:: :: :: ::

In his bed that night, everything felt different. James's hands on him seemed like they were savoring every touch, and he kissed Sirius's body all over. Sirius arched up into the contact, helpless, grabbing at what he could of James's skin, before he moved to kiss another suddenly erotic patch of skin. Sirius felt, dare he even think it, loved. Like James was loving every last inch of him. Once James had wrung an orgasm from Sirius, smugly satisfied with himself, he was able to return the favor.

Sirius has never let himself be like this with James before. Before he was always holding back something of himself, but now he let it all go. He caressed James's skin, biting, licking, and kissing everything he could get his mouth on. James gasped and writhed under his fingers and tongue, saying Sirius's name in a wrecked voice that would cause Sirius to pop a boner every time he thought of it thereafter. He cursed and swore, and pushed into Sirius's hands when he teased, and then he begged.

Sirius came out of his James induced trance, and found himself on his knees between James's spread thighs. James was flushed and sweaty, gorgeous and needy. He had James's arse on his lap, as he slid slick fingers into him.

James babbled, pleaded, "Do it, do it, do it, please, fuck, Sirius. Merlin, get in me now. Now, now, now."

Sirius felt like his whole fucking life was leading up to this moment. He slicked his prick, and carefully, Merlin, so carefully, pushed into James's body.

James arched off the bed with a deep moan. He grabbed onto Sirius's arse, and pulled him in deeper. Sirius planted his face in James's neck, gasping because he never knew sex would feel like this. This fucking amazing. The clench of James's arse around his prick was hot and tight, and the sensations fluttered, as James tensed and relaxed muscles. Sirius got his arms under James, and held him tightly. James grabbed onto his shoulders, and fisted a hand in his hair. The sharp pain in his scalp helped him hold off from coming too quickly.

James babbled nonsense in his ear, but Sirius's got the gist, and moved. When James seemed to like that, he thrusted again and again, until they worked out a rhythm. James pulled on his hair until he could get at Sirius's mouth. Then they were kissing and fucking. Sirius felt like he was immersed in James, sunk into him like James was the ocean. It was wonderful and beautiful, and he had never felt so connected to anyone in his whole fucking like.

James whined, and his arse tightened up incredibly. He moaned, shuddered, and went stiff in Sirius's arms. There was a surge of wetness on his belly, as James's cock pulsed between them. Sirius realized he just made James come on his cock, untouched, and Sirius lost whatever shred of control he had left, rutting hard into James's body, and then his balls tightened up, and he came in what felt like rivers into James's arse.

He probably blacked out after, because he came to moments later, face planted in James's neck. James's hands swept up and down his back, and it all felt fucking amazing.

"Fuck," he said aloud. James rumbled in agreement, and then there was shifting and wincing, and body parts were disconnected, and then they were lying down beside each other on the bed, letting the sweat cool.

Sirius closed his eyes, ready for sleep.

"I thought that would go differently," James mused.

Sirius made a questioning noise, because he couldn't manage words.

"I thought I'd be the one fucking you," James said.

Sirius could feel James's eyes on him. "Tomorrow," he mumbled, and rolled onto James's shoulder. It made a pretty good pillow.

James wrapped his arm over Sirius's shoulders, and planted a kiss in his hair. Sirius smiled into his skin.

"Gonna hold you to that, Padfoot."

Sirius would be all too happy to pay up.

:: :: :: ::

Sirius woke up in the best possible manner. James was plastered to his back, snoring hot and damp into the nape of his neck. His arm was thrown over Sirius's side, and he held on to Sirius like he was a teddy bear. Sirius smiled into his pillow, and wiggled his arse into the cradle of James's hips. James mumbled, dreaming probably, and yes, there was morning wood poking Sirius in the arse. James started rubbing lazily against him, and Sirius wanted to laugh, he was so happy.

Instead he took his own prick in hand, and then started to take care of it in a manner sure to wake James up. It was a bare minute later, and James's arse rutting gained focused intent, and his hand drifted down to grab onto Sirius's hip.

"Good morning, you horny bastard," James slurred into his neck.

Sirius snickered, and rolled over. He kissed James, closed mouthed, because morning breath, and after a bit of maneuvering, got both their pricks in his hand, and stroked them both together. James rumbled, pleased with this turn of events. It was only minutes before they came all over each other again.

