Once we're finished, Effie ushers us outside into a waiting car with blackened windows, but I'm surprised to find that we're under heavy guard of armed soldiers in full fatigues and head and body armour, their guns out.
We get in and head off to the hotel. The soldiers follow in military vehicles, one in front and one behind. I'm not sure how necessary all this protection is as we wind through the streets of the Capitol, a barren city of concrete, asphalt and glass. It's cold and remote, far removed from the trees and dirt that I'm used to in Twelve. People walk the streets, their skin tinted in all shades of colours, tattooed with animal prints or intricate patterns and their hair dyed unnaturally bright. Cars streak by beside us, their occupants unseen behind the black windows.
When we finally arrive, we pass through gigantic wrought-iron gates, which are promptly closed behind us as we head up a long gravel driveway. The hotel is like an enormous mansion, not as big as the President's mansion, but equally as decadent, sitting among lush, green manicured lawns. But the car doesn't stop at the front entrance. We're driven around the mansion and to the rear where, under a cover of trees, we roll to a stop. Again, we're under heavy soldier guard as we exit the car.
I glance at Peeta, who doesn't seem to want to meet my eye. Neither does Haymitch. The soldiers stand looking outward, their faces emotionless. I don't know what they're looking for or anticipating. Perhaps our security is of the utmost importance for the sake of this campaign.
We enter through a nondescript door which leads to a small circular foyer where a lone elevator awaits at the opposite end. Effie's made no comment about all of this heavy security and maintaining her stiff demeanour, pushes the elevator button. We pile in and head straight to the top where the elevator opens into yet another circular foyer with marbled tiles. There is a centre table of polished wood, mahogany by the looks of it, sitting on a plush, intricately patterned rug. A large glass vase full of oriental lilies sits on the table and above that hangs a crystal chandelier, glowing yellow in the windowless space. The hallway leads to only two other doors, one to the left and another to the right of the table. From what I can see, this is the only elevator that leads to this floor.
Effie opens the left door by sliding a card into the slot above the handle and hands Haymitch the card. Without another word, he walks through and slams it shut behind him. Effie huffs. "You're welcome!"
Effie makes for the door to the right, which I'm guessing leads to our suite. Before she swipes the card through, she turns to us and clears her throat. "I trust you are both responsible young adults, but nevertheless, I've taken it upon myself to ensure that your suite has two separate rooms."
There's no missing the hint in her voice as we both nod. She heads back to the elevator, mentioning that she will return at eight for the dinner party, which is to be held downstairs in the ballroom.
We enter our suite and close the door behind us. It's huge - even bigger than our houses in the Victor's Village. The entrance hall is grand, with polished wooden floors and another round mahogany table, slightly smaller than the one in the foyer. A large bowl of fruit and a tall vase of flowers, more lilies, stands at the centre of the table, along with a tray full of colourful sweets and chocolates.
We wander across the hall. How different this is to our district, even to the houses in the Victor's Village which are luxurious by comparison to the wooden shacks of the Seam. Peeta is silent as he observes every detail with a strange, grave look on his face. Opposite the entrance are double doors that slide open into a living space. There's a huge flat screen television that fills up the expanse of the far wall. Set back a few metres away are plush velvet blue couches. To the side is a small bar, which is empty of any bottles of alcohol, I assume because we're still underage. The windows span from floor to ceiling, with lace curtains and thick, heavy velvet drapes pinned to the side. They look out to the manicured lawns of the hotel.
Further back, there's another set of sliding doors that leads to a dining room with a tall ceiling and a sharp, glass light feature that hangs low. The walls are brushed a soft grey-blue and framed with more polished wood. Through the dining room to the left, there's a fully equipped kitchen with the biggest oven and stove that I've ever seen. Peeta's quiet as he runs his hands across the stainless steel, the knobs, the glass window that looks into the oven. He opens it, inspects the interior, and closes it.
Back in the living room, Peeta sinks into one of the couches, his arms crossed, deep in thought. "It's too much, all of this. It doesn't feel right."
"You were right about one thing," I say, sitting next to him. "Sure, the Government's changed, but we've yet to see any real change here, aren't we? Like with the Avox at lunch."
Peeta shakes his head. "Old habits die hard. That's why we agreed to do this, right?"
