A/N I originally wanted to make this a longer story that loosely followed the events of season six but couldn't quite get it right. So I put it on the back-burner and posted just the first part of it. But I didn't want to let the rest go to waste so I cleaned it up for you. It was a bitch but I think I got it right now. Enjoy

Juice didn't really start breathing again until he was back in the safety of his own house and far away from Jax. What the hell was wrong with this guy? And more to the point, what the hell was wrong with him? Why had he gone along with this shit? He should have said no and suffered the consequences. Or at the very least he should have insisted on a condom but he had been too terrified to do anything but taking it. And why had he actually enjoyed some of it? Was he suddenly into pain and humiliation? Or had this been just a physical reaction? After all, Jax had pounded his ass like crazy, it was pretty much expected he would hit his prostate in the process. Juice shook his head. It all felt unreal and had come completely out of nowhere. Jax might have been shaken up by Opie's death – and who could really blame him? – but Juice never would have expected him to do something like that. He hadn't even known that Jax was into guys.

He stripped of his clothes and went for a long shower, hoping it might make him feel clean again. It was weird that he felt more used and despoiled now than when Jax had made him betray Clay, a dear friend at the time. Ridiculous even! It was just a fuck and Juice had taken it up the ass before. Hell, there had been times when he would have gladly bent over for Jax if the guy had asked nicely. Of course, he hadn't expected to be actually forced to do so at metaphorical gunpoint. And it really confused Juice that the older man had switched between a quick, brutal fuck and genuine tenderness on a whim. Was this just a show of dominance or did Jax actually like him in a weird way? Not that he hoped for a relationship with him – Jax was clearly off the deep end at the moment – but it was certainly better than him being a sadistic, manipulative rapist who just wanted to fuck with his head.

Up to now his return to Charming hadn't been a great success. Chibs was still pissed at him and Jax apparently saw him as his bitch – in every sense of the word. Juice thought he really should consider leaving again but the situation hadn't changed. He still only had the club and if he lost Jax's patronage, his betrayal would hit the table. Juice knew he was as good as dead should that happen and he would do everything to get out of this mess. He wished he could be certain that there actually was a future in which he would be a real member again, not just the toy of the troubled Jax. It would make the pill easier to swallow. But no matter the taste he would have to force it down. At least until there was another option. Maybe the fucking would stop when Tara was back from jail. Jax didn't like to cheat on his old lady, after all.

Jax had every intention not to fuck Juice again when he woke up the next morning. His main reason was that he was now certain that he had the control over Juice he needed but there also was a faint feeling of guilt lingering on the edges of his consciousness. Jax wasn't used to this emotion anymore. He still regretted not finding a way to save Ope but everything he had done after this fateful day was perfectly fine with him. So why did he grow soft now? Was it the fucking? Was fucking someone more or less against his will – Jax hadn't held Juice down so the Puerto Rican had at least somewhat of a choice – worse than brutally murdering someone? Jax didn't think so and he didn't lose any sleep over the murders he had committed. Maybe it was because it was Juice. The guy was a brother after all and Jax had liked him for quite some time. Yeah, this was probably it. Nostalgia, the most useless emotion of all.

The moral implications aside, Tara would be home soon and Jax would likely be busy fixing his relationship with her. Not that he knew what exactly the problem was but he had to try at least. And he still took his wedding vows somewhat seriously, seriously enough not to fuck Juice when his wife was waiting at home. He wondered how the Puerto Rican was taking the events of last night. Would he make a run for it? Nah, Jax had executed it perfectly. Juice knew he had nowhere to go. And hadn't he liked it at least somewhat? Probably would come back for more now he had been properly fucked for once. Of course, there was also the possibility that he would snap under the pressure and do something really fucking stupid. Jax would have to be careful.

When he arrived at the garage he found Juice there, happily working away at a car. The guy seemed in as good a mood as always, despite moving somewhat stiffly. Apparently, Jax had been right about him accepting his new role. Juice gave him a nod as he passed and Jax couldn't contain the filthy grin that spread on his face. He really had the kid in his palm. And damn if that didn't feel good.