"That's a good way to wake up," Sirius said, and James nodded, kissing him.

Everything went pear shaped remarkably quickly.

Someone pulled the curtains from the outside. Sirius squawked, and grabbed at the sheets to cover himself and James. There was an audible pop as the silencing spell they had placed on the curtains last night fell.

Remus was suddenly asking, "Sirius, do you know where James is? His bed's empty, and— oh."

Remus was frozen in the act of doing up his tie, and his face was doing something complicated. It felt a bit like that time one of their pranks had backfired, and Remus found Sirius covered in pink paint and feathers, wearing nothing but his pants. Only perhaps this was worse.

"Um, never mind, Peter," Remus said. "I found him."

"Oh yeah? Where is he?" Peter said, voice coming from the landing outside the room. "Never mind, tell me at breakfast. I'm starving."

"See you down there," Remus said.

He still stood there, looking at them, like they had set his whole world on end, and he was trying to assimilate as quickly as possible. Sirius started to feel like he had been caught doing something naughty by a teacher.

"Morning, Moony," he said instead. "Knock much?"

James snorted, and rolled out the other side of the bed, uncaring of his nakedness. He stretched his arms over his head, and Sirius couldn't help that his eyes were drawn to James's arse like magnets.

"What are you two doing?" Remus asked.

Sirius rolled his eyes so hard it was like his whole body rolled. "I think it's perfectly obvious what we were—"

"Yes," said Remus, impatiently. "But why?"

"Well," said Sirius. "We were just—"

"Just a bit of fun," said James. "No need to fret, Mother Wolf."

Sirius felt a chill. Like an ice cube had slipped into his stomach, and it was slowly freezing all of his insides.

Remus scowled. "I'm not fretting. I'm just— since when do you two do," he gestured to the bed, and Sirius's naked, come covered state. "This?"

"Since, I dunno, a week or so?" said James. He rummaged around in his wardrobe, and came out with a set of clothes, which he tossed onto his bed.

"Are you going to keep doing it?"

"I dunno," said James, shrugging. He picked up his wand and towel, heading for the shower. "Probably."

"Are you boyfriends now?" asked Remus. "What about Lily?"

Sirius's chest felt tight, and icy. He was cold down to his bones. James shrugged again, and shook his head.

"Remus, you are worrying too much about this. It's no big deal. We'll see you at breakfast, all right?" said James. Sirius couldn't help but note James hadn't given an answer about Evans.

Remus made a face, like this wasn't over. "Fine." He went out the door, casting dark looks at them, and the door shut behind him.

Sirius was shivering. He felt cold and terrible. His stomach was a tight mess of knots, and he couldn't even think. How was it that just moments ago he was the happiest he had ever been, and now this? He felt like he had been pushed off an emotional cliff.

"Aren't you coming?" said James. He stood by the bathroom door, still naked, with a towel thrown over his shoulder. He raised his eyebrows at Sirius.

Sirius nodded. "In a minute."

James shrugged again. "Suit yourself. I'll get started without you." He disappeared into the bathroom, and Sirius stayed in bed. His fingers clenched in the sheets, and he felt suddenly like crying.

He had thought… well. It didn't matter what he had thought. He was clearly wrong. He wasn't sure how long he sat there, but the shower turned on and off in the time he did, and James wandered out of the bathroom freshly clean, toweling his hair dry.

"What's wrong with you?" asked James. "You missed sexy shower time, and now we're going to be late to breakfast."

"Right," said Sirius, and got out of bed. He didn't quite know how he managed it, but he got ready for class. He had a short shower, then brushed his teeth, and brushed his hair. He left the tower with James dressed properly, though his tie was undone. They stopped by the Great Hall to grab slices of toast, and then rushed to their first class.

Sirius stood in the hall outside of the Defense classroom with James, and ate his toast automatically. They were somewhat early for class, despite the late start. He watched as James finished his toast, and then cleaned his fingers. James's eyes caught on Sirius's undone tie, and he immediately moved to fix it. His fingers touched Sirius's chest, and suddenly he couldn't stand to have James touching him.

"I got it," Sirius said, stilling James's fingers.

"It'll only take a second," said James.

Sirius shook his head, and moved away. "I got it." He left the line, and headed to the nearest boys restroom where he could do his tie in front of a mirror.

James might have called after him, but Sirius had to get away. He needed just a second alone to think.

