Despite the at least somewhat positive outcome of his last meeting with Jax, Juice was quite surprised when the door was unlocked and Happy beckoned him to come outside. He thought the Sergeant at Arms seemed friendly but it was hard to tell with him. When he stepped outside he saw that Bobby, Tig and Chibs were waiting for him as well. Jax was lurking in the background, talking to Gemma who not-so-subtly glanced to Juice over Jax's shoulder. Juice swallowed. He wasn't sure what Gemma would do now. Then Bobby hugged him and took his mind off her. "Welcome back, brother!" he said, taking Juice completely by surprise.

"Glad to be back," Juice said, stunned by this warm welcome. What the hell had Jax told them? That he had been off rescuing kittens?

Bobby released him and stepped back. "Jax told us what happened with Darvany. And that you overdosed at Diosa. I am sorry I suggested it, Juice. I should have listened instead of just telling you to get your dicked sucked."

Wow, Jax should consider going into politics. The way he had spun the story had turned Juice from a rat to a victim in less than half an hour. "Well you can always blow me as apology, Bobby."

Bobby laughed. "Not a chance." He motioned to Jax. "He will take you home later. You stay there and clear your head. Once you are feeling better, we will be there for you. Maybe we have all this shit with Marks behind us by then."

"Jax said not to bother Juice with club business," Tig said. He clapped Juice on the shoulder. "I know a few girls that might help you, Juice. I swear they can suck your worries out through your..."

"Thanks, Tig, I think I will manage," Juice said. Before he would do anything sexual that Tig liked he would take the whole club up his ass.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" Chibs asked. "Alone, please."

"Sure," Juice said and followed him to Church. Once he had closed the door behind them, Chibs spoke. "I wanted to apologize for our last meeting. I was just looking out for you. This thing with Jax isn't good for you and I wanted to scare you straight."

"I know, Chibs," Juice said. "And I know you mean well. But trust me, being on my own won't help me at the moment. I need to heal here." He paused. "With Jax."

"I am not sure how that's supposed to work but it seems like you are both daft enough to believe it. Just tell me if he gives you trouble, all right?"

Juice felt quite touched. Chibs might be gruff sometimes but he had a good heart. And it seemed like Juice could never fuck it up with him completely. "I will. Thanks, Chibs."

"Alright, I have to see our new Sherriff now. See you soon."

"See you," Juice said and watched Chibs go, leaving him alone in the new Church. He ran his hands over the reaper inlaid in the table. He was back. Maybe on probation but he was back in. He felt much better already. Did he have Jax back as well? He wasn't sure but he guessed time would tell. He wondered what Tara's death meant for their relationship. Jax was alone now but he might feel too guilty to have sex with him. The door opened and Juice turned, expecting Jax. He saw Gemma instead and his good mood vanished.

"So it is true," she said. "You somehow got away."

"No thanks to you," Juice replied.

"Hey, I confirmed the overdose story for you," Gemma said. "So you can thank me that Jax spared you."

Juice thought that this was bending the truth quite a bit and didn't make up for her trying to kill him but he knew arguing with her would be a massive waste of time. "What the hell do you want, Gemma?"

"What did you tell Jax?"

Ah, of course. As usual, Gemma thought only of herself. "Don't worry. I didn't tell him what you did."

"And you better keep it that way!" Gemma said, getting right in his face. "For your own sake!"

Juice gave her a weary smile. "I am not scared of you, Gem."

"Oh, never mind me, what do you think will Jax do when you tell him the truth? Or did you plan to leave out the part where you helped me cover up the murder? Because you can bet your brown ass I will tell Jax exactly what you did before he kills me. And then you will be in the ground with me."

"So this is your strategy? Mutual assured destruction? Pretty old-fashioned but I guess it fits." He ran a hand over his face. Damn, what had he been thinking? He never should have helped Gemma. Jax had gotten over Darvany but this was something he likely couldn't forgive. Juice could never tell him but the thought of watching him killing innocents and endangering the club while he tried to find Tara's killer was hard to bear. But Gemma was right, he couldn't tell Jax. Juice guessed he was lucky that Lin had already been dealt with, maybe things would die down now. "I will keep my mouth shut. But you should really consider coming clean to Jax."

"Are you out of your fucking mind? Do you know what he will do to me?"

"What do you think will happen if you don't say anything? Look around you, Gem. Already dozens of people are dead because of the lie you told. The very thought that I helped you come up with it makes me sick but here you stand as if nothing has happened."

"Don't tell me how I'm supposed to feel!" Gemma snapped. "I am doing the best I can for this family! Telling Jax will fucking shatter him, I am protecting us all by keeping silent! And if some chinks die for it, that's fine with me!"

Juice shook his head. He should have known. He wished he had her coldness, it would make things a lot easier. "Are we done?"

"Just one more question. What is going on between you and Jax?"

"I thought he told you about Darvany."

"I don't care what happened to this junkie whore. I am just surprised Jax forgave you so easily. What else did you do for him? Kill someone?"

"That's none of your business."

She gave him a confident smile. "Doesn't matter, I will find out eventually."

The door opened and Jax walked in. He stopped when he saw Gemma. "What are you doing here?"

"Just telling Juice he should stay away from drugs." She turned to leave. "You take care of him, baby."

"I will, Ma," Jax said, completely unaware of what Gemma really meant. She walked out, leaving him alone with Juice. "Come on," the VP said. "Let's get you home. You need some rest."

Juice didn't think he would get much sleep anytime soon but it might be good to be alone for a bit. Think things through. He followed Jax outside where his bike was already waiting for him.

Jax grabbed a bundle lying on the bike and passed it to Juice. The Puerto Rican unfolded it and realized it was his cut. He gaped at it in amazement.

