Author's Note:
Sorry for the delay! I wasn't able to finish this in time last week so I decided to just skip a whole other week so I could continue to post on Wednesdays, and in that time my muse went nuts and I ending up finishing like three chapters, haha. So now that I'm ahead again, there shouldn't be any more delays ^_^

There's quite a bit of drama in this chapter, but a lot of things are said that really needed to be, and with everything out in the open, it allows them to move forward in a much… uh, calmer way, haha. So I can assure you, some happier times are right around the corner! I can't guarantee they'll stay that way of course, but regardless, you guys will get a reprieve from the angst very soon.

CHAPTER TWENTY ONE
Truth

"You sent a fucking teenage girl—" Emma began slowly, her tone furious and disbelieving before something inside her seemed to snap and suddenly she was screaming, "What the hell is wrong with you?! She had already been separated from her family and you just—!"

"That is precisely why I chose her, Sherriff Swan," Gold interrupted, his fierce tone floating through the phone's speaker. Emma looked absolutely livid, her mouth pressed in a tight line. "There was no one to miss her. It was merely a test that needed to be performed; I assure you, dearie, it was nothing personal."

"Like that makes it any goddamn better…"

"Wait a moment," Regina interrupted, still feeling terribly confused. Just the mere mention of this girl's name seemed to allow Emma to know who she was, but Regina was still lagging behind. "Refresh my memory. This girl was—?"

"Seriously?" Emma asked, rounding on her in disbelief. "You curse every fairytale in existence and you don't even bother to learn who the hell you even sent here? Actually, no— more than that, you come to this world and you don't even watch any of the classics like The Wizard of Oz? Jesus, Regina; you really need to sort out your priorities."

"How on earth can you consider that 'more than that'?" Regina countered exasperatedly, believing that it was perhaps Emma who needed to sort out hers. "And do not sit here and lecture me about how I dealt with the curse, because I assure you, dear, I tried to familiarize myself with everyone in my town. It is hardly my fault that I cannot specifically remember every single one."

"Come on, Regina; Dorothy Gale?" Emma stressed, trying to jump start her memory. "Girl from Kansas who's house gets swept up in a tornado? It ends up landing in Oz and squashes the Wicked Witch of the West's sister—"

"Wait, are you talking about Elphaba?"

"Yes!" Emma exclaimed, sounding exasperated that it took Regina this long. But then she blinked, since that had seemed to elicit more memory than anything else. "Wait, did you know her or something?"

Regina waved her off and exhaled an irritated sigh. "The woman tried to enlist my help after a foreigner stole something from her, but believe me, I had much greater concerns to deal with than chasing a child all over creation on someone else's behest." A small shrug followed that as she continued, "Besides, she had nothing to offer me in return but a favor, and she isn't the most competent witch I've ever met. There was no foreseeable gain in it for me."

"Well aren't you a peach," Emma responded dryly. Regina bit back a sigh, not wanting to get into the politics of the Enchanted Forest and its neighboring realms right now; they had much more important things to discuss.

"Wait a minute," Emma said suddenly, her head snapping back towards the phone as something dawned on her. "Didn't Dorothy have friends; the scarecrow and the rest? Why aren't they looking for her?"

"How is that even relevant right now?" Regina questioned, looking at Emma like she didn't even know where this line of questioning was coming from. While she wasn't too thrilled with Gold's treatment of the child either, there was a point to be made, and Regina would rather it come soon so that they didn't have to continue speaking to him. He had already ruined the mood, and Regina could see that Emma's entire body was tense with aggravation, seemingly for more reasons than one now. "What I'm more concerned with, is what this child has to do with us getting back home. What does she possess that we do not?"

"Her slippers, dearie," Gold informed them, and Emma looked as though she might slap herself for not putting two and two together sooner as her jaw dropped in realization. "And to answer your question, Sherriff, it seems as though her friends believed that since she did not belong to their world, that she merely returned to her own once the curse was cast. How fortunate for all of us that they were wrong, hmm?"

Regina wasn't surprised by his answer; Gold would have, of course, covered all of his bases before acting. If he was good at one thing, it was getting what he wanted with no one being the wiser.

Emma side-glanced the phone. She still looked furious on Dorothy's behalf, if not growing even more so with each passing minute. "You're still a dick, Gold. She's just a kid, and you threw her out on her ass in a world that's like seventy plus years into her future. I mean, that's gotta be one hell of a mindfuck, and you really don't even care about that, do you?"

