CHAPTER EIGHT
Running
"What are you doing?"
Emma looked up in surprise, her movements halted by the sound of the unexpected voice. Mary Margaret stood in the doorway, staring at the half-packed bag at the base of Emma's bed, looking as though the mere sight of it cut her heart into pieces. Emma averted her eyes, shoving another pair of jeans into the open duffle.
"Thought you were at that meeting… thing." The blonde's words came out a mumble, suppressed by the shame of being caught.
"The one you were supposed to attend with us?" Mary Margaret asked, her tone sharp. "Yes, we were. It's finished." Her eyes swept the bed, noting the articles of clothing that were scattered in disarray across the bed sheets. Emma avoided her gaze as she swiped for a tank top that had fallen to the floor. "I'm going to ask you one more time, Emma. What are you doing?"
Emma exhaled an impatient breath as she shoved the shirt into the bag. "Drop the whole cliché mom tone, Mary Margaret. I'm an adult; this is me making an adult decision."
"To what, leave?" Mary Margaret practically shrieked, horrified by the choice Emma was making. She took a few steps towards her, palms held out in an imploring manner as desperation shone behind her forest green eyes. "Emma, sweetie, I know things have been hard for you, but you can't just—!"
"I'm not leaving town or anything!" Emma exclaimed, looking up at her with an expression of disbelief. "Jesus, is that what you really think?" She might be a mess right now, but she wasn't heartless. Emma shook her head, irritated by Mary Margaret's lack of confidence in her, while she shoved another article of clothing into the open bag. "I'm just—I… I need to be away from Henry right now, okay? I'm gonna go stay at the Bed and Breakfast for a bit, that's all."
"Without saying a word to your father and I?" Mary Margaret asked, looking at Emma like she couldn't fathom how her decision making skills worked. "You were just going to dump your son on us and expect—?"
"I was going to leave a note," Emma grumbled, pushing her hair back from her eyes. Her fingers caught in a tangle – further proof that she could barely even take care of her own basic maintenance, let alone a child right now – and she sighed heavily as she forced her hand violently away from her head, nearly tearing out some of her hair in the process. "I just didn't want to have this conversation, alright? Was trying to avoid it."
Mary Margaret set her jaw, looking really unhappy about this unexpected turn of events. After a long moment's silence she spoke, her voice almost dangerously low as she asked, "Did Regina tell you to do this?"
God, even the mere mention of Regina's name twisted her insides violently.
What she had almost done at the manor, it… Emma could barely even look at herself in the mirror that morning, her reflection sickened her that badly. It had been an honest mistake, to have interpreted Regina's response in the wrong way, but that still didn't justify her actions by any means. She was a disaster, and that happening, above all else, proved it to be true with blinding clarity.
Still, Emma paused mid-movement, blinking in surprise. She hadn't expected Mary Margaret to know that. "How did you…?"
"Mulan told your father that you were at her house last night."
God damnit. Was she not allowed even a second's privacy? For fuck's sake, this was ridiculous. She didn't need babysitters; she was a grown woman.
Emma threw another article of clothing into the bag. "Look, it really doesn't matter—"
"Of course it matters!" Mary Margaret exclaimed, crossing the room to practically manhandle the duffle away from her daughter. Emma shot her a glare, furiously holding out her hands in disbelief; she was being treated like her opinion didn't even matter, and it was beyond frustrating. "Emma, she's only saying this so she can get him back! Why are you succumbing to her ridiculous requests? Honestly, I would have thought—"
"Because they're not ridiculous, Mary Margaret!" Emma shouted, effectively cutting the other woman off. "She's right, okay? I'm a fucking mess! I can't be the mom Henry needs right now, and you know it! Just because you don't want to acknowledge the fact that I'm drinking myself into an early grave, doesn't mean it's not happening! So just let me deal with my shit the way I need to, alright?!"
