Author's Note:
So this has now officially become my most followed fic, and I wanted to thank you guys for all the support. The response to my fics in this fandom has been nothing short of amazing. Also, to those of you who constantly review chapter after chapter, I hope you find a twenty on the ground, because you guys are pretty much my favorite people ever :)

CHAPTER TWELVE
Blame

"Find my mom," Henry had requested before she left. "Make sure she's okay."

Honestly, that was the very last thing that Emma wanted to do. She was hoping that she could find Baelfire and get back before Regina even realized she had left, as she knew the woman wouldn't be happy with the choices she had made, but maybe that was a stupid wish in the first place. Regina would find out sooner or later that she had left Henry behind, and the repercussions of that weren't going to be pretty whether they were over the phone or in person.

Emma tried to convince Henry that his mother was fine – that she had been calling nearly every day so it wasn't as though she was lying in a ditch somewhere – but Henry looked up at her with his big hazel eyes, the corners of his lips turning down into a pout and god damnit, now Emma was standing outside some three star motel in Waterville, Maine, nervously wringing her hands together as she stared at the number thirty-two etched onto one of the doors across the way.

She probably should have called first.

Emma was aware that she was being manipulated by her son, as it was obvious Henry knew that Regina was fine and had just wanted them to see each other, yet because Emma had some kind of masochistic streak within her, she obliged him. She felt terrible though, knowing that Henry was hurting because of his parents' break up, and even though Emma knew that checking in on Regina wasn't going to magically fix everything, she figured the kid deserved the peace of mind that this small gesture would bring him.

And then she would be on her way come morning, because there was no way she was going to stay around Regina while she looked for Baelfire.

Gathering up her courage, Emma took a deep breath and headed towards the door. She could do this; it was just one day. One day that was no doubt going to be filled with the sound of Regina's screaming over her questionable choices, but one day no less. And really, how hard could one day be?

Famous last words.

[x]

As it turned out, one day could be very hard.

There was a moment, just briefly, when Regina had opened the motel room door, that Emma foolishly allowed herself to be deluded into thinking that this might not go over badly after all. The look on Regina's face as she took in the sight of her pierced Emma's heart with an inconceivable warmth; something that should she had not been expecting the radical opposite, she would've despised for the comfort it easily brought her. Comfort was not something she wanted from Regina, yet as the woman looked at her as though the mere sight of her was some kind of welcomed gift, Emma had stupidly allowed the relief to wash over her at being accepted in a situation where she believed she would not be.

But then Regina's gaze wandered and, not seeing Henry in tow behind her, quickly switched her expression to one of fear and accusation as she demanded, "Where is my son?"

It felt like a kick in the stomach after believing, even for a moment, that this wasn't going to end in argument, and Emma immediately lashed out, the word 'my' in Regina's sentence bringing back old memories and old arguments that, after everything, they should have been far past. Yet still, the two of them had always been volatile at the best of times and, well, there had always been so much truth in the expression that old habits die hard.

They were living proof of that.

"How could you just leave him there?!" Regina shouted, unable to accept Emma's explanation as logical. She was pacing back and forth in her small motel room, the rapid movement making the blonde a little dizzy. Regina's hands were wringing together, the force of her own grip making her knuckles flash white; she was panicking, and pretty severely too.

"I wasn't going to drag a ten-year-old kid halfway across the world, Regina!" Emma exclaimed, not understanding how Regina couldn't see her side of this. "He has school and… fuck, I don't know where I'm gonna end up at the end of it all, okay? Or how long this is going to take me. I mean, for fuck's sake, Baelfire could be hiding out in the slums with a crack pipe in his hand because he couldn't deal with how different this world was, or—Jesus, what did you expect? You're always on about me being a proper parent to him and that's what I'm trying to do, okay? The road is no place for a kid and… I mean, he needs stability, right? Storybrooke is his home, Regina; at least for now."

"We are his home!" Regina shouted, her eyes darkening in anger. "Storybrooke is now his prison, thanks to you. You may not be able to get back, and then what? You should have brought him and dropped him off with me, but because your tiny little brain has been so inebriated as of late, you didn't even think of that, did you?"

