Thank you again for all your lovely comments, they make my day. A small updates for you :)
"Caroline what's the matter is it John?" Gillian asked smoothing Caroline's hair from her eyes, "no yes... I don't know... I don't know anything anymore" Caroline sighed. Gillian held her tightly "come on let's get you inside". They sat the kitchen table hot cups in hands "come on tell me Caroline. You can talk to me about anything you know that" Gillian watched Caroline battle with whatever was bothering her and not wanting to voice it aloud.
"I think I'm falling for someone" Gillian's mouth open wide "what when, who?" As the words left her mouth comprehension spread over her face. Her hand reaching out to touch Caroline's hand "is it kate?" Her eyes met Caroline's watery blue eyes still as piercing as ever. Caroline looked up "what?, why? How did you know?" Her words stunted reserved as she watched a smile play on Gillian's lips.
"Come on Caroline" , Caroline shrugged her shoulders "what" her eyes dipping refusing to meet the woman's across the table. "Caroline I sort of had an inkling when we spoke the other day, I knew something other than John was on your mind and you were holding back. The way you speak about her, the way just her names makes your face light up, I thought maybe there was something more to it".
Caroline looked up "how would you feel if it was Kate?" The words freingtened her face appalled almost at her own revelation. Gillian squeezed her hand "well if it's what you want and she makes you happy what's the problem".
" what might people think of me" Caroline whispered, "nodoby will care Caroline and even if they did why the hell should that stop you being happy. So have you told her, how does she feel?" Caroline met her eyes "no I haven't.. I don't know. I don't know what I even feel really and if I feel something wether I could risk being vulnerable with someone else. I mean it would be hard enough if it was a man but Kates... Well Kate and I have to think about the boys, my mum and work. I'm scared I so want to take a leap of faith but at the same time I'm petrified, but the feelings are getting harder to ignore, I don't know what to do".
Caroline burst into sobs Gillian moving round to pull her into a hug "well you know what I'd do" she laughed and she heard a gurggled laugh from Caroline, "you'd just do it anyway". "Too bloody right I would life's crap 99% of the time, if something makes it bearable every day you have to grab it with both hands. I mean you are a free agent in theory so that makes it less complicated, first thing you need to do is have it out with John and chuck him out. If Kate's what you want then first you need to accept John and you have no future. Give yourself some head space to see how you feel before you confuse things with anything else, don't you think?.
Caroline nodded looking up at Gillian "how come you always have the answers?" Gillian laughed " I don't I just watch a lot of Jeremy Kyle" she laughed watching a smile spread across her sisters face.
Caroline stood up "right, your right", Gillian smiled "where are you going ...to song her face off" Caroline stopped looking a little horrified. "Nope, your going to help me pack up some of his things. So when he gets back tonight he doesn't need to come in".
Gillian nodded "Where is he? With her? " she asked gently, watching Caroline's saddened face nod at her ,"he told me he had a meeting thing but I know that's not true. I've just been unsure what to do until I knew how I really felt, and your right I can't know what I feel about Kate until I'm free of him.
Gillian stood up "right where are the bin bags?" she smirked I'm sorry it's come to this Caroline but, is it awful to say I'll quite enjoy help you bag up his stuff the lying bastard". Caroline smirked "I love you Gillian, I wish we had grown up together. I always hated being an only child it was so isolating".
Gillian smiled "I know but everything happens for a reason and we have each other now and nothing can take that away, so you could look at this positively. John being a philandering wanker has given you the balls to take hold of your life, and start living it for you.
Right well how do you feel about me staying tonight, I'll ring Raff get him to do the farm. Caroline nodded "are you sure?" "Yep, now I think one of these is in need" she laughed grabbing the bin bags and a bottle of red wine from the side board. "Ha ha... You are priceless you know that" Caroline laughed "so your not bothered by me liking a women like that?" Caroline asked tentatively.
"Why would I, it makes no difference, so tell me is she hot, I bet she is your taste in women has got to be better than in men" she laughed. "Oi" Caroline poked her as they headed up stairs, the bedroom door now shut the music blaring wine flowing and Caroline had to admit she felt freer than she had in years. Like a light had been switched on and she was finally no longer stumbling in the dark, but could see clearly what she wanted.
Caroline and Gillian were feeling the effects of the merlot and Caroline couldn't help but fall onto the bed in fits of laughter. She knew the boys would be out for another half an hour and she would need to speak to them, but for the moment she felt free. She held her stomach laughing at Gillian's dance moves "you could be on strictly" she giggled.
Caroline no and Gillian didn't see the bedroom door open "you look like your having fun, what are you doing. Hi Gillian" John smiled.
"Dont hi Gillian me" her voice angry he looked to both women confused "Whats hoping on Caroline?" The worry evident upon his face. "Nothing much I'm just packing your shit up, and you can take it back to hers, seeing as you've been there so much the last few months.
Caroline noticed Johns expression become serious "what are you talking about Caroline?" His voice soft deceiving. Caroline turned to Gillian "did he just ask me that?" Gillian remained quiet..."what's going on John is I havent been I love with you for a long time but I have done my best, been a good mother a good wife. Then I find that your shagging some tart behind my back, so you have set me Free I'm leaving you".
She threw a bin bag at him "off you go back to her then, your not wanted or needed here anymore" she shouted. "Caroline I um I haven't got a clue" she stepped forward her face turning red "Dont you dare lie to my face again, I've seen you with her I've spoken to your publishers when you have told me your away with work. I've seen your credit card bill, so don't you dare lie to me, your pathetic you couldn't even tell me. Well she is welcome to you because I'm done with you, so take your stuff and get the fuck out of my house" She thundered.
He looked to Gillian for support and found none, "this is my house too Caroline" he shouted back his voice cracking. "We will see what a court says then because there is no way they will throw the children out of the family home, and I wasn't the one who walked out on them" Caroline shouted in his face.
"Caroline it was a mistake I haven't walked out on you and the boys, it meant nothing" he spluttered "ENOUGH JOHN, I've had enough I'm done. Now get out!" She threw another bag at him he couldn't remember ever seeing her this angry...EVER.
"I'll give you some head space tonight and we can talk tomorrow" he suggested "no point I won't change my mind, so i suggest you go back to your bimbo you've made your bed and now you can lie in it". "What about the boys" he stuttered "the boys? You didn't care about them when you were lying to us all, betraying us all and me... I will speak to the boys. ..Now GO!.
He knew he couldn't win this battle tonight and took the two bags and slammed the front door behind him. Caroline collapsed on the bed "Are you Ok Caroline?", Caroline nodded there was a call up the stairs. Gillian looked at Caroline "who's that? The boys?" She asked the weak smile and a shake of the head from Caroline gave her an idea. Caroline knew who it was, as Kate poked her head in the door. "Sorry Caroline I just saw John outside I just wanted to check you were ok" she called pushing the door open.