Growing Pains- Chapter 12

Next chapter coming up! Again, this is the last chapter until Monday, as I am going away to Barcelona tomorrow morning.

Disclaimer: see Chapter 1

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Elrond carefully looked over his unconscious son, pushing the emotions of a father firmly out of the way, and trying to maintain the detached mind of a healer.

Even with all his efforts, he was feeling the flutter of worry in his chest. But actually, as he examined the gash in Elrohir's temple, the worry was replaced with something akin to relief. Not quite, because it was hard to feel relief when your son was unconscious and injured, but at least it was not as bad as it could have been.

The room was still tense though, holding its breath as Elrond continued his work. Estel was leaning against the wall, watching as Elrond began to stitch up the gash. Quiet talk filled the room as Elladan and Legolas took it in turns to explain briefly what happened and how Elrohir was injured, but Estel tried to zone it all out. He didn't want to relive it again- he had been doing so in his head for a while now. Instead, he focused on his father's steady hand, and the rhythmic stitch of the needle and thread.

After what seemed like an age, long after Elladan and Legolas had fallen silent, Elrond finished, wrapping the bandages around Elrohir's head and standing up from the bed. Elladan's eyes followed him up, and for what was probably the first time since Elrohir had fallen to the forest ground, his face was worried.

Elrond smiled a little. "Do not worry, ion," he said softly. His eyes drifted back to his son, lying still in the bed, and he felt the cruelty again of having to tend to his own wounded son.

"He will be alright?" The question came from Legolas' lips, who looked a little surprised that they had uttered it. Elrond nodded.

"Head wounds bleed a lot. I taught you that long ago, Elladan, so do not worry. He has a bad concussion from the blow, and will probably not wake until tomorrow, but he will be fine, given time."

Elladan seemed to visibly relax, slumping back slightly on the bed. He didn't say anything, just nodded at Elrond. Elrond smiled slightly and turned to leave.

Estel felt his father's eyes fall on him and tried not to squirm under his gaze. Behind them, Elladan had risen and found a chair, moving to sit beside Elrohir's bedside. He was soon joined by Legolas, who seemed to be limping a little on his injured ankle. Elrond's uncanny ability to sense an injury kicked in, and he looked over at Legolas.

"I shall look at your ankle in a minute, penneth," he said softly. Legolas nodded, but his eyes remained on Elrohir. Elrond turned back to look at Estel.

Estel nearly broke then and there under his father's gaze. There was nothing particularly frightening or threatening about it, but still it made Estel's stomach churn, and he found himself unable to look up at his father and meet his eyes.

"Outside, Estel," said Elrond softly. Again, his voice was not menacing in the slightest, but still the words made the guilt that was already churning Estel's stomach rise up his throat and make him feel like he was going to be sick. He nodded mutely and slipped out of the door, trying to be as quiet as he could, as if he could hide away and not have to face what was coming.

Once outside the room, Elrond walked a little way down the corridor before stopping. Estel came after him, his feet strangely independent of his thoughts as they took him down the hallway. He stopped opposite his father and cautiously raised his head.

His eyes found the always calm and deep eyes of Elrond, and his father watched him for a moment. "Estel-" began Elrond.

"I'm sorry!" The words blurted out of Estel's mouth and suddenly all the guilt and fear and worry for Elrohir spilled over and all the words simply came rushing out.

"I'msorryI'm sorryI'msorryadar,IreallyamsorryandIdidn'tmeanforthisandI'msorryand-"

"Estel."

Estel's mouth clamped shut abruptly and he looked up, almost afraid to do so, which was of course absurd because it was his father, but then Elrohir was hurt because of him and was unconscious because of him and Elladan was angry at him and maybe Elrond was to, and Legolas possibly, though Estel didn't know the elf well enough to tell, and it was all his fault and-

"Estel, look at me."

Estel's eyes drew up, and to his surprise he found deep worry and concern etched across Elrond's face, rather than anger. Elrond sighed.

"Do you know how worried I was when we found you had gone? Glorfindel almost rode out on his own without any weapons or supplies. I almost did the same. Do you have any idea how much you frightened me, ion?"

To Estel's horror, he felt hot tears fill his eyes and then begin to slide down his cheeks. He wiped furiously at them. "I'm sorry Adar, I really am, I'm really sorry, I never meant for any of this to happen."