Emma faltered for a moment, because no, she really hadn't. It just seemed like the smart thing to do, the right thing to do, entrusting Henry to Mary Margaret and David. Still, the accusation in Regina's tone as she mentioned her alcoholism darkened her expression, and she shot back with, "You know, last time I checked, you didn't exactly have a say in Henry's care anymore, Regina. Mary Margaret awarded me custody, and I did what I damn well thought was the right thing to do. And you can think whatever the hell you want, but I am going to get back to him one way or another. Unlike you, I'm not gonna drown myself in pessimism, because you know what the hell that accomplishes? Nothing."

Regina's eyes flashed dangerously, yet she said nothing. Instead, Emma saw her cheek twitch in aggravation, the brunette having set her jaw. There was hesitation, but it was only brief before Regina took a few steps towards her, placing herself very much in Emma's personal bubble. "How many?" she asked, her eyes searching Emma's for truth as she posed a repeated question that the blonde had always lied to her about day after day.

Not today though. Today, she had no one to care for but herself, and thus the shame she felt lessened quite significantly. Besides, the number was not high. She was… she was getting better. Sort of.

"Two," Emma answered evenly, despite her confusion on the abrupt change of topic. "One this morning, and a nip in the parking lot before I saw you."

"You're competent then?"

Emma looked at her as though she were stupid. "Obviously." She could stand up straight and she wasn't slurring, so…

"Good," Regina answered, before her lips turned up into a sneer, her anger returning in a second and with a barreling force. "This will hurt then."

Emma didn't know why she hadn't expected it, especially after the bullshit of custody that she had just spewed to her out of anger, yet when Regina's open palm connected with her cheek, the force of the blow made tears sting in the back of her eyes as she gasped in pain. "Fucking Christ!" she shouted, holding her reddened flesh as she stumbled backwards. "What the—!"

"Until you have paperwork that proves otherwise, Henry belongs to me," Regina sneered, her fierce tone silencing Emma within a moment. "Do not foolishly delude yourself into thinking that because I feel for you, that gives you power. I could have left with him and you could have done nothing to stop it, and yet out of the goodness of my heart I allowed him to stay with you; not because you have a legal right to him, but because he is your son too and I knew he couldn't bear to be separated from you for the rest of his life."

Regina took another step towards her, getting within inches of Emma's face as she continued, "So don't you dare stand there and preach about your mother's ruling, when you know that it's worthless. You said yourself at my sentencing that it was bullshit, did you not? So tell me, dear, what changed?" Off of Emma's silence, Regina concluded for her, "Nothing. You act like such a petulant child at times. I hurt you, so you hurt me; such a mature reaction for someone nearing their thirties."

"Pot, kettle, don't you think?" Emma shot back. "What the hell do you call slapping me then? What I said might have been crap, Regina, but it still hurt you, and you still retaliated. Not very mature for someone nearing their…" she hesitated for a second, doing quick math in her head before her expression changed to disbelief as Regina's true age dawned on her. "Jesus Christ, what are you, like over sixty now?"

"I'm thirty four," Regina corrected dangerously.

Emma outwardly scoffed at that. "Yeah, but for how long?" she challenged, which was only met with a furious glare. "Wow, talk about robbing the cradle, Regina."

Emma knew it was a low-blow, considering the fucked up circumstances of their entire lives, yet that little fact still seemed to bother Regina, and so her offhanded jab produced a furious reaction. "I will not be judged for circumstances beyond my control!" she exclaimed, her anger increasing the decibel of her tone. "It wasn't as though I asked to fall for you, Emma; if I had my choice of things, the very last person I would ever want to be tied to is the daughter of my mortal enemy. It wasn't as though I planned this."

"You still knew what you were doing when you slept with me," Emma responded heatedly. "You knew who I was, you knew where I came from, who I came from; and yet you did it anyway!"

"Well excuse me for having a sex drive that, at times, overruns my good sense like every other red-blooded human!" Regina shot back. "What the hell would you like me to say? You were attractive and I was foolish and perhaps, just perhaps, I got this small, sick sense of accomplishment by bedding and corrupting Snow White's daughter. Sleeping with you satisfied me, Emma, on quite a lot of different levels, since you seem so keen on knowing what ran through my head at the beginning of it all."