Mary Margaret stared at her, distress beginning to mask over her delicate features at the truth she had so desperately wished to ignore. But it was staring her in the face now, and there was no longer a way to cover the ugliness of it back up. She took a hesitant breath. "Emma, if you… if you need help, maybe we could—"
"I don't need help, I just need space," Emma snapped, tearing the bag out of the other woman's grasp before setting it on the bed once more. She began shoving clothes in it again, not really caring about a sense of order to the madness. "So just let me have it so I can start dealing, alright? I have enough going on without some 'and they lived happily ever after' Disney crap being shoved in my face every two seconds."
"Oh." Mary Margaret looked wounded by her words. "You… you mean that you need space from David and I as well, don't you? Is that what you're…?"
Emma sighed heavily, beginning to feel guilty by the way her intoxicated disposition expressed her frustrations. "It's just a lot to take in at once," Emma admitted softly, avoiding eye contact as she finished packing her things. "I spent my entire life convinced that my parents abandoned me because they couldn't give a shit, and then the damn curse lifts and suddenly you expect me to play happy family?"
Emma looked up, face masking in apology at how upset her former friend was becoming. "I just… it's gonna take some time for me to process everything," she continued, her tone softer and more caring this time around. "It's not every day you find out you were sent through a magical wardrobe to save a bunch of fairytale characters, you know? It'd fuck with anyone. I'm not…" Emma sighed heavily as she zipped up the duffle, "I'm not saying that I'm not glad to have found you guys, but there's still a lot of crap I gotta work through before we can, I don't know, move forward, or whatever. You… you get that, right?"
"N-No… I mean, yes, of course, I—we understand that, Emma. We just… I mean—" But Mary Margaret cut herself off, her emotions getting the better of her. Fresh tears shone in her eyes, but she turned away from Emma before allowing them to fall. Still, the blonde noticed.
A sharp pang of guilt shot through her gut, causing Emma to take a step towards her. "Mary Margaret…"
"I'm sorry," the brunette apologized, quickly wiping the evidence of her distress off her cheeks. "I know you don't need this right now. I'm not trying to guilt you into staying; I know why you need to leave. I'm just worried that…"
"That what?" Emma gently prodded.
Mary Margaret exhaled a long sigh, shaking her head for a moment before turning towards her. "I'm worried that you're just running, Emma, not dealing," she told her softly. "I'm afraid that once you get there, you'll no longer have any reason to hide what you're doing. What if you just begin to drink more?"
"I won't. I still have a job to do—"
"And yet where were you today, during the town meeting?" Mary Margaret pressed, furthering her point. As Sherriff of Storybrooke, she should have been present. "Emma, we were discussing what to do with Regina today; I would have thought you'd want to be around for that, yet you were nowhere to be found."
Emma blinked at the new information; had someone informed her of that earlier? She couldn't remember anyone saying anything about it. If she had known, she would have gone.
God, she hoped she wasn't blacking out.
"You… I thought—Wasn't it going to be awhile until her trial?" she asked, confused. "Why were you guys talking about that now when there's other—"
"Emma," Mary Margaret interrupted. "There isn't going to be a trial. Regina already admitted her guilt; all that's left is to sentence her. With everything going on, we figured it was best to just get this out of the way, that way we can focus on other—"
"So wait, when the hell is this supposed to be happening?" Emma cut in, looking completely lost. She had thought there would be more time to deal with the whole Regina situation, but apparently not. Mary Margaret sighed softly, sympathetically.
"In two days."
Emma felt herself slump onto the bed heavily. Two days? She didn't know how she was supposed to feel about that. It kind of made her feel numb.
"They're not… I mean, you guys aren't going to sentence her to death or anything… right?" She looked up at the woman standing beside her, knowing her eyes were begging for Mary Margaret to ease her worries. Regina might be a lot of things, might have done a lot of things, but the last thing Emma wanted was for her to die for it.
Still, things were very different where they came from, and that scared her.
