I've written songs to tell you
the special way I feel,
but I clouded up the meanings
with words that were not real.
I've come to this conclusion:
there's just one thing to do
Come right out and tell you
honestly and true
I've always loved you,
I always will
I've always loved you
and love you still.
...
She's walking towards you, and god does she look stupid in that frilly little dress she has on. You still can't believe Dave talked her into going with you; you were honestly kidding when you said you wanted to go with her.
She smiles at you and well, you have to smile back. Who can resist smiling on a night like tonight?
You can see Dave out of the corner of your eyes and dear lord it is taking all your strength not to jump him. Of course, that would be bad. You are not a homosexual, after all.
Well, you are. But that's not the point.
"I think I'll leave you two lovebirds alone for a little bit." you hear him mutter beside you. God, even his voice is perfect tonight. Or maybe that's just you hearing things. You wave to him so he knows you heard him and watch him leave.
It's ten seconds later when you realize what he just said and what just happened.
He just left you alone on Prom night.
Well, you have a date, but you don't really like her. Or, just not the way you like Dave.
"Shall we go dance?" she asks you, fluttering her eyelashes. You inwardly groan at that, but smile and nod to her anyways. Might as well make the most of tonight.
...
"Dave! Oh my god, tonight was AMAZING!" you shout to him the very moment you seat yourself in his truck. You love this truck. You wait just a beat before mumbling, "It would have been more fun with you there though." you half hope he doesn't hear you.
He does, and you can tell because he smiles a little. You like it when he smiles.
"What? And risk ruining your perfect date with the perfect girl? No way!" he laughs. Laughs at you.
You can feel your face heating up. He doesn't realize how much you care about him.
"She's...not really my type..." you don't even notice that you said that until the truck jerks a little bit.
Then he pulls into a gas station.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHES NOT YOUR TYPE?!" he yells at you. You look down and frown at your pants.
You would tell him the real reason why she's not your type, being as she's a girl, but you can't. You can't just tell him that you're in love with your straight best friend. He would never talk to you again.
You realize you still haven't said anything and blurt out the first thing that comes to mind.
"I kinda like a different guy anyways." you raise your hands up defensively and pray he didn't hear that little slip up. He doesn't seem to have heard it and you let out a sigh of relief.
"So...what's her name?" he asks. You smile at that, and just shrug. It's not like he's ever going to find out anyways. That's fine with you. He doesn't need to know. As long as he still thinks your straight, he can't never get suspisious of your feelings.
"Not telling." you tell him.
You don't notice the single tear that rolls down his face.
...
You tell Angie that it's not working out and decide to ask out Amy. She's a nice girl, and you know that she likes you.
You hate doing this, really you do. But what else are you supposed to do?
She has stunning green eyes; they aren't bad looking, but you don't really care for the color green that much. Her hair is a strawberry blonde with streaks of forest green running through them, but you wish it was platinum blond.
She wears a short pink skirt and a fluffy white blouse. But you wish they were jeans and a long sleeve red shirt. Her chest is a little big, and you can't help but wish they weren't even there.
You wish she was Dave.
You feel your face heat the moment you realize what you just thought and hide your face in your hands so they don't see it.
"I knew this was a bad idea." you hear yourself mumble. She laughs, and god do you hate her laugh.
...
Amy dumped you, and you think it might have something to do with the fact that you never shut up about Dave. You don't tell him that she dumped you, but you think he knows.
Everyone does.
...
Diana is shorter, and you wish she was taller. Her hair is almost the same shade of blonde, but it's just not the same. Her eyes are a hazel color, and it just doesn't suit what you think Dave's eyes look like.
You've never seen them, so you wouldn't know.
Dave looks her over when he picks her up, and you can't help but worry that he might be catching on to the fact that you like him.
Diana reminds you a lot of Dave, so you think this might actually go pretty well.
"Hi, my name is Diana." she says quietly. She really, really reminds you of Dave and you can't help but smile.
And then she says something that makes your smile drop and a sigh of relief to fall out.