I nod. I kick off my shoes and tuck my feet under my legs, leaning up against Peeta's shoulder. He puts his arm around me.
It's completely silent. There are no other sounds of neighbours or street noise coming in through the windows. There's no sounds of the birds, or the wind through the trees or anything that I'm used to. I nestle my head into the crook of his neck, savouring the warmth there. Peeta leans his head back and closes his eyes. After a few minutes, I feel his chest begin to rise and fall against me with deep, even breaths. He's fallen asleep.
It's been a long day. After a while, I let my eyes close and doze off.
.
Dr Aurelius arrives five minutes before three o'clock. We're ready before then, of course, with Effie having the forethought to schedule a wake-up call for us.
He shuffles tiredly through the door, a gait of someone who's lived and seen enough. A whiff of white hair graces the top of his head and his eyes are framed with thick black glasses. He comes in with a suitcase on wheels and after greeting both of us and exchanging some small talk, heads to the living area. Out of his case, he takes out a tripod and camera, which Peeta helps set up. Once done, Dr Aurelius instructs Peeta to sit on the couch in a comfortable position, which he does without question.
Peeta swings his legs up and rests them length-ways, his back propped up against a cushion. Dr Aurelius nods and adjusts the camera, looking through the eye piece. This is strange to say the least, because I haven't had a session with Dr Aurelius where he wasn't dozing off.
"The next two hours will represent the culmination of three months of research and documenting. If I'm any good, the results will be an improvement, to say the least—for the both of you," Dr Aurelius says in his raspy, even-toned voice. "Peeta, I'll speak to you first. Katniss, if you can kindly come with me."
He accompanies me to the first bedroom, his hand on the small of my back. Behind the dresser, Dr Aurelius presses a button against the wall, and another large flat screen slides up directly opposite the bed. He takes a small, black device from his pocket and connects it to the television. When he turns it on, the image that comes up on screen is that of the living room. I can see Peeta lying patiently on the couch, his hands folded over his chest.
He speaks to me quietly. "You will stay here and view Peeta's session. During this time, please do not make any noise or interrupt the session. Doing so may have grave consequences on his mental state."
I nod.
"Take these."
He hands me an earpiece, I'm guessing so that I can listen in to what will be said during the session. "Remember, please keep quiet until I call."
He leaves the room. I use the bathroom for good measure, as I don't know how long this session is going to last. When I'm done, I put the earpiece in and settle into the bed, my eyes glued to the television screen.
Peeta's eyes are closed. Dr Aurelius has pulled up a chair beside him, sitting with one leg crossed over the other, a notebook and pen at his hands. He's scribbling something and when he's done, puts his pen down and speaks.
"Now, Peeta, I want you to keep your eyes closed and take a deep breath. Concentrate on this one thing for me. As you breathe in, listen to the air filling your lungs, and when you breathe out, listen to the air leaving your lungs." His voice is calm and monotone, his words slow and rhythmic. It's soothing, the manner in which he speaks. As I listen, I find myself breathing in tune to Peeta on screen. "Take a few more breaths, Peeta. Relax and keep your mind open."
There is a minute of silence, where the only thing I can see is the rise and fall of Peeta's chest.
"Now when I count to three and click my fingers, I want you to leave your body. I want you, the present Peeta, to leave your body and wait for me. I want to speak to eleven-year old Peeta, if he's there. So when I click my fingers, I want eleven-year old Peeta to come forth. Is that okay?"
Peeta murmurs drowsily in assent. His face is calm and unhindered, peaceful. Dr Aurelius counts to three and then clicks his fingers sharply. For a moment, nothing happens and I'm afraid it hasn't worked, that Dr Aurelius's research has culminated to nothing. But shortly after, Peeta opens his eyes.
I'm struck by the look there, like something deep within him has suddenly changed. I sit up and lean closer to the screen. There is an innocence there that wasn't present only a few minutes ago. He blinks, looking at his surroundings and then spots Dr Aurelius sitting across from him. "Who are you?"
The voice is curious and childlike. As if he'd been taught never to speak to strangers and suddenly found himself in this unfamiliar room with a strange man.
On the screen, Dr Aurelius smiles patiently. "Hello, Peeta. My name is Aurelius. I'm a doctor and I'm here to help you."