Emma's mouth dropped open in insult. It wasn't really surprising, but it was one thing to suspect and another to have it thrown in her face. Her stupid 'destiny' was already tied to her parents; she didn't need everything else in her life to be as well. "Is that all it was for you then? Just some kind of fucked up payback for my mother? Jesus, Regina, you need to be put on medication; there's obsessive and then there's crazy."

"People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, Miss Swan," Regina reminded her harshly. "Or will you be attending an AA meeting any time soon?"

Emma's eyes flashed, her fists clenching at her sides from the harsh truth she really never wanted to face about herself. "Fuck you."

Regina snorted in amusement, the reaction meant to only infuriate the blonde further. "You always were so eloquently spoken, my dear. I shudder to think of the poetry you would have written me, should your disastrous upbringing have taught you how to properly court someone."

"My upbringing?" Emma exclaimed fiercely, seeing red as something inside of her snapped. She furiously pushed Regina backwards, nearly making her fall. She would have, if Emma hadn't grabbed onto the front of her shirt, roughly pulling her towards her snarling face. "I grew up in the system, I grew up without parents, without anyone to give a shit because of you! So you can go shove that high and mighty attitude up your ass, because you are not and will never be better than me, Regina! If anything, you're worse, because at the end of the day, I don't even think you care what you did to me, do you? You're not even sorry!"

Regina was breathing heavily, her pupils dilated and lips parted as she stared at the furious expression plastered on the other woman's face. She didn't take Emma's hands off of her, nor did she try to move away from her. She just took her in for a moment before exhaling a heavy breath and admitting, "No, I am not. Because if I hadn't done what I did, then I would have never gotten Henry and… and I never would have had you."

The emotions that Emma felt at those words were both conflicting and harsh, making her love and hate simultaneously. Furious tears stung the back of her eyes and Emma pushed Regina off of her, backing up a few steps to establish space; to run away. "You're the most selfish fucking person I've ever met," she choked out, not knowing what to say other than that.

It was a selfish reason, yet it held a truth that couldn't be ignored. Henry wouldn't have been born if Regina hadn't cast the curse, and with their age difference, not to mention Regina's feud with her parents, they would have certainly never had been together otherwise. And while sometimes Emma wished things had been different, there was also a part of her that didn't want it to be; which, at the end of the day, was the entire reason she refused the potion that Mary Margaret had offered her. Despite how shitty everything had turned out, she was happy, even if it was just for a second. Emma had so few happy memories that she wasn't so quick to destroy one of the only ones she had.

Still, that happiness seemed to come with a price, which was the hardest thing that Emma had ever had to pay.

"How the hell am I supposed to love someone that doesn't even regret what their revenge did to me?" Emma asked her, her voice cracking under the strain of her emotions as she pushed the hair back from her face. She didn't know how they had gotten here; weren't they just yelling about Henry a minute ago? But even as she thought it, Emma knew she shouldn't have been surprised; this was a conversation, a confrontation that they had both avoided, and one that was long overdue.

Still, that didn't mean that Emma wanted to have it. Not right now. Everything was still so… she just—she wasn't ready. She was too goddamn sober for this right now.

"Of course I'm sorry for the pain that it brought you," Regina responded, looking at her as though she couldn't understand how Emma could even think that. "What kind of person do you think I am?"

Emma looked at her incredulously, "You just said—!"

"If I could do it all again, I wouldn't change a thing," Regina told her honestly. "But that doesn't mean that I don't feel deeply sickened, every day of my life, that my choice hurt you. I love you, Emma, more than I ever thought possible, but some things matter more. Henry matters more; and he always will, because he is our child. That's why we came to this arrangement, wasn't it? Because if he didn't matter more to you, there would be no conceivable way that you would ever contemplate being around me like this. You put him above yourself, above me; and I do the same thing. Don't ever fault me for that."

Emma felt like she was spinning. This was too much, she didn't—couldn't do this right now. Yelling about Henry, that was safe. Yelling about them, talking about… about everything, that was—no, she just—

"I'm not faulting you for loving him, I'm faulting you for loving me!" Emma suddenly exclaimed, rounding fiercely on the older woman as anger and blame shown in her eyes. Regina's expression instantly masked into one of confusion.