"Of course we're not," Mary Margaret assured her, coming to sit next to Emma on the bed. She placed a comforting hand on her knee. "We're not barbaric, Emma; she's Henry's adoptive mother. We couldn't do something like that to him. But she… well, we think it would be best for Regina, and the town as a whole, for her to not be around any longer. It hasn't officially been decided yet, but your father and I believe banishment would be the punishment best suited for her crimes."
Emma turned towards her sharply. "What about Henry?"
"What about him? I just said—"
"We're just going to let Regina up and disappear with him?" Emma asked, looking at her like she was insane. "He's my son too! I know I might be a disaster right now, but I can't—!"
"What? No, Emma!" Mary Margaret hastily assured her. "No, of course not; Henry will stay here, with us."
Emma blinked at her, trying to process the lack of sense that just came out of the other woman's mouth. "What?" she asked, disbelief settling over her expression. "What the hell are you talking about? Regina is Henry's legal guardian, Mary Margaret. We don't have any right to him, not really. We can't just toss her out without him, that's… I don't know, illegal, on top of really fucked up."
"Storybrooke isn't connected to the rest of the world, Emma," Mary Margaret reminded her. "Things are very different here, and as such we aren't governed by the same set of laws. We'll award custody of Henry to you during sentencing, and then—"
"This is fucking ridiculous," Emma muttered furiously, pushing herself off the bed to pace. Just because her parents were monarchs in their world, didn't give them the right to dictate everyone else's lives while in Storybrooke. Emma didn't want Regina leaving with Henry, not by any means, but this still didn't sit right with her. This wasn't the way the world worked.
Mary Margaret, sensing her daughter's unrest with the situation, tried to rectify it. "If it means that much to you, we can… I don't know, perhaps organize supervised visits one weekend a month, or something…"
"If it means that much to me?" Emma repeated, rounding on her furiously. "This isn't even about me; this is about you separating a child from their mother, without even really thinking about what this is going to do to Henry! Look, the last thing I want is to be around Regina, because all it does it fuck me up more, but Christ, you can't just go around dictating shit like this without even thinking it through! Damn right she should be allowed supervised visits, at the very least; can you even imagine how badly it's going to hurt Henry if he's never allowed to see her again?!"
Mary Margaret's previously understanding gaze darkened at the blonde's tone. "Emma, Regina is evil. I understand why you would think separating Henry from her wouldn't be the right thing to do, but you have to see that maybe it's—"
"Regina's not evil, Mary Margaret! She's a self-centered, manipulative bitch with impulse issues, who still, at the end of the goddamn day, loves her son more than anything else in this world."
Even more than me, a small voice in the back of Emma's head added, yet thankfully the words did not make their way out of her mouth. She didn't want to think of Regina's feelings for her at the moment, as they were irrelevant when it came to the situation at hand.
"Someone doing evil things does not make them inherently evil, alright? She wouldn't love as devotedly as she does if that were true, so stop labeling her that just to make yourself feel better for not giving a fuck about how our kid will feel about your decision."
Mary Margaret's mouth dropped open, horrified by the way her daughter was speaking to her. "Emma!"
"No, we're done," Emma snapped, furiously grabbing her duffle off the bed and hoisting it over her shoulder. "Call me when the town reconvenes for sentencing. Until then, just… just leave me alone."
Mary Margaret tried to call out to her, but Emma stormed out of her bedroom, hearing none of it. While Regina being banished from Storybrooke gave them the space they both so desperately needed – especially after the unfortunate events that had transpired between them at the manor – the fact that Mary Margaret barely thought about Henry throughout all of it enraged her. It wasn't fair, and it most certainly wasn't right.
And Emma just hoped that, at the end of the day, Mary Margaret would see that, and not give Henry any reason to despise them and the end result of the curse he had worked so tirelessly to break.
[x]
Light. Light, damn you!
For the umpteenth time that day however, nothing happened.