"You know, John. I don't really think this, whatever it is, will work out."
...
Angie keeps asking you to give her another chance. That she can change if she did something wrong. You know that Dave doesn't like her very much, but she just keeps pestering you about it.
"I don't want to, but she keeps asking me!" you shout. He doesn't seem to care all that much and you decide that maybe you shouldn't either.
Sometimes, you just wish he would care though. Make this stupid crush thing not so one-sided.
...
You are having a hard time trying to keep your crush on Dave a secret. Jade knows know, and Rose has known since the 4th grade.
You know he's on to you when he turns to you one day. You just know what he's about to ask.
"John, are you crushing on Lalonde?" he asks. You blink twice, confused for a moment.
And then you realize he doesn't know yet and that you're still safe.
"To be truthful, yea I kinda am..." you lie, knowing he'll drop it after a while.
"Dude, you know she's gay right?" he says softly. You almost smile at that, because yes, you know. And she knows that you are too.
"Yea..."
"Okay, as long as you know what you're getting yourself into."
...
"Dave, I don't think I'm cut out for dating." you tell him. You've been trying to get up enough courage to tell him this for a week now.
"Huh? You think?" he asks, turning his face towards you.
"Yeah."
...
He's avoiding you.
At first, you thought maybe he was just really busy, but now you know.
"Dave, are you avoiding me?" you ask, just to make sure. You hear a click and the line does dead.
You start to cry, and try to call him back again, but he doesn't answer.
You don't really know what you did, and you are starting to think maybe he found out that you fell in love with him.
He doesn't feel the same, you know that. You KNEW that.
...
As you watch the caps from graduation flout back to the ground, you notice a pair of shades in the flood of people. You smile at him, and then you notice he's crying.
"Oh my god! Dave, you're crying!" you push past the bodies in your way and pull him into a hug.
"No shit John." his voice wavers and you start to cry with him. You love this idiot. Why he's crying, you don't know. But you don't mind so much, because you get to hold him close, and nuzzle his hair. Breathing in the scent that is just purely Dave.
...
"Hi Dirk!" you smile up at the older Strider. You can't help but admire his good looks, he does look a lot like Dave. Only, he's not Dave. He's Dirk. Still attractive, though.
"Hey shorty. Dave isn't here. Didn't you hear?" he tell you. You tilt your head to one side in confusion. Hear what? What could there have been for you to hear? "Dave moved, dude."
You feel tears pooling in your eyes when that sentence registers.
"Wh-what?" you stutter.
Of all the people that know you fell for Dave, Dirk has to be the most caring. He scoops you up in a hug and carries you to Dave's room.
A lot of his stuff is still here.
Dirk leaves you to yourself, and don't notice until now that you are still crying.
An old shirt of Dave's lays forgotten in the middle of the room and you hug it to your chest. It still smells like him, and damn it you can't believe he didn't tell you he was moving.
...
He won't return your calls, and Dirk has stopped letting you stay over in Dave's room. You think you are overreacting to this, but maybe you aren't.
You don't know what you did, but you think maybe he's just really weirded out by the fact you fell for him. Well, who wouldn't be?
He is straight, after all.
...
Dirk wanted you to be here for some reason. You aren't sure why, but you don't want to upset the older Strider. So here you are, waiting.
"Hi, uh...are you John?" someone asks, and you look up to see a boy around your age in a wheelchair. Now that you think about it, he looks kinda familier.
"Tavros?" you question, not completely sure if it really is your friend. He looks up at you and smiles slightly.
"John...uh, Edbert?"
"Hey!" you pull him into a one-armed hug that he returns.
"Hey, uh...meet my friend Karkat..." Tavros lets go of you, and motions to a short kid scowling next to him.
"I am not your fucking friend." he mumbles. You wince at his tone, but Tavros just laughs. "My name is Karkat Vantas, and I don't fucking want to be here."
You smile at him and his face goes red. It's adorable, he looks so young.
You wonder how old he is.