"It's a cut, Juice," Jax said, grinning at him. "I am sure you have seen them before."

"I never expected to see it again. Does that mean I am back in?"

"Not quite," Jax said and Juice's heart sank. "Your patch is safe for the moment but you need to get your head straight. We need you sharp and focused, we can't keep worrying if you wind up dead somewhere. Consider yourself on medical leave for the moment. You can do some hacking or other light duty but I don't want you involved with the heavy stuff. Hopefully things will have died down once you are feeling better."

Juice guessed this was the best deal he would get. "Thanks, Jax. I really appreciate it."

"It is the least I can do," Jax said. He glanced around. "Let's go to your place."

The ride back to his home was spent in silence but Juice didn't mind. He was feeling so giddy he had trouble not bursting out with laughter. He had done it! He was safe! The club was on his side again and Jax seemed to come around as well. The only thing missing was Jax's cock inside him but given they were on the way to his home, he guessed this would be remedied soon.

When they came to his place Juice was shocked at the mess that awaited them. It looked like the house had been searched – and not too gently. He thought Jax looked a bit guilty at this. "I guess the guys got carried away when they looked for clues on where you had disappeared to. I'm sorry, Juice."

"It's okay," Juice said. "I will have time to clean it up the next days."

"If you need anything, man, just ask," Jax said.

"What's going on, Jax? Not that I am complaining but you were only seconds away to kill me this morning and now you are acting like my best friend again. Anything I am missing?"

Now he could definitely see guilt on Jax's face. "I had an argument with Chibs earlier. It was about you."

"Shit."

"Yeah, it got a bit tense. I blamed him for the overdose but he said it was all my fault. I can't help feeling that he was partly right. I never should have come onto you when Tara was in prison. It was selfish and reckless. I knew you were hurting because of Miles and only laid more pain on top of it. I might as well have shoved the pills down your throat myself."

Juice stepped closer to Jax. "It's okay. Really. I am glad you fucked me this day. Otherwise I never would have known what it is like to do this."

He leaned up for another kiss. Again, Jax responded and Juice smiled. Seems like he was close to getting the one thing that was missing. Then Jax broke the kiss and took a step back. "I'm sorry, I can't do this right now. Not so soon after Tara..."

Shit, talk about a gut punch. Guilt flowed through Juice and he had the sudden desire to come clean. But he knew this would be madness. "I am so sorry, Jax. How are you?"

"Depends. Some days I am fine the others I can hardly get up. The nights are the worst. Waking up in my empty bed, it just makes it so real she is gone. All I can do is kill the man who did this to her. Maybe I will feel better then."

"Is there anything I can do?"

Jax gave him a soft smile. "You are just waiting for me to say that my bed needs filling, aren't you, Juice?"

"Guilty as charged."

"And I would be lying if I said I haven't considered it." He took a step back. "You clean this place up. I will come by to check on you."

"Sure thing, Pres."

Chibs might not believe it, but Jax had no intention of immediately jumping back into bed with Juice. He still felt guilty for repeatedly cheating on Tara with him and doing so right after her death felt disrespectful. Also he wanted to keep his head clear when it came to the guy. He still didn't know if Juice was cut out for staying in the club. If the guy didn't get his head straight, it might be necessary to take his patch and – if he turned out to be really unstable – his life. Jax hoped it wouldn't come to this but the possibility was there and he wanted to stay objective. Well, as objective as was possible when the thought of fucking the guy in question made you so hard you could barely think straight. Chibs had said Jax's actions had screwed Juice up but the President was starting to wonder if he had damaged himself as well. There were so many reasons the relationship with Juice was a bad idea but he could not bring himself to write it off completely.

Then Bobby was killed and Tully finished off Lin only to find out that Jury had not betrayed Jax after all. Jax knew this would cause a lot of fallout with the other charters and he really didn't need any more trouble at the moment. Unable to sleep, he finally relented and went over to Juice's place. He had to knock repeatedly before someone answered. "Yeah?" he heard Juice's voice ask.

"It's me. Open up."

Juice did and Jax was on him the moment the door opened. Unlike his last late-night visit this time Juice didn't stop to ask any stupid questions. And why should he? This was what he wanted, Jax's reasons shouldn't matter to him. They quickly made their way over to the bed, shedding clothes in the process. Juice had still been dressed which was surprising given the late hour and annoyed Jax because it took longer for them to get naked. Once all spare clothing had been dealt with Jax wasted no time with blowjobs or other foreplay but went straight for the ass. Juice managed to keep him off long enough to at least somewhat prepare himself but still it was cutting it very close. But once Jax was on top of him and inside his ass, he completely forgot about that – Juice apparently as well. Now Jax had the patience to move slower, wanting to make this intimate. He didn't want an anonymous or meaningless fuck. He wanted something with affection like what he had had with Tara before the issues started coming through. And nobody could give him that at the moment except Juice who seemed to enjoy it as much as Jax did. However, once Jax had come inside of him – and Juice had finished on his stomach – the guilt came crashing back through and Jax was unable to keep the tears at bay.

"Hey," Juice said. "Hey, it's okay. I'm not mad if you want to leave."

"I don't want to leave," Jax heard himself say. He blinked the last tears away and shoved the guilt aside. He needed this. He needed someone close, who might just love him the way his wife once had. Tara's memory couldn't get in the way now. He grabbed Juice and pulled him over so he was spooning the Puerto Rican. "This is what I want."

Juice smiled and wiggled a bit to make himself more comfortable. "Fine with me. I love you, Jax."

"I love you too, Juice." This time, he thought he even mean it.

"Hey, I got a lot of spare time at the moment," Juice said. "Do you want me to look after Abel and Thomas? It would be nice to see them again."