"No, dearie; I believe it's safe to say that I do not," Gold informed her, his uncaring tone filtering through the phone's speaker. "Now, if we could get back down to business…?"

Emma's anger radiated off her in waves, and in an effort to calm herself down so she could focus, she pushed herself off the bed – away from the phone, away from the person who was infuriating her – and began to pace. Regina watched her for a moment, her brow slightly furrowed as she tried to understand why a stranger's fate held so much meaning to her. It wasn't as though Regina was alright with how Gold had treated the child either, but there was no use getting upset over what had already been done, especially when it provided them with such a gain.

And perhaps that was terrible, but Regina would always put Henry above everyone else. It didn't matter if said person were a child or adult; her son would always come first. And right now, there was a small part Regina that was thankful Gold did what he did, for despite it being awful for the young girl caught in the middle of it all, the situation had provided them with a path back to their son. That had to count for something.

"Speak then, if you're so inclined to steer this conversation back on course," Regina snapped impatiently to him as she rose from her seat on the mattress, picking up Emma's t-shirt from off the ground and wordlessly holding it out to the woman. It was obvious they wouldn't be picking up where they left off, and Emma looked slightly awkward in her nude stature of rage. Regina figured she would just be more comfortable in dealing with everything, should they be clothed.

But when Emma's eyes caught hers, there was more behind her gaze than just surprise at the sudden offer. There was vulnerability behind them, hidden deep behind just the slightest flicker of disappointment. But then a wall formed before Regina's eyes, hardening Emma's gaze back to the rage she felt towards Gold, and in an instant the article of clothing was taken from her grasp. The blonde stepped away from her then to redress herself, and Regina felt something stir in her gut that she didn't want to analyze, as they didn't have the time right now.

As Regina started gathering her own clothes from off the floor, Gold continued, "What that child possesses is one of the most powerful magical objects I have ever come across. Those slippers allow one to walk through realms, even time itself. And while magic lies dormant throughout most of this world, should Snow White's claim be true, you both should find no trouble tapping into their power so that you may return. So, unless someone's been lying to me…"

Regina's spine prickled with contempt as she clasped her bra. She could hear the baiting tone in Gold's voice, and she didn't approve of it one bit. Regina wasn't foolish enough to confirm Snow's claim as truth, but she wasn't foolish enough to believe Gold would believe her if she denied it either. Instead, she opted to go with, "If these slippers are as powerful as you say, why on earth did you allow them out of your sight in the first place?"

The question was challenging, as she knew Gold, and the last thing he would let go of was power. Not unless there was some gain for him in doing so.

The man chuckled. "Is it so farfetched that I gave her something familiar out of kindness, Your Majesty?"

But it wasn't Regina who answered, it was Emma. "Yeah," she stressed, tone still biting as she roughly threw her shirt over her head. "So just cut the crap and tell us why you needed them out of town."

"Precautionary measures," Gold answered vaguely, which didn't surprise Regina in the slightest. He wasn't exactly one to share his business. "It was hardly the first I've taken, and it won't be the last. But, as such, I happen to be aware of exactly where they are now, should the time have ever arose when I was in need of them again."

"What the fuck did you do, put some kind of tracker on them?" Emma accused, nearly tripping over her jeans as she hurriedly stepped into them. Regina's hand instinctively reached out to steady the woman, but Emma barely spared her a glace, still glaring at the phone. "On her?"

"I merely made certain that she would be found by the right people once she left our lovely little homestead," Gold told her, the smirk evident in his tone. He knew he was getting to Emma, and he cared nothing of reeling it back in. "And found she was, by a gentleman named Officer Rodwell, I believe, who sent her off to the Department of Health and Human Services in Augusta, where as far as I am aware, she has resided ever since."

Emma looked like she was about to break something, and finally it clicked. Regina didn't know how she hadn't put two and two together before this, but now she felt utterly foolish for not realizing why this was such a sore spot for Emma sooner. The woman was fostered nearly all of her childhood, a runaway at such a young age, left to survive in a world that sought to take advantage of her youth and perceived innocence, and although they never spoke explicitly on the subject, Regina knew that couldn't have been easy for her. In fact, she was fairly certain it was very, very far from it.

"Emma…" Regina tried softly, placing a hand on the blonde's shoulder to try to show her that she, at the very least, understood what it was that was bothering her now. But Emma clearly did not wish to be coddled right then, and she brushed Regina off and took a step back, holding out her hands to ward her away as she shook her head.

