I don't own the Office or any of its characters.

Warning: mentions of sexual assault, assault and battery, physical and verbal abuse

Between packing, cleaning up our apartment, and finally getting lunch, it takes us another hour to actually drive out of Scranton. Jim and I decide that it's maybe not a great idea for us to actually go out to eat because of my black eye, so instead we just pick something up at a drive thru and head on out of town. Jim said that Michael responded more politely to his text than he ever has before, likely because he knows what a hard day we're having. He told us to take all the time we need and to let him know if we need anything from him.

He can be irritating, annoying, and selfish, but sometimes it's really great to have a friend like Michael Scott.

Mark gave Jim some new music yesterday at the volleyball game so we set up his iPod and settle in for the three hour drive. I really like driving long distances, but I know I'm way too exhausted from the long day we've had and Jim promised me he's okay, so he drives. We also get drinks from Starbucks with extra shots of espresso just in case.

I don't realize how frayed my nerves are until I actually get to sit quietly for a little while. My mind is racing as I try to process this completely overwhelming day, and from Jim's furrowed brow and the way he's tapping restlessly against the steering wheel I know he's probably feeling the same.

It's been over a year since I ended things with Roy once and for all. But having to watch the video again and telling Jim, the man I love, about all these awful things that Roy did to me, makes it feel like it happened yesterday. I know this is going to be better in the end because it's making me more open and vulnerable with Jim, but I'd thought I would have time to prepare myself for this. As it is I had no time to prepare myself emotionally for everything that's happened today thanks to revealing it to Jim completely by accident. Add to that watching the video for the first time, getting ready to go see my parents and talk to them about this, and remembering that awful worst memory, and I'm a wreck.

We've been driving for just under an hour when Jim takes my hand, stroking the back gently with his thumb, and I realize I'm crying openly. I heave in a shaky breath and shake my head. "I'm sorry," I choke out.

"It's okay," Jim replies sincerely with a squeeze to my hand. "This day has just been one painful reveal after another for you." I glance over and see him blinking rapidly. "I mean, I'm about to cry too so we might as well cry together."

The thought of Jim crying just makes me cry harder and I give up on trying to pull myself together. With Jim, I can be totally honest and open. I raise his hand and press my lips to the palm as I sob harder and he gently squeezes my chin.

It feels nice to just openly cry, and after a couple minutes I'm starting to feel better. I wipe roughly at my eyes, wincing as I press against the tender skin, and let out a wet laugh. "God, if we got pulled over right now…"

Jim laughs as he wipes his own eyes. "How would we even explain ourselves?"

"Umm…my cat died?"

Jim taps on the steering wheel. "You know what, I've got it. What about our coworker, Dwight K. Schrute, is in the hospital because he was preparing for a theoretical apocalyptic event and hurt himself burying the railroad car he bought as a bomb shelter?"

I burst out laughing and pat his hand. "That's perfect! I almost wish we'd get pulled over just to try it out."

"Whoa, don't curse us, Beesly," Jim chides jokingly.

We're quiet for a few minutes, both of us enjoying the new music from Mark. "I keep thinking about how I spoke to you your first day back after that week," Jim says softly. "I was such a jerk, and you had just had the worst week of your life…"

"Yeah, you were really mean," I have to agree honestly. "I think Dwight was the nicest he'd ever been to me that day, but you were awful."

I glance over to see Jim looking even sadder if possible. "Wow," he finally replies, "I kind of hate myself right now."

I shake my head. "You had no idea, Jim. Knowing what you did, I can totally understand why you acted the way you did. You were disappointed with me for getting back with Roy in the first place. You were angry at Roy for trying to hurt you and Karen. And from what you've told me about that time, you were trying to ignore me and focus on Karen. It makes sense. I think if you'd been paying attention you would have been suspicious that something was wrong. And I know that, if you'd known, you never would have said what you did."

He nods. "You're right, I wouldn't have, but I still shouldn't have said it the way I did. I should have trusted your judgment when you said it was really over between you two."

I shrug. "But my judgment wasn't good back then, and my getting back with Roy only proved that. You didn't know that something had happened that assured we were never getting back together."

He shakes his head. "Well, I still should have respected your decision. So I'm offering my formal apology."

He says the last sentence with a fake English accent and I grin, offering my own in return. "Well, thank you, kind sir, I gladly accept."

"But seriously," he continues, "I'm sorry about what I said that day and for…how I treated you."

"I know, baby," I reply softly. "Thank you."

He smiles gently at me. "You want to try and take a nap? You look really tired."

I scoff. "Thanks, charmer." But I still find myself bunching up his jacket and using it as a pillow as I lean against the window. "Wake me up if you start feeling sleepy."

"Will do, Sleeping Beauty."

Pam is fast asleep within five minutes, hard evidence of how exhausted she is because usually it takes her much longer. I have two hours just to think, which is nice after being loaded with new information the entire morning. I need time to process everything and some of that has to be done apart from Pam because some of the things I'm dealing with are things I don't know how to talk about with her.

