19

Gadreel rubbed my shoulders when noon passed by and he grew worried. He rubbed my shoulder harder until I opened her eyes and rolled away from him.

"Satine," I made no effort to respond. "Satine, it's after noon." I stayed still and sighed heavily. "I'm sorry," I then looked at him and sat up, letting my legs hang off the bed. He turned away in guilt. "Are you hungry?" I shook my head. "Please, come and eat with me." He stood up and tugged on my arm gently then recoiled in pain. He grabbed his shoulder and winced in pain. I got up and went to the bathroom and grabbed a bottle of pills then came back and handed him two.

"Swallow those, they'll help with the pain." He took them and rolled them around in his palm.

"You need them more than me." I just shot him a look. He looked back down and took them without a second asking.

We went down stairs and I got out oatmeal and two bowls.

"I'll do it." Gadreel offered and I backed up, letting him make breakfast. He read the directions and got to work. A few minutes later he handed me my bowl. We ate in silence while I stared off into space. I felt his eyes on me often but I was so numb still. There was no more pain, just an emptiness. I got up with my empty bowl and left it in the sink.

I could feel eyes on me as I left and went into the living room where I sat in the dark. Gadreel joined me soon and sat beside me. He was stiff beside me and I sighed. I couldn't take this out on him, so I cupped his face, surprising him. He turned to me quickly while I ran my thumb over his bruised face.

"How do you feel?" I asked softly.

"After everything, you are asking me how I feel?"

"Yes, I forgive you." He knitted his eyebrows together at me. "I forgive you because I trust you more than most people." He dropped his eyes from mine.

"Why? Why out of all people, angels and humans, do you put your trust in me? What have I ever done to warrant your trust?"

"Why shouldn't I?" He didn't want to answer that and I could clearly see that he did not feel worthy. "I care about you. You've shown that you are willing to give your life for me, someone you have no debt to."

"Yes I do."

"No, Gadreel." My voice held on tightly to his name as it escaped my mouth. "No you don't. Anything and everything that has ever happened to me is my or my mother's fault."

"I should have been with you yesterday."

"No, they would have done worse to you."

"You worry for me?"

"Of course I do." I was pulled to him after saying that but it surprised me so much that I pulled away.

"I apologize. I've been alone for so long. I do not understand how to show affection."

"No, you were right. I'm just—I'm still numb."

"May I touch you?" he asked carefully.

"You may," I allowed. When I agreed he gently had me turn so that my back was to him.

"Tell me if I hurt you," he asked then slowly started to rub my shoulder blades in gentle circles with his thumbs. "Does this feel okay?" he asked. I nodded and leaned back into him slowly. He did this for a few minutes and I felt much of the pain melt away, but then he stopped and stood.

"Don't turn around." He said.

"What are you doing?" I questioned, not sure what to expect.

"Just hold on a moment." I could hear the sound of something moving behind me and I was very tempted to turn.

"Gadreel?"

"Alright," I turned slowly to see him standing in the middle of the room with two huge wings spread across the room. Their tips touched each wall with light feathers that shined blue. They were huge, and regal, and broken. They were thin and patchy. Scars and marks covered them where feathers did not. My mouth hung open at the sight of them while he wouldn't look at me.

"I thought you said-…"

"I did not tell you the truth."

"Why not?" I stood and reached out to touch them, but he recoiled away from my hand. He looked like he was kicking himself mentally for pulling back and gave me the okay to touch them. Carefully I reached out again to run my fingers over the feathers. They were soft and powerful but few in number.

"I was ashamed to reveal them to you. They are in a terrible state and we take such pride in our wings. They reflect us."

"Gadreel, they are beautiful." I said, circling him so I could see from the back.

"Not anymore. They were once my most precious attribute, but now they are but a shadow of their former magnificence."

"What happened to them?" He closed them up closer to himself then turned to face me.

"They grew weak in the cell and a sickness took them over. I've done what I can to restore them, but I fear, this is all they will ever be." He had a certain sadness in his voice that made me want to comfort him with an embrace, but I wouldn't allow myself.

This display made me wonder who was the luckier one; I had mine ripped away in an instant while he sat for years watching them die still attached.

"Why did you decide to show me?"

"You allowed me to touch you in the most intimate way that angels can."

"You said I am not an angel."

