A/N: Season 7 starts here. Beware of spoilers

In retrospective Jax thought it was a blessing that he had been arrested after Tara's murder. There was too much waiting for him outside. In here, things were much simpler. Eat, work out, sleep, stay out of trouble and do some foraging for a possible alliance with the Aryan Brotherhood – that was it. And lots of time to do some thinking – which he had quite a lot to do of. Of course, the thing most often on his mind was Tara. Her death had been brutal. He remembered all the good times together and felt his heart clench every time he thought of the family they had been. What kept him sane in these moments was the promise of vengeance. And vengeance would be had! Lin would regret the day he had ordered the hit! Jax would make him pay and it would happen soon!

But there was one very disturbing thing that kept wandering into his head in quiet moments: It was the thought that he had been lucky. Some part of him couldn't help feeling that the murder had stopped him from doing something extremely stupid. Giving himself up to protect his family had seemed like the right thing at the time but now he had the gnawing suspicion that Tara had played him. What had happened to her wasn't his fault! She had come back to him! She had stayed with him for all this time! And the second she had to make a personal sacrifice she wanted out and blamed him? Ridiculous! A lot of things seemed harsher to him in hindsight: Her making Kohn his problem, the holier-than-thou attitude she sported while helping him with his criminal career, her planning to abort Thomas and of course her idiotic plan to take his children away from him. If she had been anyone else he would have smashed her goddamn head in for that. Instead he had given her chance after chance and she had used this mercy to manipulate him further. Now that his emotions had settled down he felt like a fool who had almost lost everything for the greatest lie ever told – love.

And apparently it hadn't been enough losing one lover at the time: Juice was gone. He had betrayed him, just like Tara had betrayed him. The disrespect was staggering. What the hell had Juice been thinking? Was this his way of paying Jax back for using him? That ungrateful bastard! He had given him so much! Safety, a new start maybe even some twisted form of love. And once again it had blown up in his face!

What bothered him that he hadn't see this betrayal coming and that he still couldn't think of a reason why Juice would backstab him like that. Juice's position had been excellent, why had he thrown all this away? Was is the fucking? Had Jax's analysis been wrong and the Puerto Rican had actually resented him for bending him over without really asking? But Juice had voluntarily slept with him afterwards, even when Jax had made it clear that he could refuse. Hell, he had thought that the guy might even be in love with him. Had Juice been play-acting all this time? If yes, he was a lot shrewder than Jax had ever given him credit for.

But why would he rat him out to Nero? The guy was little more than a glorified pimp and could do little to actually hurt Jax. If Juice had been out for revenge, he should have brought the issue to the table. Just mentioning what Jax had done to him could have been devastating. Jax's authority would be gone and even if he told them the truth about Juice's sins, he would likely lose his power – if not his patch – if Juice spun the story correctly. He would get his comeuppance as well but he would have dragged Jax down with him. But he hadn't done that. Instead he had chosen to betray Jax in a way that didn't hurt the President much but put himself in a very awkward position. Weird. Maybe he would ask Juice about it before he killed him.

Juice's thoughts had run in circles for more than a week and he still wasn't any closer to a solution. He had lost everything. His patch was as good as gone, his life forfeit and – maybe worst of all – he had lost Jax just because he had been too stupid to keep track of the Oxy he took. It couldn't end like this! There had to be a way out of this mess! He couldn't give up the club, he couldn't give up Jax for such a stupid mistake! Maybe he could just talk to the guy, explain what had happened, apologize and maybe seal the deal off with a blowjob. This should do it, right? It was just a mistake, after all, he hadn't meant to cause any trouble. But Juice had the strong suspicion that he was deluding himself. Jax likely wouldn't even let him say a word before he popped two bullets in his head. And who could really blame him? He had given Juice chance after chance and again and again Juice had proven that he was nothing but a rat. Jax likely felt betrayed and Juice knew from experience that he took this very badly. And this time Juice had nothing to offer him – well, other than his ass but he doubted that was enough for Jax.

The horrible feeling of having lost everything paralyzed him and made it hard to do anything but the most basic tasks. He had kept himself busy by cleaning up Wendy's apartment and watching a lot of TV but neither had brought him any closer to a real solution. At least he had Gemma helping him, even if he couldn't tell her the reason for his falling out with Jax – and what they had shared before that. What he had done to win Gemma's favor still haunted him – even if some part of him was glad he could finally pay Eli back for the pain he had caused him – and not telling Jax the truth about the murder felt wrong. Juice knew that coming clean likely would make things worse for him – Jax would probably not be grateful, if he believed him at all, and he would lose the only help he had – but it still left a bad taste in Juice's mouth. He also had the vague idea that telling Gemma to pin Tara's murder on the Chinese would have dire consequences and he really didn't want to think about this too much.

