Growing Pains- Chapter 16

Next chapter! And you get to find out what it is Elladan has decided to tell Estel. Warning: after this chapter you might feel the desperate need to hug all four of them. I know I did, and I knew what was happening!

Anyway, FIVE DAYS! I only have to wait five days until I get to see the Hobbit! AAAAAH!

I am very excited.

Disclaimer: see Chapter 1

0-o-0-o-0

Elladan paused, and looked over at Elrohir and Legolas beseechingly. Estel was surprised to see his brother's eyes damp, and wondered how much this admission was costing all of them.

Legolas picked up the thread, understanding what it was that Elladan and Elrohir were trying to say. "What I don't think you realise yet, Estel, and this is not your fault because you have been protected from it all your life, is that what we do is horrific. It is bloody and messy and can be terrifying. And that is only the battles that we are forced into, that we fight because we have no other choice."

"So how do you think it feels when we actively seek out the orcs, when we go out hunting? At the time it feels right, it feels like if we didn't do it then others would die later on. But when the hunt is over, when the orcs are dead and we are left on our own, that is when we wonder what it is we are doing." Legolas visibly swallowed, and Estel thought maybe he paled slightly as well.

"That, Estel, is when we hate what we do, when we are disgusted at ourselves for what we have done. So your brothers kept you safe, kept you in the dark about it, because to do anything else, to reveal what we have fought rather hard to keep hidden, is-"

"Something we never wanted to burden you with." Elrohir's voice was low and raspy, and he sounded exhausted, but he was awake still, and Estel noticed that his eyes, like Elladan's, and maybe even like Legolas', were damp. And again he felt a pang as he realised how much this confession meant to his brothers and Legolas, and how maybe how they even expected him to hate them for it.

Elrohir continued, his voice slow and soft as he fought for the words and against the competing exhaustion. "You came here when you were two years old," he said softly, and nobody questioned the change in direction in the conversation. "And we both remember the day when we rode out of the Dunedain village with Gilraen and you. You cried until we rode across the river, when you stopped and just stared at the rushing water."

"You never stopped staring at everything as we rode into Imladris. And then as you began to walk around, began to settle in, we would find you anywhere and everywhere, crawling down the corridors in a bid to go and see the new thing that had excited you for the day." Elrohir chuckled softly. "It became worse when you were able to walk, and knew your way around. Elladan and I spent hours searching for you every day."

"We've watched you grow up, Estel, and you are our little brother, regardless of blood. And when your little brother spends all of his childhood years looking up to you like you are perfect, then you try very, very hard to keep him believing that, no matter how old he grows up to be."

Elrohir stopped there, his eyes dangerously full, and he blinked, looking over at Elladan. Elladan nodded, and turned to Estel to continue.

Estel took in his reddened, damp eyes and the stiffness in his shoulders, and felt a sudden surge of something that wasn't pity, wasn't really sympathy, but a curious mixture of sadness and understanding that left a pain in his chest that wasn't due to any injury. Elladan took a deep breath, and then continued.

"We protected you, Estel, because we didn't want you to see just how far we could fall. We didn't want to ruin that look that you used to have when you looked up to us as a child, that we were everything that you wanted to be. And it was selfish- we know that. But we have lived too long, and come far too far, for us to remain selfless."

One lone tear spilled from Elladan's eye, and when he next spoke, his voice was hushed, almost pleading. "You said you didn't want to let us down, little brother," he said. "Well, it works both ways."

Estel didn't know what to say to that. His mouth opened, and then he shut it again. What could he say to that? What could he say, when his brothers basically admitted that they were scared that once Estel found out 'who they really were', as it were, then he wouldn't look up to them like he once did.

Legolas shifted on the bed, and then opened his mouth. "And there is a reason, Estel, why we are so willing to protect not just you, but anyone that we can. Protecting people, keeping our homes safe, is one of the only things we know how to do. We know how to fight, and we know how to use that to keep the things we love safe. And right now, we are beginning to think that this may not be enough. That all our skills, all that we have, may not even be enough to stem the tide."

Legolas paused for a moment, and took a breath. "So we do this because it is what we know how to do. Because it is one of the only things we think we can do to try and stem the tide. And we have seen too much, Estel, to think that this will be enough. We have done too much to know whether we are definitely doing the right thing anymore. So we do what we can, and sometimes even that doesn't feel like it's enough."