"I was wrong. To allow you to touch my wings, is the ultimate sign of trust." After telling me that, I had a strong need to touch him again. I put my arms around him quickly and rubbed my cheek into his neck. I could feel that his caught him off guard but he accepted it and in turn put his arms around me. I opened my eyes after a few moments to see that his wings were around me as well, holding me closer to him.

He was warm and gentle and safe, everything I needed to feel.

I stood with him for a few moments until I felt him tense up. "What's wrong?"

"Demons," he whispered. I pulled for him and scanned his face. He looked like he could feel them near us.

"Where?"

"Close,"

"We should leave for a while. We've been here too long." He nodded and I ran to get dressed quickly. Gadreel did the same after hiding his wings again. I grabbed my bag with money and the blade before running for the car, but the tires were slashed.

"Shit," I muttered as I grabbed my phone sending a quick text to tell the guys to meet us in a nearby park.

"You have a plan?"

"We're going to find the Winchesters and hide with them." He did not look pleased with this idea, but it was the best I had for the moment. "C'mon," I led him to the park where I kept a watchful eye out. It was cold and there was snow all around us, but there was still a good amount of people around. This made me weary.

"You're human right?"

"Yes,"

"And I've lost most of my grace. In this many people we'll be harder for them to detect. We just have to blend in. They don't know exactly what we look like." He nodded in agreement as I could hear the impala's engine nearing. But I quickly spotted two men with black eyes coming this way. Gadreel tensed up beside me so I grabbed his hand and turned to him. "Kiss me," I said. He looked down at me with eyebrows knitted together. "Now," I urged. He then bent down and held my face and put his lips to mine. I kissed him back while his hand hid most of my face and I held onto the collar of his shirt, just so he couldn't pull away until I was sure they'd passed.

I pulled back when they were a good distance away and I could see the impala. I smiled in triumph at the evasion and kissed Gadreel's cold nose before pulling him towards the car.

"He's not coming with us," Dean said as he got out of the driver's seat.

"Yes, he is." I argued.

"No, no, no, not after everything he did."

"Dean, he comes with me." I could feel Gadreel pull back at Dean's tone. "You'll be fine," I whispered to him.

"Nope,"

"Dean," Sam warned him.

"Fine," he grumbled and we all got in the car. "But if you try anything, and I mean anything, I don't care what she says. This knife is going right through you. Got it?" he said facing us in the back.

"Dean, stop it."

"I don't know why you trust him, he is nothing but trouble wrapped in a blanket of douchebag." Boy was Castiel right about not letting them get together.

"I am sorry for everything I've done to you two." Gadreel started. "I want nothing more than to redeem myself to you. I want to prove that I am not as I was. But my job currently is to protect her at all costs."

"Then let me tell you, you've done a wonderful job." He teased angry. Gadreel was tense beside me and for a moment I thought he'd strike. His face was riddled with anger and formed into the heaviest bitchface I'd ever seen in my life. "I've never seen her safer,"

"Dean, knock it off." Sam looked at his brother.

"Don't tell me you're okay with having him around again. Hell, he road you around first and now he's got Satine around his finger."

"Gadreel, what is he talking about?"

"Oh, he didn't tell you? Well he tricked us into thinking he was someone else before slipping into Sam's body to "heal himself". Then he killed a good friend of ours while in Sam and sided with Metatron and almost got all of us killed!"

"I am not like that anymore. I was lost and reason was not on my side."

"Oh, really. Reason, thank god that's with you."

"Because you are the righteous one, Dean, am I correct? You fooled your brother into letting me in and kept the mark of Kane—"

"Enough!" I shouted silencing the whole car. "I don't care what happened in the past. Right now we have demons after us, and angels that will fry us all if we don't get moving. So pack up your pity parties and let's get out of here!" Dean put his head down and put the car in gear.

We got to the motel room and immediately put up sigils and salt before getting settled in for the night. Dean and Sam had boxes of pizza laying around so there was enough food. We ate and flicked on the TV while I searched the internet for anything useful on my laptop. I wasn't sure what I was looking for but I had a good idea about what I needed to do Nora was a large problem that needed to be ended and Samael was sounding like death itself.

The bothers had both fallen asleep by the time I finally put the laptop away. Gadreel was watching TV beside me on the bed when I rubbed his shoulder. "Come on, time to sleep." We laid down and he whispered to me, "I am sorry I did not tell you about what I did back then."