"Just… do me a favor and deal with the rest of this shit, okay?" It was a rhetorical question however, as Emma was already buttoning up her jeans and on her way to the door. She needed space, and although Regina understood that, she wished that for once, Emma might trust her enough to share how she was feeling. "I gotta—I should tell Neal we're heading out soon. I'll be back."

And then she was gone, the door shut firmly behind her as Emma retreated away from harsh reminders of her own past, and the current reminder that despite that part of her life being over, it didn't mean that others wouldn't fall victim to the same terrible routines.

The amused nature of Gold's question was evident when he asked, "Something I said…?"

And God, Regina couldn't wait until karma finally came around for a piece of the smug bastard; she just wished it would be sooner, rather than later.

[x]

When Emma returned a few hours later, Regina was sitting at the small desk in the corner of the room, her lips pursed into a tight line as she stared at the screen of her laptop. She had made their flight arrangements quite a while ago, but she had been so caught up in her own thoughts that she hadn't clicked from the confirmation page yet. She just sat there, consumed with what Gold had casually revealed after Emma left, and hearing the woman return immediately made every muscle in Regina's body tense from the unpleasant conversation that was sure to follow.

"When were you going to tell me?"

The question hung in the air, and Regina could hear Emma inhale a sharp breath from behind her. The seconds ticked onwards, and then there was a soft thump as the blonde fell defeatedly against the door, the weight of the secret she had been keeping washing over her. Regina didn't have to be looking at her to know that Emma's hand was tangled in her hair, as it was a familiar gesture when she was confronted with something unexpectedly overwhelming for her, but neither did she wish to turn around and confirm her assumption either. So instead Regina kept staring at the computer screen, trying not to notice how tight her throat had gotten once she had broached the delicate subject.

"When I figured out if it was true or not."

It was said softly, almost tiredly, as though this was the very last thing Emma needed right now. And perhaps it was, as Emma's visits with Neal weren't exactly known to go smoothly, but Regina was far from caring about that right now.

"And how, pray tell, were you planning on deducing that?" Regina asked sharply, finally swiveling in her chair to face the blonde against the door, watching the woman's hand tug helplessly on the back of her neck as she sighed heavily.

"I don't—I just… I don't know, didn't think it was worth worrying you about right now, okay?" Emma tried, her tone imploring for Regina not to make a huge deal out of this. "I mean, we have so much other crap going on, and I just thought—"

"This isn't just about you, Emma!" Regina exclaimed, looking at her incredulously. Sometimes she really couldn't fathom the woman's train of thought; how on earth did this not fall on her scale of importance right now? "And if we're being honest, I think we both know that it probably isn't about you at all. You should have told me, you should have—!"

"I was just trying to protect you, okay?!" Emma shouted, unwilling to be chastised for her actions. She almost looked offended for it, if Regina was reading her expression correctly. And after pushing herself off the wall in a huff, Emma continued to defend herself with a fierce, "I mean, fuck, Regina, sorry for actually taking your feelings into account for once, but I didn't want you consumed with all this curse bullshit until I had an actual solution to give you for it! Explain to me how the hell that makes me in the wrong right now, because I don't see it."

The gesture, however misguided, caused a pang in Regina's chest as she looked at the woman before her. Things had been so rocky between them lately that even the thought of Emma wanting to protect her from anything meant something, but that still didn't diminish the fact that Emma had been keeping something like this from her. She had no right to, especially when they both knew that the likelihood fell on her being the one who had been cursed.

And God, that raised so many questions about her life that Regina, for the life of her, did not want to face right now. It was just too much.

Regina swallowed, trying to push down all of the concerns that sprouted from such a theory, and shook her head as her gaze fell on the far wall. "I shouldn't have had to hear it from him," Regina stressed, as Gold wasn't exactly delicate about the matter, nor was he particularly sympathetic to it. In fact, he sounded almost gleefully amused that this could have befallen her, and that wasn't what she had needed right then. "I deserved to hear it from you, and yet your foolish need to coddle me like some kind of incompetent child—"

"That wasn't—!" Emma tried, sounding exasperated as she cut off Regina's train of thought. She threw out her hands haplessly before sinking down on the bed, falling onto her back as she ran her hand down her face, exhaling a frustrated sigh. "Christ, Regina, it wasn't like—I mean, I obviously would have told you eventually. Fuck. I just… I thought it was the right thing, okay? I didn't want to upset you." Taking her hands away from her face, Emma's palms slapped down on the mattress as she breathed out her aggravation. "Sorry I fucked it all up. But apparently that's just… it's what I do now, right? Screw it. I give up."