Regina exhaled an impatient sigh, beginning to grow incredibly frustrated by the lack of progress she was making. Magic was fueled by emotion, but it seemed to only respond in this realm to strong, uncontrollable ones, which was not making things any easier for her. Magic was dangerous when one was unable to control it, and that was not something Regina wanted her son around. So with that goal in mind, she sat in the large armchair in her study for seemingly hours on end, attempting to figure out the secret to accessing it.
Regardless of Rumpelstiltskin's theory that the curse broke wrong, Regina refused to believe that it meant magic was inaccessible on a whim. After all, there had been times when she had been able to control it; they were just few and far between.
She just couldn't, for the life of her, figure out the connection between the two events.
At first she believed it was because she was protecting herself both times, but if that were true, Regina should have been able to summon a protection ward when the mob first came to her door. However, she was not, so that theory ended up being dismissed rather quickly. It was frustrating though, because outside of that, the two events were completely dissimilar; different circumstances and different spells.
Regina took a deep breath, focusing her gaze on the candle before her once more. It was aggravating, how mind-numbingly simple this spell once was for her, and yet now it had become one of the most difficult things she had ever tried to accomplish, solely because she could no longer access what used to be second-nature to her.
Regina stared. She concentrated. She focused on her desire to protect Henry, for without control over herself she was a danger. And yet still, nothing happened.
"God damnit, just light!" she exclaimed, frustrated beyond belief at the cylinder of wax that now seemed to be taunting her with just its mere existence. Aggravated, Regina slammed her hand down on the table, knocking the candle onto the floor just as her magic sparked and raged inside of her, reacting to her anger.
The vase of flowers in the corner of the room erupted into flames, and Regina swore loudly.
Luckily, she had been prepared for potential accidents, but that still didn't worry her any less, considering the flowers were dangerously close to her drapes. Jumping up, Regina grabbed the pitcher of water off her desk, throwing it onto the flames. The fire hissed as it was put out, leaving a charred mess of what used to be a lovely bouquet of lilies in its wake. Regina sighed, leaning heavily against the side of her desk.
She was getting nowhere.
If she wanted to learn how to control magic in this world, she really needed to figure out the connection between the only two times she was able. However, Regina had always been more of a doer than a thinker, so she didn't have much faith in her patience to really sit down and suss it out. Still, she knew she had to try.
When Regina crossed the room to pour herself a stiff glass of hard cider though, she nearly jumped out of her skin when she noticed a body coming to stand in the threshold of the door. Her irritation at everyone's ability and audacity to just stroll right into her house uninvited, however, dissipated in an instant when she realized who it was that had come to see her.
Eyes widening as they glassed over with emotion, Regina abandoned all thoughts of magic as she looked upon her son, hardly able to believe it that he was really there. She had thought for sure no one would condone him seeing her. "Henry…"
The boy smiled wide. "Mom!"
He was in her arms within moments, enveloping her in a crushing hug. Regina clung to him, smoothing down his hair and kissing his forehead as the feeling of her son's love overwhelmed her. After everything that had happened, Regina would have never expected him to greet her so warmly. It seemed, however, that Henry was the only person who could see how much Emma's love had changed her. Perhaps it was mostly blind faith on his part, a hope for a happily ever after, but it was still nice to know that there was someone in this world that believed she was more than the sum of her mistakes.
"What are you doing here?" Regina asked, kneeling before him to get at his eyelevel as she smoothed out the crinkles in his shirt. "Did Emma bring you?"
Henry squished his face to the side in guilt before reluctantly shaking his head. "I snuck out," he admitted softly.
"Henry…" Regina's words were laced with disapproval, but Henry wouldn't let her lecture him.
"No one would let me see you!" he exclaimed. "It wasn't fair. I know you're not going to hurt me, because you're not the Evil Queen anymore. You're just my mom. Why doesn't anyone see that?"
