9
When I opened my eyes again, it wasn't the same brightness that filled the room. The sky was full of clouds and a slight drizzle rolled down the window. I sat up in the empty bed and pealed the feather from my hand, where it had stuck from sleeping with it. Then I got a whiff of something. Something delicious.
I took the feather and put it in the black box under my pillow before headed out in the kitchen where I found Dean with the gas stove. A pan with eggs and cheese sat in his hand.
"What's all this?" I asked.
"Oh, good morning." he turned to me. "Breakfast?"
"Sure, but I thought I was doing meals for lessons on demons."
"We can let this one slip." he smiled, seeming to be full of energy.
"If you say so." I grabbed a glass of milk and sat down at the table. Sam joined us soon with a mug of coffee.
"Omelets?" he asked.
"Yup." Dean slid a plate in front of me and one in front of Sam before sitting down with one for himself.
"Wow," I said with my mouth full.
"Good?" Dean asked.
"Really. What did you use?"
"Paprika, cheese, pepper, bacon. That's it."
"It's so good." I basically inhaled the whole thing before taking my dishes to the sink where I washed them. "Thanks, Dean." I said as I made my way to the bathroom. I jumped in the shower for a little while to wash up then brush out my hair. I headed back to my room to get changed into a pair of jeans and a black blouse. I sat down on the bed to put socks on when I noticed Castiel on the bed across the room.
"Do you ever knock or something? Jeez." I sat up. "You missed breakfast." He said nothing, just sat there.
"What's in there?" he asked.
"Huh?"
"That box." he pointed to the corner of the black box sticking out from under my pillow.
"Just something my mother gave me a long time ago." I pushed the box further under my pillow. "Nothing important." I pushed it aside, not really liking to bring up anything that revolved around that box.
"I guess you slept last night." I said after a while of silence. He looked at me like he'd been caught doing something wrong. "Good to see that it worked." His looked faded but a slight blush took over his eyes. He was cute like that.
"Cas?" Dean called from the other room. Castiel looked at me before Dean called for him again.
"I better go to him." he said. I nodded then pulled out my book again as he left the room. Sadly I was done with my book in the next hour and had nothing else to read. So I went out to the living room where Sam was watching T.V. With his laptop.
"Hey," he said. "You okay?"
"Yeah, I just finished my book." I fell onto the couch beside him.
"Reader?"
"Yeah. Love it. You?"
"Same. I've got a good one in my bag if you want to try it?"
"Sure, just as long as it isn't Shakespeare."
"No," he smiled. "Nothing that old."
"Awesome."
We watched T.V. For a few hours before Dean came in through the front door. His jacket was all wet from being outside. When he stepped in and took off his jacket, he looked at me and asked, "How you holding up?"
"Alright." He went into the fridge and got out a beer then sat down with us. "No Castiel?"
"He'll be here soon. Got him busy doing something."
"How's your case going? I had forgotten to ask."
"Done, we found the guy pretty quickly." Sam answered.
"Yeah, the whole witch thing was just a hoax and it was really a mild case of changelings." Dean added. I just looked at them with my eyebrows knitted together. "Er... yeah. There's a lot more out there than you'd think."
"Not just demons and angels?"
"No, much much more. Ghosts, spirits, werewolves, vampires, witches, I could go on."
"I get it. Lots out there." I said turning to the T.V. And zoning out. "But..."
"But?"
"But, I guess it's just hard picturing your whole life not knowing what's out there. So much evil, so many monsters."
"It's better not to know?"
"No," I turned back to him, a slight smile on my lips. "With evil comes the righteous to counter its power. If there's so much bad, then there has to be good. Demons, angels. Monsters, hunters. Like you two. Like Castiel. It's good to know that there is good to fight all the bad."
"Well, that's a new one." Dean said, shrugging.
"Sam, Dean. I need your help." I jumped at the voice from behind me. It was going to take some time to get used to him popping out of nowhere.
I turned around to find Castiel standing in the kitchen, soaking wet. "You okay, Castiel?" I asked.
He looked at me for a moment and nodded as the brothers got up and followed him outside.
"Do you need my help?" I asked.
"We'll be back soon. Just stay here." Sam said, closing the door behind him.