He saw Chibs watching them for afar and went over to him. "Morning, Chibs."

"I need to talk to you," the Scot said immediately.

"Alright, what about?" Jax asked, a bit surprised by this.

"Juice."

"I am not letting you beat him up, Chibs. Stop asking."

"Are you raping him?"

"What?" Jax tried to put as much outrage in his voice as possible. From where he stood, the result sounded pretty convincing. "Why would you even think that?"

"Because he was walking funny exactly one day after you told me you would handle him."

"And the most logical explanation you could find was that I was secretly a gay rapist? When I am not even into dick?"

"Oh please, Jackie, do you think I didn't notice how you looked at Opie? I don't know if you guys fucked but I am pretty certain you would have liked to."

This time, Jax didn't have to fake anything. The anger in his voice was completely genuine. "Don't you dare talk about Opie! Back the fuck off, Chibs!"

"Only if you tell me what the hell you are doing with Juice."

"I fuck him," Jax snarled. "Happy now? I am showing him his place and getting laid at the same time. Like I told you, I am handling it."

"But he wants to? You are not forcing him."

Jax gave him a smile. "I have to admit; we had a bit of a rocky start. But he warmed to the idea pretty quickly."

"Jesus Christ, Jackie, what is wrong with you?"

"At the moment? My hypocritical VP who is suddenly worrying about a guy he wanted dead yesterday. I told you once and I will tell you again, Chibs: Back the fuck off! I will not let you ruin this thing with Juice. And if it helps you sleep at night: He was hard as a rock when I plowed him yesterday. So get off your high horse and back to work."

Chibs shook his head. "You need help, Jackie. Opie's death screwed you up."

"Maybe you are right," Jax said smoothly. "But first I have to handle the Irish. And Tara. And Clay before he can rat us all out. Oh, and I have to find new members before we run out of bodies. Maybe then we can have a cry together and talk about how much I miss Opie. But until then I need you to keep your mouth shut and let me do my work. Unless you want to run the show. I am sure the President patch would suite you."

That was a bluff. Jax wouldn't give up the Gavel. Not right now, when everything was in the balance. But Chibs would never want this kind of responsibility, especially not in such a delicate situation. And Jax guessed that the Scot was secretly afraid of having to deal with Juice himself.

"Keep it," Chibs said, proving Jax right. "I have to be honest here, Jax: What you are doing sounds completely fucked up, even if Juice wants it. But I won't tell anyone. The club can't handle this shit right now. But I will keep an eye on the two of you."

Aw, how cute. Chibs was worrying about his precious Juice. The guy really was way too soft for his own good. Or maybe he wanted a piece of that ass for himself? Well, in that case he was shit out of luck, because Jax didn't share. "Thanks, brother. Trust me, I'm doing this for the best of the club."

Chibs seemed to doubt that but walked away and didn't contradict him. Jax wasn't too worried about being caught by Chibs. The guy would keep his mouth shut. He didn't have the guts to make a grab for the Gavel and for everything else the fact that he had fucked Juice was useless. And Chibs would not destabilize the club further in this already precarious situation or rat him out to Tara. Nothing to be worried about then. He put the VP out of his mind and went on with his day, still in good spirits.

His good mood abruptly ended when he met Tara again. He didn't know what the problem was but somehow it just didn't work out between them anymore. Everything felt strained and awkward, which really shouldn't happen if you were married and had children together. When he made love to her this evening it felt so strained and wrong he had trouble coming. When he finally did, he thought of Juice, and this fact was one of the reasons he lay awake most of the night.

The next day he grew so tired of Tara's antics that he forgot his good intentions, went to Juice's place after work and fucked the Puerto Rican hard in his own bed. Juice meekly bowed to his every request and didn't even protest when Jax again skipped the rubber. When he got back on his Harley afterwards Jax felt a lot better already.

