Growing Pains- Chapter 15

Next chapter coming right up! This one is a little shorter than usual because otherwise it would be super long and wouldn't work as well,and also I didn't want to do all of this bit in one go. So sorry for that, but on the plus side it means more chapters, so I have more time to write the story I am working on, so that when this story is over, there will be less of a wait for the next one.

By the way, the next story sort of follows this one, in a very vague way. It is Aragorn and Legolas, after the War, with Faramir and Arwen and Eowyn, and especially my OC Belhadron, mixed in as well. Should be filled with angst!

Disclaimer: see Chapter 1

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Estel's eyes blinked open blearily. He hated sleeping so much, as often happened when he was ill. And as much as he liked getting the rest, over a day of near constant sleeping became irritating. He felt like he was missing out on most of the day.

Yawning, his jaw clicking as it stretched, Estel rolled onto his back. It was darker now, around twilight, and there was only one torch burning on the opposite wall. There should be more torches in here, though.

Estel grimaced and sat up, running a hand through his hair to at least attempt to tame it. He looked over at the beds next to him, wondering if either Elladan or Legolas were awake. He knew Legolas was still feeling the effects of a slight fever, and hoped the blond elf was better than the last time he had been awake.

He turned his head, and then suddenly froze, the breath in his mouth just stopping.

Elrohir gave a wan smile from where he was half sat up in his bed.

"Elrohir," breathed Estel. "Elbereth, you're awake."

Elrohir smiled, but his face was still far too pale and he looked exhausted, dark circles under his eyes. "Are you alright, Estel?" he asked, his voice rasping in his throat.

"Am I alright? Ai Valar, I'm fine!" replied Estel. "I should be asking you! How do you feel?"

Elrohir paused for a moment. "Fine," he said, and his eyes flickered over to where Elladan and Legolas were.

Estel only noticed them now, sitting on the end of Elrohir's bed. Legolas was looking far better, and Estel suspected the fever had broken sometime after he had fallen asleep, but still the blond elf had his ankle propped up carefully in front of him. And Elladan…

Elladan had a smile on his face that Estel only realised now had been missing for the past few days. It was like he had forgotten, with everything that had happened, that his brother could smile. And now, with Elrohir's announcement that he was fine, the smile grew, and both Elladan and Legolas laughed.

"I thought your father didn't raise you to be such liars," Legolas jested. Elrohir grinned.

"No, it was your influence," he said back with a chuckle. His hand then went to his head as he winced. Elladan leant forwards.

"Brother?" he asked, the smile on his face dimming.

Elrohir looked up. "Elladan, stop worrying so much," he said. "Head wounds hurt; you should know. It's nothing I cannot deal with."

"I will stop worrying, brother, when there is no bandage around your head and you can sit up without nearly collapsing," said Elladan, but his voice was light and there was a shadow missing from his face that Estel hadn't realised had been there before.

Legolas chuckled, and when Estel looked at him, confused, he elaborated. "Elrohir decided that he was well enough to sit up immediately when he awoke. I think he now knows it was a bad idea, given that he nearly collapsed again and made all of us, your father included, worried."

Estel chuckled. "Adar has been here?" he asked.

Legolas nodded. "He left just a few moments before you woke up." Legolas guessed, probably rather accurately, that Elrond had wanted to give the four of them some time to talk, though he had left with a stern warning not to overtire Elrohir. A warning that Elrohir would probably blatantly disregard, if Legolas knew his friend.

Estel looked around, and Elladan noticed the same look on his face that he usually got after they had been training and Estel had forgotten to eat lunch. He chuckled. "We finished the food a while ago, Estel. Why don't you go and get us some more? You can't have eaten for over a day."

Estel grinned and stood up, but paused. The story that Legolas had told him seeped back into his mind, and even though he knew that Elrohir was alright, the said elf sitting up and talking to Legolas right now, he suddenly found himself afraid that he would leave and suddenly everything would go wrong. It wasn't rational- he knew that. But that was the thing about fears- they didn't have to be rational to still terrify you.

Elladan looked up and softly smiled at Estel, seemingly guessing what was on his mind. He nodded slightly, and Estel smiled a little back. He turned and left, heading out towards the kitchens. Given everything that had happened, he was sure he would be able to get something sweet from the cooks if he asked nicely. Unfortunately, they were all too accustomed to him sneaking into the pantry to steal food whenever he could.

Elladan, Elrohir and Legolas watched him go. Elrohir smiled a little and looked over to where his brother and friend were sitting, wincing as the movement made him dizzy. "Is he alright?" he rasped.

