I lay cuddled up to Sirius on the floor of the common room. He had his back to one of the sofas, legs outstretched in front of him and one arm curled across my back, fingers tickling my waist. I was on my side, head under his chin. Our feet were intertwined and toasty warm from the nearby fire.

After kissing by the window, he (being the utterly dramatic fool he is) carried me over to the sofa where he told me I looked beautiful and kissed me again. I mean, I think beautiful was a stretch considering I was in my pyjamas, wild haired and in desperate need of a shower, but needless to say, when he said it, I believed him. Somehow Sirius had ended up on top of me and we slid to the floor in a fit of muffled laughter, trying not to wake anyone. I had cozied up to him naturally and he held me close.

"How weird is it to think back to all those times we've fallen asleep here together," Sirius mused, moving his fingers to stroke the space of skin between where my hoodie had bunched up and my pj bottoms.
"You mean, those times when you didn't do your essays until the last minute and had to stay up all night until giving up?" I chuckled, tilting my head so I could kiss his jaw lightly.
"Well you hadn't done them either!"
"Shhhh… They were super boring." I smiled and closed my eyes, really comfortable.
"…Why didn't I realise before now?" He inquired wondrously aloud.
"Because you're an idiot…" I said sleepily, moving one hand to lie on his chest.
Sirius kissed the top of my head.
"Well what does that say about you then?" I felt his chest vibrate as he laughed softly.
"Many terrible things, I'm sure. Now shh. I'm sleeping."

I felt a hand run through my hair and I smiled with delight as my heart pattered away. As I drifted on the edge of sleep, replaying the past hour or so in my head, I abruptly remembered the reason I had come down to the common room anyway. The coldness seemed to seep into my skin. I suddenly clutched the front of Sirius's tshirt with my fist, crumpling the fabric between my fingers.
"Woah," I felt a zip of tension run through his spine, "You okay?"
"Yeah… I didn't mean to do that. Sorry." I chastised myself under my breath in my sleepy state.
"You okay…?"
"Um, yeah," I shrugged and tried to sound cool and calm, "I just… don't want you to be alarmed if I wake up screaming on you…"
"What?" Sirius sat up alertly, causing me to straighten up to stop from falling down his chest. Well, there goes my comfortable position. His eyes run over my face curiously.
"It's nothing, don't worry about it," I hush and put a hand on his shoulder to relax him.
"You're waking up screaming? Are you having nightmares?" He asked, in a practically demanding tone.
"No! Well, not really. Not when I take the sleeping potion…" Moving to tuck my legs underneath myself so I was kneeling by his side, I trailed off anxiously realising that his expression had flipped out. Sirius's mouth dropped open, his eyes wide. To say he was freaking out, well… it's Sirius- World's biggest drama queen.
"When- Since- What-?" He spluttered out, grabbing one of my hands. "Is this why you weren't in your dorm tonight?"
When I did nothing but stare at him, he fell back against the sofa and wiped his face with his free hand.
"I never asked. I was so wrapped up in my own issues that I never asked why you were also here…" Sirius said, mortified. His eyes stared into the fire so that I could see the flames flickering in his dark pupils.
"I didn't mind…" I prompted, but Sirius shook his head.
"No, no, that was really selfish of me. I'm so sorry. And you've been screamin-"

Something sprung into Sirius's mind because all of a sudden, his whole demeanour changed. His hand fell from mine as his face twisted from worry to shock.
"Oh…" He breathed out, aghast. His hands crumpled the fabric on his knees.
I sat by his side for a minute or two, wondering what the hell he could be thinking about.
"You gonna let me in on the secret or?" I clicked my tongue, getting irritated from over tiredness.
"I'm so sorry. It's all my fault," Sirius said, wincing as he looked back at me.
Confused, I wrinkle my nose, "What is? You can't control my nightmares."
"No… ah… I can't-" Sirius grimaced, his hands gesturing in front of him as if he had so much to say, but couldn't quite find the words.
"You're making no sense. Just as a heads up," Sarcastically, I tug my mouth to one side to cover up the nerves that had started prickling away in my chest.
"Come here," Sirius sat up straight and kneeled up, pulling me into his chest.

As I breathed in his outdoorsy and leathery scent, I curled up my hands and closed my eyes. He's just worried about me, that's it. He's got nothing to do with the incident. No matter what Snape says. He's not guilty.
"You're really starting to worry me," I admitted to him.
"I'm sorry."
"Yeah, I got that bit," I lashed out.
"…Sorry."

"Alright, cut it out," I tugged myself out his arms in a sudden flush of anger. Using the sofa for help, I got to my feet. "What's going on? Because I'm seriously fucking tired. And I could do without cryptic apologies right now, okay?"
Sirius seemed taken aback by my outburst, but covered it up as he also clambered to his feet.
"Well?" I pushed, folding my arms.
"Erin, come on…"
"No!" I snapped, forcing his outstretched hand away. I felt like the fear from my dreams was about to overflow. So now I'll take it out on Sirius as well as Lily, just because he couldn't give me a straight answer. Here's where I ruin the amazing night we've been having.
"Because Snape gives me some ambiguous threat about you guys making him suffer, and even though you've done absolutely nothing - you're now sorry because it's somehow your fault? Me putting two and two together, even in my over tired mind state, that makes me think that you put Snape in a fucking shack with a werewolf and tried to get him killed so he did the same to me!"

I gasped and my hands flew to my mouth. I did not mean to say that. I did not mean to mention the wolf. Fuck. I've fucked up big time.

Wait.

My fingers slowly fell from my mouth. Sirius's silver eyes were full of hurt, but he did not seem shocked in the slightest.