He was in the bathroom for a mere thirty seconds before James barged in after him. No time to think, but at least his tie was done.

"What's wrong with you?" asked James.

Sirius frowned, and noticed his face in the mirror. He looked pretty angry, actually. And then he realized what he's feeling now was anger. At James.

"Are you pissed Remus caught us?"

"No," said Sirius.

"Then what?"

"I thought—" he began, but then realized he couldn't finish that sentence without ruining everything. He couldn't tell James he thought they were turning into something more. Something more like boyfriends. He couldn't tell James he thought… because that would ruin everything. Their friendship would never survive that revelation.

"Sirius, for fucks sake, just tell me what the matter is!"

James frowned, and he looked rumpled and irritated, like a cat who has had its fur petted the wrong way.

"I can't do this anymore," said Sirius. "We can't do the fucking thing anymore."

"What?" said James. He looked shocked, like Sirius just told him that he was in love with Snape.

"It's not working for me," said Sirius.

"It seemed to be working just fine for you last night, arsehole," said James, anger replacing confusion with lightning speed.

"It's a bad idea, James. We can't do it anymore."

James screwed up his face, and he looked for an instant like he might hex Sirius.

"Fuck you, Padfoot," he said instead, and then stalked out of the bathroom, slamming the door behind him so hard it rattled the walls.

:: :: :: ::

They didn't speak to each other for two days. Two of the longest days of Sirius's life.

Remus kept making faces like he knew this was going to happen, and he was annoyed he even had to deal with the pair of them. Peter was oblivious, as per usual.

James wasn't speaking to him. He sat beside Peter at mealtimes and during classes, all while Remus rolled his eyes at the change in seating arrangements.

"You have to fix this," Remus hissed at Sirius.

"I did fix it," Sirius said, sullen. "It was a bad idea, you were right, and I put a stop to it."

"I never said it was a bad idea," said Remus.

"You thought it," said Sirius. "Loudly."

"Because it is a bad idea, Sirius. It's a terrible idea. I have no idea what the two of you are thinking. But it's better than this!"

"You think we should just casually fuck?"

"Nothing about the two of you is casual. You're best friends. I don't think James would have stopped speaking to you if he didn't care one way or the other."

"But Evans. He loves Evans."

Remus stared at him. "Sirius, do you love him?"

Sirius winced, and looked away, which was answer enough.

"Does James know you love him?"

"No," said Sirius. "And he's not going to. If he knew I had feelings like this, then it would ruin everything."

"It's already ruined, Sirius," said Remus. "You have to tell him the truth."

"What difference does it make? This will blow over, and we will get back to being just friends, and someday James will marry Evans, and they'll have babies, and be happy for ever after, and that will suck hairy balls, but at least I'll still be his friend."

Remus shook his head. "The way this fight is going, I doubt that. James is really hurt!"

"Hurt?"

"The way he tells it, you fucked him, and then in the morning you decided you were done with him."

"What?" said Sirius, feeling gut punched. "That's not what happened at all!" Though he supposed from James's perspective, it could look like that. From that perspective, Sirius looked like a major arsehole. Sirius squirmed uncomfortably. In his version of events, he was the heartbroken one. But maybe he wasn't alone in that?

"Then will you please, for Merlin's sake, talk to him? He's supposed to be your best friend."

Sirius looked at his hands while Remus glared him into submission. He eventually agreed, and regretted it instantly when Remus shoved him towards the common room, where James was waiting.

:: :: :: ::

James was lying on the sofa in the common room, glaring at the fire. If it wasn't already in on fire, Sirius thought it would have burst into flames, just to suit James's dark mood. The rest of the common room was at the usual level of bustle for that time of the evening. Sirius took a very deep breath at the door, and ignored how his hands shook, and how the icy feeling crept from his stomach up his spine. He marched over to the sofa, and sat down cross legged next to it, right next to James's head.

James transferred his glare from the fire to Sirius. "What?" he asked, shortly.

"I'm sorry," said Sirius.

"Did Remus finally persuede you to say that?" asked James, snottily.

Sirius sighed, but it was more of a growl. "Yes, but I mean it. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings."

James looked away into the fire. "You didn't hurt my feelings. My feelings are untouched. We were just fucking around." He crossed his arms over his chest.

Sirius nodded, and looked at his hands. "You might have just been fucking around, but I wasn't."

James's head snapped to look at him. "Go on."

