CHAPTER FIVE
Coping

Rain beat down heavily on the blackened pavement that separated the town from the rest of the world, the stillness of the night being broken by the sound of an approaching vehicle. Tires screeching against the slippery ground, it came to a stop just mere paces before the "Leaving Storybrooke" sign, the driver knowing better than to just barrel past it and into the unknown.

A girl of no more than sixteen years old was forcefully guided out of the backseat by her captor, her eyes wide and frightened as she began to realize why she had been brought there.

"No, please—!"

A firm hand clasped around her wrist. "This isn't personal, dearie," her captor assured her, as though that could somehow make up for what was happening right now. "I merely needed someone who wouldn't be missed, should something go wrong. One can't be too careful, you see."

"But m-my friends…!" The protest was feeble, weak.

It caused the man to chuckle. "I know they have yet to reconnect with you, my dear. And your family… they didn't come over with the curse, did they?" The girl's throat constricted, tears prickling the back of her eyes. He was right, on both accounts. "A story I could spin about you, should I need to," he reminded her.

Her breathing shallowed substantially. It would be so easy for him too, as she was about to go back home once the Queen's curse had struck the land. Her friends could merely believe she had gotten out before it whisked them away to this place. It disheartened her greatly, increasing her fear of the unknown tenfold.

"But I am not unkind," her captor told her with a grin, which brought no comfort to the girl's restless mind. "I believe these hold some significance to you?"

The girl looked down at the offering in his hands, distress crossing over her features. If this was anywhere else, they would serve as a small comfort. But here, in this place, a land without magic, they did no such thing. They were useless.

Still, the girl reached for them. In the end, it was better to have them than to not, despite how foolish a notion it was to place faith in their power.

"Don't look so concerned," the man chided her, as though her fear was unwarranted. "This is just a precaution; I'm sure the magic that surrounded the town line is no longer intact." A gentle push was met with resistance, so a more forceful shove followed. "Come along, dearie; don't make this harder than it has to be…"

The girl fought against his grip the closer they got to the line, her lungs constricting painfully in her throat as her heart pounded against her ribcage. She was trying, desperately, to gain enough momentum to throw him over the line instead of the other way around, but it was to no avail. She was already small for her age and he deceivingly strong for his, and with one last screech in the vain hope that someone would hear, the girl's body tumbled over the town line, her knees hitting the wet pavement with a loud thwack.

A cry echoed through the night air.

After taking a moment to gather her bearings, the girl furiously snapped her head up, expecting to meet the dark eyes of her captor that stood but mere paces in front of her. Instead, the only thing she was met with was the dark, winding road that looked nothing like the direction in which she had just come from. No man, no car, and no sign.

Storybrooke was gone.

[x]

When Emma was a freshman in high school, she had read a book that had described the effects of drowning. She could remember how the character's stomach had twisted in their gut and rocked up and down, as though they were fastened to a roller coaster with no foreseeable end. Chest hot and tight, breath wouldn't come no matter how hard they wished for it. They wanted to scream, needed to scream, and yet when their mouth stretched wide, over and over again, no sound came out of it. The silence, in the end, and the hopelessness that it cemented, turned out to be far more agonizing than the pain itself.

That was how Emma felt now, when she was forced to confront the world around her.

Years of growing up in the system had toughened her enough to deal with some pretty gruesome situations, yet there was still a big difference when it came to being able to comprehend a parent beating their children and an Evil Queen ripping the hearts from her victim's chests. It seemed so disconnected from reality, especially when Emma's eyes fell on the woman who had apparently committed these horrendous crimes.

Regina was so put together; pantsuits neatly pressed, hair and makeup done just so. She spent the majority of her week pouring over paperwork in her office, doing a job that was so nauseatingly normal that it just didn't make any sense; how Regina went from this corseted, egotistical murderer to head of the PTA who's apple crisp was favored at school bake sales.

It was almost laughable, it sounded so ridiculous.