"Am I sick? Where's Mrs Everdeen? She's the one who helps the sick people in our district," Peeta says. My heart skips a beat when he mentions my mother. I crawl to the edge of the bed to get closer to the television.
"Mrs Everdeen's asked me to see you instead." Dr Aurelius responds smoothly. "There are a few questions I'd like to ask you, and you must promise to answer truthfully. Is that okay?"
Eleven-year old Peeta hesitates, unsure of whether to trust this strange man from the Capitol. After thinking carefully, he nods.
"Thank you, Peeta." Dr Aurelius replies. "I'd first like to ask you about someone in your school. Mrs Everdeen's daughter, Katniss. Do you know her?"
Peeta's cheeks blush unmistakeably crimson red. "Yes, sir, I know her."
"Tell me, Peeta, about the first time you saw her."
"I don't understand how this will help me get better. What's wrong with me?" Peeta asks, perhaps trying to dodge the question.
The doctor keeps his voice friendly and calm. "Please trust me when I say that it will help you a great deal. Now back to Katniss. Can you recount how you met her?"
Peeta frowns, still unsure of what to make of this situation. "Okay. If you ask. The first time I saw her was at the bakery. Her father came in to tr - I mean, buy - some bread."
He covered himself quickly there. The eleven-year old Peeta still thinks it's illegal to trade game that's been caught outside of the district zone. I can see where his smooth-talking got started. He continues. "She was standing next to her father. That was all. She had on a red plaid dress because it nearly summer."
I remember that dress. It was my birthday. My father had traded it for two rabbits at the market. My mother wanted to give it a good wash before I wore it, so it was a few days before he finally saw me in it and said I was beautiful. Eventually, it was handed down to Prim and when she became too big, was turned in to washing rags.
"What made you remember the dress?" Dr Aurelius asks. It's a funny, almost boring question, but Peeta's voice softens when he answers.
"Because she was pretty in it."
Dr Aurelius writes this down on his notepad. He uncrosses his legs and then crosses them the other way. "Tell me what else you know about Katniss."
Peeta nods. "We're in the same class, but I don't think she really likes having friends. I know that she was sad for a long time. There was an explosion at the mines a not long ago. A lot of workers died. Her father was one of them. A few other kids at school lost their dads, too. I feel bad for her. I want to talk to her and everything but I'm too... I don't know. Scared." He responds matter-of-factly in his grown up yet child-like tone. "I think it's pretty tough for her. I mean, it's tough for everyone in the district, but for her it's extra tough."
"Why do you say that?"
"I think her mother's still too sad, after her father died I mean. She's so sad she can't do anything. Katniss has to. She has to take care of her little sister and her mother. She's so strong, Katniss."
"Tell me, Peeta, can you recall anything about you giving her bread?"
The memory flashes before my eyes. It was seven years ago now, yet the cold soaking rain and the harsh wind blow right through me. My stomach is in painful knots, tied up in hunger, but all I can think about is giving Prim food. Tiny, scrawny, sick little Prim. I feel hot tears begin to pool in my eyes and force them back.
"Yes," Peeta answers. "She was searching our bins. For food. But when my mother saw her, she yelled at her to go away. I felt so bad for her. Tobie burned the bread and mother blamed me instead. She hit me really bad that time, and I burned my hands when she told me to take it to feed the pigs. But I threw the bread to her instead. It was still good inside."
"What made you give her the bread?"
Peeta shrugs. "She looked so...hungry. Desperate. I wanted to help her. Somehow, I thought I should protect her. A strong person like her, she needs someone to protect her. And... I liked her so much. I wish I could give her all the bread in the world."
Sweet, innocent Peeta. He'd wanted to protect me from the beginning.
Dr Aurelius takes another note down and flicks back through his notebook, reading something quickly before continuing with his next question. "Tell me about the time you heard her sing."
Peeta smiles, his eyes lighting up. "It was in class. She was the only one who knew the valley song. And when she started singing, everything went silent, even the birds outside stopped to listen. It was beautiful. I think it was at that moment that I fell in love with her."
Dr Aurelius takes a few more notes and then looks up at Peeta sternly. "Peeta, you're only eleven years old and love is a very strong word. How do you know that you truly love her?"