"Stop," Regina told her firmly, not about to let the woman go back down that road of utter self-loathing, as she knew exactly what lay at the end of it all. "Stop pitying yourself, Emma; I'm getting tired of it. You've made mistakes, but they don't define who you are. And this, by far, is the least of them, so perhaps—"

"Okay, you know what? No," Emma cut her off, sitting up suddenly to look at the brunette across the room. Her gaze was piercing, judgmental, as she came back with, "That is probably the most hypocritical thing I've ever heard you say, Regina, because what the hell have you been doing lately, except define yourself from your mistakes? Don't call me out on that shit when you're in the same damn boat, okay? Cause that's fucked."

Regina noticeably bristled in defense. "What on earth are you talking about? I haven't been—"

"No?" Emma challenged, her arms stiff as she held herself upwards, a fire in her eyes that was so very hard to ignore. Emma had apparently decided that should they barrel down this road, then she wasn't about to pull any punches, and so she spoke her blunt honesty without any hesitation. "Then tell me where the hell the woman I fell in love with went; tell me why you've been acting this way lately, if it's not in some desperate need to prove that you're different. I might wallow in my self-pity like some kind of pathetic nothing, but you let it change who you are under the bullshit pretense that this is the real you. But I fucking know you, Regina, and it's not."

Regina's jaw slacked, offense coloring her face at the other woman's words. How dare she belittle her attempt to make amends for what she had done. She wasn't putting up some kind of façade, she was merely trying to show that there was more to her than all the evil she had done. And yes, fine, perhaps that did mean that she was defining herself by her mistakes on some level, but at least she didn't mope around and consistently put herself down because of it! What was done was done; Regina knew that, and knew better than to wallow in it to gather sympathy, or whatever Emma's endgame was when she spoke like that.

"I don't know who you thought you fell in love with, Miss Swan, but I can assure you, she's right in front of you," Regina snapped, unable to understand how Emma couldn't see that. "So I don't know what the hell it is that you want of me right now, but—"

"I want you to stop letting me walk the fuck all over you!" Emma exclaimed furiously, pushing herself up off the bed as she gestured wildly with her hands, looking beyond frustrated at this point. "I thought I wanted it, you know? Thought you deserved to be beneath me after everything you fucking did, but everything about this is just wrong and you… you're so goddamn consumed by all this guilt that you're treating me like I should call the shots with everything when clearly, if the past few months have demonstrated anything, I obviously shouldn't be allowed to do, because all I ever fucking do is screw it up anyway!"

"I don't—God, I don't want you to be my sacrificial lamb, okay?!" Emma exclaimed, looking at Regina helplessly, her feelings having completely overwhelmed her as she spilled out truths she couldn't hold inside any longer. "I don't want you to take my abuse because you think you deserve it, because even if you do, you're still a goddamn human being, you know? I treat you like shit, Regina, and all you do in return is take care of me. I use you when it's convenient and you let me; I mean, Jesus, I even abused our safe word and you turned me being a complete asshole into some fucked up declaration of—I don't know, loyalty, or whatever, and did I really deserve it? No. I don't deserve half the shit you give me, and you know it, and I just wish that for once you would chew me the fuck out because maybe, if nothing else, we might actually have a chance of feeling normal again!"

Regina's stomach sat heavily in her gut, each sentence that came pouring out of Emma's mouth causing her to grow more and more sick with the weight of it. She felt like she was being slapped in the face; like everything she had done since the curse broke was so irrelevant once the surface was scratched and the ugly truth shown beneath it. Because despite how horrible, how sick, how angry Emma's words made her, Regina knew that on some level she was speaking the truth. She had coddled her. She had given Emma too much control, and far more sympathy than she probably deserved. And at the time, Regina had believed it to be for the best. She believed after what she had done, she deserved to be fairly sacrificial when it came to the woman that she loved. But what had it achieved, really? All it did was allow them both to sink deeper into a routine that wasn't healthy for either of them.

And so Regina stood, her anger over the entire situation getting the better of her as her eyes flashed and she advanced on her. "You want the truth?" she challenged, as though Emma should have really known better than to even ask. "You want to know how I feel?"