Soon took a long time to come. They were gone for hours. I had already eaten a dinner of left over steak. It was dark out when they came back and it had even stopped raining. Sam and Dean both came in out of breath and they headed for the fridge for beers. They were wet from the rain, but they also looked very sweaty.
"Sorry, I ate without you." I said, regretfully.
"Any letf overs." Dean breathed from a long swig of beer.
"Actually, that's what I had." He gave a face that was like, aww, I wanted another big dinner. "If you want, I could throw something together for you guys."
"No, that's okay. We just came in for a breather." Sam said.
"What have you two been doing, anyway?"
"It's a bit of a surprise." he answered. Surprise? "You ready?" he looked to Dean.
"Yeah. Satine, come with us." I was a little hesitant but quickly gave in and followed them outside. It was just sprinkling out now, but there was a chilling northern breeze that made us shiver when it blew past.
I was lead to the back of the lodge where Castiel had been waiting beside a large pile of chopped up wood. It had been put together to form almost a bed that was five or six feet high made solidly of the wood. On the ground next to it was a white figure with black rope tied around it periodically.
"Did you want to say goodbye?" Sam asked quietly. That's' when I put it together. It was Jim who was at my feet, wrapped in a white sheet.
I nodded at Sam and he backed up next to his brother and the angel. I knelled beside Jim and sighed. I had always dreaded the day that I'd have to bury my family, and this was too soon, but the day was here.
"I'm sorry, Jim." I whispered to him. We should have been much older for this. Older better people with families of our own, but you and I both see now that that wasn't going to happen. I remember when Uncle Fisher said that you were coming to stay with us. I couldn't have been more excited to see my long lost brother. I might have been disappointed in what you became, but I won't ever blame you. I understand what the war did to you and Uncle Fisher and that you both had to move on in different ways, but I won't blame you for the path you took.
I'm sorry that I wasn't a better sister like mom wanted me to be. I should have been there more when you needed me, instead of being at a school that we all knew I was going to fail. Things would have been different. That I know. And now here we are. You and Uncle Fisher. I gave a small chuckle to myself, trying to press down the lump in my throat. I tried to run to protect you and him, but he just couldn't bear to let me out of his sight. I blinked away a tear. Guess I should have tried harder for you both. Maybe then we wouldn't be here. Not like this.
"Well, I'll see you on the other side bro. Take care of Uncle up there, and mom and dad. Tell them I love them for me, would ya?" I kissed my fingers then placed then softly on the covered face of my brother. "I'll see ya around, 'kay? I love you, Jim."
I stood back up and nodded at the boys who came over and hauled Jim on top of the pile. I kept a hand on the body as it was lifted onto the pile then backed away as Dean and Sam poured lighter fluid onto the wood and body. Sam handed me a match box that I looked at for a few moments before taking a single match, striking it on the side of the box and throwing it onto a puddle of the lighter fluid on a close log. We backed up a good ten feet or so and watched the whole thing slowly catch fire.
It took a good few minutes before the whole thing took, and by that time my eyes were watering with tears from the smoke and the end. This was it.
"Goodbye my brother." I said as quietly as I could to myself.
I was stable until the stench of burning flesh filled the air. That's when I lost control. My knees couldn't hold my weight any longer and I dropped to the ground, not bothering to cover or rub my burning eyes.
I felt a hand on my left shoulder and an arm wrapping around my back from the right. Beside me on the ground was Dean. I leaned on his shoulder as the fire blazed on.
Pops and sizzles came from the wet wood as drops of water fell all around us. I didn't even register that it was raining until a long trench coat was hung around me.
When my hair had become drenched and the fire had died down, I let Dean lead me back into the lodge. I was sat down on the couch then Sam handed me a towel that I wrapped around my hair.
"Alright, you need some pie." Dead said, digging around the fridge till he came over with the only pie left from last night.
"Dean, not now." Sam sighed.
"No, it's fine." I took the pie and slowly dug into its salty crust.
"You'll feel better after that." Dean sat down beside me and flicked on the T.V. at a low volume.
"Sam. Dean. Castiel. Thank you, for this. For everything."
"You got it." Sam said gently.