"Karkat here works with our old friend Dave. His father, Slick, works with my dad." Tavros explains. You stop, almost choking on air.
"You work with Dave?!" you shout the question at Karkat.
"Yeah, so what?"
"Can I see him?!"
...
"Is...is Dave here?" you ask the girl working at the counter. She looks up at you and smiles.
"Sorry babe, no. He's out for a bit." she tells you. You decide to ignore the fact she called you 'babe' for no reason, and walk out.
...
"Hi...is Dave working today?" you ask, confused. You thought the cafe was run by a female, but the person in front of you is most deffinetly male.
"No. Get out." he tells you. His voice almost sounds the same as her's, but a lot deeper, and gruffer. Almost like he yells a lot.
"Could you tell him I came by?"
He glares at you, and you take that as your cue to leave.
...
"DAVE! I NEED TO TALK TO YOU! I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE DUDE!" you yell, trying to get him to come out. He doesn't, and you question whether or not he even heard you. It's possible he didn't.
You walk down the steps of his apartment and sit down at the very bottom.
You don't even remember falling asleep until someone pokes you awake.
"Oi, get up."
"Hmmm...?" you crack open your eyes and come face to face with they guy from the cafe. He glares down at you, and you shuffle to your feet.
"What the fuck are you doing?" he asks, sounding tired. You shrug, and move out of his way. He sighs and you look back up at him. "He should be awake by now, but you should know...You need to go home at least once. You slept on the stairs last night."
...
"Dave, come on. Please answer me at least." you hope he doesn't hear the waver in your voice as you speak. You knock once more, just for good measure.
You don't hear him moving at all. You hope he can at least hear you.
"Dave, p-please. I can't say this through a door." you hear the stutter, and you pray he doesn't.
Still more silence.
"Dave fucking Strider, I swear to god!" you shout again, holding as much resolve as possible.
You feel the growing lump in your throat, and almost turn to leave when you see the door open just a bit. Taking your chance, you push it all the way open and wrap your arms around him.
"DAVE!" you are heavier then you thought, because he falls back onto the floor and you fall after him. Normally, you would be embarrassed, but you can't bring yourself to care all that much right now, because you can finally seem him, and talk to him.
"John, what the hell." he says.
You start to cry again, like the big baby you are.
"Dave, I missed you so goddamn much." you sound stupid, but you don't care. You missed this asshole. So fucking much.
"I missed you too you stupid idiot. I missed you so much it hurt. John I missed you. I missed you. I missed you so fucking much John. Oh my god I missed you. I love you John, I missed you so much." he's still crying when he pushes you away from him.
It takes a moment before what he said sinks in.
"You...wait..what?"
"Uh...shit." he mutters, running a hand through his hair.
And holly fuck, he's not wearing his shades.
His eyes are red.
Fucking red.
And they're perfect.
"Dave...Dave, your eyes..." you stare, mystified by the gorgeous color, and he shouts.
"Shit!"
"Dave, I love your eyes...Dave...I love you too." you're still staring at his eyes, when you notice he's crying again.
"Are you fucking kidding me?"
You shake your head, smiling brightly. He smiles back.
You aren't sure who moves first, exactly. But at some point, you both lunged for each other.
You've kissed people before. There was even that time with Karkat, when you were drunk. Of course, he wouldn't talk to you for a week after that, but you made up. He just reminded you of Dave and, well you were drunk.
But this, this kiss. This is perfect.
Your lips move in sync and mold together like they were made for this. It's perfect, and god have you been missing out on this.
I borrow from the poets clever ways to say, but
things that mean the most are said in simple ways.
I've always loved you, I always will
I've always loved you and love you still.
I've been trying so long, but saying it all wrong
The way I feel-that I've always loved you.
...
So there's that. A truly happy ending. Thanks to Ticci Tabbi for the review that made me want to do this! I hope you like it!
Also, my sister gave me the idea to use this song. Apparently she heard in it a movie or something and loved it.
It's called I've Always Loved You by Bobby Vinton.
So yeah. There you go.