Not that Emma ever believed Regina was incapable of malice, as she had witnessed firsthand how manipulative and cruel Regina could be when she wanted something, but still… Emma never thought her capable of doing something that horrible. At least, not personally, as Regina always seemed the type to get others to do her dirty work for her.

And what was awful about it was that Emma knew her, and therefore knew that if Regina hadn't killed Graham herself, she would have said 'no' when asked if she had done it. She favored technicalities, as it was just another way to manipulate things to her own end, but as there was no way to get around it without lying outright, and because she had promised Emma that was something she wouldn't do anymore, Regina had reluctantly confirmed it.

It was enough for Emma to desperately reach for the blissful nothingness that resided at the bottom of a liquor bottle. In a world where nothing made sense, it was the only thing that made the madness bearable.

Emma was more than aware of how bad a coping mechanism it was, as she had seen alcohol destroy far more of her foster parents than any child should, and the shame she felt for being unable to handle everything that was going on forced her to hide her actions from those who would judge her badly for it.

Still, it wasn't as though her inebriated state went completely unnoticed. Emma could see the knowing look in Mary Margaret's eyes, her gaze filled with sympathy and pain as she watched her daughter seek some semblance of sanity in all the wrong places. She said nothing however, the guilt of being partly to blame for Emma's inability to comprehend the world where she had come from leaving her silent over such a delicate matter. In truth, Emma was thankful for it, as she didn't want to deal with some kind of half-assed attempt at motherly concern from a woman the same damn age as her. Just the thought of it stood to give her a headache.

David was either unaware of her current ailment or chose to ignore it, and Henry had just figured she was constantly tired, which, quite honestly, she really was. She was so damn tired of everything, yet it felt like it had only just begun.

But life didn't stop just because everything had changed, so after the town meeting where David and Mary Margaret had stepped up, assuming the position of the royalty they once were as they addressed the growing concerns of the townspeople, Emma met them in the back room of City Hall, needing to voice a concern or two of her own.

"The lack of magical incidents around town is worrying me," David admitted once they had closed the door behind them, able to speak freely now that half the town wasn't listening.

"Shouldn't that be a good thing?" Emma questioned, using the flat of her hand to lean against the far desk. She felt like she was swaying, but didn't want to risk that it wasn't just in her head. The position made her feel a hell of a lot steadier. "Cause call me crazy, but chasing ogres down Main street is not my idea of a party."

"It's not mine either, but that cloud did bring magic to Storybrooke, didn't it?" David countered, speaking on the assumption they collectively had. "So where is it? It doesn't make sense that there would only be that one incident at Regina's."

"I'm just taking it as a blessing in disguise right now," Mary Margaret answered, looking exhausted herself as she sat down heavily in the desk chair. "We have enough to deal with. So many people are still unaccounted for, and with King George getting up in arms over who has the rightful power in town, things are going to get chaotic if we don't start sorting stuff out. The last thing we need right now is a war."

"A war?" Emma asked, a disbelieving laugh slipping past her lips. The words came without thought, an edge to her tone as she spoke as though Mary Margaret was being stupid for even having the concern. It sounded ridiculous. "A little dramatic, don't you think? I mean, what do you think people are gonna do; fashion swords and start having duels in the street? Come on."

Mary Margaret didn't look the least bit amused. "Emma, you have to understand that where we come from, things are very different. And honestly, I wish that people fashioning swords was our biggest concern, but what really worries me is the disturbing amount of access to guns that the people of this world have."

Emma stared at her, feeling some of the blood drain from her face. "…You're serious?" If that actually happened, Storybrooke would become a bloodbath.

How had this become her life?

Mary Margaret pursed her lips into a tight line before answering. "Regina didn't just bring the people of our realm over here, she brought people from many realms, each of them having their own kingdoms with rightful rulers. Mufasa and King Triton have already agreed to relinquish power, so long as they are able to rule their own people directly beneath us, but there are others who believe they shouldn't have to answer to anyone. Not to mention quite a few of those rulers had people who challenged them, and with the Sultan's concern that Jafar has yet to make an appearance, as well as the fact that Scar is still missing, it's causing me to worry that they may be banning together to overthrow us."