"Only thing," I spoke through a mouthful of pie, "Why burn, not bury?"
"It's a hunter's funeral. He's soul will go right to heaven and not wander."
"Oh," I finished half the pie then put it back in the fridge. Now it was eleven and I was feeling like being alone for a while.
"So, the pie workin'?" Dean asked with a sure-of-himself smile.
I needed to play along with him to not make the worry. "Actually, I think it is."
"See, pie. Good for everything."
"In fact, it's putting me right to sleep." I yawned.
"Okay, see you tomorrow?" Sam asked. His voice sounded like it was checking to see if I was alright.
"Yeah, but hey," they both turned around, "I'm cooking breakfast this time."
"Fine." Dean smiled. And that was the icing on the cake.
I headed back to my room where I sat on my bed and pulled out the black box. Out of the box I pulled out the white feather and a written note. I read the little note a few times over in my head then looked over the feather. When I heard footsteps in the hall, I quickly hid the box, sliding it back under my pillow. As the footsteps continued down the hall, past my room, I sighed then just pulled out my Ipod and put the note and feather on my table.
Just as I was about to hook myself up, I heard, "It's over now." I jumped at the voice and dropped the Ipod in my lap. I turned and gave him a disgruntled look and he replied with a, "I'm sorry." and he looked down at the floor.
"Yes, it's over now." Well that part was over. Now it was time to prepare myself for the next part, but I wasn't going to let them know about my plans. If I go and get myself killed, it'll just be me this time.
"You sound like you don't mean it." he said.
"It has to be the end. What more could we do now?"
"Nothing, I guess."
"Then, it's finished." And now the lying began. I wished he wouldn't press on.
"So what now?" I looked at him, not really understanding the question. "What do you plan on doing now, now that your bother and uncle are gone?"
"Home isn't safe anymore. They can find me there." Just then I noticed that I still had on Castiel's coat. I pulled it off, and folded it in my hands. It was just about dry and I held it out for him to take. He got up and took it then I patted down at the bed beside me, telling him to sit. He paused for a moment but put the coat back on then sat down like I'd asked.
"Then where are you going to go, Satine?" he looked up at me.
"My family is all dead now, and I think Nora killed what was left of them in me. I think, if I can, I'll stay here. I don't have anything left there worth continuing."
"You'll just end it?"
"I don't have to. Nora did that for me. I believe that life is dead, as is that Satine. It's time to start over. A new life." Just then I noticed the feather and what Gabriel had said. I looked back at Castiel and slowly reached out to his hand that sat in his lap. He didn't jerk away, just looked at my hand. "Thank you, Castiel."
"What for?" he slowly looked back at me.
"For bringing me here. For saving me." I ran my fingers through the short hair around his ear. Again, he didn't jerk away, but steadily leaned into my touch.
"I didn't save-" he started but silenced when I turned his face towards me, rubbing his cheekbone with my thumb.
"You did." I said very quietly looking, searching his deep eyes. My heart raced as I leaned forward and closed my eyes. I could feel him under my grip lean towards me and I brought my lips to his. He took in a deep breath as he pushed into me with his face and his hands snaked around me, one behind my head, holding me still, and the other around my back, pushing me closer to him. The energy I felt coming off from him zoomed through me, sending a rush through my veins. My hands traveled from his face to the back of his head, searching for anywhere where they could stick and hold on. Quickly I felt our weight change and before I knew it, he had me on my back with my wrists pinned on either side of my head.
When he finally backed off, I had to gasp for breath as I sat up. I could see that he was also breathless, his shoulders moving quickly as he took in each deep breath.
"I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me." he breathed, his eyes searching around the room for something to take his gaze away from mine.
"Don't be." I crawled forwards and planted my lips on his cheek. When I stood back up, I grabbed my nightgown then headed to the bathroom. Changed and teeth brushed, I turned down my bed and readied it for sleep. I climbed in after putting the feather and note back in my black box under my pillow then laid down.
The room may have been empty, but it still felt like he was there. I could feel myself still pinned under him as his powerful lips were on mine, trying to devour me. I could still taste the salt from his skin, the warmth of his breath, and the gentleness, but purposefulness of his hands. I could feel his want like he couldn't hold back and this made me smile. The feeling of being wanted, wanted like this, was great. It was refreshing and I enjoyed every second of it.