The three elves together paused, taking a few moments to gather themselves before they turned back to Estel.

"We agree," said Elrohir suddenly, and Estel clearly noticed now the exhaustion in his voice.

"To what?" he asked, now confused. He had been thrown completely off track by his what his brothers had said, what they had finally told him, after all these years, and the previous conversation had just fled his mind.

"To your deal," said Elladan tiredly, but also with a slight smile. "We agree. We will teach you as much as we can, teach you far more than we have been teaching you so far. And we will try to shield you less. We can make no promises, because you are our little brother, and we will always want to keep you safe, but we will try."

"But if we are to do this," said Elrohir. "Then you have to promise that if you want to come with us, then you ask. You do not sneak off after us, and surprise and terrify us when you catch up. And if we say that you cannot do something, if we insist, then you listen to us."

Estel nodded. He had already agreed with himself that he would never sneak off after his brothers again, never let his foolishness overtake common sense. "Fair enough," he said.

"Good," said Elladan, and just like that the only evidence of Elladan, Elrohir and Legolas' admissions are the huge weight that they revealed to Estel was in their still slightly damp, red eyes, and Elladan's subtle rubbing of his cheeks to remove the tear-track stains.

Estel shifted where he sat on the edge of his bed. "So what now?" he asked. "You can't really start teaching me anything until my arm has healed, and-"

Elladan smiled. "Who said it all had to be fighting?" he asked. "To be able to protect that which you love properly, there is a lot more than being deadly with a sword. If you go into my chambers, there is a small pile of books on the desk next to the fireplace. Bring them, and we will start now." There was no evidence of the previous conversation in Elladan's voice now, and the sudden change shocked Estel, leaving him still for a few moments as he worked to process it.

"And an arm in cast does not mean you cannot fight," said Legolas. "You have done so already. In a few days, maybe, when Elrohir can stay awake for longer than a few minutes-" This was said with a pointed glance at Elrohir, whose head was falling forwards as he gave in to the temptation of sleep. Legolas smiled, and continued. "Then we will begin sparring."

Estel's mind finally caught up with him, and he stood up, turned and left the room to retrieve those books. As he left, he glanced back over his shoulder.

Elladan and Legolas had shifted closer together on the end of the bed, Legolas with one hand gently squeezing Elladan's shoulder. As Estel watched the blond elf dropped the hand and sighed. Something at that point was exchanged between the three elves, something Estel could only just begin to understand, even with all that they had just told him.

They looked so old, Estel realised. They looked so very old.

0-o-0-o-0

By the time Estel had found the books, which had not actually been on the desk by the fireplace but on the little table on the balcony, and made his way back to the healing wards, Elrohir had given up on staying awake. When Estel walked in to the healing wards, it was to the sight of Elrohir lying on his side, sleeping. He looked so peaceful when he slept, Estel noticed. It was like all of the worries that Estel didn't know had existed had suddenly vanished, and his brother looked young again.

Of course, it might have something to do with the empty cup on the bedside table and the unmistakable smell of a freshly made sleeping draught in the air. Legolas looked up from where he sat on the end of Elrohir's bed, and smiled slightly.

"Put them on the other bed, Estel," he said softly. "Elladan is just filling your father in on things, and then he will be back."

Estel nodded and carefully put the books down so as not to wake Elrohir, even though he knew from experience that sleeping draughts literally make you dead to the world until they wear off. Though maybe dead was a little too literal for right now.

"What are these books on?" asked Estel, his voice hushed, and he flipped through them. They were all beautiful books, bound in cloth and with thin pages that slipped softly under his fingers, fine print that made him long for the stories he had read as a child. Sometimes there was no better thing than a good book.

Legolas got up slowly from the bed, but he was only limping slightly as he made his way over and sat down on the other bed. He picked up one book, and then flipped through the rest of them, reading the titles or first few pages.

"Records of old battles, old and current defences of Middle Earth," he said idly, flicking through one. "Two are on the realms of Men, the Last Alliance and Gondor. The rest are on elven kingdoms, I think. Though this one," he said, picking up an old dog-eared book with a faded green cover. "Will be of no use at all."