His stupor ended when Wendy walked in on him. Luckily Gemma could bring her into the fold before she could rat Juice out but it made clear to the Puerto Rican that he had to do something. Hearing that Jax was out and getting caught by Unser only strengthened this decision. He had wasted enough time, he either had to run as far away as possible or get right with the Jax. And Juice knew which of the two possibilities he preferred. He would give it one more shot before he cut his losses and vanished into the night. Maybe Jax had cooled off in prison. Or maybe he felt lonely and could use the comfort Juice had offered in the past. It likely wouldn't be pretty – Juice wasn't stupid enough to think Jax would be gentle to him at the moment – but he could deal with a dick up his ass. But how should he pull it off? Break into Jax's house and wait for him in bed? Hot, but probably stupid and a bit too much like porn. What if Jax immediately attacked him? And what about the rest of the club? Was he just on Jax's shit list or had they voted for mayhem in his absence? If it was the latter, Jax couldn't spare him even if he wanted to. He needed more information before he could do anything and he would need a member for that. And he knew just the man for the job: Chibs. The guy had a big heart and had offered to help him in the past. Juice was certain that he would help, especially if he played it up a little.

Of course, he had to be careful about contacting him. Nobody else must know and Chibs needed plausible deniability. Also, Juice had to be certain the guy really wanted to help before meeting with him. If Chibs had changed his mind in the meantime, he could walk right into a trap. He heard Unser squirm in the bathtub and an idea came to him. Maybe the guy could be useful after all.

Chibs had no idea what to expect when he walked into the diner. Their parole officers knew that they wouldn't turn any of them into model citizens and usually didn't waste their time. This made this meeting very unusual and the Scot had a bad feeling about it. Some trouble from the DA maybe? He relaxed for a moment when he saw Unser but the tension immediately returned when Juice stepped into view.

"Jesus Christ," Chibs said. "You dumb bastard."

"I took him at gunpoint," Juice said, indicating Unser. "He had no choice. It was the only way I could get you to come alone. I needed to talk to you."

"We are way past talking, you should have run when you had the chance," Chibs said and meant it. It would have been better for all parties involved if Juice had just vanished forever. But here he was and now he was Chibs's problem. "What the hell do you want?"

"Did the club vote for mayhem or is Jax doing this on his own?"

"That's none of your business," Chibs said, even if he was sure that Juice could guess the truth: This was all Jax. Nobody in the club even knew exactly what Juice had done to piss Jax off, not even Chibs. But he thought he was better off not knowing.

"I need to know if there is something I can do to earn my way back," Juice said. "I will do anything, man. Please!"

Jesus, was the guy serious? He couldn't actually believe he still had a chance of buying his was back in? It wasn't like this was his first slip-up. And there certainly wasn't anything waiting for him in SAMCRO. Nobody in the club would trust him now and Jax...Jesus. That was it, wasn't it? The guy wasn't just missing his club, he was missing Jax's dick. Now it all made sense for Chibs. Jax had messed the guy up so much he not only believed that Jax loved him but was in love himself. True, Juice had told him something like that in their argument last week – was this just a week? It seemed like an eternity to him – but he hadn't really believed it. Now he saw that Juice was dead serious. Christ, this was the most fucked up love story he had ever heard.

So what should he tell him? The truth was that Jax pretty much ruled the club like a king now. If he welcomed Juice back into the fold, the others would likely follow him. But this was very unlikely in Chibs's book. And even if Jax would let him live, Chibs had little doubt on what he would do to him now that his wife was gone. Probably he would stuff a dick in him whenever he got the chance. Hell, Chibs wouldn't be surprised if Jax would let the other members take a ride as well, Tig and Happy would probably be more than willing to break Juice further. And the fucked up thing was that Juice would likely think this was a good deal. Probably he would be in love with them next. No, Chibs could not bear to look at this shit. Juice's time with SAMCRO was over and the sooner the boy got as far away from Jax and the club, the better it would be for him. But how should he get through to him? He had warned him again and again and he had never listened. Should he go toe-to-toe with Jackie for him? Force him to let the guy be? Nah, this would only blowback on both of them. The best thing would be if Juice vanished without a trace and never returned. But to get him to do that he had to be harsh:

"If I were you, I would take that gun, put in my mouth and pull the trigger."