It quickly became a regular event. Jax would use Juice for his dirty work in the club and fuck the guy whenever he felt the need to. At first it was only when Tara got especially troublesome but soon Jax found himself banging Juice through the mattress regardless how things were with his wife.

It was just too tempting. Juice would give him exactly what he wanted without any questions and the rush of power Jax felt every time he bent the younger man over a table was as exquisite as it had been the first time. And he was certain now that Juice was into the whole submission thing and at least somewhat enjoyed their sessions together. From time to time he gave him some tenderness – a quick lick here, a smooth stroke there – to reward him for his obedience. Sometimes he felt a pang of guilt – both from cheating on Tara and forcing Juice into this position – but every time he shoved it aside. This was the right thing to do! He needed at least one relationship he controlled and it was a good way to make sure Juice stayed in line. And he could always stop once things between him and Tara had gotten better.

Then Lowen told him the truth about Tara's pregnancy and the bottom dropped out of his world. How could Tara do something like that to him? Didn't she love him? It was so unexpected! He knew that she had wanted out of Charming before but she hadn't brought the topic up for some time, apparently because she had already decided to act without his approval. He would like to go home and smack her around until she learned her fucking place – and maybe take her out because this was the logical answer to such a betrayal – but for once his newfound ruthlessness failed him. He couldn't do it! He couldn't harm the love of his life and mother of his children.

Once he had realized that, the rage disappeared quickly and was replaced by a sadness he hadn't felt since Opie's death. He could barely finish the rest of his duties this day and once he was alone his thoughts started circling. Why had this happened? Where had he gone wrong? Why couldn't things just work out for once? With Opie gone and Tara no longer on his side he felt more alone than ever before. And for once he couldn't deal with it. He needed someone to talk to, someone to assure him he wasn't a horrible, unlovable monster. Before he knew it he was on his Harley and on his way to Juice's place.

It was long after midnight but the Puerto Rican answered after some persistent knocking. "Who's there?" he asked through the closed door.

"It's me," Jax said. "Open up."

Juice did almost immediately. He was only wearing his boxers but had a gun in his hand. Apparently he hadn't expected a friendly visit. "What do you want?"

Jax quickly pushed inside and closed the door behind him. "What do you think?"

He bent down and kissed Juice. Not hard and dominant like usual but softer, sweeter. Exactly like he had kissed Tara these countless times. Juice gasped but then responded just as carefully. When they parted for air Juice looked at him in surprise. "What's going on, Jax?"

Jax felt tears welling up in his eyes but managed to stop himself from crying. His mind was screaming at him not to show weakness in front of Juice but for once he didn't have the heart to listen to it. "It's Tara. She is divorcing me and plans to take the boys with her. She was never pregnant. Lowen just spilled the beans to me."

"Jesus," Juice said, "is there anything I can do?"

"Do you want me, Juice?" Jax asked. He probably sounded desperate but he did not care. "For real, I mean. Not because you want to buy your way back in."

Juice just stepped closer and gave him a kiss – the very first one that hadn't been initiated by Jax. One of Juice's hands palmed Jax's dick through his pants. "Yeah, Jax," he breathed into his ear after he broke the kiss. "I want you."

Jax had never been so grateful to hear these words in his life. "How do you want me?"

"On my bed. On top of me. Fucking me slowly."

"I can do that," Jax said hoarsely and pulled his cut off. Juice steered him towards the bedroom – not that Jax needed the directions, he had been here often enough – and helped him out of his clothes at the same time. By the time they reached the bed, Jax was down to his boxers as well. Juice pushed his own underwear down – Jax was pleased to see that his dick was rock hard – and lay down on the bed.

"Lube is in the drawer," Juice said. "Grab it, lose the boxers and get down here!"