Peeta is silent for a very long time, contemplating the question. "It's like...when I wake up, I think about her and when I fall asleep I think about her. She's...there's something there. I can see it in her. Even though she's strong and she doesn't like the other kids in school, I sort of feel like I should be there for her for some reason. Like it will be important some day. I can't explain it, I wish I could. Somehow, I know there'll be a day when she'll know it too."
I wish I could keep those words with me forever. Could it be, that even back then, he'd noticed me that much? This boy with the bread? I wasn't strong inside and he saw through that. I was only afraid, and hungry, and desperate and I didn't want Prim to feel the same things. That was what drove me. All I wanted was to support my family, and be the kind of person my father was.
Dr Aurelius takes a few more notes and then looks up at him. "Thank you, Peeta. That's all the questions I have for now. You may leave."
Eleven-year old Peeta nods. His eyes close and his head falls back on to the cushion.
Dr Aurelius changes back to his steady, calm tone. "I now want to speak to sixteen year old Peeta. You've both just been declared victors of the seventy fourth Hunger Games. I want to speak to that Peeta. If you are there, come forth."
Again, it's a few long moments before his eyes flicker open. Peeta frowns and sits up on the couch quickly. My heart reaches out to him. I still remember that look in his eyes when I'd told him my love for him was feigned to survive the arena. There was an array of emotions reflected in those eyes; pain, betrayal, disappointment, yet understanding. As if he'd suspected all along that our relationship was only for show, but didn't want to accept it.
Before Peeta can speak, Dr Aurelius introduces himself.
"Hi, my name is Dr Aurelius. I've been assigned to help you deal with your experience in the arena."
I scoff inwardly. As if any victor had ever been given the luxury of their own personal psychologist to keep the crazy at bay. I watch as Peeta and Dr Aurelius shake hands.
"Where's Katniss?" He asks suspiciously.
"Katniss is fine. She's being looked after and is in good health. You'll see her shortly." Dr Aurelius replies without even blinking an eye.
Peeta nods, a wave of relief passing over his face. He then frowns, and his hands fly down to his thigh, feeling the artificial leg that has been placed there. He exhales slowly. "Thought so."
"Peeta, I'd like to ask you a few questions about your experience in the arena. This is to help deal with post-trauma stress. Please answer as freely as you can. Is that okay?" Dr Aurelius asks. He tends to ask things like that, giving instructions first and then tacking that question on at the end. It's non-threatening in a way.
Peeta nods, grimacing. "That's fine."
Dr Aurelius begins to ask about every single experience we'd shared in the first arena, starting with why he decided to team up with the Careers.
"I needed to know their plans. Their usual strategy is to first team up and kill the other strongest tributes together. Katniss was their biggest target," Peeta replies. "I needed to keep track of the Careers' movements and protect her at the same time. If I knew where they were, I knew that she was safe."
Dr Aurelius asks what Peeta thought when I dropped the tracker jacker nest on the Careers and him.
Peeta's voice is thick and he takes a long time to answer. "The only thing I would have regretted, had I died right then, was that I wouldn't have been able to protect her from Cato."
"Why did you feel like you needed to protect her, to the point where you would have lost your life? Why did you not want to win yourself? All it would have taken was the strike of that knife at the very end." Dr Aurelius asks in a gentle, probing manner. The golden question.
"Why would I want to win then?" Peeta gives a dark laugh. "What would I have had to live for? There's something in her; she's different. Her spirit...everybody sees it. They respect her. Within her, there's hope. I recognised it the first time I saw her, even if I was too young to know it. Now that everybody in this country has seen her, they'll know. There's still hope, whatever it may bring now that it's all over."
Ominous words.
Dr Aurelius goes on, bringing up our moments in the cave, what he felt when we found each other, when I first kissed him, as I was nursing him back to health. What he thought when I knocked him out with the sleeping potion, knowing that I was going to the feast to get his medicine. The fear that I may not come back.
The questions are exhaustive. They go through every detail of our experience, making him recall every single memory we've had together and the feeling that this memory brought him. These are the memories that have been tampered with most, but Peeta answers each question with ease, as if it were only yesterday. It's as if these memories and feelings of me had been in there all along, locked away in the back of his mind.
Nobody really knows what happens to someone's mind when they're hijacked, what happens to their memories. Whether they're distorted, or just pushed back and practically forgotten. To be replaced with new, twisted and disturbing hallucinations brought about by the venom's spell.