"I know," said Elrond softly. "I know why you did it. I know you wanted to prove to your brothers and to yourself that you were ready for this. I know you now blame yourself. I am not going to tell you that none of this is your fault, because you are smarter than that. I taught you better than that, ion. But things do go wrong in fights, and people do get hurt. This may have happened regardless of whether you had shown up."

"Will-" Estel's voice felt thick, and he tried again, the tears still rolling down his cheeks despite his efforts to stop them. "Will he be alright?"

"He will," said Elrond gently. "And he will not think any less of you for this. Neither will Elladan, once he knows Elrohir will be alright. You were wrong, Estel, and you know that. But you were wrong for the right reasons."

Estel merely nodded, and Elrond's expression softened. "Ai ion," he murmured, drawing Estel into an embrace. "When did you get so tall?"

Estel shrugged, tightening his arms around the solid, dependable figure of his father, and for a moment he felt again like a child, running to his father when a nightmare woke him, and all it took was for Elrond's arms and a soft word or two to calm him down.

It would take a lot more than that now. The guilt was still there, but now only gnawing, rather than tearing huge chunks from him. And he would learn. He was determined now, not to prove himself, but to make sure that nothing like this could happen again- that someone would never again he hurt because they were worried about him, because he wasn't good enough.

He would get better.

Elrond gently pulled back from Estel. "Come back inside. I want to look at your arm and redo the cast. That's another thing. What were you thinking, riding out already injured? Promise me you will never do that again."

Estel had barely opened his mouth when Elrond shook his head. "Actually don't promise me that."

"What?" asked Estel. "Why not?"

"Because I know at some point you will break that promise if you make it," said Elrond. "At some time you will have no option to go into battle with injuries, or no sleep, or no idea what it is you are doing. The Valar only know how many times your brothers, or Legolas, for that matter, have done it. But at some point it will be necessary, if you are to follow in your brothers' footsteps."

Estel nodded a little, mainly so Elrond would leave the matter alone. He knew, of course, that he would follow in his brothers' footsteps, would eventually join the Dunedain Rangers to hunt and fight with them. He knew he would eventually leave the haven of Imladris. It just wasn't something he really wanted to dwell on.

Elrond held the door open and Estel walked back inside, his gaze instantly going to the still form of Elrohir in the bed. Someone, almost definitely Elladan, and maybe Legolas as well, had changed him out of the mud-covered, bloody clothes he had been wearing. He looked more comfortable now.

Legolas glanced up as the doors opened, and a hint of a smile came over his face as he saw Estel sit down at the table and put his arm, the one in a cast out in front of him for Elrond to look at. Estel smiled back, hoping that maybe if Legolas was being friendly, or at least not unfriendly, then maybe Elladan had cooled down a little. He looked over at his brother.

Elladan met his gaze, his eyes blank steel. Without a word, he looked away again.

Estel's eyes dropped back to the table. For the entire time Elrond cut away and re-plastered the cast, he sat in silence. Eventually Elrond was finished, and began to tidy up the table. He gently rested a hand on Estel's shoulder.

"Make sure to get some sleep, ion. If not in your own room, there are plenty of beds in here." Estel nodded, but stayed slumped in the chair. Elrond sighed slightly.

"Legolas, let me look at that ankle," he said, turning away from Estel and towards the blond elf. He smiled slightly at the innocent look on Legolas' face. "I know you have made it worse, penneth."

Legolas pulled a slight grimace, got up and sat down on the edge of the next bed over from Elrohir, swinging his injured leg up onto the bed. Elrond pulled up a chair and sat down, cutting away the mud-covered and bloody bandages covering Legolas' ankle.

Legolas hissed as they were pulled away, and Elrond winced at the reddened skin covered in deep cuts. "It is beginning to become infected," he said, gently examining the cuts in the skin. "I can clean the wounds out, but it may be a day or so before the infection leaves."

Legolas nodded. He looked like he had heard similar things before, and Estel guessed that he probably had. "Just do it," he murmured. "It's not like I will be going anywhere anyway."