"Sure, why not? It will give Wendy some time off. Sleep first, though."

Juice quenched the lights and soon Jax was fast asleep, the small Puerto Rican cradled against his chest. For once, he did sleep well.

The next day was a wild up and down for Juice. He woke up cradled in Jax's arms and was exalted he was apparently winning the guy's affection back. Jax was very kind to him the whole morning until he had to leave to tend to his club business. True to his word, Juice went over to Jax' place and helped Wendy with Abel and Thomas. Juice had the feeling she knew something was up between him and Jax and this thought made him nervous. Wendy wasn't a threat the way Gemma was but it was obvious for Juice that she was still in love with Jax – he guessed it took one to know one – and wouldn't react kindly to learning that he was currently Jax's favorite. It was awkward but Juice felt like he owed it to Jax to make himself useful. And it was good to get out of the house. He had stayed holed up for far too long.

Then Abel accused Gemma of hurting him and things took a turn for the worse. On the surface, it was good for Juice that Gemma was pushed out but it cranked up the guilt another notch. Juice knew the accusation was bullshit – Gemma wouldn't hurt her grandson – but now nobody could deny anymore that the little man was fucked up by a murder Juice had covered up. He had to focus at lot not to look too guilty when Jax discussed his options with Wendy. He and Wendy were there when Jax told Abel that Wendy was his real mother in an intense heart-to-heart. It seem to work somewhat on Able and cheered Wendy up a lot but Juice's dark thoughts couldn't be banished so easily. Wendy went home while he waited for Jax to finish tucking Abel in. He wondered if he should go as well but he guessed Jax had kept him around for a reason – even if it was just the combination of him being there when the school had called and him giving awesome blowjobs.

Jax took a lot longer than expected to take care of Able and when he came back Juice had the feeling that something was off about him. "Everything all right, Jax?"

The President looked at him with an expression Juice could only describe as haunted. "No."

"What's going on?"

"Abel just asked me if Gemma killed Tara to make room for Wendy." Juice felt pure horror flood his veins. Jax continued, disbelief in his voice. "My five year old son seems to think his grandmother killed his mother. It isn't true. It can't be true. But why would he say it otherwise?"

"Did he tell you why he thinks that?" Juice asked, hoping Jax couldn't hear the guilt in his voice.

"He said he heard her confessing to Thomas. Saying that she was sorry she killed his mommy. Jesus, this is so messed up." He ran a hand over his face. "Either my son is delusional or my mother has killed the woman I love. What the hell am I supposed to do with that?"

"Maybe he is just confused. Misinterpreting something Gemma said. It happens with kids."

"Maybe," Jax said but it was obvious that he was really troubled.

"You should try to get some sleep," Juice suggested. He really wanted to get away from this topic. "It doesn't help anyone if you are tired all day."

Jax gave him a fond smile. "Guess you are right. You are staying tonight, right?"

Sleeping here hadn't on been the table until now and Juice guessed it was good sign. He would prefer to be alone right now but couldn't much refuse Jax without raising suspicions. And he guessed Jax needed some comfort right now and would be grateful if he stayed. So he pushed the guilt away and got into bed with Jax. Luckily, the guy just wanted to cuddle up and go to sleep – Juice did not think he could have sex with this thing on his mind. Both needed some time to settle down enough to sleep but Jax soon fell asleep nestled into Juice's back, leaving the Puerto Rican alone with his thoughts. Juice had never felt so horrible in his life. How could he lie here next to Jax when he knew exactly what had happened to Tara? How could he tell the guy he loved him when he kept this secret from him? Up to now he could rationalize it – it only hit people who deserved it anyway, the damage was already done and a hundred other excuses – but now he couldn't ignore it anymore. Gemma wouldn't admit the murder and the truth was so unthinkable that Jax probably wouldn't believe Abel. He would think his eldest son was insane and probably let a lot of experts have a look at the boy. This couldn't end well and would likely twist Abel up for life. Juice couldn't let his happen. Gemma might be cruel enough to save herself rather than an innocent child but Juice couldn't live with this kind of guilt. He had to do something. And there was only one option he had: Coming clean.

The thought made his stomach cramp up in terror. Now that the seed had been planted, the chances were higher that Jax believed him but Juice did not kid himself: Jax would not be grateful. He would feel betrayed and Juice knew too well what would happen then. More likely than not he would kill him. Gemma might be doomed as well but this wasn't about getting back on her but about saving Abel and stopping more innocents from getting hurt. If the price for this was his own life, he would have to pay it. At least he would go out doing something good and selfless rather than being gunned down in a gang war or sliced open in prison. The thought had some kind of peace to it. It had been a long time since Juice had done the right thing and going out this way might give his messed-up life a comforting note. At least he would be at peace then. And he would do the right thing for Jax.

He turned to face Jax and gave the sleeping man a soft kiss. "I love you, Jackson," he whispered. "And I'm sorry."

When Jax woke the next morning he was surprised to find the bed empty next to him. Weird, Juice wasn't known to be an early riser. He glanced at the clock and saw that he had overslept. Wendy would be here soon and Abel might already be up. Time to get going. He climbed out of bed, threw on some clothes and went to the bathroom. He heard someone working in the kitchen and guessed it was Juice. Hopefully the guy had made breakfast. He splashed some water in his face and went down to check on his favorite Puerto Rican. Juice was currently fidgeting with something that looked like French Toast. The kitchen was spotless and Juice apparently had gone all out on the breakfast, judging from the amount of dishes on the table. "I see you have been busy."

Juice turned around. His eyes were wide and Jax thought he saw fear in there. He looked tired and unkempt – which was hard given he only had stubble for hair. Suddenly Juice cleaning up and preparing food didn't seem harmless to Jax anymore but the working of a damaged mind. Shit, had he said something wrong yesterday? Jax couldn't think of anything but who knew how Juice's mind worked at this point? "What's wrong?"