Emma tried to speak, perhaps to tell her yes, but Regina didn't care anymore what she wanted; she was going to tell her regardless now. She was done.

"You're a pathetic shadow of the woman I fell in love with, Miss Swan," Regina began fiercely, not watering down the truth at all anymore. "You're selfish, childish, and weak, and every single day, instead of trying to move past your addiction and grow from it, you wallow in the repercussions of it, expecting me to pick up the pieces after each of your incessant breakdowns, because you know damn well that no one else would even care to deal with this level of utter ridiculousness. I already have one child, Emma, and I don't care to have another! You are an adult, and you need to learn to deal with your problems like one, because I am not here to hold your hand as you stumble through life in some kind of rampant display of utter juvenility."

Emma looked wounded by that, but Regina didn't care, because she was far from over.

"I look at you now, and the worst part of how I feel isn't that I'm heartbroken by what you've become, but that I'm starting to honestly get worried that I'm going to be stuck with it, stuck with you for the rest of my life; that I'm gonna be roped into constantly fixing you when I can't even begin to fix myself, and I despise you for never thinking of me in such a regard. You don't care enough to help me, because then you wouldn't feel like the entire world is revolving around you, and I hate that more than you could ever possibly imagine."

Regina could feel the emotion beginning to burn hot in her chest, and furious tears prickled the back of her eyes as she pointed at her and accused, "Because you are not the only one who's world collapsed that day. I spent so much of my life miserable and alone, searching for happiness that I never believed I'd ever have, and by what I can now only imagine was some cruel joke, I seemed to have found that in you, and then almost immediately afterwards got blackmailed into completely destroying it. That was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, the most painful thing I have ever had to do, and every single day, a part of me wishes that I had never told you I loved you at all, and just allowed Gold to publish those damn pictures, because then at least I would have someone who cared enough to try to make things better."

"But I don't," Regina choked out, her emotions getting the best of her as a hot tear slipped down her cheek. "I have you. A woman who I am so irrevocably in love with, that seems to only have a mere sliver of who I once cared for inside of them now. And like an idiot I continue to reach for it, because you… being with you, it was the only time I felt truly whole. But that sliver has become so buried beneath all this anger and self-loathing that all I'm doing now is probably just proving myself a complete masochist, because I don't think she's coming back. I don't think my Emma is coming back, and God, I hate you for practically suffocating the life out of her."

"Because she was… she was strong, and she was beautiful, and so incredibly fierce," Regina told her, sorrow straining her words as she remembered what they used to have, who they used to be. "Yet she was also tender, patient, loving. And I miss such insignificant little things about it all, like how she would always smile so brightly when I would cut her pancakes into these… God, these stupid little shapes that she insisted upon—"

The sound that poured from Emma's lips then was so devastatingly sad; it was this choked little sob that sounded almost like a hiccup from how tight her throat had become, and a hand flew over the blonde's mouth as tears spilled down her cheeks. "Stop," she begged, the words coming out terribly distressed. "God, please stop…"

But Regina couldn't. It was all coming out now, for better or for worse, and she just had to continue until she had no more truth left to give her. "And it's… it's terrible, because I find myself wanting to do that for you again, just so maybe I could see her again just once, just one tiny look on your face that will make me remember what it was like to be happy with her, and that's… it's pathetic." Her hand fisted in her shirt, right above her heart, where it ached so badly that Regina could hardly bear it anymore. "Because at the end of the day, I'm just as bad as you; I'm just as weak, just as selfish. I want the woman I love back so badly that I've begun to wish away your pain for my own reasons, and not because it would help you. And I don't…. love isn't supposed to be that way, is it? And yet…"

Regina's words fell away from nothing, tears of distress and loss staining her cheeks as her heart clenched painfully in her chest. Emma had looked so wounded when she had begun on the little tirade that she had asked for, but it wasn't until Regina began to speak about the woman that she used to be that she had fallen completely apart, looking more lost than Regina thought she had ever seen her be since she had known her. Emma's hand that was pressed against her lips was shaking as she stared at her, until she allowed her body to do the only thing that felt natural to her, and she crossed the distance between them, allowing the weight of her distress to fall against Regina's chest.

And Regina clung to her, because despite how broken they both were, Emma was the only thing in her life that felt solid anymore.