Elrond nodded, and quickly collected the supplies he needed. The room was silent again, Estel slumped in the chair beside the table, Elladan sitting by the bed where Elrohir lay, and Legolas, lying back on the bed, his face paling as Elrond began his work. The occasional hiss of pain from Legolas, or the tired shifting of Estel in his chair, were the only things that broke the silence. The chair was making his back ache.

Finally Elrond finished, wrapping clean white bandages around Legolas' ankle. "Stay off of it," he warned Legolas. "I will send someone with clean clothes for all of you."

Legolas' eyes flickered over to Elrohir, and then to Elladan, sitting absolutely still in his chair. "Thank you," he said softly.

Elrond smiled softly. "Make sure to get some rest," he said. "You as well, ion," he added, addressing Elladan. Elladan didn't even look up at his father's words, and Elrond held back a sigh, dropping one hand on his son's shoulder and squeezing softly.

"I'll make sure he does," said Legolas softly. Elladan glared slightly at Legolas, who simply stared back, the hint of a smile turning up the corner of his mouth. Elrond smiled a little at the determined look on Legolas' face.

"Get some rest," said Elrond again. "Glorfindel should have returned by morning as well."

"Where is he?" asked Estel, raising his head from where he had pillowed it on his arms. He didn't remember seeing or hearing Glorfindel ride out once they were back, though he had been a little distracted.

"He rode out after you," said Elrond, a little pointedly. "I'm surprised you didn't meet him on your way back."

Estel shook his head. "We came back by the shortest routes Elladan knows. Even I don't know them."

Elrond nodded. "Well, he will be back soon, I hope. In the meantime, get some sleep."

Estel and Legolas both nodded, and Elladan, as was becoming customary, simply sat in silence. Elrond smiled softly, and then the door swung shut behind him.

There was silence.

Legolas lay back on the bed, his injured ankle propped up on a folded blanket. Estel could see the restless movements and slight shivering that heralded the start of a fever. It wouldn't be serious though. Estel had been taught enough by his father to know that.

Estel looked over at Elladan. His brother sat slumped in his chair, resting his elbows on his knees. His gaze didn't seem to leave Elrohir, and Estel had to look hard to see him blink. And then Estel felt the gnawing guilt nibble a little deeper into him, and he stood up.

"Elladan." It wasn't a question, and Elladan glanced up at the forceful tone to Estel's statement.

"Elladan, I'm sorry."

Elladan sighed slightly. He had been expecting this. "Not now, Estel."

What Elladan didn't expect what Estel's response to this. To be fair, Estel hardly expected it himself. He had, after all, spent most of his childhood following his brothers, trying to be just like them. Fights between them were rare, and often over petty things that were resolved quickly.

"No," he said firmly, and everyone in the room, with the exception of Elrohir, turned to look at him.

"Estel, I do not want to do this now," began Elladan, his voice carefully restrained. "Just leave it be and leave us alone."

"I said no," said Estel, unsure of where this new bravado was coming from. Maybe it was some leftover adrenaline suddenly making itself known, but he couldn't seem to stop the words from coming out of his mouth.

"I'm sorry, Elladan, I really am. You know I never wanted any of this to happen, and-"

"Then why, for the love of the Valar, did you follow us?" shouted Elladan. His voice was no longer restrained, now the cutting edge of steel as his eyes locked on Estel. "What possessed you to do so, with a broken arm and no idea, none at all, of what you were doing? Don't you realise what could have happened?"

"I was foolish, I know," said Estel, trying to keep his voice calm.

"Foolish doesn't even begin to describe it!" shouted Elladan. "Don't you-"

"Elladan." The voice was Legolas', and it had a low, warning tone to it. Elladan glowered at the blond elf, but subsided, sinking back into his chair.

"Just leave, Estel," he said.

"No," said Estel again. "I know this is all my fault. I know you blame me for all of this, for Elrohir's injury and everything that went wrong. I know-"

Elladan let out a mirthless chuckle. "You think that is why I am angry, Estel?" he asked. "Ai Valar, you have no idea."

Estel crossed his arms, coming to stand at the end of Elrohir's bed. "Then tell me," he said stubbornly, glaring at Elladan. "Because something has certainly made you angry, and I am pretty sure I have something to do with it. So tell me."

Elladan's gaze softened minutely. "I forgot how stubborn you could be," he murmured. "But I'm not explaining it all to you, Estel not now."

