Chapter 2

Patients say it all the time: 'Tell me straight up. I just want to know what's going on. Tell me, I can handle it.' We don't dodge your questions because we're mean. We do it because when you say you want the truth, you have no idea what you're talking about. They say the truth will set you free. What the hell do they know? The truth is horrible. Frightening. The truth is more than you can bear. We're supposed to be straight with you, so be careful what you ask for when you walk into a hospital. Because when you find out what's really going on, you may never recover. Meredith Grey; She´s Killing Me

"We will perform more frequent ultrasound examinations to term and once you've given birth, your girl is brought to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit and treated there with medication. Towards the end of the first week, the first heart surgery is performed, so the Norwood Procedure I." "How does the operation work?" Derek asked to Cristina turned. "It chooses between two variations."

"What would that be?" Derek prodded. "It even stand the Norwood procedure with modified Blalock- Taussig- shunt and there is a variant that is the Norwood procedure with Sano- shunt." Cristina replied to Derek's questions.

"What are the differences between modified Blalock- Taussig- shunt and shunt Sano-?" Meredith asked. "In the modified Blalock- Taussig- shunt an aorto-pulmonary connection is established for the pulmonary circulation. That is, there is a shunt from the right brachial artery applied to the right pulmonary artery. In addition, the atrial septum is removed so that the blood from the left atrium for free can right heart flow. " "And there are other options? What about a hybrid operation?"

"A hybrid operation is only considered when a Norwood surgery is contraindicated." "How does a hybrid surgery work?" Derek asked as he held Meredith' hand to give her the much- needed strength.

"It is the right and left pulmonary artery created a Goretex ribbon and then held arteriosus open using a stent of the duct. The actual reconstruction follows along with the operation Glenn- aged about 4- 7 months." Arizona replied to this question , "But first Norwood should be considered." "And what happens then?" Meredith asked dejectedly. For them, a normal day had developed into the worst nightmare of every parent ...

"However, it could be that your baby has other abnormalities, such as malrotation of the intestine or pyloric stenosis." Arizona Robbins informed the parents sadly, but she did not show it.

It was really a nightmare.

A freaking nightmare you want to wake up from it but you can´t.

And you realize that the nightmare, you were sure is a dream, has become reality...

And there is no waking up from up...

At the end of Derek and Meredith had no idea how they got out of the exam room.

Both were completely shocked...

Suspected diagnosed was H.L.H.S.

Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome, the most complex heart defect there is.

"I wanna go home. Derek." Meredith said when they were outside of the exam room. Arizona threw them a concerned as well worried look before she was paged away. Cristina sighed as she met the couple on the floor. She just shattered both of their hopes to get a healthy baby.

"Mer." She simply said.

Meredith looked up at Cristina, watery tears in her eyes.

"Just don´t go all dark and twisty on me." Considering the situation, this was a joke and the absurdity of this sentence was just ...

But they were Meredith and Cristina, the twisted sisters and people mostly don´t understand any of what they say to each other. But Meredith understood what her person wanted to say. ´Just don´t go all dark and twisty on me´ is the code for Stay strong, Mer. You´ve come so far and you´ll make it through this. You just have to keep the faith.

She nodded and let Cristina hug her. Normally, they don´t do hugs, but this was a different situation.

"I think I want to go home. First we have to get the kids from daycare." She told Derek, and was half talking to Cristina...

But then the cardiothoracic surgeon was paged and left just as Arizona. When the couple got home, Derek managed to get Meredith to eat something and Amelia helped them to put the kids to bed. When Derek came into the bedroom, he saw a fragile figure laying on their bed... He joined her.

Meredith was laying on the bed, turned his face to the wall and stared at it. Derek layed next to her, stroking her hair. Both were trying to wrap their minds around the things they have to deal with. Things that aren´t easy to deal with. A diagnosis that requires surgery, risky surgery more than only once. At least three surgeries in order to give their little one a shot at life.

"What are we gonna do, Derek? There is a actual chance that our baby dies soon after birth." Meredith' voice broke through the silence.

Derek let out a desperate sigh.

He did not know these answer. For all he knew that they were strong together and that they will get through this together- whatever it takes. "I don´t know the answers to these questions, Mer. But I do know that we will get through all of this mess together. And remember, Grey- Shepherds are resilient, so McFetus in there, is too." He told her.

"Do you remember my last pregnancy with Bailey?" She suddenly said. Derek grunted an affirmative 'Hmmm', but never said anything coherently.

"I acted like a total hypochondriac, back then all of you just laughed. Yeah, Alex said, a heart defect or cleft palate would be occuring more often in babies... All these horror scenarios were gone the second I held Bailey in my arms but now they´re back..." Meredith rambled, clearly could not stop on which Derek couldn´t blame her for once. Actually, he always had loved her rambling. It makes her adorable and it was cute ...

Derek sat up. "What do you mean with that?" He asked, demanding to know, but he kept his voice down. He did not want to wake the kids who were sleeping soundly in their beds, totally unaware of what was going on.

"It´s nothing ... probably near idiotic, but ..." Meredith stuttered, but her words did not add up, they just did not make any sense.

"Meredith, calm down. Calm down." Derek soothed her like he did with his kids if they weren´t feeling well or just fussy...