Finally, Dr Aurelius dismisses this Peeta and like his eleven-year old incarnation, his eyes close and his head lolls back on to the cushion. Dr Aurelius takes a moment to write more notes - a whole two pages of his notebook - and takes a sip of water. He then speaks up, this time asking to recall seventeen year old Peeta. The one who has just been taken from the second arena, after I'd just been rescued by Plutarch and Haymitch to be taken to District Thirteen.
When Peeta opens his eyes, he is cautious and his answers short and wary. He's unsure of the consequences of divulging too much information. Dr Aurelius asks him to relax and answer honestly, but he rightfully refuses. Peeta clenches his jaw, folds his arms across his chest and glares at him. Dr Aurelius takes a few more notes, and then he clicks his fingers and Peeta's eyes close.
Dr Aurelius clears his throat. "Now, I want to speak to the present Peeta. I want him back in his own body now. If you've come back, when you're ready, come forth. Can you hear me?"
Peeta murmurs. His eyes remain closed as Dr Aurelius continues. "Peeta, I want you to remember everything we've spoken about today. I want you to keep these memories at the forefront. I want you to push back the memories that the Capitol has placed there. The ones that you say sparkle. They're not real. It's not that the experience that brought them about didn't happen, it clearly did. You are aware of that. But I want you to recognise that that period of your life did not affect who you were. They did not affect your memories of Katniss, nor have they ever." Dr Aurelius says. His voice is soft, yet commanding, and still infinitely calm and paced. "Is that okay?"
Present-day Peeta nods.
"Now, once again, when I count to three and click my fingers, you will wake up. You will never respond to this sound again." Dr Aurelius says. Again, Peeta nods. His eyes remain closed.
Dr Aurelius counts down. One, two, three...and then the snap of his fingers sound.
Peeta awakes. He blinks and sits up, looking a little dazed.
"Welcome back, Peeta. How do you feel?" Dr Aurelius asks, his pen poised at the ready.
Peeta takes the time to rub his eyes and leans forward. "Strange. It's as if I was dreaming," he frowns. "But the dreams I had, they were real, like memories. They actually happened—it was like I was reliving them."
Dr Aurelius nods, writing his words down. "Good, good. Now, let me ask you about Katniss. How would you say you feel about her, having experienced this?"
"I feel like I haven't seen her for so long." Peeta laughs. "That's silly isn't it? I was only with her earlier, but it was like I wasn't seeing her properly...since...I don't know when. Does that make sense?"
Dr Aurelius nods. "Yes, that makes sense Peeta, and there's nothing wrong with that. You've been confused for quite a while. Now tell me, if there was one thing that you could say to her – now this is only hypothetical, Katniss is okay and you will see her shortly – if there was only one thing you could tell her if you knew you were never going to see her again, what would that one thing be?"
This time, he doesn't hesitate. "I love you, Katniss. Where ever you're going, I wish I could go with you to protect you and be with you. I wouldn't be alive without you. So where ever you are, I'll wait for you. And where ever you're going, I'll go with you. If you'll allow it."
That's when I do something stupid. I start to cry. Of course I'll allow it.
When Dr Aurelius calls me out, the tears are streaming down my face and my nose is all runny and stuffed up. Peeta looks surprised when he sees me, then his face softens and he gently wipes the tears from my cheeks. His hands reach out to me and for a moment I hold my breath as a thought flashes through my head, that he's reaching for my neck to strangle me. I tense and the thought passes in a second, leaving only the quick beat of my heart. He draws me into his arms and his soft, warm lips find mine and I kiss him back.
Dr Aurelius sits back in his chair, a somewhat satisfied expression on his face. "From what I've researched, I would say that went rather well, would you agree?"
"Agreed." I reply as Peeta strokes my cheek.
There's an enormous sensation of relief in me, like I've come home after a hard day of work. My muscles have suddenly relaxed. It feels like they've been tense for so long that I now realise how truly exhausted, wound up and stressed I've been. Peeta lifts me in the air and swings me around, almost losing balance as he laughs. I laugh with him. The moment is almost surreal.
He kisses me again before Dr Aurelius interrupts us. The time has come. Now it's my turn.