"Sirius," I said in a calculating voice that didn't belong to me. "I just told you that a werewolf attacked me. Normally that would provoke a bit more of a horrified response."

He did nothing but stare, wide eyed and unsure.

"And you just stand there. Like this isn't news to you at all."

Fuck. Fuck, Snape was right. For once in his god damn pathetic life. Snape was right.

All of my remaining energy flooded out of my bones. I had to sit down. Collapsing into the sofa, I let my head drop into my hands, my hair falling over my cheeks. A tiny part of me was hoping that Sirius would throw his arm around me and tell me it was all going to fine. But no warmth came.

After an age, I squeaked out what I feared, "Snape was right then. You tried to kill him."

"No."

When Sirius spoke, it was with such a growl that I had to lift my head to see. His arms were shaking slightly at his side and his jaw was clenched, that gleam in his eyes diminished.
"No," he repeated, "We didn't. It wasn't like that."

"Then what was it like, Sirius? 'Oh hey Snape, you know what'd be great. If you went to this place on a full moon. No worries, it'll be fine, just go and check it out!'" I had no idea where this cold blooded voice was coming from, but once I started, I found it hard to stop. Finding my courage again, I managed to stand as I continued, "Because that is fucked up."
I pointed a finger at his chest, coming off more aggressive than I ever intended, "You have no idea what happened to me. Even Snape doesn't deserve what I went through! I was so close to having my head sliced off, or a claw in my chest or- I don't know! If I had paused for a second, I'd be dead!"

"Then why did you need rescuing if you had it all together then?!" Sirius blurted out in a shout, forgetting that it was way past 3 am, throwing his arms out and glaring at me in such a manner than I was honestly frightened.

He must have seen how his explosion affected me, because his eyes softened and he stepped towards me with his hands outstretched.
"Erin… Oh god, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean- Erin-"

I backed away, resisting the urge to take those hands I've desired for so long and pull him to my chest. There was no room for the blissful, full feeling that I had for him earlier in the night. It was replaced now with mistrust. A friend who lied to me. And kept things from me.

Sirius stopped, seeing me bring my hands to my chest nervously, and let out a crushed sigh.

"How did you know?" I asked him coldly.
When he didn't reply, I pushed again, demanding to know.
"How did you know I was helped out?"
There is zero ways that Sirius could know about those strange animals.

"I- We…" Sirius fumbled around his words and wiped a hand through his hair, for once lost for words and without any of his casual front. I felt a pang as I realised he was wearing an expression very similar to when he told me about losing his brother earlier. And he's on the verge of losing me too.

Before he could find the right words to explain, a movement by the stairs made us both snap our heads in that direction. A tall boy with extremely messy black hair was rubbing his eyes as he stepped into the common room, donned in a maroon dressing gown.
James Potter surveyed us sleepily for a moment, glancing between the pair before snapping wide awake.
"What's going on? I came down because I swore I heard your voice shout out, mate. I thought maybe…" James trailed off as his eyes fully focused on me. "What's going on?" He asked again.

We were both silent. I couldn't even look at Sirius to find out if he was struggling to share with his best friend.

"Nothing," I said, with no hint of emotion.
"Sure looks like nothing," James replied, a hint of a smirk on his face. His worried hazel eyes ran over Sirius's on edge stature. "But it's half 3 in the morning and I honestly couldn't care less."

"James?" Another voice joined us and I felt like the pit of my stomach had fallen out. There was no way I was getting the truth out of Sirius with all his friends here.
Remus Lupin shuffled in, his mouth falling open slightly at the gathered company.
"You guys. What's going on? If this is some sort of prank-"

I sensed Sirius tense up nearby. Touched a nerve?
"You alright, Erin?" Lupin asked me kindly. It startled me for a moment that Lupin would address me directly out of anyone here, but then again he had been acting weirdly nice to me all week.
"Oh- uh- yeah."
He smiled at me apologetically, as if he was to blame for his outrageous friends.
"As a prefect, I'm gonna have to break up this little party, but seeing as it's you guys…"

"I'm done here anyway," I cut in, throwing a hand down in defeat.
"Erin-" Sirius surprised me by pleading my name.
I span and looked him in the eyes with a glare, "Don't you fucking talk to me. Unless you tell me the truth about how you knew I was helped out of that god damn shack, I have no interest in what you have to say. Got that?"
He stuttered in such a way that made my heart pound. He was so adorable, I wanted to tell him that it was fine, don't worry about it, kiss me – but I couldn't.
"You know what, I'll give you a chance to tell me right now or I'm going to bed," I decided, folding my arms and staring him down.

Weirdly enough, it wasn't me that Sirius turned to look at – it was James and Remus, as if he needed permission or a blessing. James had a strange guarded expression of his face, like he was trying to tell his friend was to do with his eyes. Remus, however, looked as if he'd been slapped across his face. Of course, they'd be in on this secret.
The silence that followed gave me my answer. I gave it another minute before swallowing and gathering my wits.
"I can't," finally came Sirius's reply.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw James and Remus visibly relax.
"Right well. We're done here," I declared, clenching my fists at my sides. I strode across the room, without even glancing in Sirius's direction. Tears pricked in my eyes. This was not how this night was supposed to end. Not when it had been going so well. He'll never kiss me again.

Remus flinched when I marched right by him. Trying not to care, I bit my lip as I heard James behind me running over to Sirius and urged, "Sit down, mate. You look awful. Are you alright? What-" But I fell out of earshot and was getting close to my dorm.

The dreamless sleep potion on my bedside table looked like heaven when I crawled back into my bed. Downing it in one, I hoped that even the memory of Sirius's lips on mine wouldn't be able to break through the potions magic.