Author's Note: If you like music while you're reading, I recommend Lemon Demon's "Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny". It just kept playing in my head while I wrote parts of this.
Disclaimer: Ranma 1/2 is the creation of Rumiko Takahashi and ...Honestly, I'm not sure who owns Tenchi Muyo anymore, really... each being used for entertainment purposes without permission or intent to profit.
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"Chibified"
'Royal Rumble'
By J.T. Magnus, 'Turbo'
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"Let's get it on!" - Mills Lane, 'Celebrity Deathmatch'.
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It was a normal, sunny day in Nerima; which is to say that all hell was breaking loose, because without the rain to drive the Jusenkyo-cursed indoors there were no limits to the insanity that could happen. On rainy days, ducks could chase cats, piglets could attack pig-tailed girls, and sometimes even creatures that looked like they belonged in a Minoan labyrinth could show up and start fighting geriatric panty-thieves. Sunny days were much worse. Sunny days, in their own ways, were worse than 'dark and stormy' nights for being a prelude to trouble, because everyone expects bad things to happen on 'dark and stormy' nights, but they unconsciously relax and let their guards down on warm, dry, sunny days, leaving them wide open for things to get...
Interesting.
If such a word could be used to describe the current situation in the streets of Nerima without it being considered a massive understatement. Except for the so-called 'adults' and Pantyhose Taro, it seemed as though anyone that might be considered a 'member in 'good' standing' of the Nerima Wrecking Crew had ended up involved in a brawl-for-it-all in the middle of the neighborhood. No one would ever be sure in the aftermath how it started, but it's almost certain that cries of "Ranma, prepare to die!" were involved. Even fighters that rarely matched up against each other were facing off; Shampoo had attacked Akane with her trademark battlecry of "Obstacles are for killing!" only for Kuno to come to the defense of his 'Fierce Tigeress' against the 'Chinese Assassin', resulting in Mousse launching a counter-offensive against the 'Noble Scion of Kuno' for daring to harm 'his' Shampoo; Konatsu and Sasuke were pitted against each other in an epic battle of ninja skill when the cross-dressing 'kunoichi' defended Ukyo against Kodachi only to be confronted by the Kunos' shinobi retainer; and some fights were to be expected, like Akane and Ryoga both attacking Ranma for their usual reasons, 'seeing hell' and 'Stop picking on poor Ryoga'.
And on the sidelines, miniturised versions of Ranma's two forms - Chibi-puppets created by his grandmother 'The Greatest and Cutest Scientist in The Universe' - sat behind a fold-up table with microphones on it, giving anyone who wanted to listen the play-by-play of the day.
The male Chibi-puppet shook his head, "Kuno, Ryoga, Mousse, Kodachi, Shampoo, Ukyo, Akane, the list goes on; everybody seems to be getting in on this fight..."
"Holy Hannah, you know what this means, Chibi-ma?" The female puppet announced excitedly, "We've got an unscheduled Survivor Series breaking out here, folks!"
"Are you sure about that?"
"It's either a Survivor Series or Royal Rumble here, Chibi-ma; either way, it's gonna be a real slobber-knocker of a fight!"
"Sometimes, I really wonder about you, Chibi-ko..."
"Don't 'wonder' too far, you might get lost," Chibi-ko informed her partner, only for them to seconds later have to throw themselves to the sides as a previously airborne Mousse came crashing down on their table, helped on his way by Kodachi's ribbon, and broke it in two.
"Oh, that's it, I'm putting these kids down," Chibi-ko cracked her knuckles and stood up, "No one disrespects the Queen like this."
Chibi-ma shook his head, muttering to himself, "At least she isn't demanding that we call her 'Princess' - one of those is enough for the entire galaxy."
Kuno was the first to notice Chibi-ko's entry into the actual fight and reached the same conclusion he had ever since the first time the female Chibi-puppet had appeared in Nerima.
"Forsooth, fair pig-tailed maiden!" the delusional kendoist announced, turning his attention from his latest 'challenge' to date Akane, "For I shall defeat the foul sorceror Saotome and in doing so force him to free your soul from this doll in which he has imprisoned you! Thus says the Blue Thunder!"
"Kuno-baby," Chibi-ko borrowed Nabiki's usual term of address for the upperclassman with a smirk on her face as she closed in on him, "I could just flip over that."
There's a lot of sayings about size; 'big things come in small packages', 'it's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog', 'the bigger they are, the harder they fall'... Chibi-ko proved there was plenty of truth in them when she threw herself into a backflip, using the motion and momentum to catch Kuno in a certain area with enough force to knock him a few inches into the air before he fell backwards onto the ground, cringing in pain.
"Such betrayal..." Kuno whimpered.
"Stupid little chibi-thing," Akane snarled as she summoned her mallet, "Who said you could interfere in my fight!"
When Akane swung her mallet intending to smash Chibi-ko, it was a mistake. It was a mistake born of foolish assumption; Akane assumed that because Chibi-ko - and Chibi-ma, for that matter - looked like Ranma, she would react the same as Ranma did and simply let the violent maniac hit her. It was a mistake because Ranma had been raised by Genma, but Chibi-ko had been based on Ranma with additions to her personality from Nodoka, Ryoko and of course Washu-chan that meant she did not always handle things the same way her Ranma-kun would. In this case, she had no intention of letting Akane just hit her and certainly none of letting the attack go unanswered.
