Thank you all who are reading, I love reading your comments so here is the next installment, written on my phone so sorry if not my best :) xxx
Caroline sighed as she entered the front door, it had been such a bliss filled week she was happily exhausted. The boys took their bags and retired upstairs "mum that was the best holiday ever" lawerence shouted as he reached the landing, Caroline smiled "that's thanks to you Kate". Kate smiled letting their lips touch, as they reveled in the sweetness of the moment, Caroline stepped back slightly sensing someone in the room. "Mum"she squealed surprised as Celia appeared from the living room "what are you doing here?" she eyed her mother confused and rather bloody annoyed by her awful timings.
"I came to speak to you Caroline but I can see your busy". The coldness apparent in her voice as her eyes travelled from Kate to her daughter, "I was hoping you would have come to your senses so we could put this behind us Caroline. But it seems you've enjoyed your dirty week away with each other and worse subjected my grandsons to this sordid thing you've got yourself entangled in it's not right. You two together its not right, I cant see it, it's not who you are Caroline, you will see and by then you will have ruined everything. Your relationship with the boys, me, your reputation your career and for what some sordid revolting little mid life crisis".
Alan appeared from the living room "Celia... Enough, You said you wanted to try and sort things out how is this helping at all. Caroline is a grown woman and she knows what she wants, you said you love her and you'd support her no matter what. That obviously wasn't true, your not who I thought you were. Maybe I don't know you at all, for you to be so creul, she's your daughter you should love her no matter what.
I have seen Gillian through some awful times and some horrendous mistakes on her part... And I've often not agreed with and wanted to walk away... But I haven't not for one second because I love her. You and me are obviously very different Celia, I'm appalled at how you are behaving it's discraceful". Alan stepped passed Celia his face saddened by the truth of his words, "I'm sorry Caroline to have caused a scene, I'm sure you are all tired we wil go now". He kissed her cheek with a shy smile and turned to Celia "leave them now" he called to Celia who had opened her mouth to speak and shut it again and Followed him.
Both women now sat parallel in their living rooms the tears falling hard, Caroline knew her mother had always been hard. They had never had that share it all kind of relationship, the most they had was sharing differing opinions. It was like this house her mother had always told her it was too big, cost to much and she had disagreed with everything she had asked her view on. Even these sodding sofas were the wrong colour, wrong size not comfortable, she cringed at the memory, whatever she did was never good enough!
As she looked around the room admiring the work she had done, she couldn't help feel worse. Her mother had always been around but never what she would have called supportive, she was from an era that she supposed didnt hug and kiss all the time. That they lived their separate lives not really sharing the hardships and creating a perfect facade for everyone around them. She had never really had the experience of knowing someone else's experience until she met Gillian, her parents really did seem to love her unconditionally no matter what! from what she had heard and seen.
Alan wasn't even her father and yet she felt close to him comfortable he accept her for who she was, made her feel proud of her life everything she had accomplished. Her mother had only ever looked at what it lacked of what she hadn't achieved, she knew this was as much about how other people saw her as her mothers own disappointment. she had been brought up to care what other people thought, often too much to her own detriment, she had suffered in silence gone through the motions For years just like her mum. To please her mum, make her proud to make her happy but never succeeding other than creating the perfect outside image.
But in the last year so much had changed she had changed, she had known her and John had been over for a long time. But his infidenility had set her free, given her the chance to make a change, she knew people would think badly of her 46 and divorced and it was most probably a shock for many, as she was always so good at appearing like she had it all.
she had never meant to fall in love, she hadn't wanted that herself she would have been happy to live as a hermit for the rest of her days. But once you find it you can't let it go... Her mum knew that, she hadn't cared what people though when she married Alan months after meeting again. She had been selfish to be happy, so why didn't she understand she wanted the same with Kate, she had changed, Kate had changed her. Maybe it would have happened sooner with a man or woman, had things been different god knows all she knew was it was Kate now and always would be.
It was about time she was happy, did things for her and yet things never ran smoothly for her there was always a backlash. She wiped the tears from her face and watched as Kate finished lighting the fire.
Celia lay on her bed the tears much to her annoyance falling fast and hard, what had she done wrong why had everything turned out like this. Alan was packing a bag to her left of the bed, she watched as he packed in the last few items and zipped it, "I'm sorry Celia I love you, but you need to think ...what truly matters. Caroline needs your support and I can't condone the way your behaving, I'm going to Gillian's for a few days. He was gone! She rolled over her head pressed into the pillow, she had been so happy how could it all go wrong so quickly.