"Why not?" asked Estel, reaching out for the book. Legolas flipped it open and showed him the pages.

"Unless you can read Silvan, then this is no use to you," he said. "It is a book that I once brought with me, one time I visited, and left it behind for Elladan and Elrohir to read." He smiled softly. "I didn't know they had kept it all this time."

"Wait, how old is it?" asked Estel. The book looked old, definitely. Its pages were nearly falling out and it had that smell that only old books could have, that was somehow comforting.

Legolas shrugged. "I left it here about two hundred years ago," he said. "It's lasted pretty well." He leafed through it carefully, his eyes scanning pages, and a small smile came over his face. "It's a history of Mirkwood, from the Last Alliance up until the start of the Watchful Peace. I helped write a little of this, towards the end. Nothing much, just recounted some of the battles." He put the book back down carefully. "There will probably be a translation somewhere in this house. The Valar know how large the library is here."

"So what are these for?" asked Estel, picking up a book that was about something to do with the Last Alliance and opening it at a random page. "What does Elladan want to teach me with these?"

Legolas picked up his old book again. "Learning to fight is more than knowing how to use a sword. If you want to really learn, they you have to know how to plan a battle, how to construct defences or your position your warriors correctly. Maybe you will have to learn how to make an ambush, or how to foil one set for you. Some of this can only be learnt through experience, but these books will help teach this." He smirked. "Believe it or not, poetry or great tales of old are not the only things that we read."

Estel chuckled softly, his eyes darting over to Elrohir, checking he was still asleep. He didn't really need to check, not when he knew the potency of the sleeping draughts Elrond could concoct. But it was strange seeing his brother, normally so active, constantly doing something, be so still.

The door swung open and Elladan walked quietly into the room. Seeing Estel and Legolas sat together on the bed, the books in between them, he smiled.

"Adar agreed to our deal," he said softly as he sat down next to Legolas, both of them facing Estel. Elladan grinned at Estel's confused expression. "You didn't think we were going to do anything without Adar's permission, and by his, Glorfindel's? We are not suicidal, Estel."

Estel chuckled. "I suppose that would be suicide, wouldn't it?" he said. He picked up one of the books. "Where do we start?"

Elladan took the book out of his hands and picked up another. "Here," he said, flipping the book open and finding a certain chapter. "Histories of Gondor and the surrounding lands, this chapter on a particular skirmish that happened around six hundred years ago. Read it, and then tell us what they could have done differently to avoid…this particular outcome."

Estel took the book and began to read. And even though he wasn't out on the fields with a blade in his hand, even though he was just sitting on a bed reading a book, he felt like finally, he was doing what he needed to be doing, what he should be doing. And even if he was only reading a chapter from an old book where too many people died because of some stupid mistakes, it felt like finally, he was beginning to do the right thing.

0-o-0-o-0

It took two more days until Elrohir was balanced enough on his own two feet for the three elves and Estel to move outside and begin to spar. After a week, a routine was established. Legolas would wake Estel up early in the morning, and, with all four of them having now left the healing wards and moved back to their own chambers, they would go to Elrohir's rooms, where Elladan and Elrohir would be waiting.

In Elrohir's room they would eat breakfast whilst the three elves began to teach basic strategies and battle planning to Estel. After a while they would then head outside to the training fields. Each day was different. The first day, Legolas tied Estel's arm that was in a cast behind his back, and then Elladan stepped up to spar with him. The next day, they did the same, and then blindfolded him and threw clay balls filled with small bells for him to shoot at. The day after that, they added in knife throwing, apart from the knives were not regular throwing knives, but knives of almost every kind they could lay their hands on. A few probably were better classed as small swords than actual knives. And yet his brothers and Legolas did not let up until Estel could hit the targets with all of them, and could hit the inner rings with the more traditional throwing knives.

After the gruelling training sessions, which went well past lunchtime, the routine varied. On the first day, Estel was so exhausted that he went straight to his rooms and slept until the bell for supper tolled. The next day, he managed to stay awake a while longer, working with the horses. It was just Legolas with him then, because Elrohir was still weak and did nothing more than sit and watch the sparring, occasionally offering some advice or comment. So in the afternoons, when Elladan had gone inside with Elrohir, Legolas worked with Estel on their own.