Elladan sighed. "I think he still blames himself," he murmured. "But less than he did at the start." He chuckled. "I blame him less than I did."

Elrohir glared a little at Elladan, before wincing again as it pulled at the stitches in his temple. "Tell me you didn't shout at him, brother," he said, his voice rough yet still sounding exasperated.

Legolas grinned. "Only a little," he said. "And I don't think Estel is holding anything against anyone, anymore, even if he still doesn't quite realise why you protect him still."

"Good," murmured Elrohir, his eyes shutting briefly. "He was trying to do the right thing, I think. And anyway, we all know how bad things can go, no matter what you do." And he was right. Sometimes you could put in all the effort you had, you could try as hard as you could, you could do absolutely everything right, and still you would lose, and still people would get hurt, and still, at the end of the day, you would have failed. And there was never really any comfort in the fact that there was nothing else you could have done, because still you had failed.

It was a feeling that, for better or worse, the three of them had experienced probably too much for their liking. But, like so many other things, it was almost a necessity of the long and bitter war they were in.

Elladan and Legolas both nodded agreement, and the conversation smoothly flowed into different topics, shifting until it settled on the Battle of the Five Armies, Elladan and Elrohir telling Legolas what Mithrandir had told them, and Legolas telling them what had happened from his point of view in turn.

It was a little while later that Estel, bearing a tray of food filled high with everything he could take from the kitchens, came back to the healing wards. The door was hanging half open, and he went to lean against it to push it open, his hands full with food that was making his stomach growl.

But then he heard the soft voices on the other side, and he paused. He didn't know what it was that made him stop and listen. The three elves weren't even talking about him. From what he could hear, they were talking of the Battle of the Five Armies.

Estel didn't enter the room as he listened to them quietly talk. At the moment, Legolas seemed to be recounting the final battle. He listened with something like horror growing in him as Legolas told of the fighting, of the orcs and wargs, the bats constantly spiralling overhead. The dead and the dying surrounding them, the rest of them fighting on because they had to.

Of course, Legolas didn't exactly say those words, but it was what was running through Estel's head as he listened. It sounded awful. But even worse was the tone of Legolas' voice, the simple statement of what had happened.

Elrohir answered to something that the blond elf said, his voice rough, but still recognisably level and light. Elladan and Legolas both laughed at what he said, and Estel listened as Elladan started to talk, recounting some other tale. This one was darker, even darker than what Legolas had been talking about. Legolas asked something and Estel found out when this had happened, before the Watchful Peace when everything had been dark. Or at least, darker than they were now. For now, anyway.

Elladan continued with the tale, Elrohir jumping in with a tired voice every now and then to clarify some point. And the tale, the recount of some incredibly dangerous and damaging journey that Elladan and Elrohir had been on, became darker and darker, worse and worse, until Estel was struggling to hold back a gasp at what had happened to his brothers and the Rangers they had been riding with. At what they had done, trying to survive and do what they thought was right.

And suddenly something akin to guilt, but softer, less attacking, rushed through him. He didn't think he had ever realised just how much his brothers had done over all these years. Elladan and Elrohir had always protected him not just from being hurt, but from all the horrors they had endured. His brothers had always been very reluctant to tell Estel stories of previous adventures. Now Estel thought he understood why.

And it was this realisation that suddenly left Estel feeling hollow and empty, and simply shocked. He knew this was just a touch of everything that had happened to his brothers, and Legolas as well, and everything they had done. And he was shocked that after seemingly everything, they were still willing to protect him, to fight against it all. He didn't know how they had kept going.

And with that thought, he stepped into the room, carefully balancing the tray of food. He kept his face carefully blank, and the conversation between the three elves broke off as he entered, all three of them looking over at him. Sudden smiles broke out at the sight of the tray laden with food.

"Are you sure you have enough, Estel?" asked Legolas. His voice was light and Estel wondered how that was possible, when he had heard their conversation only moments ago. He smiled, but it felt fake, and set the tray down on the side.

"I thought you might be hungry as well," he said, picking up a freshly baked roll and tearing it open. "So I brought a lot more than I thought I would eat on my own."

Despite his growling stomach and the appetising bread roll in his hand, Estel merely toyed with it as he sat down on the edge of the neighbouring bed. What had been on his mind for the past day or so, ever since they got back, had now been brought forwards by listening in to his brothers' and Legolas' conversation just now.