The next morning neared and Meredith refused reluctantly to get up. "Meredith, please. I know this is going to be hard on you, as it is going to be hard on all of us- Zozo, Bai and our daughter... We will all suffer, that´s for sure, one more than the other. If we are lucky, the kids won´t understand what is happening at first, but they will be confused of course."

"You mean like preparing them for what is happening? You mean we should 'em about their sibling being born with a sick heart?"

Maybe we should. A least Zo, 'cause she is the older one and more attentive than Bai, he is definitely to young to understand, but Zozo might get it." He explains to her. "Come on, Mer. Get up."

"Don´t have to. I am on maternity leave. Have fun." She told him, avoiding his glance.

Derek gave up and went downstairs. Bailey and Zola were already up. Amelia was standing in the kitchen and made pancakes for the kids. "Hey, Derek. I haven´t heard you people come home last night. Where were you?" She asked and scanned him with a knowing look on her face. She knew something was going on. It´s the thing with siblings.

"Are you going to tell me now what is going on with you and Meredith? Has it something to do with the unborn baby..." Amelia´s voice shuddered at the thought of her 'unicorn baby'. Her boy had been born without a brain and therefore died. She decided to donate the organs of her baby boy so that other babies that still have a shot at life, can be saved with an organ transplant.

Derek nodded, unable to conceal it any longer.

And he needs to talk to somebody since Mark isn´t here anymore...

"Yes, Amy. It is about our baby." He confirmed. "Is everything okay with its ... " She swallowed hardly. "... brain?"

Derek looked at his youngest sister. "Why wouldn´t it? It is her heart the ultrasound showed an abnormality on the heart." Amy did not answer, she looked at the ground desperately avoiding Derek´s gaze.

"Amy. Were you pregnant? And your baby died because of a brain thing?" Derek exclaimed, studying Amelia closely. He hoped it wasn´t true, but seemingly it was.

"Yes, Derek. I got pregnant while I was high on drugs. Later I discovered that my baby has no brain." She confessed, her voice strong.

What? Amy had been...

That must have been after the relapse and the thing with Ryan.

No brain. Slowly the words sink in. His little sister has had a baby and it died.

No brain meant it was born with anencephaly.

Derek did not know what to say to Amy. He looked at her stunned.

"Oh, Amy I did not know. I am so so sorry." He said, dull pain sounding in his voice, although he now sees things in another perspective: Amy´s baby couldn´t be saved. A life without a brain is not possible, but for their baby... Their is still hope. His baby´s brain is working...

"Have you told mum?" He asked silently.

Amelia shook her head. "Only Addison and the others at Ocean Side Wellness know about this. Now, enough about me and what I lost."

She paused. "Your baby... is it healthy?" Derek shook his head and feels his chest tighten at the same time.

"They diagnosed it with a possible CHD." Derek told his sister, who breathed in sharply. He knew she was thinking about her dead baby. "Hey, Derek. I am sure your baby will make it." Amelia reassured her big brother.

The kids were sitting at the kitchen table, both of them were painting.

Only Zola looked up a few times.

Suddenly it ringed on the door. "I´ll open it." Zola exclaimed happily, and ran to the front door. Alex was standing there, wet. It was raining again. It is Seattle, almost every day it rains in seattle. "Uncle Alex." She jumped up and down. "Zo. Happy to see you. Where is your mummy and daddy?" "Daddy´s in the kitchen and mummy´s upstairs. Daddy says she isn´t feeling well."

When he heard Derek and Amelia taliking in the kitchen, he cleared his throat to get their attention.

Instantly he had both of their attention.

"Alex." Derek was surprised to see him here. "Is something going on between you and Jo." Alex shook his head and told him: "I am here because of Meredith. Cristina told me what happened and i thought she could use some sort from the best fellow peds surgeon there is."

"Your ego is pretty huge, isn´t it?" Amelia commented.

"Amelia. Stop it." Derek scolded her.

"Nah, it´s okay."

"Dad ..." piped Zola and showed him a self-painted picture of a house and a sun and a tree. "Very good, Zola. You did great." He praised his daughter and smiled for a few seconds. "Show the picture Auntie Amy, will you?" Zola nodded and smiled at her father, who had to laugh then. She was just too sweet, he found. Zola went to Amelia and showed her also the self-painted picture. She praised Zola just as her daddy did before.

"Wow, Zozo, the picture is great. How did you do that?"" Dada." Bailey made a sound and stumbled against her feet. Amelia inevitably had to grin. Then she became serious again. "Should I talk to Meredith now? "She asked quietly. "Yes, little Shep, you try your luck with now again dark and twisty Meredith." Alex inspired the young doctor. Derek looked weird from the side, but Alex took it easy.

"I do not know what it should be funny or amusing about any of this." He said irritably at one of his wife´s best friends except Cristina who was at the hospital and taking up on paperwork as they speak.

"Hey, Derek. You can make it. A heart defect is no longer a death sentence anymore. Lots of babies survive even the very sick ones, of course there are exceptional cases where the babies die soon after birth because of the closure of the PDA, but most important is that we have a chance to treat the medical condition your daughter will be born with." The young pediatric surgeon tried to help Derek and obviously, it worked.

Derek did not show more than a weak grin. Alex really had a wry sense of humor.

Alex looked questioningly at Derek when he did not answer immediately.