"Sit down, Jax," Juice said and motioned towards one of the chairs at the kitchen table. Jax complied and Juice sat down on the opposite side of him. The President could see tears forming in Juice's eyes and now was absolutely sure something was wrong. "Juice, talk to me. I'm starting to worry here."

"I need to tell you something," Juice said. He carefully avoided looking at Jax. "Something I should have told you a long time ago. It will hurt like hell but I can't keep it quiet any longer, not when more people are getting hurt."

"Juice, you are not making sense here."

"The Chinese did not kill Tara."

Jax was stunned. "What?"

"The day of the murder, you sent me to your house to look for Gemma. I was still trying to wrap my head around what you said to me about betraying you. I should have either come clean or run at this point but I was too rattled to form a clear thought. So I just did what you had told me to do. I went to your house and met Eli out front. He was waiting on Tara. We heard a noise inside, Eli went to check it out and I followed. When we got inside, Tara was already dead. The place was trashed. Gemma was on the floor, covered in blood."

Jax felt like he had been gut-punched. Jesus Christ, it was true! Abel wasn't crazy. He just tried to understand something so horrible his little mind couldn't handle it. Jesus, Jax could barely wrap his head around it himself. HIs mother had killed the woman he loved and pinned on the Chinese! He felt tears welling up in his eyes and for once he was unable to stop them. In the meantime, Juice continued. "Gemma must have thought that Tara had ratted on you. Eli was going to call it in. He would have arrested Gemma for the murder. This is the part where I screwed everything up."

Juice turned to look at him again and Jax could see that he too was crying. "I was scared and alone. You had condemned me and I knew it would probably meet Mister Mayhem soon. But here was something that seemed like a solution: If anybody could make you reconsider it was your mother. Even if she couldn't help with that, she could help me vanish. All I needed was something to motivate her."

"You killed Eli for her," Jax said. His emotions were a turmoil but his colder side was still sharp enough to recognize a move like that.

"Felt good finally get back on that asshole. I put some bullets in his back and helped Gemma up. I got rid of the evidence for her but we needed someone to pin the murder on. She asked who had enough beef with the club to do something like that. I told her the Chinese. I vanished from sight, she spun the story the right way. This way we were both safe for the moment."

Juice paused for a moment and then looked at Jax with an expression of pure despair. "I am so sorry, Jax! I never thought this would cause so much fallout. A war with the Chinese, Diosa, Bobby, I had no idea it would come to this when I suggested it. I was lost and thought Gemma could help me. I was wrong. I should have Eli call it in and made things right with you even if there was nothing I could have done for Tara."

Jax blinked his last tears away. The despair was ebbing up and was getting quickly replaced by rage. "Why didn't you tell me when I pardoned you for Darvany?"

"I wanted to but I was so grateful for this second chance I didn't want to screw it up again. You had taken care of Lin, so I thought things would settle down now. And would you have believed me?"

Probably not. Not when Juice had come onto him out of the blue and especially not after admitting to nearly overdosing a week before. When he didn't answer, Juice went on. "I urged Gemma to come clean to you but she would have none of it. She threatened me to keep my mouth shut. But I can't do it anymore. Not after Bobby. Not when Abel would suffer for me. Everything between us was real, Jax. I love you and I'm sorr..."

Jax couldn't control himself any longer. He leapt to his feet. Juice was startled from his chair and started to speak. "Jax, please."

The President gut-punched him. Juice doubled over and Jax used to opportunity to punch him in the face, knocking him to the ground. "Sorry? You think that's gonna cut it? I should have killed you when I had the chance you lying, conniving, treacherous rat." Every word was accentuated by another punch. Juice did not fight back which only enraged Jax further. If he had his knife he would cut the guy open and spill his goddam guts all over the kitchen floor. The knife was still upstairs, though, as was his gun so his fists would have to do for the moment. But not matter, they would get the job done as well.

"Daddy?" a small voice asked.

Jax froze mid-punch and turned around. Abel stood there, watching him straddling Juice and beating the guy to pulp. Wendy was behind him, pure horror on her face. Jax stopped immediately and stood up, turning around to face them both. Suddenly aware of his bloodied knuckles he stuffed them into his pockets. "Hey buddy, didn't know you were up."

"What are you doing with Uncle Juice?" Abel asked, trying to get a good look at the body on the ground – and Jax doing his best to block his vision.

"Nothing, we just...had a little boxing training," he improvised.

"Is he gonna be okay?"

"Of course. Why don't you go upstairs and check on Tommy?"

"Okay, Daddy," Abel said and did just that. Jax turned to Wendy next. "Jesus Christ, Jax," she said. "Are you out of your goddamn mind? What the hell are you doing to Juice?"

"Club business, Wendy," Jax hissed. He was not going to be told off by her like a child getting scolded by his mother. Mother – this thought brought something more urgent to his mind. "I need to talk to Gemma. Do you know where she is?"

"I guess her house," Wendy said, clearly uncomfortable.

"Good, you take care of the kids. I will be back soon," Jax said, leaving the room to fetch his cut and weapons.

"Wait, what the hell am I supposed to do with Juice?" Wendy asked.

Jax looked at the groaning Puerto Rican who despite the beat down was still alive. Rats apparently were as hard to kill as cockroaches. But right now he had bigger fish to fry. "Just get him out of here. I will deal with him once I have spoken to my mother."

Without another glance he walked off. He had grim business to attend to.