"That was then, you said you are not the same as you were then."

"I am not."

"Then that's all that matters." There was a noise outside the room that grabbed his attention and he sat right up. Whatever it was passed by and I grabbed his shoulder again, "Sleep," He laid back down and tightened the blanket around himself.

We slept until I got a chill and opened my eyes. It was very early in the morning, around five, when I noticed that I was alone in the bed. Sam and Dean were still snoring away but then I saw the door wide open and the salt line broken.

"What the hell?" I mumbled to myself and grabbed a blade before heading out into the cold darkness. In the street lights far down the road heading towards the woods I saw someone lumbering away. I couldn't be sure who it was but by the size I figured that it was Gadreel.

I tried to catch up with them quietly with my blade out, but I had no intention of using it on him. But I didn't understand why he'd be out here at this time of night, or why he'd leave the door open and break the salt line. This worried me as we got further and further away from town. By the time I got up to them it was clear that it was Gadreel, but we were deep in the woods on the side of a dark road. Then he took a sudden turn into the woods through snow. I followed at a distance until we got up to a stream that fell over a large drop. Then he stopped moving and turned to face me in the moonlight while I hid in the shadows.

"You were foolish to think you could hide from us." He said. I stood and faced them in the light now that I had been detected.

"What have you done to Gadreel?"

"Oh, he's not here at the moment and won't be ever again." He laughed.

"Who are you?"

"It does not matter."

"Why are you doing this?"

"The boss wants a word with you, but you've been too busy with this fallen thing to give him the time of day."

"What does he want?"

"He means to speak with you, that is all I can say."

"I have no want to speak with him." I growled.

"Then your pretty angel here will enjoy a nice jump in the water."

"Get out of him!" I demanded. He laughed and shook his head.

"Oh, how quickly you fall for such damned creatures. This one? Really? He was the number one outcast of heaven, and human too."

"I don't care."

"There are so many others to choose from. And what about your Gabriel? Turned him aside have we? Even though the hardest thing he ever did was turn you away." I did not respond. "You place your love in such useless things. Well, I'll be sure to help remove this burden." He turned to face the water and just as he was about to take another step off the side I ran over and pulled him to the ground.

"Fine, take me to your boss." I grumbled, still holding him down.

"Good, he'll be pleased with this."

"Now, get out of him." He laughed before throwing his head back, the cloud of smoke shoot through the air and into the darkness. Gadreel fell into me with no energy that the demon had provided.

"Satine?" he shivered.

"I've got you." I held him to my chest and rubbed his bare arms and kissed his temple. "I've got you."

Dean got up freezing and saw that both Gadreel and Satine were gone. "Sam," he pushed his brother awake.

"What?"

"They're gone."

"Crap,"

"I knew he was trouble still." They got in the car in the slowly lightening sky and headed down roads looking for them.

I saw a pair of headlights coming from town and I began to wave it down. Gadreel was holding on tight to me, shivering. He'd been bare footed and in short sleeves still. He was sure to be sick from the cold.

The car pulled over and the Winchesters got out and ran over to us.

"What did he do?" Dean was aggressive.

"He was possessed. The demon almost threw him into the river."

"You saved him?"

"I need one of your coats, please." I asked. Dean wasn't moving so Sam gave me his. I threw it over Gadreel's shoulders while he still shivered. His face was red from the cold wind and his lips were a slight purple. I thought there would be a fight about what I had agreed to, but he was out of it and I don't think he heard what was said. He was better off that way.

When we got back to the motel I threw him into a hot shower in hope of bringing up his body temperature. I waited outside of the bathroom for him and when he came out in dry clothes, into bed was the only place I could think of.

Dean got a call about two more victims of the animal attack that he needed the check out. Sam offered to stay. I nodded and sat on the bed, rubbing Gadreel's back.

"Sam, I'm going out for a while. Okay?"

"Is that a good idea? I mean after this morning,"

"Sam, everything will be alright." I promised. I was doing this to keep them safe. He knew something was up but didn't object. He knew what it was like to have your life ruled over by others, even though it was only because they cared.

Outside the window someone looked in at me with a sick smile. It was time to go.

"Please don't let Dean hurt him," I looked over at the sleeping man.