This was the start of my new life, and not for one second did I feel alone. I felt accepted in this small, odd family that I knew had been through more than most. The boys had a past that I didn't know, but could see on them, an angel who needed guidance and affection, then there was me. The makings of a strong family.
"Cas, there you are." Dean said opening another beer and handing it to Sam.
"Dean, I think there's something wrong with my vessel."
"Why, what's up?"
"It feels like a build-up of heated air in his organs and a throbbing in his chest."
"Wait, hold on. Air like gas?"
"No, not the kind that you produce as a cleanser of the intestines. He has a sickening feeling is the stomach."
"When did it start?"
"Almost a week ago. It wasn't that bad then, but now I can't ignore it. Dean, I think he'll give out soon. Breathing is becoming difficult at times." Castiel said nervously and becoming short of breath.
"Okay, sit down and calm down." Dean sat him at the table and Sam walked over, taking interest in this new ordeal.
"What's going on?" he asked.
"You said it started almost a week ago?"
"Yes, but it isn't constant."
"How often does it occur?" Sam asked.
"There isn't a specific number nor is there a precise time of day, but it happens more often at night."
"At night?" Dean looked at Sam, lost.
"Do you notice to be doing anything that might be different to when it isn't bothering you?" Sam sat down at the table beside him.
"No."
"So it's randomly happening."
"The only thing is that it's stronger when Satine is around."
"Satine?" Sam was even more lost than Dean.
Dean thought over everything again before rolling his eyes and laughing. "Oh my god." he chuckled.
"Dean, how is the state of my vessel funny? Without it, I'll have to travel into the other Novaks."
Dean laughed again then whispered to Sam who was silent for a moment then also started laughing.
"I still fail to see the humor in the situation." Castiel barked, annoyed by their childlike response.
"Cas, you're going to be fine, just fine."
"I am?"
"That was a good one." Dean wiped away a tear forming in his eye.
"Cas, either you or Jimmy are having a reaction to Satine. One of you finds her attractive." Sam explained.
"You get 'em tiger." Dean smiled.
"I don't get it, how does anything have to do with that?"
"See, when a human likes another human they can feel off. Every symptom you listed is every symptom of someone being in love."
"There's connections between physical feelings and thoughts?"
"Afraid so." Dean gently slapped him on the shoulder. "I'm out. Cas, man, you're too much." Dean headed for his room. Castiel gave a slight smile that he didn't understand, but he did feel relief that there was nothing wrong with Jimmy.
"Can I fix it?" Castiel asked Sam.
"There's nothing to fix. Nothing is broken. That's just how we are." Sam said, throwing out his bottle then headed to his room. "Night, Cas."
"Oh, but I'd give her a few days." Dean came back out. "Don't jump into anything yet. She's probably not up for anything yet." Little did Dean know what Satine already did. She had learned from Castiel's own brother about his infatuation and had a slight one with Castiel as well.
With everyone around him sound asleep, Castiel had nothing better to do than just sit with his sweet sweet Satine. And how could he not after what they shared. At her lowest low, she still managed to fit him in with everything that had happened. Did he even deserve this attention? This growing devotion? He was more than willing to return anything that she'd give him without a second thought, but was that what she wanted? Did she really want him or had she picked up on his feelings and just played along with him?
He knew that time changed people, but he feared that it would only lead her away from him. He did, however, hold on to the small hope that she would grow to feel for him more and more each day. And he wondered if someday, she'd be the enchanting angel that he had dreamed about, the one who he'd chased through the forest on more than one occasion. It was a recurring thought that he'd had. Dressed in white on a snowy hill stood Satine with her arms spread open, waiting for him to return to her. He wanted her to want him and not just because he wanted her, but because she truly wanted him. He wanted her to act on her own thoughts and emotions. But more than anything, he wanted her safe and happy.
A single deep breath was taken in below him as she rolled over to face him in her sleep. He knelled on the floor beside the bed and laid his head on the pillow next to hers. Safety was most important to him. He wanted to see his beautiful beautiful Satine to grow old, healthy, happy, and safely. His hidden angel who could be nothing else but an angel.