Regina's face etched in distress at the innocence in her son's words. "Is that… they really believe I would do that; hurt you?" She expected as much of Snow, but not of Emma. The woman knew that Regina lived and breathed only for Henry; he was the reason that she stayed here, in this house, awaiting sentencing for her crimes, despite how easy it would be for her to flee with only one guard stationed at the front door.
Regina couldn't leave without him. And now that Henry was here, she had half a mind to just take him and go, but in the end, she had done so much wrong by Emma already; she couldn't betray her by snatching their son and leaving town, especially considering that with the border problem, there would be no way back.
"I don't know. I think so. I know before Emma didn't want me to see you in jail, but you're out now, so…" Henry shrugged, not really knowing all of the details of their forced separation.
Regina exhaled a soft breath before pursing her lips together and giving her son a tight smile. She was glad to see him, but that still didn't mean she condoned his behavior. "You shouldn't have come here," she told him softly. "Emma will be worried sick once she realizes you're gone."
Henry shook his head. "No, she ran away this morning."
"…What?"
"To the inn," Henry hastily assured her, realizing how that sounded a little too late. "But I overheard Grandma telling her that she was running from things instead of fixing them. I don't know. She promised me she'd be back soon though, she just doesn't know when."
So Emma had actually listened to her. If Regina were to be honest, she would have never expected her to; especially considering the state the blonde was in.
"Emma's been having a tough time lately," Regina told him gently, smoothing down the cowlick in his hair. "But if she promised she'd come back, then she will, okay? She just needs some alone time right now."
"Because of the drinking," Henry finished, and four little words had never crushed Regina so quickly. Suddenly he seemed so much older, his innocence and naivety stolen from the repercussions of her own mistake. They were just words, holding no real power to age him, and yet suddenly her little boy didn't seem so little anymore.
Regina gave him a sad smile. "Your…" there was only a slight hesitation before she continued with, "your mom, Henry; she's very strong. But even the strongest people have moments of weakness, because it's human to be imperfect. This is hers. But no matter how bad it is, you have to remember that it's a moment… and moments, they eventually pass."
Henry's lips upturned into a smile. "You called Emma my mom."
It was the first time Regina had ever really referred to Emma as such in front of her son, and she met his smile with one of her own. "I think," she began softly, brushing the hair out of his eyes, "I've begun to learn the concept of sharing." Henry smirked, and it was reflected back at him. "I suppose it's not that bad."
Her words elicited a sense of happiness in her son, but within moments it was gone, his expression clouding over as he looked down at his shoes. "I thought we were going to be a family," he admitted softly. "True Love is supposed to give people their happy endings, isn't it?"
Henry's words broke her heart, and Regina tried like hell to not let the emotion show on her face, for fear of crushing his hopes even further with her own pessimism. "Emma and I love you," she told him firmly. "And no matter what happens between us, that's never going to change. But I've… I've done quite a lot of bad things in my life, and while you seem to be able to separate the person that I was from the person that I am now, it's not that easy for everyone else. Maybe, in time, Emma will be able to forgive me for the things that I've done, but if it happens, it probably won't be for quite a while."
"Because your curse took her from her mom and dad," Henry said quietly, trying to understand why there was such a large rift between his two mothers, despite how much had changed before. "And cause you lied."
"Yes," Regina quietly agreed. "Among many other things." Graham, in particular, being another large part of Emma's anger towards her. But that was a conversation for another day.
Henry took a breath, shuffling his feet for a moment. "You made me feel like I was crazy," he told her hesitantly, as if he was unsure about bringing it up on top of everything else that was going on. "And I know it was because you were evil at first, then when you started to love Emma you were scared about her finding out, but… I hated it, Mom. I'm not crazy, and you knew I wasn't."
"I know," Regina softly replied, guilt washing over her features. "I know, honey, and I'm sorry. I thought it was best if you believed it was just your imagination. I thought if you knew, I would lose you; that you would hate me."