Gemma was just making coffee when her phone rang. She looked at the display and saw it was Wendy. Shit, what could the junkie whore want? Gloat about the fact that she was taking care of Able while Gemma wasn't even allowed to be in the same room as her grandson? She considered ignoring it but picked up anyway. After all, Wendy was useful from time to time. "Yeah?"

"Gemma?" Wendy asked. "I need your input on something."

"What is it?"

"I've got Juice here. Something went down between him and Jax, he is messed up. I want him to go to the hospital but he refuses. Says he doesn't want to get Jax in trouble. I would bring him to Tara but now she is gone I am at a loss. Any input?"

Cold fear spread through Gemma. "Why did Jax beat him up?"

"I don't know but it was bad. If Abel and I hadn't walked in on them, I am not sure Juice would have survived." She paused. "Jax said he wanted to speak to you, maybe he will tell you."

Now Gemma knew what had happened. She had to do something – fast. "Just tell him to put some ice on it," she said and hung up.

With the junkie whore dealt with she ordered her thoughts. Juice must have come clean to Jax. Damn his big brown heart! She should have put a bullet in him when she had had the chance. Jax would probably do this for her soon but probably after he killed her. Well, she wasn't going to wait here for him. When she dashed to her car she thought she could already hear the motorcycles approaching.

"She just hung up on me!" Wendy said in an indignant voice Juice found rather funny. He laughed but his injuries quickly made it clear that this was not a good idea at the moment. Jesus Christ, everything hurt! Jax really hadn't held anything back. It was probably a good thing that he wasn't around a mirror at the moment.

Wendy pushed an ice bag into his hand. Juice appreciated the gesture even if he wasn't sure which one of the countless bruises he should treat with it. His head was pounding and the thought he saw flickering lights from time to time, hinting at a concussion. But he was still alive. That was perhaps the most surprising thing at the moment. But he shouldn't celebrate yet. Juice was certain that Jax had only stopped because he didn't want to do beat him to death in front of Abel. Once the President got him alone, he would probably get a knife in the stomach. From his one eye that wasn't currently swelling shut he saw Wendy watching him shrewdly. "What the hell just happened?" she asked.

"I can't tell you," Juice said. "Club business. But I guess Jax will fill you in soon enough. "

"Are you in trouble?"

"Yeah," Juice replied. Now that the deed was done he felt strangely at peace. Like everything was neatly wrapped up. "You saved me for the moment but when he sees me again Jax will finish what he started."

"Dammit, Juice, you have to get out of town!" Wendy said. "Or go to the police or something. I am not waiting here for them to kill you!"

"I am done running. And despite what most people think, I am not a rat. Just get me home, okay? I don't think I should ride at the moment."

"Yeah, okay." Wendy said and he felt a rush of gratitude towards her. This might have been a good time to tell her the truth about him and Jax but he remained silent. It wasn't his secret to share.

It was the dead of night of the next day when Jax's long ride back from Oregon came to a close. It was hard for Jax to imagine that it had only been so long. In the last 24 hours he had found out who had really killed Tara, nearly murdered Juice and gone on a wild hunt for Gemma before finally killing both her and Unser in his grandfather's old house. Unser's death was unfortunate collateral damage but Jax guessed he had gone out as he had lived: a slave to Gemma. It was a pretty sad life, all things considered. Unser had spent decades pining for Gemma and his mother had mercilessly exploited this infatuation without ever giving him the goods – at least Jax hoped so, the thought was too disturbing to consider. While killing Unser had been easy if regrettable, Gemma had been a different matter entirely. Jax didn't think he could have done it if his mom hadn't more or less given him her blessing. Despite all her failings she had been his mother and murdering her was fucked up even for his standards. Unsurprisingly, his thoughts had been a turmoil for most of the ride here but now they were calmer, maybe even peaceful. He had done a lot of thinking and had come up with a solution that worked. Just a few things left to clean up.

The most pressing one was Juice. Jax had left things unfinished with him and loose ends had come to haunt him before. It was late and Jax could do with some sleep but he didn't want to wait till morning. So he steered his Harley to Juice's house, where the Puerto Rican was supposedly waiting for his judgment. He met Rat Boy outside – who was standing guard on his orders –, dodged all his questions and dismissed him. Then he opened the door with the key Rat Boy had given him – taken by force from Juice the day before. The house was dark and quiet – not surprising given the hour – but Jax saw light from the kitchen. In there he found Juice waiting for him. Despite the hour the Puerto Rican was fully dressed and seemed to be more or less awake. He sat at the kitchen table, a smoke in his hand. His face was mottled with bruises from the beating Jax had given him. He stood up when Jax entered, snuffing the smoke in the ashtray. "I heard a bike," he said. "Thought it had to be you."

He didn't seem to be afraid, Jax noted. He thought he recognized the expression on Juice's face: Here was someone who had made peace with his fate. "I'm just back from Oregon," Jax said. "I found Gemma."

"Is she dead?" Juice asked.

Jax nodded. "Unser too. He tried to stop me, I couldn't let that happen. I buried them together. Figured it was the only way Wayne would ever be with her."

Juice sighed. "Guess this only leaves me. Last end to tie up."

"That's why I'm here," Jax said. He had no weapons out but Juice could clearly see the knife at his hip. His blood-covered sneakers probably did the rest to give him a pretty grim appearance.

"I would ask for a quick and painless death but I guess we are past that. So let me just tell you this: I love you, Jax, and I am sorry it had to end this way."

Jax wandered the room, carefully not looking at Juice. "I thought a lot about your confession on the way back. You were protected and there was no way it would ever come out unless Gemma came clean – which was very unlikely. But you confessed to me anyway. Either you are nobler than I thought or you couldn't bear to live with it anymore and wanted out. That would explain why you didn't fight back." He stepped a closer, now studying the Puerto Rican intently. "Is that what you want, Juice? Peace? You tried twice before, this time I can make it happen for you. Quick and painless. You can even choose the spot."