"Now," said Estel. "I am not leaving whatever you do, Elladan, and don't try and force me." He glared stubbornly at Elladan, and Elladan gazed defiantly back. Legolas, watching from where he lay on the bed, noticed the similarity between the two, even though they were not related. Both had the same set jaw, the same grey eyes that wouldn't budge. Even their hair was the same colour, though Estel's was shorter and far more tangled than Elladan's long black hair could ever be.

Legolas sighed. "Tell him, Elladan."

Their gaze broke, and Elladan looked over at Legolas, surprise on his face. "What?"

"Explain it," Legolas repeated, his voice tired. His ankle was hurting and he was feeling cold and he knew if Elladan did not talk now, then he probably wouldn't talk for a while. Besides, he thought that they owed Estel the truth, at least.

Elladan ground his teeth for a moment, and then turned back to Estel. "Fine," he said bitterly. "You want to know why I am angry?"

Estel nodded, and Elladan, his eyes defiant, crossed his arms as he began. "Yes, I am angry at you. You shouldn't have been there. Right now, I am finding it very, very hard to not blame you for all of this. You know why. You blame yourself for it as well, little brother."

"But still, I don't blame you for all of it. Some of it, yes, but not all. Bad things can happen. People can make mistakes, or other things can happen, and others get hurt because of it. It happens. I know that, and I know that what we do comes with a risk. Elrohir might have been hurt regardless of whether you were there or not. You being there certainly made it more likely, but still."

"Then what else is it?" asked Estel.

Elladan gritted his teeth. "You have no idea, Estel. You have never, ever had to watch the world sliding back into darkness again. I am angry because we cannot seem to stop it, and because once more, things went wrong. I can't even protect my own brother. And I am angry at you because you don't seem to get that we are trying to protect you! Elbereth, we are trying to keep you safe, Estel, and all you do is ride out after us so you can try and prove yourself, so you can just throw everything we try and do for you in our faces."

Elladan sat back in his chair. "There," he said. "That is why I am angry."

Estel was silent for a moment, as he ran it through in his head. Then he glared at Elladan once more. "Ai Valar, Elladan," he said quietly. "You really think that? You think I am just throwing it back at you, all those years that you have spent protecting me? I am not a child anymore, Elladan! I may not be grown-up, and I may not think things through sometimes, or act foolishly, but I am not a child that needs sheltering from everything! Despite what has happened today, haven't I shown that? Haven't I proved that already?"

"Ai Valar! I am growing up, Elladan, and you have to stop, you and Elrohir, stop protecting me like I am the small child that you once knew. In case you haven't forgotten, I am mortal. I am not going to live forever, and I do not have time to grow up slowly, because I will be dead in a little while, at least to you. So back off."

There was silence in the room again. Estel's gaze dropped away, first to Elrohir, lying still in the bed, and then to the floor. Elladan sat in his chair, tight-lipped, his jaw clenched.

Legolas sighed from where he lay, having been quiet and simply watched the man and elf argue it out. And still it was not over. It would not be over until Elrohir was awake and coherent, and both Estel and Elladan were able to relax a little. But he reckoned there would be more arguments to come.

"I think that is enough for tonight," Legolas said, keeping his voice light. "Estel, you need to get some sleep. Elladan, I can't force you to do anything, but I will remind you of the time when you did not rest for days when Elrohir was hurt and in here, and eventually your father had to secretly slip you a sleeping draught, so get some rest."

Estel smiled at that, but the smile quickly dropped. He grabbed a blanket from the end of one of the beds and moved over to the bed on the other side of Elrohir to Legolas.

Elladan looked over his shoulder. He didn't look so much angry as unbelievably weary now. "Go to your own room, Estel," he said, his voice blank. "Leave us alone for a little while."

Estel stubbornly sat down on the edge of the bed, pulling off his shoes. He lay down on the bed, pulling the blanket over him and being careful of the arm in the cast. He shook his head at Elladan. "He's my brother too."

To Be Continued...

I think Elrond is just so relieved Estel is alright, given who he is, that he cannot be as angry as he may like to be. Besides, he probably knows that Elladan is angry enough for the both of them. Who's siding with Estel in this, or is everyone with Elladan?