"…What?"

That was probably a good question. Emma didn't even know what she meant, just that she knew she meant it.

You, you, this is your fault, you did this. You did this to me. You did this to us.

"Emma?"

Emma's breathing had shallowed and she backed up towards the door, holding out her hands to try to keep Regina from advancing on her. Quite suddenly, she found that she really couldn't handle this anymore. She felt dizzy and overwhelmed and so she stuttered, "I just… I can't do this right now, Regina. I have to—I have to go."

You did this. I did this. We did this. But it had to just be you, I need it to just be you.

"Emma, no, wait—" Regina tried, her own anger dissipating as she saw the look of pure panic on Emma's face. Suddenly it looked as though she wanted nothing more than to fix it, but if that were true, wouldn't she have fixed it when Emma practically begged her to a few weeks ago?

She couldn't fix this. They couldn't fix this.

Had Emma been stupid, to actually believe that she could do this for the rest of her life? Before, when they didn't talk about them, it had been easier. Hard as hell, but so much damn easier than this. Emma didn't want to know Regina's side of it, because it blurred lines that she needed to stay solid, for the sake of her own sanity.

She wanted Regina to be sorry for what she did, yet at the same time, she didn't want her to be at all; because if Regina didn't care about what she had done to her, Emma would be able to hate her. God, she needed to hate her, because if she didn't, the only other choice was to love her, and she just—she couldn't do that. It was too hard, and there never really seemed to be an in between for them.

Before, when the curse broke and Regina begged for forgiveness, Emma rationalized it as her not wanting things to change. That she was sorry for being caught, for what being caught had done to them, more than the act of what she had done. And still, in a way Regina wasn't really sorry at all for casting the curse, but instead of being sorry for being caught, she was sorry for the repercussions that came before Emma even knew about it being cast. And that… fuck, Emma didn't want to know that.

She didn't want to know that Regina actually felt badly about how she was forced to grow up, because that meant she really did care.

Which was probably stupid to realize, as True Love and all that, but fuck, ignorance was bliss, and now Emma had neither. And that scared her, because there was so much more that they needed to address, so much more that needed to be said, that would probably do nothing else but force more cracks into her resolve.

Emma Swan had painted a clear picture of the Evil Queen, and Regina Mills was inevitably going to ruin the only thing, the only separation that gave her a sense of sanity.

"Don't—please don't look for me," Emma hastily demanded as she wrenched open the door, even though she knew that probably wouldn't stop Regina in the slightest. "I'll call you when I find Baelfire, okay? I just—we can't do this right now. I'm sorry."

And then she was gone, leaving Regina to run out after her, yet only managing to catch the taillights of her bug as Emma drove away from the motel, not able to stomach looking back.

[x]

Emma had no idea where she was.

In the end though, it probably didn't matter. Or at least, she was far too drunk to even care that it probably really did matter. It was a bar, that much was a given. At least the fourth one she had visited that night, as she figured that hopping around would make Regina less likely to find her. She knew the sorceress wasn't stupid, and would know the minute that she ran her ass out of that motel room in a panic, that it could only mean one thing: that she was going to drink herself stupid over the next few hours. Emma had half a mind to just go to the liquor store, buy a handle of the cheapest whiskey, and then get drunk in her car, but being alone only provoked brooding and thought and fuck, the last thing Emma wanted to think about was Regina.

Which was the sole reason she now found herself leaning against some random man, feeling his not-so-subtle erection straining against the seam of his jeans as she brought her umpteenth shot of the night to her lips. She smirked at him deviously after it was devoured. "Your turn," she told him smoothly, pressing into him just enough to make her intentions clear before handing him the cue stick and walking around the other side of the pool table.

As far as not being reminded of Regina went, she couldn't have picked someone more different. Male, rugged, and tattooed, he was everything that Regina was not. It wasn't as though she came here looking for a vast contradiction from the disaster of her current love life, but when the opportunity presented itself, it seemed too tempting to say no.

Emma would say it was to help her forget, but in the end, the amount of liquor she had already consumed was going to make the rest of the night spotty at best once she awoke in the morning. Maybe though, if nothing else, it would help her move on. But then again, if Emma had been sober, she would have laughed at herself for that thought.