"I wish I never told you I loved you either," Emma breathed against her chest, sounding like she hated herself for even admitting that out loud. Regina knew the feeling. "I wish nothing changed, that you were still… still doing stupid things like fussing over how I always forget my umbrella, and not worrying about if I'll screw up again and drink every time we're apart. I wish that you would have spent the rest of your life not knowing if I loved you for who you really were, just because it would have been so much easier. And that's fucked, isn't it? We're so fucked, Regina…"

"And I'm sorry," she choked out, her hands fisting in Regina's shirt as she pressed her face further into her breasts as Emma allowed herself to feel everything, and could barely do anything else but cry. "I was supposed to be… better than this, you know? I used to be. I used to be—I was strong, wasn't I? I dealt with all the shit life threw at me, but this… it—it broke me, and I don't even really know why. Why was it that this was the moment when it all finally became too much, when I'm supposed to be this fucking bullshit Savior? What the hell kind of Savior becomes drunk and miserable instead of standing tall and dealing with… with the fact that…."

"Say it," Regina encouraged, the words coming out scratchy and raw. She knew she needed to do this, needed to face it. "Just… just accept it, Emma, because no matter how much you try to immerse yourself in denial, it's never going away. Just say it."

Emma took a shuddered inhale of breath, the air being exhaled hot against Regina's skin as the blonde blinked back tears, and tried to stand tall once more. "I… I was born in a world that I thought was just a fairytale," she began, her voice trembling with the weight of the truth she kept trying to suppress in favor of her sanity. "Magic is… it's fucking real, and the woman I love is—she's addicted to it, and basically became the movie villain I used to be scared of as a child, only a thousand times worse. I fell in love with the Evil Queen. I fell in love with a murderer, and yet she's still the most perfect woman I've ever known and it… I-I don't know how to be okay with that. But I… I want to, and I… I want…"

Emma lost the battle with her emotions then and she choked back another sob, trying to continue, trying to face the truth she tried to use alcohol to run away from. "I want my parents to tell me that they're sorry," she admitted in a soft voice. "I want… I want them to regret sending me away; even if it was to save everyone. I want them to tell me that they hated that I had to grow up alone, but all my… all my…"

"Say it," Regina softly encouraged again, her heart beating heavily in her ribcage. She felt like she was going to be sick from Emma's words about how horrible the stories about her turned out to be, but she suppressed it in order for Emma to finish. Because she needed to finish; she needed to deal with this.

"My mother," Emma spat out, the word sounding so angry and distressed as she allowed herself to finally view Snow as the mother that abandoned her. "All my mom is fucking concerned with is how my love life broke me, but I was fucked so much earlier than that because of her. Because of her and my Dad, and I don't—I don't fucking care if they don't know how to deal with their guilt, and are only trying to focus on what they think they can fix, because that's for you to; not… not them. They need to fix what they did, and it makes me feel like they must not even care, to never talk about it. To never try, when all I wanted my whole life was to know that I mattered to them. That they were sorry for letting me go, but I don't… I don't know if they'll ever say it, and I—"

"Oh god," Emma breathed, unable to stop as her hands fisted tighter in Regina's shirt. "The worst part, the worst fucking part of all this, you know, was that it wasn't even them, was it? It was you. It was—this entire thing, my entire childhood was your fault, and yet I hate them more for it, and that's so fucked up. But you—you even tried to kill me, didn't you, after I was born? The book, it—"

"I didn't," Regina interrupted, her voice tight with the strain of that admission, and it got so much worse when Emma finally looked up at her in question, eyes glassy and vulnerable and so, so sad. "That… that damned book," she spat in contempt. "It's full of assumptions. I might have been cruel, but I would have never hurt a child. I came for you that night because, because I…"

Oh God, it was so terribly messed up, because of how everything had turned out between them. It made Regina feel dirty, but she probably owed Emma the truth, despite how it would sound. "I was going to take you from her," Regina admitted softly. "I was going to bring you to Storybrooke, and I was… I was going to raise you, like you were my own. You were—you were supposed to be my daughter, Emma. I wanted a child so very badly, and I wanted my revenge on your mother even more so. And doing that, it… it would have achieved both, but you were gone when I got there and… and I…"

"Jesus," Emma exhaled, allowing that secret to wash over her. Her eyebrows creased as she tried to work out how she felt about that, but Regina could see that she didn't have the first clue. "That's… that's some twisted shit, Regina. You wanted me as a daughter, and instead you… I mean, you knew who I was, and yet you started fucking sleeping with me and—"

"I know how it sounds," Regina admitted, shame coloring her cheeks as she finally allowed herself to feel how screwed up that really was. "But should you have stayed in Storybrooke with me, you would have never aged from an infant. And when I saw you for the first time, you were… very much a grown woman, and so I just… I tried not to think of it. I didn't dwell on an idle wish, because it never happened. But this… this happened."