The misery on Juice's face was heart-breaking. Chibs really wished that there had been something else he could do but he was all out of options. He watched Juice leave and put on a bit of a show for Unser. He really hoped Juice didn't really kill himself but rather realized that he had to leave. That Chibs had to tell Jax about the meeting – anything else would be too dangerous – only made him more worried. He had the distinct feeling that this wouldn't end well for anyone.

Things went from bad to worse for Juice after his encounter with Chibs. Now that the last hope had been shattered, his mental state became even worse than before. Most of the time he couldn't focus at all and merely relived the many ways he had gone wrong over and over again. It took the not so gentle prodding from Gemma to get him out of town. But no peace could be found there either. He still had nothing to run to, so he couldn't really hope for better times ahead. And it didn't take long for his sins to follow him. When he heard about the Chinese massacre in Diosa, the full weight of what he had done came back to him. This was on him! The club was in a deadly turf war with Lin because he had told Gemma the Chinese could take the fall. This made him feel even worse and kicked up his paranoia another notch, causing him to ice an innocent man just because he was Asian.

And then Gemma backstabbed him. Juice really should have known better than to trust her but he hadn't seen it coming. At least he knew now that he wouldn't be safe stateside – who knew how for the Chinese's reach went? –, so he reached out to the Mayans for some help with getting to Mexico only to have Alvarez turn him over to the club. So here he was now, looked in a spare room in the ice cream shop, waiting for his sentence. He wondered what was taking so long. He had expected Jax to shoot him on sight but until now he had done nothing like that. Seeing him had stirred up all the old feelings again and now Juice was torn between panic and the irrational hope that he could somehow make it right with Jax. He paced his cell and just hoped something would happen soon.

Jax dismissed Happy and stepped towards the door to Juice's makeshift cell. Okay, time to put this behind him. He would step inside, question Juice a bit to satisfy his curiosity and then kill him. Usually this would need a club vote for that but Jax didn't want to bring the subject to the table. Chibs was still the only one who knew about his special relationship with the Puerto Rican and Jax wanted to keep it this way. And without this information his other brothers wouldn't understand why he felt so betrayed by Juice's actions. No, better to end it here and now even if Bobby might be upset afterwards. Jax's hold on the club was absolute at the moment and a little bit of extra justice wouldn't shake it. He debated pulling his gun but chose to use his knife instead. This was personal so he might as well make the mayhem personal as well. And the phallic symbol was probably fitting.

He opened the door and stepped inside. Juice turned at looked at him, his eyes wide and fearful. Jax gave him a hard stare and closed the door behind him. His knife was out so Juice must have a pretty good idea about what was coming.

"Please make it quick," Juice said softly. "For old time's sake."

"I will," Jax said and meant it. "I just have a few questions first."

"Do my answers matter?"

"Probably not at this point," Jax admitted. "I just don't like loose ends."

"Alright, Jax. Ask away," Juice said.

Jax eyes wandered over him. He had more important questions but one thing bothered him. "Why did you shave your hair off?"

Juice blinked in surprise. "I...I don't really know. I...haven't been well this last week. I never really have been since I killed Miles. It got a lot worse after you turned on me."

Anger rose in Jax. "Turned on you? You betrayed me! You told Nero what happened to this junkie bitch! I thought about that a lot and what I can't figure out is why you did it. I thought you were good with me. And if you weren't I would have thought you would at least choose a betrayal that actually hurt me. Unless you are not just a rat but also very stupid."

Sadness rose up in Juice's eyes. "It was an accident Jax. I never wanted to tell Nero that."

That sounded far-fetched but okay, he would bite. "Explain."

Juice sighed. "After you killed Clay, Chibs approached me. He told me he couldn't watch me getting raped anymore and offered to help me get out of town."

Jax shook his head. The guy really didn't know when to quit. "Goddammit, Chibs."

"I told him I wanted it, but he thought I was deluding myself. That you were just using me and that you would drop me the moment you fixed things with Tara. I refused to go with him and tried not to let what he said get to me but it was harder than I thought. I tried to talk to you but you were busy with Tara. Bobby noted that I was upset and wanted to know why. I told him it was because of Clay and he advised me to pop some Oxy and get my dick sucked at Diosa."

Jax did not like where this was going. "Go on."

"I wanted you but this seemed like my only option, so I went. I was very shaken up and started popping Oxy like crazy. I took too much."

"Jesus Christ, Juice."

"It was an accident! I didn't mean to kill myself! Luckily, Gemma and Nero found me, out of my mind. They saved me and put me to bed. I...don't remember much of this night but when I came to the next morning I had the feeling that I had said something to Nero – something dangerous. At first I wasn't sure if I had just dreamed it but then you confronted me and I knew."