There was no moving on. She was going to be tied to Regina for the rest of her life; that, it seemed, was her curse.

"How 'bout we get outta here?" the man offered instead, whose name Emma couldn't remember for the life of her. Not that it mattered, really. He was a means to an end. Something else followed, probably some crude innuendo that Emma would be glad she missed, because it would probably sway her from doing the stupid anyhow. And, well, at this level of intoxication, stupid was all that she wanted to do.

Besides, she had been here too long, and she was still paranoid that if she didn't continue to move, Regina would find her. She had no doubt that the woman was looking for her. It wasn't exactly in Regina's nature to let her walk away, especially when she was worried about her, which she was bound to be.

"Sure, whatever," Emma replied distractedly, her eyes on the door as her paranoia dominated everything else. But within a moment she forced herself to push it aside and bring her eyes back to the man that would most likely become her drunken regret come morning.

Smirking at him, she leaned against the pool table, though more to steady herself than to look suggestive. Hopefully she managed to do both anyhow, but she doubted it. She probably looked a mess. She felt like a mess. "But you gotta pay up first; you still owe me fifty bucks for whooping your ass. Twice."

Which, truthfully, she didn't know how she managed in the first place. Emma had to squint just to try to shoot the ball straight, so either the dude had let her win, or he was really bad at this game. Either way though, it didn't matter; a bet was a bet.

The man chuckled, placing the cue stick on the table before moving around it to come up behind her. He pressed himself into her, forcing her hips further against the edge of the table as he placed his hands on her waist. "How about I pay you in trade?" he asked suggestively, to which Emma couldn't help herself from snorting in response.

"As appealing as that sounds, I don't pay for my sex," Emma told him seriously, yet lightly enough to make the point without being overtly rude about it. She pushed her ass up against him, forcing him to back up a little to let her go. She might be entertaining the idea of sleeping with him, but that didn't mean she wanted to be smothered in the meantime. "So settle up and then we can go."

"Fine," he relented as he took out his wallet from his back pocket. "After all, I am a man of my word…" He handed a crisp bill to her and after holding it up to the light to check its legitimacy – out of force of habit more than anything else – Emma gave him a satisfied smile as she shoved it into her jeans pocket.

"Good," she responded with a small smirk. "Because I really don't like liars."

"And yet you find yourself attracted to those who wish to take advantage of your inebriation. Somehow, I don't find that to be a healthy alternative."

Emma nearly choked on her breath and she spun around so rapidly that she lost her footing, falling into the random strangers arms that Regina was standing there staring at as though she wished she could flay him alive on the spot. Still, though there was a fire in her eyes, she remained poised with her jaw set and her stature stiff.

Ridiculously, it almost impressed Emma, because she was sure that if she were the one to see someone all over Regina that she would have attacked the person without even taking a second to announce herself.

The guy's eyes flashed at the insinuation. "Hey, I'm not some kind of rapist; Ella here knows damn well what she's doin', so why don't you just back off and mind your own business, lady."

"When I want your opinion I will ask you for it, you ignorant swine," Regina snapped, her commanding tone silencing him in an instant, though probably more from shock than anything else. "And the fact that you don't even know her name doesn't exactly encourage me to leave her here with you. So why don't you run along and find another car to steal – or whatever it is that you do for fun – and leave me to take care of my wife, Emma."

Her… what now?

"Regina, what the fuck—"

"Be quiet," Regina shot back, glaring at her so fiercely that Emma actually felt about an inch tall, despite that fact that she wasn't actually cheating on her. Not really, and most definitely not because they were fucking married.

"I had to leave our son with the neighbors while I ran all around town looking for you, so excuse me if I'm not exactly in the mood to hear your drunken excuses," Regina continued, apparently on some kind of mission to humiliate her now that she had already started in on this little charade. "You're lucky I didn't call the cops on you for taking my father's Benz; he was furious when he realized it wasn't in the driveway. What were you thinking, Emma? Is this the kind of stuff you want the adoption agency to hear about when they come on Monday? I thought we had gotten past this!"

Oh.

My.

God.