"And is it better?" Emma challenged, the words sounding spiteful. "Is this really better? Or do you still wish that it had gone your way, that I would have been your fucking kid, and not some screwed up woman that you—"

"Stop it," Regina told her fiercely, grasping the underside of Emma's chin and forcing her to look in her eyes. "I may regret so many things in my life, but I will never regret falling in love with you; no matter how much it may hurt me, and no matter how unlikely it is that we'll ever be happy again. Do you understand me? I might not prefer this version of you, but I'm still so hopelessly in love with it, with you, that sometimes I don't know how to think straight."

"I was always meant to love you, Emma, and perhaps I could have loved you in another way, an easier way, but that doesn't mean that I would trade how I feel if I could. Would you?" Regina challenged. "Would you have rather had me as a mother who was there for you, and not as the woman who fell in love with you?"

"I…" Emma tried, and distress crossed over her face as she admitted, sounding so terribly self-loathing about it, "I don't know, because a part of me is like 'well at least then I would have had a mother who was around,' and that's… this is literally the most fucked up conversation we could ever have and it's making me feel sick, Jesus Christ…"

Emma tried to pull away, but Regina grasped her forearm and brought her back to her. "Emma," she told her strongly, trying to make her not feel ill for the very same reason she did when she thought of it. "Regardless of what I may have wished once, I am not your mother—"

"Yes, I'm fucking aware of that, thank you," Emma exclaimed furiously, sounding so terribly torn over the revelation that Regina was now regretting ever voicing. "And what's worse is that I'm painfully aware of the fact that, apparently, the only damn person in this world who actually wanted to be my mother and raise me, is the woman I'm currently sleeping with! So excuse me while that fucks with my head a little, alright?! I spent my entire life wanting someone to want me in that way, and—"

"Your mother, Snow, she did want you in that way—"

"Then why the hell did she let me go?!"

"Because I forced her to!" Regina shouted, the admission causing a terrible look of pain to wash across the other woman's face. And God, she didn't want to stand up for Snow, it was the very last thing Regina ever wanted to do, but it was the truth, and Emma needed to hear it. "I did this to you, Emma. And I'm sorry, I truly am, but it's my fault. I didn't give them a choice—"

"There was… there was always a choice, Regina," Emma told her, voice trembling as she wrapped her arms around her midsection. "She could have raised me like you wanted to; just kept me as a baby, frozen in time, but she let me go, and I hate her for that. I hate both of them for that, and I hate you for sticking up for them, when you're the reason my life became such shit in the first place."

Regina swallowed the lump in her throat, tears prickling the back of her eyes as she tried, somehow, to make it better, even though she knew she never could. "I'm sorry," she breathed. "Emma, I know it means nothing, I know it changes nothing, but I am so—"

"I know," Emma whispered, her fingers holding tighter to her own shirt as she admitted sadly, "And all I want… all I fucking need, is for them to be too. And that's what—that's what hurts, Regina. Because I don't think that, unless I ask for it, they'll tell me that they are. And I can't—I can't ask for it, because then it wouldn't mean anything, and I just…"

She dissolved into tears then, completely giving up on trying to hold herself together, and Regina gathered Emma up into her arms, holding the woman she loved as she fell apart. Emma grasped for her, pressing her face into her breasts as the abandoned child won out and her voice, it became so terribly small and innocent as she asked, "Why won't they just tell me they're sorry? Why… why is it that a woman who's supposed to be evil cares enough to feel sorry for what she did to me, but my own parents…?"

Regina's fingers tightened in Emma's hair, and she kissed the blonde's forehead as she shushed her. "I don't know, love," she whispered, hating that she didn't have an answer for her; hating that this had hurt Emma so much more than she had ever let on, hating that she somehow didn't see it beforehand. "I really don't know…"

And she didn't, but Regina was damn certain that once she was able, she would find out. Because Emma, she didn't… she didn't deserve to feel so unloved, so uncared about, when in all actuality, it couldn't have been further from the truth.

TBC…