Part of Jax bristled at being ordered around like that but mostly he was just happy that Juice wanted him. He stepped out of his boxers, grabbed the lube out of the drawer and got on top of the Puerto Rican. As usual, Juice prepared himself but this time Jax was keeping him busy with countless licks, kisses and caresses. He seriously considered blowing Juice but wasn't sure if he wanted to give up that much control just yet. Before he could make up his mind, Juice withdrew his fingers from his hole and looked at Jax expectantly. "All ready for you."

Jax quickly snatched the bottle and started to lube himself up. Then he realized that he had forgotten something. "Do you want me to use a rubber?"

Juice smiled at him. "Nah, I've gotten used to it by now. Just be gentle, okay?"

He could do that. He lined up and slowly pushed himself into the smaller man. It was as tight as he imagined but the dynamic between them was completely different. The rush of power was gone but it had been replaced by an intimacy Jax hadn't felt before with Juice. And it was this that he needed at the moment, not the harsh pleasure of total control. Juice signaled him to start moving and he did, though much more carefully than usual. They quickly found a good pace and both went all-out on each other, nicking and kissing and licking everything that came into reach. Jax found he really liked it that way and judging form his moans and rock-hard cock, Juice was enjoying himself as well. When Jax found his orgasm approaching – not nearly as quickly this time and he really didn't want to think about that too much – he wrapped a hand around Juice's cock and started stroking him. With this extra help, Juice came in no time and Jax followed quickly, again spilling himself deep inside the Puerto Rican. Panting, he pulled out and flopped to his back next to Juice, who seemed to be a bit dazed.

Jax used the chance to put an arm around him. "You okay there?"

"Yeah, it was just a bit...overwhelming," Juice said.

Usually Jax would tease the fuck out of him for that but he wasn't really in a joking mood. "Hey, can I crash here tonight?"

Juice looked at him. "Do you mean in this house or in this bed?"

"Right here," Jax said. "Next to you."

"Err, sure I guess."

Jax eagerly curled up next to him. He pushed aside the many reasons why this was a bad idea and just focused on the soft warmth of Juice next to him. He would think about the future in the morning.

When Juice woke up the next morning, he was very confused by the whiskers pressing against his neck. He twisted around and saw Jax cuddled into him, still sleeping like a baby. Everything came crashing back to him then. Jesus, what a confusing mess he had made! Was it a good thing that he had slept with Jax or was he out of his mind to let such an unstable guy plow him? And how would Jax react now that he had some time to calm down? Would he be grateful for Juice's help or would he just take it for granted? Juice had no answers and guessed he would have to wait with his analysis until Jax was awake.

He carefully slipped out of Jax's grasp and stood up. He would take a shower and maybe get some breakfast going before Jax woke up. Maybe he should fix something up for the guy to make a good impression. While he showered, he thought about the new situation. It was hard to believe that Tara had backstabbed Jax like that. They had always seemed so right for each other. Juice could only imagine how hard such a betrayal hurt. He wondered what Jax would do with her now. If it had been anybody else, he likely would have killed the guy already, but icing Tara would be ruthless even for him. He was probably a tangled mess of conflicting emotions right now and Juice did not envy him at the least.

But he had some issues on his own, hadn't he? Part of him resented Jax for treating him so badly and was angry at himself for actually fucking Jax voluntarily last night. But at the same time a bigger part wanted Jax badly – the guy was just so disgustingly hot – and was glad somebody gave him some affection. Juice knew it was foolish but he couldn't stop himself from hoping for a real relationship – as pathetic as that might sound. But how could a relationship born from hatred and coercion even work? When he found that he couldn't expect any clear answers from his heart, Juice tried to analyze the situation as coldly as possible. When viewed detached from emotion, he actions last night might have been just the thing to do. Jax would likely be grateful for the comfort and with Jax on his side he was safe in the club. As long as he gave Jax the affection Tara denied him, the President would likely stay on his side. And Juice probably would even like it. Yeah, this sounded like a good idea. He would do that and see what happened.

He slipped out of the shower, toweled himself off and put some clothes on. He made some coffee and then went back up to check on Jax. He had the vague idea of waking the President up with a blowjob but Jax was already getting out of bed.