Elladan looked over at him. "Spit it out, little brother."

Estel's head jerked up. "What?"

Elladan chuckled. "Estel, I have known you for fourteen years. Elrohir and I helped raise you. We can tell when you are working up the courage to say something. So spit it out!"

Estel sighed and rubbed his hands down the leggings he was wearing. "I want to make a deal," he said abruptly.

Elladan and Legolas, before only half looking over at Estel, now shifted so they were facing him fully. Elrohir faced him a few seconds later, having taken a little longer to turn given his head's tendency to violently spin whenever he moved too fast.

"I never realised we taught our little brother to bargain," said Elladan. Legolas softly thumped Elladan on the arm and shot him a warning glare. Elladan looked at Estel this time, really looked at him, and he seemed to notice something, because his smile faded and he sat forwards.

"What is it, Estel?" asked Elrohir, his voice tired. Estel glanced over at him and saw once again the dark circles under his brother's eyes and the drooping eyelids. Elrohir wouldn't stay awake much longer.

"I want to make a deal," he said. "I want you to teach me to fight properly, and I want you to stop trying to protect me as much as you do now."

There was silence. Elladan went to speak, and then paused. Finally it was Legolas who spoke up. "What do you mean?" he said carefully. "You know how to fight. You proved that, Estel."

Estel shook his head. "There's a difference between what I know and what you know," he insisted. "I want to learn how to fight like you three, how to fight properly."

Elladan found his voice. "There's a difference because we are far older," he said. "You will learn in time, Estel. You have to be patient."

Estel ground his teeth. "I don't have time to be patient!" he spat out. "I am mortal. I do not have hundreds or thousands of years to perfect my skills. And you do not teach me the same things that you practice. I don't just want to know how to defend myself. I want to learn how to be a proper fighter, a warrior. I don't want to let anyone down again because I'm not good enough, and you know that, Elladan."

Elladan blinked. "Anything else?" he asked, his voice a little short.

Estel nodded. "Actually, there is. Elbereth, you have tried to protect me for all of my life. I'm not asking you to stop doing that. I understand it, I think, and know that nothing will ever stop you trying to keep me safe, just like nothing will ever stop me wanting to learn to fight properly." Estel sighed, and paused.

"But I want you two to try and let me find my own way a little. I want to grow up, I want to be able to protect people like you have protected me all these years." Estel smiled a little. "I think I owe you by now."

"He's right."

Estel looked at Legolas, surprised. The blond elf merely smiled, and shrugged. "Estel is right. Protection goes both ways, mellyn-nin. You can't expect Estel not to want to look out for you two, and yet keep on trying to shield him as much as you can. That's not how it works."

"Exactly," said Estel, glad someone was taking his side. "You have to try and stop shielding me as much as you do now. I am old enough to start to fight like you fight, to learn how to protect others rather than just defend myself. I want to do this."

Elladan paused for a minute, his eyes staring at something just past Estel's head. At a nudge from Legolas he blinked and focused once more on his little brother.

"So…" he said slowly, absent-mindedly fiddling with the edge of the sheet on Elrohir's bed. "That isn't much of a deal, Estel. A deal implies we get something in return."

Estel grinned sheepishly. "I was kind of hoping you would forget that," he said. The grin then faded. "Truthfully, I don't know what I can offer to you two."

Elrohir spoke up. "Do you know why we protect you, Estel, why we are so eager to keep you safe?" He stopped, his voice cracking under the strain of staying awake for this long, and he looked to Elladan to continue.

Elladan paused, and Legolas shifted where he sat on the edge of the bed. He winced slightly as he jarred his ankle. "Tell him, Elladan," he said softly. "It may help him understand a little better, and I think it is about time he knew."

"'He' has a name," said Estel softly, but there was no ire in his voice. Elladan smiled slightly at his comment, and turned to face his younger brother.

"You've probably guessed at most of the reasons that we want to protect you," he said. "It is obvious that we want to keep you safe, Estel. You are our brother and we love you. But there is more to it that I don't think you understand yet."

Elladan sighed, and rubbed his hand over his face. "There is so much more that you don't understand, little brother."

To Be Continued...

*shock horror!* Elladan isn't going to tell Estel who he really is, is he? Duh duh duh!

If you've read some of my other stories, you know how much I stick to canon, so some of you might be rolling your eyes at me right now. Forgive me. Today is exactly a week until I see the Hobbit (literally this time in exactly one week I will be walking into the cinema. EEK!). Anyway, I am very, very excited.