"Are you sure you don't want me to go with you?" I looked at him. "Right, I'll do what I can." He promised. I leaned down and kissed Gadreel's cheek and whispered, "Goodbye," before hiding the angel blade in my coat and going with the demon.

"I'm ready." I said as I closed the door. The demon woman put a hand on my shoulder and I opened my eyes to a dimly lit office with carpets and dark wooden furniture.

"Satine," the man turned in the chair behind the desk to face me.

"You wanted to talk," I said.

"Yes," he waved the demon away and it was just us. "No point in keeping that blade close, sweetheart. I have no intention of harming you."

"Good," I sat down and threw my boots on his desk.

"Please, sit down." He said with an air of arrogance.

"What do you want, Crowley?"

"What do I want? I called his meeting for your benefit."

"Well aren't I the luckiest girl?"

"Still got that spunk, I see." He laughed to himself as he looked to remember something. "And all snuggled up with the fallen angel. That surprised me but is hilarious nonetheless."

"Wouldn't have to if your goons would just leave us alone."

"Oh, you know I can't do that. You're far too important, and now I believe you know why."

"Yeah, I was informed of my heritage and how it was of use to you at some point."

"And those feather dusters upstairs ruined something great for me." He reached into a drawer in the desk and pulled out a golden case. "But I have a feeling that I might have your help again."

"Yeah, how's that?"

"This might tempt you." He removed the lid and from inside a glass tube glowed bright white and blue. My eyed grew wide at it. "I knew this might interest you."

"Whose is it?"

"Does that matter, love?"

"Yes," He rolled his eyes.

"This belongs to that empty-headed bulldozer of destruction that you've glued yourself to." I scoffed and sat back in the chair.

"He's managed this long without it."

"Oh, but how will he far when Samael comes looking for you. You've got that nut-job twisted so tightly around your finger that the moment the archangel hits, he'll die for you, human or not."

"He's made that more than clear."

"Then what, have you become so self-centered that his life means nothing to you?" It hurt to think that I'd ever be that way. I knew deep down that the demon had been right. I loved this broken piece of angel and I was willing to die for him. That was the only reason I was here today, but this was a barter. I needed so much more.

"I've warned him more than enough times that he will die if he stays with me."

"I can't say I'm not surprised but I am impressed." He clapped slowly.

"I'm gonna need a better offer from you if you want my help."

"You're going to argue the king of hell?"

"Do you see anyone else for me to argue?"

"Fine," he cooled himself down some. "I have something better you might like then." He reached down and pulled out another vile. "I am aware that you are also without grace. If I were to replenish you back to your useful levels, how about then?"

"You need me to have grace anyway for Nora to hold within me." He looked stumped and what I already knew.

"Seeing as you know so much now, what is it that you want?" Then I smiled, this was where I needed to be.

"Give me control of myself for a few days and a few demons for a while," I stood. "Only when I call them."

"Why on earth would you want that?"

"I'm sure you can understand how desperate I am to get Samael off my scent. Give me power over them just to rid myself of Samael and you can go right back to collecting or whatever else you need Nora to do."

He smiled darkly. "And if Nora is in control, why would you need to rid of Samael? Are you not as heartless as you made me think?"

"Because I can love and I will still protect them even while I am gone."

"Very well, but this starts the moment the deal is made."

"I expect no different."

"Then your body for their protection."

"Uh, hold on. That is not all my terms. I will be getting that grace." I pointed to the vile on the table.

"Picky,"

"And my grace, of course."

"Fine," he was angry that I had control over him somewhat. "All deals end with a kiss, love."

"Let me see him get his grace." He rolled his eyes again but he grabbed the vile and popped us outside of the motel room. He opened the door slowly and opened the vile. The grace swam like water into the cold air and into the room. I watched from the window it travel to the sleeping man. I could see him inhale it and his eye started to glow as he sat up. That drew Sam's attention from his computer. His face healed instantly and he turned to look at me as a tear ran down my face and I let my head drop. He stood up and ran for the door when a hand on my shoulder brought me back to the office.

"There, your dove has his juice back."

"Let's do it." My voice cracked. He pulled me to his lips while he opened the other vile and I inhaled the grace. As I felt it set in a dark cloud swarmed above me. This was it, the thing I was most afraid of, right above me and I had no other choice. I closed my eyes and breathed her in. She swarmed my body and filled my lungs.