Years ago. . . .
"Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you." Yogi had come across this quote when he was doing some studying years before; before actually taking part in any battles being affiliated with Circus. When he read it, he did not quite understand. If someone fights monsters, doesn't that make them a hero, not a monster? The young Yogi remembered the quote and decided to question Hirato on the meaning, though he did not want to do so. He never liked to bother Hirato on such menial things but this quote was bothering him. As he knocked on the door and entered Hirato's office, he was still trying to figure out the saying without anyone's help but seemed to be failing miserably.
"Yogi" They raven haired man behind the desk sat up and gave the boy a sincere smile. "What can I help you with?"
"Um I-I was wondering if I could ask you a question? I-If that isn't too much trouble. . ." The golden haired boy trailed off.
Hirato looked at Yogi and smirked. "I don't see why not. What is your question?"
"Well I was reading a book and I came across this quote." Yogi placed the book carefully on Hirato's desk and pointed to the quote that he had discovered earlier. He looked at Hirato in anticipation. Of course Hirato would know the meaning. In Yogi's eyes, he was incredibly intelligent.
"You were reading Nietzsche? That's quite an advanced author for your age, Yogi. I'm impressed." Hirato smiled at the teen who blushed slightly. "And of course, I do realise what this means. I've read it before myself." Hirato stated. Yogi beamed, he would finally get his answer.
"However" Hirato started "I think that it would be best if you figured this out for yourself."
Yogi's face fell from a beaming one full of hope to one of utter disappointment and confusion. "B-but why?! Why can't you just tell me what it means now? It's really stumping me!"
Hirato stood up and walked over to the young man. "I do believe that if you are intelligent enough to read Nietzsche" Hirato placed a strong hand on Yogi's shoulder. "then you will be intelligent enough to figure this famous quote out. Now if you don't mind, I have a lot of work to get through and you have studying to do." Hirato removed his hand and walked back to his desk.
Yogi sighed and began to leave the room.
"Oh Yogi." Hirato called. Yogi spun around thinking that Hirato may have changed his mind in his explanation. This was uncalled for however.
"With that quote in mind, I want you to figure out another one for me." Hirato smirked. Another one? Yogi hadn't even figured out this one yet and he now had to figure out another one?
"Come over here." Hirato beckoned. Yogi walked over to Hirato and the man whispered into the young boys ear the quote which he wished for him to figure out.
"Huh?" Yogi looked confused as he tried to decipher what had just been told to him. Hirato stared at the boy and had a completely serious expression on his face. Yogi pondered on this too yet the meaning eluded him. Maybe he just needed time to reflect on these quotes. Maybe he needed experience. Maybe one day he would figure out the meaning of these sayings.
Nai gripped Yogi's hand tightly as they walked down the hallway to visit the other inhabitants of the Second Circus ship. Nai's nightmares had caused him to become quite nervous and the fact that Gareki was away from the ship didn't help. Yogi had always been good with children; that was why he had been chosen as Nyanperona! Yogi tried to calm down Nai himself but Nai didn't respond. Yogi had then decided that they would send a tect to Gareki to see how he was doing and then visit the people on the ship to show that they were all ok contrary to what Nai had seen in his dream.
"Yogi, do you think that I can be strong?"
The little voice broke Yogi's thought and Yogi halted. "Huh?"
The albino child looked at Yogi. "Well, you are really strong, Gareki is really smart and Tsukumo is really fast. I was wondering if I could ever be like you. I want to be really strong like you!" The young boy beamed.
"Haha Nai-chan thinks I'm strong?" The cheerful man chuckled.
"Mm-hm. I think that Yogi is strong! There are no monsters that Yogi cannot beat!" Nai pumped his fist in the air and laughed.
Yogi stared at the young boy and smiled. "I dunno about that Nai-chan but thank you for the faith in me" Yogi leapt at the boy and began to tickle him which made Nai cry out in loud giggles. Nai managed to escape Yogi's delicate fingers and began to run down the hallway towards Tsukumo's room. Yogi began to run after him but pretended to be slower than Nai to give him a bit of a head start in their game of chase.
Nai-chan thought that he was strong, huh? Not as strong as Nai thought he was. "Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster." Yogi knew exactly what that quote meant now, after reading it all of those years ago. After fighting so many Varuga in his time with Circus, he saw the monsters that were present in the world. He had fought them on numerous occasions. He knew that in fighting those monsters, it would not be all that hard to lose your humanity; to succumb to the hopeless feeling that seeing these monsters could conjure up. Humanity was the thing that divided people like Yogi and the monsters like the Varuga. It scared him to think about stuff like that.
"Yogi, you are never gonna catch me at this rate!" The young white haired boy giggled as he was getting further and further away from Yogi. Yogi grinned and sped up almost catching up to Nai before he reached Tsukumo's room. Yogi thought back to the second quote that Hirato had told him to figure out on that same day. Hirato had beckoned him over and whispered into his ear:
"Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win."
Yogi had figured out the meaning to the first quote after his first few battles within Circus. He had figured out the second some time later. Monsters were real within the world he lived in but he realised with a terrible fear that they were inside of people as well. He knew all too well about having a monster inside of yourself waiting to break free. He knew all too well. He shook the thought from his head and began to run towards Tsukumo's room where Nai had run from Yogi in their game of chase.
A/N: Again really sorry for the wait for this chapter but it wasn't as long as the wait for the last one! Work got in the way! So here you guys go. For the next chapter, I really wanna wait until some new chapters of Karneval come out (since its been about 2 and a half months since the last one) so there probably wont be a new chapter out until then (unless I get some inspiration) but this story isn't over! So please let me know what you think! Thanks for reading! :)