Emma exhaled a hard breath and covered her eyes with her hand, her thumb and forefinger beginning to massage her temples as a fierce headache threatened to rip through her skull. This was insanity and yet there they were, talking about it as if vengeful fairytale characters was some kind of everyday occurrence.

She needed another fucking drink.

"We should call a meeting with only the royals before this weekend," David said, prompting Mary Margaret to nod in agreement. "Maybe we can try to sort something out. Section off parts of the town or…" He trailed off, looking less sure off the plausibility of that idea.

"Well, great," Emma interrupted, her words a bit more biting than she intended over how helpless she felt in the political area. Her mind felt hazy, but through the haze still shone her biggest problem. "In the meantime though, what the hell are we going to do with Regina?"

David looked up at her, confused. "What do you mean?"

"What do I mean?" Emma repeated, looking at him like he was crazy to not understand her concern. "What I mean is that we can't keep her locked in that cell forever, David. That's the only one we have and if you guys are right, we might have to stick other people in it later on down the line. Besides, it'd be kind of nice if I could, you know, go…" Emma's strong voice faltered for a moment, causing her to look down and mumble shamefully, "back… to work."

Ever since their confrontation, Emma had been unable to bring herself back to the Sherriff's office. She just didn't think she could stomach being around Regina; not after what she knew. David understood her hesitancy and was filling in for her at the office, and whenever he got a call he would forward it to Emma, who would take care of it. So it wasn't as though she wasn't working, but she was still a far cry from the desk she was supposed to be sitting at. It wasn't an arrangement she preferred.

Mary Margaret's face masked in sympathy for her daughter's plight, but it was David who spoke.

"Short of house arrest, Emma, I really don't know what we could do. And if we were to do that, the mansion would need to be watched around the clock." David looked at her haplessly as he regrettably continued, "We don't have that kind of time, with it being just the two of us, and considering you don't want to see her at all, that cuts it down to just one person: me. It's impossible."

"This is a town full of people who have… I don't know, slayed dragons and shit; there's gotta be someone willing to help us!" Emma exclaimed, her words slurring a bit as she threw out her hands exasperatedly. "With everything going on, it'll probably be ages until we can hold some kind of trial for her, and I… I can't—" Emma's voice broke, her desperation showing through the façade of authoritative indifference she tried to uphold. Thankfully, Mary Margaret stepped in.

"We'll figure something out."

Apprehension colored David's face. "Snow…"

"We'll figure something out," Mary Margaret told him firmly, not wanting his pessimism over the subject to further break their already fragile daughter. "There were a few people that helped settle the crowd before the town meeting, and if keeping the peace is in their nature, perhaps it wouldn't hurt to ask for their assistance. The worst that could happen is that they say no."

"No, the worst that could happen is that they volunteer with ulterior motives and assassinate Regina in her sleep."

"Charming!" Mary Margaret exclaimed furiously, shooting him a look like now was not the time to bring something like that up.

David sighed heavily. "Look, I'm sorry, Snow, but we have to look at this realistically. There might not be another option besides keeping Regina at the station. I know it's not ideal, but Emma needs to prepare herself for the possibility that she might have to face her again. She can't avoid her workplace forever."

"I will not put her in that position again!" Mary Margaret fumed, her gaze fierce as she stared down her husband. "Being around Regina is bad for her, David. Look what happened last time! Do you really think Emma needs that, on top of everything else right now?"

"What Emma needs is for you guys to stop talking about me like I'm not here," Emma snapped, causing the couple in front of her to immediately fall silent, equal looks of guilt flashing in their eyes. Emma sighed heavily, running her fingers through her tussled hair. She hated this; it made her feel weak. Regina made her feel weak.

"Look, Mary Margaret, I appreciate the support, but I'm not made out of glass." Even though they were spoken to the woman in front of her, Emma was more trying to convince herself of that than anyone else. She was stronger than this; she had to be. "Just because the last thing I want to deal with right now is her, doesn't mean that I'll never be able to. I'm not stupid, I'm going to have to at some point; she's… she's Henry's mother too."