I don't understand why she hadn't told me about this before. I get that she was scared and ashamed, but she knows how much I love her and she said she trusts me. Why hadn't she trusted me with this until now? I also get that she was trying to move past it and had no idea how to bring it up, but if she realized it had to be brought up eventually why not when we first started dating? Or even a few months ago? We've been very serious since the beginning, and we decided to move in together three months ago. Why wasn't then a good time?

I don't really want to actually ask her these questions because I know she's already having such a hard time dealing with this. I guess I just have to trust her judgment like I should have back when she said things were over between her and Roy. Whatever her reasons for keeping it from me, it's out now and the only thing we can do is work through it.

It's way too soon to do more than scratch the surface of how we're going to get through this, so it's also way too soon for me to stop blaming myself for never seeing this. Looking back it all makes so much sense and the signs seem glaringly obvious, but I guess, like Pam said, I wasn't looking for them. If anything I was in denial; I may have suspected something based on what a jerk Roy was but ultimately I wanted Pam to be safe and happy, so I convinced myself that she was.

How did she keep that from everyone at work for almost five years? I was her best friend so I blame myself the most, but no one suspected anything and we saw her almost every single day. Did none of the women ever walk in the bathroom when she was examining the bruises on her arms in the mirror? Did none of us ever notice that she flinches when someone yells? It just all seems so apparent now, and none of us ever knew.

I have so many questions to ask her parents too. I don't want to insult them since they'll probably be my in-laws someday, but seriously, what the hell? Their daughter dated this douchebag for years and they never suspected anything? Pam told me that things only started getting bad after she and Roy got engaged so I guess she lived farther away from her parents then, but they're her parents. Shouldn't they have been able to see that something was off? I don't want to flood them with guilt any more than I'm weighed down by it myself, but I just don't understand.

Nothing makes sense.

After about an hour I'm interrupted from my line of despondent thinking when Pam gives a funny little snort and wakes herself up. I can't help but burst out laughing and she squints angrily at me. "Why are you laughing at me?" she grumbles. "I'm barely even conscious."

I shake my head. "It's nothing, babe. Did you sleep?"

She nods and moves to rub her eyes, but I wince when she does. "Yeah, I really did. Thanks, that was nice." She stretches her arms above her head. "What were you thinking about?" She bats her eyelashes at me. It would have been more attractive if she wasn't still bleary eyed with sleep, but I still think she's adorable. "Probably about how beautiful I am, right?"

I roll my eyes and grin. "Not everything's about you, Pamela."

She scoffs. "Actually it is, Jim." Her brow furrows as she studies me. "Seriously, what's up? You look sad."

For just a moment I'm frustrated at how well she can read me. "Still just trying to wrap my mind around all of this. And angry that I never saw anything, and no one else did either."

"My parents will definitely bring that up too," Pam says. "They were really broken up that they'd never suspected anything, like I think you are. All I can say is that I hid everything from the people who were most important to me, and if the me then could look ahead to now she'd probably be proud that no one ever suspected anything."

My mouth turns down at the thought but I get where she's coming from. "I just need more time to process this, and no offense, but I don't think more talking is going to do anything but weigh my mind down further."

She nods. "I understand. How much further do we have, do you think?"

"About an hour," I reply. "Do you need to stop or you want to just keep going?"

"Let's just get there. I'm already sick of driving and I've slept through most of it." Her cell phone buzzes. "My mom's wondering what time we're going to arrive so she can put the pizzas in the oven."

"Tell her 5:30, it'll probably be a little sooner but we'll give ourselves some extra time just in case."

We're quiet for the rest of the drive as we listen to some soothing music. I'm holding her hand, stroking the back with my thumb, and she's humming softly to the music. We pull up in her parents' driveway at 5:15. I hold onto her hand as she moves to open the door.

"I just want you to know that I have questions for your parents, but I can ask them when you're not there. I mean, if it's too much, just say the word. I want to protect you from reliving this any more than you have to." I give her hand a squeeze to emphasize my point. "And also I love you even more than I did this morning, which I hadn't thought was possible."

She stares at me for a long moment and finally exhales harshly. "Jim, I had a very refreshing nap, but I'm still exhausted. It's been a very emotional day and you can't expect me not to cry again when you say that."

I can't help but laugh at her frustrated tone. "That's the last time I try to sweet talk you."

Frustrated, she brushes at her eyes and nods. "Well, good. I'm done with that too."

I grin. "I'll just save it for your mom. Maybe she'll make the cookies we had last time. I loved those."

She lets out a loud laugh and waves at her mom as she comes to stand on their porch and wait for us. "Well, that's definitely the way to her heart. Let me know if you two need a moment alone." She grimaces as the words leave her mouth and she seems to realize what she's said.

I'm laughing too as I climb out of the car and grab our bags out of the backseat. "That went downhill fast, weirdo. You're lucky I love you enough to tolerate that sort of freaky humor."

She shrugs, shaking her hips a little as she starts walking toward the house. "If you still love me after that, it's definitely gonna last."

I think of the ring I have hidden in my dresser drawer in our apartment and can't help but agree.

I kind of hate this chapter. Next up, conversations with Pam's parents!