A lot of different emotions wandered over Juice's face and for once Jax couldn't predict at all how he would react. He was certain that he was a least partly right about this but it was hard to tell how Juice's mind worked. Then the Puerto Rican spoke. "No, I don't want to die. I expected you to kill me for what I did but I couldn't bear the lies anymore. And I know I probably deserve it. So, no hard feelings if you finish me now."

"I won't," Jax said simply.

Juice looked at him with vast disbelieve. "You are sparing me? After killing Gemma?"

"Gemma killed Tara," Jax spat. "You just did some clean-up. You came clean to me, Gemma lied to my face. You gave me comfort, she just manipulated me. And who said killing her was easy?"

"Shit," Juice said, "I don't know what to say. Thanks, Jax." Then his face darkened again. "Wait, there is a price, right? You want something in exchange."

"Well, there is one thing you could do for me," Jax began.

Juice sighed. "Of course there is. What is it?"

"This," Jax said and bent down to kiss him. Juice responded eagerly but then pulled back and winced. Jax realized that the Puerto Ricans' face likely was too tender for this kind of stuff. "Shit, Juice, I am sorry. I thought you were up to it."

"I am," Juice said. "Just stay away from my face. And I can't give you head but my ass is still good."

Jax didn't need more encouragement. He lunged at Juice and more or less dragged him to the bedroom, trying to get as much clothing off as possible on the way. He had to get rid of all the pent up tension of the day and had no time to be gentle. Maybe a minute later he was spooning Juice on his bed, his cock buried deep inside the Puerto Rican's ass. Jax pounded him madly and the lack of preparation probably hurt Juice but the President was too agitated to slow down. It took all his restraint to avoid Juice's face and focus on his comparatively unharmed neck instead. But the little guy didn't complain, if anything he seemed to like it. "Harder, Jax," he moaned and Jax did just that. He knew there was no way this would be anything but a quick and rough fuck but that was okay. They both seemed to need that at the moment.

He had known he wouldn't last long but Juice actually beat him to it, spilling himself over his stomach – and the bed – before Jax came in his ass. When Jax pulled out, Juice turned around to look at him again. "That was not what I had expected when you came here."

"I guess you are happy to be wrong," Jax said, handing him some paper towels to clean himself up.

He felt drained. It had been a long and grueling day and he would like nothing more than to curl up with Juice and go to sleep. But he guessed they still had things to discuss. Juice seemed to read his mind. "So what happens now?" he asked.

"I can spare you the Mayhem," Jax said. "But I don't know if you can stay in SAMCRO. That's on Chibs to decide."

"Chibs? What does he have to do with anything?"

"Because tomorrow night he will be President," Jax said. "Not sure who will be the new VP."

"What are you talking about? What about you?"

"I will be gone by then," Jax said simply.

The words hung in the air for a moment, heavy with meaning. "Gone? What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"I can't go on like this. Not when so many people are dead because I blamed the wrong man for Tara's death. Not after seeing Abel suffer so much." He paused. "Not after killing my mother. I am not a good man, Juice. I can't watch my sons become the same twisted monster I am. Wendy and Nero are taking them up to the ranch tomorrow, I will make sure that they stay there. Wendy will raise them."

"Jesus," Juice said. "Are you sure about this?"

"Yeah," Jax said. "It hurts like hell but it is the only way. If they stay, they will be like me and I don't want this life for them. JT didn't even want it for me. I will succeed where he has failed. My club is almost safe, just a few things left to tie up. I will make sure the Sons are legit and I will make sure that my sons never want this life – even if this means leaving them."

He could tell that Juice was skeptical of this plan and couldn't really blame him. Picturing Wendy as a good mother wasn't easy but she had cleaned up her act in the last weeks. And it wasn't like Jax had a lot of alternatives. He knew it couldn't be him who raised them and Tara was dead.

"And what happens to you when everything is done?" Juice asked. "It sure sounds like you are searching a way out yourself. Are you going to kill yourself, Jax?"

This was uncomfortably close to the truth. Jax had strongly considered just making an end. It would have made a lot of things much easier. He wouldn't have to bury his mother, for instance. Or lie his ass off to the other Presidents about Jury – in the end, they had agreed on the compromise that he would step down as President if they would get rid of the no-blacks-allowed rule. Hell, he could probably just shoot Marks tomorrow instead of relying on the Niners to take him out. Jax didn't believe in God or any kind of afterlife, so he couldn't hope for Opie and Tara waiting for him on the other side. But he would be safe from the guilt of all the horrible things he had done. That had a certain appeal, especially since everything seemed to come to a close anyway. But in the end, he had chosen a different path. "No. I considered it but it doesn't feel right. Part of it is my kids. I want them to never even consider this life. For that to happen, they have to hate me. If I kill myself, they can project anything on me, build up this idealized picture of their badass, noble biker daddy just like I did with JT. It will pull them to the club like moths to a flame. And, as I said before, Sons don't kill themselves."

"So what are you going to do?"

"I can't stay in Charming anymore. Not with all the memories. I will grab my bike, some cash and go somewhere else. Maybe I can finally have the normal life Tara wanted for me. I will sell my house and most of my stuff here. Some of it will go to Wendy, some to the club, the rest will allow me to set myself up somewhere else. Far away from all this. Perhaps I will open a garage." He smiled. "Or a porn studio."

Juice smiled back. Something seemed to be on his mind but he was apparently unwilling to speak. It took a minute before Jax finally asked him what was up.