Which, quite frankly, was something Emma was not looking forward to in the slightest. Still, Emma knew more than most that running from your problems only got you so far, and in the end, they still had a way with catching up to you at the worst of times.

"All I need right now is some space from her," she continued, her words weighing heavy with exhaustion over how much of an emotional turmoil this had all been for her. "Okay? There's too much going on right now and alright, maybe I haven't handled any of it in the best way, but I'm trying. And since there's no way to just magically forget everything that happened between us, it's been pretty damn difficult. But I'll adapt. It's… hell, it's what I've done for most of my life, so I will at some point. I just… I need some time to process everything, alright? Please. I just want to deal with one thing at a time right now."

Emma wished they could understand how hard this had been on her, but how could they? Their real life was what Emma had previously believed to be nothing more than fantasy. Finding out everything you knew was wrong was probably one of the most disorienting experiences a person could ever have, and yet Emma had no one who could even begin to understand. Everyone in this town just had to adapt to a new place of residence; Emma had to adapt to an entirely new belief system.

It made nothing feel real anymore.

"Emma, I… about that," Mary Margaret began hesitantly, her eyes shifting momentarily over towards David in the corner before once more landing on the face of her frustrated daughter. "There… might be a way for you to forget about Regina, if… if that is what you think would be best."

Emma swore she could feel her brain grind to a screeching halt at those unexpected words and she stared blankly at Mary Margaret, wondering if she had heard her right. Forget Regina? Was that even….?

Suddenly, the room erupted into argument.

[x]

Emma had to get out of there.

David was furious at Mary Margaret for even suggesting such a thing, as apparently she had done the same thing herself once upon a time, and halfway into the 'conversation' Emma didn't even feel like this was about her anymore, but about them.

Emma felt so blindsided by the whole thing that she didn't even know how to feel about it. The way Mary Margaret spoke of True Love it sounded as though she was destined for a life of pain should she continue to separate herself from Regina, but how much better would it be if she continued to be with her? How could she stay with her, after everything that had happened, after everything that she knew?

Emma hated it, all of it; destiny, fate, all those damn words that implied she didn't have a right to live her own life, to make her own choices. It felt as though she was being backed into a corner, towards something that in the end, would only end up hurting her further. She wanted to fight against it, prove them wrong, prove that her life was her own, but Emma barely felt connected to the world around her as it was, and if she didn't have a grasp on reality, how could she ever hope to have a grasp on her own life?

She didn't want to be with Regina. She couldn't be with her, and yet there was still a part inside of her that ached to fall into her again, to just bury her face in Regina's neck and block out the world around her. She wanted to go back to the simplicity of just loving someone, yet even as she thought it, Emma realized that nothing had ever really been 'simple' between them. Still, she craved it.

And she hated herself for it.

Emma didn't trust herself to drive, so she ended up walking all the way back to her apartment, wishing she could run away from her thoughts yet knowing there wasn't enough alcohol in the world to ever get far enough.

Could she really just forget about Regina? The thought was tempting; Emma couldn't deny that. It would make dealing with everything far simpler. Yet even still… it felt wrong. Experiences, the good and the bad, shaped people into who they were; Emma knew that more than most. She supposed that was why Mary Margaret cautioned her that should she take it, eradicating the love in her heart held the strong possibility of changing her. But would she be better for it? That was the question.

Emma didn't want to live the rest of her life feeling empty because she was magically destined for someone she couldn't stomach being with; it seemed unusually cruel. Still, the decision was something she couldn't take lightly. If she did it, it would change everything. She shared a son with Regina; it would complicate things pretty badly because of that, and the last thing Emma wanted to do was put Henry in that kind of position.

Maybe it was stupid to even consider it though, as the potion was magical and so far it seemed no one was able to control the magic that was in town. Getting it would be extremely difficult, if not impossible. Yet the possibility that she could, no matter how slim, caused Emma's mind to work on overdrive, trying to figure out if it would be worth it or not.