Instead, Chibi-ko rolled to the side away from the mallet and then launched herself towards Akane before the mallet's wielder could recover from her swing. With her arm out to the side, Chibi-ko caught Akane by surprise with a lariat, but instead of knocking her opponent backwards, Chibi-ko ended up swinging around Akane's neck back to her front side and twisting so that she could lock her legs on either side of Akane's head and neck before using Akane's over-reached position and her's own momentum to send the youngest Tendo flying face-first into the ground five feet away.
"And Chibi-ko introduces Akane's face to the ground with a devastating 'HurricanRanma'," Chibi-ma announced after pulling his microphone from the ruined pile of table and martial artist., causing Mousse to frown at the chibi puppet.
"Shouldn't that be Hurricanrana'?" The male Chinese Amazon asked from his prone position, having decided it safer just to 'play dead'.
"Have you forgotten we're chibi-Ranmas?" Chibi-ma pointed out sarcastically.
"Where does he keep you, anyway?" Mousse wondered as Chibi-ko stood up and cracked her neck, making a comment to Akane that neither he nor Chibi-ma could make out from their location.
"That's none of your business, alright," Chibi-ma snapped, just before seeing one of the fighters coming up on his 'sister' from behind, "Excuse me..."
Sasuke had managed to best Konatsu and now had his ninja-to raised to strike at Chibi-ko when he found out that 'pick on someone your own size' works just as well on short people after Chibi-ma tapped him on the shoulder, waited for him to turn, then gave him a knee to face special. As the ninja dropped groaning to the grounds, Chibi-ko turned around and looked at her 'brother'.
"I'd have had him if you'd've given me one more minute," she snorted.
"Yeah, and there's also a saying about frogs having wings," Chibi-ma pointed out.
"Oh-hohoho!" The 'Black Rose' announced her presence as she lept over other combatants to land before the two Chibi-puppets, "You'd dare to defile the face of my beloved by siding with this miniature harridan to assault my retainer?"
Chibi-ko looked at Chibi-ma and flatly asked a question, "'Blue Thunder', 'Black Rose', so does this mean when I kick her ass I'll have beaten the Kunos black and blue?"
Chibi-ma groaned, "That was bad, 'Ko, that was bad."
"Hoho!" Kodachi laughed, "Unlike my foolish brother, you'll find I'm not so easily defeated!"
Chibi-ma looked at Chibi-ko and cocked his head to the side, "Double-whammy?"
Chibi-ko gave a sharp nod, "You're on!"
Chibi-ko ran towards Chibi-ma, who knit his fingers together to form a cradle that Chibi-ko stepped in as he turned and tossed her into the air, up and over Kodachi, only to put out her feet and 'land' on and kick back off from an airborne Ryoga - coincidently, throwing him off from launching his 'rain of bandannas' attack that had once cost Akane her long hair - to come flying back towards Kodachi. While Chibi-ko was in the air, Chibi-ma was on the ground, running towards Kodachi until he did a half-flip followed by a handspring into a torpedo kick that took the Martial Arts Rhythmic Gymnast in the stomach at the same time as his 'sister' caught her from behind with Chibi-ko's second lariat of the fight, causing Kodachi's weight to shift sending her face first into the ground with Chibi-ko on top of her as Chibi-ma tucked and rolled out from underneath.
"Why, you little..." Kodachi spat out dirt as the Chibis made their ways to opposite sides of her head and as soon as she had lifted her body up off the ground, they caught the female Kuno's head in between two kicks from opposing sides - essentially 'boxing her ears' with their feet - which was one blow too much and caused her to collapse back to the ground unconscious.
"Ranma-kun's a good man, he's got a good heart," Chibi-ma said to the unconscious Kuno girl, "He doesn't hit girls..."
Chibi-ko tugged on her own mini-version of Ranma-kun's Chinese-style shirt, "That's what he's got me for now."
Ranma-kun himself would have tried to stop what happened next, but by the time he had finished putting Ryoga down for the count and turned his attention to the other standing combatants, it was already too late, pride had carried too far and Ukyo and Shampoo had called a truce with each other and were instead standing side-by-side glaring at Ranma's chibi-puppets.
"You're not getting us like that, and I'm going to enjoy taking you puppets apart," Ukyo pronounced, "I don't know what his grandmother's problem is, but I'm the only girl Ranma-honey needs in his life, got it?"
"Shampoo think Spatula-Girl think crazy things," Shampoo did something that would have made Happosai very happy - if he wasn't her Great-Grandfather - to make sure everyone's attention was focused where she wanted it, on her figure, "This all woman Airen needs, not too-too-flat chested crossdresser."
"Give them five minutes and they'll be back fighting each other," Chibi-ma joked.
"Give me two minutes," Chibi-ko growled, "And they'll be too unconscious to fight anyone."
"Just try it," Ukyo snarled, tightening her grip on her battle spatula before lunging forward towards the Chibi-puppets.
"No! Ucchan, don't!" Ranma shouted, but it was too late...
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Two and a half minutes later, standing over a defeated duo of Ukyo and Shampoo, Chibi-ma raised Chibi-ko's hand into the air, "The winners - and still Tag Team Champions of the Nerima Wrecking Crew..."
"Chibified!" Chibi-ko announced loudly.
Ranma stared at them, not sure what to think, then finally he muttered, "Granny... what have you created?"