It was the late afternoon of the next day when Jax pulled up at TM. His brothers were already waiting for him. Seeing them made him realize how much he would miss this. He had been part of the club for so long it was hard to imagine living on his own again. But there was no other option, staying here would kill him. He got off his bike – the SAMCRO insignia on it would be overpainted soon – and walked over to them. Chibs hugged him. "Are you really certain about this, Jackie?" he asked when they parted. "I know you promised the other Presidents you would step down but that doesn't mean you have to leave."

"I have to, Chibs," Jax said. "I can't stay here anymore. Too many memories."

Chibs seemed to accept this and Jax was grateful for it. It would be a bad time to reconsider anyway. He had spent the day setting everything up, tearing it all done again would create a lot of fallout. It was amazing what he had gotten done in one day. He had set up the sale of most of his assets here, handled the custody shit, had come to an arrangement with the IRA – if you could count killing the Kings as one – and had ordered the Niners to take out Marks. Then he had met with Patterson and told her the truth about who killed Tara. He had spun the story to make it look like Gemma had killed Eli as well, making sure Juice wouldn't face any blowback from the law. The official truth was that Gemma had vanished before Jax could avenge his wife but he wasn't sure if Patterson believed this. It didn't matter anyway, he guessed. She wouldn't find Gemma anytime soon and he had hidden his tracks well. "Did you hear from Tyler? He should have met with Marks by now."

Chibs nodded. "Aye. It is taken care of. Marks is dead."

Jax exhaled. Good, everything tied up. "Then there is just one more thing." He removed his cut, laid it over his bike, cut off the President patch and handed it to Chibs. "Congratulations, brother."

Chibs took it hesitantly. "I wish I could change your mind."

"You can't. This is the way it has to end," Jax said. Truth be told, he still had his doubts about Chibs holding the Gavel but there wasn't any other suitable candidate. And it would likely get easier now that the club was finally going legit. "You hear anything from Nero and Wendy?"

"They checked in. Reached the farm okay. Wendy still seems to think it is only for a few days. What's up with that?"

"I told Nero to wait until I am gone before he breaks it to her. I need a clean break, Chibs. Only way this can be done."

"This is so messed up," Chibs said. "A father wanting his kids to hate him? I get where you are coming from Jackie but this is some crazy shit. Not sure if I can go along painting you as a monster."

"You might not have to," Jax said. "I told Nero they should take the boys away from Charming. Thomas might not even remember me. But if they come knocking you have to promise me you will push them away. They must never become like me. This is what JT wanted for me but failed to set up. I will not fail even if it hurts like hell."

Chibs started to speak when a new bike pulled up next to Jax's. His mouth fell open when he saw Juice dismount. "Son of a Bitch, what the hell is he doing here?"

Jax smiled. This could be fun to watch especially since Juice had heard him and for once did not shy away from a conflict with Chibs. "Jax asked me to come."

Chibs immediately rounded on Jax. "Really? What for?"

"He's coming with me."

Understanding dawned in Chibs's face – followed by obvious disapproval – but the others were understandably confused. "What for?" Tig asked.

"Do you want to kill him after all?" Happy asked. "We can do this for you, Pres."

"Nobody is killing anyone," Jax quickly said. "He is here because..." He stopped, fumbling with his words.

Juice stepped close to him. "Show, don't tell, Jax." Before Jax could say something Juice kissed him. Jax considered breaking the kiss for a moment but then decided not to. Instead, he visibly responded, making it clear to everyone that this was not one-sided. He could feel everyone staring at them and when Juice broke the kiss he could see pure disbelief on many faces.

"Holy shit!" Tig said. "You two are together?"

"Hot," Happy commented.

Jax laughed. Of course that guy liked it. The others were obviously embarrassed as hell but at least they didn't seem offended. Except Chibs, who looked mighty pissed about something.

"I need to talk to you," the Scot said to Juice and dragged him away from the others. Jax wanted to interfere but Puerto Rican stopped him with a look. Apparently, he wanted to do this on his own. Okay, he would say his good-byes in the meantime – and ignore any requests for gory details.

"Are you out of your bloody mind?" Chibs asked him when they were out of earshot.

"I thought you wanted me to get out of Charming," Juice said, deliberately playing dumb.

"Not as Jackie's goddam sex toy!" Chibs said, exasperated. "I wanted you to get out of this fucked-up mess. Not get deeper into it."

"You don't understand Chibs, I lo..."

"If you say you love him, I'm gonna punch you in the face."

"Jax already did," Juice said dryly, indicating his messed up face. His injuries had improved somewhat but he still looked horrible.

"This is exactly why I want you away from him," Chibs hissed. "Why do you want to be with someone who does this to you?"

"You mean beating me up? Like you tried to do all those weeks ago? You know, the night where Jax first fucked me."

Chibs at least had the decency to look ashamed. "Please, Juicy. Help me understand. Where does this come from?"

Juice sighed. He wasn't really keen on an intense heart-to-heart but he guessed he owed Chibs an explanation. The guy had his faults but he had tried to help before. "It was my idea, you know. Jax visited me yesterday, told me he was going to leave and pardoned me for my help in finding the truth – and I guess my blowjobs." When Chibs did not laugh Juice went on. "He said he would spare me the mayhem and that I could rejoin SAMCRO if you allowed it. The way we were standing, I did not like these chances."

"Jesus, Juice. You are not doing this to get away from me, are you? I will take you back in a heartbeat, if you think that helps you. Things should settle down here, a good time to come back."

Despite his misgivings, Juice was touched by the offer. But he had made up his mind. "Thanks, Chibs, I really appreciate it. But it is not the same now. Almost everyone I knew in here is dead. And the new members will always know me as the messed up rat who only lived because Jax liked his ass."

"That's not true."