Should she take the easy way out? Could she?

So far, the 'no' column was winning, but with how much of a rollercoaster Emma's emotions had been lately, that could change within the hour.

She really needed another drink.

When Emma pushed open the door to her apartment, she was greeted with the sight of Henry sitting on the couch, playing video games. His head snapped up when he heard the door open and without even a word of greeting, he asked, "Can I see my mom yet?"

Emma exhaled a hard breath, slumping against the wall. Henry had been asking that question nonstop for the past couple days and honestly, having a repeat of this conversation was the last thing she needed right now. Running her fingers through her hair, she answered shortly with, "You already know the answer to that, kid."

Henry's gaze darkened and he threw the Wii remote to the ground, apparently intending to not make this any easier on her. "This isn't fair!" he exclaimed. "I'm not a little kid, Emma; I'm not going to get scarred by seeing my mom in jail!"

Emma blinked, momentarily taken aback. "You know Regina's in jail?" They hadn't told him they had arrested her for a reason.

Henry scoffed at her. "Duh. I'm not stupid. She cast the curse, obviously people are going to be mad about it." Emma crossed her arms over her chest and raised her eyebrows, which prompted Henry to amend, "Okay, and I might have overhead you guys talking."

Yeah, that was more like it.

"What did I tell you before about spying?"

Henry raised an eyebrow in her direction. "To not get caught?"

"I—" Emma faltered for a moment, her eyebrows creasing as she began to second guess herself. "Did I really tell you that?" It actually sounded like something she would say, but she couldn't for the life of her remember having that conversation. Still, Henry nodded and Emma scowled. "Okay, well scratch that; the new rule is that you don't do it."

God, she sucked at this whole parenting thing.

Henry rolled his eyes, which about summed up how much authority she really had. If Emma was a little more sober that would probably bother her, but right now she just wanted this conversation to end so she could barricade herself in her bedroom and drink her problems away; because in the end, it was just fucking easier than trying to make a decision regarding her love for Regina.

In all honesty, Emma was pretty sure this road was leading nowhere good, and yet she insisted on barreling down it all the same.

A-plus decision making skills, clearly.

"Just because you're mad at my mom, doesn't mean you have to keep me from her," Henry told her firmly, because apparently this conversation was not over. Great. "She's all alone and sad, and maybe even scared. She needs someone, Emma. No one else cares about her."

Whether Henry intended it or not, those words sucker punched Emma in the gut. "That is not true," she insisted without thought, because if she had thought about it, she certainly never would have admitted it out loud. "I put her in there for her safety, Henry. The town…" But Emma trailed off, not wanting Henry to know the extent of the vengeance some of the residents held. She sighed heavily. "Look, I just don't think it's a good idea right now. Your mom is in a bad place, and I don't just mean because she's in jail. I mean…" She waved her hand erratically around her head as she finished, "You know."

Competent words were clearly not her thing right now. This was such a bad time to be having this conversation with her kid; Henry was looking at her like she had five heads and not one of them was making any sense.

"I promise when we sort some stuff out you can see her, okay?" Emma tried instead. "But you gotta give it some time. There are a lot of things going on right now, and I don't want you caught up in the middle of it all. That's not fair to you."

Henry bit the inside of his cheek and shifted his eyes away from her. "Whatever," he mumbled, not believing her for a second. Emma sighed, feeling really helpless over this entire situation.

She didn't know what the right thing to do was anymore, but she hoped this was it. She didn't want Henry caught between the two of them, especially when the wounds were so fresh. That couldn't be good for him.

Besides, Mary Margaret and David were convinced Regina would be dangerous if she found a way to tap into her magic again, and although Emma wished she could, she really couldn't trust that it wouldn't end up negatively affecting Henry somehow. Regina would never hurt him on purpose of course, but magic in this realm, when it happened, had already proven to be really unstable. That wasn't a risk Emma was willing to take right now.

She just really hoped that was the right decision to make, because a part of her knew she had been making all the wrong ones lately.

TBC…