Jax had no words at this point. This was not how he had imagined it at all. Suddenly Juice didn't seem like a two-faced rat anymore but more like a vulnerable friend who was falling apart at the seams. And who needed help rather than a blade in the stomach. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"You seemed way too angry. And, as I said, I was in bad shape. I guess I still am. I couldn't even bring myself to run properly. I wanted the club back too much." He paused. "I wanted you back too much."

"Jesus, Juice, what I am supposed to do with you?"

Juice gave a small smile and stepped closer to Jax – a lot closer. "Whatever you want, Jax. As I said, I stayed for you. Though you might as well give a guy one last kiss."

He bent his head up and kissed Jax. The President hesitated but then responded – eagerly. Everything they had had before came back to him this instant. He explored Juice's mouth, his anger forgotten for the moment. He felt a touch of both the feeling of absolute power and the intimacy he had felt this one night with Juice. Damn, he hadn't realized how much he had missed that. Then Juice broke the kiss and rested his forehead on Jax's.

Their position would be a perfect for him to stab the guy but Jax found that he couldn't. Not after what had just happened and not when he knew he had completely overreacted. He looked at the knife in his hand and put it back in his sheath. For the first time he could see a glimmer of hope in Juice's eyes.

"What happens now?" the Puerto Rican asked him.

Jax wished he knew. "You will stay here until I decide what to do with you. Maybe we can find a way for you to earn it back. For now, the rules are simple. You do whatever I tell you and you keep your mouth shut. To the cops and the others. Nobody needs to know what happens between us."

"Alright, Jax. Thank you."

"Don't thank me yet," Jax said. "And grow your hair back out. I miss the Mohawk."

Jax took some time for a smoke, some thinking and a quick call with Gemma before he brought everyone to the table. "I spoke to Juice," Jax said. "I wanted to tie up some loose ends, fill in the last blanks before I kill him."

Murmurs immediately filled the room. Jax had never bothered getting an actual mayhem vote for Juice – or even one that removed him from the club. He had just said that Juice couldn't be trusted and that had been enough for everyone – not even Chibs had protested. But actually icing the guy without a vote was pushing his authority more than a bit. He waited for them to quiet down and continued. "I was wrong about Juice. He explained to me what had happened and it seems like he has not betrayed me after all. It was an accident."

"It's time you tell us what exactly happened between the two of you, brother," Bobby said. "This is getting really cryptic."

Jax could see Chibs tense next to him. Oh, no reason to get upset yet, Chibs. He wouldn't tell Bobby about the fucking. "I know and I apologize for the secrecy. I think you all remember the Darvany situation. The crazy bitch was a threat to all of us but Nero was too wrapped up in his guilt to realize that. So I had to take care of her."

Bobby's eyes went wide. "It wasn't an overdose."

"Juice killed her for me," Jax said simply. "Smothered her with a pillow. Nero couldn't know and I thought it better keep it on a need-to-know basis. Maybe this was wrong but I didn't want to burden you with it. And we couldn't hold a vote with Nero watching."

Bobby let out a sigh. "That's some heavy shit, brother."

Jax didn't think so – who gave a shit about some junkie whore? –, but of course he couldn't admit that. "I know, Bobby, but it had to be done." He continued with the story. "It might not have been pretty but it worked well. We couldn't be tied to the shooting anymore and Nero believed the overdose story – or at least I thought he did. A week ago he suddenly confronted me about it. This was the reason he was meeting with the Mayans so much these days – blowback from me going behind his back. Since Juice was the only one who knew, I thought he had ratted me out to Nero but I never understood why he would do it. Now I know what happened: Apparently he was upset after Clay's death and somebody told him to go to Diosa and pop some Oxy." He paused at this point and watched Bobby squirm uncomfortably. "Juice followed this advice but lost count of how much Oxy he took. He overdosed."

"Jesus Christ," Chibs said. "Juice, you stupid fuck."

"He told me it was an accident but I don't know if this is true. Anyway, Nero and my mom found him and saved him. He was out of his mind at this point and when Nero put him to bed some words spilled out. Enough for Nero to guess what happened to Darvany."

"And you believe that?" Tig asked.

"I called my mom and she more or less confirmed it. She remembers Juice suspecting that he had overshared something but she couldn't make sense of it at the time. By the time Juice was on his feet again, Nero had already confronted me and I was too pissed off to even listen to Juice. Then he split, worried that I might have him killed."

"So what happens now?" Chibs asked.

I tell you off for causing this mess, Jax thought. But first things first. "I won't kill a brother for making a stupid mistake and Juice has begged me for another chance. He said he would do anything."