"I did… for a little," Henry admitted, unable to meet her eye. "But… then you found your True Love and you changed. I just… I want us all to be happy, Mom." He sounded so small, once again no more than the little boy Regina had read bedtime stories to for so many years, and it broke her heart for being the one to have caused him such distress.
How foolish she had been, to believe that this story could possibly have a happy ending.
Still, she assured him, "We will be, Henry. I promise. One day, everything will be alright. It might take a little while, but this is just another moment. It'll eventually pass, and a new one will come; a happier one."
"How can you be sure?"
Regina smiled at him, gently tapping her knuckle against his chin. "Because fairytales always have happy endings, don't they?" It was an answer that went against everything she herself believed in, yet Regina felt she had to say it. She didn't want her son to live with the same pessimism that devoured her whole. He deserved to have hope.
Henry smiled, then nodded.
But within moments his expression clouded over once more as he told her, "I don't want you to have to leave."
Regina's eyebrows knitted. "What do you mean? I'm not going anywhere."
"Emma was yelling at Grandma earlier about it," Henry said, his voice soft, as though he knew he shouldn't have been spying, "before she left. They're going to make you leave Storybrooke because you cast the curse."
Regina felt all the color drain from her face at that information. "…What?" The word was barely above a whisper. Leaving Storybrooke, with the boundary still intact, meant she could never return. Did Snow know that?
It seemed though, at the very least, that Henry didn't.
"Emma was mad about it, but I don't think Grandma cares. She said we could still see each other, but I don't think she's going to let me live with you."
It took every ounce of strength inside of Regina to not break down. She didn't want to scare Henry, especially when she was unsure of the facts; it was possible her son had misinterpreted Snow's words, or that Emma was completely unaware of the boundary issue. Despite everything, Regina knew that Emma would never condone her being separated from Henry in such a way.
But in the end, did Emma's opinion on it even matter? She was the Sherriff, yes, but it seemed Snow and David had reinstated themselves as reigning monarchs. They could throw her out of Storybrooke despite Emma's protests, if they so desired.
God, that scared her.
Regina knew she looked alarmed by this information, but that was something she couldn't help. She at least suppressed the worst of her fear, knowing it would do no good to get Henry riled up about it as well. She ran her hands down her son's arms in a comforting gesture. "Don't worry about that right now, alright?" Regina tried, keeping her voice as level as possible. "I'll speak with Emma about it, and if I need to, then I'll have a word with Snow as well. No matter what, we'll still be able to see each other. We'll figure something out."
"Okay," Henry conceded quietly. Regina gave him an assuring smile, and he smiled back at her.
"Come on," she encouraged, getting to her feet and placing a hand on the small of her son's back. "I believe its Granny's shift at the moment; let's see if she'll drive you back to Emma's apartment. I don't want you riding your bike back in the dark."
Besides, I need to get you back home before Snow realizes you're missing and accuses me of trying to kidnap you, Regina thought bitterly, yet did not allow the words to fall from her lips. In the end, she still felt the need to shield Henry from so many things. He was only ten years old and already he had gone through much more than a young boy should; Regina didn't want to expose him to any more anger and spite, especially between the people who loved him.
She had made a lot of mistakes in her life, and look where they had gotten her. It was high time for Regina to try to make things right, however she was able, and no matter how hard the choices may be. Regina didn't want to end up bitter and alone for the rest of her life; she had spent so long being miserable and angry, and for one, brief moment, she had felt true happiness.
And she wanted, more than anything else, to get that back. Everything else paled in comparison to feeling like she finally had a proper family.
Perhaps it was a foolish dream, especially after everything that had happened, but still Regina knew that one thing was for certain: she had to try. Because this, this life she had led for over thirty years? It wasn't working any longer. She had believed revenge would fill the hole in her heart, but all it did was make it even bigger as she repeatedly darkened her soul.
Henry and Emma, they were what filled that void, and Regina would be damned if she just allowed them to get away.
TBC…