Emma could do nothing else but just stare at Regina, her mouth hanging open in disbelief. Was she really—this was ridiculous, and yet the man she was with was buying it as though it was being fed to him with a silver fucking spoon.

His eyes widened, apparently having enough sense to not want to get in the middle of that much drama. "Oh. Shit, lady. I'm—I didn't…" he tried, but Regina hardly even spared him another glance as her hand clasped around Emma's wrist, not exactly being gentle as she pulled her away from him.

"We're leaving. Now," she said shortly, not giving Emma any room for argument as she practically manhandled her out of the bar. If Emma's brain hadn't just been short-circuited from the spew of bullshit that had fallen from Regina's lips, and if she hadn't already been ridiculously inebriated, she probably would have protested it sooner, but instead it took her being dragged nearly halfway through the bar's parking lot until she found her voice.

"Regina, what—what the ever living fuck?" Emma finally exclaimed, wrenching her arm from Regina's grasp just in front of the other woman's car. "We're not together anymore, so whatever or whoever I choose to do in my free time is my business! I mean, shit, are you mentally damaged? I told you not to look for me, and yet you're still stalking me like some kind of deranged psychopath!"

Regina whirled on her, her eyes darkening with anger and betrayal. "Believe me, Miss Swan, you do not want to do this here. Now get in the damn car before I have to force you into it. I'm warning you; this is not a discussion."

Emma snorted, her vision slightly hazed as she tried to focus on Regina's blurring form. She then spoke before she thought, and out of all of her stupid decisions tonight, that was probably the worst one yet. "Please, what are you going to do? Make me? You couldn't—"

But the rest of Emma's words left her as something snapped inside of Regina and she shoved her up against the side of the car, the force of it causing the alarm to start sounding out in the middle of the parking lot. The impact was so violent that it actually made her gasp out in pain as Regina pinned her to it, Emma's intoxication making it fairly easy for the woman to overpower her. "Fuck, damnit!" the blonde exclaimed in between heavy breaths, knowing the door handle had probably left a nasty bruise on her back.

"It seems you were right," Regina whispered fiercely into her ear, anger and sorrow tainting her words as she roughly gripped Emma's arm once more, leaving crescent marks embedded in her skin. "Perhaps I'm not that mature either. Because you hurt me, so in the end, isn't it logical that I hurt you…?"

Emma had to close her eyes, starting to feel nauseous from the force of impact. She didn't say anything for a long time, just listened to Regina's heavy breathing in her ear and the shrill whine of the car alarm, trying to still herself long enough to calm her churning stomach. Her head was pounding though, and the noise from Regina's Benz wasn't helping in the slightest, so finally Emma forced herself to say, "I'm sorry…"

"What was that, dear? I couldn't quite hear you," Regina sneered, her nails digging even deeper into Emma's forearm, making the blonde wince with such acute familiarity. The pain was almost comforting, and god, that was so fucked up, wasn't it?

"I'm sorry, okay? I just—" But frustration boiled over; her eardrums were ringing and her temples were throbbing, making it hard for her to think, let alone speak, so Emma quickly cut herself off with, "Damnit, can you just turn that fucking thing off?"

Regina stared at her for a long moment, teeth clenched as she seemed to debate on that before ultimately taking out her keys and pressing a button. The alarm finally shut off and Emma breathed a sigh of relief, slumping all of her weight against the car.

But Regina wasn't finished with her. "Say it again," she demanded, still not content on Emma's drunken apology that she wasn't even sure she meant.

Still, Emma reiterated, "I'm sorry, Regina."

Regina looked at her, taking in her expression, before asking, "Why?" The question was a test that Emma wasn't prepared for, and an answer came without thought because, fuck, she really was just too drunk to think anymore anyway.

"Because I'm yours."

That probably wasn't the right answer. Or maybe it really was, but it definitely wasn't the one Regina was expecting. She faltered for a moment, looking like she was actually going to protest that before thinking better of it. Breathing heavily with her subsiding anger, she finally released Emma and stepped away from her.

"Just get in the car," she told her shortly, seemingly unable to come up with a proper response to what Emma had said.

And Emma, beginning to feel her intoxication take her over completely, just did what she said, because in the end, when she was like this, she still trusted Regina more than she trusted herself.

TBC…