She wasn't in the wrong, she wasn't it wasn't natural two women together like that, it made her uncomfortable. It confused her how could Caroline have been married all that time and now be "gay". She had said it had always been there but if it had then why had she decided this time to let it out, did she not realize how it looked what people would say. She couldn't even pretend ... just watching them together was too painful, she didn't like Kate, Caroline was lonely impressionable now John had gone, Kate was taking advantage. Why could nobody see that and backing her up, it would only end in tears she only wanted what was best for Caroline. But no she was the bitch and now not only was Caroline's behavior affecting her grandsons and her, but now Alan had gone.
Finally the tears stopped and the anger crept in a little more venomous, sitting up and pulling her jumper on she made her way to Caroline's. She paused watching her grandsons comforting a weeping Caroline through the living room window, Kate on her knees running her hands through her hair. She stood frozen as she watched the scene unfold, Caroline looking up at her sons as they both sat next to her talking and making her smile, how Kate watched on in adoration.
Celia stood there for a long time the anger dissipating, until the boys kissed there mother and to her shock Kate hugging her before disappearing. She watched as Kate sat on the cream sofa next to Caroline shuffling the cushions to sit opposite her daughter. She watched as she took Caroline's face in her hands, the intimacy the love and tenderness there, she could see the smile that radiated from her daughter as Kate spoke. Celia watched as Caroline pulled Kate close for comfort seeking her touch and her reassurance, a bizarre feeling spreading through her body as she watched her daughter.
Only now could she see it... Being on the outside alone looking in at the perfect scene of happiness, what she had had with Alan what she had craved all her life. What she was now depriving Caroline of, she watched as her daughter snuggled into kate Kate wiping her tears away. They were alone there was no show, no flaunting it she saw only the love between them in private the way they looked at one another.
Celia slipped away unseen, had she been that bloody minded she had missed it? She was convinced it wasn't real it wasn't love. But in all her years she had never seen Caroline smile like that, never seen the boys look so settled. No she didn't understand it, but maybe she didn't need to... Maybe love was just love no matter who it fell upon.
God knows she hadn't really given it a chance before dismissing it, revolted against it but looking at it like that so innocently she couldn't help a sense of guilt creep over her.
Her daughter had always been bloody minded and had worked hard for everything, she never relied on anyone and had achieved whatever she set her mind on. But only now in this moment did she see it, she had spent her life alone she had never confided in her about anything of great importance. She had never had friends she had never seen any charisma or affection with her and john, not even in the early days it had been formal almost. Caroline had always done her best for the boys because she loved them and muddled on Unhappy.
Celia sighed in truth She had spent most of her life the same, she had always assumed that was why Caroline was the way she was, tough like her. She had spent half a century being lonely, she didn't want that for Caroline not really it just wasn't what she had imagined would be on the cards, but in reality how much did it matter.
Did it matter enough to loose Caroline, to loose her Grandsons to loose Alan, everybody else seemed to cope ok with it.
She sat in her chair burying her head in her hands, what have I done you stupid old fool, she berated herself. She felt someone watching her "Gillian?" She said looking up at her disheveled step daughter. She saw the cross expression across her face, her flushed cheeks her tense pose as if ready for battle, "Do you want to explain to me why my dad turned up at mine over an hour ago distraught" she said red faced.
"He doesn't need this stress with his condition, I thought better of you Celia Look at the pain your causing everyone" Gillian's voice raising emotions brimming ready to over spill. "I know" Celia moaned Inwardly at herself, "You can't behave like this, you can't treat people you love like this" Gillian continued, "hold on what?". Gillian stopped mid track "I've messed this all up Caroline, Alan and I don't know how to begin to fix it" Celia spoke her eyes sad and sincere as she looked up to meet Gillian's.
Celia watched as Gillian's face softened as she moved towards her and sat beside her, "well that's a start, you have kind of made a pigs ere of things, but when you've messed up as much as I have you learn it's never too late to fix things" She smiled. Celia returned the smile "will you help me, I need to fix this. All of this..." Gillian nodded moving closer to her. "I think I might have a plan to show them all, prove I'm sorry. That I was wrong about well it all, I just want everyone to be happy I really do" Celia said turning to Gillian.