"Don't make me say it," whined Sirius.

"Go. On," he said, pointed and dangerous.

Sirius sighed. "It was never just about fun or fucking around for me. It meant something."

"What did it mean?"

"James."

"Sirius, you fucked me. That was my very first time letting someone do that do me, which you knew, and then the next morning you broke up with me with no fucking explanation, so you'd better fucking well explain yourself now."

"We weren't really together though," said Sirius.

James looked furious, and started to get off the sofa. Sirius got on his knees, and pushed James's shoulders back down to the sofa cushions.

"Listen to me," said Sirius urgently.

"If you're going to tell me we weren't— whatever we were, then forget hexes, I'm just going to punch you in the nose."

"But you weren't," said Sirius. "You said, over and over, it was just a bit of fun. Convenient. Just fucking around. And for me, it wasn't any of that. It meant something to me. It meant—" He trailed off, and looked away from James's intense stare.

"Finish your sentence, Padfoot."

"It meant more."

"Sirius—"

"I have feelings that aren't exactly platonic, okay?"

"Like, sexy feelings? Because I thought that was obvious."

"Like… the other kind of feelings."

"Sirius, for Merlin's sake."

"I love you."

There was perfect, awful silence.

"You…" James blinked at him.

"…love you."

"Oh. And you thought…"

"You love Evans."

James's breath caught, and he looked like everything made sense to him now. "You think I still love Lily," he said, shaking his head. "You perfect idiot."

"What?"

James grabbed Sirius's arm and shoulder, and pulled until he was on the sofa with James, lying together like they did that first time, face to face.

"I don't love Lily," said James.

"You flirt with her all of the time."

James's face did something complicated. "It's just habit, you know, with Lily. I didn't think you would care anyway."

Sirius averted his eyes. "I guess I do."

"I don't love her," said James. "Not anymore. Things have been different since we started this. And three days ago, when we kissed…"

James looked at Sirius's mouth, and then touched his lower lip with his fingers. He drew them away before Sirius could do anything dumb, like kiss them. "When we kissed, everything changed."

"You felt that too?"

James looked at him like he was an idiot. "Yes, Sirius, for Merlin's sake, we fucked. I wouldn't have done that before… but everything was different after that, and then…"

"I fucked it up."

"Yes, you did. But I think it would have been okay if we'd talked about how things had changed before Remus found us, and started asking questions we hadn't discussed the answers to. I was going to talk to you about it later, but then…"

"I was an arsehole."

James nodded. "You're good at that."

"I fuck things up."

James nodded. "Yeah, you do."

Sirius made a face. "You're supposed to comfort me."

"Yeah? Is that what a good boyfriend would do?"

Sirius stilled. "Boyfriend?"

"I think that's what people call this. Two boys who fuck, and also… love each other."

"You…"

"I," said James, nodding and smirking a bit. "I love you, you great big moron."

Sirius smiled, he couldn't help it, not one bit, and kissed James, right there on the sofa in the common room, in front of anyone who wanted to look over and see. James huffed a laugh into his mouth, and kissed back. Sirius shoved closer, aligning hips and thighs. James grabbed a handful of his arse, and pulled them into perfect position. Sirius bit back a whimper, and threaded his fingers in James's hair, so he could guide his face to where he wanted it, and kissed him very, very thoroughly.

They were interrupted by a shadow falling over them, in the shape of Lily Evans.

"Could you two make out upstairs?" said Lily. "Please, save everyone's eyes from this. No one wants to see you grabbing Black's arse, Potter."

Sirius grinned. "Get used to it, Evans," he said. "James is my boyfriend now."

Lily stood over them, arms crossed and tapping one foot. "Gross," she said. "Though who else would have either of you?"

"Bugger off, Evans," said James. "I'm trying to get my game on, and you're killing the mood."

"I see any hands going anywhere inappropriate I'll douse you both in frigid water."

"Get your spell ready," dared Sirius, and moved his hand from James's hair to slide down under the waistband of his trousers, and squeezed. James snickered, and wiggled closer.

Lily sighed, long suffering, and walked away. Sirius had no doubt she would make good on her threat though, and decided they should take this upstairs.

"As much as I'd love to mess with Lily," said James, "I'd rather have you naked. Lets go up to the room. You owe me a fuck."

Sirius grinned. "I can't wait to pay up."

FIN