"Morning," the completely naked Jax said to him. It was hard for Juice to read his mood.

"Morning," he said. "There is coffee downstairs, if you want some."

Being so close to Jax's dick was distracting. Juice couldn't help thinking about grabbing it, peeling the foreskin back and swallowing it whole. Damn, maybe last night had messed with his head.

"Thanks," Jax said. "Can I use your shower? I am not sure what waits for me at home."

"Err, sure."

"Thanks, Juice. We'll talk once I'm finished."

Juice doubted that this talk would be one to look forward to but there was no point in getting worked up now. He made good use of the time Jax needed to clean himself up to finish breakfast. Just to be sure he made seem for Jax as well, though he wasn't sure if the President planned on staying. Better to be safe than sorry. Maybe he should have paid more attention to Jax morning after routine over the years. Perhaps he wouldn't feel so out of his element then. But maybe this was an unrealistic expectation. Their relationship certainly wasn't like Jax's usual hookups.

Jax came down from the bathroom, now fully dressed and sat down at the kitchen table. Juice quickly passed him a cup of coffee. "I wasn't sure what you usually eat for breakfast so..."

"Sit down, Juice," Jax said quietly.

Juice put down his cup and did. This whole setup reminded him of the time he had come over to Jax's house to confess – not a happy association to make. After a moment of silence, Jax spoke. "I wanted to apologize to you. I shouldn't have forced you to have sex with me when Tara was in jail. I don't know what I have been thinking. I would like to blame the stress or Opie's death but none of it makes it okay."

"Jax," Juice began but Jax continued speaking.

"But despite all the things I did to you, you still took care of me yesterday when you would have every right to kick me out of the house. Hell, I'm lucky you didn't slit my throat while I was out. I can't tell you how grateful I am for that, Juice. Tara backstabbing me was a horrible blow, I don't know what I would have done without you. I know it won't make it okay, but I apologize for everything."

Juice didn't really know what to say. Jax's transformation back from full-blown psychopath to his gentler older self couldn't have been more sudden. He could even see tears in Jax's eyes. "It's okay, Jax. Our first night together wasn't what I had hoped for but I've wanted you for a long time. And I can't say I was innocent in the whole situation. After what happened to Miles, I probably deserve everything you did to me and more. Fucking you was the least of it."

"Yeah, about that. For me your debt is paid in full now. No more secret work from me for you. If I need something done, I will just handle it myself in the future. And no more fucking, unless you want it. I will make sure Miles's death will not hit the table and in time the others will come around as well. Everything will be as it was."

It was Juice's turn to be overwhelmed with gratitude. He jumped up and embraced Jax tightly. "Oh god, thanks, Jax. Thank you so much!"

"You earned this," Jax whispered to his ear. Juice became slowly aware that he was basically straddling the guy and soon enough he felt Jax's hard dick against his ass.

He pulled back and smiled. "Guess Little Jax is awake as well. Want me to take care of him?"

"You don't have to do this."

"I know but I want to."

"Damn, Juice," Jax said. "I don't deserve you."

"Damn right you don't," Juice said, giving him a sly wink. "Anything else to discuss before I sent you off with a killer blowjob?"

"I guess you want to know how things will go on from here. I wish, I could tell you but I can't really say how things with Tara will play out at the moment, so…"

"It's okay," Juice said and meant it. He completely understood that Jax felt attached to Tara despite the things she had done. He wanted Jax and if the guy was available for something serious, Juice would be delighted. If not, he would just have to make do with what they had had. "Do you think you will stay married to her?"

"At the moment I am just glad I didn't bash her fucking head in," Jax said with a growl. "I will get over there after breakfast and see what I am at."

Juice nuzzled his neck. "Just be careful. I wouldn't want the crazy bitch to shoot you."

Jax grinned at him. "If she does, you will be the least of her problems. Gemma would probably skin her alive. But whatever happens between Tara and me, I will still be there for you. If you want me in your bed, I will come and if Tara doesn't like it, she can go fuck herself. Just don't expect me to bottom for you anytime soon."