"Anything?" Chibs asked, worry in his voice.

"We could use him to take out Lin," Tig suggested. "Let him get arrested so he can kill Lin in Stockton for us."

Jax shook his head. "If we do this, he will be buried in prison for the next years, even if it is just on a parole violation. Then he won't be of use for us anymore. And using Juice would be a huge risk. He would be on his own inside and nobody knows what will happen then. Maybe the DA will offer him a deal or somebody will take him out before he can get close to Lin. Both could be devastating for us. It is much safer to use Tully's guys, it will even give us plausible deniability."

"So we just forget anything happens and welcome him back?" Bobby asked.

"No," Jax said. "Juice might not be the rat I thought he was but he is in very bad shape mentally. The overdose makes this pretty obvious. We can't rely on him in this condition. I suggest we put him somewhere safe and wait for him to get better. He can do some hacking in the meantime, it might calm him down and give us some intel. Once we have dealt with Marks we can have another look at him and decide if he should keep his patch. I will keep an eye on him and try to help him getting his shit together."

He saw Chibs glare at him suspiciously but Bobby seemed to be impressed. "This is a good plan, Jax. We have to take care of our brothers. Maybe some rest will help the guy get his head straight."

"So, all in favor?" Jax asked and everybody nodded. "Okay, we will bring him back to his place once we are done. And he has to meet Jarry so that the APB goes away. He split before Tara was murdered so I'm sure he can't give her anything anyway." He took a deep breath. "Alright, we are done for now. Chibs, could you stay a moment longer?"

Chibs nodded and waited while everyone else cleared out. Once the door had been closed, Jax turned to the Scot, his pleasant facade gone. "What the hell were you thinking?"

"What do you mean?"

Him playing stupid only enraged Jax further. "You told Juice that you would get him out of Charming? Away from me? That I was just using him? That you couldn't stand watching this fuck up shit anymore?"

Chibs looked at him defiantly. "You are using this boy, Jackie, and it's not right!"

"Oh no, you don't get to be self-righteous about that anymore!" Jax snarled. "You are the fucking reason he swallowed those pills! Everything was going fine between us but you had to get involved! Do you even realize how much damage you have done? Juice could have died from the overdose! Not to mention that I was just seconds away from killing him! Why can't you leave him the hell alone? What happens between Juice and me is none of your goddam business!"

"Open your goddam eyes, Jackie: The boy is all twisted up because you raped him when he was already crumbling under the pressure! Just because he came to like it after a few rounds doesn't make it right. If you actually cared about him, you never would have done this to him in the first place!"

That stung. Jax was about to bash the guy's head in but managed to stop himself. It was too risky, the others would ask too many questions. And he couldn't deny that Chibs was at least somewhat right. Maybe he had twisted Juice a bit too much. "Maybe it wasn't the best move. But the bottom line is: Juice is mine and I decide what happens to him. You stay the hell out of it! And if you try to break him away one more time, I will fucking end you!"

Chibs shook his head. "I love you, brother, but you are dead wrong here. It might give you comfort to have him close, maybe you even love him in some twisted way but it is messed up and it will kill him."

"It won't," Jax said. "And even if it might it is his decision. I am not forcing him."

"The sad thing is that I actually believe that. The boy is fucked up enough to be madly in love with you by now." Chibs shook his head. "But I know when I have lost. I won't get involved and I won't tell anyone. But don't expect me to like it."

Jax didn't and didn't really care about Chibs's opinion on his love life anyway. He was glad he had been wrong about Juice. Finally, something turned out to be better than expected.

A/N: I wasn't very happy with the end of the Juice storyline. Not because he didn't end up having hate sex with Jax but because the whole arc was badly executed. Sending him to prison to kill Tully doesn't make any sense and it is very strange that he doesn't even try to explain his actions – which are much more forgivable than the things he was pardoned for (not counting his involvement in Tara's murder). That nobody in the Sons has any objections to this – or any of Jax's decision over the course of the season – is very weird and one of the reason season seven falls flat in my opinion.

But at least it gave me a lot of slashy subtext to work with. Juice's devotion to Jax and mental instability is even better explained when you add Jax more-or-less raping him and the pulling him into a twisted relationship before. This is why I kept much of the first half intact and just added some explanation to keep the story going and avoiding the plot holes of the canon. I will take much more liberties with the second half and anyone hoping for Juice/Tully will be disappointed.

I honestly do not know how this will end currently but the series finale will probably give me some pointers. You stay tuned for the last chapter. Feedback is even more appreciated than usual.