The second afternoon of full-on training, Legolas taught Estel how to shoot from the back of a galloping horse and still hit the target, as well as stay on the horse. The afternoon after that, they spent the time on the training fields, Legolas teaching Estel how to move like a Wood Elf, how to dodge and duck blows without losing speed or your advantage. The next afternoon, Legolas started to teach Estel basic birdcalls and signals to communicate when you couldn't see the others, much like he had used to find Elladan and Elrohir.

And so it went on. Each day was exhausting, gruelling and left Estel feeling sometimes shaky with tiredness and slightly frayed nerves. His brothers had not been joking when they warned him they had been holding back a lot. Even though Estel knew they wouldn't intentionally hurt him, every time a blade flashed a little too close to his neck, or a blow only just missed his face, it sent a shot of adrenaline through him.

Today was no different. A knock came on Estel's door early in the morning, followed by Legolas walking into the room with a smile on his face. "Morning," he said cheerfully.

Estel rubbed his eyes, and sat up with a grin. "I swear you are getting me up earlier every day," he said with a groan, but he swung himself out of bed anyway.

Legolas chuckled. "I promise I'm not," he said, moving across the room and throwing open the curtains. It was a miserable day outside, the rain drizzling down from thick grey clouds. Estel stretched out his sore, stiff muscles as he moved over to the balcony doors and looked out.

"Miserable," he murmured, cricking his neck. "Isn't it meant to be summer?"

Legolas laughed and tossed Estel a fresh tunic from his cupboard. "Aye it is, and it will get worse before the day is out," he said. "You can hear it in the trees?"

Estel raised one eyebrow. "You can?"

"A wood elf can," said Legolas with a grin. "We spend out lives underneath the trees. We can tell when it is about to rain. Hurry up and get dressed, Estel."

Estel pulled a face, but changed out of his loose sleeping clothes and into the tunic, leggings and tight boots that served as his normal clothes now. Legolas looked pointedly at Estel's hair. "Have you considered using a brush, Estel?" he asked pleasantly, a slight smile creeping over his face.

Estel rolled his eyes. "Just because I don't have perfect hair like all you insufferable elves," he muttered, running a hand through it until it was at least tameable. "Are we going?"

"Aye," said Legolas, holding open the door. Estel grabbed hold of a jacket as they left, pushing his arms through the thin leather sleeves, and followed Legolas as they made their way down the corridor towards Elrohir's room.

Elladan was staying in Elrohir's rooms until he was fully better; something that it seemed Legolas had fully expected to happen, even assumed. Estel wasn't sure why, but he guessed it was yet another thing that had developed from all the harrowing experiences his brothers and Legolas had been through.

Estel pushed open the door into the first room of Elrohir's chambers, where there was a fire slumbering in the hearth. Elrohir and Elladan were sat at the table in the middle of the room, Elrohir slumped in his chair whilst Elladan sat next to him, absent-mindedly eating an apple. Elrohir still had a bandage around his head, and though the stitches had been removed a few days ago, he still looked pale.

Estel grinned as he slumped into a chair and reached for one of the apples in the bowl in the middle of the table. "What are we doing today?" he asked, eyeing the old scrolls stacked at the end of the table.

Elrohir pushed them towards him. "Read them and find out," he said with a smile.

They spent over an hour in Elrohir's rooms, eating breakfast and studying the scrolls, Elladan, Elrohir and Legolas quizzing Estel on various things they had been teaching him over the past week or so, and the content of the scrolls. By the end Estel felt a little like pounding his head on the table. It was coming to be a well-known feeling.

Eventually Elladan got up from the table. "Come on, then," he said with a smile, snagging his sword belt from where it was draped over the back of a couch. "Training fields."

Estel jumped up. "What's happening today?" he asked, grabbing his own sword and belt from where he had left in in these rooms yesterday. Legolas was already wearing his usual quiver and twin knives, though he didn't have his bow today.

The blond elf grinned. "You are sparring with me today."

To Be Continued...

Awww. Well, everything still seems to be sorted out. But there is still one little thing left to happen- Legolas doesn't quite know everything yet about Estel, does he? There is actually still quite a lot of wrapping up to do, so don't worry! This story won't be going anywhere just yet.

As always, reviews are very welcome. :)