"I wouldn't want that anyway."

"Good. So how about that blowjob?"

Juice grinned at him and went to work.

Juice's good mood took a serious hit when he watched Jax killing Clay. He had known that it was coming, of course, but the savage glee on Jax's face when he pulled the trigger disturbed him. After their night together, he had hoped that Jax wasn't the ice-cold killer he had made him out to be who had been so twisted and shaken by Opie's death that he would do anything to get what he wanted. This illusion had been quite comforting but was now brutally shattered. Sure, Clay had done some terrible things but he was the guy's god-damned stepfather and had been a good leader for decades. Seeing Jax not only killing the guy but fucking relishing it made Juice really uncomfortable. He too had killed a club member, after all. Sure, Jax had officially pardoned him but who knew how long he could stay in his good graces? If Jax had no problem icing Clay, he certainly wouldn't hesitate to get rid Juice just because they fucked a few times.

Then there was Tara, still around after all the shit she had done. Juice didn't like that at all. Watching her and Jax drift closer again made him nervous. As long as they were at odds, Juice could give Jax the affection Tara was denying him. If they somehow worked it out again, would that endanger his position in the club? Jax had told him they were good but Juice didn't trust the peace yet. Or maybe he was just jealous. After all, he was kinda the other woman in this set-up.

He was jolted out of his thoughts when he heard someone coming up to him. He expected Jax, maybe wanting a quick fuck, and put on a smile. The grin quickly faded when he recognized Chibs.

"I need to talk to you," the Scot said.

"There is nothing to talk about," Juice replied brusquely. He hadn't forgotten the less then warm welcome Chibs had given him.

"I think there is," Chibs said softly. "It's about you and Jax."

Shit, how the fuck did he know? "I don't know what you are talking about."

"Cut the crap, Juicy. I confronted Jax and he told me."

Horror spread through Juice's mind. "Does anyone else know?"

"No and I won't tell anyone. Out of respect for the two of you."

Juice very much doubted that Chibs had any respect left for him but was grateful nevertheless. He didn't want the club to know that Jax had more or less raped him into line. It would serious hurt Jax's reputation and screw up Juice's return into the club. The Puerto Rican was absolutely certain his brothers wouldn't respect him anymore, if they knew the truth. Perhaps they would even think his ass was free-for-all. The very though made his skin crawl even if he was positive that Jax wouldn't let this happen. "Thanks. But how is it your business?"

"Jax told me the same thing. But I can't just sit by and watch him raping you. I can't stop Jax but I can help you get out of here if you want."

"Really, Chibs? Now you suddenly care again? I find that hard to believe after you did you very best to get me killed. What, are you jealous that Jax gets to fuck me?"

Chibs glared at him. "Nobody deserves to be treated like that. Not even a dirty coward like you. And I never tried to get you killed."

"Bullshit! Or what did you think would happen if Mile's death had hit the table? That I would get a slap on the wrist and everything would be fine afterwards? I would have met Mister Mayhem before the fucking sun was down!"

"I would have voted to safe you," Chibs said and he sounded actually sincere. "You might have lost the patch but I wouldn't have let them kill you."

"Somehow I doubt that," Juice said bitterly. "Must be the whole trying-to-beat-me-to-pieces thing. But it wouldn't matter anyway. Without the club, I am nothing."

"I am here to help, Juice. Say the word and I'll get you out of Charming before nightfall. I will make something up for Jackie. I just can't stand the thought of him doing that to you!"

Juice laughed. "You really don't get it, do you, Chibs? I want it. I want Jax on top of me, slamming into my ass like it is our last night on earth. Maye not at the start but now Jax is not forcing me anymore. You might even say that we are together in some way."

It was Chibs' turn to laugh and this might have been the most soul-shattering sound Juice had ever heard. "And you actually believe that? Open your eyes, Juicy! At this very moment your lover is trying to piece things together with his wife! I don't doubt that Jackie had his fun with you while Tara was away but that is all there is. He doesn't love you! And he will get rid of you the moment you become a problem."

