arm and I bolted up, pulling out my headphones.
"Hey, are you alright?" Dean asked, standing over me. I could make out his body outline in the light from the open doorway.
I didn't answer, I'd have been lying if I said yes.
I wiped my face quick but didn't look at him.
"You're not hurt are you? Your head?"
"No, it's fine." I sniffed as a silent tear rolled down my cheek.
He sat down on the bed next to me and held my hand. "It's going to take time." he simply said.
I nodded, trying to hold back another sob. He took my hand and pulled me closer so that my face was leaning into his shoulder. His hand slowly rubbing my back. I finally let out heavy breaths that turned into quiet sobs.
"It's going to be alright." he whispered into my ear a few times.
After a good fifteen minutes, everything tapered off. My eyes had no more tears left and I could finally breathe normal. Dean sat up strait and stretched his sure to be aching shoulder.
"We'll take care of your brother tomorrow. I promise."
"Thank you, Dean." He bent forward and kissed my forehead before I laid down again.
"Get some sleep, Satine." I nodded and rolled over to face the wall as he closed the door behind him.
Now I was tired and feeling a little better. Dean was right. This all was going to take time. Maybe I'd be even better once Jim was taken care of properly. But all that would start tomorrow. Now it was alright to mourn.
"Hey, where'd you go?" Sam asked his brother who'd just walked back into the living room. He handed him a beer and noticed an odd look on Dean's face. "Everything okay?"
"Yeah, I think so." Sam gave him a questioning look. "Satine's taking everything hard. I told her we'd take care of her brother tomorrow."
"Yeah, sure. Of course." They joined Castiel in front of the T.V. With their beers. "You okay?" Sam looked his brother who still had an odd look on his face.
"Just can't get over how much the demon did to her, and she still keeps going. I mean, the whole mind thing and now her brother. Girls' got it tough."
"And her uncle." Dean and Sam both looked to Castiel.
"Huh?" Dean said.
"She told me about her uncle who Nora killed while inside her. She remembers it vividly."
"Jeez." Sam sighed. "Was she alright when you left?" Sam turned to Dean.
"She was really shaken up about it, but I think she's asleep." he took a sip of beer.
"We'll just have to keep an eye on her. If she's blaming herself, we know how that can end."
"Yeah."
He stood beside her bed. The sad woman below him was curled and twisted up in her blankets. He reached down and slowly pushed the hair away from her soft face. She didn't deserve this, he thought. No one did.
Even in deep sleep, she looked sad and lonely. He sat down on the bed beside her. She didn't want him to be lonely last night, and now he would return the favor. She might not know he was there, but he stayed with her.
Poor Satine, he thought. If only you knew how strong you really were. If only you understood how strong you'd been.
He stroked her hand with his thumb then laid down beside her like she'd told him. It might not have been sleep, but this was like a dream to him. This women who hurt so much inside cared for him. Looked out for him. Her kindness was foreign to him. Sam and Dean might have treated her like a sister, but this was something different. If felt like something more.