"You know it is. You, Hap and Tig might know better but what are the others supposed to think? Rat Boy only knew me a short while before all the Cartel shit went down. The others have just arrived a few weeks ago. And then there is all the shit I've done. My hands might not be as bloody as Jax's but they are dark red as well. I need to get away from all this. Like you told me before."

"I understand that you want to go, Juice," Chibs said. "But leaving with Jax? You think he will be good for you? He used you, raped you and nearly killed you. I love this guy like a brother but what he did to you is horrible."

Juice took Chibs's outrage with a fucking mountain of salt, considering that Chibs himself had wanted to beat him up and demanded his exile from the club. But of course the question was valid. "Things have changed since then. I know you don't believe it but it is true. And I can't give up him and the club at the same time. Who knows, maybe Jax and I can help each other with all the bad shit we have been through. I don't really know if I'm his Old Lady, his boyfriend or just a brother with massive benefits but I think we have a good thing going at the moment. I would tell you more but I doubt you could handle the gory details."

Chibs turned his head away, clearly conflicted. "Shit, Juice."

"Please, Chibs, just let me do this. I promise you it is the right thing to do."

"Goddammit, fine. But if he gives you shit, you tell me."

Juice smiled. "I will. I doubt you will see Jax anytime soon but I might pass through a few times. Check on the club. And keeping up to date on Wendy might be good as well. She did well those last week but better to be safe than sorry."

"The suicidal lover counselling the junkie mom," Chibs mused. "Sounds like a very healthy setup."

"Says the guy who watched his wife fuck his most hated enemy for years."

"Well, you got me there."

"Juice!" Jax called. "Come on!"

"Guess duty calls," Juice said. "Good luck, Pres."

Chibs hugged him. "Good luck, you little shit."

Jax smiled when he saw the two of them embracing. Guess they had Chibs's approval. Not that he would let the Scot mess it up but it was good that he had come around. Forcing him to stand down would really screw up the departure. Now he guessed everything was ready. He adjusted the pack on his back one last time. It was surprisingly light considering he wanted to start a new life. He had put most of his stuff into storage – including three quarters of his wardrobe since he didn't want to start his new life in SAMCRO-themed shirts – and only taken the necessities for the time being. Maybe he would get some of his old stuff once he had settled down somewhere. Or he would just leave it as he had done with his rings.

He handed his cut to Happy. "Keep it safe, Hap. I don't think I will need it anymore but just in case. And you guys take care of JT's bike."

"Sure thing, Pres," Happy said, apparently not yet used to his new status.

Chibs and Juice joined them. "You will both be members of SAMCRO," Chibs said to him and Juice. "But you are retired and cannot vote on anything until we fully patch you in again. You can keep the ink but no cuts and no profits other than Jackie's porn share. I hate to see you go and hope that we will see each other again."

"Maybe we will," Jax said even if he doubted it. He would need a long break from Charming.

"If anyone asks why you left, I will tell them you abandoned your kids to fuck your Puerto Rican boy toy," Chibs said.

Jax laughed. "Perfect, Chibs. I doubt my kids will find anything noble in this explanation."

"If they see pictures of me they will wonder why it took you so long," Juice joked.

"I just have to ask," Tig said. "Who is the bottom?"

"Jax obviously," Juice said. Jax shot him a furious look.

Chibs stuffed his VP patch into Tig's hand. "Shut up and put this on, idiot. You have to be a leader now."

This had to be a joke. The stupid, trigger-happy pervert as Vice President? Sure, they weren't a lot of good candidates left standing but Tig? Jesus, Jax would have made Juice VP before that. The only reason Tig was still breathing was that Jax had been short on bodies. Otherwise he would have ended the asshole for the role he had played in Opie's death. But it was Chibs's club now and he wouldn't get involved. "Good choice. Well, I guess this is it then."

A couple of embraces later he climbed on his bike next to Juice. The idea of riding into the sunset with him was still weird. It should be Tara and his kids by his side or maybe Opie – even if the guy had never liked him that way. His affair with Juice was a dark reflection of these earlier, more wholesome relationships but Jax guessed it fit to his life. And he had to admit it helped even if the start of their affair pained him. Having Juice close would be a great help, easing the solitude and giving him someone to talk to – someone who would understand. And of course someone to fuck through the mattress every day.

Once they hit the road, his thoughts started to clear up. When they passed the town sign, Jax felt like a massive weight had suddenly been lifted from him. It was over. No more enemies to kill. No more secrets to hide. No more violence. No more dead daddy shit. Free. He was finally free.

A/N: After "Red Rose" I feared the worst for the series finale only to be very pleasantly surprised. I think Kurt found a great way to tie up the series and make it seem like one big arc for Jax and his family. Jax went out quite nicely in the show even if I could have done with a bit less symbolism. I think having him leave Charming and the club after shipping off his kids would have been a good alternative (nothing really required him to die) but the final episode was still excellent, even if the rest of the season dropped the ball pretty hard.

So, where did this leave me? Well, I thought Jax giving up his kids to save them from the life was a great idea and wanted to keep it this way for this story as well. Everything else was up to debate. Besides the current ending, I considered Jax killing Juice after the revelation, Jax sparing Juice but dying himself and Jax putting Juice out of his misery with varying degrees of seriousness. In the end, I went for a more cheerful ending that I guess most of you guys (at least those who left feedback) wanted anyway. I was (and I guess, still am) worried about it being too sappy for the rest of the story but I think balanced it correctly. Feedback on is of course always welcome.

I thank you all for reading and hope you enjoyed it. I will take a break from fan fiction for some time. But I will stick around to read and leave feedback wherever wanted. And if you have any suggestions for new stories with my usual pairings, leave a comment and I might get back to it.

Merry Christmas and a happy new year 2015 to all of you.