"Shut up! You have no fucking idea how things are between us!"

"Just keep telling yourself that. I guess it fits that you would whore yourself out to save your sorry skin. Just don't get used to it, Jax will drop you sooner than you would think. And then I won't lift a finger to save you."

Juice tried to say something but for once words failed him. Chibs just shook his head in disgust and turned away, leaving him in his misery. His words echoed in Juice's head. He tried not to let them get to him but that was easier said than done. Was Chibs right? Would Jax drop him like a hot potato when he was done with him? No, he had been so grateful the other day, he wouldn't do such a thing, would he? Didn't Tara prove that Jax still had some mercy in him? And Juice's betrayal might have been more severe but also less personal than hers had been. But then there was Clay and the fucking glee with that Jax had ended him. Juice couldn't stop imagining himself at Clay's place, gunned down by a guy who had once meant so much to him.

Then there was Chibs' pure disgust for him. Would this be his future? Still a member of SAMCRO but despised by everyone but Jax? Chibs claimed he hadn't told anyone but secrets like this probably didn't stay buried for long. Not when they would be such excellent ammunition in any leadership dispute with Jax. And once the rumor was out there nothing Jax or Juice would say would stop the whispering. When he thought about it this way, Jax might have a reason to bury him soon, just to hide what had happened between them, especially if he was trying to mend fences with Tara – finding out that you hubby had screwed another guy probably wasn't very endearing. This thought was fucking terrifying. He needed to find Jax! They need to talk!

However, it turned out that Jax was busy with Tara – as if it could be anyone else. Not wanting to disturb them, Juice talked with Bobby, officially about Clay but between the lines it was all about himself. He wondered if Bobby would vote for him to meet Mister Mayhem if push came to shove. The answer was likely yes, which didn't help his troubled mind. It was all becoming too much. The stress combined with his guilt over Clay and his role as Jax's assassin made him feel like he was drowning. He needed some relief! He needed Jax but the guy was busy with his fucking psycho wife who would probably hate him if she knew the truth. Desperate for at least some kindness, he took Bobby's advice and went to Diosa, popping Oxy like it was candy. He knew in the back of his head that he was likely taking too much but didn't care as long as that horrible feeling stopped.

The next day, Juice watched Jax say goodbye to the club. He couldn't understand for a minute why he would make such an enormous sacrifice for a bitch like Tara – Juice took her attempt to flatten him with her car rather personally – but he knew there was no point in arguing with the President. Maybe Jax was feeling the weight of his sins and was looking for redemption. Juice knew the feeling only he had tried to fix it with enough morphine to put down an elephant. This had nearly killed him but compared to twenty years in prison it still seemed like the better way to deal with your problems.

Losing Jax for decades hurt more than Juice would have ever imagined, despite the dark beginning of their relationship. Despite being back in the club, he felt alone again. "I will miss you, brother," he said and embraced Jax. There was probably much more to be said but he had no idea how to do that.

Jax gave him a soft kiss to the ear and Juice felt his affection rise again. If only they had time for a proper good-bye. He would give the guy a night to remember. Then Jax spoke and Juice's romance-addled thoughts were blown away. "You betrayed me!"

Juice pulled back and saw that the affection was gone from Jax's face. He saw the hard face of the man who had bent him over the couch and fucked him without mercy. The man who ruthlessly eliminated anyone who threatened him and whose machinations had brought down powerful foes like Pope, Galen and Clay. Juice tried to say something, anything that might make it better but he couldn't think of anything to say. The expression on Jax's face was final. This was it. End of the line. It didn't matter if it had been an accident. Spilling the beans to Nero had been his last mistake. Juice tried to bring up the courage to fight but found that he didn't have the strength for it anymore. It might even be a relief after all the time. So he just turned around and left, trying not to look at the man who had just condemned him.